11/3/2009

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Academic Skills Series: October - November 2009

forB.A. Graphic Communication (Year 3)

(Professional Skills Module)

Writing to persuade

Image and bullets are from: http://www.montblanc.com/products/black_resin_gold_149_fountain_pen.10575.php

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Today’s aims

• Find out what makes up the language and context of persuasion … and what doesn’t.

• Work through toolbox of language enhancement techniques.

• Write a short text of your own.

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Today’s tasks are

Loads of writing (but no more proof-reading, promise).

You make most of your own worksheet (for a change).

We work almost exclusively off the screen (so make sure you can see the screen!)

More working individually (but feeding back to your table group and the main group)

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This lesson is called

The weekend that wanted your money

and it was somewhere near Christmas

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Task 1

1 2 3 4 5

Appeals to

Likelysuccess

Causes of your reaction

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Scenario 1

It’s Friday, about a week before Christmas.

You’ve been running around doing the last of your Christmas shopping in central Cardiff.

You are heavily laden, but quite chuffed because you found everything, and didn’t overspend.

You’re headed into the train station to go home.

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Scenario 1 (cont.)At the last minute, a chugger blocks your way. He jumps up and down, holding his arms out.

You have five minutes before your train.

The chugger wants a direct debit from you to buy a goat as a Christmas present for a starving third world family.

He claims the debit is so small you “won’t even notice it.”

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Scenario 2

Same evening. You’ve escaped the goat chugger.

You’ve made it home, and are recovering with a large drink in front of the telly.

You are catching up on your favourite TV serial in time for the next instalment this evening.

You’re halfway through, and the phone rings: “Good morning! How are you today?”

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Scenario 2 (cont.)

It’s an offshore sales rep for an ISP offering all-in landline, mobile, broadband and TV package.

You have considered a ditch and switch from your own rubbish providers for some time. So you agree to talk.

Patiently, you explain that you only want the landline and the broadband.

The rep persists in trying to sell you the whole package. This pattern occurs three times.

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Scenario 3

Saturday morning arrives in your well-to-do, but not affluent part of town.

This leaflet drops through the door, along with another ten items of junk mail, some of which are disguised as Christmas cards.

There is no other post addressed personally to you, not even bills.

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Scenario 4

Saturday evening. The Dr Who Christmas special has started, when the doorbell rings.

It’s a pair of casually dressed, charming young chuggers, from another third world charity.

“Would you like to help Africa this Christmas?”

Yes, the Christmas goat is back! Once more, the chuggers claim the debit is too small to be seen.

They don’t have any literature to leave with you.

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Scenario 5

Sunday morning latish. You stroll out for fags, milk and a decent Sunday paper.

Strictly adhering to your political inclinations, you choose The Observer, though your purchase is encouraged by the free DVD enclosed.

Amongst the additional contents is the same leaflet from Scenario 3.

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• How, if at all, was the target audience considered in each case?

• What techniques were used to reach them?

• What could have changed the likelihood of success?

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Write and speak to your audience not at your audience

All scenarios were ‘at’ writing and speaking.

The best case – the Crisis leaflet – only included I and you (connecting to the individual reader) in the personal and payment details part of the leaflet. We (=Crisis) used sparingly throughout.

The phone salesperson prejudiced her script over her interlocutor, even in a 1:1 situation! Even her you was part of the script. 16

You/your

The most important words in persuasive writing!

Do not overuse; place at strategic points.

Be clear if you/your refers to a person or a company. Where appropriate, use names e.g. “As an employee of UWIC I would … “ .

Don’t confuse you (target audience) with the general you: “If you go down the woods today”.

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Ways to write to ‘you’

Put up a picture, brief description, notes of your target. Include working context where known.

Get key details correct e.g. job title, preference for Ms/Miss, spelling of names.

Hold an imaginary conversation with your target before you start writing.

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Ways to write to you (cont.)

Gather information from published formats e.g. if your target is the author of a website, this will be a key to preferred style.

If a job ad gives you the chance to contact your target by phone DO SO!

This will give you masses of information about language preferences e.g. does your target readily use your first name?

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Contextualise what you say

Cliché ,“you won’t even notice it”, a turn-off, especially if repeated in the wrong context.

Chuggers annoyed people running for trains wanting the train more than them, and half the country watching David Tennant’s last episode.

Junk mail junks all other mail, but you are more likely to take notice of the same leaflet in the right context i.e. a middle-Britain aimed newspaper.

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Readers/listeners hate

Time-wasting/repetition

Stale cliché

Being made to feel guilty or cornered

Being patronised

Downright inaccuracy

Being badgered and hectored

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Readers/listeners love

Brevity

Originality

Sense of being able to make a choice

Acknowledgement as a person

Signposting

Metaphors they can relate to

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Task 2 – you

Look at Text 1 on your reference sheet. It’s from the Crisis leaflet.

Rewrite it, with the same message, but use you at least twice.

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Task 2 – suggested rewrite

Crisis has a passionate belief to help vulnerable people rebuild their lives and fulfil their potential. This is where you come in: help them leave homelessness behind for good. The Christmas meal, companionship and comfort you fund are just the start of a long journey back for homeless people. We know that many people we help have suffered years of abuse, and trauma. Together, we can start reversing that process for someone this Christmas.

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Task 3 – verbs

Look at Text 2 on your reference sheet. It’s from the Crisis leaflet.

Rewrite it, converting at least four adjectives and nouns into verbs.

Here’s some examples.

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Task 3 – examples

Here is some information about the project.

To inform you about my project, I shall first ...--------------------------------------------------------------Support for those with dependency issues is on hand, plus advice on detox services.

Those with dependency issues can be offered immediate support and advised about detoxservices.

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Task 3 – suggested rewrite

• The hidden homeless stay in hostels, and B&Bs, squat, or sleep on friends’ floors. Mental and physical health problems debilitate the lives of the homeless, while misery isolates them.

• - note use of ‘homeless’ adjective as noun –shifts emphasis away from bland ‘people’.

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Task 4 – (-) into (+) 1

Negative and cold language is sometimes unavoidable, but shields the reader from the message of a text like windows fogging up: all the reader sees is the negative.

Examples are: afraid, disappoint, repeated use of not, unfortunately and problem.

Beware of a lot of negative prefixes like un-, im-, dis- and anti-.

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Task 4 – (-) into (+) 2

Tentative/over-qualified language is just as bad.

The repeated use of ‘if’ and ‘but’ signal lack of commitment and confidence.

Scan texts you write for negative and tentative language and try to eliminate it.

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Task 4 – (-) into (+) 3

Don’t clog text with neutral, dull verbs.

Avoid: become, has, are, go.

Phrasal verbs are thoughtless and slangy e.g. show up, pick out.

Pick verbs with intrinsic meaning e.g. transform, own, arrive, select, emerge.

Verbs can carry a lot of subtle feeling without being emotional.

Now do all this for the Task 4 sentences from the leaflet.

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Task 4 – (-) into (+) – suggested rewrite

A. These people are absent from government statistics and are overlooked for social housing.

B. They may have endured domestic violence, divorce, redundancy or ill-health.

C. Volunteers bless us with their time at Christmas.

No negatives are left and some powerful verbs have been introduced!

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Task 5 – inverting

Compare:

New clothes and a new haircut enable people to leave Crisis Christmas with new confidence and their heads held high. 86 percent [sic] of people who visit say the experience has made a positive impact on their life.

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Task 5 – inverting

With:

Not only do new clothes and a haircut enable people to leave Crisis Christmas with new confidence and their heads held high, but 86% of visitors say the experiences impacts positively on their lives.

Note repetition of ‘people’ is avoided and the text slightly shorter.

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Task 5 – inverting rewrites 1

A. Not only does spending a Christmas alone erode self-esteem, the 1 in 3 homeless who do journey towards introversion and unhappiness.

B. Only with your urgent help can we raise the £410,000 for running costs before the centres open.

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Task 5 – inverting rewrites 2

C. Never had so many people settled down to Christmas dinner as at Crisis Christmas last year.

e.g. 1 Hardly have we finished one Christmas than we are preparing for the next.

e.g. 2 Nowhere else can a homeless person get their teeth and eyes seen to on the same day.

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Task 6 – say it in 30 words

Not only do you see the homeless street sleepers; you don’t see the thousands of poorly-housed, low priority people hidden from government statistics; and uninvited to Christmas dinner. (28)

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Resources

Books

Lloyd, S. (2004, 2008) Writing for the Web Ashburton: Stephen Lloyd Training – explains AIDA structure and shows how to construct components, also touches on use of you and uncovering verbs. Good basic guide to plain, clear language.

Palmer, R. (1993) Write in Style London: Routledge – Chapter 7 “Fight the flab” contains most of the techniques above for tightening up writing. The best guide I know to concise writing

Key websites

http://www.copyblogger.com/ Good advice about persuasive writing, though some of the grammar advice should be taken with caution.

http://www.mindtools.com Mind-boggling array of short papers and entries on life-skills, amongst which feature prominently persuasive presentation techniques. See past the managementspeak for some good stuff about how to and how not to.

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