BECOMING AN “ULTIMATE GRAND

SUPREME” ADVISORChris Connelly, M.Ed.

The University of Texas at AustinCNS First-Year Advising Center

Purpose of this workshop

Entertain you Inform you Help you make new connections

Background

What is Toddlers & Tiaras? What is “Ultimate Grand Supreme?”

Highest honor

Relating T & T to our work

GlitzMusic/dancingRespect the cultureTemper tantrumsCryingHyper-ParentingSocial comparisonBeing judged/criticizedEncouragementEverybody’s a winner

What is glitz?

Glamour pageantsOpposite of natural pageantsMake-upFake eyelashes/hair/

teeth (flippers)Fancy dresses

(rhinestones)Spray tans

Adding glitz to our work Personal

AppearanceOffice decorations/lighting

○ Sit in student’s seatMaterials/resources you use

○ Handouts/websites○ Social media

Your college centerReading materials/snacksThemesReception staff – uniform, theme

Music/dancing Role in T & T Benefits of music:

“Music has the power to energize, soothe, change emotional outlook, boost immunity, reduce pain, speed recovery, lower blood pressure, improve focus and IQ as well as aid weight loss.” (Ambroziak, 2003)

Benefits of dance:Confidence, self-esteem, creative expression,

imagination, intellectual stimulation, fitness, coordination. (Dascomb, 2011)

Music/dance in your office

Playing softly in backgroundiTunes, Pandora, headphonesWatching music videos (during lunch of

course)Dance by yourself (shades down/in

bathroom) or with coworkers (with their permission)

Use it to pump self up before tough student, meeting, presentation, evaluation, etc.

Organize flash mob

Respect the culture

In T & T One wouldn’t dress in glitz for natural

pageant or wear a swimsuit for crowning. In our work with students

Cultural sensitivity:

“… capacity to appropriately respond to the attitudes, feelings, circumstances of clients

and others of a different ethnic, racial, religious, or cultural heritage.” (Sperry, 2010)

Respect the culture Advising:

Work from the student’s belief systemDon’t assume that culture is a factor for the student

(it may not be)Don’t act like you know everything about that culture

(student is the expert)Students from same culture may not have the same

beliefs (Sperry, 2010)

Examples: female advisor/second opinion, not expressing problems or seeking help, medication, strong attachment to family (obligations may be more important than school), has to choose specific major

Temper tantrums Common in T & T In our work with students “Events do not make a person angry, but the

interpretation of these provoke anger” (Bhave & Saini, 2009)

Getting through a temper tantrum:Be sensitive and patientListen to student’s concerns; let student voice

him/herselfSet appropriate limitsMay need “time out” (Cohen, 2011)

Anger management techniques

Admit anger (pay attention to body language/facial expressions)

Analyze/identify source of angerAddress the emotions behind the angerIs anger justified or reasonable? (Bhave & Saini,

2009)

Apply this info when students/coworkers anger you.

Crying Happens often in T & T Your reactions to crying? Obviously, people treat it differently

GusherSuppressorCultural differencesSocial media instead of face-to-face

Benefits of emotional sharing (not only crying):Recognition and validation of sufferingDevelopment of pro-social behaviors (i.e. social

support) (Schwarzer & Frensch, 2010)

My student is crying … what do I do?

Don’t be afraid to acknowledge it (ex: “Your eyes got watery when I asked about your family.”)

Not necessarily a bad thingLet the student cry if time permits (have tissues

available)Tell them it’s okay to cry (many will apologize)LISTEN (don’t try to “fix” it)Empathize (“I would be sad, too”)Outlets/relief (campus resources & personal

outlets)Do your best - being genuine goes a long way.

Hyper-Parenting Who/what are they?

Pageant parentsHelicopter parentsBlackhawk parents – aggressive attack units that will

do whatever it takes to ensure a favorable position for their child.

Lawnmower parents – smooth down and mow over obstacles in child’s path

Curling parents (Scandinavia) – sweeping away everything that gets in the way of their child

Others: the Bodyguard, the Consumer Advocate, the White Knight, the Rescuer, the Banker, the Agent, the Safety Expert. (Positive-Parenting-Ally.com)

Why are some parents overinvolved?

Millennial generation - born after 1982Most child-centric time in our history"They have been the most protected and

programmed children ever -- car seats and safety helmets, play groups and soccer leagues, cellphones and e-mail. The parents of this generation are used to close and constant contact with their children and vice versa.”

(Strauss, 2006)

Child is a reflection of the parents’ abilities/worthiness (Education.com)

Competition among parents

If overprotective parents abruptly “sever the umbilical cord” …

Students may feel lost and not know how to proceed, including not knowing how to make life choices

May be thrilled with newfound freedom and act out

Letting go gradually may be best(Positive-Parenting-Ally.com)

Putting parents in perspective

Keep in mind: College advisors have it easy Most are well intentioned What if it was your kid? Big investment They know their children better than we do

Ways to help “turn off the lawnmower”: FERPA Advisor-parent-student meeting Summer orientation (skits, scenarios, expectations) Parental policy/guidelines/tips Address their concerns/fears Encourage student through actions/your example/role plays

(Strauss, 2006)

Social comparison Obvious in T&T

Winners Various categories (beauty, talent, swimsuit, smile, etc.)

How does it relate to college students? Class average Friends’ performance Family/siblings Choosing:

○ Classes/number of hours○ Instructors○ Majors/careers○ Extracurriculars

How does it relate to us? Promotions Job titles Work responsibilities Office dynamics Family/friends

(Elliot, 2005)

Taking a Strength-Based Approach

a.k.a. Solution-Focused Approach:“… explores current resources and future hopes

rather than present problems and past causes …” (Iveson, 2002)

“It's not about what's missing and causes woe, but what's present and can lead to happiness” (PsychPage.com)

In what areas/ways does the student (or you) excel?

Don’t want to ignore problems, but shift focus to self and what is being done to lead person to goal

Campus/peer resources

Being judged/criticized

Obvious in T&T – they know what they’re getting into.

Not as obvious in collegeDo students know what they’re getting into?Do we?

Judging students

In what ways are students judged? Who judges them?Competition from other studentsInstructor’s (perceived) opinion of themAdvisor’s (perceived) opinion of them Familial/cultural pressures

Judging advisors

In what ways are advisors judged? Who judges them?Co-workers’ opinionsSupervisor’s opinionStudents’ opinions/feedback

○ Spring 08: “It would have been better to have more accurate suggestions other than ‘up to you.’”

○ Fall 09: “Just pointed to websites I had already seen, awkward to talk to. Not very polite, needs work on communication skills.”

Judged before school begins

Dealing with criticism

“When we are praised and appreciated, we feel good about it. By the same token, it is not unusual for us to feel a bit upset, annoyed, irritated, hurt or angry for being criticized, rightly or wrongly. These feelings are both normal and appropriate.” (Lam, 2008)

Dealing with criticism Things to keep in mind:

Criticism is a fact of life and is unavoidable.Criticism is not an indication of one’s self worth.The benefits of being criticized far outweigh the costs in

terms of personal and professional development and growth.

Refusing to accept it as a fact of life is a case of wasting emotional energy and can damage emotional and mental health.

We criticize other people; there is no logical reason why they can’t criticize us. (Lam, 2008)

Ways to help students … and yourself

Look at situation from the judge’s point of view (any basis for criticism?)

Compare criticism to other things to gain sense of perspective

Address the feelings that result from the criticism

Remember - We can’t please everyone

(Lam, 2008)

Encouragement

T&T – parents behind judges Why is encouragement important?

Social support (don’t feel as alone)Gives us strengthMakes us feel valuedWhere would you be today if you hadn’t

been encouraged at some point in your life?

Ways to encourage our students

Touch (w/caution)Look/smile Positive words (examples help)Follow upLet them be themselves

Everybody’s a winner T & T - trophies, sashes, tiaras (various categories)

Make each of your students feel like a winner: Greet them personally w/a smile Don’t keep them waiting (or explain yourself if you do) LISTEN! (Stop talking, don’t interrupt) Don’t rush Eye contact (turn away from computer) Open posture Follow up when appropriate (email, phone call) Advising notes (personal references) Prizes (first 10 ppl to respond to FB post; 100 th student to

our office today, etc.)

Why are your interactions with students important?

“Most (college students) begin with a combination of enthusiasm, uncertainty, and a paradoxical desire to be unique and to fit in. Without strong coping skills to face these internal and external pressures, today's college students are walking combustibles, and the competitive college environment is often the igniting match.”

(Kadison & DiGeronimo, 2004)

Conclusion

Apply the info given today and you’ll be on your way to becoming an “Ultimate Grand Supreme” Advisor!

Questions/comments? Thank you for your attention and

participation!

Works Cited Ambroziak, P. (2003, September/ October). Tune in the Use of Music to Improve

Health and Performance. American Fitness, 21(5), 29-31. Are You an Overly Involved Parent? [Interview with Dr. Alexandra Barzvi, Clinical

Director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Institute at the NYU Child Study Center]. (n.d.). Retrieved February 3, 2012, from Education.com website: http://www.education.com/ reference/ article/ Ref_You_Overly_Involved/

Bhave, S. Y., & Saini, S. (2009). Anger Management (p. 112). Birgitte. (n.d.). Helicopter Parents and Overprotective Parents: The Truth and

Sharp Essence of the Modern Phenomenon of Overparenting [Positive-Parenting-Ally.com]. Retrieved December 16, 2011, from http:// www.positive-parenting-ally.com/ helicopter-parents.html

Cohen, L. J. (2011). The Handy Psychology Answer Book. Retrieved from http://www.lib.utexas.edu/

Dascomb, A., RDE. (n.d.). The Benefits of Dance [Informational chart]. Retrieved December 16, 2011, from http://www.nrde.org/ benefitsofdance.html

Iveson, C. (2002). Solution-focused brief therapy. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 8, 149-156. Retrieved from http://apt.rcpsych.org/ content/ 8/ 2/ 149.full

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Works Cited Kadison, R., & DiGeronimo, T. F. (2004). College of the Overwhelmed: The

Campus Mental Health Crisis and What to Do About It (p. 36). Lam, D. C. (2008). Cognitive Behaviour Therapy: A Practical Guide to Helping

People Take Control. Schrock, K. (2009, July/ August). Why Music Moves Us. Scientific American Mind,

20(4), 32-37. Schwarzer, R., & Frensch, P. A. (2010). Personality, Human Development, and

Culture (Vol. 2). Shoenaker, T. (2011). Introduction. In R. J. Huber, J. Street, & S. Lose (Trans.),

Encouragement Makes Good Things Happen. Solution Focused Therapy. (n.d.). Retrieved December 13, 2011, from http://

www.psychpage.com/ family/ library/ sft.htm Sperry, L. (2010). Core Competencies in Counseling and Psychotherapy:

Becoming a Highly Competent and Effective Therapist (p. 197). Strauss, V. (2006, March 21). Putting Parents In Their Place: Outside Class.

Washington Post, p. A8. Retrieved from http://www.washingtonpost.com/ wp-dyn/ content/ article/ 2006/ 03/ 20/ AR2006032001167.html

Wheeler, L., & Suls, J. (2005). Chapter 30: Social Comparision and Self-Evaluations of Competence. In A. J. Elliot & C. S. Dweck (Eds.), Hanbook of Competence and Motivation (p. 566). Retrieved from http:// www.lib.utexas.edu/