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Building Better Childhoods Grief Matters, Grief Matters, Responding to Loss Responding to Loss and Bereavement and Bereavement Mike O’Connor Mike O’Connor mike.o’[email protected] .uk

Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

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Mike O'Connor, The Notre Dame Centre, http://www.notredamecentre.org.uk Session 2 - Building Better Childhoods, Understanding Contemporary Childhood. Getting It Right for Every Child: Childhood, Citizenship and Children's Services, Glasgow, 24-26 September 2008. http://www.iriss.org.uk/conference/girfec

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Page 1: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Building Better Childhoods

Grief Matters, Responding Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavementto Loss and Bereavement

Mike O’ConnorMike O’Connor

mike.o’[email protected]

Page 2: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Grief Matters

Grief has no friends Grief is normal Grief education is important Children’s grief is often misunderstood Preparation is key There is no “grieve by’” date

Page 3: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Contemporary Childhood

1 in 10 children in the UK under age of sixteen has a mental health disorder

Young people in the UK are involved in more violence, binge drinking and drug taking than European teenagers

1 in 5 girls (age 15-17) self harm

A third of all boys and a quarter of all girls bully other children at some stage in their school career

40,000 children are prescribed anti-depressants in the UK

Nearly 50% of teenagers report that they are unable to talk to their parents about their problems

Centre for Child mental Health(2007)

Page 4: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Change Cycle

Page 5: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Different Types of Loss

Developmental

Anticipated

Unexpected

Page 6: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Some Major Life Events for Children

Death of a family member Parental separation and divorce Becoming ‘Looked After’ Living with parents with problems of addiction

Page 7: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Definition of Grief

‘The feelings we have when we lose

someone or something precious’

Page 8: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Child – Parent Discrepancies in Reporting

children often under-report their level of distress to parents

Key issue for schools Children under-

report to their teachers

Page 9: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Grief Reactions

Physical Behavioural Emotional Cognitive

Page 10: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Adults Views on Grief

‘Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break’ (Shakespeare)

‘He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it’ (Turkish proverb)

‘one often calms one’s grief by recounting it’

(George Eliot)

Page 11: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Adults Views on Grief

‘least reward for hardest work’Les Murray, Poet

Page 12: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

A Child’s view (age 10)

‘I’m angry (at God)... I knew grandad was going to die.... but not as soon as that... it’s like I had no say’

Page 13: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Children, Young People and Bereavement

92% of children under 16 report experiencing ‘significant bereavement’

70 % of schools will be dealing with a recently bereaved child

Jane Ribben-McCarthy, NCB, Highlight No.232 (2007)

Page 14: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Bereavement – a mainstream issue?

In UK almost 78% of 11-16 year olds have report the death of at least one of first or second degree relatives (includes grandparents or close friends)

Prevalence range for the death of a parent are around 5-7%

Slightly lower figures for the death of a sibling

Jane Ribben-McCarthy, NCB, Highlight No.232 (2007)

Page 15: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Survey in 3 Primary Schools in Clackmannanshire (2003)

Did this ever happen to you? School A School B School C

Total Sample

Family bereavement (%) 48 58 67 59

Separation or divorce ( %) 27 24 38 30

Page 16: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Does experiencing a bereavement constitute a risk factor?

Not necessarily but experiencing a parental bereavement increases risk

May be particularly harmful for children who are already vulnerable or who have experienced multiple problems

Page 17: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Children and Young PeopleWhat do they think?

Difficulty coping with and understanding overwhelming feelings

Long time periods over which they are affected

Adverse impact on social relationships

Lack of opportunities to talk

Lack of power and sense of exclusion from decision-making

Page 18: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Key Messages

Preparation is essential - and possible

Timely intervention and support should be offered when children need it

All those working with and for children should be aware of the impact of loss and bereavement on children

Children and young people should be able to access support in their own communities

There can be positive and negative outcomes for bereaved children

Cultural differences should be respected

Page 19: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Seasons for Growth- a loss and grief education program

is based on peer support

uses quality educational methods to process loss and grief

is a withdrawal program from normal classes

has five levels – three in Primary and two in Secondary

has an Adult Program available in 3 Components

promotes connectedness

Page 20: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

WHO Framework for Comprehensive Mental Health promotion in Schools

Page 21: Grief Matters, Responding to Loss and Bereavement - Mike O'Connor

Contact details

www.notredamecentre.org.uk

[email protected]