Writing Scholarship Essays for Graduate School

by Indiah Marsaban, Ir., MBA

Objectives By the end of the workshop, you will be able to:Understand the difference between Personal Statement and

Study Objective Statement; Identify the elements of writing a “winning” Personal

Statement/Study Objective;Understand the general rules in writing an effective essay

proposal for graduate school;Review some highlights on grammar;Practice writing paragraphs related to the topics in your

essayHave an embryonic outline for your application essays.

Applying to Graduate SchoolGraduate or Professional School application

process includes:Formal application Academic Record (grades, GPA)Admissions Test ScoresStrong recommendation lettersStatement of Purpose/Study ObjectiveResearch ProposalWriting Sample

Importance Criteria in Admissions Decisions (Range 0-3)

Criteria Master’s Doctoral

Letters of Recommendation 2.74 2.82

Research Experience 2.04 2.54

Work Experience 1.91 1.87

Public Service 1.94 1.91

Extracurricular Activities 1.46 1.41

Interview 2.30 2.62

Personal Statement 2.63 2.81

GRE/GMAT/TOEFL Scores 2.36 2.50

GPA 2.75 2.74

Statement of Purpose vs. Study Objectives SP

Professional, academic and future plans;

Education and practical experience;

Impact on your community;Special interests;Career plans Purpose for applying to

grad school.Significant factors

influencing your educational or professional development.

SOMajor field of studySpecial interests within

this field. Program expected to takeHow your study plan fits in

with your previous training, professional experience

Future objectives and career path

Can the SP be “overlapping” with the SO?Since each statement serves a different

purpose, they should be distinct but consistent with each other.

Avoid “overlapping” essays; even if you have to state the same idea try to paraphrase (using different words);

Read the instructions on the application form carefully to fully understand what is needed in your essay.

However, some universities might combine the SP and SO.

Personal Statement Your opportunity to “sell” yourself in the

application process;Who you are, what you have done that has

influenced your decision to further your academic career, defines your interests and passion and gives an idea of your future plans and goals.

A self inventory of your unique experience, influence and abilities, skills and characteristics (for example integrity, compassion, persistence)

Describe your short term and long term goal

What might the Admissions Committee want to see in your Personal Statement (1)Seriousness in pursuing graduate school;Intellectual ability to “handle” graduate

school;Intellectual curiosity about the field you wish

to study;Creativity;Open-mindedness (to ideas, people, and

circumstances different from your own)

What might the Admissions Committee want to see in your Statement of Purpose (2)MaturityConcern for othersInitiativeEnthusiasmConfidenceMulti-taskingDiligenceCommunication

Ability

LeadershipAnalytical AbilityRisk TakingInsightOptimismCompromiseOvercoming

adversity

What are universities looking for? A Picture of Your Overall Personality

Academic Background and Work Experience

Continuity

Commitment and Motivation

Communication Skills

1. Write a clear description of your study objectives (be specific about major field and specialized interests within this field) AND explain why you want to pursue these objectives. 

2. Describe the kind of program you expect to undertake and explain how this study plan (or program) fits in with previous training and with your future objectives.

There are many ways to organize your Study ObjectiveFollow an outline that addresses the

information in an order which is the clearest and most coherent to the reader.

Remember: those who are screening applications read many, many, applications.

If you include irrelevant information and too much detail or rationalization, readers/screeners will probably set your study objective aside.

Study Objective Outline PARAGRAPH 1: Description of an MA or PhD program

you expect to undertake.

PARAGRAPH 2: Write a brief paragraph stating your research (thesis) proposal. Discuss how your thesis will benefit your field and how you intend to undertake it.

PARAGRAPH 3: Explain how the description of the plan above fits in with your previous training and your future objectives.

PARAGRAPH 4: Explain why you need to undertake these studies in the abroad as opposed to Indonesia. 

PARAGRAPH 5: Discuss how getting this scholarship will help you when you return. Consider your impact on community development and/or on benefiting Indonesian society.

PARAGRAPH 1: Description of PARAGRAPH 1: Description of thethe MA or PhD MA or PhD program you expect to undertake. program you expect to undertake.

Know what scholarly work or program you would like to accomplish in Know what scholarly work or program you would like to accomplish in the United Statesthe United States (or wherever) (or wherever). Decide what kind of . Decide what kind of mmaster’s or PhD aster’s or PhD program you need to take. program you need to take.

Include SPECIFIC courses that you want to Include SPECIFIC courses that you want to undertakeundertake or or identify youridentify your research focus. research focus.

It is important in this section that you not request that you be placed at a It is important in this section that you not request that you be placed at a particular University (IGNORE FOR NON-FULLBRIGHT PROGRAMS). particular University (IGNORE FOR NON-FULLBRIGHT PROGRAMS).

If you mention professors at a graduate school, mention something of If you mention professors at a graduate school, mention something of substance that reveals you know and appreciate that person's work. substance that reveals you know and appreciate that person's work.

Describe what you like most and what you would like to do as your Describe what you like most and what you would like to do as your research work if you are admitted. research work if you are admitted.

PARAGRAPH 2: Write a brief paragraph stating your PARAGRAPH 2: Write a brief paragraph stating your research (thesis) proposal. Discuss how your thesis will research (thesis) proposal. Discuss how your thesis will benefit your field and how you intend to undertake it. benefit your field and how you intend to undertake it.

The first sentence should read something like "I wish to The first sentence should read something like "I wish to study in the United States so that I might (complete study in the United States so that I might (complete whatever your project is)." whatever your project is)."

It is not enough to say that a master's degree or Ph.D will It is not enough to say that a master's degree or Ph.D will require that you write a thesisrequire that you write a thesis. T. This paragraph should his paragraph should clearly clearly state your thesisstate your thesis. .

Spell out your project brieflySpell out your project briefly;; discuss how your thesis will discuss how your thesis will benefit your field and the way in which you intend to benefit your field and the way in which you intend to undertake it. undertake it.

Express why you think you are the person to complete this Express why you think you are the person to complete this task and tell briefly why your project will benefit both the task and tell briefly why your project will benefit both the larger field of your study and the country when it is larger field of your study and the country when it is completed. completed.

PARAGRAPH PARAGRAPH 33: Explain how the description of the plan : Explain how the description of the plan above in PARAGRAPH 1 fits in with your previous above in PARAGRAPH 1 fits in with your previous training and your future objectives. training and your future objectives.

What experience in your background will assure that you What experience in your background will assure that you are ready to take coursework of this type?are ready to take coursework of this type?

If you have If you have aa problematic academic background, address problematic academic background, address that as well. that as well.

What future objectives will be facilitated by learning in What future objectives will be facilitated by learning in these areas?these areas?

Articulate what is particularly valuable about the Articulate what is particularly valuable about the perspective that you will bring to perspective that you will bring to your chosenyour chosen field of study field of study and to the specific departmentand to the specific department within the university within the university..

PARAGRAPH PARAGRAPH 44: Why do you need to undertake : Why do you need to undertake these studies in the United States (or wherever) as these studies in the United States (or wherever) as opposed to Indonesia?opposed to Indonesia?

Describe in detail why it is necessary that you undertake Describe in detail why it is necessary that you undertake your studies at this university and why this cannot be just your studies at this university and why this cannot be just as easily completed at home. as easily completed at home.

Contrast the resources and opportunities you feel might be Contrast the resources and opportunities you feel might be available to you in the States (or wherever) as compared available to you in the States (or wherever) as compared with Indonesia. with Indonesia.

Talk not only about infrastructure issues (research Talk not only about infrastructure issues (research libraries) but also about what impact being in a foreign libraries) but also about what impact being in a foreign culture might have and how it will positively impact your culture might have and how it will positively impact your future.future.

Do not make a general statement and tell how wonderful Do not make a general statement and tell how wonderful the university is. the university is.

PARAGRAPH PARAGRAPH 55: How will getting this scholarship : How will getting this scholarship help you impact community development and/or help you impact community development and/or benefit Indonesian society when you return after benefit Indonesian society when you return after completing your studies?completing your studies?

What are your future plans after receiving this degree? Be What are your future plans after receiving this degree? Be specific with your career goals. specific with your career goals.

Explain how your degree and knowledge in the field will Explain how your degree and knowledge in the field will benefit the community or society at large. benefit the community or society at large.

Mention any social/community activities that you might be Mention any social/community activities that you might be involved in upon your return. involved in upon your return.

Do not show self-interest and self-achievement as the main Do not show self-interest and self-achievement as the main goals of your career. goals of your career.

The Do’sUse a clear theme or thesis. The thesis is

the main point you want to communicate.Choose what you want to discuss and the

order you want to discuss it.Use concrete examples from your life

experiences to support your thesis and distinguish yourself from others.

Start your essay with an attention-grabber lead.

Revise your essay at least three times.Ask someone else to critique your work.Proofread

DoDo......Give yourself plenty of time to write and editGive yourself plenty of time to write and edit

your study objectiveyour study objective..Read the question carefully.Read the question carefully.Write the length of essay asked for.Write the length of essay asked for.Perform as much research on the university Perform as much research on the university

as you can.as you can.Accentuate your positive qualities.Accentuate your positive qualities.Mention your positive achievements as they Mention your positive achievements as they

apply to your graduate admission.apply to your graduate admission.

DoDo......Mention your work experience, volunteer work , or Mention your work experience, volunteer work , or

extra-curricular activities if they relate to your field.extra-curricular activities if they relate to your field.Be definite/concrete in your application.Be definite/concrete in your application.Make sure your essay is well-organized and Make sure your essay is well-organized and

everything is linked with continuity and focus. everything is linked with continuity and focus. Check your grammar, spelling, punctuation, and Check your grammar, spelling, punctuation, and

capitalization carefully. Ask as many others as capitalization carefully. Ask as many others as possible to proofread your work for writing style—possible to proofread your work for writing style—grammar, spelling, etc.grammar, spelling, etc.

WriteWrite multiple drafts and edits multiple drafts and edits until you have until you have perfected the study objective.perfected the study objective.

The Don’tsDon’t include information that doesn’t support

your thesis.Don’t start your essay with “I was born in..” or

“My parents came from…”Don’t write an autobiography, itinerary or resume

in prose.Don’t try to impress your reader with your

vocabulary.Don’t rely exclusively on your computer to check

your spellingDon’t use clichés such as “I want to help

people….”

Don’tDon’t......Flatter the university.Be phony or dishonest about yourself.Use empty, vague, overly-used words like

meaningful, beautiful, challenging, rewarding, etc.

Use overly common phrases and nonspecific information.

Repeat information from the application unless you use it to illustrate a point.

Try to be funny—humor can backfire.

Develop a theme?What is the message that you want to

convey?What are you commitments? Your passion?

Your goals?

What are your goals in life?For example, your goal in responding to an essay might

be:Demonstrate personal traits that are similar to the

traits of the person for whom the scholarship is named.

Use present tense and optimistic phrases to show that you are active, vibrant and can-do person.

Show how strong family support contributes to my success

Emphasize your sense of balance in academics & family life

Strong Study ObjectiveStrong Study Objective

I wish to continue my study in economics, particularly in Industrial I wish to continue my study in economics, particularly in Industrial Organization and Public Policy. I have spent many years studying Organization and Public Policy. I have spent many years studying economics and understand how economic policy impacts a country’s economics and understand how economic policy impacts a country’s prosperity. As a civil servant in the Ministry of Culture and Tourism, I prosperity. As a civil servant in the Ministry of Culture and Tourism, I have been involved in making recommendations for Indonesia’s have been involved in making recommendations for Indonesia’s tourism development policies. Because of extenuating circumstances, tourism development policies. Because of extenuating circumstances, tourism in Indonesia continues to fluctuate. However, because they tourism in Indonesia continues to fluctuate. However, because they are key components of future economic growth, better tourism are key components of future economic growth, better tourism policies must be developed. By earning a master’s degree in policies must be developed. By earning a master’s degree in economics with a specialization in Industrial Organization and Public economics with a specialization in Industrial Organization and Public Policy, I hope to gain the expertise needed to contribute toward Policy, I hope to gain the expertise needed to contribute toward better tourism development policies. better tourism development policies.

I would like to study economics so that I might gain an I would like to study economics so that I might gain an understanding of Industrial Organizational and Public Policy. The understanding of Industrial Organizational and Public Policy. The main objective of my thesis will be to explore the possibilities for main objective of my thesis will be to explore the possibilities for tourism development in Indonesia. I believe my project will benefit tourism development in Indonesia. I believe my project will benefit my field, particularly in regards to tourism development as it relates my field, particularly in regards to tourism development as it relates to developing countries. I will undertake my thesis by studying cases to developing countries. I will undertake my thesis by studying cases from other countries, considering how they manage their tourism from other countries, considering how they manage their tourism policies. My previous study and job experiences make me the ideal policies. My previous study and job experiences make me the ideal person to undertake this thesis and will equip me to impact my person to undertake this thesis and will equip me to impact my country as I play a part in formulating and implementing tourism country as I play a part in formulating and implementing tourism policies for Indonesia.policies for Indonesia.

After graduating from the Economics Faculty, Sebelas After graduating from the Economics Faculty, Sebelas

Maret University in 2003, I worked as a financial staffer in a Maret University in 2003, I worked as a financial staffer in a domestic airlines company until the middle of 2005. Although domestic airlines company until the middle of 2005. Although my job did not require application of all my academic my job did not require application of all my academic knowledge, I learned many new skills from my experience at knowledge, I learned many new skills from my experience at the airline. My position gave me an opportunity to develop the airline. My position gave me an opportunity to develop and sharpen my personal skills, such as how to cooperate and sharpen my personal skills, such as how to cooperate with co-workers or clients and how to finish financial/tax with co-workers or clients and how to finish financial/tax reports on time. These skills, together with my academic reports on time. These skills, together with my academic knowledge, have helped me accomplish my work in my job in knowledge, have helped me accomplish my work in my job in the Ministry of Culture and Tourism. However, I am not the Ministry of Culture and Tourism. However, I am not satisfied with my tourism and economics knowledge. By satisfied with my tourism and economics knowledge. By taking a dual degree program in economics, I hope to gain taking a dual degree program in economics, I hope to gain the knowledge I lack and to develop new skills that will the knowledge I lack and to develop new skills that will enable me to be more effective. I took forward to the enable me to be more effective. I took forward to the opportunity to share my own knowledge and experiences and opportunity to share my own knowledge and experiences and to discuss various aspects of economic development with to discuss various aspects of economic development with people from different backgrounds and cultures.people from different backgrounds and cultures.

Besides the advantages stated above, taking the dual Besides the advantages stated above, taking the dual degree program will be beneficial for me and the office where I degree program will be beneficial for me and the office where I work now because this program prepares its students to work now because this program prepares its students to integrate economic analysis with the management of integrate economic analysis with the management of resources. I will have a chance to consider Indonesia’s resources. I will have a chance to consider Indonesia’s economic development, including tourism, from an economic development, including tourism, from an international perspective. Moreover, the Netherlands has international perspective. Moreover, the Netherlands has better facilities such as libraries, internet access and better facilities such as libraries, internet access and international lecturers which will help me gain a thorough international lecturers which will help me gain a thorough understanding of economics. Additionally, I expect the understanding of economics. Additionally, I expect the international environment of the university and the culture of international environment of the university and the culture of the Netherlands will broaden my thinking and enrich my the Netherlands will broaden my thinking and enrich my knowledge and experience.knowledge and experience.

Holding a master’s degree in economics will give me an Holding a master’s degree in economics will give me an opportunity to be a leader in my division where I can opportunity to be a leader in my division where I can participate in planning good strategies for economic participate in planning good strategies for economic development in the tourism sector. My knowledge and ideas development in the tourism sector. My knowledge and ideas will benefit Indonesia as I help formulate and implement will benefit Indonesia as I help formulate and implement policies. I look forward to sharing my knowledge with my policies. I look forward to sharing my knowledge with my colleagues as we work together to move Indonesia forward. colleagues as we work together to move Indonesia forward.

  

Weak Study ObjectiveWeak Study Objective

DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE LAST DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTEMINUTE TO WRITE TO WRITE YOUR STUDY OBJECTIVEYOUR STUDY OBJECTIVE!!

Even though Even though the study objectivethe study objective is only one page, it is only one page, it will take a long time and SEVERAL EDITS to will take a long time and SEVERAL EDITS to produce produce a polished essaya polished essay..

Have someone who is a native speaker andHave someone who is a native speaker and//or familiar or familiar with academic writing give you feedback.with academic writing give you feedback.

Do not have them write it for you! Do not have them write it for you!

Useful LinksUseful LinksU.S. UNIVERSITIES DIRECTORYU.S. UNIVERSITIES DIRECTORY

College Navigator ( College Navigator ( http://www.nces.ed.gov/ipeds/cool/ ) )

EducationUSA ( EducationUSA ( http://www.educationusa.state.gov/ ) If You Want to Study in ) If You Want to Study in the United States: (the United States: (http://www.educationusa.state.gov/home/publications ) )

Hobsons U.S. Education Guides ( Hobsons U.S. Education Guides ( http://www.useduguides.com/ ) )

International Education Service ( International Education Service ( http://www.ies-ed.com ) )

Peterson's Guide for International Students ( Peterson's Guide for International Students ( http://www.petersons.com/college_home.asp?http://www.petersons.com/college_home.asp?path=ug.home&CMSMemberType=intpath=ug.home&CMSMemberType=ints ) s )

  Study Abroad.com ( Study Abroad.com ( http://www.studyabroad.com/http://www.studyabroad.com/ ) )

Useful LinksUseful LinksSTATEMENT OF PURPOSESTATEMENT OF PURPOSE

  All About the Graduate Admissions Essay. ( All About the Graduate Admissions Essay. ( http://gradschool.about.com/od/essaywriting/All_About_the_Graduate_Admihttp://gradschool.about.com/od/essaywriting/All_About_the_Graduate_Admissions_Essay.htmssions_Essay.htm ) )

The Princeton Review – Writing the Statement of Purpose ( The Princeton Review – Writing the Statement of Purpose ( http://www.princetonreview.com/opinionAdvice.aspx?type=grad ) http://www.princetonreview.com/opinionAdvice.aspx?type=grad )

How to Write a Great Statement of Purpose How to Write a Great Statement of Purpose ( ( http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/gradapp/stmtpurpose.htm )http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/gradapp/stmtpurpose.htm )

Writing A Winning Statement of Purpose ( Writing A Winning Statement of Purpose ( http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/gcallaghan/graduate/winningstatement.htm ) http://www.sjsu.edu/faculty/gcallaghan/graduate/winningstatement.htm )

UC Berkeley Statement of Purpose ( UC Berkeley Statement of Purpose ( http://career.berkeley.edu/Grad/GradStatement.stm ) http://career.berkeley.edu/Grad/GradStatement.stm )

It’s time to write!It’s time to re-write!

Show don’t tell!

Consider these examples:Version 1My family does not have a lot of money. I

worked my way through college by working at a bookstore.

Version 2I come from a middle class family that does not

have a lot money. So, I had to work my way through college by working part-time at a bookstore. I often did my homework and study while waiting for customers at the store.

Version 3I come from a middle class family that does not

have a lot money. I had to work my way through college by working part-time at a bookstore. I remember that I often studied and did my homework while waiting for customers at the store. Sometimes after school, I give private lessons to high school students for a small fee. Despite the busy schedule, I still have time to do some house chores to help my mother.

Make the Introduction InvitingI am a literacy volunteer. I did not decide to

do this work just because studies report that 32 % of adults in this country are functionally illiterate or because 43 % of people that have reading deficiencies live in poverty or even because 70 % of people with reading deficiencies have no job or only part-time job. My reason for becoming a literacy volunteer was much simpler. My father could not read.

WHILE YOU’RE WRITINGWHILE YOU’RE WRITING Be consistent in your use of verb tense.Be consistent in your use of verb tense. Check nouns for article adjectives (Check nouns for article adjectives (a, an, the).a, an, the). Check subject/verb agreement.Check subject/verb agreement. Check that all sentences are complete.Check that all sentences are complete. Make good transitions between sentences and Make good transitions between sentences and

paragraphs (paragraphs (however, additionally, thereforehowever, additionally, therefore, etc.) , etc.) where needed. Use hooks strategically.where needed. Use hooks strategically.

Use clear, concise vocabulary. Simple, concrete Use clear, concise vocabulary. Simple, concrete vocabulary is much better than misusing more vocabulary is much better than misusing more difficult words. difficult words.

Create workable transitionsTry not to use standard transitional phrases

such as “secondly” or as “a consequence”Try repeating the prior thought and

connecting to the next task. For example: Once I learned how to make my own basic product, I quickly developed more innovative products….

TransitionsFurthermoreMoreoverAdditionallyAlsoIn addition

ThereforeThusConsequentlyAs a result

In contrastOn the other handHowever

Guideline Questions for writing an effective Study ObjectiveHow did you become interested in this field?What kind of activities or experiences have

contributed toward your preparation for and understanding of this field.

What will be your contribution to the field of study, or to your organization you work for?

What attracts you most about the institution you are applying to and why are you match for their program?

RESEARCH PROPOSALThree big questions????

What research project will you undertake?

Why is it important for you to know that thing?

Why is it important for other people to know?

How will you proceed to make that research?

RESEARCH PROPOSALIntroductionResearch Paradigm: conceptual foundation,

assumptions Research MethodBibliography

Highlights on Grammar TipsMost common issues in the essays:Subject-Verb AgreementTensesSingular/ PluralArticlesPrepositions Choice of words

Subject-Verb AgreementSingular / Plural Subject Verb?Example: (simple present)My professor handle the laboratory work…X

(incorrect)My professor handles the laboratory ….Pertamina and PLN is undergoing major

changes………X (incorrect)Pertamina and PLN are undergoing major

changes………

TensesSimple present: routine activities, factsPast tense: past eventsPresent perfect: past events with current

effect or at an unspecified time;Future tense: future plans, intentions

Plural or singularToyota manufactures cars.Many banks were liquidated during the crisis. One of the reasons for this decline is…..The professor needs an assistant to help in

the laboratory.

ArticlesThe appropriate use of “the” and “a” or “an”“I graduated from School of Architecture and

Regional Planning…..” X“I graduated from the School of Architecture

and Regional Planning…..”I believe that there is possibility…XI believe that there is a possibility….

PrepositionsIn OctoberIn 2006In the afternoonIn summer

On 10th OctoberAt 10.00 PMOn WednesdayIn Depok

ExerciseHow did you become interested in this field?What kind of activities or experiences have

contributed toward your preparation for and understanding of this field.

What will be your contribution to the field of study, or to your organization you work for?

What attracts you most about the institution you are applying to and why are you match for their program?