6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

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8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt

BriannaWiest

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6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

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TherearemanythingsIatonepointconvincedmyselfwerelove,andtheyusuallywerenttheclichs,likecodependency,orlust,ortheideaofsomethingovertherealityofit.Itwasmoreoftenthingsthatwereabitmoreabstract,andalotmoreconvincing:thepersonwhofitthechecklistperfectly,thepersonwhogavemeageneralfeelingoflovemetbyanequalsenseofuncertainty,friendship,need,rebound.

6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 3/8

FinallyfindingtheloveIhadforsolongbeenseekingwasntahormonefueledimplosion.Itwasagentleawakening,asimplerealization.Itdidntmakemerash,itmademegrounded.Itdidntmakemewanttoplanforever,butbecompletelypresent.ItwasbetterthanIevercouldhavefathomed,andyetnothingIdeverexpect.Here,allthethingsthatsurprisedmeabout(real,live,easy,beautiful)love:

1.Thefeelingismorecompletepeacethanitisunbridledpassion.

Thatkindofpassionhasitstimeandplacebutitsnotlove.Itssex.Orexpectation.Oranidea.Orattraction.Loveispeacefulness,whichissomethingIdidntunderstandbefore(andIdontthinkmanypeopledo.)Itsnotarush,itsarest.Itsagrounded,aware,mindful,intentional,beautifulpeacefulness,anditextendstoeveryiotaofyourbeing.Itdoesntinduceamanic,overlyemotionalfieldday,itmakesyouconscious,calm,gratefulandpresent.

2.ItmadethethingsIstruggledwithclearer,andthethingsIlovedbetter.

Itwasasthoughagreatamplifyingfilterwasputoneveryaspectofmylife.Thethingsthatwereunhealedcamejuttinguptothesurface.ThethingsIlovedaboutmyselfandmyworkandmyhomeandwhateverelsebecameathousandtimessweeter.Moresacred,even,asIwantedtosharethemwithsomeoneelse,andyetatthesametime,keepthemwhollymyowntoo.

3.ItgrewwhenIletitbeasitwas,notwhenItriedtomakesenseofit.MybraincouldntactualizewhatitwasIwasfeeling,andoften,tryingtodosocheapeneditaltogether.Loveisnotamindgame.Youdontfigureoutwhetherornotyoulovesomeone.Youcanplasterpoeticwordsandpromisesandblearyeyedjoytoitallyouwant,butultimately,thosearejustthingsthatattempttodefineit,tomakesenseofit,thoughlogicalissomethingitwillneverbe.IcouldwritealistofathousandthingsIloveaboutthepersonIdo,butnoneofthemwouldbewhyIlovehim.Itjustis.Ijustdo.

4.IidentifieditbythewayIwasactingandhowmywholelifewasshifting,notbythedegreeofemotionalintensityIexperienced,oralongenoughlistofreasonsthatwouldconfirmIwas,indeed,inlove.

Whenwedlaytogether,especiallyatthebeginning,Idfallasleepin(literally)1030seconds.Itwasajokebetweenus,butultimatelywastheresultoffeelingsoatpeace,socomfortable,socompletelyrelaxedsimplybeinginhispresence.Thereareafewotherinstanceswhichcausedmetobelikeoh,IguessIminlove???buttospareyouanymoreofthegagfactor,take

6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 4/8

mywordforit:mysoulknewbeforemyminddid.IactedonitbeforeIrealizedit.IknewitbeforeIcouldidentifyit.

5.ItmadememoreofwhoIam,notless.

Ivealwaysbeenonetoeversoslightlylosemyselfinrelationships.Iobviouslywouldntbeconsciousofitwhileitwashappening,butinretrospect,mylifebecameaboutus.Findingreallovemademeevenmorefiercelydesiremydreamsandgoals.Nottoprovemyselfworthy,buttohavemyownexperiences,tonotlosewhoIwasinwhoIwantustobe.

6.Thepathtofindingitwas,actually,lovingmyselffirst.

Deargod,theultimateclichwastrue.Sotrueitmakesmyeyesrollintoanotherdimension.Itwastheliteral,actualpath.Basically:Iwrotesomethingverypersonalandpublisheditandhereaditandwaslikewow,Iloveyousohegavemehisfavoritebookwhichbecamemyfavoritebookbeforewewereeverathingandthenwedidntsomuchfallinloveaswerealizedwealwayswere,buttheprocessofactualizingitwasmegettingthecouragetobevulnerableandhonest.Notforhim.Forme.

7.Imnotthatworriedaboutforever.Wehaveplans,wehavedreamsandhopesandwereallbutputtingtogetherPinterestboardswithalltheinteriordecoratingwewanttodo,soIdontwanttogiveyoutheimpressionthatwedontconsiderafuture.ButwhatIdowanttosayisthatIdontreallythinkaboutit,orcareaboutit,likeIusedto.Irealizethat,forme,apromiseofforeveressentiallymeantthatIwassafeenoughtoletmyselflovesomeone.Ifeelthatsafetynow.Nobodycanrealisticallypromiseforever.Youneverknowwhatwillhappen.Buttodayismorethanenough.TodayisallthatIcareabout.TodayisalltheforeverIneed.RightnowistheonlyplaceIwanttobe.Itsnotapromiseoranideaorahope,butabeautifulreality,oneIchoosenottomissforasecondofplanningforasomedaythatmaybeoutofourhandsregardless.

8.Itseffortless.

Lifeishard.Circumstancesarehard.(Orreally,theyreashardasyoudecideforthemtobe.Youchoosewhetheryouseeroadblocksortrafficsignals,ifyougetwhatImean).Dealingwithyourinnerdemons,especiallyinthecontextofsomeonewhobringsthemup,ishard.Reconcilingwhoyouwereandbecomingwhoyouareishard.Everythingthatstandsinthewayofloveishard.Buttheloveitselfisnt.Iddonesomuchintenseselfworkthatbythetimeiteventuallyrolledaround,afairlysignificantamountofthatshitwasalreadygone.TherewasaneffortlessnessthatwaspossiblebecauseIgotridofthethings

thatwerepreventingit.ItwasntsomethingIhadtotryforthis,butreallyjustallow.

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6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

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6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

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MandieSanders 2hoursagoIdon'tnormallyexpectmuchfromThoughtCatalog,butthiswasthebestdescriptionofrealloveI'veeverread.Thethingis,youdon'treallygetituntilithappenstoyou,andthenit'slike,"Omg,THISiswhatit'ssupposedtobelike."

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jdub 4hoursago"RightnowistheonlyplaceIwanttobe,"almostmademetearup.Thisisbeautiful,andcongratulationsonfindingtheloveyoutrulydeserve!

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ftyjyry 5hoursagoIfnumber7lastedtheworldwouldbeabetterplace,butatsomepointitturnsinto,"givemearingorI'mleaving".

When"forever"isthegoal,there'salotofroomforfailure.Enjoytoday.

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AllThingsGeek 5hoursagoSorry,butthisseemsutterlydull.Whatislifewithoutsoulcrushing,bonebreakingandteethshatteringpain?

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6/12/2015 8ThingsThatSurprisedMeAboutLove,OnceIActuallyFoundIt|ThoughtCatalog

http://thoughtcatalog.com/briannawiest/2015/06/8thingsthatsurprisedmeaboutloveonceiactuallyfoundit/?utm_content=buffer64da9&utm_medium= 7/8

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B 6hoursagoI'mareaderofthoughtcatalogforsometimenowandI'vereadyoubeforeaswell.I'mhappythatyoufindsomethingpeacefulbutmyproblemwiththiskindawritingisthatitimposesyourpersonalexperienceasanorm.Everyoneisdifferentandeverybodyislookingforsomethingdifferentandeverytimeireadsomethinglikethisdefiningwhat*real*loveisorwhatpeopleshoulddotofinditandetc.itkindaputsthewriterinthiscasejustaluckygirlwhoinherownopinionhasfoundtherealloveinanexpertpositiontellingotherpeoplewhatkindareallovetheyshouldbefindingeventhoeveryoneisdifferentandeveryrelationshiphastheirowncourse.Onthisnotehowever,somestuffisrightonpsychologicalbasis,whenyoudoloveyourselfandacceptwhoyouare,you'llbefreefromyourdemonsinsideandwhenyou'vereachedthatpoint,you'llbepeacefulnomatterwhat,singleorasacouple.

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Kara 6hoursago>BThetitleisinthefirstperson.It'sclearlycommunicatedthatthisishersubjectiveexperience.You'dhaveapointifitwerecalled"8ThingsThatWillSurpriseYOUAboutLoveWhenYouFindIt."

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b 5hoursago>Karayeahthesearewhatsurprisedher,notme.you'reright!butallthroughthetext,herimplicationofwhat*real*loveshouldbe,isn'tpersonal.theregoesmycommentupthere.

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Fernanda 7hoursagoThisissoonpoint,beautifullytrue.Andcouldyou,please,sharethenameofyourfavoritebook?

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A 7hoursagoAww,thatwassosweet.Goodforyou,andgoodlucktoyouaswell.Mayyourloveflourishanddeepen.

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