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Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Co-DependencyDr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC-MHSP, LMHC, NCC
Executive Director, AllCEUs.com
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Objectives Define codependency Identify characteristics of the codependent
relationship Explore the motivations for these behaviors Hypothesize alternate, healthier behaviors
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Why I Care/How It Impacts Recovery Co-dependency can serve as an alternate
addiction or distraction Co-Dependents may use relationships to try
to deal with depression or anxiety Ultimately codependency is self-defeating
because one of the few things that cannot be controlled is the will of another person.
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Definition Codependency describes a type of
relationship in which One partner defines his or her worth or goodness
based on someone else The codependent person often chooses
relationships in which the other person needs to be rescued, thereby making himself or herself indispensable.
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
The Mantras “I don’t understand why she refuses to
change. I have done everything for her.”
“Helping someone who doesn’t want help is an exercise in futility, but what are you supposed to do if you don’t help?”
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Co-Dependency as an Addiction Tolerance
Need more of the same substance/activity In a codependent relationship, as time passes, the
codependent’s identity becomes increasingly defined by the relationship with the other person
Withdrawal Not getting the substance, being around the
person results in physical or psychological withdrawals
When apart from or unable to control the other person, the codependent experiences extreme anxiety and/or depression
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Co-Dependency as an Addiction Spending more time thinking about,
engaging in or recovering from the behavior Co-dependents are always hypervigilant to other
peoples behavior, and obsessing about what they are or are not doing
Co-dependents spend large amounts of time rescuing or covering up for the other person “fixing it”
The codependent gets exhausted taking care of the other person, but cannot stop because they rely on the other person to tell them
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Co-Dependency as an Addiction Foregoing other interests in order to
maintain the addiction The relationship is the “drug” of choice in the
codependents’ lives Having that person in their life makes them feel
“okay” or “whole” The relationship takes the place of self-love
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Co-Dependency as an Addiction Continuing the addiction/relationship despite
negative consequences Emotional (depression, anxiety, anger,
resentment) Social (Loss of other friends) Physical (stress-related physical issues) Occupational (poor job performance)
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Addicts and Codependents Low self esteem Depression, anxiety Need to control Fear of abandonment Relationship comforts/numbs Relationship becomes the addict’s primary focus Minimizing, denying, blaming to protect the
relationship Stinkin’ Thinkin’
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling. Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others. Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or
isolation. Experience significant aggression/resentment and
negativity
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Addicts and Codependents
Have difficulty making decisions. Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good
enough. Value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and
behavior over their own. Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than. Have difficulty admitting a mistake. Need to appear to be right, and may even lie to look good. Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want. Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Addicts and Codependents
Believe people are incapable of self-care Try to convince others what to think or feel. Offer unsolicited advice and direction Become resentful when their help is rejected Lavish gifts, favors or sexual attention on those they
want to influence. Demand that their needs be met by others.
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Additionally…Codependents
Use blame and shame to control. Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness,
authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes. Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the
behavior of others. Pretend to agree with others to get what they want.
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Additionally…Codependents
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Interventions Identify the benefits and drawbacks to the
relationship AND the benefits and drawbacks to being single
Remember that codependency, like other addictions is used to escape, distract or avoid pain.
Begin self-esteem work (There are a myriad of books and worksheets available) Until the person can provide self-validation, all
relationships can potentially become codependent
Apply It Identify 3 ways you could have used this information
in the past week. What was the situation? What did you do? How effective was that for you?
Short termLong Term
If you would have had this new information, what could you have done differently?
How would that have changed the outcome? How can you start integrating this knowledge into your
routineRecovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Summary Codependents generally get in relationships with
addicts or others who need to be “rescued.” This need to rescue (be indispensable) often stems
from: Not feeling good enough (low self-esteem, need for external
validation) Fear of abandonment
Codependents do not feel worthy or lovable. They need someone else to validate them
The codependent derives his or her “goodness” from the success or failure of the other person in the relationship.
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum
Summary Recovery involves
Developing a sense of self-worth Addressing the issues that are causing depression and
anxietyGrief over prior lost relationshipsHelplessness to change another personFears of rejection, isolation, failure, loss of control and the
unknown Learning about and creating a network of healthy
relationships with self and othersSetting healthy boundariesLearning to accept multiple perspectives
Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum