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Coping With Difficult Life-Stories
October 2014
Dr Ross WhiteSenior Lecturer
Mental Health and Well-beingUniversity of Glasgow
The Eight Primary Emotions
Plutchik (1980)
The Eight Primary Emotions
1) Ecstasy2) Admiration3) Terror4) Amazement5) Grief6) Loathing7) Rage8) Vigilance
The Eight Primary Emotions
1) Ecstasy*2) Admiration*3) Terror4) Amazement5) Grief6) Loathing7) Rage8) Vigilance
Coping with difficult life stories
• Remember a recent time when….
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it – Michel de Montaigne
The mind is not always a friend
For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life.
But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life - Alfred D'Souza
Being more flexible…
• ‘Psychological flexibility’ has been defined as the ability to contact the present moment more fully as a conscious human being and to either change behaviour, or persist, when doing so serves valued ends (Wilson & Murrell, 2005).
• Knowing what is important and taking steps to connect with this.
• Noticing the thoughts and feelings accompanying life stories without being trapped by them.
Sometimes struggling gets us nowhere
Letting go of the struggle might help
We can work really hard to be happier
But maybe it is about taking the time to notice what is happening now
The Present Moment:‘Be Here Now’
Defusion:‘Watch Your Thinking’
Acceptance:‘Open Up’
Values: ‘Clarify What Matters’
Committed Action:‘Do What Works’
Self as context:‘Know Yourself’
The ACT Model
Mindfulness
PsychologicalFlexibility
Be present, be openMind fully aware
The Fallibility of Memory
How good a historian about our own lives are we?
• Memory from the past.
(Exercise)
Thoughts and emotions that we experience might be very upsetting
But noticing that these are experiences and not facts can help
Book Exercise
Allowing difficult life stories to be
Seeing thoughts as…thoughts
We can see our thoughts for what they actually are:• Thoughts are merely sounds, words, stories, bits of
language, passing through our heads.• Thoughts may or may not be true. We do not
automatically believe them.• Thoughts are not orders. We do not have to obey them• No thought, no matter how unpleasant, should be a
threat to us• Thoughts may or may not be wise. We do not
automatically follow their advice.• We do not have to get caught up in reacting to them.
Playing with the language of life stories
• Using ‘I think’• ‘Computer screen’ exercise: Think of a painful
thought, and buy into it for a few seconds. Imagine you can see it on a computer screen. Change the font and colour of the words on the screen. Change the formatting of the words, space the words out, bunch them together, etc. Animate the words, like on Sesame Street. Finally imagine a ‘bouncing ball’ jumping form word to word, as in a karaoke ‘sing-along’.
Reading between the lines of our ‘difficult life’ stories
Values
I want to dedicate my life to…• Connecting with nature • Creating beauty (in any domain, including arts, dancing,
gardening) • Being loyal to friends, family and/or my group • Helping others • Gaining wisdom and a mature understanding of life • Promoting justice and caring for the weak • Being honest • Being sexually desirable • Having genuine and close friends
Seeing through the ‘coffee table of life’
Difficult life stories matter
Distress & Values
If we did not value something we would not get distressed about it. What values sit beneath our distress?
Coping with difficult life stories
A) Notice the distressing life stories and how they can make us feel.
‘I am a disappointment to other people and I feel sad.’
Coping with difficult life stories
B) Notice how attempts to avoid difficult life stories with certain might not be that helpful in the long-term.
‘I drink alcohol to forget about being a disappointment to other people. But this is bringing chaos to my life.’
Coping with difficult life stories
C) Find the valuable messages that our distress might be communicating to us about what is important in our lives.
‘Receiving the respect and admiration of other people is important to me.’
Coping with difficult life stories
D) Cope with distress and still engage in behaviours that are in keeping with what they regard as important in their lives.
‘Even though I feel anxious, I can choose to interact with other people in a way that invites respect and admiration from them’
Coping with difficult life stories
• Too often we can find ourselves wishing away the distress that we experience.
• But this means that we end up wishing our lives away.
• And making decisions that may not serve our best interests in the long-run.
Questions/Comments
References• Association for Contextual Behavioural Science: http://www.contextualscience.org
• Baer, R.A. (2003). Mindfulness Training as a Clinical Intervention: A Conceptual and Empirical Review. Clinical Psychology: Science & Practice, 10: 125–143.
• Ciarrochi, J.V. & Bailey, A. (2008). A CBT-Practitioner's Guide to ACT: How to Bridge the Gap Between Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Oakland, CA. New Harbinger Publications .
• Harris, R. (2009). ACT made simple: An easy to read primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New harbinger Press.
• Hayes, S. C. Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change. New York: Guilford Press.
• Twohig, M.P. (2012). Introduction: The basics of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Cognitive and Behavioural Practice, 19, 499-507
• http://contextualscience.org/david_gillanders_training_page
