www.attitudespecialist.co.nz 1

Dealing with Difficult People and Tricky Situations

Janice Davies ATTITUDE SPECIALIST

janice@attitudespecialist.co.nz

MODULE FIVE

Recap

• Personal Assessment

• Personality Style

• Relationship Scenario

• Self Esteem

INTERPRETATION

DECODE

RESPONSEFEELING

EXPRESSION DECISION

True or False

OUTSIDE or INSIDE

Fun or Fear

Excited or Scared

Communication

• Face to face/Telephone/Email

• Verbal/non verbal (body language)

• Language/dialect

Communication Statistics

Effective Communication

Sender Message Receiver

What gets in the way?Telephone ringing, talking, radio,

background noise, machines, outside noise, fax machine, THINKING/BELIEFS????

Pause – Stop - Listen

•Stop talking

•Show you want to listen – look/act interested

•Hold your temper, don’t argue or criticiseYour reply = “Thank you. Here’s my view…”

•Be patient - allow them time/do not interrupt (depending on situation)

Active Listening

• Show you are listeningeye contact/nod head/aha’s

• Don’t think of your answer while they are talking….

• Rephrase a reply – “So what I heard you saying was….”

Miss-interpretation = mistakes

“I” statements The most powerful word you can use Creating your space with words

– I THINK this is a possible solution– I FEEL unhappy….– I AM loving/loveable

Now it’ their turn/opinion/feelings

• ASK what, where, why, how, when questions

• Every person unique

• Every person entitled to thoughts

• No-one can say you are wrong

• It is YOUR thoughts

• Negotiate/compromise

Learning to say “No”

• I’d like to help you but I’m sorry I’ll have to say NO…• I have other work scheduled • I have alternative appointments• That is not part of my job• But if you’re unhappy, check with my boss• You’ve missed the deadline and I can’t do any more • I sent out a reminder notice a few days ago

Empathy

Understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings.

I UNDERSTAND….. how you’re feeling

your point of view/your situation

3 Types of Communication

PASSIVE • Signal feeling indirectly (sighing, no eye contact)

or ignoring someone • Deny their feelings show in body language• Can force others do make the decision • Make excuses, being indirect when expressing needs

Aggressive

• Using more force verbally or physically

• Violating other rights through aggression or manipulation

• Want to dominate or win

• No regard to others

• Bullying

Assertive

• Expressing thoughts, feelings, opinions

• Compromising

• Honest and direct

• Considers others

• Spontaneous

• Direct – avoids excessive apologies

• Honest – rely on feelings/owns them

Gender/Age/Cultural issues

• We are all the same but different

• Understanding/Accepting

• Glass Ceiling

• Men not want female boss

• Equal or unequal pay

• Baby Boomers, Gen X & Y

Based on what I would like you to KEEP doing, STOP doing, START doing

WHAT YOU DO THAT I VALUE IS…..

ONE THING I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH IS……

WHAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DO INSTEAD IS……..

FEEDBACK SANDWICH

Latest Heart Rate Statistics Kees Blaas – Heartmath 2005 - www.heartmath.com

Relaxation

Appreciation

Stress

Results through Appreciation Drives people and a basic need 5 positives to re-balance 1 negative interaction- M Duclos

Describe the behaviour – the facts, neutral, without criticism, clear and open “You are sometimes late to work

Describe the consequences for you – realistic and concrete “ I have other staff complaining.”

Describe your personal emotions – this behaviour provokes in me, how I feel in a situation “I feel uncomfortable with their constant complaints”

WHAT COULD YOU DO TO SOLVE YOUR LATENESS PROBLEM?

The other person then decides their new actions

NOW WHAT

• What’s happening for you?

• What is the difficult person doing?

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Next Session

• Take some action

• Think your situation through with your

new knowledge

• Observe them and you

• Talk to positive support person

• Take notes….do something different