Y Magazine - Issue Two

YMagazineThe Yorker

CHRISTMASEDITION

by

ISSUETWO:

DECEMBER2012

LIFESTYLE

NEWSCOMMENTARTS

POLITICS

www.theyorker.co.uk YMagazine independent&online

DESIGN:Catherine Munn // Alex Jackon // Lucy Whitehouse //

Robin Nierynck // Chloe Farand // Tom Keefe // KatharineWootton // Kitty Lam

CONTRIBUTORS:Helena Horton // Hannah Allies // Chloe Farand // Ross

Parry // Katharine Wootton // Alex Jackson // CharlotteFitzgerald // Louise Murphy // Jasmine Sahu // RichardPriday // Ellie Owen // Freddie Sands // Farrah Kelly //Megan Green // Imogen Breer // Serena Rudge // LouiseBond

CONTENTSTOP 5 NEWS STORIES.. . . . . . . . . . . . . .P3

CHRISTMAS WITH THE SABBS.. . .P4

DIFFERENCE OF OPINION... . . . . .P6

THE PERILS OF GIFT GIVING... .P8

THE AWKWARD GIRL.. . . . . . . . . . . . . .P9

THE FESTIVAL OF ANGELS.. . . . . . .P1 0

CHRISTMAS LISTENING... . . . . . . . . .P1 1

CHRISTMAS READING... . . . . . . . . . . . . .P1 2

FESTIVE FILM FRIGHTS.. . . . . . . . . . . .P1 3

CHRISTMAS GAMES.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .P1 4

NAUGHTY OR NICE.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .P1 6

CHRISTMAS PUDDING... . . . . . . . . . . . .P1 7

FESTIVE SCIENCE.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .P1 8

CHEAPER GIFTS.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .P1 9

TOP 5 FUNNIESTPOLITICIANS.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .P20

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Hello and welcome to the second edition of the tastiestonline mag around town!

Campus has emptied considerably, leaving just thestalwarts to brave Christmas together in the face ofinadequate portering.

Whether you're back home, knee-deep in mince piesand family squabbles, or chilling out by the frostinglake and disgruntled geese, this magazine will warmyour cockles with its chirpy commentary andindulgent nostalgia. YMagazine offers the perfectChristmas companion to those tireless festive popsmash hits and a glug of mulled wine.

Even if you're not that-way-inclined (that is, you don'tcelebrate JC's big day), the magazine, with its widelyranging perspective and eclectic content, will still offeran enjoyable winter reading romp.

So sit back, relax and let us take you on a wonderlandwhirlwind through the past year and the festiveseason. Thank you as ever to the incredible, dedicatedteam of contributors; and if you fancy getting involvedwith anything at The Yorker, just drop me an emailany time.

Happy Christmas!

@lucehouse // [email protected]

EDITOR'SNOTE

FETISH SOCIETY AIMS FORYUSU RATIFICATION

The successful efforts by a group of studentsto get a fetish society ratified was one of themore unusual headlines of the year, and wasrecognised by York Press at the Yorker’sannual awards. Despite accumulating aconsiderable amount of rather unpleasantremarks from some quarters, the society wasratified by YUSU. Starting with a fewposters on campus the society now has astrong membership of likeminded andfriendly people. We’re reliably informed thesociety is one of the most pleasant oncampus.

KONY FEVER HITS YORKYork is very often involved withinternational politics, and when thecampaign to get war criminal Joseph Konyhit York students reacted with speed. Aviral campaign online led to considerabledebate across campus as the internationalcommunity woke up to years of childsoldiers and other violations ofinternational law going on in the heart ofAfrica.

CHEMISTRY STUDENTS‘MOST LIKELY TO GET A FIRST’

Like every other media outlet in Britain the Yorkerhas enjoyed the Freedom of information Act. Thestatistics on which courses at York were mostlikely to get a first, 2:1 etc proved somewhatcontroversial amongst students. Especially sincewhen it emerged that the top five for a 2:1 orbetter were all arts subjects, and a chemistrystudent described their degree as “spoon fed”.There was a noticeable divide in the sciences, withPhysics students least likely to get at least a 2:1 .

50 STUDENTS WHO SHAPED THE YEARThere was a flurry of nominations for TheYorker’s 50 students awards, with mentions asdiverse as Kevin the Cow, the Brass Band societyand Fetish Society. In many cases the people onthe list weren’t the BNOCs but people whoactually did something that affected lots ofstudents. The number who had done somethingpositive was also impressive, showcasing much ofwhat is best about York. Nominations for thisacademic year will be open Summer term.

THE CHEMISTRY FIREWe didn’t have the hottest summer in201 2 but things were far from coldwhen Chemistry’s B block went up inflames. The fire caused severe damageand at the height of the fire elevenengines were fighting the blaze. The firealso knocked out the internetconnections for parts of Derwent andLangwith (as they were).

THE YORKER'STOP 5 NEWS STORIES

OF THE YEAR

©Gareth Summers


3

LIFESTYLE

NEWSCOMMENTARTS

POLITICS


INTERVIEW:CHRISTMAS WITH THE SABBS

HELENA HORTON gets the festive gossip from our YUSU team.

HOW EXCITED ARE YOU FOR CHRISTMAS, ON A SCALE OF 1-10?

Bob Hughes, Welfare Officer: “A good 9, I can’twait to hibernate with a pile ofmince_pies.Charlotte Winter, Sports Officer: “1 0. I f**ing loveChristmas, I got a mint advent calendar

this year from my mum!”Chris West, Student Activities Officer: “A solid 8, asit is too early for a 1 0.”Graeme Osborn, Academic Officer: (veryemphatically) “1 0!”Kallum Taylor, YUSU President: “1 0.”

WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO MEET UNDER THEMISTLETOE?

Bob: “Jack Baker, the Langwith Chair”

(He was in the office at the time

Charlotte: “Jack Baker, he is an absolute

babe”

Chris: “Deffs Bob”

Kallum: “Jessie J”

Graeme: “Hayley, my girlfriend”

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?

Bob: “A video message from Kate Bush.”Charlotte: “James Corden in a box!”Chris: “A rest.”Kallum: “A nice, long sleep”Graeme: “A walk-on role in DowntonAbbey.”

ARE YOU DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS?

Charlotte: “Of course!”Bob: “Yes indeed.”Chris: “My dreams tend to be a little moreexciting than that.. .”Kallum: “As long as my fingers and toesdon’t get cold. I am terrified of gettingcold.”

" I'mterrifiedof gettingcold! "

Kallum Taylor

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS DECORATION?

Charlotte: “I love tinsel!”Bob: “I wear tinsel a lot.”Chris: “Christmas crackers because Ilike the bang.”Kallum: “Candy Canes because theyare cute and innocent”

HOW CAN THE CHRISTMAS STORY INSPIRE US IN THEFIGHT AGAINST FEES AND CUTS?

Chris: “It’s a difficult struggle, like thejourney on the donkey, and in the endthey worked together, and theyprevailed.”Bob:“David Cameron is like KingHerod!”Kallum: “Because it brought peopletogether. To achieve something great,we have to stick together!”


AND FINALLY...WHICH OTHER SABB WOULD YOU LIKE TO

UNWRAP ON CHRISTMAS DAY?

Charlotte: “Graeme, as he wouldbe quite spectacular.”Bob: “It’d have to be Graeme.”Chris: “Graeme, as I bet he has agreat Christmas wardrobe.”Kallum: “Graeme, he does specialoccasions very well.”Graeme: “Charlotte as she is themost festive.”

IF YOU WERE A CHRISTMAS DINNER FOOD, WHATWOULD YOU BE?

Charlotte: “A carrot, because I’mginger!”Bob: “Mulled wine, because I amwarm and soothing.”Chris: “Cranberry sauce, I add colour

and flavour to what is essentially abland flavoured, large chicken.Kallum: “Trifle, as it has many layersand has all kinds of differentattributes. It also goes very well withalcohol!”Graeme: “Christmas pudding,because I am hot and steamy!”

©YUSU

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DIFFERENCE OF OPINION:'THE FESTIVE SEASON SHOULD NOT BE

RELIGIOUSLY BIASED'

Christmastime has become a pretty secular affair, if theChristmas adverts of 201 2 are anything to go by, anyway.Marks and Spencer’s seem to be advocating that thefestive season is all about children dancing en masse toKool & the Gang whilst John Lewis has opted for theheart-wrenching storyline of a snowman’s plight forknitwear gift-sets. No baby Jesus in sight.

And this, I think, can only be a good thing. It seemsthe British have ditched the pious façade over theholiday season – no longer are we pretending that thethree wise men and a baby in a manger are filling ourhearts with joy, when really we’re moved much moreby 'It’s a Wonderful Life', mince pies and a bit toomuch mulled wine.

Because this is what the Christmas break is about - moderate tipsiness, warmth ofthe fire, generosity and woolly jumpers. These are the things that bring the Britishpublic together, regardless of religious belief. That, and an unhealthy preoccupationwith the likelihood of snow (and a simultaneous countrywide euphoria anddisillusionment when snow actually falls and causes havoc).

In the US, the festive period is referred to by all as the Holiday Season. This may, tosome, appear to be unnecessary political correctness, but I think it would make sensehere, too. Our society is diverse with many religions co-existing, and whilst we won’tall be celebrating the birth of Christ this December, chances are we will all beenjoying the seasonal break in similar ways. This is because the spirit of the festiveseason is nationwide; the celebration of good will and loved ones with excessive foodand twinkling lights to keep spirits high in the winter gloom.

Next weekend my Jewish housemate will be hosting a fantastic Chanukah meal foratheists, Catholics, Anglicans and Agnostics alike. I can’t think of anything morefestive, so why should our wintertime celebrations all have to be bracketed under anarchaic Christian title? We won’t all be praying to the same gods, but we’ll all beadhering to what, I believe, is the true purpose of the season’s festivities: beingtogether with those we care about.

AGREE

HANNAH ALLIES

More pies than piety?© Nick J Webb on Flickr Commons


LIFESTYLE

NEWSCOMMENT

ARTS

POLITICS

6

Today Christmas is about the people you care for and love much more than it isabout the birth of Christ. Truly, what matters is ensuring that people who want tocelebrate Christmas are able to; the way they do it is, in my opinion, of no interest.

In our traditionally Christian-based society, religious symbols, icons and carols areimpossible to avoid around Christmas time because they're very much taken forgranted and unchallenged by a society, despite its increasingly secular outlook.

Yet, I don’t think enforcing political correctness by cutting out “Christmas” from theholiday title and prohibiting public nativity scenes will improve anyone’s festivities.

Fairy lights in the trees, minced pies at Co-op’ and thesmell of spicy mulled wine in Parliament square: and so itbegins. Christmas is upon us. The shop windows shinewith the usual scenes of piled up toys, sparkling dressesand kilos of turkey and sprouts. In this period of exuberantconsumerism, not much is left of the religious celebration,and Christmas has very much returned to the pagan feastit once was.

CHLOÉ FARAND

The attempt to bring across religious respect as a keyvalue of modern times has paradoxically led toincreasing tension and contempt for Christian belief.However, as multi-cultural society, religioustoleration applies to Christianity as it does for anyother religion. Rejecting the heritage of Christmas asa religious festivity would end in the rejection ofyears of tradition without actually changing anythingto the way people will celebrate the festive season.

Christmas is a cultural heritage. It is a celebration of the pastas well as of the present; and it is a message of hope as thedays lengthens and announce the coming of spring. Thereligious value of the festive season is so ingrained in societythat trying to extract them would cause unnecessarydisruption and satisfy only a few.

If the religious features of the Christmas periods are really sounbearable, it is enough to stare at the tinsel making theworld shine from greedily consumed lights. But maybe, ifyou look a bit further, you will find joy and gaiety.

Light of life?© Dan Beeler on Wiki Commons

The Nativity© Amanderson2 on Flickr Commons

DISAGREE


AND FINALLY...WHICH OTHER SABB WOULD YOU LIKE TO

UNWRAP ON CHRISTMAS DAY?

Charlotte: “Graeme, as he wouldbe quite spectacular.”Bob: “It’d have to be Graeme.”Chris: “Graeme, as I bet he has agreat Christmas wardrobe.”Kallum: “Graeme, he does specialoccasions very well.”Graeme: “Charlotte as she is themost festive.”

7

THE PERILS OF GIFT GIVING(AND RECEIVING)

ROSS PARRY

There’s always one Christmas present that’s a biggerdisappointment than the turn out for the PCC votes. Youknow the one, the (usually) small present that you make sureto open first with practiced fake joy. Who wouldn’t love thisblender? Thanks grandma.This year, though, consider how much worse it could havebeen. I mean, those socks are pretty garish, but think ofwhat it could have been instead. This is a brief list of themost jaw-clenchingly disappointing gifts the world knows.

A star name – I can almost hear you groaning from my desk (andthe future) that I’ve included this modern favourite in here, butlet’s be honest… it is pretty awful. To those not in the know: yes,you can genuinely name a star for somebody.

While this might seem romantic at the time, the novelty of naminga useless burning ball of gases that’s so far away you’ll never evensee it without expensive and extensive professional help wearspretty thin, pretty quickly. On the plus side, a £20 price tag (foressentially nothing) guarantees that the gift buyer will be feelingthe sting as much as you do.

So close, yet so far –We all know that our older family membershave a tendency to get lost when it comes to ‘modern lingo’, butnever is this worse than when they don’t understand what you’reasking for for Christmas.

Ask for an iPhone, an Xbox 360 and a deadmau5 album and youmight end up with an Mp3 player, a PlayStation Vita (shudder)and the board game Mouse Trap. The pang of despair is worstwhen the box is a similar size and shape before you open it.

The moral of the story? Try your best to look happy with your Australian fridgemagnets and your vest (does anybody wear those anymore?) because it could be somuch worse. Unless of course, you got one of the aforementioned presents… then Isympathise, and wish you a happy New Year.


Something useful – How often have you opened something that,while being genuinely handy in some respect, is an enormousdisappointment? The worst thing with gifts like this is they oftenassume the shape of something really exciting: a big, hard, cuboidof joyously wrapped anticipation that turns out to be a toaster.

8

I end up buying things that I’dreally like and hope to God thepeople I have things in commonwith will feel the same. It makessense (sort of). And if they don’tlike their presents, they couldalways give them back to me…?

Finally, it’s New Year’s Eve.Every end to the year brings amassive set of expectations atjust how to enter into the next.Do you keep it chilled with aquiet get together, or go wild ina club, or take in the Londonfireworks and bask in the humof anticipation? If you’re notcareful the whole debacle couldbe a massive anti-climax.Although, you’ve got to haveinvites to these things first. Forall I know I’ll be watchingHootenanny when the clockstrikes midnight.

However you spend it – have aMerry Christmas everyone (andstay away from the mistletoe).

THE AWKWARD GIRL’S GUIDE TO…FESTIVITIES

“‘Tis the season to be jolly!”: themantra drummed into us from atender age. From as early mid-October we are constantlyreminded of the upcomingfestivities. As much as I love anexcuse to put on Christmassyjumpers and drunkenly wailalong to “Fairytale of NewYork”, there are various aspectsof the jolly season that bring meout in a nervous sweat.

Mistletoe. It’s never where youwant it to be, and everywherewhen you don’t. You know whatI’m talking about. The mistletoewill hang there, casually, doingits festive job of mouthharassment acceptable, andsomehow you’ll end up under itand suddenly be the subject ofleering and ogling. Mistletoe is amagnet for unwarrantedadvances. Your excuse of “But Ithought it was holly!” is simplynot adequate. It’s just not safe.

Once you’ve safely distancedyourself from such troublesomeplants, the problem then shiftsto others. As in, your loved ones.

The pressure to spend time withthem without going slightlyinsane.

Whether you celebrateChristmas with pretty mucheveryone in your family(including second-cousins,twice removed) or you justkeep it close-knit, everyoneneeds to get along. Shouldget along. You’re familyright? Blood’s thicker thanwater, and all that. Until, ofcourse, it’s matter of whogets the last mince pie.

And to ease the bitterness thatinevitably arises from the mincepie stand-off, you have thepresents. THE PRESENTS.How do you show how muchyou value those closest you inmaterial form? I am awful atbuying presents.


" For all Iknow I’ll bewatchingHootenannywhen theclock strikesmidnight. "

©Richard Croft; geograph.org.uk

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ANGEL DELIGHT

KATHARINE WOOTTON describes the wonders ofYork's annual Festival of Angels.

As the tourists heave their waythrough the city streets, burrowingthrough the noisy crowds andclusters of carol singers, arms

stretched with growing sacks ofhidden surprises, Christmas inYork can feel like a babbling,wriggling, Merry-Christmas-wishing pandemonium.

Yet each festive season,nestled in and amongst York’scloistered cobbled streets, buriedin the shadow of the Minster, ahushed winter retreat glisteningwith the enchantment of Narniawaits to claim under its spell thewandering and flusteredChristmas shoppers and residentsof York.

A highlight of York’s Christmasand Festival calendar since 2000,each year The Festival of Angelstransforms York’s most evocative

and Dickens-esque streets(Swinegate, Back Swinegate andGrape Lane) into a wonderlandfor all the family as glittering,magic-dripping ice sculpturesemerge round every corner,snicket and alleyway.

As York’s independenteatery hub too, there’s alwaysample opportunity to dig intosome festive treats, sampling thetastes of Christmas al fresco inand amongst busy stalls, streetentertainment, and (for those stilldreaming of a White Christmas) aguaranteed sprinkling of snowcourtesy of York’s ice gods.

The Festival ofAngels takes place in York on the 15th - 1 6th December,

from 10am - 5pm.

You can follow the Yorker Arts team on Twitter @YorkerArts

An ice surprise: the frozen sculptures

at The Festival ofAngels.

©Katharine Wootton

The Festival ofAngels 201 1

©Katharine Wootton


LIFESTYLE

NEWSCOMMENT

ARTS

POLITICS

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White Wine in the Sun - TimMinchin

A poignant look at commercialism,consumerism and atheism all feeding off a2000 year old religion that many no longerpractice. But, Christmas is still great forbringing the family together! Awww.(Think Rylan, only funny).

Happy Holidays - Blink 1 82This 45 second testament to the madness

of the holidays (wrapping presents, dodgy

food and buying the right gift) never fails

to raise a smile.

Christmas Lights - ColdplayJust before Mylo Xyloto took off, this littleditty dented the charts as an emotional lookat how Christmas has changed, and what theimportant things are in the festive season.

Christmas Time - TheDarkness

Someone recorded a rock mainstreamChristmas song for number one before theRage Against the Machine Campaign?And you didn’t buy it? Shame. Thisforgotten gem from the height of Darknessmania incorporates child choirs, j inglebells and guitars with just the right amountof cheese.

Baby Please Come Home -Death Cab for Cutie

Indie darlings don’t exactly conjure up theidea of a festive Christmas, but the serenevocals here are chilling enough for anywinter season.

Post Apocalypse Christmas! -Gruff Rhys

Well it only seems fitting in 201 2 tofeature the end of the world Christmasanthem. We can still enjoy the occasionwith this soothing little number fromGruff Rhys.

Fairytale ofNew York - ThePogues feat. Kirsty McColl

Every list needs the traditional Christmasclassic. And this is ours. Take that Mariah.

We don’t want you for Christmas.

Back Door Santa - JetThis cover of Clarence Carter’s soulclassic gives it that added rock’n’rollooomph that keeps it relevant for everymoody angsty teenager across the nationthat’s sick of those knitted Christmasjumpers and listening to nan reminisce onwhen Christmas was about the family.

Merry Christmas – I Don’t Want toFight Tonight - The Ramones

You know the scene. Someone burnt thestuffing, no one can talk in the DoctorWho Special, that innocent board gamestarts a massive argument. All manners offights are paid homage to in thisalternative Christmas classic. BecauseChristmas fights are the only ones we canlaugh about afterwards. Well at least afterNew Year’s.

Deck the halls and fire up Spotify, folks: ALEXJACKSON provies the essential Christmas listeningguide for fun, rock’n’roll, and all things December.

CHRISTMAS ROCKING

Rudolph - Jack Johnson

An acoustic version of an old classic, withless cheese and additional verses. Hurrah.


I end up buying things that I’dreally like and hope to God thepeople I have things in commonwith will feel the same. It makessense (sort of). And if they don’tlike their presents, they couldalways give them back to me…?

Finally, it’s New Year’s Eve.Every end to the year brings amassive set of expectations atjust how to enter into the next.Do you keep it chilled with aquiet get together, or go wild ina club, or take in the Londonfireworks and bask in the humof anticipation? If you’re notcareful the whole debacle couldbe a massive anti-climax.Although, you’ve got to haveinvites to these things first. Forall I know I’ll be watchingHootenanny when the clockstrikes midnight.

However you spend it – have aMerry Christmas everyone (andstay away from the mistletoe).

1 1

Moranthology - Caitlin MoranPerfect for those of us craving something afterHow To Be AWoman,Moranthology is a collection ofMoran’s columns which she has amassed whilstworking for The Times. With topics ranging from holidays in Wales, to poverty,and inane conversations which she has with her husband before bed, there’ssomething in there to make you laugh and maybe cry.

Delicacy - David FoenkinosOne of those easy to read and yet beautifully written rarities. It tells the story ofperfect Nathalie, who, after her husband is killed in an accident, has to readjust tolife and falls in love with a goofy, nerdy guy in her office much to everyone’ssurprise - especially Nathalies’. Yes, it is a bit cheesy, but it’s a short read which willcapture your imagination

A Short History ofNearly Everything - Bill BrysonA seemingly impossible undertaking - to tell the story of how we got here(and who worked out the answer) in one volume, engagingly, humorously,and in terms that anyone not blessed with a science doctorate canunderstand. Not so. Endlessly fascinating, informative and entertaining inequal measure, this book is a must for anyone with an inquisitive mind.

The Bonfire ofthe Vanities - TomWolfeA satire on the mores of America in the 1 980s, TomWolfe’s seminal work ‘TheBonfire of the Vanities’ chronicles the fall of a self-styled Master of the Universe,Sherman McCoy, an archetypal WASP. A huge cast of characters vividly portrayed,cant and hypocrisy incisively exposed, the reader is left to decide who has right ontheir side. Witty, engaging, thought-provoking and highly recommended.

English Passengers - Matthew KnealeAn insight into the colonial and philosophical attitudes of the day, this is the story of theSincerity, a ship bound for Tasmania in 1 857. Amongst its passengers are the scholarlyReverend Wilson, in search of the Garden of Eden, and brooding racial-theorist, Dr.Thomas Potter. Told alternately from the standpoint of the main protagonists and abrilliant supporting cast, this book is by turn dramatic and laugh-out-loud funny.

YOUR CHRISTMAS: BOOKEDWhether you’re choosing books for a present for someone else or just needsomething to pass the time in between various meals over Christmas,CHARLOTTE FITZGERALD and LOUISE MURPHY have it covered with theiressential reading list.


1 2

of Horror and the mix of gore and fairy-lights hasan unmistakable charm to it.

However, some argue that we’re drawn toscary films because there’s something intrinsicallycreepy about Christmas. All snuggled up andwarm at the heart of our families, we know we’repart of something mystically powerful – reality issuspended and, with the weather so “frightful”, it’s

easy to let yourimagination get carriedaway. The best plan forthose in this mood is tobreak out old faithful.There’s a reason whyCharles Dickens’ A

Christmas Carol hasspooked firesides for generations. Make sure youchoose the right adaptation though. For a trulychilling experience, either go classic with AlastairSim (1 951 ) or try the garish, visceral Scrooge(1 970) starring Albert Finney. Ebenezer’s descentinto hell itself is a scarring. Especially if you’re 8when you see it.

Whatever the reason, there’s certainly noshortage of movies catering to our fascination withfear. And, with another ‘Evil Santa’ slasher SilentNight being released in the USA, there’s not likelyto be anytime soon.

It’s that time of year again – sleigh bells, gifts,evergreens adorned with glittering decorations,obscene amounts of food, family reunions, midnightmass – the whole caboodle. Christmas is all aboutgood cheer, love and, naturally, rampant materialism.It’s supposed to be happy. So why, along with yourusual array of chirping children’s adventures, is theseasonal film selection is full of Horror?

We’ve got psycho-killer, ghosts, monsters and,

perhaps most disturbing ofall, your ‘Evil Santa’ motif.But why? What is it aboutChristmas that sets somany of us a yearning for agood dose of gore?

The obvious answer would be that some folksare just too contrary for their own good. Ba Humbug!As the most infamous member of this camp wouldsay. All that happiness is overwhelming, sickly even -there’s a great pleasure from turning the tables on allthat cheerfulness, a thrill from incongruity! Films likeBlack Christmas (2006), where an escaped lunaticreturns to his old house at Christmas and massacreseveryone there, are perfect for this crowd. With a tagline like “Let the slay ride begin”, you can expect thedeaths to be suitably glorious (the holiday themedsnow-man cookies are particularly gruesome). Garishcolour is the most essential ingredient for this kind

FFEESSTTII VVEE FFII LLMM FFRRII GGHHTTSSNot a creature was stirring, except for … [insert suitable monster here].JASMINE SAHU looks at cinema's inexplicable fascination with horror over thefestive season.

"What is it about Christmas

that sets so many ofus

yearning for a good dose of

gore?"


1 3

Ico/Shadow ofthe ColossusIf you’re looking for some quality

for your PS3, consider a classic

retro package. These HD

remakes were released last year,

but ongoing critical acclaim

testifies to their lasting quality.

Ico is a puzzle-adventure where

the protagonist awakens within

an atmospheric castle island and

must escape with an imprisoned

girl.

RICHARD PRIDAY, ELLIE OWEN and FREDDIE SANDS compile theirultimate buyers' guide.

Mark ofthe NinjaA side-scrolling stealth game,

available for PC and Xbox 360.

Stealth games are difficult to

perfect – they can either be

ridiculously satisfying as you pick

off enemies in gruesome ways, or

horribly frustrating. Luckily,

Mark ofthe Ninja gets the stealth

just right, letting you feel

sufficiently awesome but never

invincible. It’s sharp and stylish,

with expansive environments that

are great fun to sneak around.

EO

FTL: Faster than LightFTL is a PC RTS (real-timestrategy) ‘rogue-like’ game.

Controlling a spaceship fleeing arebel fleet, you navigate your waythrough the galaxy, fighting andmanaging resources and crew. Afantastic soundtrackcomplements the elegantlysimple gameplay. Battles neverlast very long, so it can be playedin a spare half hour, and is bothexciting and calmingsimultaneously.

Shadow of the Colossus is an

action-adventure about a

protagonist who must slay sixteen

monsters to bring his love back to

life. Both games were designed by

the same team and feature similar

themes; minimalistic landscapes

and surprising emotional depth.

These games are held up as a

representation of the artistic merit

of games, and there aren’t many

games like them.

FS

The Walking DeadThis point-and-click adventure is

one of the most heart-wrenching

games you will ever play. It’s going

to be held up as the example of

storytelling in games for a while.

Following survivors of a zombie

apocalypse, The Walking Dead

isn’t your typical zombie game. It’s

focused on human drama and

survival, and is a gripping

experience throughout.

Spec Ops: The LineIf you want a more traditionalshooter experience that is a littledifferent, pick up Spec Ops: TheLine. It quickly unfolds into agame of ambiguous moral choices,and pulls apart the most populargenre of modern gaming. At aChristmas time dominated byHalo 4 and Black Ops II, here issomething that will make youreconsider the soldier you play,and the actions you take. It isn’tthe most festive of games, but Iwould not hesitate to recommendit.RP


GIFTS FOR GAMERS

1 4

Need somewhere swish to take the parents while they're visiting York? Orhow about somewhere to impress on your first date?

Well, The Yorker knows a little place.. .

The Lime House is an independent restaurant ideal forrelaxed dining. The food is locally sourced, service is

attentive without being intrusive, and the atompstphere isspot on.

Run by married couple Adam & Catherine Fisher, The Lime House knits acosy atmosphere and great food together perfectly, resulting in this gemyou'll be proud to recommend to your friends. Rumour has it Catherinemarried Adam because of his sticky toffee pudding- so make sure you give

that one a whirl.

Pop in for an unbeatable lunch and watch the world go by over a glass ofwine during the day- their lunchtime menu is the best value in York- orvisit them in the evening for a relaxed and sophisticated night of gorgeous

food and candlelight.

Set menus start from £9.95 during lunch and £1 5.95 in the evening, andtheir a la carte menu is constantly being refreshed to keep up with the

seasons- showcasing the finest in Yorkshire dining.

Booking is highly recommended to avoid disappointment, and any dietryrequiremnets are a welcome challenge for their head chef - just give a little

prior warning to ensure your needs are met.

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Located a stone's throw from the Minster, on Goodramgate, The Lime Housecombines delicious European food with an extensive wine list. Having quite afew awards under their belt, and being the location for a fair few proposalsthis year, it's easy to see why people flock to this charming place from all over

the world.

LIFESTYLE

NEWSCOMMENTARTS

You slept with your flatmate. The ultimate university sinwhen living in halls. Not only have you made things megaawkward for the rest of your flatmates, you now have toendure the pain of awkward silences across yourcornflakes each morning. Well done.

You blew your loan in Willow. One way to guarantee yourparent’s disappointment in you is by calling them to begfor money because you blew it all on questionable shots ata Chinese disco. Saint Nick is not impressed, big spender.

You lied in a seminar. Your lecturer knows, your coursemates know, and most of all you know that you’respouting pure rubbish in your 9.1 5 seminar to cover upthe fact you didn’t do any of the work.No one got out ofbed this early after a long night in Kuda to hear yourramblings, so keep quiet and do the work next time.

Have you been good or bad this year? Time to find out whetheryou’d better attach an apology on your letter to Santa; or else allyou’ll get in your stockings are stale Willow prawn crackers.


LIFESTYLE

NEWSCOMMENTARTS

POLITICS

NAUGHTY OR NICE?FARRAH KELLY lists a few reasons you wouldn't be on Santa'slist

Santa's little helpers. (C) Wikimedia Commons

This Christmas pudding comes out perfect,and I make it every year for my family. The earlieryou make it in advance, the better it will taste.

The day before steaming, mix the suet,breadcrumbs, flour, spices and sugar. Gradually addthe all the fruits.

Beat the rum, stout and eggs in another bowl.Pour over the other ingredients and mix until a sloppyconsistency. Cover with foil and leave overnight.

The next day fill the greased pudding basinwith the mixture. Cover it with two layers of bakingparchment, a sheet of foil and tie securely withstring. Steam for 8 hours - remembering to checkthe water level.

Let it get cold, cover it afresh, and store itsomewhere cool and dark.

On the day, steam for 2¼ hours. Slide aknife around the rim, turn onto a plate, douse inbrandy & set alight! Tuck in (after blowing theflames out! )

YOU WILL NEED:2 PINT PUDDING BASIN1 1 0G SHREDDED SUET1 1 0G BREADCRUMBS50G SELF-RAISING FLOUR1 TEASPOON GROUND MIXED SPICE

¼ TEASPOON NUTMEGPINCH CINNAMON225G SOFT DARK-BROWN SUGAR1 1 0G SULTANAS1 1 0G RAISINS275G CURRANTS25G CANDIED MIXED PEEL25G CHOPPED ALMONDS1 SMALL COOKING APPLE, PEELED AND

CHOPPEDGRATED ZEST OF ½ ORANGE AND ½LEMON2 TABLESPOONS RUM1 50ML STOUT

CHRISTMAS PUDDINGMEGAN GREEN presents her recipe for the perfect pud


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As anyone who has everattended a Nativity play well knows,Mary became pregnant throughImmaculate Conception; she wasthe virgin mother to Jesus.Virgin births are not an uncommonphenomenon in mythology and"creative" historical stories -religiousor secular. In fact figures as varied asMithras, Buddha and Genghis Khanwere all at one point reported asbeing carried by a maiden girl.Hypothetically, is it possible for ahuman to experience virgin birth?

For Mary (XX) to have a son (XY)would be impossible. However ifMary was in fact XY but displayinga condition called "testicularfeminisation" (in which the genitalsdevelop female due to a mutation onthe X chromosome leading to aresistance to testosterone), then shewould at least have the correctchromosomes to pass on. This wouldthen require the mutation that lefther appearing female to reverse toallow Jesus to pass as male.Alternatively Mary could have eaten

her brother.Not literally of course, but if she hadfused in the womb with a male twin,if would have left her a geneticmosaic, carrying both the XXchromosomes to make herappearance female, and the XYchromosomes to pass on to heroffspring.The chances of either of thesescientific possibilities happening andactually leading to a pregnancy areso low that such an occurrence couldbe considered miraculous.

FESTIVE SCIENCEIMOGEN BREER offers tree-care tips

Artificial snow guarantees a white Christmas.Make it yourself by taking the absorbent liner outof a nappy, ripping it up and adding a little water.

Nappies are about £5(yes I researched that foryou), but a spray of fake snow is around £1 0. That’sa fiver more to spend on mince pies.

Can’t deal with stray needles and wilting? Youdon’t need to get a plastic Christmas tree (ugh),concoct a "tree saving" growth potion for your newhouse plant instead.

You will need:

5lt WATER500ml GOLDEN SYRUP4 tsp CHLORINE BLEACH4tsp LEMON JUICECOPPER PENNY!


Stir it all together, and make sure you keep your tree stand topped up, especially in warm rooms.NB Do not mix the lemon juice and bleach directly together, they may produce chlorine gas, add them into thelarge volume of water.

A SCIENTIFIC VIRGIN BIRTH?IMOGEN BREER weaves a tale of two chromosomes

Biogenetics Laboratory, circa 0 A.D. (C) Creative Commons

1 8

Sometimes, no matterhow hard you try, there justisn’t enough money forChristmas presents. Yet even ifthe thought of shopping fillsyou with dread, there are waysto avoid being a Scrooge.

Re-gift. Okay, so maybe thatreindeer jumper isn’t exactlyyour style, but wouldn’t it lookgood on one of your friends? Itdoesn’t matter that it’s pre-loved: it’s the same as buyingfrom eBay.

Make something in a jar. Do alot of people in your familylike cheese? Are your friendsall fans of jam? Chutneys andjams are easy to make, anddoing it in bulk makes it

cheaper. Collect jars from yourhousemates and fill ‘em up.Search “homemade jam” or“homemade chutney” onwww.bbcgoodfood.com forsome ideas, or look through the‘edible gifts’ section on thewebsite.

Get them your favourite bookfrom Amazon or charity shops.There’s no betterrecommendation! Or scour theshelves with a particularperson in mind, and wait forsomething to jump out.Charity shops are great forfinding original presents, andalthough hunting trough themtakes time, the end result willbe worth it!

HAVE YOURSELF AN INEXPENSIVE CHRISTMASSERENA RUDGE provides cheaper gift ideas for penniless students


Santa's a rich man. And we're all living in his world (C) Creative Commons

1 9

FIVE FUNNIEST POLITICOSOF 2012

Nick Clegg hasn’t really done anything

intentionally funny this year, and yet

we find that he is, and shall remain for

as long as he is in this coalition

government, unintentionally hilarious.

I don’t even know if David Cameron

actually has his dry cleaning collected,

his shoes shined or his arse wiped. But

for the sake of humour let’s assume that

he does, and that Nick Clegg is that

guy. You would have thought that after

two years in the coalition this joke

would have run dry, but as 201 2 draws

to a close we think that Nick Clegg is

the joke that just keeps giving.

The Conservative Party have beendoing everything in their power tobrush aside that old-fashioned imagethat they are just a bunch of rich,entitled, old-Etonion Oxbridgegraduates who don’t know the price ofa pint of milk. In one fell swoopAndrew Mitchell knocked all of thatrebranding back several years. Thispublication does not wish to get intowhether or not Andrew Mitchellactually told police officers to learntheir f***ing place, but it did enjoysitting back and laughing asConservatives across the countrysquirmed and hedged and ran to theirbedrooms to push their numeroustweed jackets as far back in theirclosets as they would go.

NN II CCKK CCLLEEGGGG

ANDREW MITCHELL

Do you want your shoes left here, Mr Prime

Minister? © Creative Commons

Plebgate.

© Creative Commons

LOUISE BOND presents a rogues' gallery of the humorous and hubristic.


NADINE DORRIES

20

NADINE DORRIES

Spot the politician.

© Creative Commons

Out of respect for my own sanity,

I did not sit down to watch I’m a

Celebrity, Get me out of here! this

year. Or last year. Or the year

before that. But it was still

spectacularly fun to watch

Nadine Dorries throw away her

dignity, and potentially her

career, for the shortest stint on a

reality television show ever

notched up by a politician.

George Galloway might equate

sexual assault to harmless flirting,

but he at least managed three

weeks in the Big Brother House.

MITT ROMNEY

BORIS JOHNSON

What do you mean I can't be President?

© Creative Commons

Nothing short of fabulous.

© Creative Commons

Mitt Romney was a serious candidate

for a serious job. He genuinelybelieved, as did many commentators,that he would give Barack Obama arun for his money. In the end Obamawon the 201 2 US Presidential Electionwith relative ease, and the electionitself wasn’t that entertaining.Certainly not worth staying awakeuntil 5am for (something I wish I hadknown then). The campaign, however,was a delight for anyone and everyonewith a vague interest in politics.Romney provided so many comicalmoments that it was difficult to list justa few, but we managed to find somehighlights. In an old radio clip he stated

his belief that upon returning to earthJesus will rule from the holy centre ofthe world, Massachusetts. Hesupported a woefully inaccurateadvert, arguing that Obama “soldChrysler to Italians who are going tobuild Jeeps in China”. He also thoughthe had a chance of becoming one of themost powerful men in the world, whileat the same time believing that 1 90years ago an angel showed a man somegolden plates containing the testamentof Jesus Christ, plates that only hecould read and that no longer exist.That might be the funniest thing of all.

Don’t get me wrong, humour inpolitics isn’t always about thepeople who get us to laugh at thembecause they are inept, stupid, orshameful. Sometimes it’s about thepeople who are brilliantly funnyand wonderful and enigmatic andcharismatic, characters all too oftenabsent from our leaders today. Solet’s end this countdown with aman who’s funny in all the rightplaces. Our dear Mayor of London,Boris Johnson. He confesses toGangnam Style dance offs with thePM and openly admits that he payshis workmen in cash. He recentlyreleased a book in which herecounts how he fell head first intothe Duchess of Cornwall’s lap atthe Olympic Opening Ceremony.While other members of theConservative Party stuff their poshcharacteristics in a Pandora’s Box,Boris quotes Ancient Greek poetryat will. We can laugh at him, wecan laugh with him. And forstriking that perfect balance, he isour funniest politician of 201 2.


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Y Magazine - Issue Two