EWRT 1A Class 7

AGENDA

Writing Workshop: Revision strategiesPresentation: MLA Format Editing Strategies: wordiness, compound

sentences, dangling modifiers

In-Class Writing: Writing Workshop Editing

Writing Workshop: Revision strategies

Choose a partner

Read both essays aloud before you start to write about or discuss the essays.

On separate sheets of paper, answer all of the questions from the handout for your partner’s essay.

When you finish, return your comments to the writer.

When you get your essay back, read the comments and determine how you might remedy any issues.

MLA Formatting Style:

Setting up your paper

MLA format: on our website under “MLA Guidelines.”

MLA (Modern Language Association) style is most commonly used to write papers and cite sources within the liberal arts and humanities.

MLA style specifies guidelines for formatting manuscripts and using the English language in writing. MLA style also provides writers with a system for referencing their sources through parenthetical citation in their essays and Works Cited pages.

Writers who properly use MLA also build their credibility by demonstrating accountability to their source material. Most importantly, the use of MLA style can protect writers from accusations of plagiarism, which is the purposeful or accidental uncredited use of source material by other writers.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/01/

Paper Format

Margins and Formatting

Double Click in Header Area

Type your last name

Justify right

Go to “insert” and click on “page number

Header: Last Name 1

1” all around

Go to “Layout” and adjust margins or use custom settings

Times New Roman 12

Indent body paragraphs ½ inch from the margin

Heading: Double Spaced

Your Name

Dr. Kim Palmore

EWRT 1A

3 May 2012

Title

Original Title (not the title of the essay we read)

No italics, bold, underline, or quotation marks

Centered on the page

No extra spaces (just double spaced after your heading and before the body of your text.

Making A Works Cited Page MLA Style

Ensure that you have a properly formatted works cited page

Integrating QuotationsMLA Style

make sure you have integrated your quotations correctly

According to the St. Martin's Guide, there are three main ways to set up a signaling phrase:

1. With a complete sentence followed by a colon. The effects of Auld's prohibition against teaching Douglass to

read were quite profound for Douglass: "It was a new and special revelation" (29).

2. With an incomplete sentence, followed by a comma. Douglass argues that Auld's prohibition against literacy for him

was a profound experience, saying, "It was a new and special revelation" (29).

3. With a statement that ends in that. The importance of Auld's prohibition to Douglass is clear when

he states that "It was a new and special revelation" (29).

Using Signal Phrases:

One common error a lot of people make when they include a quotation is that they tend to put the quotation in a sentence by itself. Unfortunately, we cannot do this. We need to use what Diana Hacker calls a signal phrase to introduce the quote and give our readers a context for the quote that explains why we are taking the time to include it in our paper.

Take, for example, this section from a paper on Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave, Written by

Himself:

Incorrect: We can see Douglass’s marriage as an assertion of his ownership of himself. “What Douglass's certificate of marriage, which is transcribed in full in chapter 11, signifies is that the black man has repossessed himself” (Baker 170).

Correct: We can see Douglass’s marriage as an assertion of his ownership of himself, as Houston A. Baker, Jr. argues in his essay “The Economic of Douglass's Narrative”: "What Douglass’s certificate of marriage, which is transcribed in full in chapter 11, signifies is that the black man has repossessed himself" (170).

You can, however, build your own signal phrases by mixing these three basic styles with verbs that describe your source's attitude towards the subject of the quote. Here is a list of such

verbs you can use:

admits agrees argues asserts believes claims  confirms 

contends declares deniesemphasizes insists notes observes points out 

reasons refutes rejects reportsresponds replies suggests thinks writes 

Sentence level Writing Errors

Please use your clean copy to address the following issues.

Wordiness

Many people write wordy papers because they are trying to make their ideas sound important by using long words and intricate sentences. They think that their writing must be complicated to seem professional. Although these writers are trying to impress their readers, they often end up confusing them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to understand. Your ideas are much more impressive when your reader does not have to fight to understand you.

Wordiness: using more words than necessary to express thought.

Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one. This leads to unnecessarily complex

sentences and genuine redundancy as the following examples show:

Redundant The printer is located

adjacent to the computer

The printer is located in the immediate vicinity of the computer

The user can visibly see the image moving

He wore a shirt that was blue in color

The input is suitably processed

Not Redundant The printer is adjacent to

the computer

The printer is near the computer

The user can see the image moving

He wore a blue shirt.

The input is processed

Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few words as possible without changing the meaning!

The available receptacle, in any case, was of insufficient size to contain the total quantity of unnecessary waste.

How to reduce wordiness!

1. Reduce Long Clauses

When editing, try to reduce long clauses to shorter phrases:

Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding a tricycle.

2. Reduce Phrases

Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single words:

Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried to sweep up the spotlight.

Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the spotlight.

Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies

3. Avoid Empty Openers

Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence:

Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.

Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.

Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.

Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.

4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers

Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence.

Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very tired.

Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was exhausted

Wordy: She was also really hungry.

Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].

Eliminating Wordiness

5. Avoid Redundancies

Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use more words than necessary to make a point) with precise words. Remember: needless words are those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So cut them out!

Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.

Revised: Now we should edit our work.

Try these! 1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family.

2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days.

3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to know one.

4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.

5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.

Possible Answers1. He dropped out of school to support his family.

2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during the next few days.

3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in many ways.

4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate lie.

5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.

Find a Wordy Sentence

Check your essay for wordiness. Look for a sentence that falls into one of the categories we just discussed. Edit it for clarity and conciseness.

Punctuation

Compound Sentence

A compound sentence is made up of two or more simple sentences joined by one of the following:

A comma and a coordinating conjunction

I like to study grammar, and I love this class.

A semicolon

I like to study grammar; I love this class.

A semicolon and an adverbial conjunction

I like to study grammar; therefore, I love this class.

Coordinating Conjunctions

Coordinating Conjunctions are used to join together two independent clauses.

For

And

Nor

But

Or

Yet

So

COMPOUND SENTENCE:adverbial conjunctions

MOREOVER

HOWEVER

NEVERTHELESS

OTHERWISE

THEREFORE

COMPOUND SENTENCE:CONJUNCTIVE ADVERBS

I don’t think you understand punctuation; therefore, we need to review.

.

I taught you how to write with adverbial conjunctions last week; however, most of you

did not do it correctly in your essays.

Clause 1 Clause 2

Independent Independent

Look for Run-On Sentences

Look for compound sentences in your essay. Make sure you are using both a comma and a conjunction. Example: , and

Look for adverbial conjunctions; make sure you have punctuated those sentences correctly. Example ; however,

Common Writing Errors

Dangling modifiers

Dangling ModifiersA dangling modifier is a word or phrase that modifies a word not clearly stated in the sentence. A modifier describes, clarifies, or gives more detail about a concept.

Having finished the assignment, Jill turned on the TV.

"Having finished" states an action but does not name the doer of that action. In English sentences, the doer must be the subject of the main clause that follows. In this sentence, it is Jill. She seems logically to be the one doing the action ("having finished"), and this sentence therefore does not have a dangling modifier.

The following sentence has an incorrect usage:

Having finished the assignment, the TV was turned on.

"Having finished" is a participle expressing action, but the doer is not the TV set (the subject of the main clause): TV sets don't finish assignments. Since the doer of the action expressed in the participle has not been clearly stated, the participial phrase is said to be a dangling modifier.

Strategies for revising dangling modifiers:

1. Name the appropriate or logical doer of the action as the subject of the main clause:

Having arrived late for practice, a written excuse was needed.

Who arrived late? This sentence says that the written excuse arrived late. To revise, decide who actually arrived late. The possible revision might look like this:

Having arrived late for practice, the team captain needed a written excuse.

2. Change the phrase that dangles into a complete introductory clause by naming the doer of the action in that clause:

Without knowing his name, it was difficult to introduce him.

Who didn't know his name? This sentence says that "it" didn't know his name. To revise, decide who was trying to introduce him. The revision might look something like this:

Because Maria did not know his name, it was difficult to introduce him.

The phrase is now a complete introductory clause; it does not modify any other part of the sentence, so is not considered "dangling."

3. Combine the phrase and main clause into one:

To improve his results, the experiment was done again.

Who wanted to improve results? This sentence says that the experiment was trying to improve its own results. To revise, combine the phrase and the main clause into one sentence. The revision might look something like this:

He improved his results by doing the experiment again.

1. After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing.

2. Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home should be a place to relax.

3. The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab manual carefully.

Are these correct?

Incorrect: After reading the original study, the article remains unconvincing.

Revised: After reading the original study, I find the article unconvincing.

Incorrect: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, your home should be a place to relax.

Revised: Relieved of your responsibilities at your job, you should be able to relax at home.

Incorrect: The experiment was a failure, not having studied the lab manual carefully.

Revised: They failed the experiment, not having studied the lab manual carefully.

Look for Dangling Modifiers

Check your introductory clauses to make sure that the doer is the subject of the main clause that follows it.

Writing Tips

Write about literature in present tense

Write about your experience in past tense

Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and “anything.”

Avoid writing in second person. (Don’t use “you” unless it is in dialogue.

Surface Revision Strategies

Read Aloud

Reading the paper aloud slowly can often bring to attention large and small mistakes missed in the writing and typing process. Read each sentence and ask does it make sense? Is it awkward? Am I including words that are not actually written on the paper? Sometimes reading the paper out of order can help isolate problems. Try reading the paragraphs starting with the last sentence and then reading the previous sentence and so on; this can reveal problems in the sentences.

Isolate Specific Problems

Isolating specific problems can help give objectivity to one's personal work. One way to isolate specific issues is to circle them on a paper draft and look at them one by one. For example: circle all commas and then go back and look at each comma asking if it is in the appropriate place with the correct usage. Another example would be to circle all verbs and then go back one by one and identify the tense and verify subject verb agreement.

 

HOMEWORK

Read: HG through chapter 16; SMG 134- 148

Write: Edit Essay #2

Study: Vocabulary (1-16)

Bring: Final draft of Essay #2; SMG

HOMEWORK Read: HG through chapter 15

SMG 134- 148

Write: Using the comments you received from your readers, revise your draft. Consider carefully what each person had to say. Improve your essay! Edit Essay #2

Post #7: Post two versions a section of your essay that vividly describes a place AND two versions of a section that vividly describes a person. (One draft version and one revised version of each)

Vocabulary 1-9 Exam (5-9) Next class