York Coaching Group - May 2015 “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” C. G

York Coaching Group - May 2015

“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”

C. G. Jung (Memories, Dreams, Reflections; 1983, Fontana, p358)

The shadow and the coach

www.steve-page-yorks.co.uk

My focus this evening

Personal shadow – what it is, how it comes about and how we may re-incorporate

elements of our personal shadow into our self construct.

Professional shadow – how we may create this when we train and practice and a

few reflections on how re-integrating professional shadow may help us mature in

our work.

I am simplifying and therefore at risk of making the subtle, complex, intra-personal

processes I am describing sound straightforward and inevitable – they are not.


My planned agenda

Introduce some of the concepts of shadow, starting with personal shadow

Invite you to do a ‘shadow-hunting’ exercise for yourselves

Consider formation, maintenance and then re-emergence of shadow

Move from personal to professional shadow

Undertake an exercise exploring your professional shadow

Reflecting together on the relevance of ‘shadow’ to coaching


Where does the term “shadow” come from? (1)

Carl Jung described the personal shadow in a number of his writings, perhaps most

helpfully:

“To become conscious of it [the shadow] involves recognising the dark

aspects of the personality as present and real. ….Closer examination of the

dark characteristics – that is the inferiorities constituting the shadow –

reveals that they have an emotional nature, a kind of autonomy, and

accordingly an obsessive or, better, possessive quality”

(C. W. 9: II, paras. 14-15).


Where does the term “shadow” come from? (2)

The poet Robert Bly described shadow as:

“The long bag we drag behind us”, into which we stuff unwanted aspects of

ourselves that we encounter (A little book of the human shadow, 1988, p17).


My understanding of “personal shadow” (1)

• It is part of our personal unconscious.

• It contains parts of ourselves that we have split off from conscious awareness.

• This process of splitting is developmentally essential, at the stage it happens.

• We are almost invariably reluctant to accept aspects of our shadow.

• Our resistance is a consequence of how the splitting mechanism works – it

creates ‘other’ than the experiencing ‘I’ and we remain strongly identified with this

‘I’.


My understanding of “personal shadow” (2)

• Without the energy, wisdom, and balance provided by our shadow we are

diminished in some ways: less than who we could be.

• As we mature, the self-actualising tendency may result in aspects of our shadow

insistently demanding our attention.


Exercise one – personal shadow

This is a simple exercise which may put you in touch with an element of your personal shadow – we are dealing with the unconscious so nothing is certain.

I will invite you to talk about what you discover in this exercise – but you decide how much to say (so you do not need to censor from yourself).

The unconscious is generally quite cautious about allowing material to become conscious, so it is unlikely you will discover anything you are not ready to discover.


When your partner is talking, please:

Listen attentively and communicate that you are listening

Adopt a compassionate and generous spirited attitude towards your partner and encourage them to do the same towards themselves

If you find you are making judgments or want to offer interpretations, please contain these responses and ask yourself (in a compassionate and generous spirited manner) what these thoughts may tell you about yourself

Remember that silence can be very constructive


Is ‘shadow’ bad or destructive?

The material in our personal shadow is not inevitably harmful or destructive.

However, any aspect of our selves that is out of our conscious awareness and has the opportunity to express itself has the capacity to cause harm through being inappropriate, insensitive, badly timed, hurtful, etc.

Experience suggests that sometimes we have to experience the destructive capability of an aspect of our shadow in order to wake up to that part of who we are; to shock ourselves into awareness.


How is shadow formed?

We learn from an early age that some behaviours, thoughts or expression of feelings are not accepted by those around us, perhaps because:• We behave in this way and are punished, or shamed,• We hear a particular behaviour, feeling or characteristic being criticised,• A person of significance to us behaves like this and we are determined to be

different.

One solution is to banish this aspect of ourselves into our shadow: deny it exists within us.

Once banished, if it is in danger of leaking out we may create a projection to further seal it in by developing a strong negative reaction to someone (or a number of people) who displays this characteristic.


Forming

Denying

Shadow formation and maintenance


How does ‘shadow’ emerge? (1)

There are many ways, for example:

• We catch a glimpse of someone ‘other’ in something we do or say,

• Someone else confronts us with an aspect of our shadow,

• We notice and examine a repeating pattern in our lives,

• We catch a ‘reflection’ of ourselves in someone close to us,

• Something emerges through our explorations in therapy or supervision,


How does ‘shadow’ emerge? (2)

Or:

• We act out of character or make a ‘mistake’,

• We spot something when reflecting upon a dream,

• We become ill and realise our body is expressing something we deny to

ourselves,

• An image or motif emerges when we are expressing our creativity,

• Insight arises during meditation/reflection

• We go to a workshop and take a risk……..


First sighting → incorporating

Fully engage with an aspect of shadow requires determined work:

• Overcoming our reluctance and self-distraction tactics

• Resisting pressure from others to maintain homeostasis

• Being determined to face what we have discovered about ourselves

• Holding the new recognition in our awareness

• Being accepting, loving and kind towards this aspect of ourselves

• Exploring what we like and dislike about the emergent shadow material

• Experimenting with ways of expressing this new aspect of ourselves


Forming

Denying

Confronting

Recognising

Incorporating

Recognising, confronting and incorporating


Professional shadow

As we train and go on to develop as practitioners we also create a professional persona, the mask we wear when being a practitioner, be that as a coach, supervisor, trainer or consultant (or in my case, therapist).

Indeed we may have subtly different versions of professional mask for different roles or settings.

As we create that persona we inevitably set aspects of ourselves aside, at least while we work.

We may go further and push one or more aspects of ourselves fully into unconsciousness; into shadow.


Exercise two – professional shadow

This second exercise is designed to provide you with an opportunity to identify an element of your professional shadow, again no guarantees possible.

And again, I will invite you to talk to a partner about anything you discover in this exercise – but you decide how much to share.

It is a guided imagery exercise. When you finish the imaginal sequence I shall invite you to take a few moments to write down or draw anything you want to. It works well if this can take place in relative silence, so can you please organise your paper and pen or pencil in readiness

Exercise……………….


Allowing our shadow to be our guide (1)

This is a delicate process and caution is advisable – I am not proposing that we experiment wildly on our clients!

In my view it is vital that we make our supervisor aware of our new found self-awareness and talk through with them how we might utilise this in our client work.

With clients we can start by paying attention to when our (former) shadow aspect is activated.


Allowing our shadow to be our guide (2)

We can then ask ourselves:

• What is this communicating to me in this moment?

• How does that inform what is happening with my client?

• How then might I intervene?

• How do I imagine my client would experience that intervention?

Reflect upon what happens and review in supervision.


Forming

Denying

Confronting

Recognising

Incorporating

Being guided by shadow

Stages of shadow formation → being guided


Reflections

• Seeking, confronting and incorporating our shadow into our self concept and

our work is as much an attitude; of curiosity, courage and humility; as an action.

• Therapy, coaching and supervision can be important sources of support.

• Seeing the shadow in others is generally easier than seeing our own shadow

and is inevitably vulnerable to projections (so caution is advisable).

• The concept of “shadow” can be a fruitful way of considering the unconscious

aspects of groups and organisations.


A copy of these slides can be downloaded from:

http://www.steve-page-yorks.co.uk/resources/



Please note that the material in these slides is copyright and should not be used

without full acknowledgement of the source.

The exercises I included in this talk can be quite powerful and should only be used

with others by those experienced in facilitating guided imagery.

Main reference:

Page, S. (1999) The Shadow and the Counsellor; working with darker aspects of the

person, role and profession, London: Routledge.

My contact details:

Web: www.steve-page-yorks.co.uk

Email: [email protected]

Phone: +44(0)1347 – 878 982

Documents

York Coaching Group - May 2015 “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” C. G