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• Tips for managing emotions• Effective listening and speaking
techniques• Skills for eliciting underlying needs and
interests• A five-step process for resolving conflict• Getting support
Agenda
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• When a new seedling emerges, the first thing that comes up is dirt, then the perfectly formed sprout
• The first stages of a difficult conversation can feel emotionally messy
• The “dirt” signals that something transformative may happen
• Try to be present with the emotion and see it through
“Dirt Precedes the Sprout”
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Conflict is a disagreement between two or more people or groups about something that is important to them.
Conflict
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• Conflict can escalate when there is an increase in emotion (anger, frustration, shame, fear)
• Conflict can de-escalate when emotions are acknowledged and validated
Emotions and Conflict
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• Step back and take three deep breaths• Cool-off from the immediate emotional heat• Reflect on what triggered you• Re-engage when you are calmer and can
see the big picture• Work to de-escalate the situation
Tips for Managing Emotions
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Active Listening Techniques:• Attend• Summarize -Rephrase-Reflect
• Clarify• Validate
Listening So People Can Talk
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• Rephrase (facts): Restate the major ideas that have been expressed
• Reflect (feelings): Describe the emotions you hear from the other person
Summarize
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• Positions are what we say we want, often in the form of demands
• Needs and interests are the why, or the underlying reasons behind what we want
• It’s important to uncover needs and interests, so that what matters most can be addressed
Positions vs. Interests
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• Ask clarifying questions to understand needs and interests
• Use open-ended questions:–Tell me more about…–What would you like to do about…– In what ways are you concerned
about…–How does that impact/affect you?–What about that is important to you?
Clarify
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• Respectfully acknowledge the speaker’s participation in the problem-solving process
• Even if nothing is resolved, express appreciation: “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me and trying to work something out.”
Validate
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• About Non-blaming language• Using “I messages”• Avoiding “poison” words
Speaking So People Can Listen
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1. Cool off
2. Define the problem
3. Find needs
4. Brainstorm solutions
5. Make a plan and go for it
Steps to Resolve a Conflict
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We covered:• Tips for managing emotions• Effective listening and speaking
techniques• Skills for eliciting underlying needs and
interests• A five-step process for resolving conflict• Getting support
Review