Parent Communicat
ion:Working
withDifficult People
Erica M. Duckworth, M.Ed.BIG THICKET COOPERATIVE
Words to Live By
“I want to be a part of the solution and not the problem.” ~ Mrs. Barbara Greer
Parents/Guardians
ARE NOT A ONE SIZE FITS ALL GROUP
Getting to Know You• Why assess the student’s household?
• Primary source of motivation for the student• Students spend 70% of waking hours outside of the
school• Some parents/guardians do not have the resources
to provide the supports our students’ needs• The most consistent predictor of children’s
academic achievement is the parent’s expectations of the child’s academic performance and satisfaction with educational environment
www.michigan.gov/documetns/Final_Parent_Involvement_Fact _Sheet?14732_7.pdf,2004
Parent Sub-groupsAs Identified by Ruby K. Payne, Ph.D.
Career-Oriented
Involved
Single Parents
Immigrant Parents
Parents with Personal Issues
Surrogate Parents
Children Acting as Parents
Tips for Communication
•Information in print•Webpages, email, notes, etc.
Career Oriented
•Often stay informed•Revisit boundaries if neededInvolved
•Consider a color coding system•White = nice to know; yellow = concern; red = immediate attention
Single Parents
Continued
•Provide concise info•Videos have proven successful
Immigrant/ESL
•Phone systems•Links to resources•Group counseling
Parents with Personal
Issues/Children Acting as Parents
•Often needs supports•Mentor
Surrogate
Look Familiar?
Difficult
Lack of Trust Unclear
Roles
Poor Leadership
Unresolved Issues
Confusion
Vague Goals
Personality Conflict
Environment
Lack of Resources
The Big 3Highly
Educated / Affluent
Defensive / Overprotecti
ve
Under-resourced
/Undereducated
Which one is this?Bubba's Parent Teacher Conference part 1
0:00 – 3:45
Overprotective Parent Prospective
• Ownership of child; seen as a possession• Success is proof of good parenting• Fear of loss: death, affection, loyalty• The child cannot function without them• Emotional need of parent: loneliness, co-
dependence, addiction
Payne, R. Under-resourced learners: 8 strategies to boost student achievement.
Conference Strategies
• Listen for clarity• Acknowledge care/concern• Summarize and/or paraphrase• Ask questions for clarity• Plan of action if necessary• Discuss roles & boundaries• Follow up
Let’ Practice • With a partner summarize/paraphrase
1 of the following:• Your summer vacation• Your most embarrassing moment• The best/worst present you have
received
• Now switch
Roles/Boundaries• Correct inappropriate behavior
• “Anticipate a problem” ~ Mr. Bean
• Describe students behavior at school• If child is well adjusted socially, emotionally, academically
assure them of this fact
• Establish communication system if necessary• Fade communication system to that of typical student
• What are your boundaries?• Prepared statements:
• “I need time to think about this and get back with you.”• “I understand that you are concerned about ____, right now
let’s focus on ____”• “Let me check with my administrator and get back with you”
Clarity Questions• The Miracle Question
• “If you were to wake up tomorrow and everything was better, how would ’s school day look?”
• What is the best/worst thing that could happen if…• I’m wondering, what will happen if this issue isn’t
resolved…• Evidence indicating concern• I’m wondering if there is a time when you think s/he will
be able to…• Will this request help ____ be more successful at school?
Conference Clip3rdRock
Highly Resourced/Educated Parent Perspective
• It’s NOT okay to be NOT be okay (or better)• Respect comes with experience and expertise• Time is money• Most concerns/rules can be negotiated• Social, academic and eventual financial
success of their child is important – how is the school going to help the child achieve success?
Conference Strategies
• Do not discuss what you DO NOT know• Do not use sarcasm• Review current literature on topics to be
discussed• Ask questions for clarity• Be direct and concise• Establish boundaries• Establish support if needed
The Art of Clarity• Non-defensive approach to asking questions
• Dissolving assumptions – ask about pieces of assumptions
• Contradictions in what is said and done• Value, emotion, reasoning behavior• Determining content versus process:
• Who, what, when, where, WHY• How NOT to ask why – Why didn’t you do
that?, Why do you always? Why did you…?• How to ask why – I’m wondering why do you
think you chose to?, I’m curious as to what made you angry?, I was just asking myself why you would want her moved to another class?
Let’s practice• With your partner turn the following ?s
into Y ?• 1
• Why did you not call me to discuss ___’s behavior?• Why did you go to the superintendent without
trying to work this out with me first?• Why did are you looking in my classroom windows
during the day?
• 2• Why did you walk down to my classroom without
checking with the office?• Why are you yelling at me?• Why are you so worried about him/her during the
day?
Conference Clip• darlene&behavior
0:00-2:30
Under-resourcedParent Perspective
• Often personal academic experience was negative.
• Generational opinion on education and educators
• Anger can be demonstrated through power
• Usually has a circular pattern of discourse
Glass ½ Full
Winning Ownership ofEducation
Not get cheated $$$
Safety Love
Conference Strategies
• Reframe the school environment• Offer respect – eye contact, smile, handshake,
address them with Mr. or Mrs., offer coffee• Tell a story to make you more approachable, use
humor• Deliver bad news in the form of a story• Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know”• Pick your battles• Consider resources when planning• Do not allow inappropriate behavior
Reframing
Medline Plus defines Cognitive Reframing as follows:changing the conceptual and/or emotional viewpoint in relation to which a situation is experienced andplacing it in a different frame that fits the "facts" ofa concrete situation equally well, thereby changingits entire meaning.
Types of Reframing• Content reframing involves taking the exact same
situations and changing what it means. • You might say a student never stops talking. He never shuts
up! After content reframe, you might say that he certainly must be a very intelligent young man to have so much to say.
• Context reframing involves taking an experience that seems to be bad, upsetting, or undesirable and showing how the same behavior or experience is actually a great advantage in another context.• Oil was once considered something that destroyed the value
of land for crop; quite a contrast from the nickname black gold.
LET’SPRACTIC
E
Turning Lemons Into Lemonade
• With your partner reframe the following:• Content: Take a “high needs” student
that you have had in the past and make a GENUINE reframing statement about his character
• Context: tell about you’re a bad experience that turned out to be beneficial
Defining theProblem/Interest
• What is the need? (not solution)• Turn complaints into goals.• State the problem as a question – this
invites parents to become part of the solution• “How do we ____ while at the same
time….”• “Let’s think, how can we___AND___...”
Questioning TipsAVOID
•YES/NO•Confirmation
•Condescending•Offensive
•Implies answer•assumptive
UTILIZEOpenEnded
•Explorative•Involvement
•Likert Scale•Measurable
NeutralLanguage
•Nonjudgemental•Removes emotion
ConsensusIS
• Inclusive
• Shared control
• Flexible
• Commitment
• Accountable
AIN’T IS NOT• Unanimous
• Abandonment
• Majority
• Forceful
Reaching a Consensus
Parties reach an
agreement and plan to be carried
out
Each person involved
agrees not to hinder
plan
Each supportive
role is identified
Decision represents
diverse values and
interest
Guideline for Discussion
Speak 1 at a time;
speak up
Treat each person
professionally
Listen to all opinions
Ask questions for clarity
Steps 1-3: Consensus
Steps 4-6: Consensus
Gradients of Agreement
1•Disagree•Veto•Completely opposed
2•Great concerns•Uncomfortable with decision
3•Okay•Some concerns but still agree
4•Supportive•Likes agreement
5•All In!•Great idea
ImpasseReasons
• Trying to “save face”
• No buy-in
• Emotional – throwing in the towel
• Mistrust
• Fears
• Misunderstanding
• Lack of information
• Holding out for better
Strategies• Additional information/resources
• Ask questions
• Solicit everyone’s ideas/opinions
• Acknowledge emotions
• Apologize if necessary
• Break the issue into smaller issues
• Acknowledge progress of group thus far
• Reflect
• Recommend trial period
• Ask reality questions
• Take a break; set later date
Summary of ToolsClarify
Generalizations
Summarize
Neutral Language
Reflection
Understanding Problem/Intere
stReframe
complaint
Apologize if needed
Invite discussion
Identify boundaries
Make yourself approachable
Reflection• Did the parent leave
feeling…• They were treated
with respect?• Their interests were
acknowledged?• Their perspectives
were considered?• They contributed to
their child’s education?
Lowry & Meyers, Conflict Management and Counseling
Resources• Christopher, C. (1996). Building parent teacher communication: An
educator’s guide. Lancaster, PA: Technomic Publishing Company, Inc.
• McCarney, S. B. & Wunderlich, K.C. (2006). Pre-referral intervention manual (3rd ed.). S.N. House (Ed.) Columbia, MO: Hawthorne.
• Otey, L. & McDaniel, L. (2008). Facilitating IEPs: Leader’s Guide. [Handout]. Austin, TX: Region 8 Service Center.
• Payne, R.K. (2008). Under-resourced learners: 8 strategies to boost student achievement. Highlands, TX: Aha! Process Inc.
• Payne, R.K. (2006). Working with parents: Building relationships for student success. Highlands, TX: Aha! Process Inc.
• Sprick, R., & Garrison, M. (2008). Interventions: Evidence-based behavioral strategies for individual students (2nd ed). Eugene, OR: Pacific Northwest Publishing.