Genuine ListeningGenuine Listening
by:by:
ELIZABETH LUMAYAG-CODILLAELIZABETH LUMAYAG-CODILLA
3 Steps to Effective 3 Steps to Effective Relationships:Relationships:
1.Self Awareness (Sariling 1.Self Awareness (Sariling Kamalayan)Kamalayan)
2. Genuine Listening (Tutuong 2. Genuine Listening (Tutuong Pakikinig)Pakikinig)
(3. Peaceful Assertiveness(3. Peaceful Assertiveness(Mapayapang Pag-aaserto) (Mapayapang Pag-aaserto)
Genuine Listening (GL) could Genuine Listening (GL) could also be termed as also be termed as ACTIVE ACTIVE LISTENINGLISTENING, , REFLECTIVE REFLECTIVE
LISTENINGLISTENING and and EMPHATIC EMPHATIC LISTENINGLISTENING
Why Listen?Why Listen?1. to obtain information1. to obtain information
2. to understand 2. to understand 3.for enjoyment 3.for enjoyment
Applicability or UtilityApplicability or UtilityPeaceful Approaches:Peaceful Approaches:Dialogue, mediation, Dialogue, mediation,
negotiation, even in ordinary negotiation, even in ordinary conversation discussion and conversation discussion and
during meetings. during meetings.
One of the reasons why we One of the reasons why we listen is to UNDERSTANDlisten is to UNDERSTAND Native American Proverb: Native American Proverb:
“Seek first to understand and be “Seek first to understand and be understood”understood”
“Listen or thy tongue will make “Listen or thy tongue will make you deaf”you deaf”
Why? The deepest need for Why? The deepest need for every person is to be every person is to be
understood.understood.
Genuine Listening means you Genuine Listening means you should listen with your eyes, hearts should listen with your eyes, hearts
and ears.and ears.
• 7% of communication is contained from words we use;(so your ears are not enough)
• 53% of our communication comes from body language;
• 40% from the tone we project
Genuine Listening meansGenuine Listening means
• not just hearing the words spoken but/learn their meanings or understanding the total meaning of the message sent.
• not only involves cutting of the thoughts in our mind and focusing on the person,but it involves not interrupting them while they are talking.
Factors Affecting ListeningFactors Affecting Listening
• Speaker• Subject Complexity• The active Listener-the center• Presentation• Environment
3 Common Communication Blocks3 Common Communication Blocks
• We listen for what needs fixing, changing or figuring out.
• We listen for opportunities to share our own wisdom, knowledge and competence.
• We assume that we know what words and sentences are coming next.
Important Elements in GL:Important Elements in GL:
• Attentiveness • Show that you are listening• Provide feedback• Defer judgment• Respond appropriately
Description of a Genuine Listener Description of a Genuine Listener (Burley -Allen)(Burley -Allen)
• Acknowledges the speaker-invites the communication to continue
• Increase the speaker’s self-esteem and confidence
• Tell the speaker, “you are important” and “I am not judging you”
• Gain the speaker’s cooperation• Reduces stress and tension
Description of a Genuine Description of a Genuine ListenerListener
• Build teamwork• Gain trust• Elicit openness• Gain a sharing of ideas and thoughts, and• Obtain more valid information about the
speaker and the subject
Helpful Behavior of a Listener and Helpful Behavior of a Listener and its Effect to the Speakerits Effect to the Speaker
Behavior Effect1. Asks questions Feels happy2. Clarifies Gagaan and feeling3. Eye to eye contact Feels thankful4. Mirrors facial
expression Opens up5. Leans towards the
speaker Inspired
6. Affirms Feels respected7. Touches when Feels calm appropriate
and comfortable
8. Eyes show emotional reaction Feels increase self- confidence
9. Repeats some words toclarify Feels loved
10. Shows concerns inwords and gestures increases self-confidence
11. Shows focused Feels coolexpression
12. Wait for the speaker to finish before reacting feeling gimahal
Non-helpful Behavior and Non-helpful Behavior and EffectsEffects
• Interrupts -Feels challenged• Laughs inappropriately -Feels insulted• Makes fun or magbiay- biay - feel sad/insulted• Eyes looking elsewhere -feels problem is
greater• Tataas and kilay -feels uninspired• Walks away -feels not respected• Does something else -feels frustrated• Fakes listening -loses interest to talk/ -will stop talking
says words to stop says words to stop the speakerthe speaker -feels something -feels something
-wrong -wrong with selfwith self
yawningyawning -closes up-closes upBlank faceBlank face -loses interest to talk-loses interest to talkAsks Asks as if not as if not interestedinterested -feel sad/feel not-feel sad/feel not
importantimportantshows irritation orshows irritation orangeranger -feels angry also/-feels angry also/
challenged/sadchallenged/sad
Skills of a Genuine Listener (Center Skills of a Genuine Listener (Center for Rural Studies)for Rural Studies)
• Attending, acknowledging• Restating, paraphrasing• Reflecting • Interpreting• Summarizing, synthesizing
Skills of a Genuine Listener (Cont.)Skills of a Genuine Listener (Cont.)
• Checking perception • supporting• Being quiet• Giving feedback• Probing
Benefits of Genuine ListeningBenefits of Genuine Listening
• Builds trust and respect• Enables disputants to release their
emotions• Reduces tensions/cooler heads• Encourages the surfacing of emotions• Creates a safe environment that is
conducive to collaborative problem solving• Confidence
Benefits of Genuine ListeningBenefits of Genuine Listening
• Accuracy• Productivity• Listening has a healing effect• Self-worth of a person is reaffirmed• The person feels cared for and loved• Genuine communication is established
Benefits of Genuine ListeningBenefits of Genuine Listening
• Children who really listen to their parents work magic too
• Families that spend time to interact are happy families
• A skill and a foundation to effective communication
• A step to effective relationshipOur journey towards sustainable
peace, requires effective communication and effective relationship as important tools.
Therefore, genuine listening is a Therefore, genuine listening is a gift. The most important gift. The most important
present that we can give to our present that we can give to our spouse, children, friends, spouse, children, friends, relatives, co-workers and relatives, co-workers and
neighbors.neighbors.
THANK YOUTHANK YOU