Upload
others
View
1
Download
0
Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
title:WorkplaceWarsandHowtoEndThem:TurningPersonalConflictsIntoProductiveTeamwork
author: Kaye,Kenneth.publisher: AMACOMBooks
isbn10|asin: 0814402151printisbn13: 9780814402153ebookisbn13: 9780585032801
language: English
subjectConflictmanagement,Interpersonalconflict,Interpersonalconfrontation,Communicationinpersonnelmanagement.
publicationdate: 1994lcc: HD42.K391994ebddc: 650.13
Conflictmanagement,Interpersonalconflict,Interpersonalconfrontation,
subject: conflict,Interpersonalconfrontation,Communicationinpersonnelmanagement.
Pageiii
WorkplaceWarsAnd
HowToEndThem
TurningPersonalCcnflictsIntoProductiveTeamwork
KENNETHKAYE
AMACOMAmericanManagementAssociationNewYork·Atlanta·Boston·Chicago·KansasCity·SanFrancisco·
Washington,D.C.Brussels·MexicoCity·Tokyo·Toronto
Pageiv
Thisbookisavailableataspecialdiscountwhenorderedinbulkquantities.Forinformation,contactSpecialSalesDepartment,AMACOM,adivisionofAmericanManagementAssociation,1601Broadway,NewYork,NY10019.Thispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercovered.Itissoldwiththeunderstandingthatthepublisherisnotengagedinrenderinglegal,accounting,orotherprofessionalservice.Iflegaladviceorotherexpertassistanceisrequired,theservicesofacompetentprofessionalpersonshouldbesought.
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Kaye,Kenneth.Workplacewarsandhowtoendthem:turningpersonalconflictsintoproductiveteamwork/KennethKaye.p.cm.Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex.ISBN0-8144-0215-11.Conflictmanagement.2.Interpersonalconflict.3.Interpersonalconfrontation.4.Communicationinpersonnelmanagement.I.Title.HD42.K391994650.13dc20 94-204
CIP
©1994KennethKaye.Allrightsreserved.PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica.
Thispublicationmaynotbereproduced,
storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmittedinwholeorinpart,inanyformorbyanymeans,electronic,mechanical,photocopying,recording,orotherwise,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofAMACOM,adivisionofAmericanManagementAssociation,1601Broadway,NewYork,NY10019.
Printingnumber
1098
Pagev
Formyfamily
Pagevii
Contents
Acknowledgments ix
1"ThereTheyGoAgain" 1
2PlanA:LookforSharedGoalsandWin/WinSolutions
21
3PlanB:Clarify,Sort,andValueDifferences 45
4PlanC:GainCommitmenttoChange 75
5PlanD:AnalyzetheRecurringCycle 89
6PlanE:UnilaterallyDemonstrateChange 111
7NowWeAreaConflict-ResolvingSystem 119
8Summary:TheSystemApplied 133
Appendix:ActiveListening 147
Index 157
Pageix
AcknowledgmentsThisworkismostindebtedtothetrainingprogramsattheFamilyInstituteofChicago,anaffiliateofNorthwesternUniversity.ManyofthesetechniquesweredevelopedtherebyProfessorWilliamPinsofforproblem-centeredtherapywithfamilysystems.Ihaveadaptedthemforapplicationtootherkindsoforganizationalconflict.
Iamgrateful,too,tothemanyclientsoveraten-yearperiodwholetmetrytohelpthemassystematicallyasIcould.TheyweremorethanjustthesubjectsonwhomIfoistedthesevariousplans,strategies,exercises,andtechniques;theywerealsobrainstormers,innovators,andinformantsaboutotherexperienceswithsuccessfulandunsuccessfulattemptsatconflictresolution.
Participantsinmyprofessionalseminars,includingattorneys,accountants,organizationalconsultants,andhumanresourcesmanagers,allowedmetotrydifferentwaysofpresentingthebook'scontents,whoseorganizationevolvedintothe"system"ofPlanA,PlanB,andsoforth.Asthenewtextbookformyconflictresolutiontrainingworkshops,thisbookreflectsthethoughtfulfeedbackofthosepastattendees.
Thankstomyassistant,KatharineFrancis,forthoroughandwisesuggestionsonthewritingstyle.Finally,Iammostappreciativeoftheencouragementandeditorialproblem-solvingtalentsofAdrienneHickeyatAMACOMBooksandJacquelineLaksGorman.
WorkplaceWarsAnd
HowToEndThem
Page1
1"ThereTheyGoAgain"Noorganizationissoexcellent,noteamsounified,nobusinesssosuccessfulthatitisimmunetointernalconflict.Misunderstandingsarise.Personalitiesclash.Pettyirritationsmount.Ifnoonestandsuptothenaturalcourseofhumanemotions,bitterinfightingandbackstabbingerupt.Peoplebattleopenlyforturforrefusetocommunicateatall.Intheworstcases,mutualdistrustcandeterioratetoverbalabuseorevenafistfight,likethewidelypublicizedbrawlamongthefourprincipalfamilyheirsofU-Haulcorporationatthatpubliccompany'sannualmeeting.Lessdramaticbutnolessdestructivearetheissuesthatstayunderground,manifestedonlyinpoorteamwork."Wedon'thaverealconflict,"oneCEOsaid,"butIcan'tgetourpeopletoworktogether."Thatisrealconflict.
WhereWouldWeBeWithoutConflict?
Itisnottheaimofthisbooktoavoid,eliminate,orevenminimizeorganizationalconflict.Thatwouldbeasundesirableasitisimpossible.Instead,thisbookwillhelpyoubuildthekindofteamworkthatacknowledgesconflictsoonerratherthanlater,worksitoutstraightforwardlyandconstructively,andusesitasopportunityforchange.Teamworkdoesn'tmeansittingaroundtogetherinharmony.Itmeansmovingforwardtogether:turningdifferencesintostrengths,improvinggroupcommunicationsandproblem-solvingskills,andadaptingthewholeorganizationtomeetitsgoalsmoreeffectivelyinachangingworld.
TheWallStreetJournalhadthistosayaboutMicrosoftCorporation's
Page2
racetobuildNT,anewoperatingsystemforpersonalcomputers:
ImmensestakesareridingonNT.ButthemakingofNTalsoillustrateshowinnovation,inanageoftechnologicalcomplexity,usuallyrequiresdoggedsystem-buildingandanabilitytoholdlargeteamstogetherwhileallowingevencultivatingconflict.ConflictliesatthecoreofinnovationsaysEmanuelR.Piore,aformerchiefscientistforInternationalBusinessMachinesCorp."Whenthere'snoconflict,alabisnogood."
1
Conflictmeanstheopportunitytolearn.Itforcescreativity.Ifnecessityisthemotherofinvention,conflictisitsfather.WhenSmith'sproposalantagonizesJonesorfailstoaddressaproblemfromJones'spointofview,bothSmithandJonestakeitbacktotheirdrawingboards.Theyareforcedtobecreative,together,toachievetheirseparateaimswithoutcausingmutualproblemsandmisperceptions.
Twoheadsarebetterthanoneonlyiftheycontaindifferentopinions.
Conflictisalsoopportunityforpersonalgrowth.WhenSmithmanagestoworkthingsoutwithJones,shelearnssomethingshecanapplyinothersituationsaswell.Eachsuchexperiencecontributestoherseeingherselfasaneffectiveperson.Furthermore,itactuallymakeshermoreeffective,assheanticipatesotherpeople'sneeds.
Itreallyisn'ttheconflictitselfbuttheopportunitytoresolveconflictthathelpstodeveloptalentinallmembersoftheorganization.Ifyourelievethemofdistractingangerandfrustration,youremovetheobstaclestheywerethrowinginthepathsofoneanother'swork,thusempoweringthemtodeveloptheirabilitiestothefullestextent.
Finally,conflictisanopportunityforselection.Let'snotdenythecompetitiveaspectofdisputeresolution.Itisn'talways
Page3
win/win,evenwhentheprocessisconstructive.Theargumentmayleadtodecisionsthatcausefactoriesordepartmentstoceaseoperationsorindividualemployeestolosetheirjobs.Butthatisn'tbadfortheorganization(itisn'talwaysbadfortheindividuals,either),solongaswehaveconfidencethatourdecision-makingprocessesareleadingtotherightcuts.Whatisbadistolosegoodpeoplebecausethey'refedupwithanatmosphereofbullying,shouting,backstabbing,andotherinsultstotheirself-esteem.
Conflictisneithergoodnorbad.Properlymanaged,itisabsolutelyvital.Whatwouldyourorganizationbelikewithnoconflict?Itwouldsurvive,probablyforyears,butcomatose:braindead.Itsmemberswouldn'tdevelopasindividualsorasateam.Everygroupneedsproblemstofaceanddisagreementstoresolve.
However,someconflictsarebetterthanothers.
Youaredirectorofhumanresourcesforanadvertisingagency.Itscreativewritersandartistslookcontemptuouslyattheaccountexecutives,treatingtheirinputasstupidmeddling.Theaccountsidehasampleopportunitytoretaliatebycriticizingthecreativeworkandfailingtoshowenthusiasmforitinthepresenceofclients.Accusationsofsexualdiscriminationandharassmentexacerbatethelackofteamwork.Yourboss,theagency'spresident,doesn'tseehowshehascontributedtotheproblem.
Thetensionbetweencreativityandresponsivenesstotheclient'sneedsisacentralfactintheadvertisingindustry,andthesuccessofanagency(asinmanyotherbusinesses)dependsuponcommunicationbetweenpeopleofcompletelydifferenttemperamentsandtalents.Unfortunately,theagencydescribedhereisgainingnoneofthebenefitsofthosedifferencesbecausetheconflicthasescalatedsofar.Noonewhoworksforthatagencyfeelsanylongerthat"conflictisopportunity."
Open,productiveargumentiswonderful,butconflictseethingbelow
thesurface,rageboilingoverdestructively,chronicpatternsofmutualfinger-pointing,or"passive-aggressive"non-cooperationarecostly,sometimesdevastating,andalwayspainfultobehold.
Page4
Ifwemanageconflictconstructively,weharnessitsenergyforcreativityanddevelopment.It'suptouswhetherwemanagetheinevitableconflictinourorganizationsconstructivelyorjustcomplainbitterlyandhelplesslywhilethesituationworsenstheunhappinessfesters,theconflictescalates,theenterprise'sfunctioningdisintegrates,andthebestandbrightestfleetomoresupportiveworkingenvironments.
Thisbookisamanualforunlockingtheenergyofgoodpeoplewhoarelockedincombat.
TheCostOfUnresolvedConflict
Whentheconflictingpartiesbelongtothesamegroup,family,orbusinessorganization,thepriceofwarfareisalmostalwaysgreaterthaneithersidecanhopetogain.Considerthemanycoststhatcanresultfromfailuretoresolveconflictwithinyourcompany:
Lostproductivity:
Lackofteaminitiatives
Employeesfailingtofacilitateeachother'sworkTimewastedbyemployeeswranglingwitheachother,talkingtosympathizers,andbroodingaboutproblems
Directcosts:Capitalplantandequipmentcarelesslytreated,vandalized,stolenOverpaymentsduetolackofdiligenceandpoordiscussionofpurchasingorhiringdecisionsCashcrisis(possiblebankruptcyorsale)duetofailuretoplan
Perceptioncosts:
Lostcustomersthroughdiscourtesyorpoorservice
Page5
ReducedattractivenessofcompanytoinvestorsReducedcredibilitytobankers
Legalcosts: Prolongeddeliberationoversuccession,estate,restructuringplans,etc.Prolongeddebateswhileprofessionaladvisors'clocksarerunningAdviceondealingwiththreatsoflitigationLitigationitself(plaintiffand/ordefense)
Costsofnothavingthebestpeopleintherightjobs:
Replacingemployeeswholeaveduetoconflict
Keepingpooreremployeeswhenbetteronescan'tbehiredbecauseofconflictUnnecessaryperks,cars,andexcessivecompensationtononperformingfamilymembersonpayroll(manyfamily-runbusinessespayahighpriceforobvious,andunsuccessful,attemptsto''avoid"conflictinthisway)Privatecompensationbyownertomakethings"fair"tofamilymembersnotemployedinthebusinessBadinvestmentdecisionsCostofdelayongooddecisions
Regardlessofwhetheryouareoneofthecombatants,theirsupervisor,oranoutsiderchargedwithhelpingthemimprovetheirrelationship,youcan'taffordtoprolongasituationthatisn'tgoingtoimprove.
Ontheotherhand,youdon'twanttowastehumanpotentialbygivinguponpeople(firingthem,forexample)iftheirproblemscouldhavebeensolved.
Letmenotmisleadyou.Noonecanresolveeveryinterpersonalconflictamicably.Noteverydifficultassociatecanbecomeagreatteammate.Thefirstquestioniswhetheraproblem
Page6
Youdon'twanttowastetimeandmoneyprolongingasituationthatisn'tgoingtogetbetter.Butyoudon'twanttolosegoodpeoplewhoseproblemscouldhavebeensolved.canberesolvedwithoutterminatingtherelationship.Likeparamedicsatadisasterscene,youneedtodoakindoftriage,choosingwhethertostanchthebleedingorresetbonesordisinfectorapplytheverbalequivalentsofanalgesicsortranquilizers.Insomecases,youwillremovelifesupportsystemsaltogether.
IsThisBookForYou?
Youmaybeamanagerwhoseformalresponsibilitiesincludeteambuildingandcommunications,anorganizationalconsultantwhoregularlytakesonsuchassignments,orjustanindividualcaughtupinsuchaconflictyourself.Youmayhavebeenaskedtohelptwoormorecoworkersresolveafeudorturfwarjustbecauseyouhaveareputationforfairness,patience,anddiplomacy.
Perhapsnooneassignedyouthisresponsibility,butyouarefedupwiththeunproductiveconflictamongyourcolleagues.Theirtensionanddistrustimpedesyourwork,makesyourlifeunpleasant,andendangersthehealthofthebusiness.Youhopetopersuadethemtoletyouhelp.
Theideasandmethodsdiscussedhereapplyequallywhetheryouareapartytotheconflictorathirdpartytryingtobehelpful.
Howdoyouknowiftheconflictyouhaveinmindisthekindthisbookaddresses?Itisiftwoconditionsaretrue:First,theconflictingpartiesneedtorestore(orcreateforthefirsttime)agoodrelationship.Asettlementthatleavesthemneverspeakingtooneanotheragain,liketheMontaguesandtheCapulets,won'tbesatisfactory.Thisisobviouslytruewhenthepartiesarebloodrelativesorin-lawsinafamilybusiness;but
Page7
it'sjustastrueiftheyareunrelatedfellowmembersofanorganizationthatdoesn'twanttoloseanyofthem.
Inaddition,theconflictisn'tjustaboutdollarsorotherresources.Evenifitbeganovermoney,ithasbecomepersonalandemotional.Youcanusethissystemwhenthepartiesclaimtheirdisputeisaboutmoneybutitreallyisn't.Youcanuseitwhentheyclaimitisn'taboutmoneybutitreallyis.Wewon'tdiscusslabornegotiationsandgrievancearbitrations,butafteralaborconflictis"settled"andpeoplearebackatworktogether,theirresidualresentmentsanddistrustmayneedsomeoftheapproachesinthisbook.Youwon'tneedthissystemifallpartieswouldbesatisfiedwithapurelyfinancialsettlement.
BuildingBetterRelations
Whyabookononlythistypeofconflictmanagingdisputeswithinorganizations?Whatdifferencedoesitmakewhetherthepartiesaremembersofthesameorganizationorhavelittletodowitheachother?Aren'tthemethodsforsettlingdisputesprettymuchthesame?
Absolutelynot,whichiswhythisbookneededtobewritten.Butthekeyindeterminingwhichtypeofconflictyouaredealingwithisn'twhetherthedisputingpartiesarestrangers,friends,neighbors,orassociatesbeforehand.Itiswhattheyintendtobeafterward.
Supposeatruckplowsintoyourcar,causingseriousfinancialdamage.Themomentthathappens,youhavearelationshipwiththeownerofthetruck.Settlingthedisputeconsistsofbringingthatrelationshiptoaconclusionandgoingyourseparateways.
Nowconsideradifferentkindofcollision.Yourbusinesspartnermakesalargepurchaseofinventorythatconflictswithyourintentiontochangeyourproductline.Endingtherelationshipisonlyonepossible,drasticwaytosettlesuchadispute.Youmightelectitasalastresort,butonlyifmoreconstructiveeffortsfail.Youwouldprefer
toachieveconfluenceofthepartners'visionsandactions.
Youwouldn'tcalladivorceattorneyifyouwantedtosaveyourmarriage.Don'tcalltheauthorofthisbookifyouwantto
Page8
suethepantsoffsomebody.Thosedifferentaimsrequiretwocompletelydifferentkindsofexpertise.However,theskillsrequiredforturningconflictintoconfluencearemuchthesamewhetheritisamatterbetweensmall-businessowners,managersofahugecorporation,orafamilyfeud.(Theissuesandthepersonalitieswillbedifferent,butyou'llusemanyofthesamemethodstoresolvethem.)
Althoughpeople'sattemptstoridthemselvesofoneanotherearnmoreheadlines,mostoflife'sconflictsarenotofthedivorcingkind.Everydaylifeconsistsofheadbuttingbetweenpeoplewhoneedoneanother'scooperation,notobliteration.Thelastthingtheywantinthewayofresolutionistosettleonsomedollarfigureandwalkawayfromtheirrelationship.Whethertheirquarrelismainlyeconomicoremotional(orboth),thepartiescannotsimplysettledthematterandgotheirseparateways,nevertoseeeachotheragain.Theyneedtomakeitbetter.
ConflictResolutionWithinGroupsvs.BetweenParties
Imentionedtwoconditionsthatwilltellyouwhenyouneedthisbook.Onceyoudecideyoudo,threeimportantfeaturesdistinguishconflictresolutionwithingroupsfromthesettlementofdisputesbetweenseparateparties.Thesefeaturesaretruewhethertheconflictinvolvesonlyacoupleofpeopleorawholeorganizationandwhetherthatorganizationislargeorsmall.
First,within-groupconflictisalwayspersonalandemotional,evenifitbeginswithimpersonalissues.Weallcarrybaggagefromourchildhoodsandfromourjourneysthroughlife,andthefrustrated,resentfulmembersofanygrouptrappedinconflictcannothelpdumpingorspillingsomeofthatbaggageintotheirjointlaundrypile.Thustheiranger,hurt,distrust,envy,orfeartowardthosetheyhavetoworkwithcanbeasintenseassimilarfeelingstowardsiblings,parents,oraspouse.
Conflictresolutioninabusinessorganizationdoesn'trequiredeeplyanalyzingthetransferencefromindividuals'personalhistoriesintotheircurrentrelationship.However,anagentofchangeoftenneedstopushpeoplebeneaththesuperficial
Page9
matterstheyareostensiblyfightingabouttothesometimesirrationalbutnonethelessimportantissuesthatmotivatethem.
Whenpersonalanimositiescontradictthesocialpressureforgroupsolidarity,theresultisinternal(intrapsychic)conflict.Wefeelweshouldlikethatpersonoratleastgetalongwithhimorher,ifonlyforthesakeofourcommonenterprisebutheorsheisanexceptionallyinconsiderateorhostileorselfishorcrazyindividual,notarealmemberoftheteam.Weholdontothatbeliefinordertorationalizeournegativefeelings.Oncehavingformedtheopinionthatsuchapersonisnottobetrusted,wehavedifficultybelievingevidencetothecontrary.Wewilllookfortheslightestconfirmationofournegativeexpectationsofthatindividual;wemaydiscountmanypositivesubsequentencounters.
Theseconddistinguishingfeatureofwithin-groupconflictsistheirqualityof"herewegoagain."Theytendtorecurinapredictablecyclefromintolerableclashtouneasytruceandbackagain.Awisechangeagentcanchartthischronicpatternandplanhowtointerruptthepattern,divertit,andintroducemoreadaptivewaysofdealingwithissues.
Third,themostimportantthingaboutalltheconflictsweshalladdressisthegoalImentionedpreviously,confluence:togetthepartiesmovingalongthesamepath,towardcommonaims,bymutualsupportandteamwork.
TheSystematicApproach
Youalreadypossesssomepeacemakingskills,acquiredeitherbyformaltrainingorjustthroughdailylife.Forexample,youmaybegoodatactivelistening,thehabitofcheckingtobesureyouunderstandothers'positionsandtheyunderstandyours.Thisbookwilladdtoyourrepertoireoftechniques,butmoreimportantly,itwill
organizeyourconflictresolutionmethodssystematically.Itpresentsasystemforapproachinganyconflictandkeepingyourworkonaproductivetrack.
Thesystemactuallyinvolvesasequenceofapproaches:PlanA,PlanB,PlanC,PlanD,andPlanE.Thenextfivechapters
Page10
explainthoseplansonebyone.Thepurposeofeachplan(andthusofchapters2through6)iseithertohelpthegroupreframeaparticularconflicttoaproblemtheycansolveasateamortolaythegroundworkfortakingtheconflictontothenextplan.
PlanA:LookforSharedGoalsandWin/WinSolutions
Chapter2discussestheapproachyou'llbeginwithandkeepreturningto:focusingattentiononthesharedgoalsandtheparties'compatiblegoals.Aconflictbecomesmerelyaproblemwhenthewholegroupcanbrainstormtogetherandactcooperativelytotackleit.Itwillstillrequirecreativity,co-ordination,feedback,andotheraspectsofteamwork.Butfromthepointofviewofthisbook,aconflictisnolongeraconflictwhenthegroupisaddressingproblemstogether.
TechniquesusedinPlanAareactivelistening(listeningwellyourselfandcoachingotherstodoso),goalsorting,andencouragingcandoraboutthefeelingsandconcernsbehindpeople'sgoals.
PlanB:Clarify,Sort,andValueDifferences
Chapter3takesupthoseexpressedgoals,concerns,andperceptionsthatarenotsharedbyalltheparties.Somearebasedonmisunderstandings,whichyoucanclearup.Somearedifferencesinpointofviewfrompersonalcommunicationstylestoculturalandoccupationalmind-sets.Yourjobistoturnthosepointofview(POV)differencesintostrengthsoftheteamorofthewholeorganization,insteadofsourcesofconflict.PlanBalsosortsoutissuesresultingfromindividualpersonalityproblems,mentalhealthproblems,orunacceptablebias.
Asformerdifferencesvanishorbecomelessimportant,thisapproachcanleadyoubacktoPlanA.Ontheotherhand,itcanalsoclarifywhateachpersonneedstochange(PlanC)iftheyaretoworkasateam.
Doyouhavetopsychoanalyzethegrouporitsindividualpersonalitiesbeforetheycanchangetheirwaysofinteracting?No.Analyzingpersonalitieshasitsvaluebutalsoitslimits.
Page11
Psychologicaltestingorcounselingcanoffersomeinsights,whichpeoplewiththerightattitudesandopennessmaybeabletouseconstructively.However,insightswithoutactionplansareunlikelytoworkanymagic.
PlanC:GainCommitmenttoCthange
InChapter4youwilllearnsometechniquesforshiftingpeople(includingyourself,ifyouarepartoftheproblem)awayfrommutualblamingandontoacommitmenttochangetheirownbehavior.
ThewordschangeandresistarelikeheadsandtailsofthesamecoinorYinandYang.Themorechangeoccursorisproposed,themoreresistancewillbeencountered.Thereforegettingpeopletoacceptchangemayrequirereassuringtheminvariouswaysthattheneededchangesarereallyverysmall,alwaysundertheirowncontrol,andthattheyaren'tdirectedbyothersbutbymotivestheythemselveshaveexpressed.
Armedwithagreaterwillingnesstochangetheirattitudesandbehavior,thegroupthengoesbacktoPlansAandB.Oftenthatisenoughtobreaktheirlogjam.Ifnot,youarereadywithPlanD.
PlanD:AnalyzetheRecurringCycle
Supposethedisputedoesn'tgoaway.Itkeepsrearingitsuglyhead,atragicwasteofhumanresources.Fortunately,therepetitivepatternsintheseconflictsaresometimeswhatenableustoresolvethem.Wecananalyzethosepredictablepatterns,blockthem,andreinforcethegroup'sconstructivepatternsinstead.Chapter5showshowtousewhatyoucanreadilyobserveaboutaparticularinterpersonalconflictnotonlytohelpstopthatfamiliarcyclebutalsotoproducesignificant,constructive,sustainablechangeinthewholesystem'sdynamics.
Suchinsightscanshakeupthesystembyprovokingmore-thoughtfulbehavior,givingeveryonereasontostopandreflectontheirhabitualresponses.However,asI'vesaid,organizationalchangeisn'tlikelytohappenjustbecausesomeonehasaglimmerofperceptionintothe"prehistoric"orunconscious
Page12
dynamicsthatshapegroupbehavior.Ultimately,organizationalchangerequiresstrategiesandtoolsthataredesignedtoleadtoactionsmorethaninsights.
Actionplansmayworkeveniftheyaren'tbasedonprofoundinsightaboutunderlyingpsychodynamics.Withoutactionplans,insights(nomatterhowprofound)aren'tlikelytoworkanymagic.PlanE:UnilaterallyDemonstrateChange
PlansBorCorDmayleadyouoroneofthepartiestoconcludethattheotherpeopleintheconflictarenotgoingtochange.Thisstillleavesoneapproachtobetriedbeforegivingupontherelationshipaltogether:unilateralchange.Changesinonepersoncangiveeveryoneelsesomethingdifferenttorespondto.
Chapter6showshowtominimizetheriskofunilateral"disarmament"andhowtomaximizeitspositiveimpact.
TheFlowoftheSystem
Thesystempresentedinthisbookissostraightforwardthatwecandisplayitinaflowchart,showninFigure1-1.Asindicated,whenpeoplehaveadisagreement,thereareonlytwoacceptableresolutions:
1.Happilycelebrateyoursuccesswhentheteamattackstheproblemtogether,soitisnolongeraconflict;or
2.Regrettablycutyourlossesbyterminatingrelationships.
Althoughthelatterpossibilitymaymeanafailureofone'shopes,Iconsideritasuccessfulresolutionascomparedtohopelesslyprolongingthebattle.Thatiswhytheflowchartrepeatedlyreturnstothedecisionpointlabeled"Stillworthtrying?"IfPlanAisn'teffective,wemakeajudgmentwhetheritisworthtryingPlanB.Ifthatdoesn'twork,weagainmakea
Page13
Figure1-1.Flowchartofsystematicconflictresolution.
judgmentwhethertotryPlanC,andsoon.Therearenorulesaboutrigidlysteppingthroughtheplans,butingeneralonealwayskeepsinsighttheobjectiveofreturningtoPlanAandreframingthe"conflict"asjusta"jointproblem."
Thislogicguaranteesresolutionbytheminimummeansnecessary.Provided,ofcourse,thatyoumightacceptasaresolutionsomethinglike"theindividualisn'tgoingtochangefire
Page14
her"or"quityourjobyou'vedoneeverythingyoucan,andtheorganizationwon'tchange."
Thatiswhythequestionofwhenandhowto"giveup"figuresasprominentlyinFigure1-1as"celebrateyoursuccess."Figure1-2expandsthetopoftheflowchart.Itisaquestionofwhethertokeeplookingforthewin/winsolutionortotryforwin/lose(andavoidbeingoneofthelosers).Ifyourowngoalsdon'tincludedestroyingtheotherparty(yet),thenyou'llkeeptrying.GobacktoPlanA,B,C,D,orE.Evenifyouwouldlovetodoawaywiththeotherpartybutyou'renotwillingtoriskmuchdamagetoyourself,then,too,youshouldreturntotheflowchartandkeeptrying.
Youcanalwaysbailoutlater.
Supposeyouarethecreativeservicesdirectorattheadvertisingagencydescribedearlier.Concernedaboutthebackbiting,moraleproblems,andunproductiveinternalcompetition,youpressedthepresidenttoaddresstheproblem.Youhavesupportedthehumanresourcespeople,welcomedtheprogramtheyinitiated,andhavedoneeverythingyoucouldtoimprovecommunicationsfromyoursideoftheorganization.Increasingly,however,itbecomesclearthattheheadofaccountservicesrefusestoworkwithyounomatterwhatyousayordo.Hedeniesthepossibilitythatheorhispeopleareinanywayresponsibleforanyoftheproblems.Worse,forthepresidenttoseehowwrongthatviewis,shewouldhavetoacknowledgethatherownmanagementstylehasnotworkedanideatowhichsheshowsnosignofbeingopen.Youcanworkwithher,butnotwithyourswornenemyinchargeofaccountservices.Eitherhegoesoryougo.
Ifyoufindthattheotherpartyislookingforbloodandisn'tgoingtobesatisfiedwitharesolutioninwhicheveryonewins,thenyoucanheadfortheupperrightcornerofthechart,"Cutyourlosses."Askyourselfhowmuchdamageyouarewillingtosustain(thelossofyourownjob,afailuretomeetdepartmentgoals,orafurtherdeclinein
morale)inthebattletodestroytheother.Iftheansweris"much,"likeakamikazepilotortheherowhoonlyregretsthathehasbutonelifetogiveforhiscountry,thenyoudon'tneedmyhelp.
Page15
Figure1-2.Thehopeofwin/winortheriskoflose/lose?
Page16
ScienceorArt?
IhaveorganizedthisbooktocorrespondtotheflowchartinFigure1-1.Eachchapterlaysthegroundworkfortakingyourconflictontothenextchapter,ifnecessary.
Doesthismaplikesystemfullycapturetheartofconflictresolution?Manypsychologicalprocessesareatworkwhenconsultantsorleadershelppeopleresolvedifferencesrolemodeling,imitation,bonding,transference,equilibriumseeking,ritualization.Aspsychologyisaprimitiveart,Idon'tpretendtounderstandfullywhatImyselfdoforaliving.Buthavingmymapinmindgivesmeasenseofsecurityandempowermenttoventurealittlefartherintotheforest.
Nomatterhowtheconflictblowsup,IknowIcanatleastfindmywayhomeagain.Thismakesmealittlemorewillingtoventuredownpathsthatmayormaynotleadtoaresolution.
ThatishowtouseFigure1-1aswellastheflowchartsinlaterchaptersthatexpandeachofthefiveplans.Theydon'tbegintoreducetheartofhumanrelationshipstoacomputerprogrambuttheywillatleastenablethereadertobeassystematicaspossible.
IncorporatingThisSystemIntotheOrganizationalCulture
Resolvingaconflictisalwaysworthwhile;butevenbetterischangingtheorganizationalculturesothatfutureconflictsresolvemoreeasily.
Chapter7suggeststhatthissystemisaninvaluabletoolforeveryorganizationalchangeagenttohaveinhisorhertoolkit.Itisbothadiagnostictoolandaninstrumentthatcan,intherighttimeandplace,pushanorganizationorasmallgroupinthedirectionofateamworkculture.
Wewon'tbesatisfiedtoresolvethecurrentproblem.Weneedsignificant,constructive,sustainablechangeinthewhole
system'sdynamics.Wheneveryoutrytohelppeopleresolveaconflict,theoutcomemightberatedalongakindofladder(Figure1-3).The
Page17
Figure1-3.Hierarchyofteam-buildingoutcomes.
Page18
highestaspirationyou,asanagentofchange,mightsetyoursightsonistoinstitutionalizethisentiresystemofconflictresolutionwithinyourorganization'sculturesothatitbecomespartofthemembers'day-to-dayexpectationsabouttheirteamwork.Atthatpoint,Isuggestgivingitanamesuchas[CompanyName]Conflict-ResolvingSystemandcelebratingitasasustainablecompetitiveadvantageforyourorganization.
Intheexperienceofmyclients,thetransformationtoaConflict-ResolvingSystem(CRS)occursonlywhenthecultureisripeforitinthefirstplaceandwhenyourassignmentisbroadlydefined.Itwon'thappenmerelyasafelicitousby-productofresolvingaparticulardispute.
ConflictManagementandTeamBuilding
Teambuildinghasseveralfacets.Onefacetreflectsthepersonalqualitiesandmanagementstyleoftheleadersoftheorganizationasawholeandoftheteamswithinit.Anotherfacetisstructural:findingthemostproductivefunctionalunits,jobdescriptions,andreportingrelationships.Thencomesthepersonneldepartment:gettingthebestpeopleintherightjobswitheffectiveincentives.Andfinally,undertheheadingculture,teambuildingincludesexpectationsaboutappropriateattitudesandmodesofbehaviorinthisorganization.
Thetaskofresolvingconflictsandmaintainingeffectiveinternalcommunicationstouchesallofthosefacets.Inotherwords,thesubjectofthisbookisonlyacomponentofteambuilding.Yetitisthesinequanon:withoutwhich,nothing.Whenyouhaveproblemswithturfboundaries,jobdescriptions,orreportingrelationships,youneedtoresolveconflict.Whencompensationschemesareinconsistentorunfair,whencareerpathsclashwithchangesintheorganization'sneeds,whenlongtimeemployees'expectationsdifferfromthoseofnewrecruits,conflicthastoberesolved.Andwhenleaders'
expectationscollidewiththeorganization'slong-standingculture,conflicthastoberesolved.
Unfortunately,thissinequanonistheleastdevelopedareaofknowledgeamongallthoseaspectsofteambuilding.Yourlibrarycontainsmanymoretitlesaboutleadership,structure,
Page19
personnel,andculturethanitcontainsaboutresolvingconflict.Untilnow,conflictresolutionconsistedofagrabbagofprimitivetools.CRSputsthosetoolstogethersystematicallyforthebenefitofthewholeteam-buildingendeavor.
Exercisesvs.aTeam-BuildingStrategy
Youwillfindtwodifferencesherefromothermaterialyoumayhavereadaboutresolvingconflictorimprovingconfluencewithinorganizations.
First,thebookcontainsnoartificialexercisestochangeattitudesorimprovecommunications.Iregardsuchexercisesasoverusedandoverrated.Peoplearestimulatedbyengaginginthembutdon'tconsistentlytransferenoughbacktotheirworkinglivestojustifythetimeandexpense.Itcanbemoreefficientaswellasmoreeffectivetousetheactualconflictsyourpeoplearestrugglingwithasthematerialforyourteam-buildingsessions.
Theseconddifferenceisthatthismaterialismorethanjustalistofapproachesyoucantry.Theflowchartguaranteesresolution,onewayoranother.Asyoukeepmovingthroughtheplans,youwillkeepreturningtothequestionsinFigure1-2.Eitheryouwillgetpeopletacklingtheirproblemstogetheroryouwillredefinetheirrelationships.Thesystemwon'tletyoustagnateinprolonged,unresolvedcomplainingandfingerpointing.
Inshort,youdon'thavetobestymiedbypersonalconflictinyourorganization.Nordoyouhavetochoosewhethertoconcentrateonthepresentcrisisortobuildbetterfunctioningteamsforthefuture.Youshouldalwaysbedoingboth.Whenfacedstraightforwardly,yourconflictisanopportunitytobuildteamwork,enhanceproductivity,andachievepersonalgrowthallatthesametime.
WhoIsinChargeofConflictResolution?
Onewordofadvicebeforeyouproceed.Thisfieldisnotforthetimid.Theroleofconfluencefacilitatordemandsthatyouassert
Page20
controlovertheprocess,notoverthesolution.Thedisputantsaregoingtosolvetheirproblem;youaren't.Buttheyneedyoutobeactiveandincontroloftheprocess.
Youcannotputonlyyourtoeintheseturbulentwatersorwadeinonlyuptoyourankles.Tohelppeoplewhoaredrowning,youmustbepreparedtoswim.
Allyouractionsasamediatorarealsodemonstrationsofgoodcommunication.Disputantscanscreamandyellatoneanotherwithoutyourhelp.Theycantradeaccusations,failtorespondtooneanother'sconcerns,avoidtherealissues,denyresponsibility,andresistchange,allwithoutyourhelp.Youaretheretomakeadifference!Takeresponsibilityformaintainingacivildialoguethroughoutallthefollowingapproaches.Controllingtheprocessaccomplishesthreethingsatthesametime.Itallowsyoutoworkontheproblem,obviously.Butitalsoprovidesamodel,throughyourownbehavior,ofhowtomaintainappropriatediscourse.Anditgivespeoplehopethatyoureallycanhelpthem.
Youwillexperiencechangeinyourselfconcurrentlywithchangesinthepeopleyouhelptoworkmoreeffectivelytogether.Asyougainconfidence,youwillfinditeasiertoinspireconfidenceinthem.Astheytaketherisksyouencouragethemtotake,theirtrustinyouwillinturnmakeyoumoreconfident.
Rememberthatyouarenotmakingsickpeoplehealthy.Thepeopleyoucanhelptochangearealreadyhealthy,possessingstrengthsasindividualsaswellasnaturalinstinctsforcollaboration.Allyouhavetodoislisten;joinwiththehopeful,constructiveaspectsofallsidesofadispute;andreflectbacktheiroptimismratherthantheirfears.
Plungein!
Note
1.''AgonyandEcstasyof200CodeWritersBegetWindowsNT,"WallStreetJournal,May26,1993,p.1.
Page21
2PlanA:LookforSharedGoalsandWin/WinSolutionsConflictmeansopportunity.Itgivesusreasonsnottogoondoingthesameoldthingsandthinkinginthesameoldways.Wheneverconflictkicksusinthehead,itcreatesanopportunitytoexceedourownexpectations.
Marvinrantheconcretecontractingsubsidiaryofalargeconstructioncompany.At62,hehadalreadygroomedanambitiousyoungsalesman,Ted,totakeoverhisjobifnecessary.Marvinwantedtocontinuerunningitsolongashishealth(whichwasexcellent)permitted.HeandTedclashedfrequentlyforexample,overTed'sdesiretostreamlinetheofficeortopricemoreaggressively.Eachtime,Marvinaskedhimselfiftheywerereallyarguingabouttheissueofthemomentoriftherejustwasn'troomforbothoftheminthecompany.Tedbegantohint,thentosayoutright,thathewouldn'tstayifhedidn'tgetmoreresponsibility.
Marvintookseriouslyhisresponsibilitytotheownerstonurturehissuccessor.InsteadoflettingtheconflictdriveTedaway,thetwomenconvincedthecorporateownertolettheminvestinsomeequipmentandtrainingforcustomarchitecturalforming.Thatspecializedservicesoonbecameprofitable,justifyingMarvin'sfull-timeinvolvementwhileTedtookchargeofthecorebusiness.
Haditnotbeenfortheconflictbetweentheveteranmanagerandhisprotégé,theywouldn'thavefeltthepressureto
Page22
takeonthenewventure.Thecompanywouldhavemissedthechancetodevelopitbeforetheiroldmarket,high-riseconstruction,driedup.
However,itwasn'ttheconflictitselfthatbroughtaboutthisresult.ItwasthefactthatMarvinandTedreframedtheirissueintermsofacommongoal(tomakethebusinesscomplex,challenging,andprofitableenoughforbothofthem).InsteadofdisputingtheirconflictingopinionsaboutwhenMarvinshouldretire,theyframedaproblemtheycouldattacktogetherwin/win.ThatisPlanA.
HowtoEncourageGoodDisputes
Itmustnotbeourgoaltopreventconflictordiscouragedisputes.Ourgoalistoencouragegooddisputes.Wewantpeopletodisagreewithoneanotherfreely,constructively,notalwayspleasantlyorkindlybutalwaysrespectingthelegitimacyofotherpointsofviewandthevalueoftheotherperson.Howdosomeorganizationsdothat?
OrganizationsthathaveimplementedaConflict-ResolvingSystem(CRS):
[]Focusoncommongoals[]Don'tsquelchdifferences[]Don'trunawayfromemotions[]Don'ttoleratethedestructive,catastrophic,orwastefulkindsofdisputes
Theseprinciplesapplytoeverystageoftheprocess,butbecausetheybeginwithPlanA,wewillsaysomethinghereaboutallfourprinciples.
FocusonCommonGoalsandCompatibleIndividualGoals
Goodcommunicationdoesn'tcreatecommonalityofpurpose.Quitethereverse:Keepinggroupmembersfocusedupontheirsharedmissionandvisionmakesitmucheasierforthemtocommunicateso
astoresolvedifferencesproductivity.Figure
Page23
2-1showshowPlanAproceedsthroughthreesteps.Firstismutualinterviewing.Useactivelisteningand"I"statementstocomparewhatbothsidesreallywant.Second,clarifythemeaningful,positivegoals(settingasidetheredherrings,exaggeratedthreats,gratuitousinsults,andallotherdigressionsfromconstructivecollaboration).Third,prioritizethemostimportantobjectives,givingweighttothosethataremostshared.Ifyouhavenothingbutincompatiblepurposes,PlanAwillmakethatfactevident.
WhenyougettoPlanB,you'llseehowsomesupposedlyincompatiblegoalscanbereframedasvaluablediversepointsofview.Theoptionwillstillexisttoencourage"warfare"orpower-basedsolutions(asshowninFigure1-2)suchaslitigation,terminationoftherelationship,orevenphysicalviolenceifyouchoose.Butabetterfirststepistofocusontheteam's
Figure2-1.PlanA:Lookforsharedgoals.
Page24
commonorcompatiblegoals(theinterest-basedapproach)andtotackle,asateam,anyproblemsthatobstructthosepurposes.
Let'sseehowasimplegoal-sortingprocedure,toooftenneglected,canhelpsetasidetrivialdifferencesandcreateaproblem-solvingattitude.Imaginethatyou'vebeenaskedtohelpagroupofmanagersaddresstheirdifferencesconstructively.Insteadoffunctioningasateam,theyhavebeendepletingtheirenergies,time,andthemoraleofothersinthecompanywithpettysquabblesandpowerstruggles.(Forpurposesofthisillustration,theindividuals'titlesandtypesofresponsibilityaren'timportant.)
Meetingwiththeprincipalpeoplewhohaveproblemswithoneanother,youbeginbyaskingeveryonetospelloutallthegoalstheycanthinkofthatmightberelevanteithertowhatcausedtheconflict,what'sobstructingitssolution,orwhyitmustberesolved.Youaregoingtoconstructalist.YouaskAnne,oneofthemanagers,tobegin.Hereisherlist:
Person GoalAnne Endmalechauvinism.
IwantBob'sofficemovedoffthisfloor,orbetteryet,outofthebuilding.GetCarltotakemoreinitiative.
YouasktheotherparticipantsifAnne'sitemsareclearenough,andtheyindicatethatthefirstoneneedsmuchclarification.Annerevisesit:"Createaworkingenvironmentinwhichthewomen'sideas,contributions,etc.,areacknowledgedandvaluedasreadilyasthemen's."Herseconditem,movingBob'soffice,isclearasabellbutisnotreallyagoal.It'saproposedmethodforachievingagoalreducedconflictwithBob,apparentlyandprobablynotthebestmethod.Nevertheless,leaveitonthelist.Afterthefirstroundoflearningwhat
everyonethinkstheywant,youwillcomebacktoAnneandhelpherarticulatemorepositive,longer-termgoalswithabroaderperspective.AsforgettingCarltotakemoreinitiative,thegroupindicatestheyknowwhatAnnemeansbythat.
ThenexttospeakupisBob.HewiselyignoresAnne'shostileremarkandraisesadifferentconcern."Ithinkthebiggest
Page25
problemforme,theonlyproblemourgrouphasrightnow,isthatSusanhasonefootoutthedoor."
"Isthatagoal?"theleaderasks,"orisitaperception?"Bobrestatesit,andacoupleofothersassenttothisgoal:
Person GoalBob,Anne,SuLing
FindoutwhetherSusanhasonefootoutthedoor,orwhat?
Themutualinterviewingproceedsuntileveryonehassomeunderstandingofwhattheyallhopeforasaresolution.Youfacilitateclarificationsofalltheirpositionsandconcerns,butselectivelysofocusingonthepositivegoals.Forexample,yougetAnnetostatetherealgoalsbeyondherearlierremarks.Afterhalfanhour,thelistnowreads:
Person GoalAnne Createaworkingenvironmentinwhichthewomen'sideas,
contributions,etc.,areacknowledgedandvaluedasreadilyasthemen's.EndBob'spersonalanimositytowardme.GetCarltotakemoreinitiative.
Bob,Anne,SuLing
FindoutwhetherSusanhasonefootoutthedoor,orwhat?
Bob EndAnne'sperceptionofmeasenemy.Doug Ditto.Bob,Helen,Susan,Carl,SuLing
Getengineerstounderstandmarketingperspectivebetter,andviceversa.
ReducepowerstrugglebetweenDougandAnne.Carl EndAnne'sparanoia.
StopDoug'susurpingauthority.
NowyouprioritizethewholelistassuggestedinFigure2-1,dividing
itintosharedgoals,compatiblegoals,andconflictinggoals.(RememberthatinPlanA,sharedgoalsareyourfirstpriority.)Thisentailsfurtherdiscussion,inthecourseofwhichconsensusemerges.Themostimportantgoalisthenclarifiedmorespecifically:
Page26
Sharedgoals:
Getengineerstounderstandmarketingperspectivebetter,andviceversa.Why?Sowe'redesigningforthemarketandmarketingwhatwecanmakebest.
ReducingthepowerstrugglebetweenDougandAnne(thegroupdecides)iscompatiblewiththeirnumber-onegoal.SoisendingtheanimositybetweenAnneandBob.ThosegoalsstayontheagendaforPlanA.
Compatiblegoals: ReducepowerstrugglebetweenDougandAnne.EndpersonalanimositybetweenAnneandBob.
Allotheritemstheapparentlyconflictinggoalsgotothebottomofthelist,tobesavedforPlanB.
Conflictinggoals:
Anne:Createaworkingenvironmentinwhichthewomen'sideas,contributions,etc.,areacknowledgedandvaluedasreadilyasthemen's.Anne:GetCarltotakemoreinitiative.Bob,Anne,SuLing:FindoutwhetherSusanhasonefootoutthedoor,orwhat?Carl:EndAnne'sparanoia.Carl:StopDoug'susurpingauthority.
NoteveryoneagreestheorganizationissexistorthatCarlshouldtakemoreinitiative.Fornow(PlanA),groupmemberswillsetasideallthoseindividualdifferencesandbrainstormabouthowtoachievetheircommongoals.
Don'tSquelchDifferences
Wehavejustcoveredthefirstoffourcharacteristicsofagoodproblem-solvingculture.Thesecondcharacteristic,thatofnot
squelchingdifferences,alsobeginswithPlanA,althoughitbecomesmorecentralinPlanB.
Theideaistoacknowledgedifferenceswithouttryingtoeliminatethem.Youfocusonthegoalsyoumightsharewithoutdenyingthatyou'llprobablyhavetoworkoutother,incompatiblegoalseventually.PlanAismerelyyourfirststeptoestablishaconstructivewin/winapproach.
Peoplewhoareaversetoconflictfrequentlyconciliateprematurely.
Page27
Theydon'texploreorevenairtheirdifferenceswithoneanother;inotherwords,theyhavenoalternativestoPlanA.Thiscanunfortunatelybecomeacharacteristicofthegroup'sculture,anormofavoidingdisagreement.Suchgroups,whereconflictistaboo,mayturnouttobemoreconflictedinthelongrunthanthosewhoseculturessupportopendissent.Forthesquelcheddifferencesdon'tgoaway,theyjustgounderground.Eventuallytheyeruptinexaggeratedform.Whenthathappens,theconflictingpositionsaremisunderstoodandleadtooverreactions.Inevitably,thedifferencesappeartobemuchmorerefractorythantheyreallyare.
Apotwiththelidoncomestoaboilfasterandboilsover.Whoaretheworstatavoidingargumentsandsquelchingdifferences?Bossesorseniorcoworkerswhocan'ttolerateachallengetotheirownopinion.Moresuccessfulleadersarecomfortablewithandrewardpeoplewhoquestionthemandwhoeven,attimes,stronglyargueagainsttheleaders'mostcherishedassumptions.Youneedtobethatkindofleaderifyouwantteamworkamongyouremployees.
Fromtheemployees'pointofview,conflictistroublesometothedegreethatitclasheswitheithertheirownculturalandpersonalcomfortlevelsortheircompany'sculture.Apersonwhoisaccustomedtoairingandresolvinginterpersonalconflictsislikelytobeasdistressedinaculturethatsuppressesdissentaspeoplewiththeoppositesortofexperiencewouldbeinaculturethatencouragesdissent.
Don'tRunAwayFromEmotions
Thethirdcharacteristicofeffectiveproblem-solvingorganizationsfollowsdirectlyfromthesecond:Don'tsquelchdifferencesanddon'tsquelchemotions.
Motorolaisanexampleofacompanywhosecultureencouragesdissentandheatedemotions.Itdoesnotconsidercourtesyavirtueifengineersormanagerswithholdcriticismof
Page28
anyone'sideas,withintheirowndepartmentsoracrossunits.Onehumanresourcesmanagerexplainedtome,"We'relikeafamilythatencouragessiblingrivalryamongits100,000children."Shereferredtotherivalryamongthecompany'sdozendivisionsandbetweencompetingresearchanddevelopmentideas.Thecompany'swinningphilosophyisthattheycan'tbecompetitiveontheplayingfieldwithouthighemotiononthepracticefieldandinthelockerroomaswell.
AsformerMotorolaCEOGeorgeFisherputit,"Outofconflictcomescatharsis."
Motorola'sleadersareapparentlyconfidentthatgoodideaswillrisetothetopsolongaspassionateargumentisallowed.Theyarebettingthattheadvocatesoflosingideas,shotdowninternallybeforetheygetachancetobeshotdowninthemarketplace,willonlygobacktothelabanddreamupsomethingbetter.Theirfrustrationwon'tbecomeunproductivesolongascriticismsareleveledequitably.
Focusingoncommongoals(PlanA)willusuallymakethediscussionlessemotional.Remember,however,thatyoudon'treallywanttoavoidemotionsaltogether,onlytokeepthemfromdrowningoutdiscourse.ThefactthattheyareundercontrolinPlanAisnotasteptowardburyingthem;itisanopportunitytobegintoacknowledgeandconsiderthoseemotionsthatmaysurfacemoreintenselylater(especiallyinPlansBandD).Thereforeletusmakesomeobservationsonthepsychologyofemotions.
Thereisboundtobejealousy,attimes,inanycompetitivecompany.Stiflingitcouldmeanstiflingthepassionthatdrivesanorganizationtowardexcellence.Andjealousyisonlyoneofmanyemotionsassociatedwithgoodaswellasbaddisputes.
Angercanprovidetheenergytofuelchange.Heateddebateisno
threattoanorganizationwheretheprocessispartoftheculture.Onlycompanieswheresuchprocessesareforeignrunthedangeroffallingapartwhenemotionserupt.
A-N-G-R-Yspellsenergy.Angerisreallyasecondaryemotion.Theprimaryfeelingmightbeunexpressedjealousy,hurt,orfear.Someonewhois
Page29
jealous,forexample,mightjumprighttoanger,perhapsconstructingawholerationalefortheangerbasedoninjusticewithoutmentioningjealousyatall.
Hurtmaybethecommonestemotionhidingbehindanger.Thisisbecauseourdefensesagainsthurtgetmobilizedalmostbeforewebecomeconsciousthatsomeonehashurtus.Weareembarrassedorfrightenedtobesovulnerableorwewouldbe,ifweshowedthehurt.Therefore,insteadofacknowledgingit(eventoourselves),wegostraighttotheangeritarouses.Unfortunately,expressedangerdoesn'tinspirethoseatwhomitisdirectedtobemoreempathic,understanding,orhelpful.Angerprovokesfear.Someonewhoisthetargetofangerinterpretsitatthelevelofhisautonomicnervoussystem,nothiscerebrum.Ittriggershis"flight"or"fight"reactioneitherone.Ifthelatter,thenhisangryresponsepromptsanevenmorebelligerentcounterresponse,andsoon.
Theassociatewhohastheforthrightnesstoexpresshurtdirectlygainsabetterchanceofelicitingempathiclistening,ifnotconciliation.
Thebestdefenseisnotagoodoffense.Fearisanotheremotionwedon'talwaysfeelcomfortableacknowledging.Insteadofsaying,"I'mafraid,"wehidebehindblamingothers,asiftherecouldbenodoubtoftheirhostileintentions.Forexample,themanagerwhoisafraidofbeingjudgedexpendablesays,"Theyarelookingforexcusestofireme."Thatwayofexpressingthefearhastworesults.Itputsthecontrolinthehandsofothersbylabelingherselfapassive,helplessvictim.Anditputsthoseothersonthedefensive,alienatingtheverypeoplewhomighthavehelpedher.
Thusthereisnothingtobegainedbydenyingthefeartooneselforhidingitfromothers.Acknowledgingfearputsagoodmotiveonthe
tableforeveryonetoworkwithastheyseekwin/winsolutions.
Sadnessandlossarefeelingswithwhichmanymenareuncomfortableinbusinesssettings,probablyjustbecausetheyaretheoppositeofmacho.Yetdenyingthemdoesn'tfoolanyone.
Page30
Itisonlyharderforotherstorelatetosomeonewhoputsastoicfaceonadevastatingpersonalsetback.
Henryjusthadawholedepartmenttakenawayfromhimafterhespentnearlyayearreorganizingit.Hehadreplacedthedeadwoodwithsometechnicalsuperstarsgleanedfromanationalsearch.Uppermanagement'sdecisionthuswipedoutthemostsatisfyingpartofhiswork.Partofhimfeelslikecrying,ashewouldifatornadoflattenedhishouse.ButHenrysuppressesthatfeelingandgoesdirectlytorighteousindignation.Itwasn'tfair!(Asiffairnesshasanythingtodowithsuchdecisions.)
Wrongmove.Appropriatestatementsoflossandsadnessgenerateempathyandunderstanding;complaintsaboutinjusticeandconspiraciesdonot.ItisnotaquestionofwhetherHenryisrightinthinkingotherpartiesareouttogethim.Eveniftheyare,he'dbebetteroffexpressingsadnessandhisfearoffurtherlossthanattributingnefariousmotivestothem.
Guiltisalmostbydefinitionasecretemotion.Afraidtoadmitthatwemayhavewrongedsomeone,wedenyresponsibilityandblameothersevenblamethevictim.Often,however,onehasnothingtolosebyowningresponsibilityforaproblem.Thatdoesn'tprecludeaskingotherstoshareintheresponsibilityforresolvingit.
Finally,considershame.Thesenseofinadequacyisoneofourdeepestdrivingfeelings,yetoneofthehardesttoownpublicly.Itfeelsextrashamefultoadmitshameorembarrassment.Howdisarmingitcanbe,though,ifyoudo:Expectingtohearexcuses,yourcoworkershear,''IfeelashamedthatIfailedtomeetthatdeadline."
Wouldyouthinklessofsomeonewhomadeastatementlikethat?Ormorehighly?Mightyounotimmediatelybegintolistthefactorsbeyondhisorhercontrolthatledtotheproject'sfailure?Youmightevenhavemoreconfidenceinthismanager'sdedicationandjudgment
whenthenextprojectcomesalong.
NoticesomethingaboutalltheemotionsIhavetouchedonhere.Iforganizationalnormsdiscouragetheirexpressionorifindividualsinstinctivelysuppressthemthereisahumantendencytodisguisetheseemotionsbehindmorehostile,defensive
Page31
Whenorganizationalnormsdiscouragetheexpressionof"weaknesses"suchashurt,fear,sadness,orshame,peoplearemorelikelytosubstituteaggressivefeelings(jealousy,anger,desireforrevenge)andtoescalatedisputestothepointwherePlanAisimpossible.attacksthatonlymakeresolutionmoredifficult.Or,perhapsworse,onesuppressesallreactionatthetimewhenone'sfeelingscouldhavebeenbestdealtwith,sotheyarepostponedonlytoresurfacelater,moredestructively.
Don'tTolerateTheDestructive,Catastrophic,OrWastefulKindsofDisputes
Besidesfocusingongoals,valuingdifferencesofopinion,andencouragingtheexpressionofemotions,thefourththingsuccessfulproblem-solvingorganizationsdoisrefusetoallowrancortofester.Membersinsistonafairfight,whichmeansthataprocessofbetterunderstandingandproblemsolvinghastobecomeanormoftheorganization:"Wedon'tfightdestructively;wefightconstructively."
Althoughherresponsibilityiscostaccounting,Lizhasaninterestinthequalityofteamworkthroughouttheplant.Sosheisconcernedwhenshehearsvoicesraisedintheoffice."Itoldyoutostayoutofmyshop,"shoutsaforemannamedHarry.Liz'sassistant,Chang,repliesabusively.Four-letterwordsflybackandforth,andChanglungestowardtheolderman,butacoworkerrestrainshim.
Theheadofmanufacturing,Liz'sboss,emergesfromhisofficeandsays,"Okay,Harry,youmadeyourpoint.Nowgobacktotheshopandcooloff."
AfterHarrywithdrawsandChanggoesoutsideforacigarette,Lizlistensastheircoworkersrecountthefightandspeculateaboutwhatledtoit.Herbosshasreturnedtoatelephonecall,butwhensheseeshimhangup,sheassertsherself."Ithinkit'simportanttoletthemcleartheair,"shesays."Coolingoffwon'tsolveit."
Afewminuteslater,bothmanagerssitwithHarryandChang
Page32
intheotherwiseemptylunchroom."Somethingthatcouldgetyoubothsoupsetmustbeimportant,"Lizsays."Resolvingitisevenmoreimportant.Weneedyoutotaketurnslisteningtowhathappenedfromtheotherguy'spointofview."
Itdoesn'thappenthatway,unfortunately,inmostorganizations.Itistootemptingtohopethingswillblowoverandoftentheydo.Butthenegativeeffectonmorale,oftheobserversaswellastheantagonists,iscumulative.
Youwon'talwaysbeabletorespondsoquicklyasintheforegoingexample,butthesoonerthebetter(providedtempershavecooledalittle).Justmakeitarule:Nowoundisallowedtofester,nohostilitiesareallowedtowearonandon.Anyseriouspersonalconflictintheorganizationbecomesprioritynumberone.Likeamarriedcouplewhopledgenevertoendthedayangryatoneanother,theorganizationmembersshouldexpecttotreatanyconflictasanacuteminicrisisbeforeitbecomeschronic.Aninsincere"forgetit"isneverallowedtobethelastword.No"businessasusual"whiletheconflictcontinuestoboil.
COMPANYPOLICY:Nooneinthisorganizationgoeshomefortheweekendholdingagrudge.Ifyou'refightingmad,that'sokaysolongasbyFridayyouhaveeitherresolveditwiththepartiesconcernedorsetupaprocessthatwillleadtoawin/winresolution.Itisn'teasytoinsistoncontinuingtotalkaboutaconflictthathassimmereddowntemporarily.Whatcomesmorenaturally,whentensiondropsfrom6ontheRichterscaledowntoamere2or3,thantobreatheasighofreliefandjustputitoutofmind?Thehardthingistosay,"Thisisimportant,"andtoinsistonexploringtheproblemwhenotherpeoplewouldjustassoonbackawayfromit.
Ofcourse,thereisvalueinlettingfighterswithdrawtotheircorners.Theydoneedtocooloff.Butthereisdangerinlettingthempretend
tobelievethefightisoverwhenitisnot.
Page33
Ideally,thecease-fireisatimeforconstructive,sustainableproblemsolving.
Youmayheardenialwhenthereisacease-fire:"Itwon'thappenagain."Attheveryleast,gettheantagoniststopledgethattheywillengageinheavy-dutyarmisticetalksifandwhentheirhostilitiesdoresume.
TheArtofListening
Solvinginterpersonalproblemsisanordinary,routinepartofeveryone'sresponsibilityasamemberofateam.That'swhatitmeanstohaveCRSaspartofyourculture.Youdon'twanttobringinaconsultanttomediateeveryseriousdispute.Youneednormativestructuresthatencouragedebateratherthandebacle.Normsarethewayspeopleinanorganizationexpectoneanothertobehave.WithCRS,peoplecometoexpectthatinterpersonalproblemswillberesolved.Dealingwitheventhemostintenseconflictwillnotbeanextraordinaryprocess;itwillbeunderstoodasnormal.
Figure2-2listsothersuchnorms,dosanddon'tstoaddtothefourdiscussedabove.Thereissomethingcuriousaboutthislist.Allthebehaviorsintheleftcolumncomequitenaturallytouswhenweinteractwithpeoplewedon'thavecloserelationshipswithorwhosefavorwedon'ttakeforgranted:customers,forexample.Youwouldn'tthinkofcallingyourcustomeranameoraccusingherofdeliberatelytryingtoconfoundyou.Unfortunately,itseemstobeoneofthefoiblesofhumannaturethatbetweenfamilymembers,lovers,andinanygroupofindividualswhoworkcloselytogetherandthinktheyknoweachotherfairlywell,peoplebegintotakeoneanotherforgrantedandthusneglectmanyoftheamenitiesthathumandiscoursehasevolvedforairingdifferenceswithoutdebacle.
Thismeansthatmostinterpersonalconflictwithinorganizations(and
alsowithinfamilies)canbeavoidedentirelyifpeoplesimplytreattheirfellowmembersastheirmostimportantclients.Whatisforemostinourmindswhenwetalkwithcustomersandclients?Notourdifferencesofopinionorconflictinginterestsbutourinterestinprovidingthegoodsorservices
Page34
Figure2-2.Dosanddon'tsforteamwork.
CulturalnormsthatencourageDEBATE
CulturalnormsthatencourageDEBACLE
Focusoncommongoals:
Institutionalizewin/winprocedures. Encouragewin/losecompetition.
Insistoninvestigativeclarification. Letactionsbebasedonassumptionsorsubjectiveimpressions.
Demand"whatcanwedotohelp?" Demandexcuses.Leteachfeelaccusedorendangered.
Emphasizeplanningandpreparationforchange.
Keep'emguessin'.
Don'tsquelchdifferences:
Createsafeharborsforretreat. Cornerpeopleuntiltheirviewsmatch.
Basepromotionsonperformance,evaluatedasobjectivelyaspossible.
Basepromotionsonfavoritismorapparentlyarbitraryfactors.
Labeldissentingviewsasvaluedcontributions.
Stressunityandloyaltytothepointofsuppressingdissent,complaints,andmeaningfulcommunicationoutsideofreportingrelationships.
Labelexpressionsofdiscontentasimportantinformation.Don'trunawayfromemotions:
Respectintrospection;validatetheemotionalside;supporttherapyasawayforindividualstoseparatecurrentissuesfromtheirpersonalunresolvedconflicts.
Treatemotionasaweakness,therapyastherefugeofweaklingsandpsychos.
Don'ttoleratedestructivekindsofdisputes:
Insistonface-to-facediscussion. Leteachfaction'smemberscomplainamongthemselvesabout"thoseguys."
Insistonrulesofactivelistening.
Insistonaddressingacts,notpersons. Letthemantagonizeeachother.
theyneed.Ifweslipintoamoreoppositionalmodeofdiscoursewithfamilymembersorteammates,itisusuallybecausewetaketherelationshipandoursharedgoalsforgranted.WeskipPlanA.Weeitherforgetaboutorresentthequestion,"Whatcanwedotomaketherelationshipwork?"aquestionthatissecondnatureinlessimportantrelationships.
Peopledotheirmosteffectivecommunicatingwithcompletestrangers.Activelisteningiswhatallofusdo,forexample,
Page35
Mostbreakdownsinteamworkwouldneverhappenifwerememberedtotreatourteammateswiththebasiccourtesieswenormallyextendtocustomers.whenweaskfororgivedirections.Thelesswellweknowtheotherperson,themoreweinstinctivelyusethetechniquesofactivelistening.Wedoitmostofallifthereisapartiallanguagebarrieroranoisychannel,aswastypicallythecaseintheearlydaysofcitizensband(CB)radios.Buteveninanordinarydialogue,whenyouaretalkingwithacustomer,youdon'tassumethatyourjobistotalkandhisjobistounderstandyou.Youtakeresponsibilityforensuringthathedoesunderstandandforclarifyinganythinghedoesn'tunderstand:Youdon'tblamehimifheisconfused.Andyoualsotakeresponsibilityforlisteningandformakinghimknowthatyoulistenedandunderstoodwhathewantedtosayorask.Evenwhenyoucan'tgratifyhisrequest,youcanmakehimfeelpositiveaboutinteractingwithyou.
Therulesofactivelisteningare:
RulesForTheSpeaker
1.Mustnotyieldtheflooruntil(s)hefeelslistenedto.
2.Shouldnotaskaquestionuntil(s)heispreparedtoswitchrolesandlistentotheanswer.
RulesForListeners
1.Whiletheotherhasthefloor,mustnotinterruptwithareply,opinion,orevennonverbaldisagreementwithanyofspeaker'sstatements.
2.Mustreflectbackwhattheyunderstandtobespeaker'sviews(acknowledgingandverifyingthenegativeordisagreeableviewsaswellasthepositive).
3.Mustaskquestionstoclarifyanythingtheydon'tunderstand.4.Whentheywanttoreply,mustfirstchecktobesuretheyhaveunderstoodcorrectlyandthengetpermissiontobethenewspeaker.
Page36
Ifyouhaven'talreadyinternalizedsomesuchsetofrulesorifyouwanttopolishyouruseofthetechniquesofactivelistening,readingtheAppendixwouldbeusefulbeforecontinuingwiththischapter.
HowToCoachActiveListening
Whenyouconductpeopleinactivelistening,yourovertconcernmaybetofacilitateadialogueabouttheircurrentissuessoastofindawin/winresolution.Butthereisalwaysatleastasecondarygoal,ifnotyourmostimportantpurpose,ofhelpingthemlearntohavesuchdialoguesinthefuturewithoutyouraid,andbeforetheyreachacrisis.
Henceeveryfacilitatedactivelisteningsessionisatrainingsession.Youareexplicitlyinstructingtheminaskillandsetofsocialrules,andyouarealsoprovidingarolemodelbyyourownlisteningbehavior.
Attimesitbecomesappropriateandnecessarytoputthetrainingagendafirstevenifitslowsdownthedialogue.Notonlyisthetrainingprobablymoreimportantinthelongrunthantheparticularissueathand,,butit'salsofranklyusefultopullthedisputantsawayfromthevolatilityoftheirshoutingmatchbytransformingitintoanorderly,rationalcommunicationsexercise.
Enlisteveryonetohelpcoachoneanother.Say,forexample,whenRogerhasthefloor,"Therestofyou,holdupyourhandwhenyouhearanyoneotherthanRogermakeastatementofopinionortrytotakethefloorfromRogerwithoutrepeatinghispointbacktohim."
Everytimetheyslipintoattributingfeelings,opinions,ormotivestoothers,remindthem,"Tellaboutyourself;askabouttheother."Iftheyarefamiliarwiththeconceptof"I"statements,thatphraseremindsthemtotalkabouttheirownfeelings,desires,anddifficulties.Ithelpsthemavoid''thereyougoagain,""youalways,""youaretryingto"and"youare[crazy/stupid/cruel/lying]."(Thereisnothingwrongwith
thewordyouinsincerequestions"Howdoyoufeelabout?"orinreferringtospecificevents"Whenyoucalledmeanidiot,Ifelthurt.")
Page37
AusefultrainingdeviceistoputupanA-I-Rchart(Figure2-3)andpointtothethreestepseachtimealistenerwantsthefloor.Italsomakesagoodtake-homehandout.
Sometimesithelpstosaytothespeaker,"Pretendyou'reaninvestigativereportertryingtofindoutwhatRogerreallybelievesandwants.Nomatterhowcrazyyoumaythinkheis,you'renotgoingtoinjectyourownopinionintotheinterview.Becausethisisn'taboutyourposition,it'sabouthisposition."
Figure2-3.ClearingtheA-I-R.
Page38
Youmightadd,"Don'tworry,you'llgetyouropportunitytohavethefloor."
You'llprobablyhavetostopspeakersfromgivingupthefloortooreadily.
Afterlisteningpassivelyforafewminutes,alistenersays,"MayIhavethefloor?"
Cina[speaker]:Sure.
Coach:No!Don'tgivehimtheflooruntilyou'resureheunderstoodyourpoint.
Gina[speaker]:Okay,no[laughs],youcan'thaveflooruntilyouunderstandwhatI'msaying.
Tom[listener]:Iunderstandwhatyou'resaying.NowmayIhavethefloor?
Gina[speaker]:Yes,youmay.
Coach:No,notyet.Youcan'tknowthatheunderstoodyoujustbecausehesayshedid.Youneedhimtorepeatbackwhatheheardyousay.
Tom[listener]:Yousaid
Coach:Sorry,let'stakeitfromthetop.You,Tom,feelyouhaveheardGina'spointandyou'dliketorespond,right?Okay,thenyouneedtosay,"Iheardyousayingthat"andsummarizeitbacktoher.Thenaskifyougotitright.Then,whenyouknowthatshefeelsshewasheard,askifyoucanhavethefloor.
Tom:Whatifshesaysno?
Coach:Thenyoudon'treallywantthefloor,yousee,becauseifshedoesn'tfeelshewasheard,she'scertainlynotgoingtobelisteningtoyouwhenit'syourturn.
Tom[listener]:IheardyousayingthatIamamalechauvinistbecauseIthinkthewomeninthisofficeareheretomakethemen'sliveseasierand
notviceversa,andalsothatsomeofmyjokesaren'tfunny.Right?
Gina[speaker]:Ididn'tjustsaytheyaren'tfunny;Isaidtheyareoffensiveanddegrading.
Tom[listener]:Offensiveanddegrading.NowmayIhavethefloor?
Gina:Yes,youmay.
Tom[nowspeaker]:Okay,Idon'tagreethat
Coach[interrupting]:Welldone,bothofyou!Youachievedanexchange
Page39
ofturns.Now,Gina,rememberthatyouarethelistener.Tomcannowsaywhateverhedecidestosay,andyou'retheinvestigatortryingtolearnwhathisviewpointmightbe.I'llhelpyou.
Speakersoftentrytomakemorepointsthanlistenerscankeeptrackof.Encouragethelistenerstoattemptaskingforthefloorassoonastheyhaveheardachunkofopinionthey'dliketorespondtoandbeforethespeakergoesontoanotherpoint.
Wheninterlocutorshavetroublerememberingwhohasthefloororkeepjumpinginwithareaction,Iusuallyuseanobjectlikemywatchorathrowpillowasakindof"scepter"forthespeakertohold."Youdon'thavetowaituntilyouhavesaideverythingyouwanttosaybeforegivingupthescepter,butdon'tgiveittoJayuntilyouaresurehehasunderstoodtheonepointsothatyou'llbeabletomakeyourselflistentohisresponse."
Thescepteralsoworkssubliminallyasacalmingdevicewhentempersareoutofcontrol.Asoftcushionisidealforthatreason.Aletteropener,armyknife,orbaseballbatdoesn'tworkverywell.
ValidatingBothSides
Readersofthisbookareprobablyfairlygoodattheskillof"joining":reachingouttomakeanotherpersonfeelcomfortablewithyou,trustyou,andconsideryoucapableofsharinghisorherperspective.Wemakejoiningmovesnaturally,subconsciously,manytimeseachday.Joiningbecomesmorechallenging,however,inthecontextoftwoormoreindividualswhoareinconflict.Howdoyoujoinwithalloftheminabalanced,equitablewaywhentheyareatoddswitheachother?
Theanswerisnottoavoidtakingsides.Itistotakesidesalternatelyandselectively.Everythingyousayasamediatorwilloccupyapositionsometimesclosertooneside,sometimesclosertotheother.
Youneedtodevelopaconstantawarenessofhowandtowhatpurposeyou'rejoiningwithone,theother,both,orapositionbeyondeitherofthem.
Youarenotneutral.Unlikejudicialdisputeresolution,
Page40
BalancedJoiningUnlikeajudicialmediator,youarenotneutral.Youdotakesides;onlyyoujoinwithbothsidesalternatelyandselectively.thereisnosuchthingasaneutralfacilitatorofharmonywithingroups.Althoughyouaren'tinterestedinonesidewinningandonelosing,youdohaveopinionsabouttheirrespectivepositions.ItiscleartoyouthatantagonistXis"right"aboutcertainpointsandwrongheaded,orunnecessarilystubborn,aboutothers;whereasYis"right"tobehaveincertainwaysandjustplainsillytobesuchastickaboutsomethings.Ifyoutriedonlytofacilitatetheprocess,withoutadvocatingforthedirectionyoubelievetobeintheirbestinterestasagroup,theywouldn'tgetthefullbenefitofyourexperienceandinsightsowhyshouldtheycontinuetoemployyou?
(Incidentally,likeactivelistening,thisadviceappliesnotjusttoPlanAbutthroughoutyourdealingswithpeoplewhoaren'tdealingwellwitheachother.Joinwiththemalternatelyandselectively.)
Figure2-4showsamediatorcriticizingsomeone'sbodylanguageduringadialogue.HeapproachesantagonistXrespectfullyandgently,makestheobservationasnonjudgmentallyaspossible,thenjoinswithXmomentarily.("Maybeyoudidn'trealizeyouwerecomingacrosslikethis.")Immediately,hejoinssympatheticallywiththeotherantagonist,Y,takingtheriskofalienatingX.JustwhenYisbeginningtofeelvindicatedandself-righteous,however,themediatorturnsthetables.Hesays,ineffect,"IfeltjustasturnedoffasyoudidbyX'sbehaviorbutlookhowIhandledit.Couldn'tyoudosomethingsimilar?"Beforetheyknowwhatdidn'thitthem,thepartiesheartheirmediatorjoiningwiththegoodintentionsofXandchallengingbothofthemtochange.
Thistechniqueisanintuitivebalancingact;itimproveswithpractice.Abeginneristemptedtostayneutral,butyou'llloseyourstatusasatrustedfacilitatorofwin/winresolutionassurelybyfailingto
acknowledgetherightandhealthypartsof
Page41
Figure2-4.Balancedjoining.
theirrespectivepositionsasyouwillifyoumisjudgehowfaronepartywilltrustyoutosupporttheother.
Remembertheyreallywantwin/win.Eachofthemwantsyoutobesympathetictotheothersideaswellastheirown.Theyareuncomfortableabouttheriftbetweenthem;theyneedtoreconcile.Theyarerelievedwhenyoumodelforthemthepossibilityofdoingso,helpingthemreconnectwiththepartsofthemselvesthatwanttorespectandcooperatewitheachother,whichtheirangerhasstifled.
Page42
Youwilltakesidesmoreprovocativelyasyoucementyouralliancewiththemastheytrustyouandrelyonyourhelp.Althoughyou'llgofurtherfromthecenterandhangouttherelonger(sometimesfordaysorweeks,whilepeoplereconsidertheirpositions),alwaysyou'llbedoingsowithagreatdealofthoughtaboutwhataspectoftheirpositionyouareselectivelysupporting.ItwillalwaysbeonlyamatteroftimebeforeyourejoinsideXorreturntothemiddleground,hopingtobringsideYbackwithyou.
Win/WinConflictResolution
Activelisteningdoesnotensurethatyouwillfindcommongoals.Itonlymakesitpossibletodoso.Alloftheforegoingdosanddon'tsareforapurposeinPlanA:tokeepredefiningtheproblem.Ifyoulosesightofthatpurpose,youcouldlistenuntilthecowscomehome;youcouldexchangeviewsthoroughly,yetnevermakeprogress.Thewholegrouphastokeepitseyeonthegoal(ifyouarethefacilitator,yourprincipaltaskistoremindthem)offindingthenewideathatworksbestforall.
Obviously,conflictsdon'talwaysendhappilyforeitherparty.Inthisageofrunawaylitigation,win/losebattlesoftenwinduplose/lose,witheveryonebloodiedexcepttheattorneys.Youfirsthavetoaskyourself,"IsitimportantthatIdefeattheother?"andfurther,iftheanswertothatisyes,"AmIwillingtoriskmuchlossonmyownsidetogainthatresult?"Ifyouarereadingthisbook,youaren'tpreparedtopaythatprice.Youknowthatwhenonesideloses,theothersideusuallyturnsoutalsotohavelostmorethanitwon.Youarelookingforthewin/winoutcome.
Win/windoesn'thavetomeancompromisebothsidesgettinglessthantheyhadhopedfor.Theidealisfortheoutcometobeevenbetterforallthanwhattheymighthavegainedbyawin/loseapproach.
Otherwise,howcanwesaythat"conflictmeansopportunity"?
Digdeeper,therefore,intowhatbothpartiesreallywant.Whenyoudiscoverbothfullsetsofgoals,yourownandtheother's,chancesarethattheywilloverlapmorethanyou
Page43
thought.Redefinetheproblemandtakeanotherlookatit.Isitstillaconflict?Thatis,dothepartiesstillseemtowantonlyincompatibleoutcomes?Ifso,youcanreconsiderthe"warfare"option(seeFigure1-2),oryoucancomebackoncemoretodigdeeperandreframetheproblemandtryagain.Ifitnolongerappearstobeaconflict,thenyouproceedtoattacktheproblemasateam.Youdon'tneedPlansB,C,andsoforth,forthatparticularproblem.
Suppose,however,teamworkcontinuestoeludeyouandthepolaroppositewarfareisstillunappealing.Youhavedugdeeperandyouhaveredefinedtheproblemmorethanonce,andyouorthepeopleyouaretryingtohelphavethedistinctfeelingthatyou'veexhaustedthatapproach."Wehavebeenheretoomanytimesbefore."Thenitisn'tjustamatteroflisteningactivelyandclarifyinggoalsrationally.Thegroupofsquabblingindividuals,orthewholeorganization,mayneedtolearntovaluedifferences.
ThatistheobjectofPlanB.
Page45
3PlanB:Clarify,Sort,andValueDifferencesTheproblemhasn'tgoneaway.InPlanA,wefocusedontheparties'commongoals,setasidetheirthreatsandtheirunrealisticdemands,clarifiedtheirmostimportantobjectivesasspecificallyaspossible,andputthoseinsomekindofrankorder.Thosestepsoftendorevealwin/winsolutions(orfreepeopletodiscoverthem),butlet'sassumePlanAdidn'taccomplishenough.Thedisputantsarestillmilesapart.Yournextapproachfocusesonthedifferencesthatyoutriednottobedistractedbyatfirst.
Figure3-1expandsthesectionoftheCRSflowchart(Figure1-1)thatbearsthelabel"PlanB."AswastrueinPlanA,yourgoalisstilltoreframetheprobleminsuchawaythattheteamcanattackittogetherinsteadofattackingoneanother.ThestrategyofPlanBistogetallthedisputantstolisteverygrievance,offense,dispute,andpresumedincompatibilitytheycanthinkof,asshowninFigure3-1.Takeplentyoftime.(Ofcourse,thelistdoesn'treallyhavetobeanywherenearcomplete;conflictresolutionisaperpetual,ongoingprocess.)
Theparticipantsdon'thavetoagreethatanitembelongsonthelist.Iftheydisagreeaboutwhethersomethingisaproblem,it'sanimportantdifferenceofopinion.Forexample,ifsomepeoplefeelthattheengineersandthemarketersfailtocommunicate,putthatonthelist.
TheprocedureoutlinedinFigure3-1allowsthegrouptoperformakindofemergencyroomtriageamongthevariouslistedcomplaints:toeliminatethemisunderstandings,toincreasemembers'respectanddiplomacytowardoneanother,to
Page46
Figure3-1.PlanB:Clarify,sort,andvaluedifferences.
turndiversityintostrengthsratherthanstrains,andtocallattentiontoindividualproblemsthatcannotbeaddressedasagroupprocess.
Thesesortingscreens(misunderstanding,insensitivity,pointofview,andindividualissues)aren'talwaysmutuallyexclusive.Forexample,anissuemightbepartlyamatterofmisunderstanding,whichgetsclearedup,andpartlyofinsensitivity,whichgetstargetedforchange,andalsocouldinvolvediversityinpointsofview,whichshouldbeturnedintoastrength.Or,apersonwhoconsistentlyoffendsothersmayneedmorethanjusthavinghisinsensitivitypointedoutto
Page47
him.Hishostilecommentsmightbesymptomsofapersonalityoremotionaldisorder,problemsweshallreturntoundertheheading''IndividualIssues."
Let'sfollowthosesamehypotheticalissuesthatcameupinthegoalsortingofPlanA,throughthePlanBtriageprocess.
Misunderstandings
LookattheleftsideofFigure3-1(step2).ItturnsoutthatSusandoesn'thaveintentionsofleavingtheorganizationatall.
Page48
Farfromit!Shelovesherjob;thecircumstantialevidencethatledtotheimpressionshewasunhappyandseriouslylookingelsewherewascompletelymisconstrued."Youshouldn'thaveinferred,youshouldhavejustaskedme,"shesays,intheactivelisteningsessionthatfollowsyourlistmakingandsheisright.Crossthatoneoffthelist.
Youmaywelldoubtthathumanbeingsaresostraightforward.PerhapsSusanislying,eithertothegrouportoherself.Theremustbesomereasonforpeople'simpressionthatshehadonefootoutthedoor.Nonetheless,thebeautyofthisprocedureisthatwedon'thavetoplumbthedepthsofeveryquestion.IfSusanchoosestoplaythishandclosetoherchest,we'llletherdothat.Oneofthreethingswillhappen:(1)Itwillprovetohavebeen,indeed,amisunderstanding,(2)whatevergameSusanwasplaying,shewon'tplayagain,or(3)theissuewillsurfaceagaininsomeform,andnexttimeitwon'tgetscreenedoutatthe"misunderstanding"level.Inshort,thereisn'tmuchriskinlettingarealissueslipby;itwilleitherresolveitselforcomearoundagain.
Insensitivities
Otheritemsarenotsomuchmisunderstandingsasinsensitivities.Twosuchitemsinourillustrationeachhappentobeanimportantissueaswellasamatterofinsensitivity.Malechauvinismisbothanunacceptablepatternofdebasement,dealtwithinstep3ofFigure3-1,andanopportunitytodiscusspointofview(POV)differences,whichthegroupwilldoatlengthinstep4.Similarly,"Anneisparanoid"isnamecallingbyCarl,butwhenreframedmoresensitively,itisanissueyouplantoaddresswithAnneindividually(step5).
Youdon'tneedalessonontreatingpeoplewithrespect,oronthefactthatculturalinsensitivityisbadforbusiness.Iwon'trehashwhathasalreadybeensaidinseveralgoodbooksaboutdiversityintheworkplaceandabouthowstereotypingunderminesproductivity.
workplaceandabouthowstereotypingunderminesproductivity.
1Pertinenttoourdiscussion,though,iswhathappenswhenyoudotrytoputprejudiceaside.What'sthefirstmistakepeoplemakewhentheydeterminetostretchbeyondtheirprejudicesandreachacrossthesex,race,orculture
Page49
gap?Theypatronize,unintentionallyandwithoutevenbeingawarethattheyaredoingit.Then,havingoffendedtheotherperson,theirnaturalnextstepistosay,"Thosepeopleareparanoid."Andtheretheyareagain,milesapart.
Mistake:"I'mreallygladwehaveourfirstfemalepartner,Sandra.It'stakenthisfirmlongerthanmosttobreaktheglassceiling.You'reluckythere'sbeensomuchpressureforit."(Nowwhydidshetakeoffenseatthat?Womenareweird!)
Mistake:"Youdon'tlookJewish."(Nohorns?)
Mistake:"Say,bro',what'shap'nin'?"(Whiteguytoblackguyimplying,Thecolorofyourskintellsmeyoudon'tspeakstandardEnglish.)
Theseexamplesshowhowtheawarenessofanotherperson'sgender,nationality,race,orreligion(orphysicalhandicap,speechdefect,sexualpreference,orattractiveness)doesn'tnecessarilyequatewithgreatersensitivity.(TheMontyPythongroupusedtodoatelevisionsketchwhereamanwithanenormousnosecameintoanofficeandtheofficialkeptsayingthingslike,"Pleasesitdown,Mr.Nose,er,Smith.")
Istheanswer,then,toavoidallreferencestorace,religion,gender,ordisabilities?Notnecessarily.Ineachofthelastthreeexamplesthefirstwomanpartner,aJewishperson,andawhiteguytalkingtoablackguymakingnoreferenceatallwouldhavebeenpreferable.ButifyouworkinanofficeorplantwherehearingHispanicmusicalldaydrivesyoucrazy,youshouldbringitup.Thepointistodoitinavoicethatimplies"we"ratherthan"you"or"them."
Mistake:"I'msickoftheLatinostationyoupeoplelistentoallday."
Better:"Iwonderifwecouldeitherfindastationwealllike,or
developsomesortofrotationsystem,takingturnsas'radiotuneroftheday'?"
Pov
Infilmmaking,POVstandsforthecamera'spointofview.Evenifwewereallobjectivelenses(whichwearenot),ourposition
Page50
andthedirectionwearelookingwouldstillbiaswhatwesee.Whenothersconfirmthatourobservations,analysis,andgoalsareentirelyvalid,thatonlymeanstheyshareourpointofview.Thechallengeofresolvingdisagreementsoftenbeginswithtryingtocomprehendtheproblemfromthepointofviewofotherswhobelongtoadifferentgroup,cometothesituationfromadifferentbackground,orthinkinadifferentway.
AsIhavealreadysuggested,differentPOVsareagoodthing.Differencesthatlookatfirstlikefundamentalconflictscanbeexactlytheopposite,spurstocreativity.
ManykindsofPOVdifferencesoccurwithinorganizations.Allofthefollowingkindshaveincommonthefactthattheypotentiallyenrichthewholeteambutalsotaxthelimitsofmutualunderstanding.
Stylevs.Style
Muchissaidthesedaysaboutcommunicationstyles,thinkingstyles,personality"types"(includingthepopularMyers-Briggsdimensions)oversimplificationsthatofferhopetothosewhostruggletorelievedisharmonyinorganizations.Ifonlytherewereasystemformatchingtherighttypes,wecouldputpeoplewhopossesscertaincharacteristicstogetherwithpeoplewhoarebestatappreciatingthosecharacteristics,andwhointurnhappentobringtheteamjustthosequalitiesthattheotherscandiscernandcapitalizeupon.
Usually,thatdoesn'thappen.Thosewhosestylesaremostdifferentoftenseekeachotherout.Invariably,whentwopeopledecidetogointobusinesstogether(orwhensomeonehiresakeyassociate),it'sbecausetheypossessdifferenttalentsandskills,complementingoneanother's.Soonerorlater,theirdifferencesincommunicationstyles,attitudes,responsestocrisis,businessphilosophies,andlong-termgoalsareboundtofrustratethem.Ifthepartnershipistosurvive,they
havetostopbeingsurprisedanddisappointedaboutthosedifferences.Theymustrediscoverthevalueinthem.Abusinesspartnershiprequiresasmuchworkasanyothermarriage.
Ifyouareahumanresourcesprofessionaloranorganizationalconsultant,youmayalreadybeusingpersonalitytyping
Page51
Oppositesattractandthencan'tstandeachother.or"styles"inyourworkwithteams.Thefollowingisaneffectivewaytostimulatediscussionofanytwosuchpersonalityorcommunicationstyledimensions.Showyourgroupthetwo-axischartshowninFigure3-2.Explainthattheseareonlytwoofthemanydimensionsalongwhichpeoplediffer,buttheysometimesleadtointerestinginsightsaboutdifficultiesinunderstandingotherpeople'spointsofview.
Thetwo-dimensionalspaceplottedonthischartdisplaysonlyonepossiblepairofdimensionsyoumightuse,dependinguponthekindsofPOVdifferencesthatarerelevantinyourorganization.Ifindthesetwodimensionstobemostappropriatewithcross-functionalteams,wherecommunicationandthinkingstylesareoftendiverse.Placingseveraldifferentoccupational
Figure3-2.Communicationstylesexercise:displaychart.
Page52
"types"onthechart(withoutmakinganyscientificclaims)helpsthegroupunderstandwhatthetwodimensionsreferto.InFigure3-2,theFeeler(warm,empathic,emotional)versustheThinker(cold,rational)horizontaldimensionisimmediatelyclear.Theverticaldimensionneedsalittleexplanation.PeoplewhomwecallSensors(asopposedtoImaginers)tendtodecideandactquickly,basedonimmediatereactionstopeopleandevents.Theyarealsomoredomineeringandlessconcernedaboutothers'feelingsthantheImaginers,whoarethevisionaries,speculators,andlong-rangeplanners,moreidealisticandlessconcernedwithpracticaldetails.Youmightexplaintothegroup,"Ifyourhousewereonfire,youwouldn'tcallascientistoranartisttoputitout."Youmightalsosaythatthebestleaderscanbefoundinanyquadrant,butprobablyclosertothecenterthantoanyoftheextremetypes.(Thiswillintroducealittlebiasintotheirsubsequentjudgments,butit'snotanobjectiveassessmentanyway.)
Thenputupablankchartandaskthewholegroupinwhichquadrantstheythinkeachindividualmemberbelongs(Figure3-3).Sinceweallhavearangeofstylesunderdifferentcircumstances,someindividualsmayspanfromonesectortoanother.
Youmightaskaboutotherswhoaren'tpresent,too,suchastheCEOofaparentcompany,thevicepresidenttheyallreportto,orthecurrentboss'spredecessor.
Sinceallfourquadrantsdescribenormal,healthy,valuabletypesofpeople,Ihaven'tencounteredmuchembarrassmentaboutdoingtheexercisethisway.Infact,youwillgetfairlyquickconsensusamongallraters,withthepossibleexceptionofthepersonbeingrated.
ThegroupimmediatelyagreesthatBurtiswayoutontheFeelerend,andmoreSensorthanImaginer."No,I'mnotthatweird,"Burtprotests."I'mmoreinthemiddle."
"Noneofusisjustonetype,"theleaderreassureshim."Intruth,you
probablyhaveaThinkermodethat'sdominantatcertaintimes,butthegroupistellingyoutheyseeyourFeelermodemorethantheyseeitinothermembersofthisgroup.Thedifference
Page53
Figure3-3.Communicationstylesexercise:finishedchart.
betweenhowyouseeyourselfandhowtheyseeyouisinteresting,isn'tit?Butlet'sgoonwiththeexercise."
Youdon'twanttofocusonanyoneindividual'sstyle,becausethisexerciseisnotaboutchange.Otherchapterswilldealwithchange;thisisaboutacceptingandbenefitingfromthedifferentstylesthatexist.
Afterplacingallthenamesroughlywheretheyfitonthosetwodimensions,askthegroupwhetherthisdisplayreflectshowwellpeopleworktogether.Youwillfind,onthewhole,agreatdealofcorrespondence.IfBeckyisinthelowerleftquadrant,thereyou'llseemostoftheindividualswithwhomshehastheeasiesttimecommunicating.Intheupperrightquadrantwillbemostoftheindividualswithwhomshefeelslittleconnection.Butthereareexceptions,andyouwillgettothose
Page54
inaminute.Firstletpeoplecommentontheextenttowhichthecharthassuccessfullypinpointedthecoalitionsthatexist.
Thefinalstepistoexploretheexceptions,whichwillbeoftwokinds.Ifapairofindividualswhomyouhaveplottedasverydifferentinstylesaregoodfriendsorworkwelltogether,thenaskthequestion,"Whataretheydoingright?"Fortheyserveasanexampleofbuildingstrengthfromdiversity.Theyhavefoundawayofgivingtotheirrelationshipthebestthateachhastooffer,withoutsufferingfromtheirdifferencesinpointsofview.DiscussionwillrevealthatwhattheydoisacknowledgetheirdifferentPOVs,takedelightratherthanaggravationfromthem,anddeliberatelycapitalizeonthembylearningfromoneanother.
Theoppositekindofexceptionisthepairofindividualsinproximityonthechart,whocan'tstandeachother.Hasthatalwaysbeentrue,ordoesitdatefromsomeeventthatwaspoorlyhandledintheorganization?Aretheyrivals?(SeethesectionTrianglinglateroninthischapter.)Oraretheyverydissimilaronsomethirddimensionnotshowninthisdisplay?
Mostbusinessenterprisesrequirefundamentallydifferentkindsofpeople,notjustatthetopbutallthewaydown.Ifyouhaveengineerstodesignandmanufactureproductsaswellasnonengineerswhoaregoodatmarketingandselling,soonerorlateryouaregoingtohearthosegroupsdisparagingoneanother.Ifyouemploycreativewritersandartiststodesignadvertisingcampaigns,alongwithaccountexecutivestoworkwiththecorporateclients,soonerratherthanlateryouaregoingtohearthe"freespirits"andthe"suits"expressingfrustrationwithoneanother.Airlinepilotsversusthenonpilotsinmanagement;physiciansversushospitaladministratorsfrequentlyitisthepeoplewiththetechnicalexpertiseversusthosewhoknowhowtoorganizeabusiness,bringproductstomarket,ormaintaincashflow.
Inallsuchcases,whattheysayabouteachotheristhesamethingmenandwomensayabouttheoppositesex:"Theyjustdon'tgetit."
ThecommunicationstylesexercisemerelyservesasalaunchingpointfordiscussionofhowtomakethosePOVdifferencesateamasset.We'llcontinuethatdiscussionasweconsidersomeotherkindsofPOVdifferencesaswell.
Page55
Malevs.Female
Wherecommunicationsareconcerned,thetermpointofviewdoesn'tbegintodojusticetothedifferencesbetweenmenandwomen.InmanywaysthegenderPOVdifferencesbutacrosscultures,languages,andagegroups.Yetthemale/femalepartnershipworksintheclosestandmostsuccessfulkindofhumanorganization,thefamily;andeveninbusinessorganizations,wecanpointtomoreexamplesofsuccessfulcollaborationbetweenmenandwomenthanunsuccessful.Whatbetterproofofthepropositionthatfundamentaldifferencescanbestrengths?
Issuesofsexistbiasandofsexualharassmentbetweenmenandwomenfallundertheheadingsofinsensitivitiesandindividualissues.(Apatternofsexistbehaviorisn'ta"pointofview,"it'sasymptomofneurosisorapersonalitydisorder.)Inthissection,though,wearetalkingaboutdifferencesinhowmenandwomentendtoviewsituations.Furthermore,we'reinterestedindifferencesbothrealandimagined.Whatmenbelievetobetrueaboutwomen,andwhatwomenbelievetobetrueofmen,isjustasbigafactorinunderminingteamworkasanythingthatmightbetrueinsomemoreobjectivesense.
Individualdifferencesamongpeopleofthesamesexaregreaterthananydifferencebetweenthemasculinepersuasionandthefeminine.Furthermore,itisn'tatallclearthatthesexdifferenceswegeneralizeaboutarethemostimportantonesorthattheywon'tchangeovertimeorinanothersociety.Whatmattersforpurposesofthisbookiswhatyoudoaboutsuchdifferencesiftheyarefelttoexistinyourorganization.Forexample,ifbothwomenandmentendtobelievemenarelessunderstandingaboutrelationshipsthanwomenare,aconsequenceofthatbeliefcouldbethattheymightovervalueawoman'sassessmentofaparticularinterpersonalsituation;orifshe
disagreeswithsomeone'sproposedcourseofaction,herjudgmentmightbediscountedastoosensitive.
Thereisprobablysometruthtothatgeneralizationaboutwomen'ssensitivitytothefabricofrelationships,andaboutmen'spreferringtobelievethatconnectionsaresimplerandmoreordered.Thereistruth,also,inthepropositionthatmen
Page56
arelesswillingorabletotoleratesituationsthatleavethemexposedandvulnerabletoattack,tocriticism,tohumiliation,torejection.
Ontheotherhand,noresearchsupportsthecommongeneralizationthatmenareoutoftouchwiththeirownfeelingsandinsensitivetohowothersfeel.Althoughsignificantnumbersofmenmayfeeluncomfortablewhenvulnerabletoemotionslikehurt,fear,despair,andrage,thetruthisthatmenarejustasperceptiveabouttheunspokenfeelingsexpressedbetweenthelinesbyothermenaswomenareaboutotherwomen'sfeelings.Theproblemisthatbothsexesseemtoneedmoreexplicitstatementsofwhatisonthemindandintheheartofapersonoftheoppositesex,whereastheyarebetteratintuitingthefeelingsofamemberoftheirownsex.Thusbothsexesfindthemselvesfrequentlymystifiedandmisunderstoodbytheoppositesex.
Whenmale/femaledifferencesmanifestthemselvesinworkrelationships,whatcanyoudoaboutthem?AswithotherPOVdifferences,refertothesequestions:
[] Whatdowereallyfearlosingifwecollaborate?
[] Howcanwecollaboratewithoutlosingthosevaluabledifferences?[] Whatdowestandtogainbyworkingtogether?[] Whoisourcommoncompetitor?[] Whatdoweeachneedtodoinordertogetthebenefitsofteamwork?
Culturevs.Culture
Alargeinternationaladvertisingagencypurchasedasmallbuthighlysuccessfulandwell-reputedagencyintheNorthwest.Thelatter'seightyemployeeshadprintedslogansintheirofficeslikeALLWORKANDNO
SKIINGMAKESJACKADULLBOYandCREATIVITYIS10PERCENTINSPIRATIONAND90PERCENTPERSPIRATIONSOLET'SGOBACKPACKING.Thiswasnotthewaythechairmanin
NewYorkviewedthebusiness.Helovedtoquotethepolicythatwaswidelyattributedtoamajorcompetitor,Jay
Page57
Chiat:''Ifyouaren'tcominginonSaturday,don'tbothertoshowupforworkonSunday."Hisideaofsensitivitytoemployees'personalandfamilyneedswastopaythemhandsomelyandprovidegeneroushealthbenefits;butwoebetidethewriterorexecutivewholeftameetingatsevenintheeveningforhischild'sbasketballgame.
Notthatthechairmanwouldknowwhenthathappenedfourlevelsdownintheorganization.Thatisthegreatthingaboutorganizationalculture:Theleadersconveytheirexpectationsinavarietyofways(somelesssubtlethanothers),andmemberscreatenormsofbehaviortoconformwiththoseexpectations.
WasthisparticularcultureclashthekindofPOVdifferencethatcouldbeturnedintoastrength?Probablynot.ItsoundslikeanincompatibilitythatwillrequirePlanC.If,ontheotherhand,theacquiredagencywereSpanish-speakingandlocatedinMexicoCity,itwouldn'tbeamatterofwhichcultureshouldprevailbutofhowtosharethebenefitsofboth,foreachclientandproject.
"StrengthFromDiversity"Questions1.Whatareweindangeroflosingifwecollaborate?2.Howcanweavoidthatloss?3.Whatdowestandtogain?4.Whoisourcommoncompetitor?5.Whatpartsdoweeachneedtoplay,inordertowinasateam?
Thefive"strengthfromdiversity"questionswillhelpyoudealwithcultureclashaswithpersonalitystyles,eventhoughthedifferencesinculturehavelittleornothingtodowithpersonality.Theyhavetodowiththehistoriesofthetwoorganizations,butyouaren'tgoingtorewritehistoryandyoudon'tneedtowrestlewithitseffects.Whatyouwanttodoisputthatdiversitytowork.Whenthemergerworks,theresultingblendshouldbegreaterthanthesumoftheingredients.
That,afterall,iswhyonecompanyacquiresormergeswithanotherinthefirstplace.
2
Page58
TooOldvs.TooYoung
Inanyorganization,somemembershavedwelledonearthlongerthanothers.POVdifferencesarisewiththeneedtobalancetheprudenceandexperienceofelderswiththeenergy,iconoclasm,andquestioningofyouth.
Inaten-year-oldcompanyorayoungdepartment,the"risingstars"maybeunderage30;inabusinesswhosefounderisinhisseventies,it'sthefifty-year-oldswhoarechampingatthebit.Ineithercase,though,resolvingtheproblemisamatterofgettingthebestfrombothgenerations.Whentheyaskthemselvesthe"strengthfromdiversity"questions,theywillfindthattheirfearsarespecifictotheirstagesoflife."AmI(thoughttobe)overthehill?''theCEOaskshimself."ThenifIgivethisyoungmanmoreauthority,willhetrytoshovemeoutaltogether?Willhebankruptthecompany,wipingoutthevalueofmystock?Ihadbetterresistthat!"
Thewould-besuccessorwonders,"WillIhavetowaitdecadestoberecognizedasaleader?IfeverymoveImakeisseenasathreat,howcanIeverprovemyowncompetence?Ontheotherhand,ifhethinksI'mweak,he'llneverrespectme.Ihadbetterfightwithhim!"
ThisisaclassiccaseofwhatIcallcounter-leaning,afrequentresultofPOVdifferences.We'lldiscussitshortly.
Beaware,also,thatsomepeoplecarryfamilybaggageirrationallyintononfamilyrelations,sometimeswithsurprisinghostilityandcontempt.Rageordisappointmentwiththeirownparentsorchildrendistortstheircommunicationwithothersofthatgeneration.(SeeTheSevenDeadlyIsmsinthesectionIndividualIssues.)
Language,Race,andReligion
Between-groupdistrustorhostilityshapesbetween-person
interactionsintheworkplacemorethananywhereelseifweletit.Itisalsotruethatunhappyinteractionswithindividualpersonscanleadtonegativeattitudesaboutgroups,whichthenperpetuatethemselves.Theresultingtensiondrainsproductivity
Page59
untilpeoplehavethecouragetotranscendthosebarriers.
Wehavealreadydiscussed,underInsensitivities,examplesofhowharditistoresisttheeasyrecoursetoprejudiceintheworkplace.Butsupposeyoudon'thavethatproblem.Yourorganizationincludespeopleofdifferentbackgroundswhodo,byandlarge,respecteachother.However,thatdoesnotmeantheyunderstandeachother'spointsofvieworderiveanybenefitsfromtheirdiversity.Theymaytendtoavoidantagonismbydenyingtheirdifferences.Thisisactuallydangerous,becauseitstopsyoufromanticipatingconflictsbeforetheygetoutofhand.Andyoulosetheopportunitytocapitalizeonthedifferentpointsofvieworexperiences.Thereforeitisworthopeningupthesequestionseveniftheyaren'tonanyone'slistofinterpersonalproblemsorissues.
Inoticenoonehasputanythingonthelistthathastodowithourdifferentethnicbackgrounds.Yetit'scleartoallofusthatwe'vegotawholerainbowhere.Doweevergetintoanysituationswherewelookatproblemsdifferentlybecausewe'recomingfromdifferentbackgrounds?Isthataliabilityoranassettothegroup?
Insummary,whetherdifferencesinPOVareduetobackground,personalstyles,gender,organizationalcultures,orinternalcompetitionforresources,yourfirststepistolearnhowthingslookfromtheothergroup'sorperson'sPOV.(Ifyouareamediator,yourfirststepistofacilitatethatlearning.)Activelisteningnotonlyachievesacertainamountofunderstandingbutalsodisplayseachparty'sunderstandingtotheothers.Thenthedifferentfactionsdecidewhethertheyhavemoretogainbyteamworkthantolosebycollaboratingwith"thoseguys."
StrengthinDiversity
Nowlet'slookatthreetechniques,beyondactivelistening,forfinding
strengthindiversity.Thetwomostimportanttechniquesforturningwhatappeartobeincompatibledifferences
Page60
intopositivesarethereframe,whichIintroducedinChapter2,andwhatIcalltheun-leaningoperation.Reframinghasmanyvariations,ofwhichIshalldiscusstwo:thepositivereframeandtriangling.
PositiveReframe
Comparethesenegativeandpositivewaysofreferringtoessentiallythesamefacts:
Mistake:"GaryissouptightabouttakingrisksthatheshootsmedownbeforeI'veevenfleshedoutmyideas."
Better:"GaryhelpskeepmyfeetonthegroundwhenIgetcarriedawaywithsomeofmybigideas."
Mistake:"Sarahhasherblue-skyvisionofthewayshewantstobelievethingsare,butyoucan'trelyonhertofocusonthedetails."
Better:"Sarahistheonewerelyonforthebigpicture;Itendtogetlostsometimesinthedetails."
Mistake:"Charlieisamentalplodder.Ifhecan'tseeitonaspreadsheet,hedoesn'tgetit."
Better:"Charlieisgreatatthinkingthingsthroughanalytically."
Mistake:"Michellethinkseverything'sajoke."
Better:"We'dbelostwithoutMichelle'ssenseofhumor."
Mistake:"Bill'sgettingoninyears,andhedoesn'trealizetheworldhaschanged."
Better:"Bill'sseenalotoffadscomeandgointhisindustry,andhebringsthemorelong-termperspectivetoourmeetings."
Eachoftheseexamplesisapositivereframe.Reframingisthekindofmedicinespindoctorspracticeinpoliticalcampaigns.It'sabasic
therapeutictechnique,abasicsalestechnique,andalsoanaturalwaymostpeoplehaveoftalkingtootherswhentheywanttobenice.Youdon'thavetobeapsychologisttoseethatit'sagoodtechniquetousewhenpeoplearearguingwitheachother.You'vealreadyusedit,inactivelistening,intheAppreciatestepof"clearingtheA-I-R"(Figure
Page61
2-3).Butit'salsoindispensableforgettingpeopletoseethattheirdifferencesarepossiblestrengthsinsteadofincompatibilities.
Theeasiestplacetousereframesiswhenyou'refacilitatingdebatebetweentwoormorepeople.Youhearthembeingcritical,defensive,orpessimistic,andyou'recreativeenoughtosuggestamoreoptimisticinterpretationoftheirdifference.It'salittleharderwhenyouareatargetofsomeone'sdiatribes.Itmaybehardestofalltodevelopthehabitofreframingyourownmentalattitude,notjustthediplomaticwordsbuttheactualthoughts.Buttheskillofpositivereframingdoesbecomenaturalwithpractice.
Triangling
Adisproportionatenumberofconflictsariseinsituationswheretherearethreeprincipals.AandBagreethatCistherealsourceoftheirproblems.ThenAandCreconcile,agreeingwithoneanotherthattherealtroublemakerisB,untilBmakesherpeacewithC.ButthenAisthealien.Aseachcornerofatriangleisdirectlyoppositethesidethatjoinstheothertwocorners,eachmemberofatriangleprovidesapotentialopponenttotherelationshipbetweentheothertwo.
Siblingrivalryisanexampleofthiskindofconflict.Butjealousyandcompetitionforattention,resources,orapprovalarecertainlynotrestrictedtobrothersandsisters."Siblingrivalry"goesoninallorganizations,whenpeoplewhoaren'tactuallyrelatedtooneanothertakeontherolesofjealousorcompetitivesiblingswithintheorganizational"family."(It'sevenmoreintenseiftheyarerelated.)
Althoughgroupmembersmaketheirlivesmoredifficultwhentheytriangleeachother,achangeagentcanactuallyexploitthispowerfulhumantendencytoshiftpeoplequicklyfromopponentstoalliesbyremindingthemoftheircommonproblemswithathirdparty.
Forexample,inmediating"sibling"disputes,onecanusuallybring
thepartiestogetheralmostimmediatelybytrianglingtheparentorbossastheircommonproblem.Thathastobedonecarefully,though,tobeeffective.
Page62
InworkingwithEdandSusan,asquabblingfoundationdirectorandassociatedirector,theconsultantsuggestedthatpartoftheproblemmightbethewaytheboardanditspresidentcommunicatedwithbothofthem.Atfirst,EdandSusantookcharacteristicallyoppositepositionsonthatquestion.However,whentheconsultantaskedwhethertheboardmembershadaclearperceptionofwhichexecutivetheyshouldcallwithwhatconcerns,bothexecutivessaidnoandblamedthepresidentforthat."ClarityandspecificityarenotJoe'sstrongpoint,"Edsaid,andSusansaidthatwasanunderstatement.Thenshemadereferencetosomeeventtheybothrememberedwithlaughter,andthechangeintonewasastonishing.Hadsomeonemadeafilmclipofthenextfewminutesofthesession,noviewerwouldhaveguessedthatthesewerethesametwopeoplewhowereconvincedtheycouldneverworktogether.
Theconsultantpointedoutthatherewassomethingtheyagreedon.HowcouldtheygetJoetoclarifytheirrolestotheboard?Theybothsaidtheydidn'tthinktherewasanychanceofJoechanging."I'velearned,"theconsultantadvised,"nevertosaynoforsomeoneelse.Butifyourpredictionturnsouttobeaccurate,whatcanyoudo(insteadofcontinuingtoblameeachotherfortheproblem)tomakesureyoumaintaintheclarityandspecificityonyourend?"
Onemustadministerjusttherightdoesofthismedicine,becauseanoverdosecancauseharmfulsideeffects,possiblyfataltotheteam.Getthemonthesameside,butdon'tleavethemagreeingtohatethecommonenemy.Thatwouldonlyresultintheirslippingbacktofightwitheachotheragain,promptedbysharedfearsofwheretheirangerattheauthorityfiguremightlead(seeChapter5).Instead,oncecommongroundhasbeenestablished,movethediscussionontothequestion,"WhatdoweneedtodoinordertoimprovethingswithX[the"parent"orboss]?"Thatwillleadtolatersteps(PlansCandD),whichmightdirectlyinvolvethethirdpartyandothers.
Whetheryouareaprotagonistoramediator,thekeyistoshiftrelativelysoontowhatpeoplecandotogether,constructively,tosolve
theproblemtheybothhavewithanotherperson.Evenifthere
Page63
isnowaythatpersonisgoingtochange(forexample,sheistheirmotherandshehasbeendoingthistothemforfortyyears),thatstilldoesn'tmeantheyhavetoallowherbehaviortosplitthem.
Simplyagreeingthatthe"parent"istheproblemisn'ttellingthemanythingtheydon'tknow.Youhavetogobeyondthattotheinsightthattheirperceiveddifferencesarelargelyadefenseorawayofcopingwiththatsituationandthattheycandealwithitmoreeffectively.Youcanalsousethe"commonenemy"techniquewhenyouyourselfareoneoftheprotagonistsinadispute:
Mistake:"Whatareyougoingoffonmefor?It'sPaulawhotellsyouonethingandtellsmeanother.Yellather!"
Better:"CouldyouandIpreventthisfromhappeninginthefutureifwegiveeachotherthebenefitofthedoubtandcheckitoutwitheachothereverytimewegetsomeweirdmessagefromPaula?"
Uu-Leaning
Un-leaningismynameforanantidotetocounter-leaning,whichdoesnotmeanleaningoncounters.Counter-leaningreferstothefactthathumanbeingshaveatendencytoovercompensateforoneanotherbyleaningtoofarinoppositedirections.
Themostfamiliarexampleofthephenomenonofcounter-leaningisbetweenparents.Jackistooauthoritarianwiththechildren;Jilltriestocompensatebybeingmorelenientthanshewouldotherwisebe;Jackreactsbybeingevenmorerigidandpunitive;sheleansevenmoretowardsoftnessandinconsistency.Thechildrengonuts.Exactlythesamethingcanhappenbetweenbusinesspartners.Hankbelievestheyhavetogivetheiremployeeseverytooltheyneedtobeproductive;hispartner,Russ,believesiftheywanttobeprofitablethey'dbetternotupgradetheircomputersuntilabsolutelynecessary;
Hank
Page64
interpretsthattomeanRussisgoingtostandinthewayofeverypurchase,sohe'dbetternotconsultRuss;Russfiguresthatmeanshe'dbetterresisteverypurchaseHankwantstomake,inhopesofblockingatleast25percentofthem;soHankjacksuphisproposedoutlaysby40percent.Thewholecompanygoesnuts.
Inotherwords,validdifferencesofopinioncanamplifythemselvestoridiculousextremes.Theinitialperceptionsaren'tnecessarilydistortions,butaseachpartytriestocompensatefortheother,theyreacttoexaggeratedfearsofhowdangerouslytheothermightact.Withamazingrapidity,thosefearsbecomeself-fulfillingprophecies.Theimagethatcomestomindisofatinyboatbeingtippedonewayandtheotherbytwopeoplewhoaretryingtobalanceoneanother'soff-centerweight.Aseachperceivestheotherovercompensating,theamplitudeoftheboat'swobblingonlyincreases.Soontheyarenolongerinthesameboattheyareswimming.
Ifyouareleaningovertostarboardtobalancetheboatagainsttheotherguy'spropensitytoleantoofartoport,bothofyouareabouttogetwet.Thisphenomenon,counter-leaning,producesmisunder-standings,exaggeratesPOVdifferences,andfrequentlycreatestheappearanceofintractableindividualissues.Thecureisun-leaning.Yourjobistogetthepartiestotakethesmallriskofrefrainingfromleaningquitesofartocounterbalanceoneanother.Thisprocesshastobeconscious,watchingforoccasionswheneitherpartyanticipatestheother'sexcessiveness.Iftheyaresailingasmallboattogether,oneofthemagreestositwhereheis,leavingittotheothertobalancetheboat.
HankandRussrealizethatthey'vebeenovercompensatingfortheirworstfearsaboutoneanother'sirrationality.[Iam"Ken,"asthishappenstobeanactualmeetingwithapairofmyclients.]
Hank:Ifyoudismissmydemandsbecauseyouthinkthey'reaploy,you'll
makesomebadmistakes.Intheinterestofcurtailing
Page65
thatchainreaction,howaboutifIpledgemyselftoonlycallfornewequipmentwhenI'msincerelyconvincedit'snecessary?Youcancontinuetoquestionmeorwhomever,untilyouseethatI'mnotpaddingthelistofnecessitiesanylonger(asIadmitIdidinthepast).
Russ:Ishouldstopassumingthatanythingyoudoisaploy.Butdon'texpectmetochangeovernight,please.Ineedtogetthereslowly.SoifIcallyoubackandaskyoutowalkmethroughyourreasoning,orifIasksomequestionsoftheemployeeconcerned,youneedtogivemethebenefitofthedoubtandassumeI'mnotdoingitjusttoresistyou.
Ken:Actually,hedoesn'thavetoassumeanything.Hecanjustaskyou.
Hank:IcantellyourightnowthatifIsaywe'vegottohaveitacomputer,forexamplethatmeansI'vealreadytakenthetimetoquestiontheemployeeandmadeaveryconservativedecision.
Russ:Okay,butshouldn'tIperformmyfunctionofconservativelyquestioningallpurchases?
Hank:Justdon'tgooverboard.
Ken:YoucouldbothspelloutwhatstepsRusswilltakewhenfollowingthroughonapurchasedecisionbyHank.Andeverytimesuchanoccasionarises,youcouldspelloutpreciselybywhenRusswilleitherhavefoundamoreeconomicalwayofachievingthesamebenefitsmorecheaplyorwillhavemadethepurchase.
Russ:Actually,Idon'tthinkwewouldhaveanydisagreementsifHankwouldjustgivemethebenefitofthethinkingprocesshe'salreadygonethrough,insteadofleavingmeaone-sentencemessage.
Hank:Done.Let'sshakeonit.
WhatHankandRusshavedonehere,withslightnudgesfromtheirconsultant,istoagreenottoleanreflexivelyinoppositedirections.TakingRussoutoftheloopaltogetherwouldhavebeenaterriblesolutionbecausehis"wastenot,wantnot"philosophyisvitaltothecompany'ssurvival.Thetwomenwillcontinuetobenefitfromtheir
differentpersonalitystyleswhiletheyhavereclaimedcontrolovertheirsynergy.(Note:Allthey
Page66
haveachievedhereisanoralagreement,ofwhichtheycanremindoneanotherastheystruggletochangetheiractualbehavior.)
Again,whetheryou'reoneofthecounter-leanersorathirdpartywhoistryingtogetthemtostartun-leaning,youwillfindoccasionstomakeskilleduseofthepositivereframe.Russdidsoinhislastcomment,reframingHank'ssolodecision-makingstyleas"thebenefitofthethinkingprocesshe'salreadygonethrough."
IndividualIssues
Wenowarriveatstep5ofFigure3-1.Thelastgroupofdifferenceswecanremovefromthetablearethosethatstemfromindividuals'psychologicalstatus.Someofthosemaybementalhealthproblems,whichsometimeswarrantreferringtheindividualtoanappropriateprofessionalorseekinghelpyourself,ifyouarethatindividual.Othersarenormal,unavoidableissuesthathappentoaffectonememberoftheorganizationmorethanothers.Thegroupisn'tnecessarilythebestcontextinwhichtoaddresstheseissues;yettheyneedtobetalkedaboutatleastenoughsotheydon'tcontinuetobesourcesoffruitlessinterpersonalconflict.
TypesofIndividualIssues
Severaldistinctkindsofindividualproblemscancreateorinflameinterpersonalconflictsinorganizations.Letmedescribesomeofthemandthendiscussthedelicateartofdistinguishingindividualissuesfromthosedifferencesthatmustbeworkedonasagroup.
Certainfundamentalmentalhealthproblemsmakepeopleirritable,defensive,and/orargumentative.Someonewhoseems"difficult"mayactuallybesufferingfromamooddisorder(anxiety,depression,ormanic-depressiveillness)oranaddictivedisorder(alcoholism,drugabuse,compulsivegambling,etc.).Ifyoususpectthatanyofthose
maybeafactorinan
Page67
individual'sconflictivebehavior,getaprofessionalevaluation;teamproblemsolvingwouldprobablynotbeeffective.
Entitlementisamorelifelongindividualissuethatleadstointerpersonalconflict.Thewordmeansappearingtobelievethatonehaseitheralreadyearned,orshouldn'thavetoearn,somelimitedresourcesuchasmoney,authority,status,orlove.Paradoxically,thosewhoprotesttheloudestthattheyaren'tgettingwhattheyareentitledtoareofteninsecureaboutwhattheydeserve.
Alec,adistrictmanager,ispassedoverforpromotiontotheregionalmanager'sjob.Stung,herefusestotakethedisappointmentgracefully.Hefaxesanangrymemotohisboss'ssuperiorandspoutsconspiracytheoriestoeveryonewhowilllisten.
Zekeisinexactlythesameposition,andhealsorefusestotakethedisappointmentlyingdown,buthisresponseissimplytowriteadignifiedletterofresignation,withoutburninganybridges.
Whichmanhastheentitlementissue?Alec.Whichmanreallybelieveshedeservedthepromotion?Zeke,ofcourse.Learningthattheorganizationwon'toffertheadvancementheseeks,Zekelookselsewhere,withouttoomuchdamagetohisinnerconfidence.Alecdesperatelyneededthepromotiontocompensateforhislackinginnersenseofworthandcapability.Nowheevenmoredesperatelyneedstoasserthisentitlement.Sadtosay,thatsamefalsesenseofentitlementmayhavecosthimthepromotioninthefirstplace,asitledhimtotakehisjobforgrantedandrejectresponsibility.Beneathafalsesenseofentitlementandexcessiveconcernsaboutguardingone'sprerogativesusuallylurksagraveinsecurityaboutself-worth.
Whenonepartyinadisputeuseswordslikedeserveandfairtomakehiscasewhilenooneelseinvolvedseesanyunfairness,theremaybeanindividualissueofentitlement.Inafamilybusinesssituation,whereamemberactsasthoughtheprivilegesofownershipshould
cometohimashisbirthright,withouthavingtobeearned"thehardway,"thatentitlementproblemmostlikelyoriginatedamongtheveryfamilymembersheisinconflictwith.Theirfamilybusinessneedsfamilytherapy.Butthatisn'tAlec'ssituation.Hisentitlementissue
Page68
goesbacktohisownfamilyoforigin.Hiscurrentemployerhasneithertheresponsibilitynortheabilitytosolvethoseproblemstoday.
Paranoiaislikeatumorthattakesrootinthemindand,growing,poisonstheindividual'swholepsychology.Paranoidpersonalitydisorderisonlyoneofanumberofcharacterdisorders,butImakespecialmentionofitbecauseconflictwithothersisaninevitablebyproductand,unfortunately,aperpetuatorofparanoia.Acuteparanoidbehaviorandotherformsofpsychosiscanbetemporary(andcurable)symptomsofmanyneurophysiologicalconditions.Buttheparanoidpersonalityischronic,andthereisn't,asyet,anyreliablecure.Theproblemisthatparanoidsregardastheirworstenemiesanyonewhotellsthemthey'resufferingfromparanoiaandneedhelp.
Someday,ageniuswilldiscoveratherapythatworksonpeoplewhorefusetobelievetheyhaveanythingwrongwiththem(including,alongwiththecharacterdisorders,allthosesufferingfromdenialofalcoholismandotheraddictions).Inthemeantime,allyoucandoishelpeveryoneelseintheorganizationtostopmaintainingandexacerbatingtheproblem.Themessagetothemmustbe,''Harryisn'tgoingtochangehistune.Canyouignoreitandmakechangesyourselvessothatheisn'tabletomakelifehellforyou?Ifnot,youneedtogivehimanultimatumandyouneedtobepreparedtofollowthroughwithitandterminatehismembershipinthegroup."
Envyisalesssevereproblemthanparanoia,becausemanycasesofenvyandrivalryareveryresponsivetoinsight.Liketheothersixdeadlysinsgluttony,lust,avarice,andsoonenvyisanaturaltoxin,presentinallofus.Ifitseemstobeaparticularlybigproblemforsomeoneinthegroupyouareworkingwith,bringitupexplicitly.Atbest,doingsomayleadtoanindividual'sawarenessthatothersseehisorherenvy,promptinganinterestinpsychotherapytogetoversuchfeelings.Atworst,thediscussionwon'thurt,anditmaymovethe
issueoffyourlistofrealconflicts.
Fearofchangeisalsoaproblemweallsharetosomeextent.Everyoneadvocateschangeineveryoneelse.Someofusliketothinkofourselvesasflexiblefolkswhoaregoodatchanging,butwe'reprobablykiddingourselves.Itisvery,veryhardto
Page69
changeeventhethingswedislikeaboutourselvesandareembarrassedabout,letalonethethingsthatdon'tcauseusanydistress.Notonlyisithard,itisterrifying,becauseoneneverknowswhatthosechangesmightleaveusvulnerableto.Afterall,theverypeoplewearedefendingourselvesagainstareaskingustoputasideourdefenses.
Nonetheless,manyindividualsarecapableofacknowledgingtheirfearofchange,discussingit,andaddressingitfairlyrationally.Ifyouhavegonesofarastoidentifyfearofchangeasanissue,youmayhavejusttakenthebiggestandhardeststeptowardresolvingit.Thepersonorpersonswhoarewillingtoacknowledgetheirfearofchangehavenothingtolosebutthefearitself,andmuchtogainfromthegreatersupportofothergroupmembers.
"Thetruthis,"Bill,abusinessowner,admittedtohisdesignatedsuccessorsatastrategicplanningretreat,"IjusthatelikehelltogiveupthewayI'vebeendoingthingsalltheseyears.It'slikeasecurityblanket.Whenyoutalktomeaboutastateoftheartplantfromthegroundup,financedagainstfutureearnings,IjustseetheAwesomeUnknown."
"Well,maybethat'sagoodenoughreasonnottodoit,"oneofthenext-generationmanagerssaid."IfBillisn'tcomfortablewithit,"
"No,it'snotagoodenoughreason,"Billsaid."It'sareasonformetoraiseeveryobjectionIcanthinkof,butifyouguyshavethoughtitthroughandhaveananswertoallmyobjections,we'lldoit.Ijustwantyoutoknowitisn'tgoingtobeeasy."
TheSevenDeadlyIsms
Asetofeasilyidentifiedindividualissuesarethesevendeadlyismsthatsourrelationshipswithinorganizations.Theyaresexism,racism,ageism,chauvinism,elitism,favoritism,and(theworst,inmybook)individualism.Allmaybeshared,ofcourse,bymanymembersandareoftenpartoftheinstitutionalculture,butanyofthesedeadlyisms
canjustaseasilylurkwithinthepoisonedmindofasingleindividual.What
Page70
theyallhaveincommonisthattheyinclineustothinkofothersas"thoseguys"ratherthanallies.
I'llsingleoutfavoritismandindividualismforspecialtreatment,butlet'slookatthefirstfiveismsasagroup.Theyinvolvetheconsciousorunconsciousbeliefthatyoucanjudgeanindividual'sfitnessforperformanceonthebasisofgender,race,age,nationalorigin(chauvinism),orprivilegedbackground(elitism).(Whatfollowsappliesalsotodiscriminationagainsthomosexualsandagainstpeoplewithdisabilitiesthatareirrelevanttothejobsforwhichtheyareapplying.)
Itisimportanttodistinguishbetweenanismandameregeneralizationaboutgroupdifferences.Generalizationsthathavestatisticalvalidityarenotisms.Anismassumesthatthegeneralizationappliestoanindividual.Thatassumptionisonlysometimesillegalbutisalwaysillogical.Forexample,itistruethatmenconsistentlyscoresignificantlyhigherthanwomenontestsofspatialvisualization("Howwouldthesidesofthisboxlookiftheywereunfoldedtomakeatwo-dimensionalfigure?").Itisnotsexisttoreportthatfact,norwoulditbesexisttorequireahighscoreonsuchatestasaconditionforemploymentinaboxdesignfactory,eventhoughthetestdiscriminates.Whatissexististoskipthetestofspatialabilityanduseagendertestinstead:"Nowomenneedapply,becausewomenareinferiorinspatialabilities."Thatwouldexcludefromcandidacythemanywomenwhoseskillssurpasstheaverageman,notwithstandingthechromosomaltrend.
Ismsaffectpersonalconflictwithinorganizationsinmorecomplexwaysthanjustdiscriminationinhiring.Themanifestationsmaytaketheformofdoubtsaboutpeople'sloyaltyorcredibility;verysubtlestereotyping;oractsofomission,suchasnotbotheringtoincludesomeoneinabrainstormingsession.Ifsuchbiasrecursafterrepeated
discussion,someonewiththeauthoritytodosomayhavetoraisethequestionofwhethertheprejudicedindividualshouldcontinueasamemberoftheteam.
Favoritismisprobablyinevitableinanyorganization.Itisn'taproblemunlessitreachessuchadegreethatpeopleconsistentlycomplainaboutit.Ifonlyonepersonchargestheorganization
Page71
withfavoritism,itmayactuallybeanentitlementprobleminthecomplainer.
Ifyouaretheonewhoisregardedasplayingfavorites,considerthelikelihoodthatitmaybetrueandunproductiveforyourorganization.Doyouhaveperformancereasonsforgivingcertainindividualstheplumassignments?Ifso,letothersknowyourbasisforthosedecisions,soastomotivatethemtocompetefortheopportunities.Ontheotherhand,ifyouhavebeenplayingfavoritesforanyotherreason,thenyouhaven'tbeendoingagoodjobofdevelopingyourwholeteam.Youshouldbegratefulforthatfeedback.
IndividualismisoneofthemixedblessingsofAmericansociety.Ilistindividualismamongthesevendeadlyismsbecausethephilosophyof"takingcareofnumberone"or"meetingmyneeds"orjustplainselfishnessissimplytheoppositeofteamwork.Don'tfallintothetrapofbelievingthatenlightenedself-interestisthekeytocapitalistsuccess.Trulyenlightenedself-interestseesthat"IneedtodowhateverIcantohelpmyteammatesdotheirjobsbetter."(TheneedtokeepindividualisminbalanceisdiscussedindepthinChapter7.)Anindividualwhoarguesotherwiseisdefendingagainstintrapsychicissuesthatarenotofthegroup'smakingandnotforthegroup'sresolving.
Whenthestoryofourageiswritten,willitbecalledTheTriumphofTeamworkOverIndividualism?OrTheFailureofTeamworkinaCultureofNarcissism?HandlingIndividualIssues
Inthissection,I'llassumethatyouareeitheranoutsidefacilitatororanauthorityfigure(notapeer),havingdiagnosedanindividualissueinamemberoftheorganization.Ifyouignorethatissue,you'llatbestfailtodoyourjob.Buttheriskmaybemuchgreaterthanthat,especiallyifthebehavioryouseeisreallyasymptomof
psychopathology(adisorderedmindoraveryfragileego).
Thisdoesnotmeanthatyouhavetobeaclinicalpsychologist
Page72
orapsychiatristtotreadintheareaofindividualissues.PlanBcreatesaframeworkfordelicacyindealingwiththem.Youwon'tstirupmorethanisappropriatetodealwithintheorganization.However,youmustbepreparedtomovepeopleoutoftheorganizationratherthantiptoearoundtheirpsychopathologies.
Thefirststepindoingthatistotryinsightsalongthelinesoftheforegoingpages.Thebettertheparties'mentalhealth,thebetterthechancethattheywillmakeconstructiveuseofsomeinsightaboutthewaystheirownagendashavebeenmakingthingsdifficultforothers.Ifthatdoesn'thappen,though,youhavetomakesomechoices,actinggentlybutfirmly:
[]
Formentalhealthissues,anappropriatepersoncanmakeaprofessionalreferral.Themosteffectivewayistorequireprofessionalhelpasaconditionoffurtheremployment.Thatmaybeeffectiveasanimpliedthreat,statingyourrecommendationpositivelyratherthanexplicitly.(Offerhope:"Otherswiththesameproblemhavebeenhelped.")Ifyourtactmeetswithevasion,thenbemoreexplicit.Setatimelimitforboththeonsetoftreatmentandtheevaluationofitseffects.[]Ofcourse,itonlymakessensetorecommendtherapyiftheindividual'svaluetotheorganizationoutweighsthecostofwaitingandtheuncertaintyofseeingpositivechanges.Ifnot,andifyouareinapositionofauthorityandhavealreadygivenfairwarning,obviouslyyoucansimplyweedtheindividualoutofyourorganizationortransplanthimtoanothergroup,asyouwouldarosebushthatdoesn'taddbeautytoitssetting.[]Shortofthat,ifyou'resurethatthechancesofgettingtheindividualtochangearenilbutthatitwon'tbepossibletoterminatehisorheremploymentinthenearfuture,youmightskiptoChapter6(PlanE)andseewhatyoucandounilaterallytoalleviateproblems.[]Ontheotherhand,ifyouaren'treadytogiveup,trytheexercisesinChapter4asatestoftheindividual'scapacitytochange(PlanC).Thatstillleavesopenthethreeoptions(mentalhealthreferral,termination,
stillleavesopenthethreeoptions(mentalhealthreferral,termination,oryourowndeparture)pendingtheresultsofthetest.
Page73
[]
Finally,anothercaseforPlanCisoneinwhichyoufeelcertaintheindividualwon'tchange,butitisimportanttoletothergroupmembersseethereisnohope.Theywilltheneitherconclude,asagroup,toterminatetheindividualortogoaheadtoPlanEandtrychangingunilaterally.
Ifallthatsoundscoldlysystematic,itis.Nowhereisitmoreimportanttobethoughtful,cautious,anddeliberatethaninisolatinganindividualrottenapplefromthebarrel.Theconsequencesofamistakeeitherwayaresevere.Falselytoidentifyanindividualasthecauseofproblemsthatarereallyorganizationalisnotonlyunjust,itissuretobedestructive,asyoulosehisorherpositivecontributionsandstrengthenthegroup'stendencytoscapegoatitsnextidentifiedvillain.Ontheotherhand,youmustnotfailtodealwithanyindividualwhosemisdirectedpersonalissuesaretrulydestructivetotheorganization.Hencetheneedforaflowchartapproach(Figure31),ortheabovechecklist,andcarefulconsultationwithappropriateprofessionaladvisorsincludingapsychologistorpsychiatrist,youremployeeassistanceorpersonneldirector,andnotinfrequentlythecompany'sattorney.
RemainingConflicts
Chancesare,afterscreeningoutalltheforegoingkindsofdifferencesforspecialtreatment,oneormoreseriousissuesstillremainonthelistyourorganizationmembersmadeatthebeginningofthischapter.Anexamplewouldbea"siblingrivalry"problem,suchasthepowerstrugglebetweenDougandAnne(Figure31).Thisisnotamatterofmisunderstandingorinsensitivityorpointofview.Letusassumethatthetrianglingtechniquehelpedclarifyhowcentraltheirbossistoanysolution,butitdidn'tsolvetheproblem.Therivalrycouldhaveanyofanumberofunderlyingcauses,whichwemayneedtoexplore(PlanD).Butfirstwe'llgotoPlanCandseeifeitheroftherivalsisinterestedinchanging.
changing.
Page74
Notes
1.R.RooseveltThomas,Jr.,BeyondRaceandGender:UnleashingthePowerofYourTotalWorkforcebyManagingDiversity(NewYork:AMACOM,1991);LeeGardenswartzandAnitaRowe,ManagingDiversity.(Homewood,Ill.:BusinessOneIrwin,1992).
2.AbookthatdoesjusticetothemanyhumanresourcescomplicationsofmergersandacquisitionsisAnthonyBuonoandJamesBowditch,TheHumanSideofMergersandAcquisitions(SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass,1989).
Page75
4PlanC:GainCommitmenttoChangePlanBenabledyoutoeliminateanumberofextraneousmisunderstandingsandreframesomedifferencesasstrengths.However,itislikelythatanumberofthoseissuesyouclarifiedandsortedwillrequirechangesthatdon'tcomeeasily.Merelyidentifyingamatterofinsensitivitydoesn'tnecessarilythrowa"sensitive"switchinsidetheoffender.Pointofviewdifferencescan'talwaysbereframedasstrengthswithoutindividualschangingtheirattitudesandmodesofcommunication.
Oneteammemberisobsessiveaboutdetectingandcorrectingflawswhilehisequallyintensecolleague,impatienttogetproductoutthedoor,insists,"Nothingisperfect."Reframingtheircomplementarypersonalitystylesasastrengthoftheteamiswellandgood;butoneofthem(ifnotboth)stillhastobewillingtochange.
AnotherwayPlanBmayleaddirectlytoPlanCisthatthebossmayhavetargetedanindividualbehaviororpersonalityproblemasamatterof"fixorfire."Chapter3clarifiedit;nowwehavetochangeit.
Finally,fundamentalconflictsofinterestmaystillremain("Meetingmygoalsisincompatiblewithmeetingyourgoals")afterallissaidanddoneinPlanB.
Chancesare,themembersofyourgrouparestillblamingothersanddemandingchangesintheothers'behavior.Thesmoothermembersacknowledgethattheythemselvesaren't
Page76
perfectand,yes,they'llconsiderdoingwhattheycantoresolvetheproblem,butonlyafterso-and-sochangesfirst.
PlanCisdesignedtoestablish,pragmatically,whetherpartiestoaconflicthaveanychanceofbreakingawayfrommutualantagonismandfingerpointingtoapproachtheirproblemsasateam.Theprincipleisbothsimpleandprofound:Peoplewhocan'tadmittheyarepartoftheproblemwillneverbepartofitssolution.It'shardenoughtochangeourownbehavioralittle,evenwhenweacknowledgeourcontributiontotheproblemandwe'rereallycommittedtochange.Withoutthatcommitment,forgetit.
IndividualChangeandOrganizationalChange
Arewetalkingaboutchangeinindividualpersonsorinthatamorphoussystemofoverlappingrelationshipswecallthe"organization"?Whatisorganizationalchange,anyway?Isitevenmeaningfultotalkaboutthebehaviorofanorganization?Thetruthis,theentitiesthatdothebehaving,andthereforetheonlyrealobjectsthatcanchange,aretheindividualmembersoftheorganization.Ifwewantthe"organization"tostartfunctioningasateam,thatmeanswewantindividualpeopletostopfightingwitheachotherandtobehavemorecooperatively.
Ontheotherhand,groupsexertrapidandpowerfuleffectsonhowindividualsbehave.Anyoneindividualhasonlyamodest,slowimpactinleadingthegroupasawholetochange.
Thebeststrategy,therefore,istosettleforsmallstepsinwhateverappearstobeaconstructivedirection,bywhoeverappearswillingtotrythosesmallsteps.Thegroupisn'tgoingtochangeenmasse.Waitingforanyoneelse,muchlesswaitingforeveryoneelsetochange,isneveragoodidea.Thereisnoalternativebuttotakethosesmallsteps.
Thinkofasportsteam.Supposeyoucomeinasthenewcoach.Youfindthattheteamhasn'tbeenperformingaswellasitcouldbecausethecompetitivespiritbetweenandamongteammembersisexcessive.Allathletesarecompetitivebynature,ofcourse,butthenormsonthisteamincludeputting
Page77
eachotherdown,refrainingfromcomplimentingeachotherpubliclyorprivately,andgoingforindividualrecordsattheexpenseofwinningstrategies(shootinginsteadofpassing,forexample,ifit'sbasketball).Soyoutelltheteamtochange,andtheteamchanges,right?
Wrong.Youcantellthewholeteamtochange,andeverymembermightagreewithyou,butallthosehabitsofinteractionandalltheirmutualexpectationsaretoopowerful.Mostoftheindividuals,mostofthetime,continuetobehavewithoneanotherastheyareusedtodoing.Soyoucalltheirattentiontothatindividualbehavioreachtimeyouseeit.Youusewhateversanctionsyouhaveatyourcommand,andyouuseallyourpowersofpersuasionuntilgraduallyoneortwoofthemembersbehavedifferentlyonceortwice.Someoftheothersseethat,andtheymovealittleinthedirectionofmoreteamwork,whichencouragestheirteammates.Eventuallytheprocessaccelerates,newnormsdogetestablished,andtheteam,asateam,haschanged.Butithappenedinindividualplayersandnotallatonce.
Individualchangeagainstthenormsofagroupisveryhardtoproduce,especiallyifthesocialcontextisthesame.(IntheexampleIjustgave,theplayerswouldbeevenmoreresistantifitweren'tanewcoachleadingthem.)However,oncetheballisrollingandtheorganizationalnormsaremovinginanewdirection,thenallthepressureisontheindividualstoconformwiththosechanges.Wesaythey're"climbingonthebandwagon,""gettingwiththeprogram,""gettingreligion,""notrockingtheboat,''andsoforth.
Inotherwords,organizationaldynamicsareresistanttochangeearlyintheprocessofconflictresolutionbuteventuallybecomeitsmovingforces.
Agentsforchangecanandmustusethosefactsabouthumannature.Initially,toovercomethesystem'spowerfulinertia,don'tfightthe
mostresistantmembers.Joinwiththosewhoareinterestedinchangebutwhohaven'tfeltitwaspossible.Reframetheirproblem,sellthemadaptivesolutionsbywhateverargumentyoucanemploy,andsupporttheirsmallstepsintherightdirection.Buildonthosestepsuntilthereisenoughsupportfortheminthegroupitselfsothatpeerpressure
Page78
mountsinfavorofchangeandthemorerecalcitrantmemberscomealong.
Atyourfirstopportunity,renttheclassicfilmTwelveAngryMenandviewitinconnectionwiththisbook.HenryFondaplaysajurorwhoisalittlelesssusceptibletopeerpressurethantheotherelevenandwhohappenstohavebeenunconvincedbytheprosecution'sargumentstoconvictayoungmanofmurder.AtfirstFondaistheoutlyer,subjecttoscorn,butasonejurorafteranotherswitcheshisvote,thegrouppressureshiftsoverwhelminglyagainstthelastmanleftholdingwhathadoriginallybeenanearlyunanimousopinion.Boththescriptandthetwelveactors'performancescapturemanyfundamentalprocessesofhumaninteraction.
Ifyoutookacollegepsychologycourse,youprobablyreadabouttheexperimentsbyAschandothers,inwhichsubjectshadtoanswerobjectiveperceptualquestionssuchaswhichlineinasetofthreewasthesamelengthasatargetlineorwhichoftwoshapeshadthelargerarea.Unknowntothesubjects,alltheotherswhoansweredbeforethemwereconfederatesoftheexperimenter,instructedtomakeunanimouschoicesthatwerepatentlywrong.Typically,insuchstudies,thehaplessvictimofgrouppressuregoesalongwiththewronganswerasmuchasathirdofthetime,withoutprotestingovertly(butwithmuchinternaldistress).Furthermore,insomestudiesresearcherswereevenabletomanipulatesubjectsintodenyingtheyhadalteredtheirjudgments;theybelievedtheanswerstheyhadgivenundersocialpressure.Theconformitywasmuchhigherwhenthequestionswereaboutmattersofopinionratherthanmeasurablefact,butAsch'sworkshowedhowthepressureto"goalong"canoftenoutweigheventheevidenceofoursenses.
Inreallife,inthegroupwhoseconflictsyouneedtoresolve,thefirstpersontochangehisorherpositionwillbeliketheunfortunate
subjectinoneofthoseexperiments.Thesecondperson,though,isinnowherenearsoprecariousaposition.Itismuch,mucheasiertoresistthemajoritywhenyouarenottheonlyonedoingso.Asthatslightlyuncomfortableminorityswellsandbecomesthemajority,changebecomes
Page79
easierfortheindividualswhoresisteditatfirst.PlanCisbasedonthatinsightabouthumanbehavioringroups.
Allofusaremorecomfortablebehavingaswehavebehavedinthepastandinconformitywithourgroup'snorms.Thehardestindividualchangesaretheunilateralonestheonesmadebyleaders.Theleadersmustovercomeboththeirownresistancetochangeandtheirconvictionthatthegroupneedsthemtoconformwithitsexpectations.Sothosesmallstepsaren'teasy.(We'lldiscussunilateralchangeinChapter6.)
Forthatreason,intentionstochangeneedtobestatedpublicly,inthepresenceoftheotherpartieswhowillbeaffectedandwhosereactionsaregoingtoaffectthechangingindividual.IfTom,Dick,andHarryconstitutethegroup,itisapositivestepforwardjusttogetTomcommittedtomakeasmallchange.EvenifDickandHarrystillmaintainthattheyshouldn'thavetochange,theirtacitacceptanceofTom'scommitmentwillatleastreducetheobstaclestoTom'schanginghisownbehavior.
Changesthatareconsciously,explicitlyacknowledgedareeasiertomake,easiertocopewith,andeasiertoretain.Thereisnosubstituteforopenlydiscussinghowharditfeelstochange:beforeanyonehasexpressedawillingnesstotry,thenagainatthetimesomeindividualsbegintotalkaboutdoingso,thenasawayofcementingtheirintentionandcommitmenttobehavemoreconstructively,andfinally,asfollow-upevaluationandreinforcementforwhateverchangedoesoccur.
SpringingtheFingerTrap
Thehumantendencytopointthefingerofblameatothersisatrap.Liketheopposingdigitscaughtinthechild'snoveltyknownastheChinesefingertrap,mutualblamersstruggle
Page80
hopelesslytoescape.ThetechniqueIcall"springingthefingertrap"makesitcrystalclearwhoisandwhoisn'tpreparedtoshouldersomeresponsibilityforchangingtheirownbehavior.Whatwilltheydodifferently,henceforth,inresponsetothestressesandfearsthathavetriggeredunproductiveconflictinthepast?
Usethistechniqueinameetingofallthepeoplewhoareblamingeachother.Iftherearenpeopleinvolved,drawalargen×nchartwiththeirnamesacrossthetopand,inthesameorder,downtheleftside(Figure4-1).Makeitclearthateachcolumnrepresentsoneperson'sopinionsandthateachrowrepresentschangesthegroupwouldliketoseeinoneperson'sbehavior.Inthisexample,supposeAnne,Bob,Carl,andDougrepresenttheprincipalantagonistsinthecontentiousorganizationwevisitedinChapters2and3.Thewholecompanyhas
Figure4-1.Springingthefingertrap.
Page81
heardtoomanycomplaintsbyandaboutthemembersofthissupposedteam,includingvariousultimatums."EithershegoesorIgo,"BobhassaidaboutAnne."Ican'tworkwithher."
Thecompanyhassentyoutohelptheantagonistsgetoutofthatrut.Inoneofyourfirstmeetings,youannouncethattheyneedtofillinthischart.Anne'scolumn("Annesays")representsAnne'sopinions.Bobdoesn'tagreewithheropinionthattheproblemwouldbesolvedifhemovedtoanotherfloororbuilding.ButBobandAnnedon'tneedtoargueaboutthat.Ifhedoesn'tacceptheranalysisoftheproblem,hesimplyrefusestocopythatsentenceintohis"BobsaysBobshouldchange"cellonthediagonal.
Don'ttellthegroup,atthestart,thatthediagonalcellsareespeciallyimportant.You'llbeabletomakethatpointmoredramaticallyafterfillinginthewholechart.Takeyourtime,first,andbesureyouhaveaskedabouteverycell.Don'tbesurprisedifoneormorecellsonthemaindiagonalareleftempty.Bobcan'tthinkofanythingheneedstochangeabouthisownbehavior."I'mperfect,"hejokesandhedoesn'tmeanexactlythat,buthewouldliketobelievethathe'snotatfault.Iftheotherswouldjustmeasureup,theproblemwouldbesolved.
Whenallaresatisfiedwiththeircontributionsandhavehadampleopportunitytocommentonthewholechart,takeadifferent-coloredmarkerandoutlinethediagonalcells."I'msorrytotellyou,folks,thatthesearetheonlycellswhereanythingisgoingtohappen."WhenIdothis(IusesuchachartsoonerorlaterwithjustabouteverygroupIworkwith),IusuallyXouttheothercells,saying,"Forgetit!"and"Thisisbaloney!Thereisonlyonepersonintheworldyoucanchange,andit'shardenoughtomakeevenalittlechangeinthatstubbornso-and-so.IfAnnedoesn'tchangeAnne,nooneelsecan.IfBobisn'tgoingtochangeBob.''Atbest,whatyouhavewritteninacelllike"BobsaysAnneshouldchange"mightbetakenas
suggestionsforAnnetoconsiderputtingintoherowncellonthediagonal.(Figure4-2showshowthistechniquefitsintoPlanCandyourlargergameplan.)
Onemightthinkanyonewouldnowbeembarrassedto
Page82
Figure4-2.PlanC:Gaincommitmenttochange.
haveblankcellsonthediagonal(likeAnne,Bob,andCarlinFigure4-1).Underpeerpressure,theycouldhardlyrefusetotakeatleastoneofthegroup'ssuggestionsandpledgethemselvestomakethatchange,oratleasttothinkaboutworkingonit.Somewilldoso,perhapsmodifyingandreframingthesuggestions,andthosepledgesshouldbetakenascommitments,whichwewilldiscussinamoment.However,somepeoplewillstillrefuseperhapsdefiantlytoacknowledge
Page83
theirownresponsibilityforeithertheproblemoritssolution.Theymaysay,"I'mnotgoingtodothatuntilyoushowmeyou'vestopped."Or,"Youwon'thavetoworryaboutthatifyoustayoutofmy."
Ifyoucan'tsellcertainindividualsoncommittingthemselvestochange,don'tpressthemanyfurther.Rather,congratulatethemfortheirhonesty.Theydon'tintendtochange,andtheydon'twanttocreateanyfalseexpectations.Thetruthisthattheymaychangetheirmindatalaterstage;butfornow,itisbettertoleavethemhangingthere.Theyhaveisolatedthemselves.
Whatiftheentirediagonalisblank?Thishappensfrequently,especiallyina2×2chart(twodisputants).Afterall,ifthesefolkswerereasonableandsensible,theywouldn'tbestuckinthatquarrelinthefirstplace,wouldthey?Ihavehadaslargeagroupasfather,son-in-law,andfoursonsleaveallsixcellsonthemaindiagonalblankwhilefillingineveryoneoftheotherthirtycellswithmutualcritiquesanddemandsforchange.(Trythisathome,ifyouhavebickeringchildren.)Inacaselikethat,don'tbereluctanttosay,"I'msorry.Ican'thelpyou."Andjustwait.
JoiningtheResistance
IfIQtestsmeasuredtheabilitytothinkofexcuses,mostofuswouldscoreinthegeniuscategory.Asachangeagent,youprobablyrecognizemanyexcusesasflimsy,fallacious,illogical,ordishonest.Howfarpeopleletyouchallengetheirbogusexcusesisameasureofthestrengthofyourrelationshipwiththemandofhowwellyoubalancedyourjoiningwithallfactionsoftheconflict.Nomatterhowsuccessfulyouareatdismissingthoseexcuses,though,youhaven'tremovedtheirreasonsforresistance:notalwaysrational,butnonethelessrealandcompellingreasons.Soonerorlater,theresistantindividualorentiregroupexpressesacandidfearorworryaboutwhat
mighthappeniftheyweretoacceptthesuggestiontochange.(SeeChapter5foradiscussionofhowyoudiscoverthesecretbasisoftheirresistance.)
Page84
Weshalluseawell-knownsalestechniquecalledjoiningtheresistance,whichhasmanyapplicationsbeyondthefieldofconflictresolution.Theprinciplebehinditisthatpeopledon'trespondwelltosuggestionsthatdismisstheimportanceofwhateverfearsunderlietheirresistance.Theyrespondverywelltosomeonewhosharesoracceptsthevalidityoftheirfearsandofferstohelpaddresstheirconcern.
Let'ssaysomeonehasjustmadeanadaptivesuggestionandsomeoneelsehasofferedresistancebasedonpoorreasoning(inyourjudgment).Itdoesn'tmatterwhetheryouaretheonewhomadethesuggestionorjustthefacilitatorofadiscussion;thistechniqueworksthesameeitherway.
Yourfirststepistoclearlyidentifyboththesuggestionandthecounterargument,usingactivelisteningtobesureyouunderstand.Donotdismissthecounterargumentasfallaciousorinsignificant.
Ellen'sandGeorge'sdifferentopinionsaboutorganizationalprioritiesaresincere,buttheyarealsoaspectsofaknee-jerkmutualopposition.OnthisoccasionEllenmakesagoodsuggestion,butGeorgearguesagainstit.Youdon'tsaythatyoususpecthewouldhavedisagreedwithhersuggestionnomatterwhatitwas.Instead,yousay,"SoweunderstandthatEllenisarguinginfavorofdownsizingthedepartmentforreasonsofcostcontrol,butGeorgeisconcernedaboutpreservingourreputationforcustomerservice."
Clarifythereasonforthecounterarguments.Whatistheresistantpartytryingtoachieve,preserve,oravoid?Reframethatunderlyingmotiveasbeingessentiallypositive.Itisnotresistance.Itisprudence,desireforgrowth,loyalty,passionforexcellence,concernforpeople,oranotherworthwhileconcern.
Makeanextrajoininggesture,ifnecessary,toputyourselfonthesideoftheresistantparty:
"I'mgonnamovemychairoverhereandsitinGeorge'scorner."Or(dependingonthesituation):"Iappreciateyourcandor."Or:"Thankyouforraisingthatconcern."
Page85
Nowagreewiththepositivemotiveasyou'vereframedit,andjustifytheproposedconstructiveactionasbeinginlinewiththatmotive:
ItseemstomeEllen'sorganizationalschemewillreallyaccomplishbothgoals,downsizingaswellaspersonalizingourrelationswithcustomers,asGeorgesuggests.
Asalesperson:"Infact,that'sexactlywhatthisproductwilldoforyou:saveyoumoney."
NoticehowthistechniquemovesthediscussionbacktothelevelofPlanA,withbothpartieslookingforsharedgoals.Youarestilltryingtogetpeopletochangetheirpositionsbutonawin/winbasis.Itisn'tamatterofhelpingEllenconvinceGeorgethathehasbeenwrong.Itisamatterofreframingthewholediscussionsothatbothofthemareright.Modifytheoriginalsuggestionifnecessary,andreframeitastheproductoftheresistantparty'sclarificationofconcerns.
Thisiswhyit'ssoproductivetobrainstormtogether,becausewhatyou'vecomeupwithisabetterplan.
Finally,consolidatethestepyouhavejusttakentowardconsensus.Formalizeamessageordecisionintheformofacontract,awrittenpolicystatement,oradatedmemorandum.Salespeoplecallthistheclosing.Youmightcallitmanipulative.Icallitgainingcommitmenttochange.
HarnessingtheCommitment:AccentuatethePositive
Ischangegoodorbad?Weallsaythatit'sinevitableanddesirable;yetwenaturallyresistchangeinourselvesandmoreoftenresentthanapplauditinothers.Realizingthat,manyleaderstrytosneakchangesinthedoorbymakingthemassubtleandimperceptibleaspossible.Infact,however,changesinpeople'srelationships,trust,andrespectforoneanotherareunlikelytosucceedunlessthosepeopledramaticallydeclareandopenlydiscusstheircommitmenttothosechanges.
Page86
Thereforeyouhaveeverythingtogainbypositivelylabelingtheconflictandcongratulatingtheorganizationonitscapacitytoresolveit.HencethenameConflict-ResolvingSystem(CRS).Callitanythingyouwant,solongasyoumakeabigdealoutofit.We'llreturntothatpointinChapter7,buthereweneedtocontrastnegativeversuspositivewaysofframingthesameeventsandthesameorganizationalcharacteristics.Figure4-3presentsalternativewaysofmakingthesamepoint,througheverystageofconflictresolution:identifyingandlabelingtheproblem,tracingthehabitualcycle,expressinganysharedfearsthatthegrouphasavoidedfacing,describingoldandnewbehavior,andspecifyingwhateachindividualwillbewillingandabletochange.
Theseexamplesarefurtherapplicationsoftheprincipleofreframing(Chapters2and3).Someofthemmayappearminor,simplyachoiceofrhetoricalstyle.Butasyoupractice,youwillfindthatpositivewaysofmakingyourpointsinconflictivesituationsgoalongway.Themoretenseandirritatedpeopleare,andthemoretheyalignthemselveswithdifferentpositions,themoreyouriskantagonizingthembyphrasingyourselfasintheleft-handcolumnofFigure4-3andthemoreeffectiveyoucanbebyshowingrespectasintheright-handcolumn.
Follow-Up
Aswithsomuchinlife,follow-upisessential:comingtogetherformallyafteranappropriatetimehaspassedtoevaluatethechangesanddecidewhethertheprogresshasbeensufficient.Theresultsofthatassessmentwilldetermineyourcourseofaction,assuggestedinFigure4-2.
Iftheprogresshasbeengreat,makeabigdealoutofit.Celebrateandgivelavishpraisewheredue.Yourorganizationismovinginthe
directionofmakingtheCRSflowchart(Figure1-1)yournorm.We'lllookatwaysofinstitutionalizingCRSandcapitalizinguponitinChapter7.
Ontheotherhand,iftherehasbeenbutlittleprogress,repeattheprocessesofgoalsetting(PlanA),valuingdifferences(PlanB),andspecifyingindividualcommitments(this
Page87
Figure4-3.Negativevs.positiveframing.
InsteadofframingeventsNEGATIVELY
YoucanframethesameeventsPOSITIVELY
Identifyingandlabelingtheproblem:
Wehavesomeidiotsinthisoutfitwhoonlythinkofthemselves.
We'reworkingongreatersensitivitytooneanother'sneeds.
Tracingthehabitualcycle:
EverytimeItakesomeinitiative,youactlikeI'minvadingyourturfandyougooutofyourwaytonitpick
Whenmyattemptsatinitiativeseemtorubyouthewrongway,andyouthencritiquewhatI'vedone,myreactionis
Expressingthesharedfears:We'rescaredlittlebabies,really, Weallshareaconcernaboutwhatmighthappenif
You'reallwalkingaroundafraidtobreathelestyougiveFredaheartattack.
BecauseyoucareaboutFred'shealth,
Describingoldandnewbehavior:
Theslightestimplicationthatanyonemightbedissatisfieddrivesher
Theinabilitytomakeeveryonehappydroveher(usethepasttenseratherthanthepresenttensetodescribewhatyouhopewillnowchange)
SoI'msupposedto SowhatInowdoisSpecifyingwhateachindividualwillchange:
Fine,I'llletthemcontinueasalways,sincethere'snothingIcandoaboutit.
ThepartofitIcancontrolismyownreactionifandwhenthatcontinuestohappen.I'llworkon.
Don'tblameme,then,thenexttimethey PleaseletmeknowthenexttimeIcomeacrossto
youasarrogantordisrespectful,becauseI'msureit'sgoingtotakemeawhiletochangeandI'llneedyourhelp.
chapter).Theonlyconstraintsonthenumberoftripsyoumaymake
aroundthelooparepeople'spatienceandalliancewithyou.
Whatifyouhaven'tmadeanyprogressatall?Itmaybethatparticipantsgavenomorethanlipservicetotheircommitmentstochange.Theiractionscontinuetobelietheirwords.Good;nowyouhaveconfirmedthat.IfyouwereusingPlanCtotestwhatIcalled"individualissues"inChapter3,thenyou
Page88
cannowchoosefromamongthethree"giveup"options:presentinganultimatum,removingtheoffender,orremovingyourself.
Thefinalpossibility,whichisdifficulttoadmitbutperhapsthemostlikelyexplanation,isthatyouhaven'tunderstoodtheprobleminthefirstplace.Itmayevenappeartohavebeensolvedforawhile,butthenitcomesbackinanotherversion."Theretheygoagain,"groupmembersoroutsiderssayoftheprincipals,"anotherroundofthetitlebout."
Thosecasesrequireustogoalittledeeperintothedynamicsofconflictswithingroups.Chapter5introducestheconceptofthesustainedconflictcycle.
Page89
5PlanD:AnalyzetheRecurringCyclePlanDaddressesthemostdistinctivefeatureofwithin-groupconflictsascomparedtothosebetweenpeoplewhoneitherworknorlivetogether.Theserious,chronicconflictswithingroupsfollowacyclicpattern.Theparticularbattleofthedayisonlyasymptomofunderlyingtensions,whichflareup,subsideforawhile,blowupagain.Peaceisrestored,thenlostinyetanotherskirmish.Wemustunderstandandaddressthedynamictensionsthatdrivethatrecurringcycleifwehopetoimprovetheparties'workingrelationshipsinanylastingway.
WhyCommunicationIsNotEnough
YouarriveatthissectionoftheConflict-ResolvingSystem(CRS)flowchartwhenconflictkeepsrecurringdespiteyoureffortsatPlansA,B,andC.Thereforewe'llnowfocusonthatrecurringcycle(Figure5-1)andonaprofoundtruthaboutit:Thereasonitkeepscomingbackaroundagainisthatpeoplearenotreallyfightingaboutwhattheysaytheyarefightingabout.
Anytwopeoplewhocomeintocontact,evencompletestrangers,immediatelybegintoaffectoneanother.Butinagroupofindividualswhohaveaworkingrelationship(asinafamily),themutualeffectsaresopowerfulandenduringthatgroupmemberscometoshareawholesetoffears,apprehensions,anddistortions.InChapter3welookedatindividualmisapprehensionsthataredue,basically,tonotknowingotherpeoplewellenough.Nowwe'resaying,inaddition,thatwithin
Page90
Figure5-1.Thecycleofrecurringconflict.
arelationshipofanykind,members'sharedhistorygivesthemsharedapprehensionsoverandabovetheirdifferences.Inotherwords,whenthesamepatternofconflictrecursagainandagaininagroup,itisprobablyduetoknowingeachothertoowell.
Figure5-2illustratesthecycleofsustainedconflictinamarriedcouple,GeorgeandMarthainWho'sAfraidofVirginiaWoolf?EdwardAlbee'splayportraysanexcruciatingpatternofpain-to-avoid-pain,whichGeorgeandMarthahavesustainedformorethantwentyyears.Theylacerateoneanotherwithhumiliatinginsults,mercilessly,untilitseemstheycouldnotpossiblystaytogether.Thenoneofthemmakesawisecrack(atonepoint,GeorgesuddenlyaimsapistolatMartha'sheadandpullsthetrigger,onlytoreleasealittleflagthatsays"Bang!"),
Page91
Figure5-2.ThecycleofrecurringconflictinWho'sAfraidofVirginiaWoolf?byEdwardAlbee.
provokingaffectionatelaughterandatemporarycease-fire.Butthatsoonbecomesuncomfortableandintolerablebecauseoftheemptinessandunresolvedgriefintheirchildlessmarriage.Theyavoidfacingtheirgriefbystirringupthemorefamiliar,controllablepainofmutualverbalabuse,Martha'sdebauchery,andGeorge'scrueltytoherinvitedguests.
Subtlercyclesoccurinbusinessorganizations.Toseethem,youneedtoknowhowtoanalyzeaconflictintermsofthosesixphasesofthecycle.You'lldothiseverytimeyouencounterarecurringconflictthatisn'tresolvedbyclarifyingsharedgoals,searchingforwin/winsolutions,andvaluingdifferences.AsktheanalyticquestionsinFigure5-3.Youcanaskthewholegrouptohelpyoufillinthe
answerstothosequestions
Page92
Figure5-3.PlanD:Analyzetherecurringcycle.
(startwithasimilarchartwiththesixboxesblank).Oryoucanjustchartthecycleprivatelyforyourownuse.
LaterinthischapterIshowyouhowtousethisinformationasachangeagent;first,however,somepracticalsuggestionsaboutgatheringthedata.PlanDisreallyatechniqueforgettingbelowthesurfaceexplanationsofwhatpeoplesaytheyarefightingaboutandevenwhattheythinktheyarefightingabout,tosocial-dynamicreasons,whichtheyhaven'tthought
Page93
muchabout.(Likeitornot,youareabouttoentertheworldofthepsychologicaldetective.)
Tofillintheboxes,youcanstartwhereverthemostobviousdataare.Forexample,iftheclearestobservationisthataccusationsofselfishnessinvariablypushsomeone'sragebutton,youmightworkyouwaybothforwardandbackwardfromConflictIgnites.Whatusuallyprovokesthatkindofaccusationinthefirstplace?Whatkindofreactiondoesitprovoke?Counteraccusations?Howfardoestheragego?Whofanstheflames(ConflictEscalates)?Howhotdotheygetandhowlongdomemberstoleratethem(ConflictPeaks)beforehaulingoutthefirebrigade?Whatextinguishestheflames(ConflictSubsides)?
Yourtaskistofillinthewholechart.AsyoumoveclockwisearoundthecircletoPeaceBreaksOut,ifyoucan'tlearnwhythepeacechangesfromarelieftoarenewedsourceofanxiety,jumptoConflictIgnitesandworkbackwardtoSharedFears.Whatarethosefears?Yourinitialdiscussionmayyieldonlyahintorafirstapproximation.Itmaytakemorethanoneinterview;keepatit.
Thiscircularmethodbelongstotheconsultingapproachknownas''processresearch."Youarechallengingtheparticipants'resistancetochangeinordertounderstandtheirprocessandtofindouthowyoucanhelpthemimproveit.Withpractice,thetechniquewillbecomesecondnature.Let'slookatsomebusinessorganizationexamplesandtheorizealittleaboutwhythispatternissouniversal.
WhyGroups,LefttoThemselves,UsuallyMaintainConflict
Conflictiscostlyandpainful.Why,then,isitsopopularevenamongfolkswhocareaboutoneanotherandhaveeverythingtogainbyworkingtogetherinharmony?Thebestanswerpsychologistshave
beenabletodiscoveristhatmembersofagroupareworkingtogetherwhentheyengageinrepetitive,predictabledisputecycles.Theyarecollaboratingtoavoidsomethingworse.
Page94
Itwillbeclearesttobeginwithafamilybusiness,afterwhichwe'llseehowthesamecyclesofsustainedconflictariseinnonfamilyorganizations.
Mel'stwosons,ages26and29,workwithhiminaretailchainoftwelvefurniturestores.Hisyoungersonhasbeenworkinginthebusinessnearlysixyears,eversincedecidingthatcollegewasnotforhim.Melattributesmostofthecompany'sgrowth,infact,tothatson'sefforts.Hisoldersononlyjoinedthemtwoyearsago,havingworkedoninformationsystemsatWal-MartCorporationforfouryearsaftertakingadegreeincomputersciences.
Withonebrother'sknowledgeofthefurniturebusinessandtheother'ssophisticationabouttheaggressiveuseofinformationsystemsinamultilocationbusiness,itoughttobeanexcellentteam.Butguesswhat?Theyfightconstantly,usuallyoverpettymatterslikewhofailedtorecordsomething,orlostafile,orforgottogivetheotheratelephonemessage,orokayedanemployee'sleavingearly.
Melissure"thebusinessneedsbothboys'talents."Nonetheless,insteadofhelpingthemeaseuponeachother,hefindshimselfconstantlyscrappingwithwhicheveroneiscurrentlycomplainingtheloudest.Theyshout,hurlepithets,andridiculeeachothertoemployees.Ifhedoesn'thearaboutitfromanothermanager,Melwillhearsoonerorlaterfromhisyoungerson,whokeepsyellingabouthis"seniority"andclaimsnottoknowwhathisbrotherdoesallday.Dependingonthestory,Melthenyellsattheolderortheyoungersonorboth,andtheyscreamlouderathim,makingmattersworse.
Inthiscase,MelandhissonsmayspendmostoftheirtimemostdaysandmosthoursofthedaysomewherebetweenConflictIgnitesandConflictPeaks.Asunpleasantastheirfightsappeartoothers,onlyinfrequentlydoesthefightinggrowintolerabletothefightersthemselves.Whenthatdoeshappen,theyeaseoff,buttheydon'ttarrylonginatrucebeforeworkingtheirwayaroundtothenextconflagration.
Weallknowgroupsthatarejusttheopposite:soaversetoconflictthatittakesalmostnotimeforthemtogettoConflictSubsidesandthenalongtimebeforerevisitingConflictIgnites.
Page95
Infact,theymayhitwhatforthemisapeak,triggeringpacificationbehavioralmostbeforeanoutsiderisabletodiscernthattheyclashed.Thentheyremaininapparentpeaceandharmonyforweeksormonthsrecoveringfromtheshock,beforethenextconflict.
Noticethatbothextremecases,theoneseemingtofightallthetimeandtheotherbarelyseemingtofightatall,exhibitthesamecircularpattern.Thequestionthathauntsus,asreasonableobservers,iswhytheydon'tstayinPeace.Wheredothoseapprehensionscomefrom,justwhenthingsoughttobecopacetic?Andwhentheydoarise,whydotheytriggerthesameoldbattleinsteadofanice,reasonablediscussion?
Inotherwords,whydoespeaceleadtoconflict?Itisn'tthatpeoplejustlovetofight.Ithappensforeitheroftworeasons:
1.Sometimes,whatlookslikepeaceisn'treallypeace.Thetrueconflicthasn'tbeendiscussed,letalonesuccessfullyresolved,andeveryoneknowsitunconsciouslyifnotconsciously.Theycollaboratetokeepfightingabouttriviainhopesofgettingtotherealissues,butwhenitgetstoodangeroustheybackawaywithouthavingdoneso.Theensuingcease-firereducesthedangerordullstheirmemoryofhowfrighteningtheheatofbattlewas.Thentheyarewillingtotakeuptheirweaponsagain.
2.Alternatively,thepeaceitselfisdangerous.Evenifsomeearlierissuesdidgetresolved,thatveryfactraisesnewquestionsthecollaboratorssensetheyaren'treadytoface.Forexample:Ifweareworkingwelltogether,doesthatmeanoneofusiscapableofbeingtheorganization'snextpresident?Whichoneofus?Or:Ifwearefunctioningmoreproductivelyasateam,doesthatmeansomeofusaren'tneededanymore?
Ineithercase,theantagonistsarefightingasanineffectivewayofsolvingaproblem.Yourjobistoofferthemamoreeffectivewayofsolvingitoratleastempowerthemtotalkaboutitsotheycanfindthe
solvingitoratleastempowerthemtotalkaboutitsotheycanfindthesolutionthemselves.
Asyouworkonanalyzingacycleofsustainedconflict(Figure5-3),itoftenhelpstoaskthepartiesaradicalquestion:"Whatareyoufightingtogethertoavoid?"
Page96
Whatastrangesuggestion!Mel'stwosons,forexample,thinktheyarefightingagainsteachothertoachieveincompatiblegoals.Itiscounterintuitivetosuggestthattheyareactuallyworkingtogethertomaintainthefightinordertoavoidsomestateofaffairsthattheybothsensewouldbeworsethanthecostoftheirstruggle.Yetplantingthatsuggestionalmostalwaysbearsfruit.
Infact,it'sfruitlesstotrytohelpresolveaconflictwithoutaskingtheparties(and/oraskingourselves)thisquestion.Hereisanotherwaytowordit:"Whatdoyouthinkmighthappenifyoudidn'tdowhatyouusuallydointhatsituation?"Whatif,forexample,yougaveeachotherthebenefitofthedoubtandtreatedeachotherlikeclients?Thatquestionusuallybringstolighttherealforcebehindtheconflict,thecombatants'realapprehensions,whichcouldbeanythingfrom"ifIlethergetawaywiththat,she'dwalkalloverme"to''thebosswouldn'thaveanythingtobitchabout"to"wewouldn'tneedasmanyworkers"to"wewouldn'thaveanyexcusesforfailure."Anyofthosewouldbeamoreproductivewaytoframetheproblemthantheirlistofmutualgrievances,accusations,andattacks.
The"WhatMightHappenIf?"QuestionWhatdoyouthinkmighthappenifyoudidn'tdowhatyouusuallydointhatsituation?Thecombatantsinasustainedconflictcycleareawareoftheseapprehensionsbutnotawarethatthey'vebeenfightingtoprotectthewholesystemfromhavingtofaceanddealwiththem.Untilthegroupdoesfacethoseissues,anypeacewillbeillusory,onlyatemporarycease-fire.
The"Whatmighthappenif?"questionbypassestheexcusespeopleprefertousewhenjustifyingaggressiveordefensivepositions.IntheexampleofMel'sfurniturechain,whatmighthappenifthesonsweretostopattackingandunderminingeachotheroverpettymatters?
Chancesare,theymightagreeontheneedtomakechanges,whichwouldsoonprogresstoorapidlyfortheirfather'scomfort.Deepdown,theydon'tbelievehereallywantsthemtotakeover.Deepdown,
Page97
theyaren'tsuretheyarecapableofmakingthosedecisions.AndtheyarecollaboratingtomakesureDaddoesn'tleave.Theydon'tenjoysquabblingwithoneanother,butthealternativesaretoofrighteningtothinkabout.Itiseasiertopointthefingerofblameatabrotherthantodwellondoubtsaboutone'sowncompetence.
Letusnotstopwiththesons'motives.DoesMelreallywantthemtofeelcompetent?Whatwouldhappentohisownself-esteemiftheirjudgmentturnedouttobeasgoodasorbetterthanhis?Hisself-esteemdependsonpointingtotheirinadequacies.Thisisnotjustamatterofthedifficultyanyentrepreneurhaslettinggoofhis"baby,"thebusinesshehasnurturedforthirtyyears.Itisn'teasyinanycase,butthetwoyoungmenprobablywouldnotbefightingsovaliantlytoprovetheycan'tgetalongwithouthimifDadhaddoneagoodjobofbuildinguptheirself-confidencefromchildhoodon.Wegenerallyfindmutualenvyandenmityamongadultsiblingsinabusinessonlywhentheyhavesufferedfromexcessiverivalryalltheirlivesbeforetheyevercametoworkfortheirfatherfightingfortheapprovalhedidn'tknowhowtogivehischildren.
Webeganwithafamilybusinessexamplebecausecyclesofsustainedconflictaresoprevalentinfamilysystems.Infact,conflictresolutionandteambuildingwithfamilyfirmsalmostalwaysentailPlanD.However,suchproblemcyclesalsoariseineverykindoforganization.
Thefollowingtwoexamplesshowhowtheexcusespeoplegivefortheirsustainedbattlesoftenhavelittleconnectiontothesharedunconsciousmotivesthatwouldremainunspokenifnooneweretoasktheradicalquestion,"Whatwouldhappenif?"
EmpireRealtywasamedium-sizepropertymanagementfirminaregionwithanalarminglyhighofficevacancyrate.AgroupofexecutivesheadedbyRickandGinohadrecentlyacquiredthecompanyfromitsretiring
owner.Rick,withthetitleofpresident,wasinchargeofsellingEmpire'sservicestopropertyowners.Ginosupervisedtheirfiveoffices.TheirconflicthadbegunwhenRickaccusedGinoandhisgroupofhidinginformationfromhimandofcarelesslylosingtenants.
Page98
Ginohadadifferentslantontheirfailuretocommunicate."EverytimeRickblowsasale,helooksforsomeonetoblame."
"Whatwouldhappenifyoutwoweren'targuingoverwhoscrewedup?"Iasked.
Ihadtorepeatthequestionacoupleoftimes,butfinallyGinoreplied,"Theonlywaywewouldn'targueaboutthatisifwewerenot,infact,screwingup."
Whatwouldbewrongwiththat?
Theylookedpuzzled."Nothingwouldbewrongwithit,"Ginosaid."That'swhatwe'reseeking."
"No,youreallyaren't,"Ichallengedhim."You'reeachspendinghalfyourenergydemandingthattheotherguydothechangingandhalfyourenergygivinghimexcusesnotto.SoIguessonethingyou'retryingtodoiskeeponhavingthisargument."Thiselicitedasmile,indicatingthatImightbeontherighttrack.Icontinued,"Whatcanyouimagineasapossiblenegativeifthewholeproblemweretogoaway,infavorofsmooth,productivecommunication?"
"Icantellyouonething,"Rickvolunteered."We'dprobablystartaskingourselvesifwe'reinthewrongbusiness."Hesaidthisasifhewerejoking,butitturnedoutthathewasnot.Ilearnedthatbothmenwereterrifiedaboutthedebttheyhadincurredtoacquirewhatmightpossiblybeadyingbusiness.Theyweresofarfromhavinganyideasaboutredirectingthebusinessthattheyhadavoidedvoicingtheirfearstoanyone,eventheirwives.Andtheprincipalwaytheyhadavoideddoingthatwastofussandfumeaboutoneanother'sincompetenceandpossibledishonesty.
MyonlycontributionbasedonthatdiscoverywastohelpRickandGinostarttalking,alongwiththeirpartnersandindustryadvisors,abouttherealproblem.Hereistheotherexample:
TedispresidentofNetTech,afirmthatprovidessoftwareengineersandprogrammerstocompaniesthatareredesigningtheirinformationsystems.Thedifferencebetweenthesalariesofhistwohundredemployeesand
theirfeesbilledtoclientsisNetTech'sprofitmargin.HencethemonthlyutilizationreportsfromCathy,thefirm'scontroller,oughttoprovidevitalinformationto
Page99
branchmanagers(theveryinformation,infact,whichwilldeterminetheirannualperformancebonuses).Yetshecomplainsthattheyneverlookatherreports,reactwithhostilitywhensheurgesthemtousethem,andrefusetomaketheirofficeadministratorscooperateingettingtheneededdataintohersystemaccuratelyandontime.
TedlearnsthatavirtualstateofwarexistsbetweenCathyandRon,hisvicepresidentofsales(towhomallsixbranchmanagersreport;seeFigure5-4).Ronaccusesheroflyingwhenshe"comescryingtoyouwithcomplaintsofmistreatment."SheblamesRonentirelyforthedisrespectshegetsallthewaydowntheline,attributing
Figure5-4.OrganizationalresponsibilityofNetTechCorporationofficers.
Page100
abouthalfoftheproblemtohissexismandhalftodefensivenessabouthislackofmanagementskill.(Twice,shegotTedtosendRontoAMAseminarsandactuallyregisteredhim,buthefoundlast-minuteexcusesnottogo.)
Ron,43,whostartedhiscareerasaprogrammer,cametothisfirmtwelveyearsago,managingthreedifferentbranchesbeforehisrecentpromotiontothemainoffice.Cathy,28,washiredonlyfouryearsagoasassistanttothecontroller.Sheimmediatelybegantocampaignforusingthefirm'sexpertisetorevamptheirownsystem.Herbossretiredandshegothisjob,althoughnothisfullsalary.Ronaccusesheroftryingtousurphisauthority,treatingthebranchmanagers(allmen)arrogantlyandtheiradministrators(allwomen)ashersubordinates.
TedhasalreadyaskedRontotakeCathytolunchandresolvetheirdifferenceswithoutinvolvinghim.Thatdidn'thelp.WhenTedrealizesthathewillhavetomediate,hetriesPlanA.Itonlytakesfiveminutestorealizethatwillgonowhere.PlanBhelpstoclarifytheissueofmalechauvinism,whichRonacknowledges(thoughhefeelssomeofthebranchmanagersareguiltierthanhe,andheclaimsthatthefemaleadministratorshavenoproblemswiththeguysandcan'tstandCathy).Tedtries"springingthefingertrap"(Figure4-1),includinghimselfasoneofthepartieswhoneedtochange.Intheboxlabeled"TedsaysTedmustchange,"hepointedlywrites,"Becleareraboutwho'sresponsibleforwhat"and"Don'tseemtotakesides."
Rontakesthehint,committinghimselfto"GiveCathymoresupport"and"Don'tassumeCathy'sintentionsaremalicious."Cathycanthinkofnothingtowriteunder"CathysaysCathyshouldchange,"rejectingthetwomen'ssuggestions.Beforegivinguponher,however,TeddecidestotryPlanD.
"Thisdisputekeepsgoingaroundandaround,"hesays."Yougetintoaknock-down,drag-outfight,calleachotheralotofnames,andthenitsubsidesforafewweeksoracoupleofmonths.Whathappens?Whydoesitcomeupagain?"
CathyandRoneachofferone-sidedaccountsofwhatstartstheirtrouble.
"Let'sassumeyou'rebothcollaboratinginthis,"Tedsays."Let'sassumethere'sahiddenpayoffinthisconflict,ormaybeahiddencostwhenyougetalong.Afterall,youbothknow
Page101
verywellhowtopusheachother'sbuttons,andconversely,howtodealwitheachotherprofessionallywhenyouwantto."
CathyandRonbothlookthoughtful,butthey'renotsuretheyunderstandwhereTedisgoing.Hetriesthe"Whatwouldhappenif?"question:"Whatwouldhappenifyoutwocouldtrusteachotherandifyoufeltrespectedbyeachother?Whatwouldbewrongwithworkingasateam?"
"Whatwouldyoudo?"Cathyasks.
Whatdoyoumean?
Rightnow,abigpartofyourjobismediatingbetweenthetwoofus.You'retryingtospendlessofyourtimeonday-to-dayoperations,whichisgood,butmaybeifyoudidn'thavethisproblemtodealwithfrequently,youmightgetalittletoofarawayfromthings.
ThatturnsouttobethefirstthingCathyhaseversaidthatRoncanfullyagreewith."I'dputitalittledifferently,maybe,"hesays."Ithinkbetweenthetwoofusweshouldbehandlingalltheday-to-daystuff.Ishouldonlyinvolveyouinmeetingwithkeyclientsandcertainnewprospects;Cathyshouldinvolveyouwiththebank,stufflikethat.Butmaybewedon'thavetheconfidencethatthetwoofuscanessentiallyrunthecompanytogether.Wecanbeprofessionalandcordialwitheachotherwhenwewanttobe.Butifshedoesn'thaveconfidencethatIreallyknowwhatI'mdoing,andifIdon'tthinkshehasanyknowledgeatallofwhatweonthelinedo,thenwearen'treadytohaveyouwithdrawtoachairman-of-the-board-typerole."
TedhasbeenacollaboratorinmaintainingtheproblembyhisfailuretoclarifyCathy'sjobtoRonandbyhabituallytryingtopacifybothofthembyagreeingwhentheydenigrateoneanother.Intruth,hehasbeenambivalentaboutthechangesinhisownrolethatthecompany'sgrowthanddevelopmentnecessitate.
Figure5-5summarizestheanalysisofthissustainedconflictcycle.Insteadofarguingforeverabouttheirexcusesforfighting,theycannowturntheirattentiontothematterstheywerefightingtoavoid.
Page102
Figure5-5.ThecycleofrecurringconflictasshownbyNetTech'spresidentandtwokeyexecutives.
TheChangeAgent'sChallenge
IntheEmpireRealtycase,myworkwasessentiallydonewhenIhelpedRickandGinogaininsightsaboutwhattheywerefightingtogethertoavoidtalkingabout.Inthelastexample,Ted's,Cathy's,andRon'sinsightswereonlythebeginningofateam-buildingprocessthatwouldbeakeypartoftheirorganizationalchange.Whenyouarecalledupontoimproveasetof
Page103
relationships,howcanyouusePlanDinsightstodirectthechangeprocess?
RecallthatinPlansAandBwetriedtoresolvetheconflictthroughbetterlisteningandproblemsolvingbasedonwhatthedisputantssaidtheywerefightingabout.WhenPlansAandBfail,itmeansthedisputantsaren'tsayingormaybearenotevenawareofwhattherealfightisabout.However,thisdoesnotmeanthatoncemadeawareofit,theycanjustcutitout.
Unlikeconflictsbetweenstrangers,whichcanoftenbesettledbycorrectingtheirmisunderstandingsandnegotiatingacompromise,conflictsbetweenmembersofthesamegroupmaybebasedonaverygoodunderstandingand,infact,anunspokencompact:"Let'syouandmefight."Theirconflictwillsubsidewhenitspurposeseemstohavebeenserved,butthenitisonlyamatteroftimebeforethesystemgetsoutofequilibriumagainbecausetherealproblemwasneveraddressed.Sothememberswillfallbackupontheirhabitsofpushingthefamiliarbuttonstogetthefamiliarresult.Therefore,foranyonewhohopestomovethemoffthatmerry-go-round(whetheryou'reoneofthedisputantsyourself,theirsupervisor,anothermemberoftheorganization,oraprofessionalconsultant),thechallengeisusuallygreaterthanjusttalkingthepartiesintostoppingtheirdestructivebehavior(PlanC).Youhavetohelpthemfindbetterwaysofdealingwiththeirunderlyingapprehensions.
Themutuallydestructivepatternoffightingwillcontinueuntilsomeonegivesthepartiesamorestraightforwardwaytodealwithwhateverissuethey'vebeenfightingtoavoid.Theremainderofthischapterdetailsfourstepsforhelpingpeoplefacewhateverissuethey'vebeenavoiding:
1.Identifytheindividualfearsandsharedapprehensionsthattriggerconflictandalienation.
2.Helpthepartiesthemselveslearntorecognizeandeven
Page104
anticipatethatthoseapprehensionswillleadtoanotherroundof"herewegoagain,"unlesstheyconsciouslychoosetorespondmoreconstructively.
3.Helpthemlearntointerrupttheprocessofmutualbuttonpushingthattypicallyescalatestheirconflict.
4.Helpmemberscontinuetousetheirexistingwaysofmakingpeace(alreadyintheirrepertoires),reinforcingthemtousethosebehaviorssooner.
Let'sseehowthosestepsmighthelptheleadersofalargenonprofitorganization.
BarbandKarenwereamongthefoundersofGreensleevesmorethanadecadeago.Barbhasrecentlybeenelectedpresident,andKarencontinuesasfirstvicepresidentoftheorganization.Karendoesn'tliketheimperiouswayBarbhasbeguntoexerciseherauthority,andBarbregardsKarenasathreattoherpresidency,buttheyalsosharemanyconcernsandasensethatconflictbetweenthemcouldendangerthecohesivenessandequilibriumoftheirorganization.Adelicatebalancekeepsthemfunctioningtogether.Thatbalanceisupsetwhen,forexample,KarentakesoffenseataperceivedslightwithoutgivingBarbachancetorealizehowheractionaffectedKarenandtoclarifyhernonhostileintentions.Asotherofficersandboardmembersaredrawnin,bothwomenseeinoneanother'sreactionstheconfirmationoftheirworstfears.Theirseparateapprehensionsofoneanother,inotherwords,magnifyandrigidifyalldifferencesintheirpositions.Theirconcerns,desires,andviewsofrealityinteractinaconflict-escalatingway.
Soon,theescalatingconflicttriggersanxietyamongtheleadership.Thefearofwhatafull-blownbattlewouldmeantotheirrelationshiportotheorganizationasawholestopsthemfromgoingtoofar.OthersintervenebyremindingKarenandBarboftheirsharedmission.(TheymoveclockwisefromConflictPeakstoConflictSubsidesinFigure5-6.)Aspeacereturns,thoseotherleadersreinforceKaren'sandBarb'scooperativewordsand
actions.Allisharmonyagain.
Unfortunately,themistrustfulrivalrybetweenKarenandBarbwasn'taddressed.Thereforeassoonasitnolongerthreatensthe
Page105
Figure5-6.Thecycleofrecurringconflictasshownbythefoundersofanonprofitorganization.
organization,theylosetheirmotivetojoininsuppressingthatrivalry.Thepeacefulcoexistencerekindlestheirapprehensions:KarenthinksBarbissettingtheorganizationonadisastrouscourse;BarbthinksKarenistryingtousurpherpowerandprestige.Furthermore,bothshareafear(perhapssubconscious)thatifitweren'tfortheirpowerstruggle,somethingevenworsemighthappen.Lossofpassionamongtheleadership?Deviationfromthemoderatepoliciesthatresultfromtheirbalanceofforces?Whatevertheirsharedapprehensionmaybe,whenthingsgetuncomfortablyquiet,someoneignitesanotherroundofconflict,whichescalates,and"Theretheygoagain."Thustheirsocialsystem
Page106
maintainsanequilibrium,avoidschange,andevenavoidsthinkingaboutchange.
IdentifytheSharedFears
Wehavefilledinthechart,spendingplentyoftimeontheSharedFearsbox.The''Whatmighthappenif?"questionhelpedusdiscoverKaren'sandBarb'sindividualfearsandmisunderstandings,aswellassomesharedapprehensions.Whatwehavenowisatheory,whichmostoftheparticipantsseemtothinkhaspossiblevalidity.Butaretheleaders'apprehensionsrealistic?WouldKarentrytoundermineBarbifshewerelessvigilant?WouldBarbmodifylongstandingpolicieswithoutconsultingtheboard?
Ifpeopleagreethatthosearerealisticconcerns,thenwehaveredefinedtheproblem.GobacktoPlansBandC(Figure5-7).KarenandBarbhavebeenfightingforgoodreasons,andtheyaren'tgoingtostopuntilcircumstanceschange.
Ontheotherhand,iftheirmutualdistrustisunrealisticandtheirconflictunproductive,thentheyneedtowatchforthenexttimeitoccursandtrycommunicatingbetteratthefirstsignoftrouble(PlansCandA).
LearntoRecognizetheWarningSigns
IntheConflictIgnitesboxofFigure5-6(asin5-2,5-3,and5-5),thefacilitatorassemblesalistofgesturesandfeelingsthatfrequentlygetthesepeopleintotrouble.Theearliertheycanrecognizethose,thebettertheirchancesofinterruptingthecycle.
LearnWhat"Buttons"TypicallyEscalatetheConflict
Thechangeagentwhowillbeinthebestpositiontohighlightthissequenceandcoachpeopletoanticipatethecycleandredirectitistheonewhositswiththeminactualmeetingswheretheconflicthas
typicallyflared.Thatdoesn'thappenatretreatsthatemphasizeirrelevantexercises,suchasrope
Page107
Figure5-7.Afteranalyzingthecyclewhatnext?
coursesandartificialteamproblemsolving.Suchexercisespresentpersonalchallengestotheindividualmembers.Theymayalsogenerateinsightsaboutgroupprocessingeneralandevenelicitthegroup'shabitualsequenceofmiscommunicationandconflict;buttheydon'tcreateanopportunitytorevisethatsequenceasitappliestotheirnormalworkprocesses,sotheycantransferwhattheyarecoachedtodo,backintotheeverydaysetting.Withthelattergoalinmind,Istronglyrecommendwhetheryouarefacilitatingaretreatorconsultingattheteam'splaceofbusinesstohavethemconductrealmeetingsonrealtasks,ratherthansimulationexercises.
Page108
UsethePeacemakingInstinctsThatAreAlreadyintheSystem
Thefacilitatorasks"Whatmighthappenif?"theconflictbetweenBarbandKarenweretoescalatewithoutpacification.Helearnsthattheleadersshareacommitmenttomaintaintheorganization'spublicimage.Good.Thatisahealthymotive.
Whoarethegroupmemberswhotrytomakepeace?Cantheydosoearlier?Cantheybecomeagentsforpermanentinsteadoftemporarychange?Youcanthinkofthisasharnessingthesystem'shabitualwaysofreducingconflictwhenitgetsoutofhand.Youcanalsovisualizeitaspushingthoseconstructivehabitsback,counterclockwise,sothattheybecomepartoftheresponsetothesharedapprehensionsinthefirstplace.Formerly,certainwarningsignstriggeredconflict.Inthefuture,wewantthosesamewarningsignstotriggerconstructivecommunicationnottoavoidtheconflict,buttoreframeitassoonaspossible,asaproblemfortheteamtoattacktogether.
Letmeputthisconceptanotherway.WhatyouseeontheleftsideofFigure5-6isevidencethatthissystemhasinitsrepertoiretheskillswetalkedaboutinChapters2and3.Theproblemisthatthepeoplearen'tusedtomobilizingthoseskillsexceptwhentheirconflicthasescalatedintoaterrifyingcrisis.Ourjobistogetthemtoexercisethoseskillsbeforetheproblembecomesacrisis.
Thebestwaytobreakbadhabitsistobuildupthestrengthofotherhabitsthatareincompatiblewiththem.Obviouslyitiseasiertobuildstrengthsthatalreadyexistinthesystemthantointroducenewbehavior.Unfortunately,groupsthatareengagedinteambuildingtendtoconcentrateonwhatiswrongwiththeircurrentbehaviorandwhatislacking.Ittakesalittlemorecreativitytofocusontheirexistingstrengthsandthinkaboutamplifyingthem.Yetthatisactuallythemorepromisingapproach.
actuallythemorepromisingapproach.
1
Alongthesamelines,reviewthesectionJoiningtheResistanceinChapter4.Yourjobisnottogohead-to-headwithpeople'sfearoftakingrisks.Theirresistanceistoostrongforyoutotalkthemoutofitdirectly.Besuretheyknowthatyou
Page109
knowthey'vehadgoodreasonsformaintainingthecycleofsustainedconflictuptonow.Butforthosesamegoodreasonsyou'resupportingthemtotryamorepromisingapproach.
ReturningtotheProblem
NowtheteamtakesthoseinsightsbacktoPlanAandtriestoattacktherealproblemtogether.AsFigure5-7indicates,theymayrevisitPlansBandC,too.Mostofthepeoplewithwhomyouachieveinsightsabouttheirsustainedconflictcycleswillbepeoplewhosementalhealthisrelativelygoodandwhoaren'toverlydefensive.Nowtheyrealizethattheycantalkabouttheunthinkableorthattheirwholegroupsharesthesameworriesandacommitmenttoavoidthesamecatastrophes.Oftenthatisalltheyneedinordertobreaktheirgridlockandbegintogetthingsdone.
Don'tunderestimatethemotivationalpowerofyourmerelypointingoutwhatpeoplehavebeendoingandtellingthemitwillnotwork."Youcangoonforever,"yousay,"alternatingbetweenthebrinkofwarfareandthedepthsofdenial;therealproblemthatyou'vebeenavoidingwon'tgoaway."(ThisisanelaborationofwhatyoutoldtheminPlanC.)
However,itmaynotbethateasytogainthecommitmentofeveryoneconcerned,tochangetheirpattern.Evenwithsomeacknowledgmentofwhatleadstowhatintherecurringcycleoftheirconflict,supposesomeorallofthemembersstillmaintainthattheyarenotatfault.Itistheotherperson'sfault."YouwanttoknowwhatwouldhappenifIweretostopmakingthoseremarksortakingthoseevasiveactions?Thenshewould."
Checkthatoutwiththeotherperson.Ifthereplyis,"No,IpromiseIwon't;tryme,"that'sgreat.Cajolethenegativememberintogivingherachance.
Unfortunately,theaccusedmightreplyinstead,"Youbetthat'swhatI'ddo,becauseIknowyoualways."Pointingthefingerofblameandtherebyhandicappingherselfastheaccuser'shelplessvictim,sheisusingthelackofchangeinothersasanexcusefordancingtothesameoldtune.Oncethe
Page110
grouphasidentifiedmoreadaptivewaystofunction,everyonemustdecidewhoneedstochangewhichbehaviortomakeitbetter.Soyoureturntotheexercise"springingthefingertrap"(Chapter4)andgeteveryonetolookatthemselvesinsteadofwaitingforotherstomakethefirstmoves.
Theexamplesinthischapterhaveassumedaninterviewerorfacilitatorwhoisn'tadirectpartytotheconflict(exceptTedbutevenhethoughtatfirsthewasonlymediatingadisputebetweenRonandCathy).Itisalwayshardertoseepatternswhenyouareimmersedinthem.However,youcanusethesetechniquestodiagramandalterasustainedconflictcycleinyourownrelationships.Andyoucanusetheinformationgainedthereby,topushtheconstructiveprocessesbackintimeuntiltheydisplacethehabitualbuttonpushingandflamefanning.
Let'ssayyouaretheenlightenedmemberofaconflictivesystem;unfortunately,theonlyenlightenedmember.Ifyougetnowhere,shouldyougiveup?NotuntilaftertryingPlanE,unilateralchangeotherwiseknownasleadership.
Note
1.Foranextendeddiscussionofthisandothertopicsthatareonlytoucheduponintheremainingchaptersofthisbook,seeEdgarSchein,OrganizationalCultureandLeadership,2nded.(SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass,1992).
Page111
6PlanE:UnilaterallyDemonstrateChangeSupposetheothermembersofyourgrouparen'twillingtochange.Theremaybeoneparticularpersonyoucan'tseemtoworkwithandcan'tdoanythingabout.Orperhapsyourwholegroupkeepsbuttingheads.Someofthemhaveoutrightrefusedtochange.Othersgavelipservicetoadesiretoimproveteamwork,and,inresponsetopeerpressure,acknowledgedtheirowncontributionstotheproblem.Theyexpressedawillingnessto"try"tochangewhateverpartoftheinteractionisundertheircontrol,butsomehowthatneverhappened.Theyarewaitingforotherpeopletochangefirst.
Everythingwe'vesaidthusfarindicatesthatittakesgeneralgoodwillandcooperationtochangeanorganizationfromaproblem-maintainingsystemintoaproblem-solvingsystem.Nonetheless,asingleindividualcandomuchtostimulatepositivechangewithinanorganization.Andthatdoesn'tjustapplytothosewhoarecurrentlyinleadershippositions.Infact,PlanEcanbeaneffectivewaytoincreaseone'sinfluenceandstatuswithintheorganization.
Brucewasoneoffourvicepresidentsreportingtoaseniorvicepresidentatalargeinternationalcorporation.HisbossreportedtothepresidentoftheNorthAmericandivision.Figure6-1(tophalf)showsthefunctionalorganizationofthosepeopleBrucedealtwithdirectly,soonafteramajorchangeintheirbusinessvisionandthefiringofaseniorvicepresident(positionC).
Therapidityofchangeinthiscompanyhadstirredupconsiderablefear,internalcompetitiveness,turfism,andresistanceto
Page112
Figure6-1.FunctionalorganizationofBruce'scorporation.
Page113
furtherchange.ThetwoindividualswhooccupiedpositionsAandB,distrustfulandantagonistictowardoneanother,didn'tcommunicatewell.ThesevenpeopleatBruce'sleveldidn'tfunctionasteamsbecause,inadditiontotheanxietythatpervadedthewholeorganization,someofthemwerejockeyingforpositionC.
Sixmonthslater,Brucewaspromotedtothatposition,alsoretaininghisownteam(oneofwhombecameavicepresident)andanothergroupwhichhadpreviouslyreportedtoB(seebottomhalfofFigure6-1).Heattributedthissuccesstohisone-mancampaignforteamwork.
IhadanopportunitytointerviewBruceinthecourseofasubsequentteam-buildingassignmentforhiscompany.ItcameasnosurprisetolearnthatBrucehadessentiallybeenapplyingPlanE.Basedonsoundmanagementpractices,goodpeopleskills,andconsiderablereading,hehadappliedthefollowingprinciples:
[]
"Iwroteoutmyphilosophyofteamwork,basicallythatItakeresponsibilityfordoingmyjobinthewaythatanticipateseveryoneelse'sneedsforinformationorinvolvementorwhateveranddoesn'tslowanyoneelsedown.Ishowedittothepeoplewhoreportedtome,butmainlyIjustreferredtoitmyselfwhendecidinghowIwasgoingtohandlesomething.[]"ItoldpeopleinadvancehowIwasgoingtomakeadecisionorwhatever,andthenIalmostalwaysdiditthewayIsaidIwouldorIgotbacktothemanddiscussedthechange.So,evenifotherswereplayinggameswitheachother,Istayedoutintheopen:nosurprises.[]"Idon'texpectotherstobeperfectteamplayers,soIdidn'toverreacttopettystuff.Imightexpressdisappointmentinsomeone'slackofcooperationorwhatseemedliketrouble-making,butIdidn'tdwellonthenegative.[]"Ididn'tlectureanyoneelseonteamwork.Otherthantellingmyownpeoplehowweweregoingtorelatetoeveryoneelse,Ijustpracticedwithoutpreaching.
[]"Wheneverpossible,ItriedtoanticipateinadvancehowIwouldprobablyfeelpulledintoinfightingorturfism.Being
Page114
prepared,Iwasusuallyabletoputasidetheinstinctivereactionandstickwithmyprogram."
Theresult:Managersabove,below,andonaparwithBrucelearnedthattheycouldtrusthimtodealstraightwiththem.Therivalrydidn'tstopwithhispromotioninfact,heencounteredsomeresentmentonthepartofeveryoneonthechart,exceptthepresidentandMbutthenhejustcontinuedtoimplementhisunilateralplan."Youdon'thavetochange,"hisbehaviorimplied."I'mgoingtoplaylikeateammateofyours,regardless."
Themorepowerfulanindividualisattheoutset,obviously,thefasterheorshecanmotivatethewholesystemtochange;yetitisalsotrueforanyoneatanyleveloftheorganizationthatleadingitstransformationintoaproblem-solvingsystemcanbeapathtogreaterinfluenceandpower.
"Ialoneamnotpowerfulenoughtochangethissystem.ButI'mnotitsvictim;Icontrolhowthesystemaffectsme,howIpresentmyselftoothers,andwhetherIcontinuetoworkintheorganizationornot."Canonepersonchangeasystem?Notalone,butchangehastostartwithsomeone.Moretothepoint,evenifthesystemismorepowerfulthanyoualone,youdon'thavetobeitsvictim.Youcontrolhowyourespondtothesystem,howyoupresentyourselftoothers,andwhetheryoucontinuetoworkintheorganization.Thosedegreesofcontrolareoftenenoughtoinfluenceothermembers'attitudestowardpositivechanges;butwhentheydon't,youhaven'tlostanything.
TheDisarmingEffectofUnilateralDisarmament
Inthissection,we'llassumethatthedisputeyou'remostconcernedaboutisoneinwhichyouareacombatantor,asyouseeit,atargetofhostility.Naturallyyoufeeltheotherpartiesaretheaggressorsandyou
hostility.Naturallyyoufeeltheotherpartiesaretheaggressorsandyouaremerelyprotectingyourself.The
Page115
lastthingthatwouldcomenaturallytoyouunderthosecircumstanceswouldbetogiveupyourcounteroffensiveweapons.Thethoughtofunilateraldisarmamentalwaysraisesfears;youdon'twanttoleaveyourselfvulnerabletoattack.Butrememberthattheotherpartyismotivatedbyfear,too.Whenyoubecomelessthreatening,youwillhavelesstofear.
Pat,aproductionmanager,andHenry,customerservicesmanager,havealong-standingfeud.Theirbosstellsthemtocutitoutandgrowup;he'sfedupwithbothofthem.Patdecidestotryunilateraldisarmament.
"Henry,"shesaysoverlunch(hertreatandshesaysthisnolaterthanimmediatelyafterthewaitertakestheirorder),"IwanttospeakmorefranklyandlessdefensivelythanI'veeverdonebefore.IhavedecidedtotakeresponsibilityforanythingandeverythingIcanpossiblydotomakeourworkingrelationshipproductive."ThenshegoesontoexplorewithHenrywhatthatmightmean,unconditionally.
Therearewaystodisarmoneselfdramaticallywhilereducingtherisks,nomatterhowaggressiveyouropponentmaybe:
[]
Telltheworldwhattoexpectfromyou.Thenbesureyourbehaviorisconsistentwiththoseexpectations.Nosurprises.
[]Referonlytoyourownbehavior,avoidingthetemptationtodwellonthe(formerly)problematicbehaviorofothers.Letbygonesbebygones.(ThisprincipleisconsistentwithPlanA,focusinguponthesharedgoalsratherthanthedifferences.)[]Don'tdemandinstantappreciationandpaybackforeverypositivemoveyoumake.Expectalagbeforeothers'perceptionscatchupwithreality.(ThiscorrespondstothePOVunderstandingofPlanB.)[]Bepreparedtoappreciateeventinymovesintherightdirection(aswedoinPlanC);don'tminimizethem.[Thinkaboutthesystem'sreasonsforresistance,andprovide
]healthiermeanstomaintainequilibrium(PlanD).
Page116
TheManagerasReferee
Nowlet'slookatadifferentsituation,oneinwhichyouaren'toneofthedisputants.Youaretheirmanager.Twopeoplewhoreporttoyoukeepcomingtoyouwiththeircomplaintsaboutoneanother.YouareinthepositionofTed,thecompanypresidentIdiscussedinChapter5(Figure5-4),whosecontrollerandvicepresidentareatwarwitheachother.
TedhastriedeverythinghecanthinkoftogetCathyandRontoworktogethermoreconstructivelyexceptrealizingthatheownsthewholeproblem!Whateverhehasbeendoinglisteningpatiently,shuttlediplomacy,tellingthemboththey'rerightabouttheother'sdefectshasbeenmaintainingtheproblem.Insteadoftryingtomakenicetothem(themorehedoesso,themoretroubletheyhavewitheachother),whatwouldhappenifhedidexactlytheopposite:madelifeimpossibleforbothofthemuntiltheysolvedtheproblem?
Hesays,''CathywillquitifIstanduptoheronthismatter.Ican'taffordthat;she'sindispensable."
Therearetwofaultswiththatreasoning;Oneisthatyoucan'taffordtokeepanemployeewhohasyouoverthatkindofbarrel.Furthermore,shewon'tquit.Infact,bothpeoplewillbegratefulthatyoubroketheircycleofconflict.Butyouhavetodoitasoutlinedabove,notjust"StopfightingorI'llpunishbothofyou."Howaboutaskingthetwoofthemtoprepareajointmemo,whichtheybothhavetosign,addressingonlythosethingstheyagreethatyouneedtochangeaboutyourownmanagerialstyle.However,thiswillonlyworkifyou(a)requirethemtodothistaskforyouand(b)respondsincerelyandvisiblytotheirlistofrequestedchanges.
Teddoesn'tthinkforaminutehe'sthewholeproblemoreventhebiggestproblem.Cathyisdefensive,neverwrong,hostile.Roniscontemptuousofher,andsexist,andhaspoisonedthebranchadministratorsagainsther,
contrarytoTed'sorders.Butnoneofthathaschanged,soTedaskshimselfandthemwhathecandounilaterally.Hecanseethathe'sbeentooconciliatoryandsupportive
Page117
ofeachofthemandknowsit'struethathehastriedtoavoidconflictbyallowingagreatdealofvaguenessinhowhe'sdefinedCathy'sjob.Soheaddresseshimselftothat,lettingthemknowwhathe'sdoingandthathe'llexpectthemtoeliminatetheproblemoncehetakescareofhisendofit.
TheVolunteerPeacemaker:RisksandRewards
Theothersituationinwhichyoumightactaloneoccurswhennooneelseiswillingtotaketheleadinhelpingsomemembersofyourorganizationbreakthecycleofchronicconflict.Youmaybeahumanresourcesmanager,calledinwhenthelinemanagershavethrownuptheirhandsindespair.Oryoumaybealinemanager:Yourdirectreportasksforhelp,forexample,withsomeoneintheorganizationwho'snotsubordinatetoyou.
Therisksinsuchsituationsaretwo.Oneisthatyouputyourselfintothemiddleofsomethingthatformerly"didn'tinvolveyou"(thoughofcourseitreallydoeshaveanimpactoneveryoneinthesystem).Thesecondriskisthatanythingthatupsetsanequilibriummightcauseevengreaterdamage.
Sohowcanyoureducetherisks?
[]
Makeyourmandateexplicit.Discusswithallsidestheprosandconsofyourgettinginvolved.Howwillitaffecttheirrelationshipswithyou?Whendoesyourinvolvementend?Cananyoftheparties(includingyourself)terminateyourinvolvementbeforethatendisreached?How?[]Beprepared.Whatmaneuverscanyouexpectonthebasisofpeople'spastbehavior?Howwillyouhandlethosemoves?Whatmightupsettheirfragileequilibrium?Howwillyourespondtothat?[]Prepareothers:"Wearen'teliminatingyourconflict;we'rejusttryingtohelpyouhandleitalittlemoreconstructivelyinthefuture.It'sinevitablethatproblemswillcontinuetoariseasweworkonthis.Howwillwedealwiththem?"
Page118
Althoughitisimportanttobemindfulofthoserisks,thepotentialrewardsofpeacemakingaregreater.Onlyoneofthoseisthestakeyouhaveinimprovedrelationshipsandbetterteamworkinyourorganization.Anotheristhefactthatwhateverrealproblemswerebeingavoidedthroughthatconstantorperiodicsideshowarenowgoingtobeaddressedforthefirsttimeinastraightforwardway.Finally,thereistheimportantfactthattheorganizationmembers,includingyourself,nowrecognizeyouasaleader.
Page119
7NowWeAreAConflict-ResolvingSystemOuraspirationsarehigherthanmerelysolvingtoday'sspecificproblem.Evenifyoucametothissystemhopingnomorethantodealwithaspecificcrisis,thepayoffforyourorganizationshouldconsistofasignificantchangeinthewayitsmembersviewthemselves.It'sworthgivinganametotheirnewlyrecognizedcapabilities:Conflict-ResolvingSystem(CRS),whichtheycannowapplytowhateverfuturechallengesdemandexcellenceincommunicatingandinfacilitatingoneanother'swork.
Asahumanresourcesmanagerforalargecorporation,youoverseecompensation,benefits,training,andrecruitingforplantsinthreeCanadianprovinces.Youron-sitehumanresourcessupervisoratoneofthosesiteshasaproblemmediatingadisputebetweenhisnewplantmanager,Karen,andherpurchasingmanager,Marco.ThelatterhappenstohavebeenpassedoverforpromotionwhenKarenwashired(thoughhedeniesthisisanissue).Theyarebarelyonspeakingterms,letaloneworkingwelltogether.Youarrive,liketheexpertyouare,toresolvetheirconflict.
Whatisyourgoal?
a.Tobringouttheirhumanityandmakethemkinder,gentler,morefulfilledpeople?
b.Toimprovetheirperformanceasabusinessteam?c.Totraintheminbettercommunicationskillssoyoudon'thavetoreturntomediatetheirnextdispute?
Page120
d.Totraintheirhumanresourcesmanagersohecanbemoresuccessfulwiththeseandallotheremployees?
e.Tochangethecultureoftheirplant,yourwholeregion,andultimatelytheentirecorporationsothatinterpersonalproblemsareresolvedasquicklyandeffectivelyaspossible?
f. Tomaketheexpectationthat"wearegoodatresolvingconflicts"akeyelementintheconfidenceandpridewithwhichteamsregardthemselvesthroughoutyourcompanypartofwhattheyseeastheircompetitiveedgeandonereasontheychoosetoworkhere?
Theanswer:alloftheabove.Ifyouchoseb,youwerethinkingonlyofyourprimarygoal.Butaisprobablynotincompatiblewiththat;whynotbothaandb?
Youmightconsiderthenexttwoanswers,candd,goodsecondarygoals:toimprovethedisputants'communicationskillsandmaketheirstaffsupportpersonabetterconflictresolver.Ifyoucanmoveinthedirectionofcanddwhileachievingb,somuchthebetter.Butaretheyonlysecondarygoals?Thinkaboutit.ItisKaren'sandMarco'scurrentdisputethatissecondary:anacutesymptomofaproblemthatwillrecurifyoumerelytreatthesymptom.Isitworthyourgoinginjusttoputoutthatfire(goalsaandb)?Orshouldyoubethereprimarilytomakeasafetyinspectionandtrainthelocalfirestation(goalscandd)?Ingeneral,doesn'tabusinessorganizationneedtovieweverysignificantproblemasapossiblerecurringsituationandthereforeacaseforcontinuousprocessimprovement?Thecompanythatmerelysolvesoneproblemafteranother,casebycase,withoutimprovingitsprocessfordoingsoineffect,withoutalearningcurveisacompanythatfailstocompeteovertime.Thisisnolesstrueinthearenaofinternalcommunicationsthaninmanufacturing,marketing,orfinance.
Thatbringsustoeandf,goalsthatmightstrikesomereadersasgrandiose.Iwouldarguethatathroughdaremerelynecessaryroutineprocessesinrunninganyorganization.Anycompanythatjuststaysalivewillbeaddressingthosegoalscontinuously.Toaddressthemprovidesnocompetitiveadvantage,
Page121
Onlywhenyoucaninfluenceyourorganizationalculture(e),andparticularlywhenmembersoftheorganizationconsciouslyregardtheirteamworkasapositiveelementintheiridentity(f),doesitcontributesustainableadvantagetoyourcompany.
Thischaptershowshowtoleveragethesystematicproblem-solvingprocesseswehaveoutlinedthusfar,sotheorganizationbecomesnotconflictfree(whichneverhappens,andwewouldn'twantit)butconflicttranscendent.Justastotalqualitymanagement(TQM)isaconstant,ongoingprocesswithregardtoacompany'sinputsandoutputs,CRSisaconstantaspectofexcellencewithregardtothewayacompany'shumanresourcesworktogether.
CRSasaKeyElementofTeamBuilding
Teambuildingisamultifacetedprocess(Figure7-1).OnlyonefacetisLeadership,thepersonalqualitiesandmanagementstyleofwhoeverbuildsandheadsyourteam.UndertheheadingofOrganizationitincludesfindingthemostproductive
Figure7-1.Facetsofteambuilding.
Page122
structure,jobdescriptions,andreportingrelationships.UndertheheadingPersonnelitincludesrecruitment,compensation,promotions,andemployeedevelopment:gettingthebestpeopleintherightjobswitheffectiveincentives.AndundertheheadingCultureitincludesalltheexpectationsmembershaveaboutappropriateattitudesandmodesofbehaviorinyourorganization.Somewherespanningallfourofthosefacetsisyoursystemofresolvingconflictsandmaintainingeffectiveinternalcommunications.
Is"High-PerformanceTeamwork"anOxymoron?
Asorganizationsmoveawayfromhierarchical,disciplinedcultureswithclearboundariesaroundfunctionandauthority,themanagementliteratureencouragestheirleaderstomovethemintwocontradictorydirections.Onedirectionistowardgreaterindividualresponsibilityandaccountabilityforperformance.Theotherdirectionistowardmore"systems"conceptssuchaslearningculturesandflexibleboundarymanagement.Thosedirectionsareoppositetooneanotherinthatthefirstpromotesmorecompetitionamongindividualstoprovetheirworthtotheorganization,whereasthesecondemphasizesmoretrustandfocusesaccountabilitymoreontheteamthantheindividual.Sotheexpertsseemtobepointingtowardguaranteedconflict.
Thechallengeoforganizationalleadershiptodayistosetabalancedcourse,capturingtheadvantageswhileminimizingthedisadvantagesofboththosetrends(andnottocompletelyabandonthecontroladvantagesoftheold-fashionedhierarchicalculture,either).Buttherightbalanceforeachcompanydependsuponitsleaders'analysisoftheirbusiness,theirsharedvision,andtheirlong-termgoalsandstrategies.
Imagineatriangleeachofwhosecornersisaterriblewaytoorganizeemployees(Figure7-2).Atonecorneristheextremelyhierarchical,
well-trained,anddisciplinedmilitaryorganizationwhosetroopsstandatattentioninthetropicalsununtiltheydrop.Whenonesoldiercollapses,theothersstayatattention,eyesstraightahead.
LabelthatcornerMaximumControl.
Page123
Figure7-2.Findingthebalancepoint.
Anothercornerisindividualism:eachmanorwomananisland,allrelationshipscompetitive,self-serving,andtransitory,everyoneoutforthealmightySelf.Thinkofanadvertisingagencyorlawfirmwhereeverypartnerisaprimadonna,orconsideranOlympicgymnastic"team."Americansocietywasfounded,inpart,onthemythofindividualism,whichcansometimesgotoofar.Businessorganizationsareoftenviewedasanti-individualist,butsomewidespreadpracticesfallnearthe"everyoneoutforthemselves"corner:theuseoftemporaryworkersascommoditylabor,forexample,orthemanagementstyleofpittingone'ssubordinatesagainsteachotherinabattleforfavorandsurvival.
LabelthatcornerMaximumInternalCompetition.
Themodelforthethirdcornerisamutuallysupportivefamilynotnecessarilywellfunctioning,butwithahighdegreeoftrustinoneanother'sloyalty.Habituallyenmeshedinoneanother'saffairs,theirbehaviorcouldn'tbemoredifferentfromthesoldiersatattention.
Whenonemembersneezes,businessstopswhileeveryonehandshimatissue.
Page124
LabelthatcornerMaximumTrustandInternalSupport.(Ofcourse,thisdoesn'tmeantheireffortsarenecessarilyeffectiveorevenconstructive.)
Thosethreemodelsmerelyanchorthetriangle.Yourcompanyissomewhereinsidethatspace.Whereisitactually?Whereshoulditbeideally?
TheMaximumControlcorner,thoughhistoricallyeffectiveinwinningwars,iscertainlynotwhatmanagementexpertsandbusinessleadersadvocatetoday.Astheyemphasizegrouplearning,teambuilding,communications,flexibleboundarymanagement,andparticipativeculturalchange,theychallengemanagerstomoveawayfromthemilitarymodeltowardwhat?Increasingdemandsforaccountability,performance-basedcompensationandincentives,andatoneofintensecompetitiveness(internalaswellasexternal)suggesttheindividualistcorner.
Atthesametime,thecurrentliteratureisfulloftwohotideasfromsocialsystemstheorythatseemtosuggestenmeshment:theboundarylessorganizationandthelearningorganization.Withthephraseteambuildingaspopulartodayasfamilyvalues,individualismlookslikethewaveofthepast.Whataretheimplicationsofmorelateralcommunications;overlappingfunctions;sharedinitiatives,decisions,andaccountability?Shouldabusinessbe"onebigfamily"afterall?
Thenewliteraturesaysyes,inaway:Greaterconsciousnessoforganizationsassystemsandbetteruseofthelearningpowerofteamsmustmeanacquiringtheabilitytomanagepeoplewhohavepowerfulandemotionallysignificantrelationshipswithoneanother.Doesthatmeanstockingupontissues?No.Noonesuggeststhatthecornerzoneisdesirable.We'renottalkingaboutgoingsofarastotakeontheproblemsoffamilylife.
Orarewe?
Theneworganizationrequiresmanagersandtheirsubordinatestolivewithouttheclearboundariesofhierarchy,function,andgeographytheyknewinthepast.Inplaceofthosecomeinvisible,flexible,permeableboundaries,describedinaHarvardBusinessReviewarticleas"morepsychologicalthan
Page125
organizational.Theyaren'tdrawnonacompany'sorganizationalchartbutinthemindsofitsmanagersandemployees.Knowinghowtorecognizethesenewboundariesandusethemproductivelyistheessenceofmanagementintheflexibleorganization."
1Theonlyguidepoststhroughthathyperspace,theauthorstellus,aremanagers'"owngutfeelingsaboutworkandthepeoplewithwhomtheydoit."
Thatisterrifying.Itmeansmoreuncertainty,muchmoreriskofconflict.Livewithit,saytheexperts.
Thenalongcomesanothergroupofexpertswritingabout"thelearningorganization."2Putasidetheleader'svision,transmitteddownthroughtheranks.Thetrulyvisionaryleaderisonewhounderstandsthelimitsofhisorherownvisionwellenoughtoempowerotherstoperpetuallycreate,question,andrenewtheirsharedunderstandingofwhattheirchangingenvironmentdemandsofthem.
Organizationsneedtobecomeevermorecapableoflearninghowtoworkevermoreinterdependentlyonprojectstheymustconstantlyredesign.AlthougheducationalphilosopherJohnDeweystressedthesamepointnearlyonehundredyearsago,itisonlytherecentspreadofsystemsthinkingthathasbroughtthelearningphilosophyintomanagementtheory,intotheannualreportsandspeechesofCEOsaroundtheworld,intothepracticesofsuccessionplanningconsultants.Wecannotselectthenextgenerationofleadersonthebasisofwhattheyalreadyknowhowtodo.Wecannotevenselectthemforwhattheyarecapableoflearning.Weneedmanagerswhocanleadtheirteamsandtheirorganizationstobecomeevermorecapableoflearninghowtoworkevermoreinterdependentlyonprojectstheymustconstantlyredesign.
Terrifying.Exciting,yes,andchallenging,butthegreaterpotentialforconflictsisobvious.The"learningculture"isasfullofuncertaintyandriskasisthe"boundarylessorganization."
Page126
BoundaryManagement
Manyfactorsintoday'sbusinessenvironmentdictatelessbureaucratic,moreflexible,team-orientedmanagement.Thedaysarepastwhenyoucouldminimizeconflictbyminimizingcontact;thatis,byerectingorganizationalboundaries.
Ontheotherhand,youcan'tsimplythrowoutalldistinctionsofauthority,function,referencegroup,andknowledge.Nordoyouwanttoeliminateallcompetitionamongunitswithintheorganization;onlythewastefulordestructiveinfighting.Boundarieswillstillexist,butnowmanagersmustartfullybalancetheefficiencyofautonomousteamswiththeinformationalpowerofnetworks.
Thisproblemofmanagingboundariesflexiblyisinseparablefromtheproblemofinterpersonalconflictinorganizations.Conflictmaybearesultofinadequateboundaries,butitcanalsoleadtodysfunctionallyrigidones.Putanotherway,''goodfencesmakegoodneighbors"butbadneighborssometimeserectwalls.Sothebestdisputeresolutionisreallymaintenanceworkonthosefencesandonthestilesthatallowhumanbeingsbutnotbeaststocrossthem.Itgoesalongwaytowardcreatingahealthybalancebetweenstructureandflexibility.
ControllingtheCostsandRisksofaPerformanceCulturevs.aLearningCulture
OneoftheadvantagesofCRSisthatitisjustasmuchameansofreducingexcessiveloyaltyandenmeshment(avoidingthelowerrightcornerofFigure7-2)asitisameansofreducingexcessiveconflictandinternalcompetition(avoidingthelowerleftcorner).Allofthesystematicsequenceofinterventions,fromgoalsortingtoactivelistening,toclarifyingandvaluingdifferences,toanalyzingtheproblemmaintenancecycle,areaimedatbringingtheteambacktoabalancedcourse.
Thehotconcepts"flexibleboundaries"and"learningcultures"arebothtrendsawayfromunrealisticattemptstoover-organizeandovercontrolfromthetop.Thequestionishowfartomoveinthatdirectionwithoutlosingindividualaccountabilityforcontributingtoprofitability.
Page127
Truehighperformanceisn'tanextreme,it'sabalance.Ifcorporationsadvocatemoreflexibilityinpeople'sroles,moreopennesstochange,andmoretrustinteamstoredefinetheirtasksconstantly,theymustplanhowtogetthehighperformanceteamworkwithouttheexcessiveinternalcompetitionandpotentiallydestructiveconflict.Thebestteambuildingdoesn'tproduceconflict-freeteamwork.Theteamwillconstantlybenefitfrom,andtranscend,conflict.Ideally,theteamundergoesalearningcurveinitsabilitytoresolveconflictingideasandapproaches.
Theneedtorewardhigh-performingindividualsandreplaceunderperformersmightappearcompatiblewiththeideaofteams.Simplyshifttheperformancecriteriafromindividualtogroupperformanceobjectivesandcomposetheteamsofhighachieversinthefirstplace.Butupondeeperreflection,andinpractice,thereareatleasttwoproblemswiththatsolution.Oneisthatindividualswithatrackrecordofoutstandingachievement,inorganizationsorinrolesthatdon'trequiremuchteamwork,don'talwaysmakeoutstandingteammembers.Theotherproblemisthateventalentedandmotivatedpeopletaketimetolearntocommunicatewellandtofacilitateoneanother'sperformance.Anorganizationalculturewithlowtoleranceforthegradualpaceofhumandevelopmentwilltendtokeepchangingtheplayersandthusmayneverachievethelevelofteamworktheyarecapableof.
WhenIexplainedtothehumanresourcesvicepresidentofalargepubliccompanyhowitscontentiousdivisionpresidentswerelikefeudingsiblingsinafamilybusiness,hequicklypointedout,"Butwe'renotafamily.Ourcultureemphasizesthatifthelinebackerisn'tdoinghisjob,he'sofftheteamandwe'llgetanewlinebacker."Hedidn'tthinkaknowledgeofsocialsystemsbasedonthedynamicsoffamilieswouldapplytoteamsofunrelatedindividuals.Myreply,and
theconclusionofthisbook,isthataneffectiveteamcombinesboththebestfeaturesofsuccessfulfamiliesandthecarrot-and-stick(or,tobeprecise,thecarrot-and-ax)accountabilityfoundinanycompetitivebusiness.It'sabalancingact.
Page128
Thecultureofteamworktakesamoresophisticatedviewof"nonperformance"andencouragessharedresponsibilityforturningitaround(uptoapoint,ofcourse).
Teamworkisn'tanextreme.It,too,isabalance.Itdoesnotmean"allforoneandoneforall."Itmeanstakingadvantageoftheabilitytocommunicatelaterally,changingfunctionalrolesassituationsrequire,sharingresponsibilityandaccountability.However,atthesametime,itcanholdindividualsevenmoreresponsibleforfacilitatingthegroup'smission,andevenmoreaccountabletooneanotherandtheorganization,thaninahierarchicalculturewithfunctionalautonomy(whichsuffersfromthe"Notmyjob"syndrome).
MakingCRSaBigDeal
Let'sassumeyoudecidetolaunchaprogramspecificallyunderanamelikeCRS.Whatyoucallitisnotimportant.AcompanycalledTelebuxmightlaunchTACT,theTelebuxAnti-ConflictTeamworkprogram;onecalledKaiser,KCRS,theKaiserConflict-ResolvingSystem;andsoon.Theonlypointofgivingitanameandacronymorabbreviationistocallattentiontoyourprogramtoleverageitformaximumpossiblebenefit.
Moreimportantthanwhatyoucallitarethefollowingpoints:
[]
Alldisputesarenowconstructivelyresolvable.Makeitcleartoeveryoneintheorganizationthatyounowhavesystematicconflictresolutionprocedures.Disputesaren'tlefttochance,ortothecatch-as-catch-canskillsandinstitutionsthatindividualmanagershappentohaveacquiredinthecourseoftheirpersonalgrowth.[]Whoownsthechanges?IfandwhenCRSbecomespartofyourorganization'sculture,itwillbebecauseofmanypeople'seffortsinformalmeetingsandinformaldiscussionsoveraperiod
Page129
ofmonths.It'simportantthattheleadersbosses,groupleaders,orconsultantsshouldn'ttakemuchcreditforthechange.Ifithappened,ithappenedbecauseoftheparticipantsthemselves;andmakingthatloudandclearismuchmorethanjustacourtesy.It'sabsolutelyessentialforthemembersthemselvestoknowtheyweretheoneswhosolvedtheproblem.Theyshouldbeproudofhavingachievedit,ratherthanviewingitassomethingdonetothem.Why?Becausetheymustbelievetheycanapplythesameskillstootherconflictsinthefuture.[]PublicizingCRSasapermanentasset.Whenyougobeyondtryingtoresolveaparticularissueandintroduceaformalprogramtobringthissystemtoyourorganization,thenewsbelongsinyourcompany'snewsletterandonplaquesonpeople'swalls.Ifyouholdaretreattoworkonthesematters,youmightcommemorateitwithasuitableembossedgiftforeachparticipant.ThepointofallsuchgesturesistokeepreiteratingthatCRSisoneattributeofouridentityasanorganizationofwhichwearedeservedlyproud.[]Extendingthesystem.Wehavestressedthatwithin-organizationdisputesarefundamentallydifferentfromdisputesbetweenunrelatedparties.Butwhereistheboundaryaroundyour"organization"?Yourenterpriseasawholeinvolvescustomers,vendors(includingconsultants),shareholders,lenders,government.Hencea"within-organization"problem-solvingsystemextendstorelationshipswiththosewhoformerlymighthavebeenconsidered"others."Inthesamewaythatqualitycontrolispartofalliancebuildingwithyourextendedenterprisepartners,CRSisakeyassetinyourstrategicalliancesandingainingandholdingcompetitiveadvantage.
Conclusions:TheChallengeofWorkingTogether
Asawayoforganizingyourmethodsforresolvingdisputesandfacilitatingteamwork,anyonewhohasteam-buildingresponsibilitiescanusesystematicconflictresolution.However,
canusesystematicconflictresolution.However,
Page130
forittoplayasupportingroleinthegreatersystemtheorganizationalculturedependsuponsomepriorsteps.
Thechallengeoforganizationalleadershiptodayistosetabalancedcoursebetweencompetitiveelementsofculturesuchasperformancereviewsandaccountability,andtrust-basedelementssuchasboundaryspanningandthelearningorganization.Teamworkandhighperformancebothdemandthatbalance,sotheideaof"high-performanceteamwork"isnotanoxymoron.However,thelocationofthebestbalanceforaparticularorganizationhowmuchcontrol,howmuchemphasisonperformance,howmuchtrustandsupportforpeoplewilldependonthatorganization'slong-termgoalsandstrategies.
Thecultureofteamworktakesasophisticatedviewof"nonperformance,"recognizesthattalentedandmotivatedpeopletaketimetolearntoworktogether,andencouragessharedresponsibilityforthatlearning.HenceCRSisanindispensabletoolfortheorganizationwhoseleadersdeterminetofindandmaintaintheiroptimalbalancebetweeninternalcompetitionandcooperation.However,forthistobeusefulasawholesystem,aspartoftheorganization'sculture,thestrategicplanmusthaveaddressednotjustmarkets,products,finance,andgrowthquestions,butalsoquestionsabouthowpeoplearegoingtoworktogether.Towhatextentwilltheirperformanceevaluationsreflectteamwork?Aretheteamsthemselves,theactualworkinggroupsandcross-functionplanninggroups,incompetitionwithoneanotherwithinthecompanyasawhole?Oristheorganizationitselfateamofteams?
Althoughtheanswerstosuchquestionsarebeyondthedomainofthisbook,youwillneedtoaddressthempriortothequestionofwhetherCRSshouldbeanexplicitpartofyourculture.
Consultantscanguidethelearningculture,theboundary-permeating
process,andthetransitiontonewleadership,buttheycanneverbethesourceofanyofthosethreethings.Thecultureitselfmustsupportacommitmenttolearningandabalancebetweenfunctionalresponsibilitiesandopencommunication.Thathappensonlyinanorganizationwhoseleadersactivelycommitthemselvestoit.
Page131
Notes
1.LarryHirschhornandThomasGilmore,"TheNewBoundariesofthe'Boundaryless'Company,"HarvardBusinessReview,MayJune1992(Vol.70,No.3),pp.104115.
2.PeterSenge,TheFifthDiscipline(NewYork:Doubleday,1991);D.N.Michael,OnLearningtoPlanAndPlanningtoLearn(SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass,1985);EdgarSchein,OrganizationalCultureandLeadership,2ded.(SanFrancisco:Jossey-Bass,1992).
Page133
8Summary:TheSystemAppliedThischapterhastwopurposes:tosummarizethesystemforinterpersonalproblemsolvingandtoprovideareferenceguideforapplyingthesystemtospecificproblems.
Figure1-1,theflowchartIintroducedinChapter1asamapofthebook,isnowasetofrulesofengagementtocarryinyourheadwhenyoumarchintothebattle.PlansA,B,C,D,andEcomposealogicalsequence:
Agreementandsharedgoals:Focusonthesefirst,andkeepcomingbacktothem.
But,westillhavedifferences.Clarifythem,valuethem,sortoutthosethatyoucaneliminateinvariousways.
Commitpeopletochange.
Diagramthechroniccycleofsustainedconflict.Havetheybeenfightingtogethertoavoidtalkingaboutimportantissues?
Excel,personally:Ifotherswon'tbudge,whatcanyoudounilaterally?
Thissequencebeginswiththesimplestapproachtoawin/winresolution,thenaddsmore-challengingapproachesonlyastheyareneeded(Figure1-1).Butthereisnothingrigidaboutthatsequence,nolimittothenumberoftimesyoumightreturntoanapproacheitherbeforeoraftermovingon.Mymentorinsystematicconflictresolution,ProfessorWilliamPinsof,usedtocompareittotheartofajazzmusicianlearningandpracticingthescales,chords,andriffssowellthatonecanimprovise
Page134
onthem,neverusingthemquitethesameway.Notwoperformancesofourchartwithdifferentensembleswillbealike,butallwillinvolvethemusicalelementsofdiscord,tension,andharmonicresolution.
Beforeshowinghowyoumightperformallthatjazzinavarietyofcases,letmereprisewhatIsaidinChapter1aboutwhentousethetechniquesinthisbook.
Therearetwofundamentallydifferentkindsofdisputeresolution.Wehearandreadmoreabouttheexternalkind,betweenpeoplewhowillhaveanarms-lengthrelationship,atbest,aftertheirsettlement.Thatwouldincludedisputesbetweenunrelatedordivorcingindividualsorbetweenpermanentadversarygroups,suchasunionsandmanagementwiththeiropposingbattalionsofattorneys.Conflictresolutionwithinafamilyorworkinggroupgetsmuchlessattentioninthepressaswellastheprofessionalliterature,eventhoughitispartofourliveseveryday.
Althoughthisbookisconcernedwiththelatter,thewithin-groupkind,youmayhavenoticedthatsomeoftheobservationsandsuggestionsinChapters2and3applytoeitherkindofconflict.Forexample,anattorneynegotiatingasettlementforherclientinatortmatteroracontractdisputewouldlookforthewin/winsolutionbyconcentratingonsharedgoals,clearingupanymisunderstandingsbetweenthetwosides,andclarifyingtheirdifferences.Shewouldalsoemployactivelisteningandpositivereframing.Sowouldaneutralmediatorinsuchdisputes.Inaddition,though,thenegotiatorforonesidemightusethreatsandultimatums,whicharen'tappropriateinsituationswherethepartiesneedtohavearelationshipafterward.Becausetheyarebasedonpowerratherthantrust,suchtacticsforcontrollingothersareoflittleusetotheleadersofanorganizationthatisexperiencinginternalconflict.
Thissystemasawholeisspecificallydesignedforanyandall
disputesbetweenpersonswhocannotorwillnotwalkoutofeachother'slives.Notwithstandingtheirhumanemotions,neuroses,personalitydifferences,andculturaldiversity,theyneedtoworktogether.Theydon'thavetobefriends,buttheydoneedtobeteammates.Andthepersonwhoemploysthissystemisneitherahiredgunforonesidenoraneutral,buta
Page135
changeagent(aleaderinthebestsenseoftheword)helpingthembuildmoreeffectivecommunicationsandmoreconstructiverelationships.
CaseApplications
Weconcludewithasamplingofsuchsituations.Somearesimilartoexamplesinearlierchapters,butthepurposehereistofollowtheoverview,theflowthroughdifferentapproachesasneeded.TheCRSflowchart(Figure1-1)adaptstovirtuallyanyconflictwithinagroupororganization,withcontingenciesforthemostcooperativetypesofpeopleaswellastheleastcooperative.Testyourunderstandingofthebriefrationaleforapplyingittoeachofthesecasesorjustfliptowhichevercaseringsthemostbellsforyou.
DisaffectedPartners
Youandafriendstartedabusinesswith$20,000andnoemployees.Aftereightyears,youhavesixtyemployees,30percentannualgrowth,andamutualfrustrationthatkeepsyouavoidingoneanotherfordaysatatimeandthreatenstotearyourbusinessapart.Youdon'ttrustoneanother'sjudgment,perhaps;oroneanother'scommitment,orpeopleskills.Ofcourse,youresentyourpartner'sdisaffectionandyoumissthefriendship.
Thisisacaseforoutsidehelp.Asoneoftheantagonists,youcan'tbethemediator.Norcanyouputanyofyouremployeesoreitherofyourspousesinthatposition.
PlanAaskswhetheryoubothwanttomaintainthisbusinesspartnership.Ifeitherownerhasalreadydecidedtoendit,thenitbecomesaquestionofwhetheronebuystheotheroutoryoubothsellthewholecompany.Itturnsout,however,thatyourpartneradamantlywantstostayinthebusiness.Hisfirstpreferencewouldbetorestoreaconstructiveco-ownership;failingthat,tobuyyouout.Yousharethesamefirstpreference,butnotthesecond.Youdon'tcaretoanalyzeall
thealternativeoptionsunlesstheybecomenecessary,butforavarietyofreasons
Page136
you'dhavegravereservationsaboutsellingyourhalftohim.
Thatissuecanbesetasidewhileaddressingthesharedgoalofworkingconstructivelytogetherifpossible.Youspelloutwhatthatmeanstoeachofyou,intermsofbusinessgoals,divisionofresponsibilities,andthepersonalrelationship.Youfindyoustillhaveacommonvisionforthebusiness.Withrespecttothefriendship,though,yourpartnerdoesn'tacknowledgesharingyourfeelings."We'renotthesamepeopleweweretenorfifteenyearsago,"hesays."Ourpersonalliveshavegoneinverydifferentdirections."Youdecide,pragmatically,togiveuphopingtoresuscitatethefriendshipoutsideofwork.
Remainingonthetablearealltheissuesaboutwhoisresponsibleforwhat:howbesttopursueyourvisionasownersandasapresidentandachieffinancialofficer.Thedifferencesinyouranalysisofwhatspecificallyhasbeendestructiveinthepast(whoistoblameforwhat)aresoextensivethatmerelyreaffirmingyoursharedgoalandbrainstormingtogetherabouthowtoachieveitdon'tgetyouanywhere.
YourfacilitatorsuggestsPlanB.Afterclearingawayacoupleofmisunderstandings,youfocusuponthecomplementarystrengthsthatledyoutovalueeachother'sbusinesspartnershiporiginally.Hearingyourpartnersaythatthecompanywouldneverhaveenjoyedsuchsuccesshaditnotbeenforyourtalentsandvision(somethingyou'renotsureyoueverheardhimsaybefore)hasasignificanteffectuponyourattitude.Yougivehimcreditforanumberofspecificthingsthathehasdoneexcellently.Theproblemisthatnumerousminoraggravations,whichhedismissesasunimportant,havebuiltahugereservoirofresentmentonyourpartandledhimtofeelthatyoudon'ttrusthim.
Thequestionbecomes,then,whatneedstochange?Anhouranda
halfintoyourfirstconflict-resolutionmeeting,youreachPlanC.Thatturnsouttobeasfarasyouneedgo.Althoughyoumeetwithyourconsultanthalfadozentimesoverthenextyear,theagendaisessentiallythesame:toreviewthecommitmentseachofyoumade,assessyourchanges,andgo
Page137
backthroughPlansAandBwithrespecttocurrentissuesandthestatusofoldissues.
TheheartofthissuccessfulresolutionwasPlanB,restoringthevalueofyourdifferentstylesandtalents.PlanAestablishedthereasonfordoingso.PlanCspelledoutthespecificbehavioryouaskedofoneanotherandthespecificchangesyouagreedto.Wastherenosustainedconflictcyclethatcouldhavebeenanalyzedinsightfully?Therealmostcertainlywas,andgettingintoPlanDmightbeastimulatingexerciseinunderstandinginterpersonaldynamics.Butyoudon'tneedtodosoaslongasyouandyourpartnerarereallyendingyourfeud.PlanBdoesthetrick.
UncomplementaryTeammates
Supposeyouaredirectorofhumanresourcesandtrainingforamedium-sizeadvertisingagencywhosecreativetalentlookcontemptuouslyattheaccountexecutives,treatingtheirinputasstupidmeddling.Theaccountexecutivesandstaffretaliatebycriticizingthecreativeworkandfailingtoshowenthusiasmforitinthepresenceofclients.Accusationsofsexualdiscriminationonlyexacerbatethelackofteamwork.Yourboss,theagency'spresident,doesn'tseehowshehascontributedtotheproblem.
Youdesignaseriesofretreatstogainthewholeagency'sinvolvementinattitudechangeandbetterteamwork.Thefirstmeetingistoincludethepresident,headsofcreativeandaccountservices,andthetwelvegroupdirectors.(Allofthefirm'saccountsandtheemployeeswhoservethemdirectlyareassignedtogroups.Later,youplantohold''grass-roots"retreatsforonetothreegroups,aboutfifteenpeople,atatime;butonlyafterthegroupcreativedirectorsandgroupaccountdirectorsandmostimportantly,thepresidentbuyintotheproject.)
Toprepareforthefirstretreat,youintervieweachparticipantindividually.Partlyyourgoalsaretolearninadvancewhataxestheyaregrindingandtobesureyouragendaandformatwillmeettheir
goals.Equallyimportant,youwalkeach
Page138
groupdirectorthroughastructuredquestionnaire,whichtheyaretouseinmeetingwiththeirgroupspriortoyourretreat.Thesequestionswillincreasethepossibilitythatgroupdirectors'viewsreflectthoseoftheirteams.
Yourinterviewsmakeitclearthateveryoneatleastclaimsthesamegoal:"todooutstanding,memorablecreativeworkthatexceedsclients'objectivesandmakesaprofitforouragency."Therefore,youdecidethere'snoneedtodwellonPlanAattheoutset.
Asintheforegoingexample,PlanBistheheartofthiscase:valuingthedifferentperspectivesoftheaccountexecutivesversusthecreatives.Butgivinglipservicetothewaystheyshouldcomplementoneanotheristrivial.Thechallengeistotrainbothtypestodiscusstheirpoint-of-viewdifferencesastheyariseandwillcontinuetoariseinthefutureintheheatofspecificbattles.
ThusthefirstretreatisvirtuallyallPlanB.Youdon'tconcernyourselfwithcommittingindividualstochangetheirbehavior.Nordoyouattackdirectly,atthisstage,thepresident'sresistance.Theonlybehaviorchangeyouwillpushfor,throughouttheday,isactivelistening.Youkeepasking,"Howcanwedoabetterjoboflisteningtooneanother,ofgettingtheinformationweneedfromoneanother,ofgettingourideasandourneedsacrosstooneanother,andtherebytrustingeachothertomeetourclients'needs?"Andyoushowthemhow.
PlanCwillcomelater,withthesesamepeopleaswellasatthelevelofthecreativedirectors,writers,artists,andaccountexecutives.Whenpeoplepersistinfeeling(astheywill)thatoneanother'shabitualbehaviorisanobstacletotheirteamwork,thenyouwillusePlanCtodeflectthefingerpointingandtotargetchangesforeachindividual.
Thefirstmeetingisasuccess.Thepresidentispraisedforauthorizingandconveningit.Twomonthslater,afterfivecomparableretreatsinwhichthecreativeteamsservingaparticulargroupofclientsmeetwiththecorrespondingaccountexecutives,youreconvenewithtopmanagement.SlidingintoPlanC,youdothefingertrapexercise(Figure4-1).Andthetoprowandfirstcolumnarelabeledwiththepresident'sname.
Doesthisleadtoabreakthrough?Probablyonlyapartial
Page139
breakthrough.Youare"joining,"bondingwitheachindividual,validatingappropriatepartsofallparties'positions.Andyouareusingthosealliancestopushforchange.Asitbecomesclearerhowmuchthepresidenthascontributedtotheproblemandhowmuchmoreshemustcontributetothesolution,youmeetmorefrequentlywithher,onetoone.Youoffertositinonsomeofhermeetingswiththeheadofcreativeandtheheadofclientservices.
Youwait.TheoccasionforPlanDmaycomewhenyouhaveaccomplishedtwothings:
1.Youhavewonthetopmanagers'trust.Theybelievethatwhatyouaredoingisimportant.
2.Acrisisoccursaseriousconflictarisesandescalates,leadingpeopletogroan,"Herewegoagain"andtheybelievethatyoucanbehelpful.
Untilsuchaneventoccurs,youkeepthesharedpurposesofeveryoneintheorganizationattheforefrontoftheirminds,andyoukeepusingPlansBandCtoimprovetheireffortstowardthoseends.
RelativeintheFamilyBusiness
Youareanoutsideconsultanttotheownerofamanufacturingfirmwhohasfiveadultchildren.Thebusinesscouldeasilyemploythetalentsofallthreewhoareinterested,exceptforthefactthattheoldestsonanddaughterhavenorespectfortheirkidbrother.Heacceptsnoresponsibility,theysay;heholdshimselfaccountabletonoone,bendsDadaroundhislittlefingerandactslikehe'sentitledtothesamerewardsasthey.Kidbrothercomplainsthattheygivehimnoauthority,rejecthisideasoutofhand,andexcludehimfrommeetings.Dadclaimshecould"sellthewholedamnbusiness"withouthesitation;buthisheartisbreaking.
Althoughthecompanyisyourclient,keepinmindthatyouhaveat
leastthreeotherindividualswithwhomyouneedalliances,inadditiontothosewhoworkthere:theowner'swifeandtheirothertwooffspring.Don'tneglecthisdaughters-and
Page140
sons-in-law,either,allofwhomhaveasignificantstakein(andstrongopinionsabout)thecompany'sfutureownership,andsomeofwhommaybecentralfiguresintheconflict.
However,afteraninitialmeetingwiththethreewhoworkinthebusiness,youdecidetoholdaseriesoftwo-tothree-hourmeetingsinyourownofficewithjustthemandtheirfather.Priortothefirstofthosemeetings,youinterviewtheirmotherandthespousesofthosewhoaremarried,butbymutualagreement,theywon'tbeinthefirstseriesofmeetings.Youtermthesemeetings"familymanagementsessions."Afull"familyretreat,"whichwillalsoincludetheothertwosiblingsandspouses,isplannedforlater.
Inthefirstsession,PlanAseemstogowell,witheveryoneapparentlyinagreementabouttheirgoalsforthebusinessaswellasfortheirfamilyrelationships.Fromyourprivateinterviews,youknowthattheplayersinthisdramahavemanyconflictingindividualgoals.Surprisingly,though,youfindthemreluctanttoexpressopenlytheirfundamentallydifferentobjectives,bitterresentments,anddistrust.Soyouraisetheissuestheyavoid.Whenyoudoso,PlanBgetsnowhere.Everyoneisrigidlydefensiveandaccusatory.InPlanC,theyarefullofdemandsforoneanothertochange;eachindividual,includingDad,hasairtightexcusesnottochange.
Youbegintoaskaboutpatternsofconflict.AsaninvestigatorinthestyleofPeterFalk'stelevisiondetectiveColumbo,youasknonaccusatoryquestionsaboutwhattypicallyleadstowhat.Whatmighthappenifthekidbrotherwereperformingbetter?Whatiftheydidtreathimasanequal?Whatiftheydidn'thavethatissuetofightabout?
Inthecourseofcontinueddiscussionofspecificcomplaintsandconfrontationsoverseveralmoresessions,thislineofquestioning(PlanD)givesyouinsightabouttheconflict,whichyousharewith
themembers.Youseeasofteningoftheolderbrother'sandsister'spositions,buttheirfather'simpatienceincreases.WhenyoureturntoPlanC,hedoesn'tacknowledgeaneedorwillingnesstochangehismanagementstyleorhiswayofrelatingtoanyofthem.Worse,theyoungestsonmakesalltherightverbalcommitmentsbutdoesn'texecute
Page141
them:Hecontinuestoarrivelate,leaveearly,takeemployeesoutforlonglunches,ignoredeadlines.Hecontinuestomismanagehispersonalfinancesandtousehiscompanycreditcardasaslushfund.
Beforethefamilyretreat,youmeetseparatelywiththeparentsandencouragethemtostopenablingtheirson'sfailures.Youalsosupporttheoldersiblings'independent,unilateralactionstoprotectthebusiness.Youtrytogaintheircommitmenttoceaseblamingeachotherwhilemaintainingtheproblem.Althoughnotunsympathetictothekidbrother,youencouragehimtothinkseriouslyaboutotherpossiblecareers.AlltheseareeffortstosellPlanE,unilateralchange,towhoeverwillbuyit.
Eventually,theyoungestbrotherwillleavethebusiness,perhapstoreturnafterhehasmaturedoutsidetheprotectiveumbrellaofhisfamily.Meanwhile,youhaveestablishedalong-termadvisoryrelationshipwiththewholefamily,whichwillculminatefivetotenyearslaterinasuccessfultransitiontonextgenerationownership.
Excessive,UnproductiveCompetitionBetweenDivisions
YouareCEOofafairlylargecorporationconsistingoftwodivisions.AlphaDivisionmanufacturesabuildingproduct;BetaDivisionwholesalesandretailsthroughoutNorthAmericaseverallinesofbuildingmaterial,includingthatofAlphaDivision,ofwhichitisthelargestcustomer.Youwouldn'tmindafriendlyrivalrybetweenthetwodivisions,competingtoexceedtheirtargetsanddazzletheshareholders,butforsomereasontheytreateachotherlikeenemies.Theheadsofthetwodivisionsopenlydislikeoneanother,tradingaccusationsaboutmattersassignificantasfraudulentaccountingpracticesandastrivialastheallocationofparkingspaces.AlphaDivision'spresidentseemstobeabletocontrolhisviolenttemperjustenoughtoaimitselectivelyinthedirectionofBetaDivision'smanagers.Thetwopresidentsoughttobecollaboratingonanumberoffronts,becausetheirdivisionsaren'treallydivisible.Infact,insomelocationsmanyofyouremployeessplittheirtimebetweenthetwo
divisionsduringatleast
Page142
partoftheyear.Thatinvariablyprovokesdisputesovercostallocations,reportingrelationships,andresponsibilities.Moraleinbothdivisionsisinthesubbasement.
Youcallbothpresidentsinandannouncethatyouhavealreadymadeanonnegotiabledecision.Itisboththeirresponsibilitiesandatopprioritytoensurethattheirdivisionscollaboratepositivelywithoneanother.Youwilltoleratenoexcusesfortheirfailuretoturnthesituationaround,leastofallexcusesthatblameoneanother.Whatyouhavedone,effectively,istocombinePlanAwithPlanE:Youhaveunilaterallydecreedtheirsharedgoal.
Atthesametime,youtellthemthatyoutakefullresponsibilityforhavingcontributedtotheprobleminthepast,partlybyallowingittodeterioratebutprobablyalsoinmoredirectways,whichyouwanttoexplore,andthatyouwanttoknowwhattheyneedyoutododifferently.YouareanticipatingPlanC,atleasttosetthestageforacommitmenttochangeandtoprovideamodelofaskingwhateachpresidentcanchange.Youmayevenspendsometimeontheirpreliminaryideasaboutchanges.However,youwillreturntoPlanCinearnestafterPlanB.
PlanBwillinvolveothersinthecompany,aswellasthethreeofyou.Youmayormaynotattendalloftheirmeetingsonthetwodivisions'differentobjectives,incentives,andperspectives.Theymaywantsomeoneelsetofacilitatethosemeetings,ortheymaywanttocochairthem.Allthisisopentodiscussion;infact,theprojectofanalyzingandmakingjointrecommendationsaboutthosedifferenceswillitselfbethefirstexampleofthenewspiritofcooperationyouaredemanding.
Letusenvisiontwoalternative,equallylikelyscenariosoverthenextsixtotwelvemonths.Inone,thepresidentofeitherAlphaorBetaDivisionresigns.Isthatgood?Yes,becausechancesare,it'sthebetter
personwhowillstay.Thepreviousstateofaffairswouldhaveledthebetterpersontoleave.Youhavecreatedpressureforcollaborationratherthandestructiveness;thefirsttoleaveundertheseconditionsisprobablytheoneyouarewellridof.
Butthereisanotherscenario,justasfrequentinmyexperience.
Page143
Theproblemdiminishes,graduallybutsignificantly.Theforegoingstepswillnotbesufficienttobringthatabout.You'llneedtousePlanDwhenthechangesmadesofarproveinadequateorwhenthemanagersbackslideintohabitualbattles:Lookforthecommonpatterninthosebattles,andthenusetheinformationgainedfromallsuchdiscussions(PlansBandD)topinpointfurtherspecificchanges(downtothedetailsofhowtheaccountantsallocateindividualemployees'wages,insurance,workerscompensation,etc.,tothetwodivisions).
Noticethatdespiteallthepressureyouputonyoursubordinatestocorrecttheproblem,inthefinalanalysisPlanEwillplayabigroleinthesolution.Thebuckstopswithyou.
IsolatedExplosion
Yourcompanypresidentcallsyouintoresolve"somesortofhenfight"betweenhis26-year-oldsecretaryandthe58-year-oldsecretarytothechairman.Thetwowomen'sdesksarewithinspittingdistance,buttheyhaveworkedwelltogetherforthreeyears,coveringeachother'stelephonesanddaysoff.Botharevaluedemployees.Youfindtheyoungerwomanintears,hurtbyhermentor'sfar-fetchedaccusationsaboutaconspiracytomakeherlookbadbydeprogramminghervoicemailandsabotagingcomputerfiles.Otheremployeesreportthattheseniorsecretaryhadbeenscreamingprofanityatherjuniorlanguagetheywouldn'thavethoughtwasinhervocabulary.Theyfeelsuretheremusthavebeensomeprovocation.
Youmaygetthiscallbecauseyouarethecompany'spersonneldirector,anotherkeyexecutiveknownforyoursensitivityandpeopleskills,orperhapsthecompany'sattorney.Inanycase,beforesittingdownwiththetwoemployees,youinterviewthemseparatelytotrytolearnwhathappened.Thepossibilityexiststhattheoutburstwasamanifestationofsomechronicprobleminvolvingtheirbosses(thepresident'sunsympathetic,sexistremarkaboutthe"henfight"could
beaclue),butasyoucomparewhattheysay,yourealizethatyouaredeepinthe"individualissues"sectionofPlanB.
Theyoungerwoman,thoughupsetandembarrassed,
Page144
givesaconsistentandplausibleaccountofwhatsheexperienced,andherhurtfeelingsseementirelyappropriatetothecircumstances.Furthermore,sheisconcernedabouttheotherwoman.Sheacknowledgesthepossibilitythatshemayactuallyhaveoffendedher.Shewelcomesyourhelpindoingwhatevershecantomakeamends.
Theotherwomanseems,inlaymen'sterms,crazy.Sheisabsolutelyconvincedthatsheisthevictimofaconspiracy,tellsyouthatsheknowsyouarebiasedinfavoroftheyoungerwoman,expectstobefired,andhasalreadyputinacalltoherlawyer.
Youareneitheradetectivenorapsychiatrist,butthisemployeeseemstohaveamentalhealthproblemofunknownorigin.(Itcouldbeanythingfromabraintumor,toasideeffectofmedication,toemotionalstressathome.)Becauseshehasnohistoryofparanoia,thechancesarequitegoodthatshewillrespondwelltoprofessionaltreatment.However,shehastobeforcedtoseekoraccepttreatment,andanypressureinthatdirection,unfortunately,willintensifyhersymptom.
Youadvisethecompany'schairmanpersonallytotellhissecretarythatsheisavaluedemployeebutthatsomethinghashappenedtoherwhichmakeshertemporarilyunabletoperformherjob.Hecanholdthejobopenforheracoupleofweeksincase,withherdoctor'shelp,shegetstotherootoftheproblemquickly.Ifsheisunabletoreturntoworkinthenearfuture,everyeffortwillbemadetofindaplaceforherinthecompanyatsomefuturedate.Alternatively,shecanacceptaseverancepackagemoregenerousthanasecretarywouldnormallyreceive.
Iincludethiscaseasareminderthatnoteveryconflictresolvesashappilyaswemightlike.Infact,thisemployeethreatenstosuethecompany.However,theattorneysheretains,afriendofherbrother,learnsfromthecompany'scounselwhatoccurred,howallstepshave
beendocumented,andhowwellsheisbeingtreated.He,too,becomesconvincedsomethingiswrongwithhisclientandsuggeststoherfamilythatshebeassessedpsychiatrically.Somemonthslater,sheacceptstheseveranceoffer.
Page145
CultureChange?
Eachexampleisanactualonefromamongmyclients.Ineachcase,Itriedtodomorethanhelpresolvethespecificissueofthemoment.AsexplainedinChapter7,Ialwayslookforopportunitiestoleveragethespecificdisputeresolutionintoanopenlyproclaimedculturechangewithvisible,sustainableeffectsonthecompany'sproductivity.Inhowmanyofthesecasesdidthathappen?Intwocasesthatkindofculturechangedefinitelyoccurred(theadvertisingagencyandthecompanywithcompetingdivisions).Inathirdcase,thedisaffectedpartnershavemovedsofarinthedirectionofbetterteamworkthattheircultureasawholeischangingslowly,asaresult.Intheothertwocases,therewasnoevidenceofanyorganizationalimprovementbeyondthebenefitsofhavingresolvedtheproblemathand.
Butthatitselfisnosmallachievement.
Page147
Appendix:ActiveListeningWhetheroneisamanagerorsupervisee,teacherorlearner,salespersonorcustomer,parentorchild,friend,orspouse,thegoalsofactivelisteningarethesame:
[]
Tounderstandclearlywhatotherpeoplearesaying,includingthemotivesandfeelingsbehindtheirwords
[]Tomakethemfeeltheyhavebeenfullyheardandclearlyunderstood
[]Tomakethemfeelthatwhetheryouagreewiththemornot,yourespecttheirpointofview
[]Toincreasethelikelihoodthattheywillfollowthesesamegoalswithyou,inreturn
Inthecourseofdailylife,goodcommunicatorsuseactivelisteningskillsinformallyandunobtrusively.Thebestwaytolearnthem,however,isinastrict,formalroutine.Later,youwillonlyresorttothatformal(andslightlyartificial)routineincircumstancesofgreatstressorvolatility.Butwhentrainingyourselfortrainingothers,enforcetherulesofactivelisteningstrictly.
Normallyyou'llonlythinkofintroducingthoseruleswhenaheartedargumentgetsoutofhandbecauseofthelackofactivelistening.Forexample,HankandRussarebusinesspartners,cofoundersofatransportationcompanywithseventy-fiveemployeesinsixdifferentoffices:
Page148
DialogueI
Hank:WhenIgotthecallfromRayinMilwaukee,Iknewbeforehetoldmewhyhewascalling.Isaidtomyself,''Russhasdoneitagain!"Iknewhewasgoingtotellmeyoutriedtoconvincehimhedidn'tneedthecomputer.
Russ:Ididn'ttrytoconvincehimofanything.
Hank:Likehellyoudidn't.Youcalledhimup.Ididn'taskyoutocallhim.Isaid,"Rayneedsoneofthenewcomputers.Addonetotheorderandhaveitshippeddirectlytohim."Period.Endofdiscussion.
Russ:Thatwasnodiscussion,thatwasavoicemailmessage.Icannevergetyoutodiscussanything,soIsimplycalledRayforclarification.
Hank:No,youcalledRayforconfusion.DoesRayreporttoyou?
Russ:Whatdifferencedoesitmakewhohe
Hank[louder]:DoesRayreporttoyou?
Russ[equallylouder]:Whatdifferencedoesitmakewhohereportsto?I'minchargeofpurchasing,and
Hank:Sopurchase!Ididn'ttellyoutofindoutifhereallyneededacomputer,andIcertainlydidn'ttellyoutotrytoconvincehimhecouldgetalongwithoutitafterItoldhimotherwise.
Russ[sarcastically]:Whydon'tIpurchasesixtycomputers?Wehaveseventy-fiveemployeesandonlyfifteencomputers.Whydon'tweget
Hank:Good.Nowwe'regettingtotherealissue.Inotherwords,youhearmementionthewordbuyanditscaresthepantsoffyou.RightawayyoursirensgooffandI'mbankruptingthecompany.
Russ:Whydoyoutakeeverythingsopersonally?Ididn'tsayyouwerebankruptingthecompany.You'vetriedafewtimes,butyouhaven'tsucceededyet.It'smyjobto
Hank[yellingatthetopofhisvoice,turningred]:Listen,youso-and-so,I
havegrownthiscompanyby40percentormoreeveryyearofthesixyearswehavebeeninbusiness,andIhavehadtofightyouforeverypenciltotakeanorderwith.
Russ[calmly]:Youknowwhat,Hank?
Hank[onaroll]:Icouldn'tgetadecentchairforavisitortositoninmyoffice;youtriedtobringinoneoutofyourgreat-grandmother'sgarage
Page149
Russ[louder]:Youknowwhat,Hank?I'vehadit.I'mthroughwiththis.Thispartnershipisover.IfIhavetogoon,timeandagain,defendingmyselfforintroducingrealityintoyourfantasyworld
Wewon'tattemptheretodiscussthemeritsofHank'sandRuss'scomplaintsaboutoneanother,becausetheyaren'tgivingthemeritsoftheirargumentsachance.Thefactthattheyaren'tlisteningtooneanothereliminatesanypossibilityofescapingtheviciouscircleoftheirmutuallydistrustfulrelationship.Itisn'thardtoseewheretheygowrong:
[]
Byinterruptingeachother,neitherpersonevergetsthesatisfactionofbeingheard.
[]Bylosingtrackofwhohasthefloor,theyaren'tevenawareofwhointerruptedwhom.[]Byjumpinginwithrebuttalsandaccusations,theyguaranteethatthetemperaturewillriseuntiltheconfrontationendseitherinviolenceorthethreattodissolvethepartnership.
Activelisteningpreventsallthat.Itdoesnotguaranteethatthepartnerswilldecidetostayinbusinesstogether.Infact,itdoesn'tpreventthemfrommaintainingthesamecycleofsustainedconflict(thesubjectofChapter5),butitisthenecessaryfirststepiftheyareevertobreakoutofthatcycle.Itguaranteesthattheywon'tkeepescalatingtheconflicttothepointwhereitisallheatandnolight.
Therulesforactivelisteningaresimple:
RulesfortheSpeaker
[]
Mustnotyieldtheflooruntil(s)hefeelslistenedto.
[ Shouldnotaskaquestionuntil(s)heispreparedtoswitchroles
] andlistentotheanswer.
RulesforListeners
[]
Mustnotreply,expressanyopinion,orsignaldisagreementwithanyofspeaker'sstatements.
Page150
[]
Mustreflectbackwhattheyunderstandtobespeaker'sviews(acknowledgingandverifyingthenegativeordisagreeableviewsaswellasthepositive).[]Mustaskquestionstoclarifyanythingtheydon'tunderstand.
[]Whentheywanttoreply,mustfirstchecktobesuretheyhaveunderstoodcorrectlyandthengetpermissiontobethenewspeaker.
Clearly,thekeytoactivelisteningisforallpartiesintheconversationtoknow,atalltimes,whohasthefloor.Therulesforwhoeverhasthefloor,thespeaker,aredifferentfromtherulesforeveryoneelse,thelisteners.Thelistenersaren'tsilent;infact,theyareactiveinterviewersbutarerestrictedtoaskingquestionsandcheckingtheirownunderstanding.
Alistenerhastorequestpermissiontotakethefloor;thespeakeronlyconsentswhenheissurehehasbeenheard.SothediscussionbetweenHankandRusswouldgosomethinglikethis:
DialogueII
Hank[speaker]:WhenIgotthecallfromRayinMilwaukee,Iknewbeforehetoldmewhyhewascalling.Isaidtomyself,"Russhasdoneitagain!"Iknewhewasgoingtotellmeyoutriedtoconvincehimhedidn'tneedthecomputer.
Russ[listener]:Isthatwhathesaid?
Hank[speaker]:YoucalledhimupandIdidn'taskyoutocallhim.Isaid,"Rayneedsoneofthenewcomputers.Addonetotheorderandhaveitshippeddirectlytohim."Period.Endofdiscussion.
Russ[listener]:SoyourviewisthatyougavemeaninstructionandIfailedto
carryitout.
Hank[speaker]:That'scorrect.
Russ[listener]:Anditreallypissedyouoff.
Page151
Hank[speaker]:Yes,asitalwaysdoes.
Russ[listener]:MayIrespondtothat?
Hank[becominglistener,thoughdubious]:Iwouldliketohearyourresponse.
Russ[speaker]:Asamatteroffact,IdoacceptthatwhetherRaygetsacomputerisyourdecision.IfIhadbeensureyouweighedallthefactorsanddecidedweshouldgoaheadandaddonemorecomputertothecurrentpurchaseorder,thensobeit.ButallIgotwasonesentenceonmyvoicemail.Ithenleftamessageforyouandwhenyoudidn'tgetbacktome,Ifiguredyouwouldn'twantmetodonothingatallaboutituntilwhenever,soItookituponmyselftomakesureyouhadaskedRayallthepertinentquestions.
Hank[outoforder]:That'sjustit!You
Russ[speaker]:Justaminute,Ihavethefloor.MyproblemisIcannevergetyoutodiscussanything,soIsimplycalledRayforclarification.
Althoughthespeakermaysaywhateverhewants,theactivelisteningframeworkhasmadeiteasyforRusstouseadditionaltechniquesofconstructivedialogue(seeFigure2-2).ThusheacknowledgesthepartofHank'spositionwithwhichhehasnoquarrel("Idoacceptthat")andhesays"Myproblemis"insteadof"Yourfaultis."
Hank[listener]:NowmayIrespondtothat?
Russ[speaker]:Whatdidyouhearmesaying?
Hank[listener]:ThatyoucalledRayforclarification.
Russ[speaker]:Because?
Hank[listener]:Becauseyouweren'tsureIhadgrilledRaycloselyenoughonhisrationaleforneedinganothercomputer.
Russ[speaker]:Exactly.Ifeltyouhadidentifiedaneedbutyouweredelegatingthepurchasingtomeappropriately.Andthefirststepinpurchasingistoexplorethepossibilityofmakingdowithwhatwehave.
Hank[listener]:Soinyourmindyouweren'tquestioningmydecision;youweremerelyimplementingitinyourownfashion.
Page152
Russ[speaker]:Ifyouwanttoputitthatway.
Hank[becomingthespeaker]:Now,myturn?Ididn'ttellyoutofindoutifhereallyneededacomputer,andIcertainlydidn'ttellyoutotrytoconvincehimhecouldgetalongwithoutitafterItoldhimotherwise.
Russ[listener]:IsthatwhatyouthinkIdid?
Hank[speaker]:ThatisexactlywhatIthinkyoudid.Didn'tyou?
NowRussmayresumethefloor,becauseHankhasjustaskedaquestion.
Russ[speaker]:No,Idon'tbelieveIdid.Maybeheinterpretedmyquestionsastryingtotalkhimoutofhisposition,butthat'snotwhatIintended.
Hank[listener]:What,praytell,didyouintend?
Russ[speaker]:Onlytobesurethatthequestionshadbeenaskedandansweredtomysatisfaction.IfI'dhadachancetotalkwithyoudirectlyinsteadoftradingvoicemailmessages,IwouldhaveaskedyouifyouhadalreadyhadthatdiscussionwithRay.Lackingthatopportunity(forwhichIblameyou,frankly),IdidthebestIcould.
Hank[listener]:Look,Russ,isthattherealissue:thatwedon'tdiscusseverylittledecisionindetail?Orisitthatyouhearmementionthewordbuyanditscaresthepantsoffyou?RightawayyoursirensgooffandI'mbankruptingthecompany.
Russ[treatingHank'sout-of-orderassertionasaquestion,thusretainingthefloor]:Ididn'tsayyouwerebankruptingthecompany.You'vecomecloseafewtimes,butwe'restillsolvent.It'smyjobto
Inshort,thesametwofrustratedindividualscandiscussthesamedifficultissuewithoutgettingoutofcontrol.
Thebestthingaboutactivelisteningisthatyoudon'thavetogettheotherperson'sagreementtoengageinit.Itonlytakesonepersontoinsistonactivelistening.Youtakeresponsibilityforshowingothersthatyouhaveheardthembeforeyourespond,andyoualsotakeresponsibilityforrefusingtogivethemthe
Page153
flooruntiltheydemonstratethattheyhaveheardyou.Iftheydon'tlikethat,youwon'tdiscussthematterwiththem.
TheGoldenRuleofActiveListeningListenuntoothersasyouwouldhavethemlistenuntoyou;butiftheydon'tlistenwhenit'syourturn,don'ttalkwiththem.ThereasonDialogueIIworkedbetterthanDialogueIisthatRusscarefullylaidthegroundworkforhisownchancetobelistenedtobymakingsureHankfeltthathisangerwasfullyheardbeforeRussattemptedtoreply.Thisiseasytodoifyoukeepremindingyourselfthatalistenermayonlyaskclarifyingquestions,suchas:
Isthatwhathesaid?
Soyourviewis
Doesitfeelunfairbecause
Areyousayingthat
IfIunderstandyou
Tomusesthetechniqueinthisexample:
Tom:WhydoyouseemsohostilewheneverIopenmymouthinMondaymeetings?
Gina:IseemsohostilebecauseIdon'tlikeyou.
Tom[activelylistening]:Whatdon'tyoulikeaboutme?
Gina[speaker]:Itisnotyouasaperson.ImeanI'msureyouhavemanyfinequalities,butIdon'tgetachancetofindoutwhattheyarebecauseIamsooffendedbyyourattitude.ParticularlyIdon'tlikeyourattitudeaboutwomen.Younevermissanopportunitytomakesomekindofdig.
Tom[listener]:Couldyougivemeanexample?
Gina[speaker]:Anexample?Sure,letmesee.Thismorning,Fredstartedtowriteonthechart,andthebluemarkerwasoutofink.Yousaid,"Oh,Marilyn'sfallingdownonthejob."
Tom[listener]:Umhm.
Page154
Gina[speaker]:Likeit'sMarilyn'sjobtocheckthemarkersbeforethemeeting.Marilyn'snotasecretary,butthat'snoteventhepoint.Thetruthis,youwouldn'thavesaidittoasecretary.You'rethreatenedbythewomenonthisteambecausewearen'tsecretaries;andyou'reprobablynotawareofit,butyoufeelcompelledtoputusinourplaces.Youhaveaproblem,Tom.
Tom[listener]:WasMarilynoffended?
Gina[speaker]:YouaskedmewhyIseemhostile,soI'mtellingyouthatIamoffendedeverytimeyousaystufflikethat,nomatterwhoit'sdirectedat.
Tom[afterapause]:Well,asIhearyou,you'resayingItreat
Wedon'tknowwhetherTom'sactivelisteningwillleadtohisconsciousness-raisingandtoacommitmenttobemoreawareofhowhis"jokes"insultpeople.ButheisdoingeverythinghecantomakeGinaperceivehimassincerelyinterested.
Asanactivelistener,youmightcatchyourselfatfirstaskingpseudoquestionsthatreallyexpressanopinionorimplydisbelief.HankdidthisattheendofDialogueIIabove,whenheslippedanassertionaboutRuss'sparanoiaintoa"question"beginning"Orisitthat."Youcanusuallyspotapseudoquestionfromtheopeningwords:
Pseudoquestions
Canyoureallysitthereandtellme
Don'tyourealizethat'snotthereason
Haven'tItoldyouathousandtimesthat
SuchmistakeswilllandyoubackinthekindofshoutingmatchillustratedinDialogueIabove.Whenpseudoquestionscomeatyouwhileyouarethespeaker,allyouneedtodoinsteadofdefendingagainsta"listener's"assertionistosay,"Waitaminute;Ihavethefloor."
Whatdoyoudowhenyouhavethefloorbuttheotherpersonseemsunabletolistentoyouwithouthostility?Pauseforamomentandreflect.Areyoubeingaggressive(attacking)insteadofassertive(expressingyourownfeelings)?Tryagain.
Page155
Youcan'tlearnactivelisteningskillsjustbyreadingaboutthem.Youlearnbytryingthem.Thebestwayistohaveathirdpartyobserveyourconversation.Havethemstopanylistenerwhointerrupts,failstoaskquestions,orexpressesorimpliesaresponseoutofturn.Beforeresponding,alistenermustcheckwhetherthespeakerfeelsunderstoodandisreadytoyieldthefloor.Thepurposeofsuchexercises,ofcourse,istocreatenewnormsthatwillguidethegroup'sbehavioratothertimeswhentheintervenerisn'tpresent.
Page157
Index
A
actionplans,necessityof,12
activelistening,147-155
andbalancedjoining,39-42
coachingfor,36-39
withcustomers,35
andfocusonsharedgoals,23
goalsof,147
"goldenrule"of,153
and"havingthefloor,"150,155
listeners,rulesfor,35-36,149-150
pitfallsavoidedby,149
andPOVdifferences,59
pseudoquestions,avoidanceof,154
speaker,rulesfor,35,149
withstrangers,34-35
unilateral,152-153
addictivedisorders,66-67
advertisingindustry,3
agedifferences,58
A-I-Rchart,37f.
anger,28-29
Asch(psychologyresearcher),78
B
balancedjoining,39-42
blaming,mutual,79-80
boundarylessorganization,124-126
boundarymanagement,126,129
C
change
fearof,68-69
gainingcommitmentto,11
individual,76-79
unilateral,12,78-79
seealsocommitmenttochange,gaining;unilateralchange
coaching,foractivelistening,36-39
"collaboratingtoavoid"conflict,93-102
excuses,caseexamplesofusing,97-102
familybusiness,caseexampleof,94,96-97
commitmenttochange,gaining(PlanC),11,75-88
andaccentuationofpositive,85-86
flowchartfor,82f.
follow-upto,86-88
andindividualvs.organizationalchange,76-79
"joiningtheresistance"techniquefor,83-85
"springingthefingertrap"techniquefor,79-83
commongoals,seesharedgoals,focuson
communicationstyles,50-54
compatiblegoals,26
conflictinggoals,26
Conflict-ResolvingSystem(CRS),9-18,22-33,119-130
accentuationofpositivein,86
acknowledgmentofemotionsby,27-31
caseapplicationsof,135-145
extending,129
flowchartsfor,13f.,107f.
Page158
Conflict-ResolvingSystem(CRS),(continued)
flowof,12-16
goalsof,119-120
integrationof,intoorganizationalculture,16-18,33,128-130,145
logicalsequenceof,133-134
publicizing,129
rejectionofdestructive,catastrophic,andwastefuldisputesby,31-33
andteambuilding,121-128
seealsocommitmenttochange,gaining;differences,analysisof;recurringcycle,analysisof;sharedgoals,focuson;unilateralchange
conflict(s)
andboundarymanagement,126
conditionsforresolvable,6-7
costsofunresolved,4-6
destructive,catastrophic,andwasteful,31-33
andfocusonsharedgoals,21-22
andgooddisputes,22
inevitabilityof,1
internal(intrapsychic),9
managementof,4,18-19
asopportunities,2-3
overmoneyandresources,7
productivevs.destructive,3
responsibilityforresolutionof,19-20
andteambuilding,18-19
teamworkasapproachto,1-2
unresolvable,5-6
within-group,vs.betweenunrelatedparties,7-8,134
seealsoindividualissues,conflictand;recurringcycleofconflict,analysisof
conflict-transcendentorganizations,121
confluence,9
conformity,78
"coolingoff,"31-33
costsofunresolvedconflict,4-6
counter-leaning,63-66
coworkers,relationshipswith,33
CRS,seeConflict-ResolvingSystem
culturaldifferences,56-57
culture,organizational,seeorganizationalculture
customers
activelisteningwith,35
relationshipswith,33-34
"cuttingyourlosses,"15
cycleofconflict,recurring,seerecurringcycleofconflict,analysisof
D
Dewey,John,125
differences,denialof,59
differences,focuson(PlanB),10-11,26-27,45-73
anddiversity,59-66
flowchartfor,46-47f.
individualdifferences,66-73
insensitivitiesand,48-49
misunderstandingsand,47-48
POVand,49-59
remainingissuesin,73
andsortingofdifferences,46-47
directcostsofunresolvedconflict,4
disputes,seeconflict(s)
diversity,buildingstrengthfrom,54,59-66
positivereframes,useof,60-61
questionsforfocusingon,57
triangling,useof,61-63
un-leaning,useof,63-66
divisions,caseapplicationofCRStounproductiveconflictbetween,
141-143
E
emotions,acknowledgmentof,27-31
anger,28-29
fear,29
guilt,30
hurt,29
jealousy,28
Page159
sadnessandloss,29-30
shame,30
employees
costsofimproperplacementof,5
needforbalanceof,inorganization,122-124
relationshipsamong,33
terminationof,72,73
enlightenedself-interest,71
entitlement,feelingsof,67-68
envy,68
excuses,83,97
exercises,useofartificial,19
F
facilitators,roleof,19-20,130
facilitators,strategiesfor
activelistening,36-39
communicationstyles,presentationon,51-54
cycleofrecurringconflict,102-104,106-110
gainingcommitmenttochange,75-76,86-88
goal-settingsessions,24-26
handlingindividualissues,71-73
''sibling"disputes,61-63
fairness,andfeelingsofentitlement,67
familybusiness(es)
caseapplicationofCRStoconflictinvolvingrelativein,139-141
costsofnonperformingemployeesin,5
exampleofcycleofsustainedconflictin,94,96-97
organizingprinciplein,123-124
favoritism,70-71
fear(s)
ofchange,68-69
asemotion,29
identificationofshared,106
"feelers,"52
feelings,men's,56
Fisher,George,onconflict,28
flexibleboundaries,126
flowcharts,19
ConflictResolutionSystem,13f.,15f.
cycleofrecurringconflict,90f.,92f.
differences,identificationof,46-47f.
gainingcommitmenttochange,82f.
sharedgoals,focuson,23f.
follow-up,inanalysisofvaluedifferences,86-88
framing,negativevs.positive,87
G
genderpointofviewdifferences,55-56
generalizations,ismsvs.,70
"givingup,"14
goals
ofactivelistening,36,147
compatible,26
conflicting,26
ofCRS,119-120
prioritizingof,23-26
seealsosharedgoals,focuson
"goldenrule"ofactivelistening,153
gooddisputes,22
groups
conflictswithin,7-9,134
differencesbetween,58-59
andindividualbehavior,76-79
guilt(emotion),30
H
HarvardBusinessReview,124-125
"havingthefloor,"150,155
highperformance,teamworkand,127-128
hurt(emotion),29
I
"imaginers,"52
individualism
asoppositeofteamwork,71
asorganizingprinciple,123
individualissues
facilitator'shandlingof,71-73
Page160
individualissues(continued)
andsevendeadlyisms,69-71
typesof,66-69
individuals
issuesinvolving,inconflicts,seeindividualissues
organizationalchangevs.changeby,76-79
teambuildingandhigh-performance,127
seealsounilateralchange
insensitivity(-ies)
identificationof,48-49
ofmen,56
internal(intrapsychic)conflict,9
interpersonalrelationships,withinorganization,33-34
interviewing,mutual,23
isms,sevendeadly,69-71
isolatedexplosion,caseapplicationofCRSto,143-144
J
jealousy,28
joining,39-42
"joiningtheresistance"technique,83-85
L
leadership
andavoidanceofpersonalchallenges,27
inboundarylessorganization,124-126
asfacetofCRS,121
inlearningorganization,125
needforbalanceincorporate,122-124,130
learning,conflictasopportunityfor,2
learningcultures,126
learningcurve,127
learningorganization,125
legalcostsofunresolvedconflict,5
listening,active,seeactivelistening
loss(emotion),29-30
M
management
ofboundaries,126,129
ofconflict,4,18-19
managersofconflictingemployees
andrecurringcycleofconflict,98-102
unilateralchangeby,116-117
MaximumControlmodelofemployeeorganization,122-124
MaximumInternalCompetitionmodelofemployeeorganization,123
MaximumTrustandInternalSupportmodelofemployeeorganization,123-124
men,allegedinsensitivityof,56
mentalhealthproblems,66-67,72,144
MicrosoftCorporation,1-2
misunderstandings,identificationof,47-48
money,disputesover,7
mooddisorders,66-67
Motorola,27-28
mutualblaming,79-80
mutualinterviewing,23
N
negativeframing,87
nonperformance,andcultureofteamwork,128
nonprofitorganization,recurringconflictcyclein(example),104-106,108
norms,organizational,seeorganizationalculture
NT(operatingsystem),2
O
organizationalculture
avoidingdisagreementasnormof,27
andexpressionofemotions,30-31
andindividualchange,76-78
integrationofCRSinto,16-18,33,128-130,145
teamworknormin,34
Page161
P
paranoia,68
partners,caseapplicationofCRStodisaffected,135-137
patronizingattitudes,49
peerpressure,78,82
perceptioncostsofunresolvedconflict,4-5
personalgrowth,conflictasopportunityfor,2
personalities,analysisof,10-11
personalitytypes,50-54
Pinsof,William,onsystematicconflictresolution,133-134
PlanA,seesharedgoals,focuson
PlanB,seedifferences,focuson
PlanC,seecommitmenttochange,gaining
PlanD,seerecurringcycleofconflict,analysisof
PlanE,seeunilateralchange
pointofview(POV)differences,10,49-59
andagedifferences,58
andculturaldifferences,56-57
andgroupdifferences,58-59
andmale-femalerelations,55-56
recognitionof,59
roleofactivelisteninginunderstanding,59
andstyledifferences,50-54
positive,accentuationof,85-86
positiveframing,60-61,87
POVdifferences,seepointofviewdifferences
prejudice,48-49,70
processresearch,93
productivity,unresolvedconflictandlost,4
professionalreferrals,72
pseudoquestions,154
publicizingofConflict-ResolvingSystem,129
R
rancor,31,32
recurringcycleofconflict,analysisof(PlanD),11-12,89-110
actualsettings,utilizationof,106-107
andcollaborationbetweenconflictingparties,93-102
datagatheringfor,92-93
facilitator'srolein,102-104,106-110
infamilybusiness(example),94,96-97
flowchartsfor,90f.,92f.
andmediationbymanagerofconflictingemployees(example),98-102
peacemakinginstinctsincycle,useof,108-109
phasesofcycle,90-92
reasonsforcycle,89-90
andreturningtooriginalproblem,109-110
sharedfears,identificationof,106
warningsigns,identificationof,106
andwithin-groupconflicts,9
redefiningtheproblem,42-43
reframing,22,60-61,86,87
risksofunilateralchange,117-118
S
sadness,29-30
scepter,39
selection,conflictasopportunityfor,2
self-esteem,andinadequaciesofothers,97
self-interest,enlightened,71
sensitivity,awarenessand,49
"sensors,"52
sevendeadlyisms,69-71
sexism,70
shame,30
sharedgoals,focuson(PlanA),10,21-26,42-43
andemotions,28
flowchartfor,23f.
andrecognitionofdifferences,26-27
"siblingrivalry,"61-63,73