Loss Grief and Growth Education Resource
Workshop for teachers
Developed with sponsorship from:
“Death neither obeys the school
timetable nor appears on it... it
enters the classroom without
knocking.” www.winstonswish.org
The story...
Yves Berthiaume – story of his father dying when he was 12 and the teachers who supported and mentored him
“We need to address the needs of kids” Yves Berthiume
Developed tours of the funeral homes
“The most frequent question from teachers…”
“How do I support grieving
students?”
Written by teachers
for teachers
Loss Grief and Growth honors the relationship between students and teachers.
Teachers are connected with students:
• before, during and after the loss occurs.• when some have forgotten the needs of a
grieving child.
Loss Grief and Growth honors teachers as:
• mentors,• creators of a safe
environment,• communicators
inviting expression of feelings and fears, and
• creative leaders of teachable moments.
Loss Grief and Growth honors
children
“We are powerless to control the losses and catastrophic events our children may experience, but by honouring their inner wisdom, providing mentorship, and creating safe havens for expression, we can empower them to become more capable, more caring human beings.”
Linda Goldman
Introduction
One of the myths of our society is that it is possible to
insulate children from the traumas of loss, death,
bereavement, and grief.
Loss is a part of life….
• Divorce• Moving• Developmental• And out kids are
exposed to death
Types of losses
Death in the family
• grandparents,• parents,• siblings,• pets, • friends …
Death in the media
• News - global community violent/sudden/tragic/terrorist/war/conflict
• Movies, games– fictional/unreal
Death in the school community People• peers • teachers,• support staff• custodial staff• family members
of peers
and school curriculum.
Death in the community“Not only do we grieve as individuals, we
grieve as communities. Our lives are so intertwined that each of us is affected by a death in our community.” Dr. John Morgan
Grief
• is a normal healthy response to loss.
• is a whole person response.
Drawing grief
Grieving• is the process
of integrating the loss into ones life
• and making meaning of life’s experiences.
Grieving
• is not something to “get over”
• is not something that needs to be “fixed”
• New losses can trigger old losses.
• we regrieve at future levels of growth, development, and future life events.
Grieving
Misconceptions about grieving
• There is a right way to grieve
• There are stages of grief
• Grief is/should be time limited– “It is time to get over this”– “When will she “get over” this?”
Factors which influence grieving
The age and stage of development
Family
Social Support System
Personality traits
Gender
Grieving styles
“Intuitive” grieving style…
• The “typical grief response” e.g. crying, talking.
• Sadness is the primary emotion.
• Grief is processed through feelings.
Recognition
• of the loss• the grief and• the griever
“Disenfranchised grief “
“Instrumental” Grieving Style
• Little talk, lots of action..
• Grief is processed cognitively rather than emotionally.
• If expressed, an emotion is more likely to be anger than sadness.
Type and nature of
death
Cause of death
Cultural and Religious
Beliefs
What you might see…
In Elementary and Middle School:
• Children grieve in “doses”.• Grief may be expressed through play.
Children may temporarily regress to a time of safety and
security.
Children may struggle to pay attention or stay focused.
A child’s quality of work may change for better, or worse.
A child may complain of fatigue and illness more often than usual.-> nightmares may be disrupting their sleep.
School attendance may become sporadic.
What you might see in High School…
• An inability to focus or pay attention.•Changes in academic performance.•Complaints of fatigue and illness.•Sporadic school attendance.
• a greater volatility of emotions.
• there may be an increase in risk taking behaviours in grieving teens.
Grief is not “an excuse”,
it may be the hardest work the student has yet faced in life!
Developing an understanding of death
Through the course of developmental stages and life experiences, children begin to grasp the meaning of death.
Death is permanent
“ When is Grandma coming back ?”
All body functions stop
“When someone dies, her body stops working. The heart stops beating, and breathing stops.The brain doesn’t send or receive messages. She no longer can see, hear, touch, taste , smell, eat, play, feel or think. She cannot move.”When Dinosaurs Die by Brown &Brown
Cause of death
Young children may engage in “Magical Thinking”.
“She died
because I was mad at her”
All living things eventually die
Between the ages of 7 to 12,
most children are beginning to
grasp each of the key components
of death
Responding to students…
Teachers can:
Teachers can help students grow from loss by encouraging their
understanding: • that people
grieve in their own ways.
• that help is available and that it is okay to ask for help.
Teachers can encourage students to grow from loss by helping in the
development of:
• clear language and vocabulary to name their feelings .
• healthy ways to express feelings.
• sensitivity to the needs of others.
Saying and doing the “right thing”
• You do not need to be and you can not be “prepared with the right thing to say”
• There is NO right thing to say.
General Guidelines
Be a good observer • Know the signs of grief for the age and
gender of your students.
Be a good listener
Listen:• for content.• for “in-between the
lines” messages.• and look for non-
verbal clues.
Be flexible
Develop accommodations to address :
• Severe fatigue.• Inattention.• Confusion.• An inability to
focus.
Be available
Above all…be patient• Grief always takes longer than expected.
Be aware of your own feelings
Be honest
• Be a companion, not an expert.
• You don’t have to have all the answers.
Considering the guidelines
Great responses may include:– Silence– “I don’t know”– “How can I be helpful?”– Reflect on the previous slides of general
guidelines
Be willing• To be sad
– Music– Movies
• To be silly– Music– Cards
• To be creative– Stories– Music– Games
• To connect
Be aware of cultural diversityYou might want to explore:• How do people in this cultural community
demonstrate feelings of grief?• What things will people in this community be
doing to support the family now and in the days /weeks/months ahead?
• How do we best offer our support to the family/the student?
• Is it appropriate to: send flowers/letters, visit the home, attend the funeral…
You do not need to be a specialist to offer support
• Grieving students do not usually require services of a specialist.
• There is great value in the social support offered by the school community.
“Critical Incident Response Teams”
• Mentor teachers to support students– “After we responded to a few incidents this
school, the teachers were more confident in addressing the needs of the students themselves – we became a helpful presence rather than doing it all”
Indicators of need for additional support
• Persistent denial of the death • Physically assaulting others • Persistent anger towards everyone • Pervasive depression/isolation • Prolonged feelings of guilt/responsibility
for death • Excessive misbehavior • Persistent lack of interest in any activity • Drug/alcohol use
Activity
• Choose a grade• Read the introduction• Choose one “TASK”• Choose one “Teachable Moment”
Your support of a grieving student will change their life!
Resources
Acknowledgements
…to all educators who provided advice and direction throughout the past decade!
…to the grieving students who allowed us to share their journey…..
…and especially:
www.curriculum.org
Accessing the document