Understanding Our Immunity to Change, DRS Faculty Presentation, September 2008

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WELCOME!DRS Yeshiva High

School

Faculty Conference: 9/2/08

Understanding & Overcoming The

Immunity to ChangeDRS Yeshiva High School For Boys

Faculty Conference9.2.08

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Immunity to Change

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Our Field Trip to Harvard

Warm Up

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The Problem

Why Are New Year’s Resolutions

Never Kept?

The Warm Up

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Ground Rules of the Game

• Speaker- How much or how little you want to let your partner in on during reflections is continuously up to you and you alone

• Listener- It is not your job to point out to someone something you think he or she may be missing

• Partner- It is preferable not to talk to partners with whom you have a subordinate or reporting relationship.

The Warm Up

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The Big MeetingThe Warm Up

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Activating the Internal Languages

If there is a single thing that you could

get significantly better at which would

make the biggest difference to your

work, what would it be?

The Warm Up

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The Complaints

• “I am overweight• “Nobody really talks to each other in our shop; people talk about each other. There’s an incredible amount of dysfunctional behind the back gossip, really, and running each other down. People have issues with other people, but the way we all handle it is that we talk about it with other people. We don’t go to the person we have the issue with.”

The Warm Up

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Warm Up / Complaint“Nobody really talks to each other in our shop; people talk about each other. There’s an incredible amount of dysfunctional behind the back gossip, really, and running each other down. People have issues with other people, but the way we all handle it is that we talk about it with other people. We don’t go to the person we have the issue with.”

The Warm Up

This result will go in our chart under the column for the warmup

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Warm Up / Complaint

I am Overweight

The Warm Up

This result will go in our chart under the column for the warm up

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Time Out!

Warm Up / Complaint

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NBC•Nagging•Belittling•Complaining

Step 1: From Complaint to Commitment

Turning the Corner

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Is Complaining Bad?

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The Value of Complaining

• Lets off steam• Brings to the surface real issues• Makes one feel less isolated

–Answers the Question: “Am I the ONLY ONE Who Thinks This is Crazy??”

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The PROBLEM With Complaining

• Just TALK• Nothing HAPPENS.• Complaining does not

TRANSFORM.

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Complaining = Caring

If a person did not care, they wouldn’t bother to complain.

Complaining means you care about change!

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Turning the Corner

How do we turn complaints into something that will be

TRANSFORMATIVE?

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Turning the Corner• Let’s revisit one of our original

“complaints”“Nobody really talks to each other in our shop; people talk about each other. There’s an incredible amount of behind the back gossip. People have issues with other people, but the way we all handle it is that we talk about it with other people. We don’t go to the person we have the issue with.”

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GOAL: to distill our initial reaction down to a CORE COMMITMENT that we feel strongly about.

Turning the CornerUsing this complaint as the basis, ask yourself the

following question:

What commitments or convictions that you hold are actually implied in the complaint?

OR IN OTHER WORDS…Fill in the end of the sentence: “I am committed to the value or importance of ______________________________”

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

“Nobody really talks to each other in our shop; people talk about each other. There’s an incredible amount of behind the back gossip. People have issues with other people, but the way we all handle it is that we talk about it with other people. We don’t go to the person we have the issue with.”

Turning the Corner

This result will go in our chart under the column for step #1

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Turning the Corner

Criteria for High Quality

DISTILLING• It’s true for you: you agree that you should change in this area.

• It implicates you: meaning you are responsible for the event as opposed to it being due to other people.

• There’s room for improvement: you agree that there is room to improve.

• It’s important to you: whatever the one you pick, it should be the highest level of importance to you.

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Turning the CornerFrom This“Nobody really talks to each other in our shop; people talk about each other. There’s an incredible amount of behind the back gossip. People have issues with other people, but the way we all handle it is that we talk about it with other people. We don’t go to the person we have the issue with.”

To This“I am committed to the value and importance of…More open and direct communication at work”

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment


“I am committed to the value and importance of…More open and direct communication at work”

Back to our chart…

Turning the Corner

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What have we done?• Same issue

• Went from an open ended complaint with no real options for us to change…

• …TO a real commitment that we have the power to work towards and achieve change.

Turning the Corner

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Let’s take a look at our other example.

I am

OVERWEIG

HT

I am committed to the value or importance of… losing weight.

Does this cause any change?

Does this give us the power to act?

We have turned the complaint into a commitment that we can act on!

Turning the Corner

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Time Out!

Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

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Are Commitments Enough?

Next: Why or why not

commitments will be

sufficient to affect

change.

Step 2: From the Language of Blame to the Language of Personal Responsibility

Undermining the Goal

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Three alcoholic brothers

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Doing/ Not Doing

•What I am doing or not doing, that prevents my commitment from being more fully realized.

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Criteria

•Behaviors- Not dispositions.

•Clear how it undermines or works against the column # 1 commitment

•Not why or what you should do about it.

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Undermining the Goal

• “I am committed to the value and importance of…More open and direct communication at work”

• I don’t speak up when people are violating the norm I value. Silently , I collude in it being OK to talk behind one another’s back.

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step # 2 Behaviors

“Nobody really talks to each other in our shop; people talk about each other. There’s an incredible amount of dysfunctional behind the back gossip, really, and running each other down. People have issues with other people, but the way we all handle it is that we talk about it with other people. We don’t go to the person we have the issue with.”


I don’t speak up when people are violating the norm I value. Silently , I collude in it being OK to talk behind one another’s back.

Competing Commitment


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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step # 2 Behaviors

I eat a lot.

Competing Commitment


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Time Out!

Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step # 2Behaviors

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From Blame To Personal Responsibility

• Easily and reflexively produced and widespread; comfortable to express

• Holds other responsible for their behaviors• Frequently generates frustration, alienation and

impotence in speaker• Frequently generates defensiveness in others• Non-tranformational; rarely goes anywhere• At best raises questions on others

• Relatively rare, unless explicitly intended; uncomfortable to express

• Express specific behavior we personally engage in

• Draws on the momentum of our commitments.• Frequently generates productive conversation• Transformational; directs our attention to point of

influence• Raises questions on oneself

Step 3: Uncovering our Hidden

CommitmentsWhat “Balances” Us?

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We Are At A Crossroads…

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step #2:Behaviors


I don’t speak up when people are violating the norm I value. Silently, I collude in it being ok to talk behind one another’s back.


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Fix the problem.

STOP the negative behavior!

But this does not work.

It’s a “New Year’s Resolution” Approach

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What’s Wrong With a New Year’s Resolution?

• Personal Experience (they often don’t work)

• We are looking at our behavior as simply a bad habit.– This only looks at the surface of the

problem.– Not the source of the behaviors.

• If we don’t find the root of the problem, the behavior will simply return again down the road.

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Fix the problem.

STOP the negative behavior!

But this does not work.

It’s a “New Year’s Resolution” Approach

Getting to the root of the negative behaviors.

The underlying reasons for why we act in certain ways.

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Finding the RootWarm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step #2:Behaviors

Step #3:Competing Commitment




Worry Box

Hidden Commitment

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To determine what should go in the worry box, ask yourself the following question:

How would I feel if I did the OPPOSITE of what I wrote in Column #2?

What hidden commitment do I have that makes sure that I don’t experience the feelings I listed in the worry box?

Worry Box

Hidden Commitment


To determine what should go in the hidden commitment box, ask yourself the following question:

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Criteria for a Hidden Commitment

• It’s a commitment to self protection.

• It should show why the 2nd column behaviors make all the sense in the world.

• It should feel powerful.

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Let’s Go Back to Our Example…Warm

Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step #2:Behaviors





Worry Box

Hidden Commitment

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“I don’t speak up when people are violating the norm I value. Silently, I collude in it being ok to talk behind one another’s back.”

Step #2: Behaviors

Worry Box:

“I think that what I’d really be most afraid of in calling people on the backbiting and gossip is that people would seem me as the Tough Woman, you know? The activist, the crusader. Deep down, this is probably who I really am, but I’ve seen what happens when you’re tagged with this reputation, and I don’t like it. I am afraid of being the odd person out.”

Competing Commitment:

(or) I may also be committed to:

Not being seen as the brave crusader, or Miss/Mr. Holier Than Thou….having people feel comfortable with me.

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step #2:Behaviors





Worry Box

Being seen as the tough office crusader.

Hidden Commitment

I may also be committed to: not being seen as the tough crusader.

Having people comfortable with me.

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step #2:Behaviors


-I eat too much.-I don’t exercise.-I don’t think about what I eat.

I am

OVERWEIG

HTI am committed to the value or importance of… losing weight.

Worry Box:I am worried…that I will be hungry.…about where my next meal will come from.…about missing out on some of the pleasures of good food.

I am also committed to

…being satiated. …eating food when it’s available. …maximizing my pleasure.

Let’s look at our other example…

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Time Out!

Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step # 2Behaviors

Step #3Hidden Commitments

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Why are ‘competing commitments’ significant?

Behaviors (column #2):

I don’t speak up enough.

I eat too much.

Etc.

Column #1 Commitment

I am committed to the value and importance of...

More open communication.

Losing weight.

Etc.

Column #3: Competing Commitment

I am also committed to...


Being satiated.

Etc.

Our difficulties with fulfilling our column #1 commitments MAKE SENSE.

Step 4: From The Big Assumptions that Hold Us to the Language of

Assumptions We Hold

Upsetting the Apple Cart

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“Our experience is not what happens to us, but what we make of what happens to us.”

-Aldus Huxley

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CRITERIA

•Makes the 3rd column commitment absolutely necessary.

•Has a conclusion that worries us.

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The Big Assumption


Hidden CommitmentI may also be committed to: not being seen as the tough crusader.Having people comfortable with me.

I Assume that if the opposite of step #3 takes place…

Step #4 Big AssumptionIf people saw me as a crusader, or holier then thou, then I would eventually be completely shunned, have no real connections in my office and I would find work a nightmare from which I couldn’t wake up

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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step #2:Behaviors


Step #4 Big Assumption


If people saw me as a crusader, or holier then thou, then I would eventually be completely shunned, have no real connections in my office and I would find work a nightmare from which I couldn’t wake up



Worry Box

Being seen as the tough office crusader.

Hidden Commitment

I may also be committed to: not being seen as the tough crusader.


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Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step #2:Behaviors


Step #4Big Assumption

-I eat too much.-I don’t exercise.-I don’t think about what I eat.

Don’t eat when food is available I will go hungry.

I am

OVERWEIG

HTI am committed to the value or importance of… losing weight.

Worry Box:I am worried…that I will be hungry.…about where my next meal will come from.…about missing out on some of the pleasures of good food.

I am also committed to

…being satiated. …eating food when it’s available. …maximizing my pleasure.

Let’s look at our other example…

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Time Out!

Warm Up / Complaint

Step #1:Commitment

Step # 2Doing/Not Doing

Step #3Hidden Commitments

Step #4The Big Assumption

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My BTB

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• comic

Wrap Up: Testing Our Big Assumptions

What Now?

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A S.M.A.R.T. Way to Test Our Assumptions

Safe

Modest

Actionable

Researcher’s stance

Test

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Dr. Robert Kegan

• Developmental Psychologist

• The William and Miriam Meehan Professor in Adult Learning and Professional Development at Harvard University.

Education

Understanding Our Immunity to Change, DRS Faculty Presentation, September 2008