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Creating Non- Bullying Communities Using radical welcome to build strong community.

Creating non bullying communities

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The only effective response to bullying is to create a community in which bullying is not needed for bullies to fill their needs. Few people choose to be bullies, but fall into the behaviour because it fills a need. Creating communities based on diversity, healthy relationships and courage.

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Page 1: Creating non bullying communities

Creating Non-Bullying Communities

Using radical welcome to build strong community.

Page 2: Creating non bullying communities

What is Bullying?Bullying is when one person uses an

imbalance of power to hurt, humiliate or exclude another over a period of time.

Page 3: Creating non bullying communities

What is Bullying?Teasing is not bullying unless it is always the

same person being teased. Mutual teasing is an important part of social interaction.

Page 4: Creating non bullying communities

What is Bullying?Not being made a part of a group is not

bullying unless that exclusion is deliberate and wide spread.

Page 5: Creating non bullying communities

What is Bullying?Losing a fight is not being bullied, unless the

fights are frequent and the person always loses.

Page 6: Creating non bullying communities

The Costs of BullyingVictims of bullying feel isolated, their

learning is negatively affected and it may cause some social problems in the future. On the other hand most victims are able to get past the abuse and live productive lives.

Page 7: Creating non bullying communities

The Costs of BullyingThe bullies tend to continue their antisocial

behaviour and have a much greater risk of substance abuse, abusive relationships and criminal behaviour.

Page 8: Creating non bullying communities

The Costs of BullyingThe community is fractured by bullying. This

brokenness affects everyone’s ability to function fully.

Page 9: Creating non bullying communities

Causes of BullyingMany people still think that bullying is just a

part of childhood.

Page 10: Creating non bullying communities

Causes of BullyingBullies and victims both have lower social

skills and function differently in groups than their peers.

Page 11: Creating non bullying communities

Causes of BullyingBullies use their tactics to achieve a short

term goal. They are often incapable of conceptualizing long term consequences.

Page 12: Creating non bullying communities

Causes of BullyingBullies learn their tactics from inconsistent

and/or abusive parenting. They may also become bullies to stop being victims.

Page 13: Creating non bullying communities

Responses to BullyingMany anti-bullying programs simply shift the

focus of bullying from the victim to the bully. Any response which shames the bully or punishes the bully will be seen by the bully as unjust. It will cement the behaviour rather than eliminate it.

Page 14: Creating non bullying communities

Responses to BullyingRemoving the victim from the situation may

be penalizing the victim for being bullied. Removing the bully will mean that they don’t learn appropriate skills for social interaction.

Page 15: Creating non bullying communities

A Community SolutionThe issue of bullying is a community issue.

The solution is a community solution.

Page 16: Creating non bullying communities

A Community SolutionIf we are living radical welcome, we must

welcome the bully and the victim into a new way of relating, not just with each other, but with the community as a whole.

Page 17: Creating non bullying communities

A Community SolutionWhen a community is integrated and healthy,

everyone learns successful ways of fulfilling needs. When they have a problem fulfilling needs, the community responds to help.

Page 18: Creating non bullying communities

Three parts of Welcome DiversityWhen we make a conscious effort to name and

welcome diversity, difference becomes strength. Imagine playing a hockey game with only goalies on your team. We need all kinds of people, the more kinds we have the richer we are as a community. Very often we subtly suggest that difference is weakness. It is in how the staff at camp manage campers who don’t quite fit in. If they are always pushing them to be like the others, they are not modeling welcoming diversity. It is important to train staff to see many ways of participating.

Page 19: Creating non bullying communities

Three parts of Welcome Diversity

Page 20: Creating non bullying communities

Three parts of WelcomeRelationshipIn community relationship is at the core. At camp we

want to teach healthy relationships with each other and creation. The first lesson is how the staff relate to each other. The second is how the staff relate to the campers. This is where it is important to keep an eye on teasing. While teasing is an important tool for building relationships, it can’t be allowed to be one sided or focused on one individual. Having staff who don’t mind being teased and model healthy exchange is vitally important. The value of names is huge here. When the staff know their camper’s names, the campers feel part of the team.

Page 21: Creating non bullying communities

Three parts of WelcomeRelationship

Page 22: Creating non bullying communities

Three parts of WelcomeCourageCourage sounds like a difficult thing to teach, but

once people know that courage is a response to fear, not the absence of it, it becomes easier. The truth is that taking action in a community requires courage. Suggesting another way of doing things, taking the side of a victim, becoming a friend to a bully all take courage. It also takes courage for a community to acknowledge that bullying is not ‘their’ problem, but ‘our’ problem. Naming things gives us power over them, and naming bullying as a problem in the community will empower solutions.

Page 23: Creating non bullying communities

Three parts of WelcomeCourage

Page 24: Creating non bullying communities

Bullies and the BibleThere are lots of examples of bullies in scripture.

King Saul was a bully as were many of the Kings that followed, some of the interaction of the disciples suggests that they had bullies among them. The important thing to note is that violent response to bullying is not what the Bible teaches. What we see again and again through the stories is that the response to bullying was the restoration of relationship. Jesus didn’t throw the disciples out, he kept teaching them and showing them the radical welcome of the Dominion of God.

Page 25: Creating non bullying communities

Bullies and the Bible

Page 26: Creating non bullying communities

How do we respond?Bullying is going to happen. Campers come with

their learned behaviours. That means that some will want to fall into bullying behaviour and some will bring their issues that may lead to them being targets. Even if there are no easy targets, the bullying behaviour may still happen. If we respond by coming down on the bully and blaming/shaming them then they don’t learn about relationship. This is where the idea of restorative justice is helpful. How do we restore relationships that have been broken? It is a very different question than whose fault it is.

Page 27: Creating non bullying communities

Making it workThe key to creating non-bullying community

is the leadership. Not leadership in terms of telling the children how to behave or not behave, but leadership in terms of how the people in charge treat each other.

Page 28: Creating non bullying communities

Making it workA vital healthy leadership team will model

strong community and the children will follow.

Page 29: Creating non bullying communities

Making it workFind and encourage the natural leaders in the

children’s own social groupings. Everyone wants to be ‘cool’. If the cool kids refuse to bully, most of the others will.

Page 30: Creating non bullying communities

Questions

For more information see http://bit.ly/nonbullying