© IEF 1© IEF 1

Successful MarriagePreparation

Successful MarriagePreparation

© 2002 International Educational FoundationIEF is responsible for the content of this presentation only

if it has not been altered from the original.

© IEF 2© IEF 2

Loving Relationships & Family Are a Basic Life Goal

Loving Relationships & Family Are a Basic Life Goal

© IEF 3© IEF 3

Longer life Health Happiness Inner growth

Longer life Health Happiness Inner growth

Personal Benefits of MarriagePersonal Benefits of Marriage

© IEF 4© IEF 4

Wealth Resilience Productivity

Wealth Resilience Productivity

Personal Benefits of MarriagePersonal Benefits of Marriage

© IEF 5© IEF 5

“ A nuclear family of father, mother and their children …is still today a child’sbest guarantee for success.” Brigitte Berger, Sociologist

“ A nuclear family of father, mother and their children …is still today a child’sbest guarantee for success.” Brigitte Berger, Sociologist

Best Environment for ChildrenBest Environment for Children

© IEF 6© IEF 6

“I would gladly give up my millions for one marital success.”

J. Paul Getty

“I would gladly give up my millions for one marital success.”

J. Paul Getty

© IEF 7© IEF 7

Are They Balanced?Are They Balanced?

Career Preparati

on

Career Preparati

on

Marriage PreparationMarriage

Preparation

© IEF 8© IEF 8

Real Success Means Good Families

Real Success Means Good Families

Rated most important source of satisfaction

Source: Columbia University & National Institutes of Health

Requires commitment and investment

Rated most important source of satisfaction

Source: Columbia University & National Institutes of Health

Requires commitment and investment

© IEF 9© IEF 9

High school and university classes

Mandated by law

High school and university classes

Mandated by law

Marriage Education Popular Worldwide

Marriage Education Popular Worldwide

© IEF 10© IEF 10

Marriage Education & Character Education

Marriage Education & Character Education

Preparation for lasting love — Rationale for adolescents to develop their character

Preparation for lasting love — Rationale for adolescents to develop their character

© IEF 11© IEF 11

78% of teenagers consider marriage and family very important

Source: 1995 Survey, Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan

78% of teenagers consider marriage and family very important

Source: 1995 Survey, Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan

Strongly DesiredStrongly Desired

© IEF 12© IEF 12

“For one human being to love another: That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks…”

Rainer Maria Rilke

“For one human being to love another: That is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks…”

Rainer Maria Rilke

© IEF 13© IEF 13

Basis of keeping marriage commitments

Foundation forself–confidence

Basis of keeping marriage commitments

Foundation forself–confidence

Value of IntegrityValue of Integrity

© IEF 14© IEF 14

Clear moral values

Living up to them

Self-discipline

Clear moral values

Living up to them

Self-discipline

IntegrityIntegrity

© IEF 15© IEF 15

Cultivating interests and talents

Building self-respect Managing one’s

feelings Fostering peace

with oneself

Cultivating interests and talents

Building self-respect Managing one’s

feelings Fostering peace

with oneself

Personal DevelopmentPersonal Development

© IEF 16© IEF 16

For one’s circumstances

For one’s strengthsand weaknesses

For one’s circumstances

For one’s strengthsand weaknesses

Take Personal ResponsibilityTake Personal Responsibility

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“The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.”

Judd and Mary Landis,Building a Successful

Marriage

“The most important characteristic of a marriageable person is the habit of happiness.”

Judd and Mary Landis,Building a Successful

Marriage

© IEF 18© IEF 18

Emulating parents’ strength Adopting their good values

Emulating parents’ strength Adopting their good values

Respect for ParentsRespect for Parents

© IEF 19© IEF 19

Seeking advice concerning a mate Seeking advice concerning a mate

Learn from Parents About the Opposite Sex

Learn from Parents About the Opposite Sex

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Supports personal development

Protects against physical, mental

and relational risks

Context for healthy friendships

Supports personal development

Protects against physical, mental

and relational risks

Context for healthy friendships

Value of AbstinenceValue of Abstinence

© IEF 21© IEF 21

Honor Sexual BoundariesHonor Sexual Boundaries

HandHandHoldiHoldi

ngng

HandHandHoldiHoldi

ngng

NeckinNeckingg

NeckinNeckingg

PettinPettingg

PettinPettingg

Mutual Mutual Sex Sex PlayPlay

Mutual Mutual Sex Sex PlayPlay

SimplSimplee

KissKiss

SimplSimplee

KissKiss

ProlongProlongeded

KissKiss

ProlongProlongeded

KissKiss

RelatiRelation-on-ship ship

changchangeses

RelatiRelation-on-ship ship

changchangeses

Sexual Sexual IntercoInterco

urseurse

Sexual Sexual IntercoInterco

urseurse

BeginniBeginning ng

BeginniBeginning ng

Male Male Genital Genital Male Male

Genital Genital Female Female Genital Genital Female Female Genital Genital PeakPeakPeakPeak

Sexual Sexual

ArousalArousalSexual Sexual

ArousalArousal

© IEF 22© IEF 22

Sexual Desire & Self–ControlSexual Desire & Self–Control

Sexual DesiresSexual Desires

Normal & healthy

Normal & healthy

Sexual ActivitySexual Activity

Controlling it isnormal & healthy

Controlling it isnormal & healthy

© IEF 23© IEF 23

Recognize profit motive

Check against reality

Recognize profit motive

Check against reality

Support Abstinence throughMedia Discernment

Support Abstinence throughMedia Discernment

© IEF 24© IEF 24

Make the Commitment to Abstinence

Make the Commitment to Abstinence

© IEF 25© IEF 25

Healthy friendships

Conflict resolution skills

Service

Healthy friendships

Conflict resolution skills

Service

Relational ResourcesRelational Resources

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© IEF 26© IEF 26

Healthy FriendshipsReduce Love Problems

Healthy FriendshipsReduce Love Problems

Poor relationships Poor relationships with elders and peerswith elders and peers

Poor relationships Poor relationships with elders and peerswith elders and peers

Unhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachmentsUnhealthy attachments

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Regular shared activity and conversation

Regular shared activity and conversation

Invest in Friendships Over Time

Invest in Friendships Over Time

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Same Gender FriendsSame Gender Friends

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Relating with modesty and respect

Relating with modesty and respect

Opposite Gender FriendsOpposite Gender Friends

© IEF 30© IEF 30

Requires virtues,

insights and skills

Requires virtues,

insights and skills

Lasting Love – Art to Be LearnedLasting Love – Art to Be Learned

© IEF 31© IEF 31

Insight into love

Information about marriage

Insight into love

Information about marriage

KnowledgeKnowledge

© IEF 31© IEF 31

© IEF 32© IEF 32

Insight Into Love Insight Into Love

Love is an active verb Not just a state

or feeling

Love is an active verb Not just a state

or feeling

© IEF 33© IEF 33

True Love Internal

focus Deepened

by conflicts & separation

Productive

True Love Internal

focus Deepened

by conflicts & separation

Productive

Infatuation External

focus Weakened

by conflicts & separation

Distracting

Infatuation External

focus Weakened

by conflicts & separation

Distracting

Discerning True LoveDiscerning True Love

© IEF 34© IEF 34

Romance by itself – Not enough to sustain marriages and families

Romance by itself – Not enough to sustain marriages and families

“ Falling In Love”Overvalued by Popular Culture

“ Falling In Love”Overvalued by Popular Culture

© IEF 35© IEF 35

Comprehend marriage commitment

Anticipate challenges and rewards

Comprehend marriage commitment

Anticipate challenges and rewards

Value of InformationAbout MarriageValue of InformationAbout Marriage

© IEF 36© IEF 36

Compatibility

Commitment

Intimacy Passion

Compatibility

Commitment

Intimacy Passion

RecognizeComponents of Relationships

RecognizeComponents of Relationships

© IEF 37© IEF 37

1. Infatuation

2. Conflict

3. Recommitment and cooperation

4. Creativity and service

1. Infatuation

2. Conflict

3. Recommitment and cooperation

4. Creativity and service

Anticipate Phases of Marriage Anticipate Phases of Marriage

© IEF 38© IEF 38

Listening and speaking effectively

Listening and speaking effectively

Learn Good CommunicationLearn Good Communication

© IEF 39© IEF 39

Value of Conflict Resolution Skills

Value of Conflict Resolution Skills

Marriage is stressful Destroyed by

unresolved conflicts

Marriage is stressful Destroyed by

unresolved conflicts

© IEF 40© IEF 40

1. Criticism

2. Contempt

3.Defensiveness

4.Stonewalling

1. Criticism

2. Contempt

3.Defensiveness

4.Stonewalling

Avoid Relationship PoisonsAvoid Relationship Poisons

© IEF 41© IEF 41

Make amends Practice forgiveness Find gratitude

Make amends Practice forgiveness Find gratitude

Foster ReconciliationFoster Reconciliation

© IEF 42© IEF 42

ServiceService

Broadens the experience of giving

Broadens the experience of giving

© IEF 43© IEF 43

Lessons of ServiceLessons of Service

Love requires effort To give is to receive

Love requires effort To give is to receive

© IEF 44© IEF 44

Value of higher purpose

Value of higher purpose

Strengthen Relationshipsthrough Service

Strengthen Relationshipsthrough Service

© IEF 45© IEF 45

Attractiveness Wealth Status

Attractiveness Wealth Status

Character Beliefs Ability to love

Character Beliefs Ability to love

Selecting a Marriage PartnerSelecting a Marriage Partner

Less Successful —

Focus on Outer Traits

Less Successful —

Focus on Outer Traits

More Successful —

Focus on Inner Traits

More Successful —

Focus on Inner Traits

© IEF 46© IEF 46

Physical attractiveness

Economic potential Status

Physical attractiveness

Economic potential Status

Qualities Most Valued by Those Seeking Partners

Qualities Most Valued by Those Seeking Partners

© IEF 47© IEF 47

Caring Honesty Trust Fidelity Commitment Willingness to

sacrifice Sense of humor

Caring Honesty Trust Fidelity Commitment Willingness to

sacrifice Sense of humor

Qualities Most Valued by Married Couples

Qualities Most Valued by Married Couples

© IEF 48© IEF 48

To Find a Good Marriage Prospect — Become One Yourself

To Find a Good Marriage Prospect — Become One Yourself

“To be loved, be lovable.”

“To be loved, be lovable.” OvidOvid

© IEF 49© IEF 49

Character —Foundation for Strong Marriage

Character —Foundation for Strong Marriage

© IEF 50© IEF 50

Marriage Preparation Education Has Benefits

Marriage Preparation Education Has Benefits

Individual happiness

Family stability National strength

Individual happiness

Family stability National strength

© IEF 51© IEF 51© IEF 51© IEF 51