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A Person-Centred approach to Resolving Online Conflict by Michelle Atterbury An Online Counsellor Guide to

Resolving online conflict[1] michelle atterbury

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Page 1: Resolving online conflict[1] michelle atterbury

A Person-Centred approach to Resolving Online Conflict

by Michelle Atterbury

An Online Counsellor Guideto

Page 2: Resolving online conflict[1] michelle atterbury

How can conflict be heightened online?

When we talk to someone online, we are unable to respond to cues like:

• Facial Expression

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• body language

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•Tone of Voice

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In the absence of visual and auditory cues, the online counsellor is open to :• Misunderstanding the client • Biased perception and hearing of the clients

emotions and feelings• Making interpretations based on the

counsellor’s perception of the clients words• Understanding intent and meaning outside of

the clients internal frame of reference

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Developing skills and attitudes in 4 of the Roger’s core-conditions may help online counsellors minimise the risk of

conflict

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Basic Empathy

“The counsellor experiences an empathic understanding of the client’s internal frame of reference and endeavours to communicate this experience to the client.”

• The online counsellor is able to understand the way the client sees life and feels about it and being able to demonstrate this understanding to the client in writing.

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Basic EmpathyPlace yourself in the other person’s shoes

Respond empathically to what the client writes:

“when you write… It sounds as though you feel…

“I heard you say … as I read … Did I get that right?”

“You seem to be…” or “It seems like…when you wrote…”

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Acceptance of and respect for the client

“The counsellor experiences unconditional positive regard for the client.”

• The online counsellor must feel and build skills through their writing to demonstrate an acceptance of the client as they are, not as they should be,

• Show respect for the client’s rights and views even though they may not agree with such views themselves.

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Acceptance of and respect for the client

Be Supportive

• Encourage, reassure , affirm“I want to understand what you’re saying” Don’t be afraid to verbalize what you want to

accomplish“I feel hurt by some stuff that you said. I want

to talk about it in a way that we both feel heard and understood.”

“I want to find a way to work this out. I know we don’t agree about everything and that’s

okay. I’d like to talk with you about how I felt reading your email.”

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Genuineness• “The second person, whom we shall term the client,

is congruent or integrated in the relationship”

• The online counsellor communicates within the counselling relationship through words a state of being real, open and human.

• The online counsellor is assertive and takes responsibility for their own limitations and attitude. They use words as a tool for being straight forward with the client rather than a tool to hide behind.

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Genuineness

• The online counsellor must want to be available and want to work with the client to resolve conflict online just as tentatively…

• …as if the client was physically present with them

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GenuinenessUse strictly feeling statements

• Write statements beginning with “I feel or felt…Hurt” ,

Sad”, Happy”,

Scared”, Angry”,

Guilty”, Remorseful”,

etc

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Concreteness• Refers to the way in which the online counsellor

enables the online client to focus experiences, feelings in concrete terms rather than generalisations

• In the absence of auditory/visual cues ‘Tuning in’ to the clients world through writing will take longer than working with f2f clients

• The online counsellor who effectively ‘tunes in’ to their client’s world can provide the foundation for the client to feel heard, understood and respected in the therapeutic relationship.

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ConcretenessClarify what was meant

Check it out with your client – “What did you mean by…?”

Be specific -“When you said…I heard… is that what you

meant?” “when you said… did you mean…

We all can misinterpret what we hear and read, particularly when we feel hurt or upset.

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A Summary of A Person-Centred Approach to Resolving Conflict

Online

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As an Online counsellor, remember to:• Place yourself in the other

person’s shoes• Respond empathically to

what the client writes.• Be Supportive!• Encourage, reassure,

affirm. • Don’t be afraid to verbalize

what you want to accomplish

• Use strictly feeling statements, “I feel or felt…”

• Clarify what you heard and read

• Check it out with your client!

• Be specific - focus on experience and feelings.