Download pdf - How to Write Winning Essays (for international students writing admission essays & personal statements for American college applications)

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How To Write Winning Essays

(for international students writing admission essays & personal statements

for American college applications)

Written by Philip Hy


How To Write Winning Essays

Expert Advice & Clear Examples

(for Advanced Learners)

---------------

Table of Contents

How to Use This Book

Introduction

What Admissions Officers Are Looking For (and NOT Looking For)

The Basic Structure of an Essay

How to Choose a Topic

How to Use Surprise

Power Words

Vivid Imagery

Keeping Your Essay Optimistic

How Long Should My Essay Be?

“I’m worried about my grammar. What should I do?”

How to Explain Bad Scores or Grades

Using Your Writing Skills In School and Work

Bringing It All Together


How To Use This Book

I would strongly encourage readers of this book to continuously take notes:

- Clearly mark which sections best apply to you and then incorporate the advice into

your writing.

- Frequently compare the sample essays in this book with your own essays (and your

friends’) and find the differences in word choice, structure, tone, emotion, and imagery.

The best way to improve is to appreciate the work of those who have succeeded. You

should practice doing what admissions officers do all the time: read different students’

essays and then choose the best ones.

- In your day-to-day life, if you discover a new “power word”, make a list and keep

adding to this list (“Power words” will be explained and discussed later)


Introduction

As the English editor for a translation and language company in China, one of the most

common tasks I am asked to do is to edit essays for students who are either already in

school or are planning to apply to universities abroad. In the countless essays that I have

written and edited on behalf of my clients, the tools and tips that I use everyday are

summarized in this book. The concepts that I present here are not complicated, but if not

fully understood, can hurt more than they help. Thus, the key to learning these concepts

is examples….lots of examples.

What Admissions Officers Are Looking For (and NOT Looking For)

At highly selective universities, all applicants will be high-performing students who

have good scores and grades, and are willing to work hard. For good schools, it is easy to

find these types of students, so it is not very useful when students use their essays to

emphasize their high scores. What is difficult for schools to find is an excellent student

who:

1.) has a compelling life story, an active life outside of the classroom

2.) shows creativity,

3.) shows an ability to overcome obstacles / hardships (i.e. poverty, disability, language,

discrimination, bad luck, etc.)

4.) will make the student body more interesting and diverse, and

5.) shows some evidence or potential that the student will become a successful person


after they graduate, and will give honor to the university.

When you are applying to schools abroad, not only are you competing with native

English-speaking students, you are also competing with students applying from India,

Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, the Middle East, Latin America and many other regions!

However, do not be scared! The goal of this book is to give you a distinct advantage:

creative writing. Creative writing is what admissions officers are looking for, and there

are several reasons for this. First, many schools will not have the chance to have a face-

to-face interview with you, so how will they be able to understand your personality, your

goals, and your character? Through your essay of course! Again and again, this book will

emphasize that your personal statement or statement of purpose is your one and only

chance to impress the admissions office, to show them that you deserve to be admitted,

and to explain how you are unique.

Secondly, because you should assume that all the university’s applicants are good

students with high scores, do not waste your time or the reader’s time with an essay that

only mentions obvious things, like your academic performance. Instead, show the school

that you have an active life outside of school. These things outside of school can be

sports, music, hobbies, important events, challenges, obstacles, travel, family, friends,

etc.

Although I give students these tips on creative writing and tell them what to avoid,

many students have a hard time believing they are allowed to write so freely. Many

students insist on writing about being in the Top 5 in their class, how they were elected

president of XYZ Club, or how they won ABC Award. Universities, especially good


universities, know that creative writing is difficult….and that is exactly why they ask you

to do it. It is a great way to separate those who can only succeed in the classroom, from

those who can succeed in class and in the world after graduation. One last time: Do not

write about your awards, scores, positions, or how much you enjoy studying hard (unless

it has something to do with a very interesting story in your life).

Because the rest of the application is just numbers that can be quantified and sorted, the

writing portion of the essay is the one of the very few areas where the student has a real

chance to persuade the admissions staff that they fulfill all the criteria they are looking

for. The admissions staff does not read essays by themselves, in fact the staff sit together

in a big conference room and when one staff member has an application they like, they

will try to explain your story to everyone in the room. If your writing is compelling, the

admissions staff may accept you even though other students may have higher test scores!

According to an interview with one of Harvard’s former Director of Admissions, a large

majority of their 30,000 applicants are qualified to be admitted (high scores and grades),

but only 7% are actually accepted. If that is true, how do schools choose between these

great students? Essays, interviews, and activities outside of school. Most students are not

applying to Harvard, and probably do not care about Harvard, but this anecdote teaches

us a great lesson: your grades and tests are in the past and there is nothing you can do to

change them, so do not waste your time talking about them.

The Basic Structure Of An Essay

As you will see later in this book, one of the most challenging aspects of writing a

personal statement is how to choose a topic. Because you have so much freedom to


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