II'

Amanda Uprtchard SIieof(night)Iitt......................... 45Trlxle and Babs,s hlnts ,or hollday gtv|ng.................. 46Tom O'Noflt Church IaUy bingo .....-............................. 50Rlchard Goldstsln! Body pollttcs MTrrs repression

Mlchael Musto: La Dotco Musto ............_.-............... 54

e foking

40's,

ChurchLadies

onBoard

ByTom O'NeiIlFlrd, 8ftor youf oyes have adjusted to rhesmoxe, b€iold the bouffants-

A.vinual seaitr evcry mlor of tbe ClairolruDow,-tnwd trow as if in prayer, Brae::"^,Tg:-l-. age_staitred uisrs movingn slow motlon over rows ofefeteria table-

,-llpjl,{.: .a yoqan, rriumphanilylsungrner €rd to the heavens ofFa$ei

chair in fronr ofa bingo piayer_it,s for her1.,._l;.,y!.'9., room to spread her boards,aqoltronat spae is requircd for critical bin_go accoulrcmeuls: Ink-a_Dot squeegec bot_us; mar8anoe dish ofplastic chips ior casi_er-rGprck-uplrcn_nies if shc's anhritic); pile:1,,yit,Jshr.af,'l endies are popurar;;ano, loally, -rhe Shrine, an alrailii<e ai-rangemnt.ol good luck tcholchkes_ce.p-mc lgunnes, miniature sruffcd animals,Immed photos of gmndkids (nevgy hgyoands uiles deHsed), and saints, medals,, wntr seated clme the niracles. younaven t hnrshcd taking off your sw€rerMen one ol rhe ladies is folding il for you.A steady strum.of grardmotheft comes by:9.^i:-ry11 endy.atrd cookes inro yoursw9els_

lle and tell you you're handsome.Ar /:JU, the rapping of Ink-a_Dols com_

mences. and lhe ellen are cataDulled tothe srag€ as if kicked in the collecrive ass byGod's Doc Manen-

-cArL 4i 'FoRE r HrT yA!"With lhe balls in motion, rhe lloor bc_

@m6 an- aeessorized lions' pit. Immedi_arely-eslaDushlng thcif supremacy, lhc a9semoled troops wage guttural war on thepm,rum 10 cnsure easy_listcning nunberqumg. Atrythrng less rhan perfect pitch,

pronunc ia l ion ,a n d . t i m i n g a r epun ished w i rhmorciless heckling.Actions construcdas deviating fromolngo-notm aregrcunds for verballynching. God for-b id the ca l le rmake nonb ingosmall talk with hersidekick, thc num-bcr-pickcr, andFathcr FrancoRocco Hall erupls:..WN,ITE

HER A LEI.TER, WHY DON'TcH^?!"

Unlike Transfig-uration, whcre theplaycN. are diyid-ed into two rmms,at St. Anlhony'son Sulliyan Skcet(Sundays at 6:30,Wednesdays. at z

F.!!,f*fl ,$ni"':$i,t,iolT|;suno-plcxed up and cerily arnptifcd b!9i$,ltl.rft*], the muflled,'hypnotiiru-molng of a cav.alcade of balls suspendcd,pemaps, on cod's om breath.

A suddcn-b€lct of air aeompanies lhe.1,.[frt9l or on. Ual and all bouilanr risc.

p.m.) the savageacuon takcs place in glorious, unobsrructiducw.

_, Tonight,. bcncath a dusty minored ballthat probably- hasn't sen t spot since theqays-o.t tr8nkie Lymon, thc crowd is de_ugnuuuy trasty,

The 6nt ellcr makes rhe grievcius enorLl:_"jJy,

nej8hbor Clara pur it, .,being

ii,li;ilffi;ffi ,t.i j"iflx"liJ:i,'."ij:

cres rcspond wirh a wicked high-pitchedgroup-mrmic.

-_.p.,nit. cotrsecrated posir.ions, pflestswno venturc from pulpit to podium aresnom no.more lcniency by parishionenw-no probably rcmembcr them in diapeN arJ-il umtrarc.*.,Such a- Iovely audience,,,sy-s, iarher tnnk, after a paniculariyrougn vcrbal jousring. ..1 rhink l,ll give iFmor-"

hoisringrher €rd to Uri i""'r*,Fnrco Roc@ guu, t",i.ui[ii" ci*r, orthc Tmnsfrguration oo irroit'-iir.'i.'e ,.-rcunolng Gre€k chorus of ch.r< rhn."sounding. Gre€k chorui-oi irii, ccrroeslT9yqh.rhe,mT, lollowed by thc rinklins:,,--,l,"11td: of riny plastiC chips beinicl6ed. away ror rd n'ert gami.

rr tsnday at me Copa was for ciIf Flg,l ".t,,!". coqp *as ioi- gidrrienas,

t!, surcly tbrs rs where the Goodfellas;well, surcly ruis is itrere itriwlvcs-now

_gandmothcrs_camc, Sit

i:f, i TS,f i.rliTj cararosues? Fugscda_

. No lonir a.n9yrce, I ptay wirh my Mul-Erry trrect treuhtors. Swet, tough womenHt"h. voic€s-. madc hoarre from- yeam of

;i."ffi il1"i,TiH1fl.ffi::1,#f.i,ll:logugr at lBt as befuddlcd by my irrcrcstrn. ougo as tlcy -wcrc that I'd move intoP:LI9TT9IE frcm the suburbs (when:!.i:!_d:

djd rhe opposire), il,ey'rc g.o*nlo-erpeci me and my cnthusiasiic fricnds..

Dy su, every table is sta.ked out for rhe/:rv game. P@*etbooks and keys marksats temporuily abandoncd foi ovengm6 !r Hds held in mridoro off ther@m. Domrnen boys, still in schml uni_lm,j€il @-nE ard crulles to ladies whory, i?:1n &. Delu€ wirh nary a stee.. wcu-veffd ln the sietre of biago rearrn&.you are.ereful not to encroach on Ocjl-,9ld."grt!r of tadics who,ve spiiledDrsd tor ts. Don't even think about that

.,Ii_{mo rhe pizza c3n anives, eusingll-_lletly stamp€dc of housedreises. MilTjnf

.lff, a.nomeil lare in his stan, getsnlpcnccked tor thc last piece.

.-The fryt.$100 j-ackplt 6nds ladies ptay-mg otr their fcet in frerce concentraiion._lrus rs t"hc otre they're here for and, afterthre hou6 _of pushing little plastic dotsaroutrd, qatlencc is thin, tensions high.Brclher. Vincent do€sn't help mattero bynyrng tbrough the nunben.. "TAKE n EAsy FATHE& JEEEE{US!', come

tne -cnes, "wlHT DA HELL'S AUADDA WD'Htrr|i Hes K.uN us!"

,-Clearly relieved to,be of thc hor sear,oeposed Father Frank indulges in mmeo_aro-to-come-by sadistic fun, shoutinglrm the.back: ..spEED tr up uNwt,,

rtre ladres go truts.

_.,Yyilll"l. oor]! HE^yy DArE roMcHr,rrrnen?" hollen Clarh-

"snco!"-laAiHHH

SHII!" I