Leadership Smarts: Career Management

Tips for Your Head…and Heart

SWE National Conference

October 23, 2013

Introductions

• Aleen Bayard

– Leadership capacity building through individuals and teams

– Faculty at Northwestern University & University of

Chicago

• Valencia Ray M.D.

- Performing at your very best w/less stress

- Practical neuroscience application business/life

• Group introduction at your table

– What is your intention for today?

2

Workshop agenda

• Part 1: Leadership Smarts

• Part 11: Your Toolkit

– Communication

– Consciousness

• Part III: Practice

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Rules of Engagement

• Balance disclosure with confidentiality

• Stay present –Smart Phone free zone

• Engage each other & challenge us

• Partner with us on time management

• We will use a Parking Lot to capture questions

as we go

4

What does it mean to be a smart leader?

• Feedback – the #1 trait of super leaders

• Blind spots – constrict ability to see and act

• Focus – code word for strategy

• Reflection – accessing your executive brain

• EQ – being aware and managing yours and

others‘ hot buttons

• Mobilizing right action – in self and others

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Your leadership challenges?

• As a STEM professional?

• As a woman?

• As a manager?

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Part II: Toolkit

Communication

Style

Derailers

EQ

Consciousness

State of Mind

Brain Technology

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Communication

Trained:

• Talk

• Left brain - process data

• Accomplish through clear

repetition

• Instructions

Develop:

• Listen

• Right brain – validate

sensing

• Accomplish through

rapport and style

• Agreements

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9

Big gap

• Communication

• Performance

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What are your communication

challenges?

• Style – At times, I clash with others or feel

friction and tension with co-workers

• Managing Up – I can‘t seem to get a handle on

my supervisor‘s expectations

• Derailing – I lose my cool

• Candor – I have difficulty telling it like it is,

especially when I have to ‗confront‘ someone

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Critical conversations

High risk, high reward • Giving Effective Praise

• Delivering Criticism without Creating Conflict

• Making an Effective Apology

• Arguing without Offending

• Communicating to Resolve Conflict

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Giving Effective Praise

―Why should I compliment someone, if they are just doing their job?‖

What is the difference between appreciation and praise?

Are you in balance as a giver and receiver?

Praise encourages repetition - make sure you are specific

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Does feedback necessarily involve

confrontation?

• Unfiltered observation is your truth, not the truth

– Action

– Emotion

– Impact

– Request

– Confirmation

• Feedback without a request is complaining

• Make sure to close the loop

• Refrain from back pedaling

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Best case feedback is….

• Timely, but not on the spot

• Heartfelt without being overly emotional

• Focuses on behavior not personality

• Molehills before mountains

• Set up

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General tips

• Cut to the chase – be straightforward

• Check your own filters, assumptions and bias‘s

when presenting the ‗facts‘

• Notice and address patterns

• Manage your tone and non-verbal messages

• Close the loop

• Ask, don‘t tell

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―I‘m sorry‖ is not an apology

• What‘s the difference?

• Check-in on your emotional state v. offering

something to the other guy

• I‘m sorry YOU FEEL THAT WAY

• An authentic apology triggers forgiveness

– To give as before

– Restorative

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Arguing without offending

• Think about the heart of the issue – ask yourself why?

• Frame your response to focus on the idea, decision, rationale, impact…..rather than the person

• Use your knowledge of the other guy‘s hot buttons and pre-empt the danger zone

• When you get triggered, take a time out before you respond

• “I” statements tend to diffuse

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Resolving conflict

• What we fight about is rarely what we fight

about

• Listen for……Words, Feelings, Values

• Probe the nature of resistance

– Fear

– Confusion

– Capacity

– Competing commitments

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Beyond words….

• Style

• Emotional intelligence – what is your face

saying?

• Filters – past experiences coupled with

assumptions, judgments and conclusions, that

can distort our current reality

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What is your default setting?

STEM mindset

• I think before I speak

• I tend to challenge and question things

• I like a lot of data

• I rely on rationale to make decisions

• I don‘t always trust people that are too enthusiastic

• Shake my hand

• Write me

Marketing, Sales mindset

• I speak before I think

• I tend to accept things at face value

• Just give me the bullet points

• I go by my gut

• People that need all of the facts frustrate me

• Give me a hug

• Call me

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Common disconnects

• Last minute, results-oriented, goes by the gut

leader gives a steady-as-she-goes linear thinker

with post-it-notes an emergency deliverable at

4:30 p.m.

• Visionary, high energy, charismatic team leader

shares a plan without any details to someone

known for precision, quality and metrics.

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Can I flex my style and still be ―authentic‖?

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How do you flex?

• Know yourself

• Know your audience

– Ask

• Anticipate what‘s missing and

concerns

• Respond the way THEY feel

• Focus on results WITH rapport

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The role of EQ

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What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."— Zig Ziglar

EQ is not a ‗soft skill‘

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EQ is so critical to

success that it accounts

for 58% of performance

in all types of jobs.

The link between EQ and

earnings is so direct that

every point increase in

EQ adds $1,300 to an

annual salary.

Self-Awareness

SocialAwareness

Self-Management

Relationship Management

• Emotional Self-Awareness

• Accurate Self-Assessment

• Self-Confidence

• Empathy• Organizational

Awareness• Service Orientation

• Emotional Self-Control• Transparency• Adaptability• Achievement • Initiative• Optimism

• Developing Others• Inspirational

Leadership• Influence• Change Catalyst• Conflict Management• Teamwork &

Collaboration

Route to “Mastery”

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Copyright Materials © 2010, Dr. T. E. Maltbia: Columbia University Coaching Center of Excellence

Positive Impacton Others

Self Others

Aw

are

ne

ss

Actio

ns

Developmental Framework

Self-Awareness

SocialAwareness

Self-Management

RelationshipManagement

29Copyright Materials © 2010, Dr. T. E. Maltbia: Columbia University Coaching Center of Excellence

What is the of Impact of Self-Awareness on Self-Management?

Without Self-Awareness, a person has virtually no

chance of demonstrating Self-Management

With Self-Awareness, a person has a 50-50

chance of demonstrating Self-Management

Self Management

Self-Awareness

N = 427, p < .001 (Burckle and Boyatzis, 1999)

Yes No

Yes 49% 51%

No 4% 96%

30Copyright Materials © 2010, Dr. T. E. Maltbia: Columbia University Coaching Center of Excellence

What is the Impact of Self-Awareness

on Social Awareness?

Without Self-Awareness, a person has an

83% chance of lacking Social Awareness

Social Awareness

Self-Awareness

N = 427, p < .001 (Burckle and Boyatzis, 1999)

Yes No

Yes 38% 62%

No 17% 83%

With Self-Awareness, a person has a

38% chance of having Social Awareness

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Leadership – Emotional Intelligence

& Self-Awareness

Leaders with high self-awareness:

Can speak accurately about their emotions and the impact they have on work and relationships

Are comfortable talking about their strengths and limitations, mistakes and setbacks, and learning

Are recognized by their self-confidence (not oversized ego!)

Know when to ask for help

Have a self-deprecating sense of humor

Are able to observe themselves in action — a first step in changing behavior and improving performance

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Copyright Materials © 2010, Dr. T. E. Maltbia: Columbia University Coaching Center of Excellence

Epidemic: ―Two thirds of existing

managers are insufferable and half will

eventually be fired.‖

75%

38%

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Research findings

• Little consensus on good managers

• Strong convergence on bad ones

– Poor judgment

– Troubled relationships

– Weak team builders

– Failure to manage self or learn from mistakes

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Derailed executives: people who

were very successful in their

careers spanning 20 – 30 years and

reach very high levels but who, in

the eyes of the organization, did

not live up to their full potential

and their halted progression was

not voluntary.

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Observed behaviors

• Insensitivity – abrasive, intimidating, bully

• Cold – aloof, arrogant

• Betrayed trust

• Over managing – failure to delegate

• Overly ambitious

• Failure to staff effectively

• Unable to adapt to a boss with a different

style

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Hogan derailersMeasures a candidate’s personality-based performance risks

and derailers of interpersonal behavior. Details a

candidate’s inherent tendencies when under stress, pressure,

and/or bored.

High HDS scores, are prone to crossing the line from being… …. to seeming…

Excitable Intense & energetic Moody & prone to overreacting

Skeptical Perceptive & shrewd Cynical & mistrustful

Cautious Careful & thorough Extremely reluctant to take risks

Reserved Independent & businesslike Stoic & disconnected

Leisurely Cooperative & agreeable Covertly resistant & insincere

Bold Confident & assertive Stubborn, arrogant, & smug

Mischievous Charming & jocular Irreverent & untrustworthy

Colorful Outgoing & animated ―Showboating‖ & overwhelming

Imaginative Innovative & creative Off-the-wall & unrealistic

Diligent Detail oriented & hardworking Perfectionistic & demanding

Dutiful Supportive & loyal Ingratiating & deferential© 2012 Hogan Assessment Systems, Inc.

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What triggers you?

Trigger event or person Your behavior Interaction with others

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Discovering your derailers

• Feedback

– Performance management conversations

– 360‘s

– Assessments [like DiSC or Hogan]

– Direct reports & supervisors

• Coaching

• Reflection

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How do you solicit feedback?

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What do you really think?

• There are two big challenges with giving

feedback to successful people:

– They don‘t want to hear it

– We don‘t want to give it

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Wrapping up

• Communication is a critical element of your

leadership success

• Style > content

– Your level of EQ can foster or interfere with

getting along or getting ahead

– When you fail to self manage, you fall prey to

derailing

• Feedback is your best avenue to managing both

• These statements are directed at your behaviors

• Now we’ll look at your state of mind

43

BREAK

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Discussion Agenda

• Our state of mind’s impact on performance and

happiness

• Basic Neuroscience 101 as it relates to ―brain

awareness‖

• Accessing the Authentic You: EQ and Addressing

Negative Self-Talk

STATE OF MIND

STATES OF MIND

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A Spectrum

Joy/Inner Peace Depression/Inner Turmoil

No Map?

5 Principles to Perform at Your Best

1. Leadership by Example

2. Clarity of Vision

3. Passion Unlocks Potential

4. Be YOU, Magnificently.

5. Mind Maps with Agility

Today

• Principle 3: Passion Unlocks Potential

• Principle 4: Be YOU, Magnificently.

Pause

Conscious Mind

Subconscious/Unconscious Mind

Thoughts + Emotion (Perception) = Feelings => Actions

The Performance Equation

Perception Creates Reality

FEAR

• Fictitious

• Evidence

• Affecting

• Reality

(Resistance)

“One of the most important decisions you will

ever make is whether you live in a friendly or

hostile Universe”

~Albert Einstein

Neuroplasticity

The Science of Feelings

Pause

Art and Science(Creativity Involves the Whole Brain)

Left Right

“Creativity is intelligence having fun” ~Albert Einstein

The 3 Levels of Brain Evolution

Our Brain’s Operating System

Horizontal Vertical

Horizontal System Vertical System

It is reasonable to assume we were given two brain hemispheres for

good reason. In fact, our reasoning abilities become better when we

integrate both sides of our brain as a team - two hemispheres really

are better than one.~Valencia Ray, M.D.

Photo Courtesy RSA Animate - The Divided Brain

LT – External World Focus

Science

RT – Internal World Focus

Art

Feelings

“It’s technology married with liberal arts, married with the humanities,

that yields us the results that make our hearts sing”

~Steve Jobs

Intrapersonal Self-awareness Strategies

• Stop treating your feelings as

good or bad

• Make “friends with

emotion/feelings”

• Lean into your discomfort

• Pause, feel your feelings

(body/physically)

• Know Who and What pushes

your buttons

• Visit your values, purpose

(Purpose filter)

• Seek feedback – Mirror of

Life

• Get to know yourself under

stress

• Ask yourself “Why” you do

the things you do for clarity

sake

Pause

Principle 4: Be YOU, Magnificently.

Autobiographical MemoryWho do you think you are?

“Thinking bravely is about achieving personal clarity. It means

knowing yourself so you can effectively lead others.”

~Dean Sally Blunt, ‘92 Kellogg School of Management, Northwestern University

MINDSET

Getting a Grip on your Thinking (Survival Brain)

Name it and Retrain itExercise

Idiot! Stupid!

I‘ll

never... Dummy!

Loser! Fool!

Failure

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Self-regulation Strategies• Breathe deeply

• Say, “I feel anger NOT I

am angry –Very

Important!

• Honest Self-Assessment

• Develop a Trusted

Advisor Relationship

• Smile and laugh more

• Manage your self-talk

• Visualize yourself

succeeding

• Don’t just sit there; stand

up!

• Set aside time for

problem solving/reflecting

Name It

Left Brain

• Call thought out

• Mentally recognize you are

separate from it.

Retrain it

Right Brain

•Positive Self Talk – Script

•Positive (bait/switch) feelings

•Ideal Future Self Image

All the World’s a Stage...

BREAK

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Part III: Practice

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• Having more powerful conversations

• Meditation/Mindfulness Exercise

How to have a ‗fierce conversation‘

Current state

• Something at stake

• Ruptured relationship

• Gossip and/or withdrawl

• Distraction

Employing smart leader

techniques

• What happened – a factual

account

• How I felt about it - the emotion

• The meaning I took away – my

story, judgment or interpretation

• What I want in the future – a

specific request

• Confirmation – do you agree to

my terms?

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Mindfulness/Meditation

Paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the

present moment, non-judgmentally

~Jon Kabat-Zinn, Full Catastrophe Living

The 3 Levels of Brain Evolution

Meditation Mastery MattersTraining Attention

Amygdala can “hijack” your brain’s neuro-circuits

Courtesy www.h3Daily.com

Where Are You?

Mindfulness Matters

• Foundational for self-

awareness

• Regular sustained

attention

• Reduces stress/health-

related benefits

• Peace of Mind

• Raises Creativity

• Empathy

• Hygiene for the brain

• Helpful for Alzheimer’s

• Can raise IQ

• Improves resiliency

• Tame negative self-talk

• Can improve sleep

• Clarity and decision-

making

• Supports Equanimity

MINDFULNESS EXERCISE

WRAP UP

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Thank you!

• Aleen Bayard – aleen@marketzing.org

• Valencia Ray M.D. - valencia@valenciaray.com

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