You Just Don’t Understandby: Deborah Tannen

ANTONIO BERBER

3/18/15

Idea Behind the Book

Importance of Metamessages

What are Metamessages?

Lead to Asymmetry

Communication styles

Men Hierarchical or stratified

Women Collaborative

Intimacy vs. Independence

Men Seek independence

Women Seek intimacy

Talking Characteristics Women More likely to talk at

home

Talk about personal life “gossip”

Men More likely to talk in

public or business settings

Talk about politics, news, and sports

Types of Conversations

Men Tend to sit next to each

other

Indirect when expressing personal problems

More likely to make decisions independently

Women Tend to sit close to each

other or face each other

More likely to be direct in their speech

More likely to consult with each other before making decisions

Conflict Styles

Men Necessary to establish

status

Friendships have an element of friendly aggression

Women Threat to connection or

relationship

Conflict is to be avoided at all costs

Is change needed?

NO, you just need to understand the differences

Women can be more assertive or direct

Men be more sensitive and listen more