Download pdf - Volume 98, Issue 15

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Page 1: Volume 98, Issue 15

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Roadkill is yummy in tummy

Adams seeks enlargement

Cow tipping squad prepares for Nationals

UGA o!ers subtraction course

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To Hell With Georgia is a special issue brought to you annually by the Technique in the spirit of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate • Established 1911

Page 2: Volume 98, Issue 15

2 • November 19, 2012 • Technique NEWS

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Advertise with us! Visit nique.net/ads for information

www.nique.netsliver

COME ALONG PONDSAnyways mandatory doctor who sliverAm I right guys?I know its late but I really think the world revolves around meMeowzers! Why does NRE have so many handsome cats?!DEHUMANIZE YOURSELF AND FACE TO BLOODSHEDJudgement: Death PenaltyReady for Hate Week? Download the Glee Club’s “To Hell With georgia” track on iTunes!why is it sooooooo cold in the student center greenhouse?LE 9GAG ARMY XD lelelelelele!e RHA o"ce couch is the most comfortable place to sleep.RIP Ribs n Blues. 1792 - 2552 Goodnight sweet prince.IT’S MIDTERMS AND I BLOW IT. s*** s*** s*** s*** s***Are you eating cereal out of a solo cup?I can tell you’re checking out my girl. Stop that.I have entered the senior design cave. Whether or not I will emerge victorious remains to be seen.STFU or GTFO, kids in the library that are entirely too obnox-ious.Curly haired girl in the library: I know you are engaged, want alcohol at your wedding, that you bombed your senior design proposal and that you are not getting an MRS degree and I don’t even know your name... how, you may ask? BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FRd-rad: good riddanceNot a hole Keisha, a ValveDayna is o# tonight; he was murdered then set on $re while cel-ebrating his birthdayI like turtlesa sliver in the hand is worth two in the bushsymbioooosis symbiooooosissymbioooosis symbioooosiswhere are all the sliver boxes. this is ridiculous“guy with the angry birds beanie” is my man, and he looks sexy in it. #geto#

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Photo courtesy of IndependentMail.com

Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson, a U[sic]GA student idol, has been selected as the 2012 fall graduation ceremony speaker, being the youngest speaker in the world at any graduation ceremony.

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BY THE TECHNIQUEEDITORIAL BOARD

Page 3: Volume 98, Issue 15

Technique • November 19, 2012 • 3 NEWS

A lot of things went on outside the bars of the University[sic] of Georgia in the past week. Here are a few important events for students that are occuring across the nation.

Donkey love story to be decided by courtThe hearing for Carlos Romero,

who is charged with having sexual intercourse with a donkey, has been delayed so that a decision can be made regarding the ability of the court to take legal custody of the donkey, and potentially put her up for adoption.The cause of this charge dates

back to August 15, when Romero was found standing behind the aforementioned donkey, nick-named Doodle by the accused, shirtless, with his pants down, and allegedly performing sexual acts on the 21-month-old female donkey.Romero claimed he was using

his fingers to clean between the donkey’s legs and to check for wood shaving and debris.Thirty-one-year-old Romero,

currently in protective custody, is attempting to retain custody of her, claiming his acts were a form of “husbandry,” common in live-stock farming communities.“I [just] want my donkey back,”

Romero said. “There’s got to be due process here. I paid $500 for her.”

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Photo by Juanita Tacquito / Student Publications

An inebriated U[sic]GA student fails an exam while a corgi classmate passes with !ying colors. A recent study con"rmed that this common sight was based on the now-scienti"cally proven fact that canine dogs are markedly more intelligent than U[sic]GA students.

Page 4: Volume 98, Issue 15

4 • November 19, 2012 • Technique NEWS

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Photo by Sal T. Rection / Student Publications

Code such as that above on the walls appeared across campus, leaving students stupe"ed in their midst. The “alien code” has yet to be understood.

Page 5: Volume 98, Issue 15

Technique • November 19, 2012 • 5 NEWS

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Photo by Big Mac / Student Publications

Tra#c cones, lanes and other paraphernalia now accessorize the outside of the new Terry School of Driving Under the In!uence.

Photo by Deepak F. Chican / Student Publications

Students celebrate the ability to reuse red Solo cups, most of which have been recovered from trash cans from around campus. This study proves that these cups are, in fact, usable for one year.

Page 6: Volume 98, Issue 15

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Gandalf Figglisworth, O#ce Linebacker

Apache, News ProphetCobra Commador III, Instagram EditorChet “Kegstand” King, Flip-Cup ChampLou, Gender Confused Sasquatch

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Page 7: Volume 98, Issue 15

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STDsIt’s only this year’s

hottest fashion acces-sory. What better way to show how much you love that one night stand you drunkenly slept with? Don’t be sel!sh and spread the love this year.

BEERHonestly? Is this even

a question? Who honestly drinks their brews warm. I only drink Natty cold and straight from the can. I mean come on what is this Georgia Southern? Clown question bro.

FINGER PAINTING

What’s cooler than !n-ger painting? Nothing, and that’s a fact. Well, maybe eating glue. "at’s just as tight, but my mom always gets mad at me when I do it.

Global WarmingSeriously, let’s put fans

outside to cool down the Earth. "is global warm-ing nonsense is making it way too hard to keep my brews cold. My double decker cooler can only hold so much.

Page 9: Volume 98, Issue 15

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Photo by Frodo Baggins / Ring Bling Weekly

University[sic] students claim they saw a squirrel attack their beloved mascot, coming at him with ninja-like agility as it swooped down out of the sky. Uga was helpless to defend himself.

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Photo by Troy and Abed / In the Morning

Students say they have seen squirrels plotting all around campus, dressed evilly in tiny top hats and villainous mustaches. Seriously.

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Page 10: Volume 98, Issue 15

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Photo by Boromir / Mordor Tours

The discovery of GeoCities by a U[sic]GA student could only be compared to !nding the Holy Grail. Roy Hicks was blown away by the colorful "ashing fonts and spinning images. When he later stumbled upon MySpace and AskJeeves, his head literally exploded.

Page 12: Volume 98, Issue 15

!is space provided as a public service by the Technique.

To Hellwith

Georgia!

Page 13: Volume 98, Issue 15

!is space provided as a public service by the Technique.

To Hellwith

Georgia!

Page 14: Volume 98, Issue 15

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Photo by Fornicating Penguins / Let’s Get It On

Tater tots are deep-fried heaven to U[sic]GA students. Like beer and their cousins, when they see them they can’t help themselves.

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Page 15: Volume 98, Issue 15

[email protected] Editor:Donna Meagle

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Photo courtesy of 4 Cox Entertainment

Holly Hoe, played by U[sic]GA’s Brandi Maxxx, is joined by her two friends in an arousing adventure.

Photo courtesy of Farmwives Are People Too Except When They’re Cows But That Doesn’t Make It Wrong Marry And Make Sweet, Sweet Love To Them. They Might Just Be Better than Your Heifer, But Pigs Are Not Acceptable Unless They Are A Blood Relative Or Bacon. I Like Bacon.

Rhetta Mae Dooley, Verna Buick, Lavinia Anne Crickleberg, Destinee Rae McDyer and Kate Smith (R to L) all prepare for a season sure to be full of hoeing and plowing.

Page 16: Volume 98, Issue 15

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Terrapin Rye Pale Ale

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'5$1.

Bud Light

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Pabst Blue Ribbon

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'5$1.

Genny Light

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Natural Light

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Photo courtesy of The Man

Page 17: Volume 98, Issue 15

� • November 19, 2012 • 17 3/($685(

The economy sucks.Free pizza rations on Tuesdays.

7 p.m., Flag 137, Technique

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Photo courtesy of Battleship

Despite exciting cover art, the Battleship movie is far from deluxe and in fact breaks electronics with thick and square shaped DVDs.

One of U[sic]GA’s top foreign exchange students tries out the latest local pastime of grass watching.Photo courtesy of Joey Roo

Page 18: Volume 98, Issue 15

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Beer Pong Tournament

Photo courtesy of Billy Bob Joe Phoebe Lee Hunterman VIII

U[sic]GA has been overtaken by an awesome new trend: trucks tricked out with duct tape!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Page 19: Volume 98, Issue 15

� • November 19, 2012 • 19 &20,&6

)XQQLHV� E\�0H�DQG�<RX�

Interested in writing, photography, design or ad-

vertising?Join the Technique to get

the chance to discover all aspects of campus! Weekly sta! meetings Tuesdays at

7 p.m. in Flag Building Rm. 137

www.nique.net

Page 20: Volume 98, Issue 15

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SELL!! SELL!! SELL!!

‘SUP MY DAWG ZLWK�Gbfa`�9S^^aiSk�3TWd`SfZk�H;;;

By Pat DowneNickelback enthusiast

To Hell with Georgia:� � 6R�8SWRQ��KRZ·V�OLIH"

Upton Galloway- Aberna-thy VIII: (YHU\� GD\·V� D� JRRG�GD\� ZKHQ� \RX·UH� GULQNLQ·� D�EUHZ��(VSHFLDOO\�WKH�FODVVLHVW�RI�EHHUV��OLJKW�EHHU�

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Photos by Macon Paine / Sado-Masochism Enthusiasts

(L) Abernathy lines up his initial shot against an opponent. In order to get his buzz on, he generally plays 10 cup pong by himself. (R) Abernathy holding the game ball after a hard fought pong match.

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Page 21: Volume 98, Issue 15

� • November 19, 2012 • 21 9LVRUV�DUH�&RRO"�

CLASSIFIEDSplace your

techniquewith the

classi!eds.nique.net

buy! buy!

SELL!! SELL!! SELL!!

8>VLF@JD�IRRWEDOO�UDQNLQJ�LPSURYHV�FXUULFXOXPBy Leeroy Jenkins

He has chicken

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Photo by Regina George / The Meanest Girl

A U[sic]ga student prepares for a test and tries to count past the number !ve. With the Bulldogs ranked !fth overall, students and alumni are outraged they have to count to such a high number.

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Page 22: Volume 98, Issue 15

�����1RYHPEHU���������� • � 9LVRUV�DUH�&RRO"�

Attn: Student Organizations

This space could be your ad for only

$36nique.net/ads

www.nique.net

Photo by Turok / Velociraptor

A football player attempts to use a typewriter to complete his article for the school paper, despite more advanced technology being available. The football team assumed that joining the newspaper meant they would be able to wear their favorite colors more often.

By Dee SnuttsWannabe Spice Girl

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Page 23: Volume 98, Issue 15

� • November 19, 2012 • 23 9LVRUV�DUH�&RRO"�

www.nique.net

with Georgio A. Tsoukalos

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Photo by Carrie Oakey / Drunken Songs Inc.

Is this real life? Is anything real? These are questions we must ask ourselves every day when organizations such as the ACC are creating false ideas such as the popular ‘Global Warming’ theory.

Page 24: Volume 98, Issue 15

[email protected] Editor:Ron Swanson ���0RQGD\�1RYHPEHU���������9LVRUV�DUH�&RRO"�

BY THE NUMBAHS

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Photo by Neo Matrix / Bad acting incorporated

Laserdawgs captain Bud Light valiantly leads his team through intense !re against the North Fulton Flyers. Despite the loss, the team is optimistic about the future, despite only gaining the funds to play one laser tag match every 25 years.

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Photo by Jed I. Knight / Yo Yo Yoda Photography

While Gurley had displayed certain womanlike qualities such as dancing on the !eld, he has been con!rmed to be a man.

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See Gurley, page 21