Team Parenting in Fragile Families:
Helping Parents Develop and Maintain Positive Relationships
Presentation by Nigel Vann
Skills that Enhance Relationships* Self-Awareness -- Identify and accept
emotions; High level of self-worth; Feel loveable and capable; Aware of wants and needs; Processed own history
Couples-Awareness -- Recognize and enjoy differences; Avoid assumptions; “I matter and so do you”
Communication -- Open, honest and clear; Avoid “shutting down;” Feel real empathy; Express feelings; Ask for what you want; Hear and care what your partner wants; High level of confiding; Clear the air
Sexuality and Sensuality – Closeness and Bonding
Fight Fair -- Express and accept anger without destroying love; Resolve issues; Direct and skilled conflict; Apologize when you’re wrong, don’t gloat when you’re right
Negotiating -- Each partner feels heard, accepted and considered; Able to make compromises and delay gratification
Laugh Together
*Adapted from material presented in the semester long course of the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills (PAIRS)—see www.pairs.com for more information on this innovative program)
Family Bill of Rights*
Every child has the right to have two homes where he or she is cherished and given the opportunity to develop normally.
Every child has the right to a meaningful, nurturing relationship with each parent.
Every parent and child has the right to call themselves a family regardless of how the children’s time is divided.
Every parent has the responsibility and right to contribute to the raising of his or her child.
Every child has the right to have competent parents and to be free from hearing, observing, or being part of their parents’ arguments or problems with one another.
Every parent has the right to his or her own private life and territory and to raise the children without unreasonable interference from the other parent.
*From Mom’s House, Dad’s House: A Complete Guide for Parents Who Are Separated, Divorced, or Remarried by Isolina Ricci, PhD, page 11, Simon and Schuster, 2nd edition, 1997.
Team Parenting Skills
Make your relationship with your child a top priority
Be businesslike Keep the child out of the middle Give compliments to team
members Listen, listen, listen Copyright 2000 NPCL www.npcl.org
Team Parenting Skills cont.
Go ahead and apologize. Make changes when necessary Share your experience Ask for what you want. Be a man of your word
Copyright 2000 NPCL www.npcl.org
Daily Temperature Reading
Appreciation New Information Puzzles Complaints with Requests for Change Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams
Copyright 2004 PAIRS Foundation. www.pairs.com
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