YOU ARE OLD FATHER WILLIAM

by

Lewis Carroll after Robert Southey

with Tenniell’s famous illustrations

and a forward by the Rt. Hon. Lord Charles Augustus Fortescue

A Kiddy Klassik Poetry Special

The author’s famous photographic self-portrait.

Lewis Caroll’s

You Are Old Father William

A Parody humorously adapted by him from

“The Old Man’s Comforts and How He Gained Them” by Robert Southey

with the original illustrations by

Sir John Tenniell

De luxe Centennial Edition

newly edited by

Q. Wykke-Bucke M.BSt

with a forward by the Rt. Hon. Lord Charles Augustus Fortescue

A Kiddy Klassik Poetry Special

in association with the Quidnunc Trust

Just Kidding Publishers Ltd

Cambridge Edinburgh Oxford Sebastopol

Just Kidding is an imprint of SCAM International

2000 Grand Highway

Sebastopol CA 95472

Offices in:

1000 Main Avenue

Cambridge MA 02141

21 High St

Witney, Oxon

Old Buildings

Old Rd., Edinburgh

First published 1998

13th printing, 2003

ISBN: 0-192-89238-1 (book)

0-192-89239-1 (CD)

0-192-89240-7 (set)

“You Are Old, Father William” from Lewis Carroll’s “Alice in Wonderland”, first published

1866.

Concept: Sky Enterprises inc.

Design and layout: John Q. Smith jr

Managing editor: John Q. Smith sr

Printed by: Words Unlimited, Osney Mead Industrial Estate, England

While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes

no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from paper cuts or from any

use made of the information or concepts contained in it. You should always consult your

medical practitioner before changing your exercise or diet regime. Parents are advised to talk

to their children only in the presence of a legal adviser.

The Quidnunc Trust is a non-profit organisation which exists to challenge inter-generational

stereotypes in literature, the arts and the media.

For more information, see our website

www.quids.org

Lewis Carroll’s

Father William *************

Foreword

by the Rt. Hon. Lord Charles Augustus Fortescue

I like this poem because its short and has ryming bits and funny pictures and you should buy it.

– Charliie A.F.

- 2 -

Lewis Carroll’s

Father William1 *************

“You are old, Father William,” the young man said, “And your hair has become very white;

And yet you incessantly stand on your head – Do you think, at your age, it is right?”

*

“In my youth,” Father William replied to his son, “I feared it might injure the brain;

But now I am perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again and again.”

“You are old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before, And have grown most uncommonly fat,

Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door – Pray, what is the reason of that?”

*

“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his gray locks, “I kept all my limbs very supple

By the use of this ointment – one shilling the box – Allow me to sell you a couple.”

1 This poem is a clever parody of Robert Southey’s poem “The Old Man’s Comforts and How He Gained Them”, first published in 1799.

- 3 -

“You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than suet;

Yet you finished the goose with the bones and the beak – Pray, how did you manage to do it?”

*

“In my youth,” said his father, “I took to the law, And argued each case with my wife;

And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw Has lasted the rest of my life.”

“You are old,” said the youth, “one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever;

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose – What made you so awfully clever?”

*

“I have answered three questions, and that is enough,” Said his father, “don’t give yourself airs!

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? Be off, or I’ll kick you downstairs!”

Just Kidding 2003

ISBN: 0-19-289238X

Index

Beak - 3

Bones - 3

Eating habits - 3

Eels - 3

Eye -3

Goose -3

Father William – see William, Father

Hair - 2

Head - 2

Jaws - 3

Law - 3

Nose - 3

Ointment - 2

Somersault - 2

Stairs - 4

Stuff - 4

Suet - 3

Wife - 3

William, Father - passim

The Kiddy Klassiks Series

Series editor: Q. Wykke-Bucke

ISSN: 1234-5678

1. The White Knight’s Song (Lewis Carroll)

2. You Are Old, Father William (Lewis Carroll)

3. The Owl and the Pussy Cat (Edward Lear)

4. A Tragic Story (William Makepeace Thackeray)

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100 1_ $aCarroll, Lewis,$d1832-1898.

240 10 $aYou are old Father William

245 10 $aLewis Caroll's you are old Father William :$ba parody

/$chumorously adapted by him from Robert Southey’s The old man's

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246 1_ $aTitle should read:$aLewis Carroll’s you are old Father William

246 14 $aYou are old Father William

246 16 $aLewis Carroll’s Father William

246 18 $aFather William

250 __ $aDe luxe centennial edition /$bnewly edited by Q. Wykke-Bucke

M.BSt.

264 _1 $aCambridge [Massachusetts] :$bJust Kidding Publishers Ltd,$c1998.

300 __ $a3 pages :$billustrations ;$c22 cm

336 __ $atext$brdacontent

337 __ $aunmediated$brdamedia

338 __ $avolume$brdacarrier

490 1_ $aThe kiddy klassiks series,$x1234-5678 ;$v2

500 __ $aISBN from back cover. Title page verso gives incorrect ISBN

0192892381.

500 __ $aIllustrator’s name is misspelt as “Tenniell” on title page.

500 __ $aFirst published in: Alice's adventures in Wonderland / Lewis

Carroll. 1866.

500 __ $aCommonly referred to as: You are old Father William.

500 __ $a"A Kiddy Klassik Poetry Special in association with the Quidnunc

Trust"—Title page.

500 __ $aIncludes index.

600 10 $aSouthey, Robert,$d1774-1843$vParodies, imitations, etc.

650 0 $aFather and child$vHumor$vJuvenile poetry.

700 1_ $aTenniel, John,$cSir,$d1820-1914.

700 1_ $aWykke-Bucke, Q.

700 1_ $aSouthey, Robert,$d1774-1843.$tOld man's comforts and how he gained

them.

700 1_ $aCarroll, Lewis,$d1832-1898.$tAlice’s adventures in Wonderland.

710 2_ $aQuidnunc Trust.

830 0_ $aKiddy klassiks series ;$v2

KIDDY

KLASSIKS

Charles Lutwidge Dodgson’s multi-faceted mid-Victorian opus

“Father William” offers a seminal and ground-breaking study

of the psychology of the ageing process, as represented in the

darkly humorous persona of the Father figure, by turns inviting

and threatening - a refusal of closure which strangely

anticipates the work of P.L. Travers, J.M. Barrie and George

Orwell. Its critical position in the author’s “Alice’s

Adventures in Wonderland” is thought by many to foreground

the ambiguity of the author’s own personae, in terms of which

the frolicsome playmate projected under the name “Lewis

Carroll” coexists in perpetual conflict with the grim logician

and author of “An elementary treatise on determinants : with

their application to simultaneous linear equations and

algebraical geometry” and “Suggestions as to the Election of

Proctors”. Each acts as a subtext undermining the other’s

authenticity, and thus inexorably generating the nightmare

instability to which the author will condemn the child – a child

whom he calls Alice, but who is also a vicarious victim offered

in a futile gesture to the unbearable exigencies of adulthood

and actuality.

The late Quentin Wykke-Bucke (1952-2005) was

internationally renowned for his remarkable achievement in

building a long and prestigious career on spirally self-

referential re-readings of well-known popular texts as an

authentic expression of the fluctuating nexus of cultural

imperatives that surreptitiously remap the multifaceted

schematism of academic funding.