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Suggestions

How to Resolve Conflicts between Siblings?

If you have more than one child, chances are they fight. Well-meaning parents sometimes do more to aggravate the situation rather than help the children come to a solution.

Future friends

It may hard to believe now, but your brother or sister may turn out to be your best friend someday. Many brothers and sisters fight and compete with each other while growing up but become very close

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when they get older. As you grow up, your friends might change, but your family forever

Don’t loose cool

Sometimes when you’re jealous and frustrated, it’s easy to lose your tempter.

Try to follow these tips to avoid getting into a fighter with your brother or sister:

Take deep breath and think a bit. Try to figure out if you are angry with the person or just frustrated with the situation.

Remind yourself that you have special talents. Your sister may have won an art contest, but you might be better at basket ball, math, or singing. Eight-year-old Marissa says her brother” always wins running races, but I always get gold stars for good homework grades and that makes me feel better”.

Try to congratulate your on their happiness. If you do this for

them, they’ll be more likely to do it for you.

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Hopefully, these tips will work. But if the situation gets out of control and you and your brother or sister start fighting a lot, you may need to talk to someone.

Mean words can lead to hitting and physical fighting. If this is going on with you and your sibling, talk to parent or another trusted adult.

If you feel that your sibling is not fair towards you just close your eyes and think that moment in which your sibling helped you, on thinking that incident your temper and hate towards your sibling will go down. Don’t ignore any child speech try to spend your time equally on hearing your children version.

What can the parent’s do?

If you have to referee sibling conflicts on a regular basis (and most parents of more than one child do), you should have a game plane.

Don’t automatically dismiss your child’s anger. Instead, it is important that you recognize your child is upset, whether he has a legitimate right to be or not.

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Don’t promote guilt. You don’t want to force your child to act a certain way out of guilt .It is much better and more productive if you help them resolve any conflicts that may arise.

Do give your children an opportunity to handle their disagreements without interference from you. Often, children begin arguments and fights simply to get attention

From their parents. Step back and see if your children can resolve their conflicting issues. Don’t instantly jump into every argument. If you can ignore them for a little while, they may settle the problem without your help.

Do look for ways to ward off confrontations. For example, if you know your children are going to fight about who will get the first piece of cake, have a system in place. One suggestion might be to let each child take turns being first for a whole day.

Initially, if the problem is small, allow your kids to resolve conflicts

on their own. Don’t try to interfere until the problem turns really serious.

Never discuss the problems when both of your children are in an aggressive state. Tell them to calm down first, but never behave aggressively to resolve their conflicts.

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Focus on the problem rather than who created the problem. Make your children focus on the solution for the problem instead of the source. Patiently listen to each child’s version and help them to understand each other in better way. This can help to avoid further conflicts between siblings later in their life.

Try to restore their relationship and help them to realize the importance of relationships in life and also educate them to resolve conflicts in a better way. If nothing works, divert your children’s attention to other aspects.The very first problem is the sibling will not allow them to touch their things. This is mainly due to that the siblings fear that their things would be lost or their sis or brother would hold their things instead of returning it back

Sibling Rivalry and How to Help

How Common Is Sibling Rivalry?

Most children adjust fairly quickly to a new brother or sister. Yet, even in the best sibling relationships sibling rivalry is common and understandable. When the new baby is born, an older child is likely to feel "dethroned" or displaced. The parent must devote much of his or her attention to the new arrival. The new baby requires considerable time and focus. The parents now divide their attention between two or more children. And the new baby frequently receives the bulk of it, due to the infant's vulnerable and needy state.

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Parents have less time for their older children. Both the quality and quantity of their interactions with their older children may decrease. Older siblings are likely to notice the difference and feel displaced. The new baby becomes a rival for the parents' attention. This can set the foundation for sibling rivalry.

Is Age a Factor in Sibling Fighting?

Age is a factor. Sibling rivalry appears more intense among younger children and spans the toddler, preschool and elementary school years. As children move into their adolescent years and become more independent, sibling rivalry usually decreases.

Young children are most likely to fight over possessions. Elementary school aged children frequently fight over which television program to watch. This can be a constant and ongoing battle.

Preteens will also resent a younger sibling when they perceive the parent favours the younger child: for example, when they believe the parent does more for the younger child and babies him or her. Parents are more apt to baby and coddle their youngest child. Older children often resent this. Similarly, older children also

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resent a younger child when they feel unfairly blamed for the conflict between them.

Sibling conflict also appears most intense when children are close in age-2 years or less. This is likely because similar aged children depend on similar amounts of attention and support from their parents.

As the age span between them increases, sibling rivalry seems to decrease. Older children, for example, often take on a care-giving or protective role with a younger sibling.

How to Help An Older Child Adjust To A New Sibling?

1. Perhaps the most important thing parents can do is to involve the older child before and after the birth. For example:

Before the birth of the new baby encourage the older children to be part of the event. Involve them in preparing for the arrival of

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the baby (preparing the baby clothes & the baby's sleeping arrangements, looking at their baby pictures etc.)

Read appropriate children's books to the child about the arrival of a new brother or sister.

After the baby is born continue to involve the older siblings. Ask them to help with the baby. Encourage them to become aware of the baby's feelings and needs, and help comfort the baby when appropriate.

2. Attend to the Older Child's Needs.

Try not to ignore your older children as you care for the new baby.

Remember the close times you shared with your older children before the baby was born. Continue to arrange special, close times. For example, set aside a special time for your older child and integrate this into your day.

Maintain the older child's routines as much as possible and continue to provide them with love and attention.

3. Be on the Look Out for Signs of Jealously.

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Jealousy often lies at the root of sibling fighting. Signs of jealousy in a child who feels displaced by the new baby include:

(a)Behavioural Concerns

Changes in behaviour Difficult and demanding behaviour. Dependent, clinging or whining behaviours. Mood swings, temper tantrums or irritability Problems with eating, sleeping and toileting routines.

(b) Difficult and Hurtful Behaviours Toward a Baby or Younger Sibling

May taunt, tease or say unkind things about the baby. May be aggressive or hurt the baby (e.g. pinch, poke or hit their

younger sibling). With older children signs of jealousy and rivalry between siblings

might include teasing, name calling, shouting matches and the occasional kicks and punches.

When Sibling Fighting is Out of Control

Sibling fighting that crosses the line and is out of control may signal more serious concerns. Not all sibling fighting is normal. Sibling fighting can be abusive and involve physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. Sibling abuse often goes unrecognized by parents and society.

Yet, like any other form of abuse, sibling abuse represents a serious concern. It can have long lasting and detrimental effects on the victim, such as depression, anxiety, low self- esteem and poor self-image.

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Parents who are concerned about sibling fighting may benefit from the support of a Child psychologist

Sibling fighting that includes extreme hostility and/or verbal, emotional or physical abuse is cause for concern. When one sibling repeatedly bullies and victimizes one or several of his siblings intervention can help solve the problem and help you to help your children.

Children who bully and victimize their siblings may suffer from behavioral and emotional concerns and might benefit from professional support.

If sibling fighting is out of control, keep the following in mind:

The parents' relationship with each other can influence how stormy or smooth the sibling relationship is.

Sibling fighting is less pronounced when parents handle conflict appropriately in their own relationship, and during their interactions with each of their children.

Sibling relationships are also friendlier and less conflictual when their parents respond warmly and sensitively to all their children and do not consistently favor one over the other.

A reliance on these inappropriate behaviours can contribute to behaviour and social problems in children, at school and in the community.

Common Mistakes Parents Make

Ignoring extreme sibling rivalry and dismissing it as normal. Failing to teach children how to solve problems and conflicts with

their siblings. Failing to model appropriate conflict resolution skills. Consistently favouring one child over another.

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Expecting too much of an older child, compared to a younger sibling.

Blaming an older child for sibling fighting because he is older and should know better.

Unnecessarily pampering and coddling a younger child and/or doing this far more than was the case for another child.

Failing to maintain a consistently caring, supportive and attentive relationship with their older children following the birth of the new baby.

Failure to teach children how to solve problems, manage anger and deal with their feelings.

Consistently blaming one child for sibling problems without ensuring whether this is warranted.