To get us started

Please answer these three questions 1. Please write down three reasons why

personal statements can help you get admitted to college and to receive huge amounts of free money.

2. Please tell me why admissions officers may get sooooooooooooo bored reading many personal statements?

3. Please list two to three of your top activities or accomplishments so far in high school or out of school?

“Telling Your Story: Writing Powerful College Essays: Ten

Tips”

Rebecca Joseph, PhD

rjoseph@calstatela.edufacebook: getmetocollege freeadvice

Iphone/Google App: All College ApplicationEssays

How Important Are Essays?

What do American colleges look for?1. Grades2. Rigor of Coursework, School3. Test Scores4. Essays*5. Recommendations-Teacher and/or Counselor6. Activities-Consistency, development,

leadership, and initiative7. Special skills, culture, connections, talents,

and passions

How Much Do College Admissions Essays Matter?

“How Much Do College Admissions Essays Matter”, July 16, 2008, USA Today.

"It's not a substitute for a rigorous curriculum, good grades and evidence that you're going to do well," Barmak Nassirian, associate executive director of the American Association of Collegiate Registrars and Admissions Officers said.

Still, the essay can make a difference.

The 10% rule: "If you have 18- or 20,000 applicants, for some of those students, the essay makes a huge difference, both positively and negatively," says admissions dean at the University of Virginia, where admissions counselors read every essay looking for the student's voice.

Even the University of Texas which receives more than 250,000 applications per year reads two essays per students as well as an optional resume.

The first challenge for the writer: picking a topic. Any topic can work — or fail. "It shouldn't be an essay about community service. It should be about a

moment of time," a college admissions officer said. "Start writing an essay about John who you met at a homeless shelter who talked to you about his life. Like any piece of good writing, then you're going to make that come alive.

The biggest problem for students, he said, is starting with too wide a focus. "By the time they get to the details, they run out of space," he said. "I'm all for cutting to the chase."

So….Tip 1

Tip 1. College essays are fourth in importance behind grades, test scores, and the rigor of completed coursework in many admissions office decisions. Don’t waste this powerful opportunity to share your voice and express who you really are to colleges. Great life stories make you jump off the page and into your match colleges.

A New Paradigm

Tip 2. Develop an overall strategic essay writing plan. College essays should work together to help you communicate key qualities and stories not available anywhere else in your application.

Remember: The package of essays counts…not just one.It’s the message that you communicate along with the power of your

stories and your writingIt’s your ability to take the reader into, through, and beyond your

stories quickly and memorablyTell stories that belong just to you. That’s why a narrow and powerfully,

personal focus is key.

Essays = opportunity

Take control over the highest ranked non-academic aspect of the application

Realize the package of essays counts…not just one Share their voice Empower students to take ownership of their stories Express who they really are Show (not tell) stories that belong only to them and

help them jump off the page Challenge stereotypes Reflect on their growth and development, including

accomplishments and service Seek to understand what the admission officer is

looking for

Four Major Application Types: 1. The Common Application

Many private and some public American use the centralized Common Application with their own supplements

It just went live on yesterday. It is very slow. No writing supplements are out. So check my website www.allcollegeessays.org for latest updates.

www.commonapp.org It is now open for you to complete. University of Colorado, Boulder, Ohio State, and Purdue are now on

the application Most top colleges have supplements with additional essay

requirements. Don’t start writing any essays until you see all the essays required for your top schools.

1. Common Application Essays

One Long250-650 words –actual limit as you upload it.

One Long: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they

believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?

Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? Would you make the same decision again?

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

ActivitiesThe Common Application leaves room for 10 activities with 150 characters to describe your

leadership and initiativeAdditional InformationThe Common Application allows you to add additional information. Accepts up to 650 words.Supplemental EssaysThey range from one line to 500 words. Some schools have one, while other have three. They can

overlap. If it says optional, view it as mandatory.

Common Application Writing Supplements

Some long– U Penn, U Chicago (300-650 words)

Some medium—Stanford Some small— Columbia, Brown

Four Major Application Types: 2. Large Public Universities

Many large and most prominent public universities have their own applications. Universities of Arizona, California, Indiana, Maryland,

Oregon, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin—to name just some

They each have different essay requirements. They each have your report activities in a different way. But there are ways to use your other essays here as well. They have their own essays. You should gather their topics

and look for ways to use your common application essay as one of your essays for the public colleges, and visa-versa.

UC California

Two essays Respond to both prompts, using a maximum of 1,000 words total. You may allocate the word count as you wish. If you choose to

respond to one prompt at greater length, we suggest your shorter answer be no less than 250 words.

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)-[Outside-In] Describe the world you come from – for example, your family,

community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt #2 (all applicants) [Inside-Out] Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment,

contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are

UT Prompts Essay Topics for Summer/Fall 2014 and Beyond UT – Austin–To be complete, your application must include at least two essays. All applicants must submit Topic C and a

second essay in response to A, B, D (required for some majors) or S. Topic C Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you

achieve your goals. Topic A Describe a setting in which you have collaborated or interacted with people whose experiences and/or beliefs differ from

yours. Address your initial feelings, and how those feelings were or were not changed by this experience. Topic B Describe a circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. Did it change you?

If so, how? Topic D Submit this essay if you are applying to architecture, art history, design, studio art, or visual art studies/art education.

Major-specific Essay Topic Personal interaction with objects, images and spaces can be so powerful as to change the way one thinks about particular

issues or topics. For your intended area of study (architecture, art history, design, studio art, visual art studies/art education), describe an experience where instruction in that area or your personal interaction with an object, image or space effected this type of change in your thinking. What did you do to act upon your new thinking and what have you done to prepare yourself for further study in this area?

Topic S Special Circumstances Essay Topic There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing

that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

 

University of Texas Essay Tips

Don’t tell us what you think we want to hear. The university’s essay readers don’t have a perfect essay in mind – as a matter of fact essays that sound like all the rest of them – the essay that is expected – is more likely to be overlooked.

Be yourself. Show us what makes you unique, how you’ve dealt with issues and problems, what you think about the topic at hand. Good writing teachers tell their students to write about what they know. That’s good advice for college essays, too.

Use a natural voice and style. Although it’s always important to use proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, diction, etc., don’t write to try to impress anyone. Use words and a style that are appropriate for the topic you’re writing about, for someone your age, and for someone who’s trying to communicate clearly and logically.

Don’t be overly informal either. Your essay will be read by an adult professional. In almost all cases, you should avoid using words or phrases that you might use when texting someone or on a social networking site.

Develop your ideas. Although the length of your essay alone technically doesn’t matter, developing your ideas completely does matter. If you can do that in a single page of text, that’s good; but if it takes you three pages or so, that’s alright, too (as long as you’re not just adding words to make your essay longer). It’s not realistic to assume that you can clearly communicate your unique perspective about anything in a short paragraph or two.

Organize your thoughts. All good writing has a beginning, a middle, and an end. That doesn’t mean you should be formulaic in your writing (this isn’t a high school exit exam), but you should introduce your idea, provide interesting examples and details in support of your idea, and come to some sort of conclusion at the end.

Don’t respond to the prompt as though you’re answering a question. Again, we don’t have a perfect essay in mind. The prompt is supposed to get your mind churning, to make you want to tell us what you think about something that’s important to you. Your essay is your opportunity to do that.

Four Major Application Types: 3. Private college specific applications

Fewer and fewer major private universities are not on the common application

But there are still holdouts.Georgetown and MIT to name a view.

Make sure you don’t write unnecessary essays as Georgetown essays are like The Common Application.

Four Major Application Types:4. Other systems

Some large public systems have their own applications which do not require long, if any essays. Yet their applications for financial aid or academic support programs add in those requirements. Washington State, for example, several short essays which they share with other state systems.

The Universal Application is another system. It has fewer colleges on it than The Common Application.

Develop A Master Chart

Tip 3. Keep a chart of all essays required by each college, including short responses and optional essays. View each essay or short response as a chance to tell a new story and to share your core qualities.

I recommend three sheets. 1. Major deadlines and needs. Break it down by the four

application types 2. Core essays-Color code all the similar or overlapping essays. 3. Supplemental essays. Each college has extra requirements

on the common application. Again color code similar types: Why are you a good match for us? How will you add to the diversity of our campus?

Write the Fewest Yet Most Effective Essays…

Tip 4. Look for patterns between colleges essay requirements so that you can find ways to use essays more than once. This holds true for scholarship essays.

Be prepared to move essays around. Sherlyn used her first Common App essay when schools allowed her Guacamole essay as another long. They became her two UT essays.

With Stanford-She used Guacamole to Common App long and used other shorter topics for their shorts

Where to Begin: Brainstorm

Tip 5. Plan to share positive messages and powerful outcomes. You can start with life or family challenges. You can describe obstacles you have overcome. You can reflect on your growth and development, including accomplishments and service. College admissions officers do not read minds, so tell them your powerful life stories. Some states can use only socio-economic status, but not race, in admissions, but in your essays, your voice and background can emerge.

Look at your three favorite activities or accomplishment… Next to each one, list the traits you believe this activity helps you show explicitly

or implicitly to a college. Examples…empathetic, resilient, determined, collaborative, creative, insightful, analytic, etc.

Add a story or key example to one.

1 2 3 

 

Three Shorts- What Qualities Does Each Reveal?

Read the three sample shorts. What qualities do they reveal about each writer?

Work I spent the year tutoring 45 students whose test scores did not meet the Annual Yearly Progress (AYP) standards set by the state.

Throughout the year, I spent the time playing word games and math games with the kids, while secretly trying to find the secret to winning those games. My time spent at Hoffman-Boston was such an amazing experience, but it was anything but easy. There were days when the students were frustrated, and even days when I was discouraged. But I never gave up on them. I always came back the next Tuesday, ready to show them addition and subtraction tricks I had up my sleeve. When they took their tests in May, 43 of the 45 students met the standards that they did not meet the year before. Upon being recognized by the county for my volunteer work, I realized how much we were helping these kids. On a larger scale, I realized how much I cared about the well-being of the students in the public school system. My work with these kids paralleled my desire to excel at the hidden pictures. Those pictures, hidden within the contour of the portrait, mirrored the potential of these kids, many of whom lived in single parent families, to push themselves and succeed.

Volunteer A long line of little ducklings dawdles behind me. I begin singing Five Little Ducklings and they all follow with their own

individual adorable dances. The two year old children then toss pieces of bread into the pond, and I watch in awe as real baby ducks come trailing along towards the kids. One duck is a little too friendly to one child, so being the mother goose I shoo away the duck and comfort my anxious duckling. The kids I work with at the Westside Children’s Center for children coming from low income backgrounds are my heart and soul. Their well-being is linked into mine and I can’t help but grow attached to each group of children I work with each summer. Their ability to grow emotionally and mentally amazes me, and I love to watch their daily and weekly and even yearly individual and community transitions. As much as I wish I could help out year round, I know my little ducklings go off on their own separate paths, but they will always leave an imprint in my heart.

Internship Fast food restaurants have become a part of my memory of East L.A. I never noticed that every block I walked by had at least

one liquor store. Moms buying chips for their children as prizes for good grades or as a way to quiet them so they wouldn’t annoy people with their cries are a common sight of my community. These liquor stores represent the many obstacles Latino families have in order to achieve a better life. The irony behind their arduous struggle to cross borders and give their families a better life is hampered when the indecent and poor availability of fresh food damages their health and leads to the generalization that Latinos are vulnerable to cardiovascular diseases. My internship last summer with UCLA Center for Population Health and Health Disparities this past summer gave me the chance to change those statistics. The internship consisted of being outdoors and indoors. In the morning I would plan promotion and use social marketing skills. In the afternoons, I along with other students broke concrete on the hottest days of July and August, sweating and getting sored from using hand tools. I was transforming one of the beer invaded stores into a store that would offer fresh fruits and vegetables and now is also offering exotic fruits and spices. None the less the renewable energy class I took the previous summer influenced my perception of the ecological issues my world faced.

Reading Florisel’s Essays

LAUSD Graduate 2012Currently a sophomore at Brown UniversityLook at her resume. What more would you like to

know about her?

Florisel’s Common App

The rain felt like needles pricking at my skin, causing me to wish I could have had an extra layer of clothing. But what could have an extra layer of clothing done? Not much since further ahead it would have been damped and heavy. I always wished for marathons to be on cloudy and rainy days so the heat wouldn’t cause the runs to be harder. A year ago during the LA Marathon, I got more than I wished for. It poured heavily.

But this time, I wasn’t running for myself; I was running with the five middle school students I had trained for the past eight months. I started off the race running alongside the coach and a student who wanted to be sure she would have a good pace to finish. Surprisingly, by the second mile, she had already started to speed up, and I asked her if she would like to run ahead. The enthusiastic look in her eyes shone through like a ray of light; she was hopeful that by running ahead she could beat the time people expected of her. As both of us continued on towards the fourth mile, the rain became heavier and the chilly wind grew fierce. The only way we could try to battle the cold and try to keep our bodies warm was to run faster and longer.

Florisel’s Common App

The rain felt like needles pricking at my skin, causing me to wish I could have had an extra layer of clothing. But what could have an extra layer of clothing done? Not much since further ahead it would have been damped and heavy. I always wished for marathons to be on cloudy and rainy days so the heat wouldn’t cause the runs to be harder. A year ago during the LA Marathon, I got more than I wished for. It poured heavily.

But this time, I wasn’t running for myself; I was running with the five middle school students I had trained for the past eight months. I started off the race running alongside the coach and a student who wanted to be sure she would have a good pace to finish. Surprisingly, by the second mile, she had already started to speed up, and I asked her if she would like to run ahead. The enthusiastic look in her eyes shone through like a ray of light; she was hopeful that by running ahead she could beat the time people expected of her. As both of us continued on towards the fourth mile, the rain became heavier and the chilly wind grew fierce. The only way we could try to battle the cold and try to keep our bodies warm was to run faster and longer.

Florisel’s Common App

Little by little we managed to run the magnificent “From the Stadium to the Sea” course. It was my fourth time running the L.A. Marathon and second time running the course. To my benefit and disgrace knowing the path helped and hurt me--I knew how far we were from the finish line, the hills, streets, and places. That made the temptation to stop when I felt sleepy and exhausted great just like the temptation to run ahead when I had energy, but I was aware that my partner was going to need help and encouragement in those last and arduous miles. With her I was able to give back the support I received in my first marathon, and deep inside I was grateful for the opportunity.

As we headed to Rodeo Drive a sudden rush of energy came over me. The view of the stores and their elegance made me remember that the marathon represented my struggle to achieve a better life for myself and the people I loved. I remembered that I had my family standing in the cold and harsh rain trying to stay dry under the umbrellas whose flaps were weak against that ocean wind.

to battle the cold and try to keep our bodies warm was to run faster and longer.

Florisel’s Common App

Remembering all this carried me through when I hit the wall on mile 22. The energy I had felt before was leaving my grasp. I felt that that was as far as I could go. My partner had become exhausted and our walking pace had become slower. We had met three other students who were struggling to continue, one of them was starting to get the chills, while another had cramps; it was at that moment that my real fear began. I was scared that they might collapse and that I wouldn’t be able to help them. All I could think of was to accommodate the pace to their needs without letting them give up on running at least a little.

All five of us completed the 2011 Los Angeles Marathon on the rainiest and coldest day we ever experienced. My greatest accomplishment was to help students achieve the goals they thought impossible to complete. I learned that I have the strength and character to accomplish and succeed, and that though the road may not be easy, it is possible.

More Brainstorming

1. Think of three traits or experiences or stories you didn’t list that could lead to a great long essay. I always believe something you do should be embedded in it somehow. Living in two worlds---urban neighborhood and elite private school. Growing up on a cattle farm yet being a vegetarian committed to public health and healthy living.

2. Which other activities or experiences can connect to them?123

Stuck…here some tips to get you pick possible topics

1. Read through Dr. Joseph’s tips for brainstorming. They include

1. Starting by writing three short activity statements2. Reading model essays from actual college websites3. Looking at other college’s essay prompts-U

Chicago, Tufts4. Writing a “Where I’m From” piece5. Creating a letter to future roommate or an

amazing list of what makes you you.6. Looking at 5 top FB and Instagram Pictures7. Reading models from other JKCF scholars

1st person only.

Tip 6. Always write in the first person. Remember, these are autobiographical essays, even when you talk about other people. Remember the colleges are looking to accept you, not your relatives. So use the one third and two thirds rule. If you choose to write about someone or something else, you must show how it affected you for the majority of the essay. Your essays show colleges why you belong on college campuses and share how you will enrich diverse communities.

Into, Through, and Beyond Essay Approach

Tip 7. Follow Dr. Joseph’s Into, Through, and Beyond approach. Lead the reader INTO your story with a powerful beginning—a story, an experience. Take them THROUGH your story with the context and keys parts of your story. Make sure the reader understands your initiative, leadership, development, and continuity. End with the BEYOND message about how this story has affected who you are now and who you want to be in college and potentially after college. The beyond can be implied in many pieces that are so strong that moralizing at the end if not necessary.

It is not just the story that counts. It’s the choice of qualities a student wants the college to

know about herself

Into

It’s the way the reader can lead the reader into the piece—images, examples, context.

The 1,200-degree scorching coals surprisingly left no imprint upon my soles. There were just the hundreds of tiny embers glowing on the ground and the fire department on alert at the opposite end. I had just walked on fire.

I was weak and exhausted. During the day we would protest across from the Armenian Embassy in Glendale. We would hold up signs, posters, and banners. We passed out fliers to oncoming traffic. Twenty seven fellow protesters and I chained ourselves together and put tape over our mouths to symbolize our hunger, our deep hunger for change, and yes, for food. We slept outside on wet grass having sprinklers turn on us every night at 2:30 a.m. Every morning, we cleaned up in a restaurant, and the smell and sight of the food tested me. But when I felt doubts arise, I would remember my great-grandfather who barely survived the Armenian genocide. For months, he had little food or water and had to go on a death march which few survived. If he could make it through those conditions, I knew I could make it through this week. And I did.

“We have great crack.” Four short words that forever changed the way I viewed public speaking.

Through

What happened…quickly…yet clearly with weaving of story and personal analysis Make sure we see your leadership, initiative, development, and initiative Specific focus on the student Great summarizing, details, and images at same time

Last year, I volunteered as a Confirmation leader at St. Raphael’s Church in South Los Angeles . St. Raphael’s is like a home to me and I basically grew up in those old, moldy pews. Brian proved to be the biggest challenge I faced that year. We had a long history together. We were in the same class at grade school until sixth grade when he was held back. I hadn’t seen him since I graduated 8th grade and went to an all girls’ school, and now here we are sitting in class every Sunday morning, me as a teacher and him as my favorite student. Throughout the year, dare after dare, he tried everything he could to push my buttons. He sought out fights, cursed, and even called me a n****r but I didn’t give up. I quietly disregarded his statements and moved on. I would not let Brian and his derogatory comments break me. His dreadful behavior lasted until after our retreat.

As a child, I viewed my lack of understanding of the English language as temporary obstacle; as an adult, my mom’s grasp of the English language was a limitation—impaired communication was knowing what you wanted to say but being unable to articulate it. As my grasp of the English language grew to surpass my mom’s, I would often receive phone calls from her at work in which she would ask me the meaning of an English word or ask me to translate a word from Spanish to English so she could use it. My mom taught me not only to appreciate and take advantage of every opportunity presented, but also to use my skills to help others. At the time a seemingly insignificant moment, when a non-English-speaking man at Barnes and Noble wanted to put a book on hold but did not know how to tell the cashier, I translated for him; it is because of my mom that I discovered the joy of helping others.

Beyond

Ending that evokes key characteristics Conveys moral

If the friendships found in mixed cultures can be so strong, so influencing as to, say, bring success in a most challenging class, or make memorable nights with a best friend, why not overlook the differences in details and embrace them? There is great power in bringing people together; I’d like to make it happen and, from there, see it blossom into something powerful.

All five of us completed the 2011 Los Angeles Marathon on the rainiest and coldest day we ever experienced. My greatest accomplishment was to help students achieve the goals they thought impossible to complete. I learned that I have the strength and character to accomplish and succeed, and that though the road may not be easy, it is possible.

Take the Time With These Essays

Tip 8. Use active writing: avoid passive sentences and incorporate power verbs. Show when possible; tell when summarizing.

Tip 9. Have trusted inside and impartial outside readers read your essays. Make sure you have no spelling or grammatical errors.

Free Write

Thinking of how Florisel started her essay. Think of a way to begin one with one of your activities or accomplishments.

Edit Using Probing Questions

Does your essay start with a story that hooks us in from the first paragraph?

If you start in the past, do you get to the present very quickly? Colleges want to know about the recent you. Great essays can start more recently and weave in past events.

Do you write only in the first person and not spend too much time describing anyone or anything else? Use my one-third-two-third rule. You may not spend more than 1/3 of the essay describing anything other than your own activities and goals.

If you are writing about your community or family, do you get to the present and your life and life works quickly? Can this description only connect to you and your story of who are you and how you are making a difference?

Do you only tell one story and not try to tell your entire life story?

More Questions

If you are writing about an obstacle or challenge overcome, do you get to how you have responded and made a difference in the life of your community by the second or third paragraph of the essay? Admissions officers want to know who are you and how you make an impact drawing upon your obstacles or challenges.

Do you have a metaphor that goes through the entire piece…does this metaphor reveal who you are and what you offer to potential colleges? You can embed this metaphor throughout out your piece.

Can I close my eyes and picture your story? Does it make you sound unique and not like anyone else applying? Can I see your leadership and initiative and the power of what you will offer a college campus?

Do you tell new stories and qualities in each separate essay your write? Do you make sure to reveal powerful information and core messages that colleges will need to know to admit you and give you money to attend?

Endings-Do you end with a bang? Do you make it clear by the end you have goals and aspirations that drive you. Your endings must be specific for some prompts like the University of California and University of Texas, but can be more oblique and implied in Common Application and many supplementary essays. Do you end leaving the reader with the desire to get to know you more, to see you on his or her campus, and to share your essay with someone else?

Final Thoughts

Tip 10. Most importantly, make yourself come alive throughout this process. Write about yourself as passionately and powerfully as possible. Be proud of your life and accomplishments. Sell yourself!!!

Students often need weeks not days to write effective essays. You need to push beyond stereotypes.

You must ultimately submit what pleases you. Essays cannot be manufactured. They convey truth, unique stories, and

writing skills. Admissions officers can smell “enhanced” essays. Students have two to five minutes to grab the attention of a essay reader. You can find many great websites and examples but each student is

different. Admissions officers often say essays make or break an ultimate decision

for students applying to “match colleges.” Facebook friend me: getmetocollege freeadvice

Final Journal

Please write down three ideas and/or plans you will take with you from this session.

You Can Make Your College Dreams Come True

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