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Models how to write strong commentary in support of a claim.
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Writing Strong
COMMENTARY!Imag
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When extra cash comes our way, few people think about helping others. Ask ten teens what they'd do if they had a million dollars and you'll most likely hear a laundry list of items they want to buy: a powder blue Dodge Charger, a new wardrobe of designer clothes, an iPod touch loaded with a billion favorite songs, an Xbox and every game ever made. They want stuff. Some kids actually do want to help those who are less fortunate.
Contradicts claim!
Generic! It’s too vague.
When extra cash comes our way, few people think about helping others. Ask ten teens what they'd do if they had a million dollars and you'll most likely hear a laundry list of items they want to buy: a powder blue Dodge Charger, a new wardrobe of designer clothes, an iPod touch loaded with a billion favorite songs, an Xbox and every game ever made. Most teens tend to favor buying stuff—the more the better—for themselves. They, like most adults, would rather cater to their own personal desires than look to the needs to others.
Better!