FEEDBACK & IMPROVEMENTS – TRAVEL WRITING

1. Comma Splicing

■Joining two independent sentences together with a comma when there should be a full stop.

I saw a man called John, he was extremely overweight.

As the rock was huge, I decided to try to climb it.

I felt a light beside me, it was glowing brightly.

2. British/American Spelling

■Stick to BRITISH spelling

■Meter■Honor■Mediaeval■Sulphur■Distill■Theatre

3. Too much direct speech

■In your draft, think about the speech that you want to directly quote using the speech marks (“”)

■Choose what you think will be most effective to the reader

4. Paragraphing

■Necessary breaks in your writing■When you are planning, decide

where you will start a new paragraph – it might be a new event, new time, etc.

5. Punctuation

■Punctuation used incorrectly

■A colon (:) – used to list items, before a quote or an explanation or expansion

■A semi-colon (;) – used to separate two closely related independent clauses

■A dash (-) – used as a pause which carries more emphasis than a comma

Key Tip!

■Read aloud, and see at what point you pause

■Where you pause most likely needs a punctuation mark!

Group work – Race!

■ In groups of 3, you will have to punctuate 3 passages.■ Everyone will have the same passage, and once you have finished the

first passage, one person has to come up and get me to check whether it is right. If it is right, I will give you the second passage. If it is wrong, I will tell you to go back to your group to correct it.

■ First group to punctuate all 3 passages correctly wins!

First passage

Its the 23rd December today 2 days until Christmas day As I lie awake I can only hear the wind whistling in the background Is it the sound of Santa Claus flying around gathering his brood of Reindeer

First passage

It’s the 23rd December today. 2 days until Christmas day. As I lie awake, I can only hear the wind whistling in the background. Is it the sound of Santa Claus flying around, gathering his brood of Reindeer?!

Second passage

I see the rock its huge This is a monstrosity I quip How am I going to do this This was the time I wished I was Deadpool not some second-class superhero like Spiderman or Batman

Second passage

I see the rock – it’s huge. “This is a monstrosity,” I quip. How am I going to do this?! This was the time I wished I was Deadpool, not some second-class superhero like Spiderman or Batman.

Third passage

I felt like Deadpool funny and invincible Its funny what life brings There are always ups and downs but after this being an incredible low I feel that life will improve Things cant get any worse can they

Third passage

I felt like Deadpool – funny and invincible. It’s funny what life brings. There are always ups and downs, but after this being an incredible low, I feel that life will improve. Things can’t get any worse, can they?

Improvements Paragraph

■Using what we have just spoken about, and your targets, write an improvement paragraph.