Somehow strippingthe few re-deemablequalities from the
final book in StephenieMeyer’s bestselling “Twi-light” series, “BreakingDawn — Part 1” cobblestogether a tedious, seem-ingly never-endingprelude to what we canonly hope will be a moreentertaining “Part 2,”which releases next No-vember.
The monstrosity that is“Part 1” tells the first halfof “Twilight’s” fi-nale: Mortal BellaSwan (KristenStewart) and vam-pire EdwardCullen (Robert Pat-tinson) marry, jetoff to a SouthAmerican honey-moon andpromptly decide toscrew everythingup by getting Bellapregnant withsome type of vampire-es-que offspring. A typicalday in carnal paradise, nodoubt. Oh, and there’s thesoul-wrenching (if in-evitable) decision byBella to become undeadin the near future.
But what should besome of the two-parter’smost serious and tensemoments instead leaveyou laughing at the sheerludicrousness of it all.Granted, it’s hard not tolaugh when resident hunkJacob Black (Taylor Laut-ner) loses the shirt within30 seconds of the movie’sopening. Or when Bellapleads for sex from hervampire husband. Orwhen Lautner tries to cry.Or when Pattinson tries tosmolder. You get the point.
Still, you can’t blame di-rector Bill Condon(“Dreamgirls”) for all thesoapy and unintentionallyfunny drama. In fact, mostof that can be attributedto screenwriter MelissaRosenberg, who replacedthe tension and angst ofthe book with a bloodlessbanality. The Edward-Bel-la-Jacob love triangleleaves you both frustratedand apathetic.
And now that we’vereached the fourth moviein the series, it comes asno surprise that both Pat-tinson and Lautner still
have no personality. Pat-tinson actually seemsdead, or at the very leastbored out of his mind.And Lautner proves hepossesses only one ex-pression: an
incomprehensiblesquinting.
Stewart did well,however, with herI’m-carrying-a-de-mon-spawnpregnant mother.It’s grotesque in afascinating way.The C-section laterperformed by Ed-ward, though —with his teeth, noless — is simply
grotesque.At its core, “Twilight”
is a teenage love trianglewith dashes of angst,sparkles and fisticuffs.But there’s the lack ofemotion so prevalent inthe books (and, to a lesserdegree, in the previousmovies). There’s angstand unnatural facial ex-pressions, for sure, butthere’s no subtext to gowith them. Which is un-surprising for a movieabout pretty people doinga whole lot of nothing.
It wouldn’t be fair,though, to rant about thefailure of “Part 1” withoutpraising the filmographyand editing. It really is abeautiful movie, contrast-ing between stark whitesand shocking reds andseamlessly transitioningbetween absurd scenes.
Normally, splitting abook of “BreakingDawn’s” length and noto-riety would be the moreprudent choice, at leastfrom the fan’s perspec-tive. Fans want all of thenuance, all of the lustfulstares and backstory. Butthere’s truly no reason“Part 1” warranted 117minutes of screen time.In fact, a large chunk of itcould have been left onthe cutting room floor,and both parts could
have been combined intoone longer movie. (Yes,given the financial incen-tives for SummitEntertainment to be ableto sell and market two“Twilight” movies in-stead of one, it’s silly tothink that could havehappened.)
In the end, “The Twi-light Saga: Breaking Dawn— Part 1” will appease itsrabid fanbase. And no re-view, no matter howcritical, is going to changethat. So here’s to hopingthat “Part 2” will pump alittle blood into this life-less finale.
One star out of five.�
Dominic Baez is the copyeditor/film critic for the EastOregonian. Follow his movieblog, Silver Screening, for thelatest trailers, clips and extrasat silverscreening.word-press.com. You can reach himat [email protected] the Movies
DOMINICBAEZ
WEDNESDAYWEDNESDAY•A Union Pacific Railroad
manager at 5:08 a.m. report-ed his employee wasassaulted in a company build-ing at 213 S.W. Goodwin Ave.,Pendleton.
•An employee of BlueMountain Community College,980 S.E. Columbia Drive, Her-miston, at 5:57 a.m. reportedthe theft of the college’s gold1991 Honda Civic, Oregonplate E178747.
•A Hermiston man calledpolice at 10:14 a.m. to reporthe witnessed an older mansteal two large silver cans ofbeer from Safeway, 990 S.Highway 395, Hermiston. Thecaller said the thief stuck thebeer down front of his pantsand went to his half-ton truckthat had Oregon plates. Hethen left northbound onFourth Street, the caller said.
•A Hermiston woman calledpolice at 10:31 a.m. after aman tried to break into herresidence in the 1300 blockof Southwest Desert OakDrive. She said the manopened the door and asked,
“Are you there?” The caller’sdog then began barking andthe man shut the door andtook off. She said she wasscared and was going to leavethe residence.
•A Hermiston man at 2:55p.m. called police to report hehad been hit by another manthe day before. He said hewasn’t able to report it at thetime because he had to work.He asked for an officer to talkto him about the assault.
•A woman called police at5:25 p.m. to report the fatherof her children bought drugsat about 5:10 p.m. in theparking lot of the HermistonWalmart, 1350 N. First St.She also said he had takentheir children four days agoand she hasn’t seen themsince.
Police weren’t able to findthe man.
•A member of the UmatillaCounty Historical Society at6:42 p.m. reported damageto three or four of the soci-ety's fence posts and a gateat the corner of SouthwestFourth Street and Frazer Av-
enue. The caller also said hefound a part of a bumper anda license plate.
•A Pendleton woman called9-1-1 at 7:21 p.m. to report aneighbor threatened to get hisgun after she asked him toturn down the music. She saidshe told the man she wouldcall police. His response, sheclaimed, was to tell her goahead, he’ll get his gun.
An officer responded, madecontact with all parties andgot the situation resolved.
Friday, November 18, 2011 East Oregonian Page 3AREGION
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PUBLIC SAFETY LOG
MOVIE REVIEW
The boring life of vampire lovers
“The TwilightSaga: BreakingDawn - Part 1”
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BRIEFLYPolice deal with obscene caller
HERMISTON — A men-tally challenged man hasbeen harassing Hermistonbusinesses with obscenephone calls this week, ac-cording to city police.
The Oregon Departmentof Human Services, 940S.E. Columbia Dr., re-ceived the brunt of thecalls. Supervisor BradHardie told police theman called 20-50 timesMonday and Tuesday.
Hardie Thursday morn-ing said the office hastaken in-house action tohelp employees deal withthe problem, but he de-clined to commentfurther, citing confiden-tiality.
Acting Hermiston Po-
lice Chief Jason Edmistonsaid he is familiar withthe caller, who he de-scribed as mentallychallenged.
Four businesses oragencies this week havereported the calls to po-lice. Some described thecalls as sexually explicit.
Edmiston said thecaller has done this be-fore, but his mental statepresents difficulties to po-lice.
“The issue here in deal-ing with a mentallychallenged person isthere has to be some cul-pability on their part,” hesaid.
Officers talked to thecaller Thursday, Edmistonsaid, and he could facecharges of telephonic ha-rassment.
— Phil Wright
‘Breaking Dawn — Part 1’ hilarious in the wrong way
By KATE WHITTLEEast Oregonian
Bigger isn’t always better when it comesto family homes.
The non-profit Energy Trust of Oregonsponsored a small house design workshopThursday in the Tamastslikt museum’s cul-tural classroom.
Instructor Brian D’Agostine, a designoutreach specialist, said smaller homesconserve energy and use fewer materials.
In 1900, the average home was about 900square feet. At the height of the housingbubble in 2004, homes were built at 2,400square feet.
The era of the oversized McMansion isover, D’Agostine said, especially as cus-tomers become more environment-minded.
“It’s not going to be anymore, ‘My houseis bigger than yours,’ it’s going to be, ‘Myhouse is greener than yours,’” he said.
Some radically small homes are as tinyas nine square feet, he said, and designedto be pulled by a bicycle. He’s beendreaming of constructing a 200-square-foot
dwelling, which is legally classified as ashed.
Houses that small may seem extreme,but for anyone looking to build a more con-ventional home, there are several ways toreduce size, increase efficiency and staycomfy. D’Agostine suggests making sureeach room will have multiple uses and notinstalling guest rooms or bathrooms thatwon’t see much use.
About 12 people from Pendleton andMission attended the workshop, includinghousing workers from the ConfederatedTribes of the Umatilla Indian Reservation.
“This is helpful to expand our horizons,”said Marcus Luke, who counsels tribalmembers for the CTUIR housing authori-ty. He said the reservation is strapped forhousing and looking to build more houses.
“There were a lot of things here that arenice to know,” he said, “like how to get ridof dead space, make it more practical.”
Michelle Goad, who co-owns more than100 acres of property recently annexed in-to Pendleton city limits, also attended theworkshop.
Goad said construction will happen onthe property, but wanted to stay mum aboutthe details.
“It’s been interesting,” she said of theworkshop, “But we already have plans.”
Workshop shows the valueof building a smaller home
MISSION
Energy efficiency harder tomaintain with spare rooms
PENDLETON
Staff photo by Phil Wright
Fight cracks downtown business windowA fight between three or four men Thursday at about 11 p.m. outside theRainbow Cafe, 209 S. Main St., resulted in a broken front window atneighboring business, Ooh La La Salon.
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