Communicate with Anyone

OBJECTIVES TO.....

• understand what causes barriers to communication• know how to overcome those barriers• understand the keys to communication• know how create rapport quickly• understand how to work with others view of the world• understand how to influence others• be able to actively listen

Uses of effective communication

• Helps to understand a person or situation in a better way.

• Enables us to solve the differences, build trust and respect in the organistion.

• Helps us in decision making.• Sometimes our message is misunderstood• Sometimes we misunderstand the received message.• Helps us to resolve problems with both’s point of view.• Effective communication helps us to connect well with

everyone

Linear model of communication

Communication cycle

Exercise- What are the blockages to communication• From the senders perspective ?• From the receivers perspective ?

• And ideas to help ??

Barriers to communication - SPEAKER

• Forgets bits or waffles• Not clear• Jargon and abbreviations• Too fast/ too slow/too loud /too sof• Illogical order• Talks down or above peoples heads• Difficult to understand• Picks wrong time• Gets emotional• Allows interruptions • Prejudges.

Barriers to communication - LISTENER

• Not understanding• Judges speaker• Distracted • Busy thinking of a reply• Overloaded with information• Doesn’t want to ask questions• Allows interruptions• Day dreaming• Becomes emotional or aggressive• Doesn’t write things down• Not listening• Not interested

Body Language

Body Language… look for shifts

• Facial Expressions

• Gestures

• Posture

• Body position

• Use of space

Body Language… look for

• Context…..history, physical environment ?• Clusters….look and listen to the whole person.• Congruence…..is there a discrepancy with

words and non verbal message ?

Rapport

• Is being able to relate to others in a way that creates a climate of trust and understanding

• What signals do we look for in others when we communicate with them?

The 15 Biggest Body LanguageBlunders

Remember: Our brain relies on snap judgements to categorize another person and predict whether they are trustworthy, threatening, competent, likeable, etc.

Here are the top 15

body language blunders you can

avoid:

Leaning Back too much — you come off lazy or arrogant

No: 1

Leaning forward — can seem aggressive. Aim for a neutral posture

No: 2

Breaking eye contact too soon — can make you seem untrustworthy or overly nervous. Hold eye contact a hair longer, especially during a handshake

No: 3

Nodding too much — can make you look like a bobble head doll! Even if you agree with what’s being said, nod once and then try to remain still

No: 4

Chopping or pointing with your hands — feels aggressive

No: 5

Crossing your arms — makes you look defensive, especially when you’re answering questions.  Try to keep your arms at your sides

No: 6

Fidgeting — instantly telegraphs how nervous you are. Avoid it at all costs

No: 7

Holding your hands behind your back (or firmly in your pockets) — can look rigid and stiff. Aim for a natural, hands at your sides posture

No: 8

Looking up or looking around — is a natural cue that someone is lying or not being themselves. Try to hold steady eye contact

No: 9

Staring — can be interpreted as aggressive.  There’s a fine line between holding someone’s gaze and staring them down

No: 10

Failing to smile — can make people uncomfortable, and wonder if you really want to be there.  Go for a genuine smile especially when meeting someone for the first time

No: 11

Stepping back when you’re asking for a decision — conveys fear or uncertainty. Stand your ground, or even take a slight step forward with conviction

No: 12

Steepling your fingers or holding palms up — looks like a begging position and conveys weakness

No: 13

Standing with hands on hips — is an aggressive posture, like a bird or a dog puffing themselves up to look bigger

No: 14

Checking your phone or watch — says you want to be somewhere else. Plus, it’s just bad manners

No: 15

So, what should you do? Aim for good posture in a neutral position, whether sitting or standing.

Stand with your arms at your sides, and sit with them at your sides or with your hands in your lap. Pay attention so that you naturally hold eye contact, smile, and be yourself.

If you discover you have a particular problem with one or two of the gestures on the list, practice by yourself with a mirror or with a friend who can remind you every time you do it, until you become aware of the bad habit yourself.

How we use language ?

• Big picture v small picture ?• Visually – what you see• By sounds – what you hear• By feelings – what you sense and can feel,

taste or smell.• By how you talk to yourself • Language is subjective !!

Representational system quiz

Visual thinkers• Talk quickly• See memories as pictures• Breathe from top of lungs• Need minimum detail• Get bored quickly• Interested in how things ‘look’• Think in bigger picture• Like to be ‘shown things’• Will change subject • Use words like

Auditory thinkers• Easily distracted by noise• Love the phone and music• Breathe from middle of chest• May talk to themselves.• May repeat what you have said to them• Tone of voice is very important• Like steps and procedures• Love to be told how they are doing• Love stories • Use words like……….

KINAESTHETIC- FEELINGS THINKERS• Includes taste and smells• Want to know how things feel• May talk slowly• Breathe lower• Respond to physical rewards• Memorise by doing something or walking it

through.• Speak deliberately• Will want the details• Think things through

Analytical thinker• Spend time processing internally• May talk to themselves out loud• Will look for things to make sense• Logical and process driven• May want extensive details• May talk in long sentences• Memorise by steps• Often uses the language of logic and business

Exercise…

• Consider who you communicate with• Is it informal or formal ?• Is it a stakeholder ?.. Someone who is affected

by the things you do • How do you communicate ?• Is that the only and best way?• What could be the advantages or

disadvantages of how you do so .

Communication Activity

How good a listener are you?

Listening is needed everywhere…

Listening skills form the basis of:• Continued learning• Teamwork skills• Management skills• Negotiation skills• Emotional intelligence• Social relationships• Emotional relationships• Etc…..

… But not practiced effectively

A lot of communication is• Misunderstood• Misinterpreted• Rejected• Distorted• Not heard

Consider the meaning of your message is the response that you get !

Listening Skills

Difference between Listening and Hearing• Hearing is a natural ability to detect sounds• Listening is a skill, which is developed to

understand, interpret the message accurately.• You can only listen – not do anything else at the

same time

Listening Skills

Listening ability varies according to• Interest in the topic• Importance of the information• Length of the message• Complexity of the message• The delivery of the message• Personal problems- internal distractons • External distractions

Listening SkillsSteps involved in Effective Listening:• Hearing• Focusing on the message• Comprehending and interpreting• Analysing and evaluating• Responding• Remembering

Listening Skills1.Concentration

• Motivation and Demotivation to listen• Anticipate what the speaker will say next – suspend

judgement • Focus on the message• Avoid interruption, let the speaker finish first.

2.QuestioningUse of questioning is an effective listening strategy. It serves

two purposes:• Message gets clarified• Speaker gets a positive feedback that a listener is involved.

Listening Skills3. Objectivity

• Minimize the impact of emotion-laden words• Judge content, not delivery• React fairly and sensibly• Overcome distraction; internal as well as external 4. Note Taking

• The usefulness of note taking depends on the situation.5. Feedback

Feedback is important in the listening process to that a speaker knows that his/her message is understood.

Good vs Bad Listeners- Attending Good Listeners

• Attend to important information

• Ready themselves mentally and physically

• Listen objectively regardless of emotional involvement

• Listen differently depending o situations

Bad Listeners• May not hear what a

person is saying• Fidget in chairs, look out

the windows, and let their minds wander

• Visibly react to emotional language

• Listen the same way regardless of the type of material

Good vs Bad Listeners… Understanding Good Listeners• Assigned appropriate meaning

to what is said• Seek out apparent purpose,

main points and supporting information

• Ask mental questions to anticipate information

• Silently paraphrase to solidify understanding

• Seek out subtle meanings based on non-verbal cues

Bad Listeners• Hear what is said but are unable

to understand or assign different meaning to the type of words

• Ignore the way information is organized

• Fail to anticipate coming information

• Seldom or never mentally review the information

• Ignore verbal cues

Good vs Bad ListenersGood ListenersRemembering• Retain information• Repeat key information• Take notesEvaluating• Listen critically• Evaluate inferencesResponding empathically• Provide supportive comforting

statements

Bad Listeners• Interpret message accurately but

forget it• Assume they will remember• Rely on memory alone• Understand but unable to weigh

or consider it• Accept information at face value• Pass of joy or hurt, change the

subject

Types of listening Active Listening is when you are concentrating on the

message being given by the other person Passive Listening is when you find yourself waiting for

the other person to stop speaking so that you can say something yourself

Active listening

Questioning techniques…perils and pitfalls ….• Open-ended questions• Closed questions• Reflective questions• Leading questions• Hypothetical questions• Multiple questions

Open questions ….tell me about …explain more about …

The 7c’s of great communication

Completeness

• All information should be there.• The sender must take into consideration the receiver’s

mind set• Enhances the reputation of the organization or the

individual• Always gives additional information wherever required• Leaves no question in the minds of the receiver.• Helps in better decision making as it serves all the

desired and crucial information.• Is persuasive.

Conciseness

• What you want to convey in a simple a way as possible.

• Concise communication provides short and essential message in limited words.

• Concise message is more appealing and comprehensive to the audience.

• Concise messages are non repetitive in nature.

Consideration• Take audience into consideration by knowing the viewpoints,

back ground, mindset, educational level, etc.

• Consideration implies ‘stepping into the shoes of others’.

• Consideration ensures that the self respect of the audience is maintained and their emotions are not harmed.

• Consider the needs and requirements of the audience to achieve effective communication.

Clarity • Emphasising on a specific goal or objective at a time- stay o

track

• Helps to understand the message easily.

• Complete clarity of thoughts and ideas enhances the meaning of message.

• Use of exact, appropriate and concrete words.

Concreteness• Be particular and clear rather being fuzzy and general.

• Concrete communication shows good level of confidence.

• Concrete information helps to strengthen the reputation of the organisation.

• Concrete information cannot be misinterpreted.

Courtesy• Be polite, kind, judicious, enthusiastic and convincing.

• Courtesy is an important element of effective communication.

• Courtesy reflects the nature and character of the sender of the message.

• It is the same as give respect and then expect the same.

Correctness• Implies that the correct information is conveyed through

message.

• Boosts up the confidence level of the sender.

• Correct information has greater impact on the audience.

• Free from grammatical errors and use of appropriate and correct language.

• Correct information includes the precision and accurateness of facts and figures used in the message.

Other communication challenges

• Cognitive• Learning disabilities• Physical impairments• Language barriers• Cultural nuances

……. Begin to think about how you solve them ?

PARENT

PARENT

CHILD CHILD

ADULT ADULT

Limiting Beliefse.g. playing golf

Limiting belief“I never win”

I don’t practise much“What’s the point”

I imagine losing“They’ll play better than me”

“I lose motivation”I focus on my bad shots “I always do that”(more self-limitingbeliefs creep in)

“I play worse”

“I lose”

“I was right”

“I play half heartedly”

Enabling BeliefsEnabling belief“I have the potentialto win”

I practise as much as Possible (to turn my Potential into ability)

I imagine winning“I’m as good as they are”

“I gain motivation And confidence”

“I play to win”

I focus on my good shots“Another Birdie”(more enabling beliefssurface)

“I play better”

“I win”

“I was right”

Positive communication is about:

• Being honest with yourself and others• Planning your message for best impact• Being able to say what you want, need, feel,

but not at others’ expense• Being positive, self-confident and

understanding others’ viewpoints• Being able to behave in an adult, rational way