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ESSAY WRITING PLANNER
STEP 1: QUESTION THE QUESTION
This is ALWAYS the first step! Don’t be afraid to spend at least five minutes planning your essay!
1. Underline / highlight key terms
2. Define key terms; find synonyms; brainstorm ideas; outline related examples (including symbols/meta-‐
language, etc)
3. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS consider not only the WHO, WHAT, WHEN and WHERE, but also the HOW and
the WHY!!! ;)
4. Re-‐write the essay question in your own words.
Essay question:
CONSIDER ALL POSSIBILITIES: Challenge the question!
YES NO DEPENDS
RE-‐WRITE THE ESSAY QUESTION IN YOUR OWN WORDS:
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STEP 3: DEVELOP YOUR CONTENTION
Do you agree / disagree / partly agree with the essay question? Why? (*Note: if you want to be really thorough,
you may want to draw up a T-‐Chart and brainstorm arguments both ‘for’ and ‘against’ the essay topic)
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STEP 3: ORGANISE YOUR KEY IDEAS; BRAINSTORM RELEVANT EVIDENCE
Key Idea 1:
Key Idea 2:
Key Idea 3: Key Idea:
Textual Examples /Evidence: HOW? Associated symbols or motifs: Language/ literary techniques/ tone/style/ structure
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
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STEP 4: DRAFT / WRITE YOUR ESSAY, USING CORRECT ESSAY STRUCTURE (TEEL)
Some essay writing rules:
• Must always use formal language (no “I”, “me” or “you”; no contractions, e.g., write “did not” instead of “didn’t”.
• Each paragraph must look at one key argument / idea. • Each paragraph must be structured using TEEL
T E E L
Turn your key ideas into strong TOPIC SENTENCES:
KEY IDEA TOPIC SENTENCE: 1.
2.
3.
4.
TOPIC SENTENCE: Your topic sentence must state the main argument (or key idea) of your paragraph. It should also link to the essay topic and put forward your argument in some way. Try to make a VIEWS and VALUES statement about the author’s intention… and discuss HOW they are getting this across by using metalanguage (i.e., Through the sympathetic characterization of…. , the writer suggests that….. OR… Through the setting of ________, the writer highlights / symbolizes ______)
EVIDENCE: You should select at least three pieces of relevant evidence to support your
argument. Integrate QUOTES throughout your discussion, and refer to LITERARY TECHNIQUES and TEXT CONSTRUCTION as evidence.
EXPLANATION: Provide an explanation of your evidence. Why is it significant? What is it
suggesting to the reader? How is it suggesting this? LINK: Write a sentence which links your key idea back to your contention, and/or
to the next paragraph. MENTION THE AUTHOR’S MESSAGE AGAIN.
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ESSAY PLANNER: INTRODUCTION WHAT YOU NEED TO DO: EXAMPLE ESSAY QUESTION 1:
‘Bill’s here baby’. All About Eve suggests that women must choose a relationship over a career. To what extent do you agree?
EXAMPLE ESSAY QUESTION 2: “I had my own dreams of transformation..” The reader feels that Toby and his mother are never going to be able to improve their lives. Do you agree?
1. INTRODUCE TEXT AND ESSAY QUESTION: Introduce the text in your own words. Directly link this statement to the essay topic/re-‐write the essay topic in your own words!!! If you can, open with a strong VIEWS AND VALUES statement about the AUTHOR’S MESSAGE on the essay topic.
Joseph Mankiewicz’s classic film, ‘All About Eve’ (1950) explores the challenges women face when they want both a relationship and a career.
Wolff’s memoir This Boy’s Life positions its readers to question the ability of Tobias and his mother to ‘change [their] luck’.
2. CONTEXT: Introduce the historical/social context of the memoir, remembering to link it to the essay question in some way.
Set in the midst of the post-‐war conservative backlash -‐ in a society where women were expected to be homemakers and mothers -‐ the women in the film are caged by societal norms that prevent them from ‘having it all’: they must choose between a career in the theatre or family life.
In the midst of the post-war conservative backlash the pair are caged by societal norms that prevent them from achieving their ‘dreams of transformation.’
3. Outline your key ideas/arguments (you must have at least three, though at VCE, it’s better to have four)!!! ;) If you can, use meta-‐language to explain HOW the writer/director demonstrates these key ideas
Nevertheless, there is sadness in this, for through Margo’s internal conflict, Mankiewicz highlights the difficulties faced with such a choice; and his audience are accordingly asked to sympathise with her dilemma.1 Furthermore, although Karen and Lloyd are seemingly happily married, it is clear that the artistically talented and well-‐educated Karen feels discontent over the fact that the only thing she has to offer in life is ‘loving [her] husband’. 2 However, Mankiewicz also demonstrates the dangers of giving up everything simply for one’s career, as demonstrated through the vicious and cunning Eve. 3 Finally, in stark contrast to the women – who are forced to make a choice – the men in the film are able to both sustain a successful career and contented marriage. 4
Furthermore, Tobias’ impracticality and sense of entitlement lead him to reject opportunities. Despite this, the memoir ends on an optimistic note.
4. State your contention, referring to the AUTHOR’S/DIRECTOR’S MESSAGE or EFFECT ON READER (i.e., make a “views and values” statement – Wolff’s memoir suggests that… Mankiewicz’s film suggests that….).
Thus, despite the fact that Margo ends up happily married (to the one man who accepts her for who she truly is, the lovely Bill Sampson), Mankiewicz still subtly questions the stereotypical gender roles of his time.
The reader closes the novel with the belief that the lessons the pair have learned throughout their journey may offer them a chance to improve their lives.
Possible Linking Words
Use linking words in your essays to improve the flow of your ideas ;)
Additionally Furthermore Moreover Likewise In addition
However Nevertheless Even so
Similarly Correspondingly At the same time
In contrast In comparison On the other hand
Accordingly Consequently Therefore Thus As such In doing so In turn, Ultimately
Although Even though Whilst While Whereas Despite this
Use evaluative words/phrases: Condemns Criticises Challenges Questions Warns Cautions Alerts
Supports Endorses Suggests Implies Argues
Expresses Illustrates Highlights Emphasises Underlines Accentuates Stresses
Epitomizes Exemplifies Characterises Embodies Represents Symbolises Typifies
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PARA 1 -‐ First Key Idea: Topic Sentence
• MUST argue a point !
• MUST include a VIEWS/VALUES statement which highlights the intention of the author or the text, OR
• SHOULD TRY to suggest HOW the writer is making this point (i.e., use meta-‐language)
YOUR GO:
Evidence and Explanation
Evidence 1:
Explanation / effect:
Evidence 2: Evidence 3: Meta-‐language: (how does Mankiewicz’s use of filmic devices further support / highlight this key idea)? Are there any SYMBOLS which can be used to highlight your main point?
Link (link your discussion back to the main contention, your topic sentence, or to the next key argument)
Therefore/ thus/ accordingly … it is clear that….
SYMBOLS / MOTIFS: -‐ Eve’s Award, the ‘Sarah
Siddons Award’ -‐ Mirrors -‐ Staircases -‐ Flowers -‐ Gun -‐ Doors -‐ Gatherings -‐ etc
FILMIC DEVICES: Mis-‐en-‐scene: -‐ Colour/Lighting -‐ Costumes -‐ Setting -‐ Props -‐ Acting (tone of voice, mannerisms, appearance, expressions, body language, etc) Cinematography: -‐ Camera shots -‐ Camera angles -‐ Camera movement Editing Sound: -‐ Music -‐ Dialogue -‐ Diagetic sound (realistic sounds, found within the world of the film) -‐ Non-‐diagetic sound (sounds that have been added in, e.g., the voice-‐overs) Structure/style/genre: -‐ Film noir -‐ Theatre du filme -‐ Contrasts/juxtapositions -‐ Free frame, flashback
SAMPLE TOPIC SENTENCES: • Through the characterization of Margo, whom the audience is encouraged to sympathise with, Mankiewicz
highlights the internal conflict woman in the 1950s faced when having to choose between a career and family.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz suggests that those who manipulate others for personal gain will ultimately be left morally corrupt, empty and alone.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz condemns those who manipulate and betray others for their own personal gain.
• The emptiness in Eve’s life is accentuated through the scenes set within her apartment. • Thus, throughout the film the audience is positioned to condemn they way in which Eve treats those
around her. • Throughout the film, Mankiewicz continuously contrasts Eve’s pretence with Margo’s authenticity to
accentuate the fact that to find true, everlasting success in the theatre – and ultimately in all facets life – one must value honesty, integrity and loyalty above all else.
• Although Margo has allowed fame to go to her head, and has a tendency to treat those around her as her “supporting cast”, she still surrounds herself with honest – and at times, brutally honest – people.
WRITING ON FILM VOCAB: This is highlighted/emphasised/accentuated/shown/demonstrated/observed/illustrated/ conveyed in the scene where/when …… [describe scene] The [camera shot] of the [describe object/what the shot is of] is used to highlight/emphasise/accentuate/illustrate/convey/demonstrate/show The [film technique] creates/evokes a sense of [describe feeling]
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PARA 2 -‐ Second Key Idea: Topic Sentence
• MUST argue a point !
• MUST include a VIEWS/VALUES statement which highlights the intention of the author or the text, OR
• SHOULD TRY to suggest HOW the writer is making this point (i.e., use meta-‐language)
YOUR GO:
Evidence and Explanation
Evidence 1:
Explanation / effect:
Evidence 2: Evidence 3: Meta-‐language: (how does Mankiewicz’s use of filmic devices further support / highlight this key idea)? Are there any SYMBOLS which can be used to highlight your main point?
Link (link your discussion back to the main contention, your topic sentence, or to the next key argument)
Therefore/ thus/ accordingly … it is clear that….
SYMBOLS / MOTIFS: -‐ Eve’s Award, the ‘Sarah
Siddons Award’ -‐ Mirrors -‐ Staircases -‐ Flowers -‐ Gun -‐ Doors -‐ Gatherings -‐ etc
FILMIC DEVICES: Mis-‐en-‐scene: -‐ Colour/Lighting -‐ Costumes -‐ Setting -‐ Props -‐ Acting (tone of voice, mannerisms, appearance, expressions, body language, etc) Cinematography: -‐ Camera shots -‐ Camera angles -‐ Camera movement Editing Sound: -‐ Music -‐ Dialogue -‐ Diagetic sound (realistic sounds, found within the world of the film) -‐ Non-‐diagetic sound (sounds that have been added in, e.g., the voice-‐overs) Structure/style/genre: -‐ Film noir -‐ Theatre du filme -‐ Contrasts/juxtapositions -‐ Freeze frame / flashback
WRITING ON FILM VOCAB: This is highlighted/emphasised/accentuated/shown/demonstrated/observed/illustrated/ conveyed in the scene where/when …… [describe scene] The [camera shot] of the [describe object/what the shot is of] is used to highlight/emphasise/accentuate/illustrate/convey/demonstrate/show The [film technique] creates/evokes a sense of [describe feeling]
SAMPLE TOPIC SENTENCES: • Through the characterization of Margo, whom the audience is encouraged to sympathise with, Mankiewicz
highlights the internal conflict woman in the 1950s faced when having to choose between a career and family.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz suggests that those who manipulate others for personal gain will ultimately be left morally corrupt, empty and alone.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz condemns those who manipulate and betray others for their own personal gain.
• The emptiness in Eve’s life is accentuated through the scenes set within her apartment. • Thus, throughout the film the audience is positioned to condemn they way in which Eve treats those
around her. • Throughout the film, Mankiewicz continuously contrasts Eve’s pretence with Margo’s authenticity to
accentuate the fact that to find true, everlasting success in the theatre – and ultimately in all facets life – one must value honesty, integrity and loyalty above all else.
• Although Margo has allowed fame to go to her head, and has a tendency to treat those around her as her “supporting cast”, she still surrounds herself with honest – and at times, brutally honest – people.
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PARA 3 -‐ Third Key Idea: Topic Sentence
• MUST argue a point !
• MUST include a VIEWS/VALUES statement which highlights the intention of the author or the text, OR
• SHOULD TRY to suggest HOW the writer is making this point (i.e., use meta-‐language)
YOUR GO:
Evidence and Explanation
Evidence 1:
Explanation / effect:
Evidence 2: Evidence 3: Meta-‐language: (how does Mankiewicz’s use of filmic devices further support / highlight this key idea)? Are there any SYMBOLS which can be used to highlight your main point?
Link (link your discussion back to the main contention, your topic sentence, or to the next key argument)
Therefore/ thus/ accordingly … it is clear that….
SYMBOLS / MOTIFS: -‐ Eve’s Award, the ‘Sarah
Siddons Award’ -‐ Mirrors -‐ Staircases -‐ Flowers -‐ Gun -‐ Doors -‐ Gatherings -‐ etc
FILMIC DEVICES: Mis-‐en-‐scene: -‐ Colour/Lighting -‐ Costumes -‐ Setting -‐ Props -‐ Acting (tone of voice, mannerisms, appearance, expressions, body language, etc) Cinematography: -‐ Camera shots -‐ Camera angles -‐ Camera movement Editing Sound: -‐ Music -‐ Dialogue -‐ Diagetic sound (realistic sounds, found within the world of the film) -‐ Non-‐diagetic sound (sounds that have been added in, e.g., the voice-‐overs) Structure/style/genre: -‐ Film noir -‐ Theatre du filme -‐ Contrasts/juxtapositions -‐ Freeze frame / flash back
WRITING ON FILM VOCAB: This is highlighted/emphasised/accentuated/shown/demonstrated/observed/illustrated/ conveyed in the scene where/when …… [describe scene] The [camera shot] of the [describe object/what the shot is of] is used to highlight/emphasise/accentuate/illustrate/convey/demonstrate/show The [film technique] creates/evokes a sense of [describe feeling]
SAMPLE TOPIC SENTENCES: • Through the characterization of Margo, whom the audience is encouraged to sympathise with, Mankiewicz
highlights the internal conflict woman in the 1950s faced when having to choose between a career and family.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz suggests that those who manipulate others for personal gain will ultimately be left morally corrupt, empty and alone.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz condemns those who manipulate and betray others for their own personal gain.
• The emptiness in Eve’s life is accentuated through the scenes set within her apartment. • Thus, throughout the film the audience is positioned to condemn they way in which Eve treats those
around her. • Throughout the film, Mankiewicz continuously contrasts Eve’s pretence with Margo’s authenticity to
accentuate the fact that to find true, everlasting success in the theatre – and ultimately in all facets life – one must value honesty, integrity and loyalty above all else.
• Although Margo has allowed fame to go to her head, and has a tendency to treat those around her as her “supporting cast”, she still surrounds herself with honest – and at times, brutally honest – people.
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PARA 4 -‐ Fourth Key Idea: Topic Sentence
• MUST argue a point !
• MUST include a VIEWS/VALUES statement which highlights the intention of the author or the text, OR
• SHOULD TRY to suggest HOW the writer is making this point (i.e., use meta-‐language)
YOUR GO:
Evidence and Explanation
Evidence 1:
Explanation / effect:
Evidence 2: Evidence 3: Meta-‐language: (how does Mankiewicz’s use of filmic devices further support / highlight this key idea)? Are there any SYMBOLS which can be used to highlight your main point?
Link (link your discussion back to the main contention, your topic sentence, or to the next key argument)
Therefore/ thus/ accordingly … it is clear that….
SYMBOLS / MOTIFS: -‐ Eve’s Award, the ‘Sarah
Siddons Award’ -‐ Mirrors -‐ Staircases -‐ Flowers -‐ Gun -‐ Doors -‐ Gatherings -‐ etc
FILMIC DEVICES: Mis-‐en-‐scene: -‐ Colour/Lighting -‐ Costumes -‐ Setting -‐ Props -‐ Acting (tone of voice, mannerisms, appearance, expressions, body language, etc) Cinematography: -‐ Camera shots -‐ Camera angles -‐ Camera movement Editing Sound: -‐ Music -‐ Dialogue -‐ Diagetic sound (realistic sounds, found within the world of the film) -‐ Non-‐diagetic sound (sounds that have been added in, e.g., the voice-‐overs) Structure/style/genre: -‐ Film noir -‐ Theatre du filme -‐ Contrasts/juxtapositions -‐ Freeze frame / flashback
WRITING ON FILM VOCAB: This is highlighted/emphasised/accentuated/shown/demonstrated/observed/illustrated/ conveyed in the scene where/when …… [describe scene] The [camera shot] of the [describe object/what the shot is of] is used to highlight/emphasise/accentuate/illustrate/convey/demonstrate/show The [film technique] creates/evokes a sense of [describe feeling]
SAMPLE TOPIC SENTENCES: • Through the characterization of Margo, whom the audience is encouraged to sympathise with, Mankiewicz
highlights the internal conflict woman in the 1950s faced when having to choose between a career and family.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz suggests that those who manipulate others for personal gain will ultimately be left morally corrupt, empty and alone.
• Through the unsympathetic characterisation of Eve Harrington, Mankiewicz condemns those who manipulate and betray others for their own personal gain.
• The emptiness in Eve’s life is accentuated through the scenes set within her apartment. • Thus, throughout the film the audience is positioned to condemn they way in which Eve treats those
around her. • Throughout the film, Mankiewicz continuously contrasts Eve’s pretence with Margo’s authenticity to
accentuate the fact that to find true, everlasting success in the theatre – and ultimately in all facets life – one must value honesty, integrity and loyalty above all else.
• Although Margo has allowed fame to go to her head, and has a tendency to treat those around her as her “supporting cast”, she still surrounds herself with honest – and at times, brutally honest – people.
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CONCLUSION: 1. Re-‐state the essay question in your own words (make sure you say it a little differently to the way you said it in your intro)!
2. Re-‐state your key ideas
3. Re-‐state your contention in a strong way… leave a lasting impression on your reader!
POSSIBLE LINKING WORDS AND PHRASES TO HELP YOU BUILD AN ANALYTICAL VOCAB
(IN MORE DEPTH THIS TIME):
When introducing
evidence OR an idea:
When starting a new
point
When
comparing/contrasting
When linking
ideas/making a conclusive
statement
This is… • Furthermore,
• Additionally,
• Moreover,
• Significantly,
When emphasising a
similar point:
• Similarly
• Comparably
• Correspondingly
• Likewise
• Again,
• However
• Nevertheless
• Nonetheless
• Yet
• On the other hand,
• In stark contrast
• In comparison
• Not only does the
author suggest
that……… , but he
also puts forward
the idea that …….
• In turn,
• As such,
• Therefore
• Thus
• Hence
• Accordingly
• Concordantly
• Ultimately
• Arguably symbolic
of…
• Perhaps
• Possibly a
representation of
• Undoubtedly this
highlights Wolff’s
idea that….
• Clearly shown when…
• Most likely
• Perhaps most
significantly shown
when…
• Suggested when…
Implies / Suggests / Argues / indicates
Emphasises / highlights / accentuates / underlines / underscores / stresses / illustrates
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ESSAY WRITING TIPS AND HINTS: Integrating quotes into your writing STRATEGY ONE: The book end model
For Example: The boys lose their ability to reason because of their fear of the beast which is highlighted when they kill Simon, “the shrill screaming that rose before the beast was like a pain… [the beast] was crying out against the abominable noise something about a body on the hill.” STRATEGY TWO: The sandwich model This strategy asks you to insert the quote in the middle of your sentence.
For Example: When the boys think Simon is the beast and eventually kill him it is stated that “the shrill screaming that rose before the beast was like a pain… [the beast] was crying out against the abominable noise something about a body on the hill”, highlighting how fear causes the boys to lose their ability to reason and think about what they are actually doing. STRATEGY THREE: Woven quotes model
For Example: As the boys continuously repeat “kill the beast” and “spill his blood” their fear is seen to overtake their ability to reason and therefore they don’t hear Simon “crying out against the abominable noise”.
Note the context of the quote and who said it Insert the quote Supportive statement that explains the importance of the quote. To connect use words like… Highlights; Suggests; Demonstrates; Illustrates; Emphasises
Integrate or weave short, sharp quotes throughout your sentence to support your explanation or interpretation. These quotes should be no more than a couple of words.
Integrate your quote at the end of the sentence to finish off and support the point you have made.
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ESSAY WRITING TIPS AND HINTS: Views and Values Statements Views and values statements refer to what an author’s message is on a particular theme.
Views and Values Sentence Starters:
The text promotes the values of...
(Author) asserts that…
(Author) presents the idea that…
(Author’s) view that… is highlighted by…
(Author) suggests that…
(Author) questions…
USE THIS LANGUAGE:
YOUR TASK: Use the sentence starters below to write your own views and values statements for the three paragraphs: -‐ -‐ -‐ You should also use the theme words and views and values language boxes to generate your sentences.
Theme Words
Views and Values Language
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ESSAY WRITING TIPS AND HINTS:
TOPIC SENTENCE STARETERS
Throughout the film, Mankiewicz uses the recurrent motif of the …………. To ……..
Mankiewicz’s use of harsh
lighting…..
The irony Mankiewicz employs throughout the
text highlights…
Mankiewicz’s honest accounts and matter-‐of-‐fact
tone…
Mankiewicz’s unflattering
portrayal of….
Mankiewicz suggests/
demonstrates/ implies/ questions/ challenges
From the outset of the text,
Mankiewicz….
Through the sympathetic/unsympathetic portrayal/ characterization of…
Mankiewicz’s use of black and white cinematography further highlights the moral ambiguities within the
film…
FOR EXAMPLE: By using the vertical line on the left side the following topic sentence can be created: Wolff’s unsympathetic characterisation of Dwight and Roy challenges the idea of what it meant to be masculine in the 1950s. From the outset of the text Mankiewicz uses the voiceover to … Drawing on the tools of cinema – freeze frame, exposition and manipulation of story-‐time via flashback, the use of selective voice-‐over and the strategic deployment of the camera – Mankiewicz gradually reveals and lays bare Eve's ambition, duplicity, lying, lack of scruples and her amoral nature, leaving little doubt at the conclusion as to how the wheels of time will turn full cycle.
YOUR TASK: Using the grids below create topic sentences for three body paragraphs and write them in your workbooks. You should aim to come up with two to three topic sentences per grid.
T E E L + V
Station Activity: Topic Sentences
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YEAR 12 ENGLISH
VCAA EXAMINER’S REPORT
TEXT RESPONSE
This Boy’s Life
i. “I had my own dreams of transformation...” ���‘The reader feels that Toby and his mother are never going to be able to improve their lives.’ Do you agree?
Wolff’s memoir This Boy’s Life positions its readers to question the ability of Tobias and his mother to ‘change [their] luck’. In the midst of the post-war conservative backlash the pair are caged by societal norms that prevent them from achieving their ‘dreams of transformation.’ Furthermore, Tobias’ impracticality and sense of entitlement lead him to reject opportunities. Despite this, the memoir ends on an optimistic note. The reader closes the novel with the belief that the lessons the pair have learned throughout their journey may offer them a chance to improve their lives.
The societal norms and expectations of the 1950’s post-war America inhibit Tobias and his mother’s ability to transform their lives. Toby’s sense of self worth is completely broken by his inability to meet the era’s stereotypes of masculinity. The notion that he ‘could not break down [his] sense of being at fault to its components’ who he is reveals his inability to reconcile his identity with social expectations. Wolff juxtaposes Toby’s ‘natural’ desire to ‘seek status’ with his complete and total discomfort with this own self. The contrast between the pacifistic and loving young boy who cries at a squirrel’s funeral and the gun-toting, rebellious teenager is a stark one. It reveals the overpowering need that Toby feels to conform. The memoir reveals that way in which Tobias’ need to fit in prevents him from pursuing success. Rather than ‘change [his] luck, as he initially intended, Tobias camouflages himself in the safety of social norms and joins the army. His choice to return to the ‘clear life of uniforms, ranks and weapons’ cements his future. He decides to commit to leading an average life through conformity rather than stay true to his identity and pursue his dreams of ‘status’ and wealth.
Rosemary is similarly trapped by societal customs. Post-war America designates her one position in life: the role of a housewife and mother. This convention cages her, despite her attempts to escape it. The memoir emphasises the perpetual cycle of abuse that Rosemary and her son are subjected to. The opening line of the text, ‘Our car boiled over again.’, demonstrates the repetitive and fruitless nature of Rosemary’s attempts to transform her life. The inability of the 1950’s women to escape from abuse is a prevalent element of the text. It reveals the way in which such situations were treated as normal and largely ignored. The ‘strangeness’ of the cycle of abuse and oppression ‘over the years became normal’ to both Tobias and his mother. Eventually, despite her efforts to ‘run from [men she] was afraid of, Rosemary is unable to escape the pervasive violence in her life. Both she and Tobias adopt the same view of the abuse as the rest of the society does. They opt to ignore it and turn a blind eye ‘languidly [convincing themselves] that the strange noises came from cats.’ Thus, societal expectations prevent Rosemary and Tobias from acheiving their ‘dreams of transformation.’
It is not social norms alone that hinder the pair’s progress in society. Toby’s impractical and idealistic nature also
The following is an example of an upper-range response. This piece shows close meaningful textual analysis and develops a sustained argument. There is an awareness of the topic and exploring its implications throughout the essay. It is a thorough discussion that uses the text well, although better responses found more breadth in the discussion. Its expression is sound without being exceptional. This piece was awarded a score at the lower end of the top range.
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damage his chances of success. He feels a sense of entitlement that prevents him from working hard to improve his circumstances. Toby manages to lie and manipulate his way into a good school, Hill, but does not put any effort to secure his future there. Instead, he considers it his ‘desire and [his] right’ to be a part of this ‘great world.’ Even the prospect of being expelled due to failing classes does not spur him into action. He simply ‘pray[s] like a moslem’ that he will be allowed to stay.
In a similar manner, he also wastes opportunities to escape granted by Mr Bolger who offers him a refuge from Dwight’s abusive household. He is ‘welcomed’ by the family, yet he does nothing to repay their kindness. The troubles he causes them though his actions are forgivable, but his price and inability to take responsibility for his own wrongdoings destroy his chances of remaining in his adoptive home. Tobias refuses to apologise for siphoning fuel out of the neighbours’ trucks. This ‘brings shame’ on him and incites resentment from the Bolgers who have offered him a chance to change his future. Rather than take responsibility for his actions he ‘le[aves] a dummy in [his] place to look sorry...but [he is] nowhere in the neighbourhood.’ This façade of regret ultimately prevents him from finding a new home.
Wolff’s memoir, however, closes on an optimistic note. Toby is once again on the road, ‘posed for flight’, and journeying toward a brighter future. The passage is reminiscent of the opening of the text. The difference, however, is that this time Tobias is equipped with the resilience, resourcefulness and determination that he has gained from his troubled childhood. The final lines of the memoir are full of hope as Tobias shouts ‘hymns’ at the ‘top of [his] lungs’ and drives along the road to an uncertain but optimistic future. This causes the reader to question whether his dreams of transformation have truly been ‘saved’, or whether Toby is simply filled with the same naivety that he possessed at the beginning of the memoir.
The pervasive idea of ‘transformation’ and ‘chang[ing] luck’ in Wolff’s This Boy’s Life are hindered by multiple obstacles. Social norms and Toby’s personal attributes prevent the pair from transforming their lives in the memoir. The reader is left with an overwhelming sense of optimism, however though which Tobias Wolff suggests that these ‘dreams’ may eventually be realised.
By Richa S., Dandenong High School
The following two essays are examples of a upper-range response by a student who received a study score of 48 in English:
Ransom
i. Malouf’s novel highlights the ways in which people can be transformed by grief. Discuss.
David Malouf’s ‘Ransom ‘examines the idea of existentialism, advocating that grief is a pivotal human emotion that contributes to our nature of being. Malouf illustrates the grief of the ordinary through Somax’s transformation
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as a consequence of his “hardships” and “losses”, thus demonstrating that grief is an integral part of life that strengthens our humanity. Contrastingly, Malouf conveys Priam’s grief as a vehicle for transformation and journey of self, demonstrating that his grief in fact forced him to confront his very existence, and dual identity. Achilles’ grief transforms him into an animalistic and primal state, demonstrating his disconnection from fully confronting his loss and pain. Furthermore, Malouf presents Hecuba’s grief as a contrast to the masculine world of war, conveying her rage and thirst for revenge as an instinct fuelled by her maternal connection. Essentially, Malouf affirms that although grief transforms people in different ways, it is indeed a universal emotion that strengthens our sense of “fellow feeling” and understanding of the human condition. Malouf illustrates the grief of the ordinary through Somax, demonstrating this acceptance of such “hardships” strengthens his connection to humanity. It is evident when Somax “brushes” a rough hand across his eyes” that the grief of losing his sons still lingers with him, however he has learned to “go on and endure”. Somax’s tears illustrate that he does not resist human motion overcoming him, however his “rough hand” indicates that the ordinary must not be overcome by such grief as “the fleas go on biting, the sun comes up again”. Somax is positively transformed by this balanced response to his grief, as it strengthens his connection to the human condition. Malouf utilises the symbol of Somax’s mule, Beauty, to frame this transformation in Somax. Although Somax feels like “punching her” he realises that there is no “good in that”, thus acknowledging that such vengeance and spiteful actions would not bring his son back. Rather, Somax finds “comfort” in holding Beauty and “feel[ing] the warmth in her”. Additionally, through the symbol of the Griddlecakes Malouf exemplifies the warmth and tenderness in Somax’s life. Instead of focussing on the widowed daughter in law, the griddlecakes are a beacon of the “golden” aspects that Somax can experience, even though he still grieves for the loss of his sons. Through Somax’s transformation at the hands of grief, Malouf suggests that by confronting our loss, we are indeed able “to go on” and strengthen our connection to humanity. Contrastingly, Priam’s grief prompts him to feel “reduced once more”, thus fuelling his questioning of identity and leading to him learning what it means to be human. Following Hector’s savage death, Priam deals with his loss traditionally, however underlying this “ceremonial stillness”, Priam actually feels “half mad with grief”. Indeed, Priam is reminded of the “road [his] other self went down” and is overwhelmed by an “empty shining” that he feels consumes the world inside his “royal sphere”. Consequently, Priam’s grief encourages him to “take on the lighter bond of being simply a man”, in order to connect with himself, others and with nature. Malouf affirms that these elements are an integral part of the human condition, strengthening this idea through the natural imagery that conditions Priam’s transformation. Indeed, the “cooling water” and the “wheeling and piping of the swifts” have a reviving benefit to Priam’s soul. Malouf suggests that this connection to what is natural and pure is pivotal in becoming fully human, and by valuing nature we are thus able to value life in full. This notion is further supported through the shift from Priam’s disconnection to the natural world and his awakening to such a “prattling” existence. Priam’s profound journey is sparked by his grief, and after such a thorough and intimate exploration of existentialism, he again returns to this “loss” when he regains Hectors corpse. However, in the moment behind the cart, Malouf evokes an immense “cleared and lightened” purity, thus demonstrating that Priam has ultimately reconnected with his humanity and is able to find peace amongst his grief. Priam’s grief transforms him through his journey to reconnect with his nature of being and furthermore to learn what it means to be simply a man. Unlike Priam, Achilles grief transforms him into an animalistic and primal state. It is clear from the beginning that Achilles grief is “inwardly” brewing, fuelling by the loss of his mother and separation from his son, Neoptolemus. This grief is further intensified through Patroclus’ death, the man whom he “needed…before he could become fully himself”. Malouf’s rhythmic and poetic sentence structure strengthens the notion that Achilles is spellbound by his grief, “his spirit set off on its own downward path”. Malouf contrasts this with short and direct sentences such as “feeling nothing”, to exemplify the base nature and barbaric rage that has emerged from within Achilles, numbed from any sense of pity or compassion. Achilles “consuming rage” infiltrates his nature of being, acting as a poison that numbs his ability to control his vengeful actions. Indeed, Achilles knows that desecrating Hector’s body is wrong, but he is so disconnected from himself and “half blind with rage” that he cannot stop. Malouf advocates the importance of connecting and confronting grief in order to become fully human, thus suggesting that
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grieving “silently” and “inwardly” only serves to poison ones humanity. Malouf highlights that Achilles grief fuels a brewing rage and inhuman nature to emerge within him, demonstrating the “downward path” to an “unknown region” ones soul might take if they fail to confront their loss. Furthermore, Malouf highlights the ways in which people are transformed by grief through Hecuba’s loss of “seven sons”. Hecuba’s grief is a stark contrast to the masculine world of war that dominates much of ‘Ransom’. Her grief is fuelled by her maternal connection to her lost sons, and her lack of physical power in such a world of carnal fury, “I am a woman and can do nothing but sit here and weep”. Malouf evokes powerful imagery to convey Hecuba’s “raw” and anger and grief, thus illustrating her clear desire for revenge, “if I could get my hands on that butcher I’d tear his heart out and eat it raw”. Additionally, Malouf’s use of the paradox, “known and not known” encapsulates Hecuba’s brutal transformation as a result of the persistent grief she has experienced. Moreover, this paradox serves to demonstrate Malouf’s concern that part of our nature of being is that humans are continually evolving and adapting to the surrounding environment, as life itself can b contradictory. Indeed, Hecuba has been hardened and savaged to an extent, transformed into a “small, fierce, hard backed woman”. Through this change in Hecuba’s nature, Malouf suggests that perhaps part of our being is that humans identities are continually shifting. However, Malouf also asserts through the notion of what is on the surface, compared to what underlies our appearance, that part of our true self always lingers with us. Despite Hecuba’s hardened surface appearance of “rage” and “anger”, it is evident through the repeated “here, here”, referring to the “hollow under her heart”, that indeed Hecuba’s maternal and vulnerable instincts are embedded in her identity. Essentially, Malouf demonstrates through Hecuba’s frightful transformation, how such persistent grief can wear away at an individual’s sense of humanity. Ultimately, Malouf explores how humans react to and are transformed by grief, through the overarching idea of existentialism in ‘Ransom’. Malouf demonstrates how the ‘ordinary’ accept grief and loss as part of human existence, through the characterisation of Somax. Comparatively, Malouf demonstrates how grief can cause an individual to assess their own nature of being through Priam’s transformation to reconnect with himself and his humanity. Moreover, Achilles lack of connection and confrontation of his grief causes him to be driven by an uncontrollable rage and carnal nature, thus losing sight of his human experience. Furthermore, Malouf demonstrates the consequence of persistent grief and lack of power through Hecuba, who becomes consumed by “rage” and “anger”. Essentially, Malouf advocates that although individuals experience and are transformed differently by grief, this emotion is universal across humanity and is a fundamental aspect of our human experience. Comments:
• Clear concise-most fluent piece you have written on ‘Ransom’ so far • Structural elements utilised effectively and quotes integrated seamlessly to support • Just make sure you stay grounded in the question-what are the transformations that grief causes? • You refer to the human condition a lot-ensure that you define/unpack what you mean by comments such as “by strengthening his
connection to the human condition” • Overall, a thorough, well developed piece that puts forward your ideas clearly, providing a sophisticated analysis.
Ransom
i. Ransom is a novel that is ultimately about the indissoluble ties of family. Discuss.
David Malouf’s ‘Ransom’ encapsulates the idea of existentialism, striving to uncover the fundamental aspects of our humanity. Although ‘Ransom’ indeed focuses on the notion that familial ties are indissoluble, it is also predominantly about the connections we have to our humanity and to mankind. Malouf portrays these unbreakable familial bonds through the “ordinary man”, Somax, thus highlighting how such raw relationships consequently
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strengthen ones humanity. Additionally, Malouf presents a dichotomy between Priam’s paternal relationships and Hecuba’s wild maternal grief and loss, thus demonstrating how Priam’s disconnection from his humanity conversely weakens the strength of his fatherly relationships. Moreover, Malouf affirms that such unbreakable familial bonds can cause individuals to become unhinged from their sense of humanity if they persistently experience grief and loss. Furthermore, Malouf vividly captures the catastrophic effects on ones humanity as a result of the indissoluble ties of family, thus suggesting that the notion of fulfilling ‘expected’ roles is in fact poisonous to mankind. Malouf illustrates these unbreakable familial bonds through the characterisation of Somax, thus affirming that such a strong connection to others and ones sense of self in turn strengthens our humanity. In contrast to Priam, who is “actual and symbolic”, Somax is not governed by these “royal duties” which allows him to demonstrate emotion more freely. Consequently, Somax’s relationships with his sons were warm and intimate, in comparison to Priam’s distance to his sons. These strong and unbreakable familial ties are further illustrated through Somax’s raw grief that he still experiences for the loss of his sons. However, Malouf affirms that these ties have allowed Somax to form an acceptance for his losses, “it leaves a gap you can’t ignore” but “we go on”. In turn, Somax’s strong familial ties strengthen his sense of humanity, as he has a better understanding of these “bits of experience that are common to us all”. This realisation of humans being “tied” through the universal elements of human experience, such as grief and loss, allows Somax to connect with Priam, “his heart softened with fellow feeling, since he too was a father”. Malouf furthermore accentuates the importance of connecting to family and our humanity through the rough and worn imagery evoked in the characterisation of Somax. Indeed, the “bull shouldered” and “stocky fellow” indicates that Somax has experienced the brutalities of grief and loss in his family, thus reiterating “the harshness of his life”. However, Malouf affirms that these experiences have allowed Priam to understand that although his sons had died, their familial bonds were essentially unbreakable, further contributing to his firm sense of humanity. Malouf suggests that familial bonds are absolutely governed by love and warmth, thus making them unbreakable, and contributing to a strengthening of his humanity. Additionally, the contrast between Hecuba’s eternal connection to her sons and Priam’s distant familial bonds indicate Priam’s disalluded humanity. It is clear that Priam’s grief for Hector’s death is governed by the expectations of his kingly duties, “my role was to hold myself apart in ceremonial stillness”. Through this transparent grief, Malouf affirms the connection between our familial bonds and sense of humanity. Priam must embrace and personify his humanity before he can properly grieve for Hector. In contrast, Hecuba’s grief for Hector is personal and intimate. Malouf highlights this dichotomy between her unbreakable connections and Priam’s deteriorated paternal ties, through the “hollow under her heart”. Indeed, these personal connections and memories of the “first cry they gave out” are simply not in Priam’s “sphere”. Moreover, Malouf illustrates the indissoluble ties of family through Hecuba’s wild grief for her losses, “I… can do nothing but sit here and rage and weep”. Hecuba’s firm connection to her humanity through her maternal experiences allow for her to grieve and become immersed in raw, human emotion. Malouf signals Priam’s connection to such raw and unregulated emotion through the paradox “wordless but not silent”. It is indicated here that Priam is a “man remade” and has found intimacy with the indissoluble family ties that are a fundamental aspect of our nature of being. However, this connection was fuelled through his journey and experience of the “ordinary” which strengthened his sense of self and humanity. Moreover, Malouf demonstrates that these unbreakable ties to family can in fact cause individuals to become unhinged from their sense of humanity if they persistently experience grief and loss. Malouf encapsulates the unhinged individual through Achilles barbaric and primal reaction to Patroclus’ death. Although on the surface it might seem that Achilles “barbaric spectacle’ encases him as a beast and a “wolf”, Achilles actions are really the consequence of him internally grieving raging for his losses. These festering emotions within indeed consume his humanity, serving as a poison on his spirit , “he felt his soul change colour”. At the core of Achilles internal crisis is the duality of his grief between his mother and father. The juxtaposition between his immortal mother of the sea and his mortal father of the earth accentuates this contrast in his losses, thus leading towards a fragmented grief and “darkly divided” sense of self. Moreover, the loss of Patroclus, “this man who was half himself” and his “soul
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mate” , serves as a catalyst, heightening Achilles “self-consuming rage” and ultimately unhinging his humanity, “his spirit set off on its own downward path, approaching the borders of an unknown region”. Patroclus was Achilles last link to who he is, and his death completely evaporates Achilles sense of self and human connection, thus leading towards his grief being inhuman and animalistic. Achilles must learn to accept Patroclus’ death and understand that these indissoluble ties don’t have to waste “his spirit in despair”. Rather, Malouf affirms that these unbreakable ties can offer comfort, and can in fact serve to repair ones lost sense of humanity. Through Achilles spell like and wild actions of grief, Malouf illustrates that persistent loss and severing of the indissoluble family ties, can indeed lead to individuals becoming unhinged from their humanity. Furthermore, Malouf encapsulates the catastrophic effects of the indissoluble ties of family, thus suggesting that the notion of fulfilling ‘expected’ roles is poisonous to mankind. This idea is embodied in Neoptolemus’ savage murder of King Priam. Through the flash forward, Malouf illustrates that the indissoluble ties of family can in fact serve as a channel through which vengeful ideals can infiltrate untamed. Indeed, Neoptolemus’ actions are fuelled by a desire to fulfil the expectations of him, “avenger of his father’s death”. However, Malouf presents a dichotomy between Neoptolemus’ “flame headed” rage and “animal sadness”, thus suggesting that although vengeance us seemingly heroic, it is in fact hollow and rather serves to poison ones sense of humanity. Thus, the negative aspects of unbreakable family ties are accentuated, “to be the son of the great Achilles is a burden”. Malouf furthermore portrays the familial connections to Achilles, through the imagery of fire, “his body a furnace pouring out heat”. Thus, Malouf affirms that similarly to Achilles, Neoptolemus’ “self-consuming rage” is unhinged and his sense of humanity is numbed. Moreover, Malouf demonstrates that Neoptolemus’ “boyish hot confusion” through the alliteration of “slippery with sweat” and “hacks and hacks”. Thus, Malouf asserts that Neoptolemus’ expected role has indeed consumed his own sense of self, and he in fact does not fully understand the nature of his actions. Neoptolemus is bound by the indissoluble ties of family, and these unbreakable connections dictate his animalistic actions, thus serving to deteriorate his humanity. Ultimately, David Malouf’s ‘Ransom’ is about the indissoluble ties to family, paralleled with Malouf’s concern of our connections to the human condition. Such unbreakable family ties are illustrated through the ‘ordinary’ Somax, who serves to demonstrate a firm connection to his humanity. Additionally, Malouf contrasts Hecuba’s intimate maternal ties to Priam’s weakened familial bonds, thus demonstrating his disconnection to his humanity. Moreover, Malouf outlines a destructive outcome to one humanity, as a consequence of grief and loss pulling against ones family ties, through Achilles wild rage and catastrophic actions. Furthermore, Malouf portrays the poisonous effect that indissoluble family ties and expected roles can have on ones humanity through the “boyish” Neoptolemus. Essentially, Malouf suggests that family ties should be regulated by natural and human emotion, which thus serves to strengthen our human experience and sense of humanity. Comments:
• You seem to ‘warm up’ as the essay progresses. • In your intro and conclusion you make a point about the novel not just being about the familial bonds, but also about our
connection as humans. This is an interesting point, but you don’t elaborate on it in your body paragraphs. Eg-using the idea of the narrative being about “a man” and “another man”.
• Vocab-you need some more evaluative words throughout. This can be achieved in your intro and views and values statements throughout
