Finding Reasons to Live
HOW WE LIVE
Finding Reasons to LiveEmmy van Deurzen
Facebook and LinkedIn: Existential
Therapywww.emmyvandeurzen.comwww.existential.academywww.dilemmas.orgwww.nspc.org.ukwww.slideshare.netTwitter:
@emmyzen @existacademy @therapytraining
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Emmy van DeurzenMPhil, MPsych, PHD, CPsychol, FBPsS
Visiting Professor Middlesex University -UKDirector Dilemma
ConsultancyDirector Existential Academy Principal New School of
Psychotherapy and Counselling - London
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15 Books
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Aim of existential dialogueEnable people to search for truth in
their lives Help them live passionately and compassionately Finding
inner authority: think for yourselfGreater understanding of the
human condition Purpose and direction: intentionalityParadox,
dialectic: freedom, responsibility, life, death Find talents,
strength, vulnerability Past, present, future, temporality
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Different sorts of psychotherapyDesperational : analyse pain
(past)Experiential: feel the now (present)Aspirational: fit into
society: (future)Inspirational: find truth, awe and curiosity
(eternal)
Diversity, Individuality, Human Universals (Brown,
1991)Language, facial expressions, gestures, writingSocial
structures, status and rules, leadershipExperience of emotions,
Tools/toys/weapons use, Truth/falsehood, worldviews, rituals,
Kinship / hospitalityEducation of youngArt, music, magic,
religionHealing/ death practice
Science and philosophy both important
Learning the factsGoing beyond the findings of psychology
Positive psychology
Hedonism versus virtue ethics
Socrates and Plato
Using philosophy to get out of the cave
Dare to explore the cave and make new discoveries?
Quest for Happiness
Multi dimensional Existential Space
Physical space
Social space
Personal space
Spiritual space
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Meaning not happinessBaumeister (1991) Meanings of Life
Baumeister concluded that there are four basic needs for meaning:
Need for purpose (spiritual)Need for value (social)Need for
efficacy (physical)Need for self-worth (personal)It is the process
of going in the general direction of these four objectives that
makes for a good life.
@Emmy van Deurzen 2015
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Frankls way to meaningExperiential values: what we take from the
world.Creative values: what we give to the world.Attitudinal values
: the way we deal with suffering.
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We need COURAGETillichs Courage to Be:Courage is the universal
self-affirmation of ones Being in the presence of the threat of
non-Being(Tillich 1952:163).
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Integrating non being: Paul Tillich: 1886-1965 A neurotic person
can take on board only a little bit of non-beingThe average person
can take on a limited amount of non-beingThe creative person can
accommodate a large amount of non-beingGod can tolerate an infinite
amount of non-being.
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Existential intelligenceEmbracing existence in its
contradictions and rising to its challengesRealizing that there is
no such thing as a perfect human being or everlasting happiness, or
an ideal situationLearning to be resilient and flexible enough to
negotiate on-going paradoxes Facing existential challenges in a
personal and creative manner that allows for dialectic and
surpassing Grappling with tensions, conflicts and dilemmas and
slowly learning to make sense of it
Project: active transcendence Man is characterized above all by
his going beyond a situation and by what he succeeds in making of
what he has been made. This is what we call the project.
(Sartre, Search for a Method:91)
@Emmy van Deurzen 2015
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Finding the purpose of life IKIGAI
John Henry Fuselis the nightmare: Suppression of feelings leads
to dysfunction and despairloss of freedom: depression is often
actually about oppression or suppressionwhen we free ourselves:
anxiety
pridejealousyanger-despairfearsorrowshameenvyhope-desirelovejoySadnessLow
HappinessHigh
AnxietyExcitementEngagement
DepressionDisappointmentDisengagement
Compass of emotionsevd 10
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Resilience: how to deal with adversity and crisis
Making sense: using the prefrontal lobes
Adaptability, flexibilityneurons, like us: making new
connections: organizing
Life is about learning
Spinoza: the universe is governed by necessary laws which when
respected and understood allow us freedom:
determinismcontingency
Sisyphus: Life as a futile uphill struggle
There is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is
whether life is or is not worth living. (Camus: The Myth of
Sisyphus)
Meaning found not despite but because of adversity
Lifes events are grist for the mill: nurturance
Classic solutionsThe un-reflected life is not worth living
(Socrates) It is not death that a man should fear, but he should
fear never beginning to live (Marcus Aurelius: stoic).
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AristotleEudaimonia: the good life : virtue ethics, live in line
with your demon forceSift opinions between true and falseShould
benefit the community at large rather than only the individual
Philosophy teacher's discourse with the pupil (client) should be a
co-operative, critical one that insists on the virtues of
orderliness, deliberateness and clarity
EpicureansThe Epicureans seek to treat human suffering by
removing corrupting desires and by eliminating pain and disturbance
(ataraxia). Adjust values retaining only those that are attainable
and may bring pleasure.
Skeptics Pyrrho of Elis (c. 360-275 B.C.)Skeptics: the only way
to stop pain and suffering is to simply not believe in or desire
anything. So whilst Epicureans try to get rid of false beliefs, the
Skeptics want to get rid of all beliefs.
Stoics: overcoming weaknessOrdering of the self and soul
Exercise of the mind Akrasia: lack of moral fibre and emotional
weaknessFind that critical moment (kairos) for change Zeno: virtue
is its own reward
Stoic goalFor the Stoics the pupil's goal is to become his own
teacher and pupilIn order to improve a person's life the soul must
be exercised everyday, for instance by the use of logic and poetry
The objective is wisdom, the only ultimate value and virtue and
leads to eudaimonia, the flourishing life: wisdom, courage,
justice, temperanceThe means: detachment and self-control :
apathy
Reality of existence: to be fully alive, aware
Kierkegaards breathingPersonhood is a synthesis of possibility
and necessity. Its continued existence is like breathing
(respiration), which is an inhaling and exhaling.(Kierkegaard,
Sickness unto Death: 40)
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Attunement
Starting from what you love
Confucius: living is a craft, we learn to perfect
Starting with little sparks, building a fire
Discovering possibility inside
Heideggers Ereignis: re-owningOriginal thanking is the thanks
owed for being. That thanks alone gives rise to thinking of the
kind we know as retribution and reward in the good and bad sense.
(Heidegger 1954:141)
You have to own your life: it is your work of art
Get perspective and find purpose and direction
Discovering what matters
Freuds view
Work
Movement, engagement and actionFinding your own joy in work and
living
Love
Bubers encounterThe interhuman: das Zwischenmenschlichen; the
in-between is where real communication takes place. (Buber, Between
Man and Man, 1929).
All actual life is encounter (ibid: 62)This is where truth is
found.
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Belonging, caring, communication
Onto-dynamicsLearning to live in line with the laws of life
Paradox, conflict, difficulty and dilemmas are our daily companions
When crisis comes we need to have the courage to descend to rock
bottomFrom there we can build something better@Emmy van Deurzen
2015
Potentiality is more than actualityFrom project to action in our
own lives. Plotting a route through the obstaclesPotentiality of
past as well as of the present and future.Living in time:
transcendence and evolution
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Exploring our limits and our possibilities. Understanding and
getting things in perspective
Ultimately we are intertwined with the cosmic order: the
implicate order of the universe (Bohm)
Existential therapyTo attend to the principle of life Solomons
thoughtful love of lifeVitality at all levels of lifeWhat is our
interaction with nature, others, self and the ultimate?
Multi dimensional time
PastPresentFutureEternityTimelessnessParallel universes
DESIRES
FEARS
VALUES
PHYSICAL
life
death
vitality
SOCIAL
love
hate
reciprocity
PERSONAL
identity
freedom
integrity
SPIRITUAL
good
evil
transparency
Human values rediscovered.
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Tensions and paradoxes at all levelsWorldUmwelt Mitwelt
EigenweltUberwelt PhysicalNature:Life/DeathThings:Pleasure/Pain
Body:Health/IllnessCosmos:Harmony/Chaos
Social
Society:Love/HateOthers:Dominance/SubmissionEgo:Acceptance/RejectionCulture:Belonging/IsolationPersonalPerson:Identity/FreedomMe:Perfection/ImperfectionSelf:Integrity/DisintegrationConsciousness:Confidence/
ConfusionSpiritual:
Infinite:Good/EvilIdeas:Truth/UntruthSpirit:Meaning/FutilityConscience:Right/Wrong
Simone de Beauvoir the Mandarins (625)You cant lead a proper
life in a society which isnt proper, in which every way you turn,
you are always caught You cant draw a straight line in a curved
space.
Therapy: finding the space and time to face oneself
Existential therapy helps people refocus their lives, to free
themselves :
steadiness, courage, persistence, resilience, flexibility,
clarity, direction, purpose, understanding and meaning
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New perspectives: life as an adventureLearning to be you and
living life well
www.nspc.org.ukwww.existentialacademy.comwww.emmyvandeurzen.comwww.societyofpsychotherapy.org.uk
www.existentialpsychotherapy.netwww.icecap.org.ukwww.dilemmas.orgFacebook
and LinkedIn: Existential Therapywww.slideshare.com
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Project: active transcendence Man is characterized above all by
his going beyond a situation and by what he succeeds in making of
what he has been made. This is what we call the project.
(Sartre, Search for a Method:91)
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Time ZonesPresent: zone of activity, which includes all the
other zones of timeRemote past: zone of the obsolete and of
history, including ones own life myths Mediate past: zone of loss
and regret Immediate past: zone of remorse or griefImmediate
future: zone of expectation Mediate future: zone of wish and hope
or dread and anxiety. Remote future: zone of prayer and ethical
action and also of ultimate meaning of life.
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Deliberate livingHelping clients to live deliberately rather
than by default. Recognize particular life situation and its
advantages and disadvantages.Understand the what, the why, the how,
the where and when of the clients position in the world and connect
to the what for. Make room for new choices and for liberation.
Problematize, dont solve the issues. Question, query, encourage
creativity.
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What does it mean in practice?The person needs to talk, be
listened to, discover that they can fill the space, the silence.
Hold their own. Know things, understand themselves, find out who
they are, what their talents are and where they want to go.
They need to feel connected, understood, heard, important,
enabled, validated. They need a sense of purpose and direction.
Existential intelligenceEmbracing existence in its
contradictions and rising to its challenges.Realizing that there is
no such thing as a perfect human being. Learning to be resilient
and flexible enough to negotiate on-going paradoxes Facing
existential challenges in a personal and creative manner that
allows for dialectic.
Finding your talent, your mission.
The right level of challengeTo live a meaningful life and have
goals and values is not enough: you must also feel you are capable
of achieving these things. It is necessary to find moderately
difficult tasks to maintain that middle ground between boredom (too
easy) and anxiety (too hard). (Baumeister 1991: 41)@Emmy van
Deurzen 2015
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VALUES AND BELIEFSValues and beliefs are the basis of a personal
code of ethics which is about: how I want to live my lifehow I want
to treat othershow I want to be treated by othershow I aim to
evaluate my actions and those of othershow I feel about human
existence as a result
@Emmy van Deurzen 2015
Reasons for therapyLost, confusedTraumatised Imprisoned in
routinesNo sense of self, isolatedParalysed, scared Moral conflicts
or dilemmas Conflicts with others Meaninglessness
We discover beingWe are part of changeWe impact on othersWe can
create and contributeWe can relate differentlyWe can shape shiftWe
can open up and blossomWe can breathe and be and enjoyWe can
discover awe, transcendence, infinity
Growing strong
We dont have to bechampions.
Imagination and dreams: reconnecting
Play and freedom: joy
Beauty and awe: gratitude
Learning to love your life:sleep, humor, safety, comfort
No judgement: understanding
Getting to know yourself in past, present, future
Transcendence
Existential Therapy
Working with philosophical methods, amongst which phenomenology,
dialectics, maieutics, hermeneutics and heuristic methods.
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Limits of therapy: ontonomyTherapy when practiced well is a fine
but delicately balanced intervention in another persons life. It
requires a devotion to truth and a merciless pursuit of right
living. Expertise in bringing people out of the darkness of a
disappointed or bitter life into the light of a new vitality is
hard earned. It is a privilege and a pleasure when it works well.
But that level of engagement with clients is also extremely
demanding and it can never be achieved by trotting out stereotyped
tricks from approved textbooks. Emmy van Deurzen
Hard to do it alone
Minkowskis idea of time
PresentRemote PastMediate PastImmediate PastImmediate
FutureMediate FutureRemote Future
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Alegras de CrdobaPaco PeaP PenaFabulous
Flamenco!Traditional1991iTunes 11.0Emmy van Deurzenhouse of rising
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A H A N D B O O K O F E X I S T E N T I A L P S Y C H O T H E R
A P Y
M Y S T E R I E SE V E R Y D A Y
E M M Y V A N D E U R Z E N
S e c o n d E d i t i o n
Edited by Emmy van Deurzen and Sarah Young
Widening the Horizon ofPsychotherapy and Counselling
ExistentialPerspectives on
Supervision
Barber: Adagio For Strings, Op. 11William OrbitVarious
ArtistsClassical Chill
Out2010-10-11T07:00:[email protected] 2010 Entertain
Me Ltd2013-11-11 17:48:44Orchard:isrc:GBVUT1044519
