Reasons why your son is defiant

Why your teenage son is defiant?

“How can you talk with someone who isn’t interested in talking or listening?”

Do not do …

A lot of times, parents act like adolescents, shouting and screaming and engaging in endless arguments. This is clearly not what a parent should do to help the situation.

Believe it or not …

The intensity of feelings can be a hopeful sign. People who fight with each other still care what the other person thinks and still want to have impact and influence on each other.

Families that are the most difficult to pull back from disaster are those in which people have given up on each other and no longer care. Where there are fights, there is some room to salvage the relationships.

Reasons why is he defiant …

1. Your teen son is most likely trying to grapple with creating his own identity, “standard behavior”, how to live within the family structure, or has a deep issue he hasn’t yet worked on.

2. Your son is transitioning, and “defiant” behavior is usually stemming from something that is going on in his life or has happened in the past, and it's important to find out what that is.

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3. When dealing with a defiant teen, it feels like everything is out of control. Your teenager will fight against any attempt made to control him. Society demands that you “get that kid under control,” so you use every parenting technique you think will work. In turn, your child digs in his heels, pushes back and becomes even more defiant. It becomes more about the power struggle than the behavior itself.



4. What looks like defiance may actually be a teen's natural "itch" for greater independence. He wants to make his own choices and for his parents to trust him.

5. Your teenager is separating and moving toward his friends and what he thinks is right. This is normal, natural and necessary. If a parent tries to fight the process, they’ll lose or their lives will be miserable.



So what else can help? A few easy tips …

Get to the root cause.

Trying to talk to your son and finding out if there is something causing the defiant behavior is a good start. Your teen son may be having problems with a friend or a teacher at school, and many times when teens have problems that are upsetting to them; they will express it in defiant behavior. Getting to the root of a problem will make it easier for the parent and teen to make the situation better. It can simply start with creating dialogue and asking the right questions.





Pick your battles. (Decide when it’s best to talk)

It is important as a parent to decide which battles are important to challenge and which ones to let go or talk about later. It’s easy to get caught up in arguing and then realize it really wasn’t as important as originally thought or productive for your relationship with your son.



Deal with Issues Together.

No one likes to deal with problems alone. Finding out and trying to help and solve your teen's problems together is a good way to build trust and a bond. When your teen son feels like you’re a team, he will be less likely to be defiant.







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Reasons why your son is defiant