DevelopingConflict Competence
Craig Runde and Dr. Debra Dupree
The POWER of CONNECTIONS! Connect before you correct…interject! You have 6 minutes to connect in a group of
THREE. Exchange THREE things about each person in 2
minutes per personWhen it comes. to managing conflict with your clients,
what are you good at and what are you not so good at?
What is your biggest challenge when clients become emotionally triggered?
What is YOUR goal, or one takeaway, for attending this program today?
October 2012 2
ACTIVITY
Relationships At Work - Wakeland Housing Corporation
Individual Conflict Competence - the ability to use cognitive, emotional, and behavioral skills that enhance the productive outcomes of conflict while reducing the likelihood of escalation or harm
Organizational Conflict Competence – creating cultures and systems that support use of individual conflict competence
Defining Conflict Competence
Individual Conflict Competence
• Understanding conflict dynamics
• Enhancing self-awareness
• Regulating emotions
• Reflecting on conflict
• Improving behavioral responses to conflict
Understanding how you respond to workplace conflict
Recognizing what triggers conflict for you
Developing an action plan for personal improvement
Enhancing Self-Awareness
Emotional Self-Regulation
◦ Recognition of somatic responses to conflict
◦ Developing a personal plan of regulating emotion during conflict – different approaches
◦ Creating a plan for slowing down when emotions run too high
The Emotional Side of Conflict
Help people understand physical responses to conflict emotions
Standing exercise
Breathing exercise
Somatic Responses
Our Emotional Intelligence
Why people behave the way they do
Understanding DIFFICULT CLIENTS
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Anger Fear
Gladness Shame
Basic Emotions
7 Common Emotional Patterns
1. Guilt2. Taking life too
seriously3. Feeling pressured4. Worrying5. Lack of confidence6. Not saying “no”7. Letting people get
you down
Four Obstacles to Communication
Controlling emotions
Bias / Attitude
Fear Body language
Self Awareness
Social Awareness
Self-Managemen
t
Relationship Managemen
t
March '12OC Mediation Conference 2012
High Conflict Behaviors Rigid &
Uncompromising Difficulty
accepting loss Difficulty healing
from loss Emotions
dominate thinking Inability to reflect
on own behavior
Difficulty empathizing with others
Preoccupied with blaming others
Avoids responsibilityfor the problem or the solution
Depends on others to solve problems
March '12OC Mediation Conference 2012
What drives our BEHAVIOR?
oFear of being wrong…being ignored
oFear of losing…being inferior
oFear of not being liked…being abandoned
oFear of emotional discomfort… being dominated
HIGH CONFLICT FEATURES
• Lack of adaptation
Why they are the way they areHow they contribute to their own problemsOr, how to change
Aaron Beck (1990), Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders
Behavior becomes rigidly patternedSocial impairment evolvesRigid behavior evokes responses from others
that “validate” their inflexible beliefs Efrain Bleiberg (2001), Treating Personality Disorders in Children &
Adolescents
March '12OC Mediation Conference 2012
• Lack of self-awareness
The ICEBERG THEORY
How do we get to this?
Listen for the sounds of the BEACH Relationships At Work, Inc.
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Develop at least one technique for addressing how to regulate emotions in conflict situations in the moment
◦ Attentional Deployment◦ Reappraisal
Build resilience to negative emotions by cultivating positivity
Avoid emotional hangovers…it takes 5 positives to counteract 1 negative
Cool Down - Regulating Emotions
Developing a plan before conflict occurs again that will help you delay responses until emotional balance is regained◦ Coffee break◦ Restroom break◦ Straight forward request◦ Plan for the conversation…deliver with structure
Don’t wait until you are already in a heated conflict – too hard at that point
Slow Down - Delaying Responses
Engage Constructively by Increasing Use of Conflictive Responses
◦ Understand current constructive behaviors tendencies
◦ Generally emphasize development of: reaching out, listening for understanding, perspective taking, expressing thoughts and feelings, and creating and vetting solutions
Improving Behavioral Responses
Reaching Out
Listening for Understanding and Perspective Taking
Expressing Thoughts and Feelings
Creating and Vetting Solutions
Increase Use of Constructive Behaviors in Conflict
The 4-Part Exchange
A Conversation About a Conversation
1) Invite the Other into a Conversation about having a Conversation later. Address The Facts First
2) Explore The Impact / Emotion the situation has on each of you
3) Summarize What Is Important Or Of Value To Those Involved And To The Organization
4) Reaching Agreement on How Do We Move Forward?
What will you commit to doing differently?
What will you continue to do because it’s effective?
What will you stop doing because it doesn’t work or get you where you want to go?
Your Takeaways
Dr. Debra Dupree Craig Runde
Dr. Debra Dupree is President and Founder of Relationships-at-Work, Inc. She provides business mediation and leadership development services to create solutions for the workplace that strengthen performance and increase profitability by reducing conflict. Her focus includes emotional intelligence, leadership development, presentation and persuasion strategies, and performance management. Debra’s clients range from technology to finance, from law to military, and from education to utilities. She works with the up and coming, management-challenged, motivated to achieve, and the CEO desiring to improve influence and profitability. Debra’s 2014 Doctoral Dissertation addressed the Psychology of Good Bosses versus Bad Bosses, looking at the neuroscience of behavior and leadership styles. Her first book, in progress, addresses the physiological aspects of emotional behavior behind every decision-making process. Her articles are featured on Innovative Thought and frequently interviewed on programs through ESPN and Radio Reflections. She is currently affiliated with Brandman University and Ryokan College as an Adjunct Professor and previously taught at National University and California Western School of Law in Dispute Resolution (Negotiation, Mediation & Arbitration).
Craig E. Runde is Director of the Center for Conflict Dynamics. He oversees product development and training programs, and alliances. Craig is the coauthor of Building Conflict Competent Teams (Jossey-Bass, 2008), Developing Your Conflict Competence (Jossey-Bass, 2010), and Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader - Second Edition (Jossey-Bass,2012). He is a frequent speaker and commentator on workplace conflict issues and a member of the editorial board of the Journal of Conflict Management. Before joining Eckerd College, he was the director of the International Center for Computer Enhanced Learning at Wake Forest University. Craig received his B.A. from Harvard University, M.L.L. from the University of Denver, and J.D. from Duke University. He has practiced law in Colorado and has taught at the University of Minnesota Law School and Wake Forest University.