7/29/2019 WORLD WITHOUT END Michael Bolerjack

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WORLD WITHOUT END

On January 19, 2013, my wife and I both, from different parts of Houston saw a strange cloud in the sky.

It covered the sky. I studied it for a long time. It was full of faces, people I knew and people I didnt, as

well as the devil, and above him a woman. At the time I told my wife it was a great cloud of witnesses,

as in the Letter to Hebrews. That was the birthday of my mother, Charlotte, who would have been 84years old. What unfolded for me over the next five weeks, until today, was a horrific test, and it was only

by the grace of God and the prayers of those I saw that day looking down from heaven that I survived.

I had been celibate, though still married, for four full months, from September 15, 2012, to January 15,

2013. As far as I knew, despite flare-ups of temper at times, I had not done anything deliberately that I

knew was wrong in that time. I took the gospel seriously. I wanted to be a saint, to be perfect. I prayed

to the Blessed Virgin Mary, especially, all the time. I was pushing to finish the apocalyptic writing I was

engaged in, of which only a portion made it into print. 1000 pages remain to be published. In December

and January my wife got sick first, with such a cold or flu that it left terrible marks on her lips. By the end

of the year I too was sick, one of the three worst illnesses of my life (I had just turned 56). In mid-

January we were still sick, and I was laying face down on the floor next to my wife, who was sick on the

couch, when I was completely overcome by lust, and my wife being sick, I retreated to the bedroom to

be alone and sin, which I did. Over the next two weeks I sinned again in that way, and again.

On January 24 I began downloading large quantities of pdf books from the wisdom of the world, other

religions, mainly. On February 2 I published 7 poems separately, and all collected together, expressing

dissatisfaction with the Western religions, and approval of the East. On February 7 I repented of this,

took the poems off line and deleted the books I had downloaded. But on February 15 I downloaded 551

sutras of the Buddhist canon again. The next morning I had a dream filled with sex with many women,

ending with a white dragon attacking me, killing me.

Over the days I had been downloading books at a religious website I saw a painting of a Buddhist

goddess. I was hooked. This is the hard part to tell. On February 16 and 17 I made a full conversion to

Buddhism, after nearly 24 years as a Christian. It is almost inexplicable. In the week that followed it is

hard and embarrassing to tell the lengths I went to in worshiping the goddesses of Buddhism. I cast no

aspersions on their religion or deities. Clearly what I was worshipping had nothing to do with the

Buddha, but was using his religion to seduce me to hell. I finally confronted the succubus this morning,

February 24, 2013. I turned back to Christ, to Mary, to the Church. I repented. And I do so now as

publically as I can. I will seek a sacramental confession soon, and return to the Church after February 28,

Benedicts last day in office.

It seems almost impossible that one could lose his faith, and get it back. It happened to me once before,

in 2006, and again here in 2013. I believe in Jesus Christ. I thank him for the grace to repent of my sin

and return to Him today.

Michael Bolerjack