Can a Girl or a WomanCan a Girl or a Woman

Be a Bully?Be a Bully?

Who’s a BullyWho’s a Bully

What images come to mind when What images come to mind when you hear the word bully?you hear the word bully? What genderWhat gender RaceRace Body typeBody type What kinds of situations or scenes?What kinds of situations or scenes?

Raise Your Hand If…Raise Your Hand If…

You ever snatched a girl’s or You ever snatched a girl’s or woman’s jewelry, backpack, woman’s jewelry, backpack, or other valuables? Stealing or other valuables? Stealing clothing, shoes, makeup, or clothing, shoes, makeup, or money?money?

Threatened to withdraw a Threatened to withdraw a friendship to coerce a girl to friendship to coerce a girl to do something she didn’t do something she didn’t want to do?want to do?

Making fun of a girl to get Making fun of a girl to get her to do what you wanted her to do what you wanted her to do?her to do?

Fighting with, threatening, Fighting with, threatening, or intimidating another girl or intimidating another girl over a boy or to impress a over a boy or to impress a boy?boy?

Flashing a weapon to Flashing a weapon to intimidate a girl?intimidate a girl?

Using gossip to create bad Using gossip to create bad feelings about another girl?feelings about another girl?

Putting a girl down Putting a girl down because of the way she because of the way she was dressed?was dressed?

Putting a girl down Putting a girl down because of her body’s size because of her body’s size or shape or both?or shape or both?

Pushing around a younger, Pushing around a younger, smaller, physically less smaller, physically less powerful person?powerful person?

Being a BullyBeing a Bully

Whom did you bully?Whom did you bully? How old were you?How old were you? Where were you?Where were you? Describe what happened…?Describe what happened…? What did you really need?What did you really need? Why didn’t you just ask for what you Why didn’t you just ask for what you

needed?needed? What did you gain by being a bully?What did you gain by being a bully? What did being a bully cost you?What did being a bully cost you? How did the other person feel?How did the other person feel?

When you were being a When you were being a bully…bully…

What was it that you really needed? What was it that you really needed? What were you trying to get?What were you trying to get?

Why didn’t you just ask?Why didn’t you just ask? What did you gain in the short term?What did you gain in the short term? What does it cost in the long term?What does it cost in the long term? Which costs have you paid?Which costs have you paid? What did it cost the victim?What did it cost the victim?

Four Way to Communicate and Four Way to Communicate and What They Get YouWhat They Get You

In Your FaceIn Your Face Examples:Examples:

““Give it to me. I want it now.”Give it to me. I want it now.” ““That’s mine:That’s mine: ““If you don’t give it tom me I’ll…”If you don’t give it tom me I’ll…”

Usual ResultsUsual Results We lose friends and relationships.We lose friends and relationships. We risk being in danger.We risk being in danger. We risk other people’s anger.We risk other people’s anger. Other people may try to get back at us.Other people may try to get back at us. We feel guilt and shame.We feel guilt and shame.

2…2…

The Disappearing ActThe Disappearing Act Examples:Examples:

““Maybe. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to Maybe. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me.”me.”

““It’s not important. Do whatever you want.”It’s not important. Do whatever you want.” Usual Results:Usual Results:

We don’t get our needs met.We don’t get our needs met. We feel angry and ripped off.We feel angry and ripped off. ResentmentResentment Others don’t know how we really feel.Others don’t know how we really feel.

3…3…

The Combo: The Combo: This combinesThis combines “in your face” and “the disappearing act.” “in your face” and “the disappearing act.” In this style, our actions don’t match our words. We use sarcasm and a calm delivery In this style, our actions don’t match our words. We use sarcasm and a calm delivery of threats, and roll our eyes while pretending to sound agreeable. of threats, and roll our eyes while pretending to sound agreeable.

ExamplesExamples ““I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m Okay…You better leave me I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m Okay…You better leave me

alone.”alone.” ““Yeah, they’re real good friends.”Yeah, they’re real good friends.”

Usual ResultsUsual Results We catch people off guard.We catch people off guard. We lose friends and relationships.We lose friends and relationships. We leave with unresolved feelings and unmet needs.We leave with unresolved feelings and unmet needs. We feel guilt and shame.We feel guilt and shame.

4…4…

Direct and Clear Communication: Direct and Clear Communication: Thoughtful, honest sharingThoughtful, honest sharing Examples:Examples:

““I want this, but what do you want?”I want this, but what do you want?” ““How can we work this out?”How can we work this out?” ““I care about what you need.”I care about what you need.” ““I want to solve this.”I want to solve this.” ““I feel frustrated when you…”I feel frustrated when you…”

Usual Results:Usual Results: We often get our needs metWe often get our needs met We build relationships and maintain them for a long We build relationships and maintain them for a long

time.time. We build peace.We build peace.

The Anger PledgeThe Anger Pledge

My anger is powerful. I will not hide My anger is powerful. I will not hide it. And I promise not to turn my it. And I promise not to turn my anger into violence towards myself, anger into violence towards myself, my friends, my family, or to anyone my friends, my family, or to anyone else, except in self defense. If my else, except in self defense. If my anger turns abusive, I will talk about anger turns abusive, I will talk about it in this group or with someone I it in this group or with someone I trust.trust.

CheckoutCheckout

Why do you thing so many people Why do you thing so many people act like bullies sometimes? What act like bullies sometimes? What would it take for that to change? would it take for that to change? Would the group agreement make a Would the group agreement make a difference?difference?

What does it mean to take out our What does it mean to take out our anger on ourselves? anger on ourselves?