Learning Leaders

Gervase BusheGervase Bushe

Clear Leadership Clear Leadership

Leadership Book Leadership Book ClubClub

Selection of the Selection of the MonthMonth

Learning Leaders

Learning Learning LeadersLeaders

Conflict and Conflict and LeadershipLeadership

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Today’s AgendaToday’s AgendaLearning LeadersLearning LeadersLearning FocusLearning FocusLearning MomentsLearning MomentsLearning Learning

ApplicationApplicationLearning ForwardLearning Forward

Gervase BusheGervase Bushe

Clear Clear LeadershipLeadership

Learning Leaders

ConflictConflict

Sometime conflict arises due to Sometime conflict arises due to unclear roles and unclear roles and responsibilities.responsibilities.

Most of the time, conflict is due Most of the time, conflict is due to interpersonal communication to interpersonal communication (aka miscommunication). (aka miscommunication). Actually there are a lot of Actually there are a lot of misses…misses…

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… … misinterpretation, misinterpretation, misperception, misperception,

misunderstanding, misstatement, misunderstanding, misstatement,

misnomer, miscommunication,misnomer, miscommunication,

misinformation, mistake... Etc.misinformation, mistake... Etc.

These are all missed These are all missed opportunities.opportunities.

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Gervase Bushe Gervase Bushe describes describes many types of many types of conflict as conflict as

““Interpersonal Interpersonal Mush”Mush”

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Learning Leaders

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If a video camera were in the room, it If a video camera were in the room, it would record details as to who, what, would record details as to who, what, where, when something was said or where, when something was said or occurred. occurred.

These are called OBSERVATIONS.These are called OBSERVATIONS.

We all OBSERVE things but some We all OBSERVE things but some people OBSERVE things more strongly people OBSERVE things more strongly than others.than others.

e.g. What colour is the paint in the e.g. What colour is the paint in the hallway?hallway?

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OBSERVATIONS would not OBSERVATIONS would not include why something was include why something was said or done.said or done.

This is where we start having This is where we start having THOUGHTS about why THOUGHTS about why someone said or did someone said or did something.something.

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We may even think that We may even think that someone is FEELING a certain someone is FEELING a certain way.way.e.g. I THINK that Jack FEELS e.g. I THINK that Jack FEELS angry. I can tell just by looking angry. I can tell just by looking at him. He is upset with Jill. at him. He is upset with Jill. Right?Right?And thus INTERPERSONAL And thus INTERPERSONAL MUSH is born.MUSH is born.

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Interpersonal MushInterpersonal Mush

I OBSERVE Jack walk in.I OBSERVE Jack walk in. I THINK Jack FEELS angry. I THINK Jack FEELS angry. I THINK it’s because he didn’t get a I THINK it’s because he didn’t get a

promotion and Jill did.promotion and Jill did. I go talk with Jill and express my I go talk with Jill and express my

THOUGHTS about Jack. She agrees.THOUGHTS about Jack. She agrees. That becomes our reality – MUSH!That becomes our reality – MUSH!

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I FEEL uncomfortable and I FEEL uncomfortable and awkwardly avoid Jack. I don’t awkwardly avoid Jack. I don’t know what to say.know what to say.Because I avoid him, Jack Because I avoid him, Jack THINKS I’m FEELING angry at THINKS I’m FEELING angry at him.him.He checks with someone else He checks with someone else who agrees and that becomes who agrees and that becomes their reality – MUSH!their reality – MUSH!

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I am FEELING uncomfortable I am FEELING uncomfortable around Jack and I really don’t around Jack and I really don’t want that to be the case. It’s want that to be the case. It’s just how I FEEL.just how I FEEL.

Do I really WANT to FEEL Do I really WANT to FEEL uncomfortable around Jack? uncomfortable around Jack?

Actually, it’s very difficult to see Actually, it’s very difficult to see him looking so angry because him looking so angry because that is really what I don’t WANT.that is really what I don’t WANT.

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Often it is much easier for people to Often it is much easier for people to say what they don’t WANT. say what they don’t WANT.

E.g. “I don’t WANT to have a E.g. “I don’t WANT to have a problem” or “I don’t WANT my day problem” or “I don’t WANT my day ruined”. ruined”.

It’s helpful to reframe or rephrase It’s helpful to reframe or rephrase into what is WANTED. Rather than into what is WANTED. Rather than describing what you don’t WANT, describing what you don’t WANT, describe what you do WANT.describe what you do WANT.

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I WANT to come to work, have a I WANT to come to work, have a good day, and go home.good day, and go home.

I WANT to have a positive I WANT to have a positive working relationship with Jack.working relationship with Jack.

I WANT Jack to be able to speak I WANT Jack to be able to speak with me about any issues that with me about any issues that might arise between us.might arise between us.

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Gervase Bushe provided us with a Gervase Bushe provided us with a model that helps clear up the model that helps clear up the interpersonal mush. He called it the interpersonal mush. He called it the Experience Cube.Experience Cube.

To the extent that I am OBSERVANT, To the extent that I am OBSERVANT, am aware of my THOUGHTS, know am aware of my THOUGHTS, know what I’m FEELING, and understand what I’m FEELING, and understand what I WANT, I have clarity. That is my what I WANT, I have clarity. That is my experience. experience.

If I can understand my experience and If I can understand my experience and understand your experience (and vice understand your experience (and vice versa), we can avoid interpersonal versa), we can avoid interpersonal mush.mush.

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Using the Experience Using the Experience CubeCube

Demonstration (5 Demonstration (5 minutes)minutes)

Model the Experience Model the Experience Cube.Cube.

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Exercise - Total 4 MinutesExercise - Total 4 MinutesPlease think of something that you are Please think of something that you are

presently dealing with, something that presently dealing with, something that you don’t mind sharing with another.you don’t mind sharing with another.

Find a partner. Briefly describe the Find a partner. Briefly describe the scenario. Then walk your way through scenario. Then walk your way through the cube. the cube.

Your partner is to help make sure Your partner is to help make sure you’re in the proper quadrant. Then you’re in the proper quadrant. Then switch and the other person gets a switch and the other person gets a turn.turn.

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Learning Learning ForwardForward

Aware SelfAware SelfDescriptive SelfDescriptive SelfCurious SelfCurious SelfAppreciative SelfAppreciative SelfPick up a copy of Clear Pick up a copy of Clear

Leadership or visit Leadership or visit www.clearleadership.comwww.clearleadership.com

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ConclusionConclusion

Learning Leaders is a continuation Learning Leaders is a continuation of a desire to promote leadership of a desire to promote leadership development.development.

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