----guess----

Prabbal Frank

Start liking people. Everyone has something to share, tell or teach. Listen to them and respond to what they say and how they feel.

• Go-ahead spirit, a contagious enthusiasm and a positive outlook. • Always carry enough visiting cards.• Prepare 5 current issues, anecdotes, jokes and general quotations.

Know your audienceBefore you go anywhere, think about what you have common with the people attending the event.

Be approachable Be pleasant and have a smile on your face when you go to speak to someone you don't know. The more approachable you seem, the more inclined the person will be to talk to you.

The first few seconds are terribly critical as you do not get a second chance to have a positive first impression.

Ask them easy questions Keep the tough stuff until later• Easy topics are: weather, news,

family, history, work, holidays, hobbies and sports.

• Avoid potentially contentious topics.• Examples:

– Isn't it a great day? Did you get out in the sunshine, today?– Did you hear about the accident down town? Isn't it awful?– Do you have a brother called Joe?

Ask them about themselves A very powerful technique• Ask their name, compliment about

appearance, ask about their family, occupation, career plans, hobbies, interest. Show interest.

• If you sense uncomfortability back off. • Example

– You look thoughtful. What's up?– What are you going to do this weekend?– I do like your dress -- where did you get it?

Check your list Be ready to ask and answer• Prepare a list of general and technical

topics and keep them with you.

• Example: – Boy dating: concert next month, her family, dance the

salsa– Sales person: things to ask customers

Use environmental triggers Look for ideas around you• Look around: architecture, plants,

music, dress worn by people, food.

• Example– Look at that woman over there! I've

never seen such a weird dress!!– That's Aquarius up there. What's your star sign? Perhaps I can

find it in the heavens for you.

Get to the point Sometimes niceties are not nice• Business conversations esp. with busy seniors,

little time, other person has something specific • Danger that you might misread and offend.• Example

– A child interrupts it's mother just as the doorbell goes and whilst she is on the phone, asking permission to go out with friends. The mother quickly agrees.

– A sales person, seeing a busy professional buyer, asks just enough business-focused questions to understand the buying context before getting to more serious sales talk.

GreetingGet the formal start done well• Look them in the eye (x stare)

• Smile (genuinely)• Project confidence• Say their name• Namaste, hi, kiss etc.• Shake hands (firm)• Introduce your self

Introduce yourselfTell them a bit about you• Mention your name, occupation, family or hobbies. • Add something brave or daring you might have done. • Sales: add description of what you can do for the other person. • Do not tell too much about yourself at once. • Example

– Hello. I'm Prabbal Frank, your union representative. I can help you with any employment issues you have.

– Oh, I'm no good with computers. It's good to meet someone who knows what they are talking about.

• Be an initiator and an introducer

• 7 – 10 sec long (else – speech) and generates curiosity.

• Deliver with energy and enthusiasm. Sync your tone with body language

• Have a firm handshake

• Give your business card, “Here’s my card.”

• Party in progress– Avoid two people – Approach single or

group - Stand in the periphery and nod occasionally

Say something wrong So they can correct you• Say some simple factual error so that they can easily

correct you and take the position of an expert. When they correct you, thank them and be impressed else let them persuade you about the correctness.

• Example– Prakrima isa German band, I hear.– Now I've been told you are from New Delhi, is that right?

Script the startWrite out the first few words beforehand• Write out a script for important events and

memorize it to prevent faltering in situations which make you nervous.

• Example– A sales person practices her pitch in front of the mirror.– A boy who gets nervous with girls writes out a number of chat-

up lines and learns to deliver them with wit and aplomb.– A person who is being given an award scripts the first part of the

thank you and practices it with a friend.

Shock and awe Surprise them with something different

• Do or say something surprising (nor terrifying) to create awe and wonder. Surprise happens when you break expectations (and meditation too – ZEN)

• Example– Have you ever tried fighting a crocodile? It's not easy, I can tell

you.– (shouting) Good heavens! You are the most beautiful person I

have seen!!

Wit and wisdomAmaze them with your wit• Open the conversation with some witty or cogent

remark that is designed to amaze, annoy or otherwise trigger an interesting discussion (esp. if you can affort to let out a few in a group).

• Example– I wonder how people have time to come to these things. Anyone here

must be a complete layabout, wouldn't you say?– My dog wanted to come tonight, but he didn't have a suitable tie.– If I were you, I would be careful about being seen with someone like

me.

Oscar Wilde• It is very sad to see that nowadays

there is so little useless information around.

• The only thing worse in the world than being talked about is not being talked about.

• The husbands of very beautiful women often belong to the criminal classes.

• A man can be happy with any woman, so long as he does not love her.

SUSTAINING CONVERSATIONS

Respond Reveal Contribute

If you do not like the dress or the accent etc.

Listen Intelligently• Be mentally present• Read between the lines

(not said)• Note the voice

inflections and body language

• Ask questions• Express

enthusiasm

Listen Intelligently

Listen Intelligently

How observant you are?

Talk Eloquently• Maintain an appropriate

volume.• Use words of a sensory nature.

These are words such as "see", "imagine", "feel", "tell", "sense", etc., in order to encourage the other person to keep painting a descriptive picture as part of their conversation.

• Accept criticism

Mind Your Body language

• Maintain appropriate distance

• Avoid touching while talking

• Nod while you listen

Ask Questions

• Which highlight their expertise. • Don’t ask questions which are personal in

nature.• Ask open ended questions.

– begin with: Who? When? What? Why? Where? and How? "What sort of books do you like?", "What did you study at university?", "Which is your favorite season? Why?", "What are you doing right now?", "Where's your usual watering hole?”

– Closed questions (are you? do you? have you?) "Do you like books?", "Have you been to university?", "Is spring your favorite season?", "Am I intruding?" "Do you come here often?”

Specific techniques to keep the conversation interesting and lively such that the other person does not want to leave!

Ask their opinionOn any topic• Ask what should be done reg. – work,

home, locally, nationally or what will happen next or what do they think about a person. Then listen. (Makes him an expert)

• Example– If you were the President, what would you do about education?– We're going out tonight -- what restaurant would you recommend?– How has Aarti been performing? Do you think she is ready for

promotion?

Concern for the personEmpathy always works• Enquire about their career, health

and happiness and offer them ideas to improve.

• Example– Hello, Jane. I was worried about you last week. Were you ill?– Perhaps you should take a few days off to think things over. What do

you think?

Interest in the personAsk about their lives• Ask about past events and boost their

belongingness and esteem. • Example– So what did you get up to at the weekend, Gaurav?– Which train do you catch? What do you think of the

service?

LinkingConnect what is said to other things• (hyper) Link what is being said to other

things you are interested in, things already said, to the goals, current events etc.

• Example– You mentioned diamonds before -- I've got a friend in the

business who can get discounts -- would you like me to put you in touch with her?

– You seem to be ahead of the times -- we are just doing early work on this.

Plans for the futureTalk about what will or might happen

• Talk about the next vacation, the next course, the next weekend, the next assignment etc.

• Example– I remember you said you really enjoyed skiing

last year. Are you going again this year?– I'm really looking forward to this weekend -- we're going

walking in the mountains.– Now that you've been promoted, what are you going to do with

the department?

Progressive disclosureTell a bit about yourself at a time• Start will simple facts and add on to include religion,

political views, likes etc. Do not overload them or 'dump' your emotional problems on them when they are not ready or willing to listen to such issues.

• Example– ...Hi, my name's Jan. ... – ...I've been here for five years. When did you start? ... – ...I don't like on the food there ... – ...I'm having an operation next week ...

Tell storiesUse the power of the storyteller• Stories are like movies, they bring fresh life for

your audience. Be an actor. Synchronize your movements, expressions and voice.

• Example– My brother tried that too and, well, it was so funny, he

thought he could ... ... and then she pushed him back in the pool, turned around and walked away without a word!

– I heard a very sad story on the news last night about a couple who…

J K Rowling

Topical eventsTalk about news and recent events• Discuss something which has been announced and is going

to happen. Speculate. • Example

– Did you hear about the fire down town? It was right over the road from the fire station, but apparently they still took five minutes to get there...

– I just heard that CEO is coming to the office next week. Last time he came he fired five people. Do you know why he would want to visit us?

Topic listBuild yourself a bag of interesting topics

• Develop your own list of things to talk about with other people.

• Keep a notepad with you and listen to otherpeople's conversations. Make notes about good topics of conversation. Make particular notes about the opening words.

SUMMARY

CLOSING CONVERSATIONS

To interrupt and walk away from somebody might make you wonder if they will think badly of you for this terrible social act. If you do it well, you will only leave them with a warm glow.

Be negativeBe generally negative• Be pessimistic and see only the bad

side of things. Grumble about how things are not going well for you. Tell them about your illnesses.

• Example– Oh God. My back hurts. You can't

begin to know how uncomfortable it is. You know I had to fix the roof guttering last week because I can't afford to employ someone, and it all just got so much worse.

Body pointingPointing your body away from the other person• Send subconscious

signals through your body by turning your body towards another person or towards the door/exit.

Caught short Say you need to go to the toilet• You can signal this by twitching subtly

beforehand. Look slightly embarrassed to be asking to be excused and they will hurry to give you 'permission'.

• Example– Er..sorry, I need to go to the toilet.– Back in a mo. Just going to point Percy at the porcelain!

Closed questionsCreate short answers• Open questions lead to long answers, whilst closed

questions lead to short answers, typically one word, such as 'yes' and 'no'.

• Example– That's an interesting thought. Are you ready now?– So, you want to go to France this summer, is that right?– Do you know what you want now?

Declare completion Say that the conversation is ended• Asserting completion can be an effective

method of completion, especially when you are in position of seniority.

• Example– I think that's about it. I've nothing more to say about that.– Are we done?– That's enough about sausages for now.

Excuse yourself Just excuse yourself and leave• This does not have to be valid or

even particularly sensible.• Example– Excuse me, but I have to go now.– I have to get off now. Is that ok?– I must leave because I have to go now.

Feign ignorance Be unable to answer their questions

• Pretend you now little or nothing about the subject. Useful when people are seeking info from you.

• Example– Sorry, but I know nothing about that.– I'd love to help, but that's not my area of expertise.– Sorry, but I don't understand what you are talking about.

Introduce a friendSo you can excuse yourself• Example

– Jim, what do you think about this?

– Let's go and talk with Celia over there. She's very interested in these things.

– Sorry to trouble you but we're rather stuck here. Do you happen to know….

Out of time Have another appointment• Show your concern for time by looking at your

watch. You can also tell at the start of theconversation that you only have a little time.

• Example– I can only spend a couple of minutes on this as

I need to catch Jim before he goes.– Sorry, I have to go to catch a train.– Goodness, is that the time! I promised my wife I'd be home before six.– Will this be quick? I've a meeting at ten.

Phone callsUse the phone to call you away• Pre-arrange a number of minutes into

the conversation, at which they call you. You can then decide whether to stay or be called away.

• Example– Sorry, this looks important. Can I take this

call?– Do excuse me, I have to call home.– Yes...yes...oh dear. Excuse me, there's a

panic on in the computer system. I have…

ProcrastinatingPutting discussion off to another time

• Putting things off is not the same as refusing to ever talk about something.

• Example– Can we talk about this another time?– I'm not really in the mood now -- let's discuss it tomorrow.– This needs quality time, which we don't have now. Can you

check my diary and book a meeting.– I'm going to have to put this off until next month.

Short answers That give no reason to extend• Keep what you say closely related to what was

said before -- you do not want to open up new areas of discussion for the other person.

• Example– Yes, I can see what you mean.– I'm not sure. I'll have to think about it.– I like that. I'll tell Terry.

Slow downDe-accelerate to a standstill• First, when you slow down, you

may slow the other person too. Like slowing down when your are running, slowing the conversation can lead to a complete standstill.

• Example– Hmm. That's interesting. Mmm. I need to think about that,

I think.– That's about it. Weeell. Noowww. Mmmmm.

Spot a friendWave to a friend and go to see them• Suddenly notice another person across the room. Wave at

them, then excuse yourself to go and see them. You do not need to actually have a friend there, although of course it does help.

• Example– Good heavens, is that George -- excuse me, I haven't seen old George

in donkey's years. I must go and see him. Terribly sorry and all that.– Excuse me, I've just seen my wife arrive. Would you mind if I go and

talk with her?– Sophie! Hi! Excuse me -- I must catch her before she leaves.

SummarizeDescribe the essence of what has been said• Often more appropriate in work or other

relatively formal situations.• Example

– So, you want to go to the movies tonight, but James does not want to go out with you. Is that right?

– Can I check what we have agreed? I am going to talk with Margaret about your problems with the way she is treating you. I'll catch her tomorrow some time. I'll then get back to you on Tuesday. Is that ok for you?

SUMMARY

-----guess-----

Prabbal Frank

“Despite popular beliefs to the contrary, the single greatest barrier to business success is the one erected by culture."Edward T. Hall and Mildred Reed HallHidden Differences: Doing Business with the Japanese

Lawrence Girard

• Understand Cultural Diversity• Developing Awareness of Individual Cultures

– Japan: cards; UK: time; Punjab: Hospitality (Grover - Tea)– Kissing a business associate is not considered an appropriate

business practice in the U.S., but in Paris, one peck on each cheek is an acceptable greeting.

– The handshake that is widely accepted in the U.S. is not recognized in all other cultures.

• Demand Tolerance – Open mindedness, acceptance

• Keep it simple and avoid humour

5 styles to deal with conflict

Robert Maddux