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Chapter one
Laylah! said, Tanner my best friend since kindergarten who was
picked on because her name was supposedly a boy name. All wecould say then was stupid boys Too bad all the guys want her now.
Me on the other hand, not so much, Im kind of the focused type.
Tanner says I need to release my inner beast; whatever that
means. Tanner and I hug after a long vacation more like two weeks.
It was spring break! However this spring break was different, it wasthe first spring break we were away from each other. I for one
thought it was ridiculous but she said it was just fine; that we needed
some time away anyway. I figured her brain was melting from the
heat of spring.
So did you have a good time on spring break? I asked with a bit of
selfishness, as we walked down my street to catch up. Tanner
noticed it.
Whats with you? She said as she looked at me with a raised
eyebrow.
Like she didnt know. You KNOW what is wrong with me!Oh sure I do Laylah, because ya know I can read minds. She laughs
and puts her index and middle finger to her temple like a telepath.
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Very funny Tanner! You left me this spring break; I was ALL alone
with family to cope with! I put the back of my hand to my head and
pretend to faint.
God Lay you are so selfish sometimes! She stops me in mid walk
and gets down on her bony knees and begs. Dear Laylah please
forgive me, for being so cruel and for not being your babysitter over
spring break! She gets up and then continues. Oh and please
forgive me for having a life! She laughs but not the hearty laugh Im
used to, the laugh that says your being a little pathetic.
We walk in silence for a few moments before I give in.
Im sorry okay, I just, She interrupts me.
You just what? Need someone to always watch over you? Laylah!
We are sophomores in high school. Come on! She notices the hurtin my eyes. She sighs. Laylah what Im saying is, I know that weve
been best friends for a while now, This time I interrupt.
try forever.
Since forever, but you have to be okay with us not always being
together.
We both stop in front of her house not saying anything. I am being
selfish. I am.
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Laylah?
Ill see you tomorrow. And just like that Tanner is gone. Problem
is, I never saw Tanner tomorrow, I never saw her again. Tanner died
that night. She called me11:16pm. I didnt pick up. I was so mad at
her. Why would I? I wish I had. Problem is, I cant take it back. She
left me a voice mail.
Lay? Laylah, I know you can hear me.
Im sorry Lay. I just(she sighs here and there is silence and for a
moment I thought she was gone.)
I need you to call me. Something isnt right. I can feel it.
You know how in church, we always said God will give us warnings. Ithink He is giving me one. I really do.
I cant stay here tonight, at home I mean. Something isnt right. Call
me.
Chapter 2
My eyes snap open. My heart is racing, so fast it hurts. Im soaked in
my own sweat. Laying in it. Bad dream? I dont remember anything.
Im not in my bed. Im not at home. ImIm
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Laylah? Sweetheart wake up My head is being cooled. The room
is way too bright. There are voices, some familiar some not.Too
many of them to deciphers, thats what I decide anyway. Can I open
my eyes? I try to open them, I cant its too bright. Laylah babyits
dad. Open your eyes. My dad. Im gone again; I dont know when I
woke up. I dont know what happened. I just know that when I woke
up, I was covered in sweat again. This has to stop happening Lay?
You alright sweetheart? my mom says softly. I want to tell her no,
that I dont know what is going on, but Im too busy taking in mysurroundings. Im in a hospital. North Tamed Hospital. My hometown
hospital. Soon I cant think anymore and my heart hurts. There is
this awful sound coming from my mouth and something falling on my
face. My mom engulfs me and Im gone again.
When I finally awake. I feel better, I feel panicked, anxious but better.Mom. I cant even talk, Im choking. I notice someone in the room
that cant be my mother, she is weak and frail. She comes at me like
a lost puppy. Eyes illuminated.
Lay, Shes going to break, if she were a porcelain doll she would be
oldest. Her eyes cracked and let streaks of light in. I want to speak,ask her what is going on but I cant. I look at my arm which looks like
it has been tied with tubes and something pouring through them.
Almost on key my dad steps up. Serious and firm, hes died and has
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been raised again. He smells like coffee and burning sugar, the smell
wraps its putrid hands around my neck.
Lay, My dad speaks up. You are in the hospital. NO dad really?
We found you, on the road, yesterday. We thought you were healed,
since its been a month since, Tanner. He stops talking. I close my
eyes at Tanner she was my best friend and shes haunting me. I
dont believe in her. I swallow hard not being able to talk sucks.
What?
We found you, the police found you on the side of the road. You left
in the middle of a storm. You had taken some pills. Some very bad
pills sweetheart. You are sick. Your body is very fragile baby. I
choke on air this time, I shut my mouth again. Just then a scrawny
man who looks like his lab coat swallows him, walks in. Hello LaylahIm Doctor Krine. He is talking to loud, I wish the smell of my dad
would choke him. How are you feeling? I cant say anything so I
dont. Not talking huh? Well thats alright. Ive already had a very
long talk with your parents. He walks to the big monstrous machine
pumping me with liquid, I feel like a water balloon. Stretched skin,
almost about to pop. I stare down at my hands, tube infested, and the
invasion of rope tape.
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You are very sick Laylahdo you know that? My eyes dart to my
parents then back to the doctor. Dont they know I cant talk? My
mouth, my throat, my voice box are all dried out.
Laylah, you have to talk to him. Hes not going to hurt you. He just
wants to talk to you baby. My mom is as broken as she looks.
I I nearly choke to death. The room stands still for a while, then
my heart crashbangs into my stomach and rattles against my ribs.
The machine is going crazy. Dr. Krine calls to my parents and asksthem to leave. Yells at them to get out. My eyes are flashing, black
dots are everywhere. My heart is racing so fast, like a train. Buzzers
are going off everywhere. I cant see, cant breathe, cant to talk.
The nurse plugs another tube into my arm. The buzzers stop. My
mom is called back into the room my dad follows. She is crying. She
is breaking. Eyes filled with pain and cracking with fear. I want to tellher Im fine, but I dont even know what is happening.
Icant. My mother runs to my side with all life left.
You cant what? What cant you do Lay? just like that Im mute
again.
Then I feel it again, Im choking. I cant get better. My mom sits
back in her and lowers her head, she cries. She has finally broken. I
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broke her. Its my fault. Tanner. My Mother. Me here. Its my fault.
Mine.
I cry. I cry and cry until there is nothing left and my head melts andhardens into hard wax. My dad is trying to console me saying things
like. there there, its alright, hush babygirl, its okay. Im no longer
choking I have full control of my head, my voice. All the room is still
but me and I move at light speeds as I rocket up from the bed. Im in
his face when time slows. My breath uneven and rigid. My heart
crashbanging, the machine buzzing, everything. I yell.
You are lying to me! Stop it please! The machine calms again, I
have broken my father. I wonder how many hearts I can break
tonight.
Dr. Krine walks in a little later or maybe it was a long while later. I
still have no track of time.
Laylah are you ready to talk, He notices my parents in the corner.
Yes Dr. Krine I did that too.
I want you to tell me. What is wrong with me?
Laylah..have you ever heard of anorexia?
A firebomb explodes in my face, heat rushes over my back and my
neck, Im sweating. Im quiet. I dont want to talk anymore but Dr.
Krine doesnt seem to care.
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You Laylah, you are anorexic. We think it may have something to do
with your friend Tanner passing away. Just then another lady walks
in, shes looks tired. Like my mother, only worse. This is Dr. Lang
she is going to help you figure this out okay?
I dont need her. Dr. Lang is stone, she doesnt look broken. Shes
unbreakable. I cross my arms. My arms are prickling with sweat.
When can I go home?
Laylah babygirl you are very sick sweetheart. Even though myfather is broken he still talks. Weird. You cant come home right
away. He looks at Dr. Krine for help.
Dr. Krine steps closer to my bed. You are going to be moved to a
place that takes care of people with eating disorders. You..
I dont let him finish before I continue. Dr. Krine..
Yes?
I dont have a disorder. I dont have an eating disorder.
My mother is shattering in my fathers arms and my father is trying
to glue her back together. Dr. Lang excuses herself and when she
returns she has pamphlets. River Centre.
Im not going. I dont have a disorder. Im not sick.
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You are leaving tomorrow Laylah; Ill be with you every step of the
way. Dr. Lang says.
Chapter 3
My head is so heavy. They have given me something that is to heavy
for my eyes. When I finally get them open a nurse is there with a
tray of food. A lot of food. A banana, 2 pieces of toast (buttered),
orange juice, and something elseI dont know why she brought that
in. Maybe it is just normal procedure for hospitals? I never eat in themorning. I just dont have time is all. She sits the tray in front of me.
Here you are Laylah. She smiles at me then continues. You need
to eat okay, you are very weak and have a long day today. Make sure
you drink that packet okay? She stands it up on my tray and cuts
the corner off. What is that a juice box? Im not five. My mother is
looking at me. My father must have glued her back together while I
was sleeping.
Eat Laylah. My head turns toward her.
Im not hungry.
She looks down, then walks over to me. Eat.
Im not hungry, you think I want to eat after all of this Mom?!
Eat Laylah! For Gods sake just eat something! Shes shaking.
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Stop yelling at me! I pick up the banana. I hate bananas so I sit that
back down on the tray. Her eyes are hard and locked on me. Shes
waiting for me to eat something. I cant. I can bite something cant I?
I put a napkin on the buttered toast. There is way too much butter on
it. My mom doesnt refute.
I take a bite of the corner. I stare into her face, looking for
satisfaction in her brow, her lips, her eyes. I cant find it.
More.
Mom!
Laylah Michaels!
Good morning? Says Dr. Lang as she walks in. Mrs. Michaels,
please sit down. Thank God for Dr. Lang. Arent you going to eat
something Laylah? She notions my tray. I dont notice. I believe the
nurse told you to drink that packet
What is it?
A nutritional drink. I dont say anything. She leans on the bed post.
Ill make you a deal, drink that and I wont make you eat what is onyour tray.
Well, how many calories are in it?
I cant say.
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Well then I just rather not eat.
That wasnt the deal Laylah.
I never said I wanted to make the deal.
You have to eat. The two pieces of toast and the orange juice. The
banana and the two pieces of toast. Or the nutritional drink. Your
choice. She walked out of the room like she didnt even care.
Whatever.
I sat there for 3 hours before I decided to just take the nutritional
drink.