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Who are we?
Most recently…• Co-founder/CEO of Flixster (Acq by WB, 2011)
Previously…• VP Product @ Edusoft (Acq by Houghton-Mifflin)• Co-founder @ CoreMetrics (Acq by IBM)• Co-founder @ QApro (Failed completely)
Joe GreensteinCofounder of InnerSpace
Most recently…• Co-founder/CEO of PlayTell
Previously…• Director, Product Mgmt @ Guidewire (IPO 2010, $2.5B+ market cap)• UX Designer @ Vividence (Acq by Keynote)• Harvard Ed.M; Stanford Computer
Science
Semira RahemtullaCofounder of InnerSpace
Topics for Today
• What makes an effective leader?• What makes an effective team?
Format: Learn together, not talk at you
We will…– Give you our best– Take breaks– End on time
What else would be helpful for you?
Working AgreementsWorking Agreements
We ask you to…
Respectconfidentiality
Photo by Vox Efx [link]
Working Agreements
We ask you to…
Challenge yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Working Agreements
We ask you to…
Minimizedistractions
Photo by Robert S. Donovan [link]
Working Agreements
Photo by Luz Adriana Villa [link]
We ask you to…
Wait for breaks &Return on time
Working Agreements
We ask you to…– Challenge yourself– Respect confidentiality– Minimize distractions– Wait for breaks & return on time
Can we all commit to this?
Working AgreementsWorking Agreements
Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Disclosure & Vulnerability 40 mins
Team & Culture 40 minsBreak 10 mins
Feedback & Influence, part 1 60 mins
Break 10 mins
Feedback & Influence, part 2 50 mins
Closing 10 mins
TOTAL ~4 hrs
Agenda
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #1
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2Common
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponsesReality #3
The Net
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them; we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial information; absence of emotion leaves out
half the story.
Emotions indicate importance. Most
powerful motivator?
They are an early warning
system
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Self-Disclosure
Will I be less liked,
respected, influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the
relationship?
Will others use this
information against me?
How will others
see/assess/ judge me?
“What in my ‘bubble’
should I share?”
We are constantly making the choice of letting our self be more fully known
Self-Disclosure
Vulnerability
“I define vulnerability as
the expression of
uncertainty, risk, and
emotional exposure.”
Vulnerability
Authentic Leaders
“The single factor distinguishing top quartile
managers from bottom quartile managers was
strength of affection – both given & received – with
their team.”
--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Barry
Authentic Leaders
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability
• Build connection, trust• Repair distortions• Avoid “progressive impoverishment”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability
1. Disclosure & vulnerability are critical to connection.
2. Effective leaders form strong connections.
Conclusion: Consider being more open.
The Bottom Line
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
What Makes an Effective Team?
1. Participation2. Collaboration3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
“I’m starting to feel defensive”
Inward (my emotions)
Outward(others’ emotions)
Emotional Awareness
Emotional Management
(“Regulation”)
“He seems to begetting agitated”
• Take a deep breath• “Could you give me a sec?”• Take a walk
“Are you ok?”
EQ (Individual)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward (Our Team)
Outward(Other Teams)
Emotional Awareness
EQ (Group)
Emotional Management
(“Regulation”)
High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ
What norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What can you do as leaders?
Photo by jm3 [link]
Our Norms
Working AgreementsJohari Window
OPEN/PUBLIC
PRIVATE UNKNOWN
I know I don’t know
You know
You don’t know
Reactions/Feedback
Disclosure
BLIND
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?
1. Personal Development2. Team Effectiveness3. Stronger Relationships
Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow
Photo by State Farm [link]Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
David RockWhat social situations triggera threat response?
StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
SCARF Model
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #1
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2Common
IMPACTFeelings
ReactionsResponsesReality #3
The Net
The Net (again)
Feedback
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
1. Focus on specific, observable behavior2. Describe the impact of that behavior on you3. Do not address my motives or intentions (Do ask about them & listen actively if I choose to share.)
Stay on your side of the net!
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Simplest Feedback Model
When you do [x], I feel [y].
(and optionally)
The story in my head is… (z)
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about what message that might send to others in the room.
Exercise #4: Introduce Yourselves• Form groups of three• First person has 2 minutes to talk about a topic• Then 2 minutes each of feedback from the other 2
Choose your topic1. Something happening in your team that you feel
strongly about2. Something happening in the company that you feel
strongly about3. Something happening to you personally that you
feel strongly about
A B
C
Exercise #4: Feedback Tips
• What did you notice about the person’s tone or body language? Did they make eye contact?
• What did they say first or emphasize most? What seemed most important? Why?
• What emotions did they convey about their experience?• What did you feel while you were listening?• What stories came up for you?
When you said/did [x], I felt [y].
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”– Learning is better than being right– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions– “Can you tell me more about that?”
• Acknowledge your feelings• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Give more!!!• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”• Do not praise to overcome resistance• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:
– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost
every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Assume good intent; be curious• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:My intention is…When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress• Goal is joint problem solving
You 1st buddy 2nd buddy
Andrea Corley Johnny K Ping
Chris Hecht Craig Z Holly Z
Chris Riccomini Marcie N Shyam M
Craig Zarmer Chris H Phaedra S
Darryl Chang David C Rich S
David Clarke Darryl C Sankate S
Holly Zhang William M Chris H
Jeremy Milk Joey M Vasusen P
Joey Milano Jeremy M Yvonne C
Johnny Kinder Andrea C Neal R
Marcie Nicholson Chris R Rainier C
You 1st buddy 2nd buddy
Neal Rosenblum Sankate S Johnny K
Phaedra Saylor Raymond Craig Z
Ping Li Yvonne C Andrea C
Rainier Calo Vasusen Marcie N
Raymond Ng Phaedra William M
Rich Steenburg Shyam M Darryl C
Sankate Sharma Neal R David C
Shyam Maddali Rich S Chris R
Vasusen Patil Rainier C Jeremy M
William Metzger Holly Z Raymond N
Yvonne Covello Ping L Joey M
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
• Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area
• Communication & Management– Too much/ little, choice of format, email etiquette, language choices,
communication style in front of others, transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions
• Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from this person, How do they impact
others? What do they model well? Anything you worry about? Arrival/departure times, attire, how they speak/listen/act?