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YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
Module1
How to Develop a “Great” Self-esteem
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FAITH INSTITUTE
www.faithinstitute.org
Faith Institute of Entrepreneurship, Inc c/o D.Harold Greene 1712 Signature Place
Wilmington, NC 28405 (910) 679-4318
Since 2008, We Have Trained and Certified over 800 Master Trainers and Over 500 Organizations Staff Members Nationwide and Worldwide
Co-Authors
D. Harold Greene
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Oletha M.Sloan
YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
Co-Author
About Oletha Sloan, Author
CEO, Showtime Productions
Executive Director, Vogue Modeling Workshop
A native of Pittsburg, Pennsylvania, Ms. Sloan was a former professional model for Sak’s Fifth Avenue of New York City, New York. She is also a former makeup artist for five leading cosmetic companies, which include Elizabeth Arden, Flori Roberts and Fashion Fair.
Ms. Sloan is presently the CEO of Showtime Productions, a company that produces fashion shows, modeling workshops and live entertainment shows.
For “YES YOU CAN!” workshop information call:
(910) 679-4319
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YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
Co-Author About D. Harold Greene, Author
D. Harold Greene, CCMT, is a Certified Community Master Trainer and the founder / Executive Director of Faith Institute of Entrepreneurship, Inc., a non-profit corporation dedicated to improving the lives of at-risk males and adults.
He is a former adjunct continuing education staff member at Prince George’s County, Ann Arundel County and Howard County Community Colleges in Maryland, with over twenty combined years of adult continuing education training experience.
Mr. Greene is also a staff development train-the-trainer consultant, an author and a publisher of self-help books, online workshops and DVD's.
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We Have Over 850 Master Trainers Nationwide
Since 2008, we have trained the staff of :
Chicago Area Project United Planning Organization Prince Georges County Maryland Public Schools, Prince Georges County Parent Liaison, Chatham County NC - Project Turnaround, Ballou High School, Washington, D.C., CDC of Tampa Florida, Cheraw South Carolina Family Workshop City of Dunn North Carolina Police Dept. Communities in School - Pitt County New Hanover County Dept of Social Services Communities in School, Wilkesboro, NC, Communities in Schools Richmond, VA, Richmond Public Schools South Carolina Department of Education Wayne County Public School System, Edgecombe County Public Schools, Project Build, Raleigh, NC. Friends of Mississippi, Jacksonville Mississippi Operation Breakthrough, Raleigh, NC, Westside Youth Opportunity Center, Baltimore, MD Wayne County Board of Education, NW Piedmont Council of Governments, United Way Tar River Region, Piedmont Mediation Center, Statesville, NC Cincinnati Hamilton CCA City of Annapolis, MD Black Chamber of Commerce - Bakersfield, CACCAP, Inc., Fayetteville, NC Prince Georges County Detention Center, Davidson County Community Action, Inc. Graspp / United Way, Rocky Mount, NC First State CAA, Milford, DE Goldsboro YMCA Jericho Reentry Program Johnston County Public Schools McDowell County Public Schools New Vision Training Center, Richmond, VA Phoenix Rising, Inc., Fayetteville, NC PG Cty Office of Family & Community Services SCCADA - TYLER, TX Service Source Program, Alexandria, VA SER of Houston, TX Strategies2Succeed - Virgin Islands, USA The Raw Program—Durham, NC Trinity Comprehensive Services, Rocky Mt, NC Warren County Youth Services Virginia Department of Social Services Wolo Cape Fear And more…………………………….
Introduction What this Book Will Do For You What is Self -Esteem ? What is Self-Esteem The Importance of Self-Esteem Formal Definition of Self-Esteem Influences of Self-Esteem The Past Does Matter The Influences of Others Parents Your Friends Your Teachers Workplace
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YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
Television, Movies and Music
Letting Go of the Old Ways
What is Low Self-Esteem?
What Causes Low Self-Esteem ?
How Bad Relationship Can Effect Self-Esteem
Jealousy
Select. Don’t Settle
Unhealthy Self-Esteem
Recognizing Self-Esteem
What Self-Esteem is Not
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YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
By attending this training, you will learn how to develop a successful life skills and self-esteem program that will lead to good life choices and career goals.
A “YES YOU CAN!” Self-esteem Manual for Women (a $ 19.95 retail value) is included in the cost of the workshop.
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This Workshop will :
• Teach you the basic self-esteem skills that are needed to make good life decisions.
• It will provide you with manuals and other training materials to help you to learn self-esteem enhancement skills that are necessary for success in life.
• You also will learn self-confidence and self-pride enhancement skills.
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YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
This Workshop will :
• You will learn how to decide on a life purpose.
• This training will help you to develop a self-esteem program that will get you positive results that are needed for a better life.
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YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Training for Women Workshops
What is Self-esteem?
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“Self-esteem is a term used in psychology
to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or
appraisal of his or her own worth.”
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What is Self-esteem ?
What is Self-esteem ?
The word ‘self’ means a persons nature, character and personal interest. Let’s divide the word self:
• S Survival;
• E Equip yourself with positive vibes;
• L Living your life to the fullest;
• F Having faith in yourself, in your dreams and in your goals and accomplishments.
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Self-esteem is a concept of personality, for if it is to grow, we need to have self worth, and this self worth will be sought from embracing challenges that result in the showing of success.
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The Importance of Self-esteem !
Signs of Poor Self-esteem !
Some Signs of
Poor Self-esteem
Millions of people across the world suffer from low self-esteem that haunts them every single day.
Often times, poor self-esteem begins during childhood and continues throughout adulthood
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Signs of Poor Self-esteem !
1. You are a Perfectionist.
2. You Can’t Take a Genuine Compliment.
3. You Make Decisions Based on the Guilt Factor.
4. Your Feelings are Fragile.
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Signs of Poor Self-esteem !
5. You Feel Frustrated and Angry.
6. You Bite Off More Than You Can Chew.
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Self-esteem Includes the Following Primary Properties:
1. Self-esteem as a basic human need is indispensable to normal and healthy self-development, and it has a value for survival."
2. Self-esteem is an automatic and inevitable consequence of the sum of individuals' choices in using their consciousness
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Self-esteem Includes the Following Primary Properties:
3. Self-esteem is something experienced as a part of, or background to, all of the individuals thoughts, feelings and actions.
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A Formal Definition of
Self-esteem • The original definition presents self-esteem as
a ratio found by dividing one’s successes in areas of life of importance by the failures in them or one’s “success / failure quotient.
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A Formal Definition of
Self-esteem • In the mid 1960s social-learning theorists
defined self-esteem in terms as a stable sense of personal worth or worthiness,
• "...the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness".
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The Sum of All That a Person Can Call His Own
• The “ Material Me”
• The “Social Me”
• The “Spiritual Me”
Source: William James and Stanley Coppersmith
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THE “SPIRITUAL ME” ………….has little to do with formal or organized religion; it has more to do with your understanding of your thoughts, desires, dreams and feeling.
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The Influences of Self-esteem
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The Past Does Matter
• How do you get to this place in your life where you are wonderfully familiar and sometimes unfamiliar with what is happening to you right now?
• I don’t remember saying to myself, “I’m going to have positive, healthy self-esteem or negative unhealthily self-esteem.”
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The Past Does Matter
• So, how does it all happen? Who and what are the things in your life that influence how you think, feel and act?
• In your quest for healthy self-esteem, it is important to “look back” and understand some of the habits, customs and characteristics that you have today.
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Getting Involved With the Wrong People
• Finding the right people to be with is challenging.
• This may be the most difficult task that you will encounter throughout your life.
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Getting Involved With the Wrong People
• So how do you avoid the pitfalls involved in choosing the friends, business associates, mentors, girl friends, mates or even family members who are the right people to be with?
• First, learn to identify the wrong people. There are several examples:
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Getting Involved With the Wrong People
Stay away from these types of people:
The Gossip
The Shamer
The Discounter
The Blamer
The Drainer
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THE GOSSIP
• This type of person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs.
• The gossip gets their energy from stories and opinions that they form and tell about other peoples lives.
• If they talk about other people, they will certainly talk about you.
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THE SHAMER
• This person can be hazardous to your health.
• The shamer may cut you off when you are talking, criticize you, reprimand you or even make fun of you in front of others.
• They will often try to convince you that their criticism is for your own good.
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THE SHAMER
• They will often try to convince you that their criticism is for your own good.
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THE DISCOUNTER
• This person challenges everything that you say or do.
• Often, they have a strong need to be right and often find fault with yours and others opinions.
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THE DISCOUNTER
• It is often exhausting to have a conversation with a discounter, so you often will give in to their opinions or decisions, whether good or bad.
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THE BLAMER
• This person likes to hear themselves talking negatively.
• They constantly complain about what is not working in their lives, but they are just getting their energy from complaining and dumping their frustrations on you.
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THE BLAMER
• Ignore these people. They are really difficult to deal with.
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THE DRAINER
• This is a needy person who calls you to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice and most often your money.
• They always ask for your help in making them feel better in the moment.
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THE DRAINER
• Most often, their conversation revolves around themselves, and you often feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.
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YOUR LIFE MAY BE FULL OF PEOPLE TRYING TO DRAIN YOUR ENERGY.
BE AWARE OF THESE FIVE THAT WE DISCUSSED, BUT ALSO BE AWARE OF THE OTHER “LIFE DRAINERS” OUT THERE.
BE NICE TO THEM, BUT TRY TO AVOID THEM !
Origin of Negative Behavior
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Needy
Core-of- Hurt Environment
Core-of-Hate Environment
Taker
• There are only two toxic personalities in your home or in your life that would cause you to act negatively, either a
Core-of-Hate Personality or a Core-of-Hurt Personality.
• With either type of personality, your best intentions may defeat you in the end.
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Why Does She Acts This Way ?
• To avoid this outcome, you need to identify the core or home environment personality that is the cause of negative personality traits.
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Why Does She Acts This Way ?
• This next section will teach you how to identify the personality traits of a person with low self-esteem and to determine what dominant personality is in the home environments or life that is causing them to act the way they acts.
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Why Does She Acts This Way ?
Core-of-Hate Personality
• These people are at war with the world and every thing in it. They are often very nice and charming at first.
• Watch out, they are really competitive (I’ve got to have the best), adversarial (Don’t tell me what to do!), and usually belligerent (You are no good and you don’t have anything to offer me!)
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Core-of-Hate Personality
• They turn every disagreement into a confrontation and quickly try to gain the upper hand.
• They can’t and even scornful. stand to lose. They are self-centered
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Core-of-Hate Personality
• You may become afraid of getting hurt (physically or verbally) by them.
• They will often try to deflate your goals and aspirations.
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How to Deal with a Person from a Core-of-Hate Home Environment
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This person will often be quiet and often an introvert.
They will be a follower, often led into bad situations by others in there group or gang.
They have a low level of self-esteem that will make them unsuccessful in making decisions.
How to Deal with a Person from a Core-of-Hate Home Environment
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They lack confidence and discipline. They are not willing to change from their current life situation.
They do fairly well in life, but they just barely get by.
Core-of-Hurt Personality
• These people are more frustrating than hurtful.
• You have to be extra careful not to hurt their feelings.
• They take everything personally, and instead of lashing out, they retreat and make you feel sorry for them.
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Core-of-Hurt Personality
• They often feel unloved and unworthy.
• They normally won’t encourage your success.
• If you don’t be careful, you’ll spend more time trying to encourage them to help themselves then you spend trying to improve yourself.
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Core-of-Hurt Personality
• They put your life at a standstill.
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How to Deal with a Person from a Core-of-Hurt Home Environment
This person will often be highly verbal and often an extrovert.
They have great leadership qualities, but they often lead others in their group or gang into bad situations.
They will have a high level of self-esteem that will be used ONLY in negative situations.
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How to Deal with a Person from a Core-of-Hurt Home Environment
They have confidence and discipline, but they are used ONLY in negative situations.
They are not willing to change from their current life situation because of their success at what they do.
They fail in most things that they do and are often at-risk of dropping out of life.
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Core-of-Health Personality
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These people are definitely the type of people that can help you.
They are open-minded, confident and independent.
They also have a good sense of humor.
Core-of-Health Personality
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They are the kind of people that are able to be on your side and committed to you the rest of your life.
They are loyal, honest and sincere.
They don’t hold grudges and when they are hurt, they bounce back quickly without being mad.
Core-of-Health Personality
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They will often encourage you in every aspect of your life journey. These are the people to turn to in times of need.
Self-esteem Training
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Self-esteem Training
• The degree to which you feel attachment to people in your early life affects the way you relate to people for the rest of your life.
• As a child, your identity and self-esteem are tied not only to your parents and family members, but also to what you see and feel in the real world around you.
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Self-esteem Training
• Perhaps your family has the greatest influence on the development side of your self-esteem and in the way your life is developed over a lifetime.
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Lack of Self-esteem
• Lack of self-esteem becomes the main ingredient in a life of fear, failure and self-hate.
• If no one believes in you, then you will have a very hard time believing in yourself.
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Lack of Self-esteem
• Try to be around people, especially adults, who show you unconditional love and acceptance.
• Stay away from degrading, humiliating and negative people.
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The Causes of Unhealthy Self-esteem
People who come from a family structure that is not supportive and unresponsive to their needs; who lack positive communication; and who are detached from the everyday emotions tend to develop unhealthy characteristics such as:
• They feel Insecure.
• They feel like victims.
• They lack respect for self and others.
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The Causes of Unhealthy Self-esteem
• They are unresponsive
• They are uncaring and unable to give or receive love
• They feel lonely, fearful and over anxious
• They are unsure of their own true identity.
• They don’t trust other people
• They need to be in control and they are sometimes
manipulative.
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Parents
• We are all products of the way our parents raise us and their training guidance. If you were not loved during your childhood, this may influence how you raise your children.
• If you have a problem with loving and trusting others, this may be directly related to how you were treated as a child.
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Friends
• As you move from the influences of your parents, you will begin to be influenced by your friends.
• If you think back, your self-esteem has been affected by your relationship from childhood to this present moment.
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Friends
• These relationships play a vital and crucial role in your life, your beliefs and in your action.
• Those friends that touch our lives and those whom you trust the most, will give you the strength that you need to believe in yourself.
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Teachers and Workplace
• Teachers are among your earliest influence. You spend more time with your teacher than you spend with your family.
• They have a tremendous influence over what you learn and how you feel about yourself and your self-esteem.
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Teachers and Workplace
• A boss can contribute to your having low self-esteem, if you are not being treated respectfully on the job.
• A dictator in the workplace can be very intimidating and also stressful.
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Television, Movies and Music
• America’s pastime – television, videos, movies and music also has a great influence on your self-esteem and self-confidence.
• What does all of this have to do with your self-esteem? These media have a lot to do with your self-esteem.
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Television, Movies and Music
• So many mixed messages are sent from television, video and other medias. So much, that you may become unsure of the differences between reality and fiction.
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Letting Go of the Old Ways
You need to clean the cobwebs and badly blemished mirrors of your own mind.
In this way, you are less likely to allow criticism from others; bad memories and bad decisions that you made linger for years and years.
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Letting Go of the Old Ways
It will be nearly impossible to clear those old ways from your mind.
A healthy self-esteem enjoys a mind and spirit that is cleared of our past bad memories, decisions and actions.
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What is Low Self-Esteem ?
• Self-esteem issues seem to be one of the strongest emotions that challenge women today.
• This is a woman’s first worry when she awakens, and her last worry before she goes to sleep.
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What is Low Self-Esteem ?
• When a person is suffering from low self-esteem it becomes a very serious issue for her and her family friends.
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What Causes Low Self-Esteem ?
• Many women have low self-esteem because of past trauma.
• When pain and loss happens in your life.
• You have a choice, to suffer and to be a victim, or learn to mature, and let go!
• Let God!
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• Some men can detect desperation and weakness in a woman. And they prey on this.
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• We sometimes allow the need for a man and the desire for mental and physical love to control our minds and bodies because we are lonely and in need of companionship.
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• If you are not careful and you do not choose your man wisely, you will eventually end up with frazzled nerves and broken heart.
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• “We sometimes allow the need of a man, and the desire for mental and physical love to control our minds and bodies because we are lonely and in need of companionship”;
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• “It is so amazing to think how we as woman lose so much time in gaining peace of mind and self respect, because a bad relationship has caused us to be hurt, lonely and weak”.
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• “As long as you keep toxic relationships in your life, good relationships will avoid you.”
• “Get rid of negative people. They stop you from moving on to the positive things that life offers you.”
Exerts from the “YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Manual for Women by Oletha Sloan
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• “Another unhealthy characteristic of low-self esteem is looking for “love” or affection from anyone you meet.”
• “These feelings come from years of convincing yourself that you are not really worthy of true and authentic love because there is something wrong with you.”
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Bad Relationship with a Man
• “So as you feel unworthy, you search for anyone who will show you the least amount of attention.”
• “The main reason why you may settle for this fantasy version of love is to obtain a commitment, security, attachment, identity or purpose.”
Exerts from the “YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Manual for Women by Oletha Sloan
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Select, Don’t Settle
Why aren’t you selective? Here is what you may be thinking:
I’m getting older, I better get someone as soon as possible !
I will never find another man if I don’t try now !
I don’t want to live the rest of my life alone !
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Select, Don’t Settle
Something is better than nothing !
All of the above sounds like a self-esteem problem. With a positive attitude, you should expect to find a good person and a good relationship.
Exerts from the “YES YOU CAN ! Self-esteem Manual for Women by Oletha Sloan
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The Effects of Unhealthy Self-Esteem
What People Think it Does!
• There are those who think that people who suffer with self-esteem issues are introverts who never leave home;
• Are individuals who are submissive and oppressed, or people who fail at family, career, and friendships;
• And people who are always involved in self-destructive, self-sabotaging activities.
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The Effects of Unhealthy Self-Esteem
What if Does !
When unhealthy self-esteem wanders into your life at the time and place of its choosing, it sometimes masks itself as depression, fear, anxiety, or feelings of utter worthlessness.
The lack of self-esteem knows no boundaries and has a mind all its own. It is relentless unless you learn how to recognize it, and deny it from affecting your life.
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Unhealthy Self-Esteem
(1) What is the Truth !
This is not true. The lack of self-esteem certainly causes many people to be introverted or have poor relationships.
Generally speaking, people with self-esteem problems are not the only people who have self-esteem issues.
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Unhealthy Self-Esteem
(2) What is the Truth !
People with self-esteem issues come from every walk of life; they are doctors, lawyers, teachers, blue-collar workers and professional and so forth.
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What Self-Esteem Isn’t
• Sometimes it is easier to understand what self-esteem really is by looking at what it is not.
• You may recognize many of the following traits from experiences yourself or by witnessing them in other people.
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What Self-Esteem Isn’t
• Low self-esteem is a powerful and scary word, but it is a fact of life for people who suffer from it.
• It is amazing how many people still joke about self-esteem as if it were a word made up to explain away a sickness.
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What Self-Esteem Isn’t
• Unhealthy self-esteem affects your career, your relationships, your behavior, and you psychological well being.
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Negative Behavior and Attitudes
• Self –esteem definitely has its benefits. This list includes some of the negative behaviors and attitudes associated with an unhealthy self-esteem.
• You decide if these attitudes or behaviors have ever crippled you in some way or if you recognized these characters in yourself or other people.
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Negative Behavior and Attitudes
People with Low Self-esteem Have Tendencies To:
1. Act immature and have poor interpersonal skills;
2. Participate in self-destructive behaviors;
3. Become angry and lose their temper quickly;
4. Sacrifice their identity for the sake of “fitting in”;
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Negative Behavior and Attitudes
People with Low Self-esteem Have Tendencies To:
5. Dodge reality and unpleasant situations.
6: Enjoy the demise or humiliation of others.
7: Criticize themselves and others frequently.
8. Engage in self-sabotage.
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Ways to Improve Self-esteem
• Let Go of All Old Ways.
• Clear Up Your Past.
• Forget Your Past.
• Learn from Mistakes.
• Don’t Run from the Past.
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Ways to Improve Self-esteem
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As you look back and begin to examine your life, you have to decide that it is time to break from the past and move on. The goal is to take charge of the change in your life.
Ways to Improve Self-esteem
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Don’t wait for someone else to change it for you. No one is going to find you a better job, put money into your bank account or take care of you better than you can take care of yourself.
So change your thinking, develop a plan and change the way that you live now.
Ways to Improve Self-esteem
Self-Talk
• Self-talk is a term used to describe how you speak to yourself on a daily basis.
• One way to boost your self-esteem is to feel good about yourself and to tell yourself how you feel every day
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Ways to Improve Self-esteem
Self-Talk
• Positive self-talk is a definite motivator.
• Positive self-talk is also a great way to stimulate your mind and to convince yourself that you love you.
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Ways to Improve Self-esteem
Self- Love
• Self-love means showing you respect, compassion and kindness.
• Fill yourself with thoughts of love for yourself.
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Ways to Improve Self-esteem
Self- Love
• Be willing to forgive yourself for mistakes made in the past.
• You must feel happy even when it is not a happy time.
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Ways to Improve Self-esteem
Self- Love
• Remember that God loves you!
• Surround yourself with positive people who believe in you and who love you.
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Self-Promoting Yourself
Discover You……...
• Think About the Good Things in Your Life.
• What is Your Favorite Activity?
• What is Your Favorite Movie ?
• What is Your Favorite Vacation Place?
• What is the Best Thing You Have Ever Done for Yourself?
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Self-Promoting Yourself
Discover You………
• What is the Best Thing You Have Done for Another Person?
• Convert your self-disappointment into self-determination.
• What makes You Proud of Yourself ?
• What is the Best Thing You Have Ever Done to Promote Yourself?
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Embracing the Lesson
As you look back on your life, and examine the past, you have to decide that it is time to move on.
Your goal is to take charge of your life in order to change your life.
Today, begins the process of healing and closing old memories.
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Embracing the Lesson
Today, admit that the past is over and no degree of anxiety can
change that.
Tomorrow……, today will be the past.
Work one day at a time to make changes in your life.
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Committing to Change
• You alone have the power to change your life and the situation that you put yourself in.
• Taking responsibility for your own actions is crucial if you are going to beat the self-destructive habits of self-defeating behavior.
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Committing to Change
• You can stop self-defeating behavior.
• Do it NOW !
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Self-esteem for Life
Self-esteem for Life
Look at your life from many angles and make a decision to go forward on your quest for healthy self-esteem.
Now, your job will be to keep up the progress that you have made.
Your job will be to keep your new life out of the ravages of your past especially your negative past. Now, this is your job for life.,
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What You Need to Do to Obtain
Self-esteem for Life
1. Self Acceptance.
2. Become What You Want to Be.
3. Set Goals For Your Life.
4. Take Charge of Your Life.
5. Forgive Your Past.
6. Practice Optimism.
7. Set Goals for Your Personal Success.
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Take Charge of Your Life
• Your goal is to take charge of changes in your life. Don’t wait for someone else to change it for you.
• No one is going to find you a better job or put money in your bank account, or take care of you better than you can take care of yourself.
• So change your thinking, develop a plan and change the way you are living.
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Take Charge of Your Life
• So change your thinking, develop a plan and change the way you are living.
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Be True to Yourself
• Don’t compare your life to others because you have no idea what their journey is all about.
• What Others think of you is none of your business.
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Be True to Yourself
• When you are feeling down, write a list of all your blessings.
• Don’t waste your energy on issues of the past, gossiping.
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Be True to Yourself
• Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
THANK YOU
GOOD LUCK ! 119
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Why Train and Certify a Community Master Trainer?
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Training and certifying a community master trainer" means identifying an existing staff person, or several staff members, who have some training expertise.
Why Train and Certify a Community Master Trainer?
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It also means teaching this person to train other staff members and community at-risk youth and adults on community centric topics using FIE life skills, self-esteem and self-sufficiency training materials.
Why Train and Certify a Community Master Trainer?
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An effective train the trainer programs will teach trainers such skills as how to facilitate a meeting, how to deal with students who are having trouble, and how to teach implementing the program once the training is completed.
Each – One – Teach - One
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Continuing Education Workshops
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Online & DVD Workshops
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To register for any of these workshops call:
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Online & DVD Workshops
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To register for any of these workshops call:
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Online & DVD Workshops
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