BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEF.

PRESENTATIONBY

Adelbert Scholtz [counselling psychologist & retired pastor]

BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEF

1. The tragedy of life2. Symptoms3. Stages4. Support

1. THE TRAGEDYOF LIFE

A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE

• When bereavement and grief is discussed most of us can relate to that

• Almost every adult has lost a loved one and suffered tragedies, other losses and disappointments

THE FALL OF MAN

• Alienation between Creator and man

• Alienation between man and man

• Man is spiritually dead (Eph 2: 1-2)

• Life is, therefore, often a burden and a tragedy

DEATH• A natural and inevitable part of life• Nobody lives forever• An experience never to be repeated and

feared by most people• Always painful for loved ones

REMINDER OF OWN MORTALITY

When a loved one dies you are reminded –o That nothing is

permanento That your own

death is waiting

BROKEN HEARTS

• Relationships often come to an end• Divorce• Love affairs end

sometimes• Result: a broken

heart, trauma, feelings of guilt

TRAGIC LOSSES

• Loss of health (e g cancer, HIV/AIDS &tc)

• Loss of youthfulness• Loss of a job & income• Loss of a limb, organ,

eyesight or hearing

TRAUMA

• Greek: τραυμα (= wound)• Physical and psychological wounds• Both are real• Both can be crippling

PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN

• Grief and bereavement are the result of some or other trauma or psychological wound

• It is always very painful• Although it is invisible, it

is very real

AN OLD SAYING

• We often hear: “Time heals all wounds”

• The trouble with that is…. it takes TIME!

• And LOTS of it!

2. SYMPTOMS

SYMPTOMS

• Usually sadness and depression• Often anxiety• Bereavement as such is

not a psychological disorder

ICD-10: F32 Depressive Episode (1)

In typical mild, moderate, or severe depressive episodes, the patient suffers from lowering of mood, reduction of energy, and decrease in activity. Capacity for enjoyment, interest, and concentration is reduced, and marked tiredness after even minimum effort is common. Sleep is usually disturbed and appetite diminished. Self-esteem and self-confidence are almost always reduced and, even in the mild form, some ideas of guilt or worthlessness are often present.

ICD-10: F32 Depressive Episode (2)The lowered mood varies little from day to day, is unresponsive to circumstances and may be accompanied by so-called "somatic" symptoms, such as loss of interest and pleasurable feelings, waking in the morning several hours before the usual time, depression worst in the morning, marked psychomotor retardation, agitation, loss of appetite, weight loss, and loss of libido. Depending upon the number and severity of the symptoms, a depressive episode may be specified as mild, moderate or severe.

MOST IMPORTANT SYMPTOMS

• An inability to enjoy anything• Lack of energy, tiredness• Tearfulness• Pessimism & hopelessness• Sleeping disorders• Decreased appetite & weight

loss• Unrealistic feelings of guilt• Suicidal tendencies

DEPRESSION AS REACTION• Depression – a reaction to some

or other disaster or serious loss, e g death of a beloved one, loss of income, loss of health or cessation of an important relationship

• Nobody can stay untouched in these circumstances

• Depression is a normal reaction after such a blow or loss

AGGREVATING FACTORS

• Social isolation• Inadequate diet• Weak self-image• Pessimism• Chronic pain & bad health• Dependency on alcohol & other drugs

3. STAGES IN THE PROCESS

STAGES

Stages in the mourning process:• Disbelief• Anger• Feelings of guilt• Negotiation• Acceptance(As identified by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross)

DISBELIEF

• Cannot believe news• “This cannot happen

to me!”• All expectations and

plans about the future are wiped out

ANGER

• Angry towards those who may be responsible for loss

• Angry towards the world in general• Angry towards God• “Why me!!!?”

FEELINGS OF GUILT

• Remorse about lost chances

• Guilt about wrongs committed (is this loss a punishment for past wrongs?)

• Could loss have been prevented?

• Result of fall of man

NEGOTIATION

• Try to negotiate with God or humanity in general

• Promises

ACCEPTANCE• Last stage• Accepts the inevitable• Make peace with irreversible situation

DURATION• Mourning the loss of a spouse or child: at

least a year• Other losses: usually less• If grief does not clear it may become

pathological

4. SUPPORT

THE FUNERAL

• Much has to be organised• Many volunteers• Big expenses• Those left behind often in

a haze or drugged

AFTER THE FUNERAL

• Loneliness sets in• Administration of the estate • Those left behind are often

helpless• Life cannot go on as normal –

too many adjustments• Support most needed at this

stage

ROLE OF FRIENDS & FAMILY

• No magic wand available• Wounds take time to heal• Listen with empathy• Allow tears to flow• Be available• Supervise meals• Help with exercise

MOURNINGThose left behind have an urgent need to mourn the deceased by –

• Crying• Talking about the deceased• Celebrating his/her life• Completing tasks left

uncompleted• Complying with his/her last wishes

So – don’t get drugged!

MOURNING

After a catastrophy or other loss –• The person also goes into mourning• Cannot easily adjust to new life

SUPPORT WHEN A CHILD DIESDon’t tell the grieving parents –• that you know exactly how they feel• that the child is now in a better place• that they may have other

children• that God picks the most beautiful

flowersJust be there for them and

allow them to cry and talk about their child

SUPPORT WHEN A CHILD DIES

If there are other children in the grieving family they also need – • To mourn• Support• To talk about their sibling

MEDICATIONAntidepressants – • Meant to increase the supply

of serotonin to the brain• Ineffective in many cases• Often unpleasant side-effects• Don’t solve any problems• Interfere with mourning

process and prolong the suffering

SLEEPING PILLS• It is necessary to get enough quality sleep• Sleeping pills are highly

addictive• Pills don’t provide

quality sleep – only induce a stupor

• Use only in an emergency

DREAMS• Mourning person often dreams of the

deceased or loss• Dreams: coping mechanism of brain• Drugs and sleeping pills interfere with

dreaming

SUPPORT GROUPS

• Get to know new friends in similar circumstances

• Safe environment to express grief

• Gain knowledge and insight

• Social support

YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE

• Don’t neglect your spiritual life

• Pray & meditate • What are your goals in

life? • What are your values?• You may fight and

argue with God – as Jacob did (Gen 32)

NUTRITION & DIET• Eat lots of fresh veggies & fruit• Get enough fibre in your diet• Supplement with vitamins, minerals

& omega-3 fatty acids

• Drugs: NO!

EXERCISE• Your body is designed for movement• Exercise produces endorphins – potent

pain killers and enhancers of mood

• Helps with relaxation & sleep

• Good for your overall health

AN OLD SAYING

• We often hear: “Time heals all wounds”

• The trouble with that is…. it takes TIME!

• And LOTS of it!• BUT – most wounds

WILL heal, given time

HEALING OF SEVERE TRAUMA

• When trauma is severe and symptoms persist, then professional help is called for

• Treatment: hypnosis, EMDR, EFT, CBT &tc