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NA
TIO
NA
L O
RG
AN
IZA
TIO
N F
OR
VIC
TIM
ASSISTANC~
Wor
kin
g w
ith
Gri
evin
g C
hild
ren
Aft
er V
iole
nt D
eath
:
A G
uid
eboo
k fo
r C
rill
le V
icti
lll
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
iona
ls
Mar
lene
A.Y
oung
, Ph.
D.,
J.D
. E
xecu
tive
Dire
ctor
N
atio
nal O
rgan
izat
ion
for V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
Prep
ared
Aug
ust,
1996
U
nder
Coo
pera
tive
Agr
eem
ent
Num
ber 9
5-V
F-G
X-K
OO
I, fo
r
Offi
ce fo
r Vic
tims o
f Crim
e
ove
-
Advo
cRtta
g/or
tbeF
,ur -;;
;;-:=
====
====
====
====
= Tf
fiIlII
Iftt 0
/ CrIm
e Vl
ct/n
u
Uni
ted
Sta
tes
Dep
artm
ent
of J
usti
ce
Off
ice
of J
usti
ce P
rogr
ams
Off
ice
for
Vic
tims
of C
rim
e
NC
J 16
5814
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If you have issues viewing or accessing this file contact us at NCJRS.gov.
Ack
now
led
gmen
ts
The
aut
hor i
s gra
tefu
l for
the
sign
ific
ant c
ontr
ibut
ions
to th
is p
ublic
atio
n m
ade
by o
ur a
dvis
ors:
R
ober
t Pyn
oos,
Ph.
D.,
ofth
e U
nive
rsity
of C
ali f
omi a
at L
os A
ngel
es, a
nd K
aren
Tho
ben,
Ed.
D.,
ofth
e Pr
ince
Geo
rges
Cou
nty
Publ
ic S
choo
l Sys
tem
in s
ubur
ban
Mar
ylan
d. W
e ap
prec
iate
the
crea
tive
ef
fort
s of
Hr P
rodu
ctio
ns, W
ashi
ngto
n, D
.C.,
prod
ucer
s of
the
vide
o th
at a
ccom
pani
es th
is G
uide
book
. Sp
ecia
l tha
nks
to C
OPS
Kid
s, a
nat
iona
l org
aniz
atio
n w
hich
sup
port
s ch
ildre
n o
f sla
in la
w e
nfor
cem
ent
offi
cers
, for
allo
win
g N
OV
A to
"pi
lot t
est"
man
y of
the
activ
ities
in th
is G
uide
book
at t
heir
ann
ual
mee
ting
in M
ay o
f 199
6 at
the
FBI T
rain
ing
Aca
dem
y in
Qua
ntic
o, V
A.
Als
o co
ntri
butin
g m
any
usef
ul s
ugge
stio
ns to
the
final
dra
ft w
ere
Mar
ti Sp
eigh
ts, D
irec
tor o
f the
Sp
ecia
l Pro
ject
s D
ivis
ion
at O
VC
, and
Dua
ne R
agan
, PhD
., a
Pro
gram
Spe
cial
ist i
n th
at D
ivis
ion.
N
OV
A, o
f cou
rse,
ass
umes
full
resp
onsi
bilit
y fo
r the
Gui
de a
nd th
e ac
com
pany
ing
vide
o, a
nd a
ny
opin
ions
exp
ress
ed h
erei
n ar
e no
t nec
essa
rily
thos
e of
OV
C.
Our
than
ks to
all
ofth
e in
divi
dual
s an
d to
the
man
y pr
ogra
ms
who
resp
onde
d to
our
requ
est f
or
info
rmat
ion
abou
t ser
vice
s ava
ilabl
e th
roug
hout
the
Uni
ted
Stat
es fo
r gri
evin
g ch
ildre
n. M
any
peop
le
took
the
time
to s
end
us e
xtre
mel
y us
eful
wri
tten
mat
eria
l and
man
y al
so s
pent
tim
e w
ith u
s on
the
phon
e to
mak
e su
re w
e ha
d th
e in
form
atio
n w
e ne
eded
. T
heir
ent
husi
asm
for t
he p
roje
ct w
as in
spir
atio
nal.
Abo
ut t
he O
rgan
izat
ions
N
atio
nal
Org
aniz
atio
n fo
r V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e T
he N
atio
nal O
rgan
izat
ion
for V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
is a
pri
vate
, non
-pro
fit m
embe
rshi
p or
gani
zatio
n o
f vi
ctim
and
witn
ess a
ssis
tanc
e pr
actit
ione
rs, v
ictim
serv
ice
prog
ram
s, c
rim
inal
just
ice
prof
essi
onal
s,
rese
arch
ers,
form
er v
ictim
s, h
ealth
and
men
tal h
ealth
pro
fess
iona
ls, c
lerg
y m
embe
rs, a
nd o
ther
s com
mit
ted
to th
e re
cogn
ition
and
impl
emen
tatio
n o
f vic
tim ri
ghts
. N
OV
A's
activ
ities
are
gui
ded
by fo
ur p
ur
pose
s: n
atio
nal a
dvoc
acy,
pro
vidi
ng d
irec
t cri
sis
serv
ices
to v
ictim
s, s
ervi
ng a
s an
edu
catio
nal r
esou
rce
to v
ictim
ass
ista
nce
and
allie
d pr
ofes
iona
ls, a
nd p
rom
otin
g be
tter c
omm
unic
atio
n am
ong
its m
embe
rshi
p.
For
info
rmat
ion
abou
t NO
VA
or o
ther
NO
VA
pub
licat
ions
, con
tact
: N
atio
nal O
rgan
izat
ion
for V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
1757
Par
k R
oad,
N.W
. (2
02)
232-
6682
no
va@
dige
x.ne
t W
ashi
ngto
n, D
.C.
2001
0
(202
) 46
2-22
55 f
ax
http
://w
ww
.acc
ess.
dige
x.ne
tJ.-n
ova
Off
ice
for
Vic
tim
s o
f Cri
me
The
Off
ice
for V
ictim
s o
f Cri
me
was
est
ablis
hed
by th
e V
ictim
s o
f Cri
me
Act
(VO
CA
) to
serv
e as
th
e Fe
dera
l gov
ernm
ent's
chi
ef ad
voca
te fo
r Am
eric
a's c
rim
e vi
ctim
s. O
VC
adm
inis
ters
man
y fo
rmul
a an
d di
scre
tiona
ry g
rant
s fo
r pro
gram
s des
igne
d to
ben
efit
vict
ims,
pro
vide
s tra
inin
g fo
r div
erse
pro
fes
sion
als w
ho w
ork
with
cri
me
vict
ims,
and
dev
elop
s pr
ojec
ts to
enh
ance
vic
tims'
rig
hts
and
serv
ices
. It
s m
issi
on is
to p
rovi
de v
ictim
s w
ith ju
stic
e an
d he
alin
g. T
o ob
tain
add
ition
al c
opie
s o
f thi
s G
uide
book
or
for m
ore
info
rmat
ion
abou
t OV
C, c
onta
ct:
Off
ice
for V
ictim
s of C
rime
Off
ice
of J
ustic
e Pr
ogra
ms
U.S
. Dep
artm
ent o
fJus
tice
63
3 In
dian
a A
venu
e, N
.W.
Was
hing
ton,
D.C
. 20
531
(202
) 51
4-64
44
(202
) 61
4-63
83 f
ax
(800
) 627
-687
2 O
ffic
e fo
r Vic
tims
of C
rim
e R
esou
rce
Cen
ter
Thi
s pr
ojec
t was
sup
port
ed b
y C
oope
rati
ve A
gree
men
t Num
ber 9
5-V
F-G
X-K
OO
I aw
arde
d by
the
Off
ice
for
Vic
tim
s o
f C
rim
e, O
ffic
e o
f Jus
tice
Pro
gram
s, U
.S.
Dep
artm
ent o
f Jus
tice
. T
he A
ssis
tant
Att
orne
y G
ener
al, O
ffic
e o
f Jus
tice
P
rogr
ams,
coo
rdin
ates
the
acti
viti
es o
f the
fol
low
ing
prog
ram
off
ices
and
bur
eaus
: B
urea
u o
f Jus
tice
Ass
ista
nce,
B
urea
u o
f Jus
tice
Sta
tist
ics,
Nat
iona
l In
stit
ute
of J
usti
ce, O
ffic
e o
f Juv
enil
e Ju
stic
e D
elin
quen
cy a
nd P
reve
ntio
n, a
nd
the
Off
ice
for
Vic
tim
s o
f Cri
me.
Poi
nts
of v
iew
in t
his
docu
men
t are
thos
e o
f the
aut
hor
and
do n
ot n
eces
sari
ly
repr
esen
t the
off
icia
l po
siti
on o
r pol
icie
s o
f the
U. S
. D
epar
tmen
t of J
usti
ce.
2
'. • ~\
Wor
king
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n A
fter
Vio
lent
Dea
th:
A G
uide
book
for
Cri
me
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
iona
ls
Tab
le o
f Con
tent
s
I.
Intr
oduc
tion
...
....
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 9
II.
Bac
kg
rou
nd
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
11
III
Pre
para
tion
of t
he C
areg
iver
..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 13
A
. G
rief
an
d L
oss
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
13
B.
Tra
um
a an
d V
iole
nce
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 15
C
. A
lpha
bet o
f Pos
itive
Car
egiv
er A
ttri
bute
s an
d S
kill
s fo
r W
orki
ng W
ith
Gri
evin
g C
hil
dre
n.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 17
IV
. T
he G
riev
ing
Chi
ld .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
21
A.
Dev
elop
men
t Sta
ges
Aff
ect t
he T
raum
a an
d G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns o
f Chi
ldre
n ..
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
21
B.
Chi
ldho
od D
evel
opm
enta
l S
tage
s ..
....
....
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 22
1.
In
fant
s an
d T
oddl
ers
(0-2
) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 22
2.
P
re-S
choo
l(2-
6) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
22
3.
S
choo
l-A
ge (
6-10
) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
..
23
4.
Ear
ly A
dole
scen
ce (
10-1
3 G
irls
, 12
-15
Boy
s). ..
....
....
....
..
24
5.
Ado
lesc
ence
(13
-18)
..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 25
C
. C
hild
ren'
s R
eact
ions
to T
raum
a at
Any
Dev
elop
men
t Sta
ge
are
Aff
ecte
d by
the
Im
pact
of "
Par
ent L
oss"
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
26
1.
A
ctua
l L
oss
ofP
aren
t(s)
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
26
2.
P
erce
ived
Los
s of
Par
ent(
s) ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
26
3.
A
ctua
l or P
erce
ived
Par
ent L
oss
Can
be
Mor
e T
raum
atic
Tha
n th
e T
raum
a E
vent
Its
elf
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 26
D
. C
hild
and
Adu
lt G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns a
re E
xace
rbat
ed
by V
iole
nt T
raum
atic
Los
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 27
1.
In
tens
ity
of E
mot
ion
Incr
ease
s . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
27
2.
D
urat
ion
of G
rief
May
be
Ext
ende
d fo
r Y
ears
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
27
E
. T
rau
ma
and
Gri
ef P
atte
rns
of C
hild
ren
are
Sim
ilar
to
Adu
lts
But
are
Man
ifes
ted
Dif
fere
ntly
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
27
I.
L
engt
h o
f Gri
evin
g, A
long
With
Act
s ofM
oum
ing
and
Rem
embr
ance
, Ext
end
Thr
ough
out t
he
Dev
elop
men
tal
Sta
ges
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
27
2.
Gri
evin
g is
Int
erru
pted
by
Cur
rent
Nee
ds o
r E
vent
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
28
3.
Chi
ldre
n's C
omm
unic
atio
n St
yles
Dif
fer f
rom
the
Com
mun
icat
ion
Sty
les
of A
dult
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
28
4.
Som
e A
dults
Hav
e Sp
iritu
al B
elie
fs T
hat H
elp
The
m to
Cop
e W
ith
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
28
F.
Tra
umat
ic G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns .
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 28
1.
L
oss
and
Dea
th .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
28
2.
D
enia
l ..
....
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 29
3.
L
osse
s C
ause
d by
Dea
th a
re C
oncr
etel
y Id
enti
fied
in
a C
hild
's L
i fe; E
xpla
natio
ns A
bout
Dea
th a
nd
Los
s ar
e O
ften
Int
erpr
eted
Lit
eral
ly.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 29
3
Tab
le o
f Con
tent
s (C
ontin
ued)
4.
Tra
uma
Rea
ctio
ns a
re R
elat
ed to
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
..
....
....
....
30
a.
P
rote
st o
r Ang
er O
ver
the
Los
s or
Dea
th
....
....
....
. 30
b.
S
orro
w a
nd S
adne
ss A
bout
the
Los
s or
Dea
th
....
....
. 30
c.
G
uilt
or
Sel
f-B
lam
e ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
31
5.
C
hild
ren
Face
Add
ition
al R
isks
Whi
ch In
crea
se
the
Tra
umat
ic G
rief
Rea
ctio
n . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 31
V
. In
terv
enti
ons
for
Gri
evin
g C
hild
ren
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 33
A
. C
areg
iver
Com
mun
icat
ion
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
33
B.
Goa
ls o
f Ass
ista
nce
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
33
I. E
stab
lish
Saf
ety
and
Sec
urit
y. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 33
2.
A
llow
Chi
ldre
n to
Tel
l Wha
t Hap
pene
d an
d to
Tal
k A
bout
Dea
th.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
34
3.
Pred
ict W
hat W
ill H
appe
n an
d Pr
epar
e C
hild
ren
for
the
Futu
re .
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
. 34
C
. M
etho
ds o
f Int
erve
ntio
n ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
35
1.
Ora
l S
tory
tell
ing
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
..
35
2.
Gui
ded
Free
Pla
y ..
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
35
3.
Sti
mul
atin
g D
iscu
ssio
n ..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
35
4.
C
reat
ive
Wri
ting
....
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
36
5.
Cre
ativ
e A
rt .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
36
6.
Dra
mat
ic E
nact
men
ts.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
36
7.
Mu
sic.
. . .
. ..
. ..
..
. ..
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
. ..
. ..
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
37
8.
Pray
er, R
epet
itiv
e M
edit
atio
ns, a
nd C
hant
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
37
D.
Sam
ple
Que
stio
ns, E
xerc
ises
and
Act
ivit
ies
Use
ful
in W
orki
ng W
ith
Ch
ild
ren
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
.. .
. . .
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . ..
37
1.
Fin
ding
Out
the
Chi
ld's
Ver
sion
of W
hat H
appe
ned.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 39
2.
E
xplo
ring
the
Dif
fere
nce
Bet
wee
n L
ife
and
Dea
th .
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
40
3.
Exp
lori
ng W
hat H
appe
ns to
a P
erso
n A
fter
He
Die
s. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
41
4.
Exp
lori
ng W
hy a
Sud
den
Dea
th h
as O
ccur
red
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 42
5.
Id
enti
fyin
g T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
..
....
....
....
....
....
. 43
6.
C
opin
g W
ith T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
...
....
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
..
44
7.
Mem
oria
ls a
nd R
emem
bran
ce .
...
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . ..
45
E.
Su
pp
ort
Gro
up
Act
ivit
ies
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 49
1.
A
ges
2-6
(Six
Ses
sion
s) .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
50
2.
Age
s 7-
11 (
Six
Sess
ions
) . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 63
3.
A
ges
12-1
8 (S
ix S
essi
ons)
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
77
F.
Th
e N
eed
for
Pro
fess
iona
l Hel
p W
ith
Gri
evin
g C
hil
dre
n.
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
93
VI.
P
roto
cols
for
Wor
king
Wit
h G
riev
ing
Ch
ild
ren
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. .
95
A.
Bac
kgro
und
Con
side
rati
ons.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 95
B
. D
efin
itio
ns.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
96
C.
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
iona
l's R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
..
97
D.
Pro
toco
lfo
r W
orki
ng W
ith
Chi
ldre
n 0
-6
....
....
....
...
. . .
. . .
. ..
101
E.
Pro
toco
l for
Wor
king
Wit
h C
hild
ren
7-11
..
....
....
....
....
....
..
105
F.
Pro
toco
lfo
r W
orki
ng W
ith
Chi
ldre
n 12
-18
....
.. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 10
9
4
Tab
le o
f Con
tent
s (C
ontin
ued)
App
endi
x I:
App
endi
x II
:
App
endi
x II
I:
App
endi
x IV
:
App
endi
x V
:
App
endi
x V
I:
App
endi
x V
II:
App
endi
x V
III:
Tra
um
a an
d G
rief
..
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
113
Dir
ge W
itho
ut M
usic
. .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. ..
115
Wor
kshe
et:
Fea
rs A
bout
Dea
th.
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . ..
117
Wor
kshe
et:
Fea
r A
ctio
n P
lan
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 11
9
(Exc
erpt
) A
nger
: T
he M
isun
ders
tood
Em
otio
n ..
....
....
....
121
Wor
kshe
et:
Ang
er ...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
.. 1
25
Wor
kshe
et:
Ang
er A
ctio
n P
lan
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
127
(Exc
erpt
) G
ivin
g So
rrow
Wor
ds .
....
....
....
....
....
....
.. 1
29
Bib
liog
rapy
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . .
. 14
1
Chi
ldre
n's
Boo
ks A
bout
Dea
th ...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
...
153
For
m f
or E
valu
atin
g G
uide
book
...
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
....
.. 15
5
5
•
Wor
king
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n A
fter
Vio
len
t D
eath
:
A G
uid
eboo
k fo
r C
rim
e V
icti
m A
ssis
tan
ce P
rofe
ssio
nal
s
Jim
was
tw
elve
yea
rs o
ld a
nd T
erry
was
nin
e w
hen
thei
r si
ngle
-par
ent
mot
her
was
sho
t an
d ki
lled
on
the
way
hom
efro
m w
ork.
Shel
ley
was
eig
ht y
ears
old
and
Bob
by w
as t
wo
whe
n th
eir
mot
her
was
sho
t an
d ki
lled
by
thei
r fat
her
b€!fo
re h
e ki
lled
him
self
.
Van
essa
was
four
teen
whe
n sh
e w
as s
tabb
ed a
nd
kill
ed b
y an
old
er te
enag
e bo
y in
her
sch
ool y
ard.
H
erfr
iend
s w
ere
witn
esse
s.
Ken
ny w
as s
ix w
hen
his
olde
r br
othe
r M
ason
was
ki
lled
alo
ng w
ith t
hree
oth
er k
ids
in a
dru
nk d
rivi
ng c
rash
.
Tim
e st
oppe
d fo
r th
em a
ll w
hen
viol
ent d
eath
tor
e th
eir
youn
g liv
es a
part
in a
pai
n th
at w
ill l
ive
fore
ver.
7
•
I. In
trod
ucti
on
Jim
, Ten
y, S
helle
y, B
obby
, Van
essa
and
Ken
ny a
re r
epre
sent
ativ
e of
the
hund
reds
of t
hous
ands
o
f chi
ldre
n w
ho e
xper
ienc
e tr
aum
atic
dea
th e
ach
year
. It
is e
stim
ated
that
as
man
y as
twen
ty p
erce
nt o
f to
day'
s ch
ildre
n w
ill h
ave
surv
ived
the
deat
h o
f a p
aren
t by
the
end
of h
igh
scho
ol; e
leve
n ch
ildre
n a
day
are
kille
d by
gun
s in
acc
iden
ts, s
uici
des,
and
mur
ders
; an
aver
age
offo
ur st
uden
ts a
yea
r die
in a
sch
ool
syst
em o
f6,0
00 st
uden
ts; a
nd th
at a
chi
ld b
y th
e ag
e o
f 14
will
hav
e w
itnes
sed
18,0
00 d
eath
s-m
ost
ly
viol
ent m
urde
rs o
n te
levi
sion
. (L
inda
Gol
dman
, Lif
e an
d L
oss:
A G
uide
to G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n, 1
994)
T
hese
figu
res
do n
ot b
egin
to a
ccou
nt fo
r the
add
ition
al d
eath
s o
f fri
ends
or l
oved
one
s ca
used
by
drun
k dr
ivin
g cr
ashe
s or
vio
lent
dea
ths
witn
esse
d in
the
stre
ets
of o
ur c
ities
.
Vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als d
eal w
ith c
rim
e, v
iole
nce
and
trau
ma
rout
inel
y as
par
t oft
heir
ev
eryd
ay w
ork.
Man
y re
spon
d to
cri
sis
calls
at t
he s
cene
s o
f cri
me
and
mos
t hav
e ca
se lo
ads
in th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
. T
rain
ing
and
educ
atio
n is
cri
tical
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de th
em w
ith th
e kn
owle
dge
and
skill
s th
ey n
eed
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de q
ualit
y se
rvic
e. I
t is a
lso
impo
rtan
t for
thei
r ow
n m
enta
l hea
lth
as th
ey c
onfr
ont t
he p
ain
and
angu
ish
caus
ed b
y cr
ime.
Perh
aps
som
e o
f the
mos
t dif
ficu
lt ca
ses
for v
ictim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s are
thos
e in
whi
ch
they
pro
vide
ass
ista
nce
to c
hild
ren
and
adol
esce
nts.
Cri
me
seem
s pa
rtic
ular
ly c
ruel
whe
n it
is p
erpe
tr
ated
on
the
youn
g. T
he d
evas
tatio
n le
ft in
its
wak
e af
ter t
he m
urde
r of a
frie
nd, f
amily
mem
ber o
r ac
quai
ntan
ce o
f chi
ldre
n ca
n la
st a
life
time.
Vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als
are
not e
xpec
ted
to p
rovi
de
ther
apy
or lo
ng-t
erm
gri
ef co
unse
ling
for c
hild
ren
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed tr
aum
atic
dea
th, b
ut so
me
help
w
ith d
eath
not
ific
atio
n an
d m
any
prov
ide
guid
ance
and
com
fort
as c
hild
ren
talk
abo
ut th
eir r
eact
ions
, be
gin
the
mou
rnin
g pr
oces
s and
dev
elop
way
s of r
emem
beri
ng th
eir l
oved
one
s.
Thi
s gui
debo
ok is
not
a tr
aini
ng m
anua
l.
• It
is d
esig
ned
to s
erve
as
a qu
ick r~ference
for v
ictim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s in
thei
r wor
k w
ith c
hild
ren,
par
ents
, sch
ool t
each
ers
and
coun
selo
rs, c
lerg
y m
embe
rs a
nd o
ther
s as
they
add
ress
the
need
s of g
riev
ing
child
ren.
• It
sum
mar
izes
the
stat
e o
f kno
wle
dge
ongr
ieJ a
nd tr
aum
a re
acti
ons o
j chi
ldre
n, s
ugge
sts
met
hods
and
act
iviti
es fo
r int
erve
ntio
n an
d su
ppor
tive
coun
selin
g, a
nd p
rese
nts
sam
ple
age-
spec
ific
su
ppor
t gro
up c
urri
cula
.
• It
out
line
s a s
ampl
e pr
otoc
ol fo
r vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ogra
ms
and
othe
rs w
ho w
ork
with
ch
ildre
n to
use
to e
stab
lish
guid
elin
es fo
r res
pond
ing
dire
ctly
to g
riev
ing
child
ren.
• It
incl
udes
abi
blio
grap
hyof
furt
her
reso
urce
s fo
r vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als
and
thei
r al
lies a
s w
ell a
s a
bibl
iogr
aphy
of u
sefu
l rea
ding
s fo
r chi
ldre
n.
The
term
"ca
regi
ver"
is u
sed
thro
ugho
ut th
is g
uide
book
to d
enot
e a
pers
on p
rovi
ding
sup
port
to
the
chil
d, b
ecau
se w
hile
vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
prQ
fess
iona
ls a
re it
s pr
imar
y au
dien
ce,
its
mes
sage
is
desi
gned
Jor
thos
e w
ho w
ork
in c
oope
rati
on w
ith
them
as
wel
l.
9
II.
Bac
kgro
und
"Nob
ody
is b
orn
with
a g
enet
ic d
iath
esis
to
psyc
hic
trau
ma.
If
you
sc
are
a ch
ild
badl
y en
ough
, he
wil
l be
tra
um
ati
zed
-pla
in a
nd
si
mpl
e.
But
if yo
u co
mbi
ne t
he t
raum
a w
ith a
dea
th o
r a
new
di
sabi
lity
, th
en y
ou w
ill s
ee d
epre
ssio
n, p
aran
orm
al th
inki
ng,
an
d/
or c
hara
cter
cha
nge
-co
unt o
n it.
"-
Len
ore
Ter
r
Dea
th is
a d
iffi
cult
con
cept
to u
nder
stan
d an
d ac
cept
for a
dults
and
chi
ldre
n al
ike.
The
end
of
life
can
be c
once
ptua
lized
in m
any
way
s, b
ut th
e pe
rman
ency
ofl
oss
and
the
dyin
g pr
oces
s ca
nnot
be
expl
aine
d un
til it
is e
xper
ienc
ed.
Whe
n a
natu
ral d
eath
occ
urs
at th
e en
d o
f a lo
ng li
fe, i
t may
be
ex
pect
ed a
nd p
repa
ratio
ns m
ade
to a
djus
t to
the
ultim
ate
loss
. G
rief
over
the
dece
ased
may
be
pain
ful
and
prol
onge
d, b
ut th
ere
has
been
tim
e be
fore
dea
th to
con
side
r its
con
sequ
ence
s fo
r tho
se w
ho
cont
inue
to li
ve.
Whe
n de
ath
is s
udde
n an
d co
mpl
icat
ed b
y tr
aum
a, th
ere
is n
o tim
e to
ada
pt to
the
shoc
k an
d pa
in o
f sep
arat
ion
and
final
ity.
Sorr
ow m
ay b
e a
fund
amen
tal e
xper
ienc
e bu
t the
exp
erie
nce
of e
xtra
ordi
nary
cri
sis m
ay b
e eq
ually
ove
rwhe
lmin
g. T
he in
abili
ty to
mak
e se
nse
out o
f the
dea
th, t
o un
ders
tand
why
it h
appe
ned,
and
to c
ompr
ehen
d ho
w it
has
inte
rrup
ted
1 ife
can
frus
trat
e, a
nger
and
dr
ive
surv
ivor
s to
des
pair
.
Chi
ldre
n ar
e pa
rtic
ular
ly su
scep
tible
to th
e im
pact
of t
raum
atic
dea
th fo
r sev
eral
reas
ons.
Chi
ldr
en d
o no
t den
y tr
aum
a; ra
ther
, the
y te
nd to
rec
ord
its fu
ll ho
rror
and
impa
ct.
Tra
uma
is te
rror
izin
g to
th
em, r
ende
ring
them
hel
ples
s an
d un
prot
ecte
d. D
eath
is u
nfam
iliar
. T
heir
cop
ing
skill
s ar
e of
ten
unde
rdev
elop
ed.
The
y ar
e st
ill in
the
proc
ess
of d
evel
opin
g th
eir o
wn
pers
onal
ities
and
iden
titie
s. T
hey
ofte
n do
not
hav
e sp
iritu
al re
sour
ces
on w
hich
to re
ly.
Adu
lt ca
regi
vers
are
cri
tical
in h
elpi
ng c
hild
ren
thro
ugh
the
trau
ma
of vi
olen
t dea
th a
s w
ell a
s th
e gr
ievi
ng p
roce
ss.
Yet
, man
y ad
ults
are
unp
repa
red
for v
iole
nt d
eath
them
selv
es.
Adu
lt ca
regi
vers
mus
t co
nsid
er th
eir o
wn
reac
tions
to d
eath
and
trau
ma
care
fully
bef
ore
wor
king
with
gri
evin
g ch
ildre
n.
Aft
er c
areg
iver
s co
nsid
er th
eir o
wn
reac
tions
, the
y sh
ould
lear
n as
muc
h as
they
can
abo
ut th
e re
actio
ns o
f chi
ldre
n, a
nd e
xplo
re re
sour
ces
and
tech
niqu
es to
pro
vide
ass
ista
nce
to th
e gr
ievi
ng c
hild
.
11
III.
Pre
par
atio
n o
f the
Car
egiv
er
Thi
s se
ctio
n is
not
des
igne
d as
a p
rim
er o
n gr
ief a
nd tr
aum
a re
actio
ns.
It is
exp
ecte
d th
at
care
give
rs w
ho a
re w
orki
ng w
ith c
hild
ren
will
hav
e ba
sic
educ
atio
n an
d tr
aini
ng o
n gr
ief a
nd tr
aum
a is
sues
. R
athe
r, th
e se
ctio
n is
incl
uded
in th
is g
uide
book
to a
ssis
t car
egiv
ers
in c
larif
Yin
g th
eir o
wn
resp
onse
s to
gri
ef an
d tr
aum
a.
A.
Gri
ef a
nd L
oss
Mos
t adu
lts h
ave
lived
thro
ugh
the
deat
h o
f som
eone
they
kno
w.
The
y re
aliz
e th
e sh
ock
of r
ecog
nitio
n th
at th
ey w
ill n
ever
see
that
per
son
agai
n an
d of
ten
have
end
ured
dis
turb
ing
thou
ghts
con
cern
ing
the
dyin
g pr
oces
s. B
ut m
any
cons
ciou
sly
put a
side
thei
r sor
row
in o
rder
to "
go o
n"
with
life
and
to m
aint
ain
ever
yday
func
tioni
ng.
As a
resu
lt, m
any
adul
ts c
arry
with
them
the
pain
of
unre
solv
ed g
rief
. Su
ch g
rief
may
eru
pt u
nexp
ecte
dly
whe
n an
indi
vidu
al is
exp
osed
to s
ituat
ions
that
re
min
d hi
m o
r her
oft
he d
eath
and
the
loss
. E
ven
whe
n in
divi
dual
s ha
ve m
ade
an e
ffor
t to
conf
ront
pas
t de
aths
and
act
ivel
y m
ourn
thei
r los
ses,
pot
ent m
emor
ies
may
be
resu
rrec
ted
whe
n th
ey e
ncou
nter
oth
er
deat
hs.
It is
bot
h un
real
istic
and
und
esir
able
to tr
y to
ext
ingu
ish
such
mem
orie
s an
d th
eir c
onse
quen
ces.
T
he w
isdo
m o
f Dei
tric
h B
onho
effe
r is c
ompe
lling
on
this
po
int-
"Not
hing
can
mak
e u
pfo
r th
e ab
senc
e o
f som
eone
who
m w
e lo
ve,
and
it w
ould
be
wro
ng to
try
to
fin
d a
sub
stit
ute;
we
mus
t si
mpl
y ho
ld o
ut a
nd s
ee it
thro
ugh.
Th
at s
ound
s ve
ry h
ard
atfi
rst,
bu
t at t
he s
ame
time
it is
a g
reat
con
sola
tion
. fo
r th
e ga
p, a
s lo
ng
as i
t rem
ains
unf
illed
, pre
serv
es th
e bo
nds
betw
een
us.
It is
non
se
nse
to s
ay th
at G
odfi
ll th
e ga
p; h
e do
es n
otf
ill i
t, bu
t on
the
cont
rary
, he
kee
ps i
t em
pty
and
so h
elps
us
to k
eep
aliv
e ou
r fo
rmer
com
mun
ion
with
eac
h ot
hel~
eve
n at
the
cos
t of p
ain.
"
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld ta
ke th
e tim
e an
d ef
fort
to e
xplo
re th
eir o
wn
loss
es a
nd th
e co
nseq
uent
gri
ef
in o
rder
to b
e ab
le to
con
trol
pos
sibl
e in
trus
ive
reco
llect
ions
whi
ch m
ay in
terf
ere
with
thei
r abi
lity
to b
e he
lpfu
l to
thos
e th
ey a
re tr
ying
to h
elp
in th
e pr
esen
t. To
faci
litat
e th
is e
xplo
ratio
n, th
e fo
llow
ing
proc
ess
may
be
usef
ul.
The
pro
cess
can
be
used
with
car
egiv
ers
in tr
aini
ng a
s a
grou
p or
by
indi
vidu
al
care
give
rs in
pri
vate
. C
areg
iver
s sh
ould
try
to p
ut th
eir t
houg
hts
or m
emor
ies
into
ver
bal o
r wri
tten
resp
onse
s be
caus
e it
help
s gi
ve c
oncr
ete
fonn
to th
eir e
mot
ions
and
reac
tions
.
I.
Rem
embe
r at l
east
one
of t
he m
ost s
igni
fica
nt d
eath
s in
you
r lif
etim
e. [
It is
use
ful f
or
care
give
rs to
iden
tifY
all
sign
ific
ant d
eath
s th
ey h
ave
surv
ived
, ift
hey
rem
embe
r mor
e th
an o
ne.]
With
ea
ch d
eath
, try
to: a.
Rem
embe
r whe
re y
ou w
ere
whe
n yo
u w
ere
notif
ied
ofth
e de
ath.
Des
crib
e th
e pl
ace.
b.
Rem
embe
r how
you
wer
e to
ld o
r how
you
lear
ned
of t
he d
eath
. D
escr
ibe
the
wor
ds y
ou r
ead
or h
eard
.
13
c.
Rem
embe
r rea
ctio
ns y
ou h
ad w
hen
you
lear
ned
of t
he d
eath
. D
escr
ibe
thos
e re
acti
ons.
d.
Rem
embe
r wha
t you
and
oth
ers
did
in th
e fi
rst t
wen
ty-f
our h
ours
aft
er y
ou le
arne
d o
f the
dea
th.
Try
to d
evel
op a
chr
onol
ogy
of w
hat h
appe
ned.
Des
crib
e an
y pa
rtic
ular
ly p
ower
ful
mem
orie
s an
d th
e im
pact
oft
hose
eve
nts.
e.
Rem
embe
r wha
t you
did
fro
m th
e ti
me
of n
otif
icat
ion
unti
l the
fun
eral
, bur
ial o
r m
emor
ial s
ervi
ce.
Try
to d
evel
op a
chr
onol
ogy
of w
hat h
appe
ned.
Des
crib
e an
y pa
rtic
ular
ly p
ower
ful
mem
orie
s an
d th
e im
pact
oft
hose
eve
nts.
f R
emem
ber w
hat h
as h
appe
ned
sinc
e th
e de
ath
and
how
that
dea
th a
ffec
ts y
our l
ife
toda
y.
2.
As
you
thin
k o
r tal
k ab
out y
our m
emor
ies,
ask
you
rsel
fhow
thos
e m
emor
ies
rela
te to
w
hat i
s kn
own
as a
com
mon
pat
tern
of g
rief
.
a.
Den
ial-
Did
you
or o
ther
s fi
nd t
he d
eath
har
d to
bel
ieve
or a
ccep
t?
b.
Con
fusi
on a
nd P
rote
st-
Did
you
or o
ther
s be
com
e an
gry
abou
t the
dea
th o
r try
to
arg
ue a
bout
its
real
ity?
Did
you
or o
ther
s be
com
e an
gry
wit
h w
hat h
appe
ned
afte
r the
dea
th?
Did
yo
u o
r oth
ers
feel
ang
er a
t you
rsel
ves
beca
use
of h
ow o
r why
the
pers
on d
ied,
or b
ecau
se o
f gui
lt o
r re
lief
at th
e pe
rson
's d
eath
?
c.
Des
pa
ir-W
as
ther
e a
tim
e w
hen
you
or o
ther
s w
ere
so s
ad th
at li
fe d
idn
't s
eem
w
orth
livi
ng?
d.
Det
ach
men
t-W
as
it d
iffi
cult
to fi
nd e
nerg
y to
do
thin
gs o
r to
beco
me
emot
iona
lly
invo
lved
wit
h ot
her p
eopl
e or
cur
rent
eve
nts
in y
our l
ife?
e.
Inte
grat
ion
or R
eso
luti
on
-Do
you
rem
embe
r a ti
me
whe
n yo
u re
aliz
ed th
at y
ou
coul
d ac
know
ledg
e w
hat h
appe
ned
and
knew
that
you
wer
e go
ing
to g
o o
n w
ith
life
? D
id y
ou m
ake
chan
ges
in y
our a
ttit
udes
, val
ues,
goa
ls, b
ehav
iors
, or l
ifes
tyle
bec
ause
oft
he
pers
on's
dea
th?
3.
Des
crib
e w
ays
you
mou
rned
for t
he d
ecea
sed.
4.
Iden
tifY
thou
ghts
, rea
ctio
ns, o
r fee
ling
s ab
out t
he d
eath
that
bot
her y
ou n
ow.
a.
Are
ther
e re
gret
s th
at y
ou h
ave
abou
t how
the
pers
on d
ied?
b.
Are
ther
e re
gret
s th
at y
ou h
ave
abou
t you
r rel
atio
nshi
p w
ith
the
pers
on a
t the
tim
e of
deat
h?
c.
Did
the
deat
h he
lp to
aff
inn
or ra
ise
ques
tion
s ab
out b
elie
fs y
ou h
ad a
bout
life
and
de
ath
befo
re th
e pe
rson
die
d?
5.
Des
crib
e ho
w th
e de
ath
of t
hat p
erso
n af
fect
s yo
u to
day.
14
toda
y.
a.
Poss
ible
neg
ativ
e eff
ects
.
• Anx
iety
abo
ut y
our o
wn
deat
h or
the
deat
hs o
flov
ed o
nes.
• Fea
r for
or o
ver-
prot
ectiv
enes
s o
f you
r chi
ldre
n.
• Nig
htm
ares
, tho
ught
s or
day
drea
ms
of d
eath
.
• A se
nse
that
you
or o
ther
s w
ill d
ie s
oon.
• Avo
idan
ce o
f dea
th-r
elat
ed th
ough
ts, i
mag
es o
r ritu
als.
• With
draw
al fr
om r
elat
ions
hips
with
oth
ers.
b. P
ossi
ble
posi
tive
effe
cts.
• A re
new
ed s
ense
oft
he m
eani
ng o
flif
e an
d its
con
tinui
ty.
• Inc
reas
ed e
njoy
men
t of e
very
day
life
and
expe
rien
ce.
• A se
nse
of c
onne
ctio
n w
ith th
e de
ceas
ed p
erso
n.
• Com
forti
ng m
emor
ies.
• Inc
reas
ed d
esir
e to
bec
ome
invo
lved
with
oth
ers.
6.
Des
crib
e yo
ur u
nder
stan
ding
of d
eath
-yo
ur b
elie
fs, c
once
rns
or fe
ars.
7.
Des
crib
e ho
w y
ou h
ave
plan
ned
for y
our o
wn
deat
h.
8.
Des
crib
e ho
w y
our e
xper
ienc
e o
f dea
th a
ffec
ts th
e w
ay y
ou li
ve y
our e
very
day
life
B. T
raum
a an
d V
iole
nce
"Tra
umat
ic e
vent
s ar
e ex
trao
rdin
ary,
not
bec
ause
the
y oc
cur
rare
ly,
but r
athe
r be
caus
e th
ey o
verw
helm
the
ord
inar
y hu
man
ad
apta
tion
s to
l([
e. "
-J
ud
ith
Hem
lan
Whi
le m
ost a
dults
hav
e ex
perie
nced
dea
th in
thei
r life
times
, man
y bu
t not
all
adul
ts h
ave
expe
rien
ced
a vi
olen
t, tra
umat
ic e
vent
or s
erie
s of e
vent
s. V
iole
nt tr
aum
a ru
ptur
es a
n in
divi
dual
's ps
ychi
c eq
uilib
rium
and
soc
ial e
nviro
nmen
t. It
frac
ture
s ev
eryd
ay e
xist
ence
and
leav
es th
e in
divi
dual
in a
st
ate
of ch
aos
and
fear
. It
requ
ires
indi
vidu
als
to g
o be
yond
thei
r nor
mal
res
ourc
es to
rega
in a
sens
e o
f or
der a
nd e
quili
briu
m a
nd to
rest
ore
valu
e an
d m
eani
ng to
thei
r liv
es.
15
Car
egiv
ers w
ho h
ave
expe
rien
ced
trau
ma
may
hav
e so
ught
hel
p or
foun
d in
tern
al re
sour
ces
that
ga
ve th
em th
e st
reng
th to
reco
nstr
uct t
heir
sens
es o
f saf
ety,
aut
onom
y, tr
ust,
self
-est
eem
, and
abi
lity
to
esta
blis
h re
latio
nshi
ps w
ith o
ther
s. C
areg
iver
s who
hav
e no
t exp
erie
nced
trau
ma
may
yet
hav
e th
eir
lives
test
ed.
In e
ither
case
, bef
ore
care
give
rs b
egin
to h
elp
trau
ma
surv
ivor
s, it
is im
port
ant t
o re
view
th
eir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he im
pact
of t
raum
a an
d th
e pr
oces
ses
of r
ecov
ery.
For
thos
e ca
regi
vers
who
ha
ve e
xper
ienc
ed tr
aum
a, it
is a
lso
criti
cal t
o id
entif
Y v
estig
es o
fthe
trau
mat
ic e
xper
ienc
e th
at m
ay
inte
rfer
e w
ith th
eir a
bilit
y to
pro
vide
car
e or
non
-jud
gmen
tal s
uppo
rt to
vic
tims.
The
follo
win
g ex
erci
se c
an b
e he
lpfu
l in
unde
rsta
ndin
g an
d id
entif
Yin
g tra
uma
issu
es w
hich
may
co
ncer
n th
e ca
regi
ver.
As
indi
cate
d ab
ove,
the
exer
cise
can
be
used
with
car
egiv
ers
in tr
aini
ng a
s a
grou
p or
by
indi
vidu
al c
areg
iver
s in
pri
vate
. C
areg
iver
s sh
ould
try
to p
ut th
eir t
houg
hts
or m
emor
ies
into
ve
rbal
or w
ritte
n re
spon
ses
beca
use
it he
lps
give
con
cret
e fo
rm to
thei
r em
otio
ns a
nd r
eact
ions
.
1. R
emem
ber a
vio
lent
eve
nt th
at w
as tr
aum
atic
for y
ou o
r som
eone
you
love
d. A
s yo
u re
mem
ber,
try
to: a.
D
escr
ibe
whe
re y
ou w
ere,
who
you
wer
e w
ith, a
nd w
hat y
ou r
emem
ber s
eein
g,
hear
ing,
sm
ellin
g, to
uchi
ng, o
r doi
ng in
you
r im
med
iate
reac
tion
to th
e tra
uma.
b.
Des
crib
e wha
t hap
pene
d im
med
iate
ly fo
llow
ing
the
traum
atic
eve
nt a
nd y
our
reac
tions
and
thou
ghts
.
c.
Dev
elop
a c
hron
olog
y of
wha
t hap
pene
d an
d de
scri
be a
ny p
artic
ular
ly p
ower
ful
mem
orie
s and
the
impa
ct o
f tho
se e
vent
s.
d.
Des
crib
e w
hat h
as h
appe
ned
sinc
e th
e tr
aum
a an
d ho
w th
ose
even
ts h
ave
affe
cted
yo
ur li
fe to
day.
2.
As
you
thin
k or
talk
abo
ut y
our m
emor
ies,
ask
your
self
how
thos
e m
emor
ies
rela
te to
w
hat i
s kn
own
as a
com
mon
pat
tern
oft
raum
a re
actio
ns.
a.
Shoc
k an
d disbeli~
f-D
id y
ou im
med
iate
ly u
nder
stan
d w
hat h
ad h
appe
ned?
Did
yo
ur s
ense
oft
ime
chan
ge; e
.g.,
did
thin
gs s
eem
to h
appe
n sl
owly
or v
ery
quic
kly?
b.
A n
ger-
Wer
e yo
u an
gry
at w
hat h
appe
ned,
who
did
it, p
eopl
e w
ho c
ame
to h
elp
you,
or o
ther
s? c.
F
ear-
Wer
e yo
u fr
ight
ened
? D
id y
ou fe
ar fo
r you
r lif
e or
the
lives
of o
ther
s?
Was
ther
e a
part
icul
ar p
oint
in ti
me
whe
n yo
u w
ere
mos
t fea
rful
? W
as th
ere
a pa
rtic
ular
poi
nt in
tim
e w
hen
you
belie
ved
you
wer
e sa
fe a
gain
?
d.
Con
fusi
on o
rfru
stra
tion
-D
id y
ou b
ecom
e co
nfus
ed a
bout
wha
t to
do?
Was
th
ere
a pe
riod
oft
ime
that
wen
t by
whe
n yo
u di
dn't
know
wha
t had
hap
pene
d, h
ow it
had
hap
pene
d or
w
hy it
had
hap
pene
d?
16
e.
Gui
lt or
self-
blam
e -
Was
ther
e ev
er a
tim
e w
hen
you
thou
ght t
hat s
omet
hing
you
ha
d do
ne o
r had
n't d
one
had
cont
ribu
ted
to th
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt?
Did
you
eve
r wor
ry th
at y
ou h
ad
surv
ived
or b
een
less
inju
red
than
som
eone
els
e?
£ S
ha
me-D
id y
ou e
ver t
hink
that
som
ehow
the
even
t mad
e yo
u a
bad
or u
ndes
ir
able
per
son?
Did
you
eve
r thi
nk th
at so
meo
ne e
lse
wou
ld th
ink
less
of y
ou fo
r bei
ng tr
aum
atiz
ed?
g.
Gri
ef-
Wer
e yo
u ve
ry s
ad a
bout
wha
t hap
pene
d?
Wer
e yo
u un
happ
y an
d so
rrow
ful b
ecau
se o
f wha
t you
lost
?
3.
Des
crib
eway
s th
at h
elpe
d yo
u ge
t thr
ough
eve
ryda
y lif
e.
4.
Des
crib
e th
ings
you
did
or t
houg
hts
you
had
that
hel
ped
you
to b
egin
to h
elp
othe
rs
agam
.
5.
Jden
t(1Y
thou
ghts
, rea
ctio
ns, o
r fee
lings
abo
ut th
e tr
aum
a th
at b
othe
r you
now
.
a.
Are
ther
e si
tuat
ions
that
you
avo
id o
r abo
ut w
hich
you
hav
e an
xiet
y be
caus
e th
ey
rem
ind
you
of t
he tr
aum
a?
b.
Are
ther
e pe
ople
who
m y
ou a
void
or a
bout
who
m y
ou h
ave
anxi
ety
beca
use
they
re
min
d yo
u o
f the
trau
ma?
c.
Are
ther
e tim
es w
hen
the
mem
orie
s of
the
even
t are
par
ticul
arly
dif
ficu
lt to
live
with
?
6.
Des
crib
e ho
w th
e tr
aum
a af
fect
s yo
u to
day.
7.
Des
crib
e ho
w th
e tr
aum
a af
fect
s yo
ur v
iew
of t
he fu
ture
.
C.
Alp
habe
t o
f Pos
itiv
e C
areg
iver
Att
ribu
tes
for
Wor
king
Wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
The
follo
win
g lis
t of c
areg
iver
attr
ibut
es a
nd s
kills
is p
rese
nted
alp
habe
tical
ly to
hel
p ca
regi
vers
re
mem
ber c
ritic
al e
lem
ents
of s
uppo
rtive
cou
nsel
ing
for c
hild
ren.
• A
-A
dvoc
acy
-
• B
-B
elie
f-
The
will
ingn
ess
to a
dvoc
ate
on b
ehal
f oft
he b
est i
nter
est o
f the
ch
ildre
n th
roug
hout
thei
r tra
uma
and
grie
f.
The
will
ingn
ess
to b
elie
ve w
hat c
hild
ren
say
and
thin
k.
• C
-C
omm
unic
atio
n -T
he sk
ills t
o co
mm
unic
ate
with
chi
ldre
n th
roug
h ex
pres
sive
and
ve
rbal
tech
niqu
es in
lang
uage
app
ropr
iate
to th
eir a
ges.
• D
-D
esir
e-T
he d
esire
to le
arn
from
the
child
ren
and
thei
r exp
erie
nces
and
pe
rcep
tions
.
17
• E
-E
mpa
thy
-
• F
-F
eedb
ack
-
• G
-G
uida
nce
-
• H
-H
ones
ty -
• I
-Im
agin
atio
n -
• J
-Ju
dgm
ent -
• K
-K
now
ledg
e -
• L
-L
augh
ter-
• M
-M
emor
y-
The
abi
lity
to re
cogn
ize
and
sym
path
ize
with
feel
ings
of
child
ren.
The
abi
lity
resp
ond
to c
hild
ren
with
val
idat
ing
reas
sura
nce.
The
abi
lity
to g
uide
chi
ldre
n as
they
cla
rifY
thei
r tho
ught
s an
d co
ncer
ns.
The
com
mitm
ent t
o an
swer
the
ques
tions
of c
hi ld
ren
as
hone
stly
and
fact
ually
as
poss
ible
and
nev
er to
mak
e pr
omis
es th
at c
an't
be k
ept.
The
abi
lity
to jo
in in
the
fant
asy
and
play
of c
hild
ren.
The
abi
lity
to m
ake
good
com
mon
sen
se d
ecis
ions
and
to
judi
ciou
sly
solv
e pr
oble
ms t
hat c
hild
ren
may
face
.
The
det
erm
inat
ion
to s
eek
new
kno
wle
dge
and
info
rmat
ion
abou
t chi
ldho
od tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
The
cap
acity
to e
xpre
ss a
sen
se o
f hum
or a
nd jo
in in
the
laug
hter
of c
hild
ren.
The
abi
lity
to r
emem
ber o
ne's
ow
n ch
ildho
od, t
raum
as, a
nd
grie
fs in
ord
er to
bet
ter u
nder
stan
d th
e re
actio
ns o
f chi
ldre
n.
• N
-N
on-j
udgm
enta
l-T
he a
bilit
y to
put
bia
ses,
pre
judi
ces,
and
per
sona
l val
ues
asid
e in
ord
er to
sup
port
chi
ldre
n an
d th
eir f
amili
es.
• 0
-O
rgan
izat
ion
-
• P
-Pa
tienc
e -
• Q
-Q
uiet
-
• R
-R
elia
ble
-
• S
-S
ecur
e-
• T
-T
houg
htfu
l-
The
abi
lity
to p
rovi
de c
hild
ren
with
org
aniz
ed ro
utin
es a
nd
stru
ctur
es to
hel
p th
em s
tabi
lize
thei
r wor
ld.
The
cap
acity
to b
e pa
tient
as c
hild
ren
tend
to g
riev
e sp
orad
ical
ly.
The
will
ingn
ess
to u
se s
ilenc
e as
a m
etho
d o
f com
mun
icat
ion
and
to li
sten
qui
etly
and
atte
ntiv
ely.
The
com
mitm
ent t
o be
ing
on ti
me
and
true
to y
our w
ord
to h
elp
child
ren
rebu
ild th
eir a
bilit
y to
trus
t.
To
have
sel
f-es
teem
and
a p
erso
nal s
ense
of s
ecur
ity in
ord
er to
co
nvey
safe
ty a
nd s
ecur
ity to
chi
ldre
n.
The
will
ingn
ess
to th
ink
thro
ugh
new
situ
atio
ns a
nd p
robl
ems
with
a c
hild
-cen
tere
d ph
iloso
phy.
18
• U
-U
nder
stan
ding
-
• V
-V
alue
s-
• W
-W
atch
ful-
·x-
xxx-
• y
-Y
outh
ful-
• Z
-Z
est-
The
cap
acity
to lo
ok a
t thi
ngs
and
unde
rsta
nd th
em b
oth
in a
br
oad
cont
ext a
s w
ell a
s in
the
narr
ow p
ersp
ectiv
e o
f the
m
omen
t.
A c
lear
kno
wle
dge
of o
ne's
ow
n pu
rpos
e in
life
and
the
cons
eque
nt v
alue
s be
hind
one
's w
ork.
The
abi
lity
to b
e at
tent
ive
to th
e ne
eds
and
reac
tions
of
child
ren.
The
abi
lity
to k
now
whe
n ch
ildre
n ne
ed p
hysi
cal c
omfo
rt (h
ugs
and
kiss
es) a
nd b
eing
com
fort
able
with
reac
hing
out
to c
hild
ren
phys
ical
ly (a
nd k
now
ing
prop
er b
ound
arie
s in
pro
vidi
ng p
hysi
cal
com
fort)
.
The
mai
nten
ance
of y
outh
ful a
ttitu
des a
nd b
ehav
iors
in re
spon
se
to s
ugge
stio
ns a
nd th
ough
ts o
f chi
ldre
n.
A c
apac
ity
for
expe
rien
cing
the
zest
ofH
fe w
ith
its
joys
an
d
sorr
ows
and
mos
t of a
ll it
s ho
pe!
19
IV. T
he
Gri
evin
g C
hil
d
Tra
uma
over
whe
lms
a pe
rson
's se
nse
of c
ontr
ol, c
onne
ctio
n an
d m
eani
ng in
life
. It
caus
es a
n in
divi
dual
to e
xper
ienc
e fe
ar, h
elpl
essn
ess
and
isol
atio
n. F
or th
is re
ason
, any
dea
th m
ay b
e tr
aum
atic
for
a ch
ild.
The
dea
th o
f an
elde
rly
gran
dfat
her w
ho w
as th
e so
urce
of n
urtu
ring
, car
egiv
ing,
and
pro
tect
ion
may
be
a tr
aum
atic
eve
nt a
nd so
urce
of g
rief
for a
gra
ndch
ild w
hile
it m
ay b
e an
exp
ecte
d m
omen
t of
sorr
ow in
the
chil
d's
pare
nt's
life
. V
iole
nt d
eath
is e
xper
ienc
ed a
s a d
oubl
e tr
aum
a. T
here
is th
e tr
aum
a o
f dea
th a
nd th
ere
is th
e vi
olen
t tra
uma
that
cau
sed
the
deat
h.
Thi
s se
ctio
n ex
plor
es th
e ty
pica
l dev
elop
men
tal s
tage
s o
f chi
ldre
n an
d th
eir r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a,
and
conc
lude
s w
ith a
look
at h
ow tr
aum
a re
actio
ns a
re r
elat
ed to
gri
ef re
actio
ns.
A. D
evel
opm
ent S
tage
s A
ffec
t the
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef
Rea
ctio
ns
of C
hild
ren
Rea
ctio
ns te
nd to
mir
ror g
row
th s
tage
s an
d fo
cus
on th
e le
vel a
nd n
atur
e o
f the
pri
mar
y ne
eds
at th
e tim
e o
f the
trau
ma
as w
ell a
s th
e ab
ility
to a
bsor
b in
form
atio
n an
d re
mem
ber.
Chi
ldre
n ne
ed to
pro
cess
thei
r tra
umas
and
gri
efth
roug
h ea
ch d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ge.
Ifth
e tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief
inhi
bit,
dela
y, o
r cau
se a
chi
ld to
"sk
ip"
a de
velo
pmen
tal s
tage
, the
re w
ill b
e a
need
to g
o ba
ck a
nd
revi
sit t
hat s
tage
in li
ght o
f the
trau
mat
ic g
rief.
Chi
ldre
n al
so p
roce
ss th
eir g
rief
mor
e sl
owly
than
adu
lts.
Thi
s m
ay b
e du
e to
sev
eral
asp
ects
re
latin
g to
thei
r rea
ctio
ns to
dea
th.
Chi
ldre
n do
not
fully
gra
sp th
e pe
rman
ence
of d
eath
. C
hild
ren
are
unab
le to
sus
tain
con
scio
us s
adne
ss fo
r lon
g pe
riod
s oft
ime.
Chi
ldre
n do
not
usu
ally
den
y th
e tr
aum
a o
f de
ath
but t
hey
may
den
y th
e re
ality
oft
he d
eath
. Fu
rther
, the
y do
not
hav
e an
alte
rnat
ive
real
ity th
at
assu
res
them
oft
he p
ossi
bilit
y o
f fin
ding
new
rela
tions
hips
to re
ly u
pon.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay b
ecom
e "s
tuck
" in
one
pha
se o
f the
mou
rnin
g pr
oces
s fo
r mon
ths
or y
ears
at a
tim
e.
Den
ial o
f dea
th's
per
man
ence
may
resu
lt in
dre
ams,
day
drea
ms
and
nigh
tmar
es o
fthe
de
ceas
ed, w
aitin
g fo
r the
dec
ease
d's
retu
rn, v
isio
ns o
f reu
nifi
catio
n w
ith th
e de
ceas
ed, b
elie
fin
rein
carn
atio
ns a
nd p
aran
orm
al b
ehav
iors
(eve
nts t
hat c
anno
t be
expl
aine
d ra
tiona
lly o
r log
ical
ly).
Ang
er a
nd
prot
est a
t dea
th is
oft
en d
ispl
aced
on
pare
nts,
pee
rs, o
r adu
lts in
aut
hori
ty.
Pare
nts
who
hav
e "f
aile
d to
pro
tect
" ch
ildre
n or
are
per
ceiv
ed to
hav
e be
en n
eglig
ent i
n th
eir d
utie
s m
ay b
e th
e ta
rget
s fo
r rag
e. T
hey
may
als
o be
com
e th
e fo
cus
of a
nger
whe
n th
ey fa
il to
exh
ibit
open
gri
efbe
caus
e ch
ildre
n so
met
imes
thin
k th
at s
uch
failu
re m
eans
that
the
pare
nts
didn
't ca
re a
bout
the
deat
h. C
hild
ren
ofte
n m
anif
est t
heir
ang
er a
t sch
ool o
r in
the
neig
hbor
hood
bec
ause
par
ents
see
m to
o bu
sy to
take
no
tice.
Des
pair
may
be
man
ifes
ted
thro
ugh
extr
aord
inar
y se
lf-b
lam
e an
d bT
Uilt b
y ch
ildre
n ov
er th
e de
ath.
Som
ethi
ng th
ey d
id c
ause
d so
meo
ne e
lse
to d
ie-e
ven
ifth
e su
ppos
ed c
ause
is r
oote
d in
ev
eryd
ay b
ehav
iors
or c
hild
hood
thou
ghts
. D
espa
ir c
an a
lso
be a
con
sequ
ence
of e
mot
iona
l num
bing
su
ch th
at th
e ch
ild s
ees
no re
ason
to li
ve w
hen
life
has
no jo
y or
mea
ning
.
21
Eve
ntua
l res
olut
ion
of g
rief
in c
hild
ren
is o
ften
impe
ded
beca
use
they
do
not k
now
how
to th
ink
abou
t or p
lan
for a
futu
re.
The
y do
not
kno
w h
ow to
dev
elop
new
rel
atio
nshi
ps a
nd e
stab
lish
conn
ec
tions
with
oth
ers.
B. C
hil
dh
ood
Dev
elop
men
tal S
tage
s
1. I
nfan
ts a
nd T
oddl
ers
(Age
s 0-
2)
• In
fant
s ha
ve li
mite
d ve
rbal
cap
acity
to e
xpre
ss th
eir n
eeds
or e
mot
ions
. H
owev
er,
they
exh
ibit
sign
ific
ant p
hysi
cal d
istr
ess
if da
ily n
eeds
are
not
met
. T
hey
also
reta
in p
hysi
cal m
emor
ies o
f tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
even
thou
gh th
ey m
ay n
ever
be
able
to a
rtic
ulat
e th
ese
mem
orie
s or
retr
ieve
cle
ar
imag
es o
fthe
eve
nts.
A p
hysi
cal m
emor
y (o
r "im
prin
t") o
ccur
s w
hen
the
body
reca
lls s
enso
ry p
erce
ptio
ns o
ftra
umat
ic e
vent
s. M
uch
late
r, un
expl
aine
d ph
ysic
al p
ains
can
occ
ur th
at a
re r
elat
ed to
thes
e ph
ysic
al m
emor
ies.
• In
fant
s in
itial
ly e
xper
ienc
e th
eir m
othe
rs a
s ex
tens
ions
oft
hem
selv
es w
ith n
o cl
ear
dist
inct
ion
betw
een
self
and
othe
r. A
s th
ey g
row
old
er, t
hey
may
bec
ome
mor
e aw
are
of d
iffe
rent
iatio
n bu
t the
y st
ill s
ee th
eir p
rim
ary
care
take
rs a
s ex
istin
g so
lely
to m
eet t
heir
nee
ds.
• In
fant
s la
ck a
sens
e o
f obj
ect p
erm
anen
ce u
ntil
arou
nd o
ne y
ear o
f age
. W
hen
peop
le le
ave
the
imm
edia
te p
rese
nce
of i
nfan
ts, i
nfan
ts fe
ar th
at th
ey a
re g
one
fore
ver.
As
infa
nts g
row
to
two
year
s ol
d th
ey b
egin
to e
xplo
re th
eir o
wn
inde
pend
ence
and
aut
onom
y. H
owev
er, t
hey
need
co
nsta
nt re
assu
ranc
e th
at th
eir a
dult
care
give
rs w
ill b
e av
aila
ble
whe
n ne
eded
.
• D
eath
of a
par
ent i
s exp
erie
nced
as
a cr
itica
l los
s an
d le
aves
an
infa
nt fe
arfu
l and
an
xiou
s. I
t may
als
o be
exp
erie
nced
as
abse
nce
-th
e de
ath
is d
efin
ed n
ot b
y th
e ex
iste
nce
of a
par
ent
who
is n
ow g
one
but b
y th
e no
nexi
sten
ce o
f a p
aren
t who
sho
uld
be th
ere.
Dea
ths o
f sig
nifi
cant
oth
ers
may
als
o be
exp
erie
nced
as
loss
ifth
e ch
ild re
tain
s a
sens
ory
or e
mot
iona
l mem
ory
of t
hat p
erso
n's
pres
ence
. If
the
infa
nt o
r tod
dler
is e
xpos
ed to
the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
that
cau
sed
deat
h, th
e ex
posu
re m
ay
leav
e th
e ch
ild n
umb
and
mut
ed.
It m
ay im
pede
the
initi
al g
row
th o
f aut
onom
y an
d in
depe
nden
t fun
ctio
ning
.
• T
he c
hild
will
hav
e lit
tle c
onsc
ious
und
erst
andi
ng o
fthe
loss
or t
raum
a, b
ut a
s th
e ch
ild g
row
s ol
der m
ay p
ut w
ords
to th
e ev
ent a
s th
ey s
eek
to u
nder
stan
d th
eir i
mpr
essi
ons.
2. P
re-S
choo
l (A
ges
2 to
6)
• C
hild
ren
usua
lly b
ecom
e ve
rbal
bet
wee
n tw
o an
d fo
ur.
Pres
choo
l chi
ldre
n of
ten
talk
wel
l. T
hey
can
tell
abou
t wha
t the
y ea
t and
toys
they
pla
y w
ith, b
ut d
o no
t und
erst
and
less
tang
ible
co
ncep
ts.
Dea
th m
ay b
e th
ough
t of a
s a
diff
eren
t sta
te b
ut n
ot p
erm
anen
t. C
hild
ren
ofte
n be
lieve
in a
nd
expe
rien
ce v
isita
tions
from
the
dead
per
son
thro
ugh
ghos
ts, s
piri
ts o
r rei
ncar
natio
ns.
• T
hey
may
not
be
able
to d
iscu
ss e
vent
s or
inci
dent
s in
term
s o
f tim
e an
d sp
ace,
be
caus
e th
eir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
hose
con
cept
s ar
e re
late
d on
ly to
con
cret
e or
per
sona
l con
cern
s. I
f ch
ildre
n ar
e as
ked
whe
n so
met
hing
hap
pene
d -
in te
rms
of a
mon
th, d
ay, o
r yea
r, th
ey m
ay n
ot b
e ab
le
22
•
to a
nsw
er.
But
ifth
ey a
re a
sked
whe
ther
an
even
t hap
pene
d be
fore
or a
fter
thei
r bir
thda
ys, s
peci
fic
holid
ays,
the
begi
nnin
g o
f sch
ool o
r oth
er si
gnif
ican
t eve
nts,
they
are
like
ly to
pro
vide
a re
ason
able
re
spon
se.
• T
he fo
cus
for c
hild
ren
ofth
is a
ge is
on
thei
r im
med
iate
life
. N
ones
sent
ial d
etai
ls, f
or
them
, are
oft
en fo
rgot
ten
or p
erha
ps in
tegr
ated
with
thei
r ow
n pe
rcep
tion
of i
mpo
rtan
t eve
nts.
• C
hild
ren
at th
is a
ge a
re a
ctiv
ely
enga
ged
in d
isco
veri
ng a
larg
er w
orld
than
the
hom
e or
the
imm
edia
te fa
mily
. T
his
role
of d
isco
vere
r is
need
ed to
ach
ieve
gre
ater
inde
petid
ence
in p
hysi
cal
abili
ties a
nd re
latio
nshi
ps, b
ut it
is q
uite
cha
lleng
ing.
Chi
ldre
n m
ust l
earn
that
they
can
trus
t the
ir e
nvir
on
men
t and
thei
r rel
atio
nshi
ps to
sta
y so
mew
hat s
tabl
e if
they
are
goin
g to
ven
ture
into
new
wor
lds.
T
raum
a an
d lo
ss in
terf
ere
with
the
deve
lopm
ent o
f an
unde
rsta
ndin
g of
trus
t and
sec
urity
.
• T
he m
ost c
omm
on c
omm
unic
atio
n de
vice
for t
he p
resc
hool
chi
ld is
pla
y. P
layi
ng
rem
ains
a k
ey fo
rm o
f com
mun
icat
ion
for o
lder
chi
ldre
n as
wel
l. It
is a
nont
hrea
teni
ng la
ngua
ge w
hich
ca
n m
ask
dire
ct c
onfr
onta
tion
with
non
thre
aten
ing
issu
es.
But
whi
le p
layi
ng is
an
impo
rtan
t mod
e o
f co
mm
unic
atio
n fo
r all
child
ren,
it is
ext
raor
dina
rily
impo
rtan
t in
pre-
scho
oler
s. T
heir,
verb
al a
bilit
y ca
n be
goo
d, b
ut th
eir s
ecur
ity re
mai
ns m
ore
inta
ct th
roug
h "a
ctin
g-ou
t" th
an th
roug
h la
ngua
ge.
• Fa
ntas
y is
an
inte
gral
par
t of p
lay.
It s
erve
s a
usef
ul p
urpo
se in
pro
vidi
ng c
hild
ren
with
an
outle
t for
thei
r fea
rs, h
opes
and
dre
ams.
Fan
tasy
invo
lves
mag
ical
thin
king
and
viv
id im
agin
ings
bu
t suc
h th
ough
ts a
re g
roun
ded
in o
bser
ved
real
ity.
Lac
k o
f con
cept
ual d
evel
opm
ent m
eans
that
you
ng
child
ren
can'
t ext
rapo
late
wel
l fro
m c
oncr
ete
to a
bstr
act t
houg
ht.
Hen
ce, m
any
ofth
eir f
anta
sies
invo
lve
mim
icry
, ant
hrop
omor
phis
ms,
and
var
iatio
ns o
n pe
rcei
ved
real
ity.
• T
hey
may
als
o be
lieve
that
wha
t the
y th
ink
abou
t som
ethi
ng c
an c
ause
it to
hap
pen.
Su
ch e
goce
ntri
c th
ough
ts m
ay c
ause
you
ng c
hild
ren
to b
elie
ve th
at s
omet
hing
they
did
or s
aid
caus
ed
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ve o
ne.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay u
se m
agic
al th
inki
ng to
con
stru
ct a
ltern
ativ
e re
aliti
es w
hen
the
wor
ld a
roun
d th
em is
pai
nful
. M
ost c
an d
istin
guis
h co
ncre
te fa
ct fr
om f
anta
sy b
ut m
ay h
ave
mor
e di
ffic
ulty
und
erst
andi
ng re
al v
ersu
s im
agin
ary
caus
es fo
r eve
nt.
In to
day'
s w
orld
, som
etim
es th
ey m
ay
beco
me
conf
used
with
wha
t is "
real
" on
tele
visi
on a
nd w
hat i
s re
al li
fe.
3. S
choo
l-A
ge C
hild
ren
(Age
s 6-
10)
• Sc
hool
-age
is m
arke
d by
rapi
d co
gniti
ve a
nd c
ompe
tenc
y de
velo
pmen
t. C
hild
ren
tend
to b
e ab
le to
form
ulat
e an
d ar
ticul
ate
conc
epts
, as
wel
l as
unde
rsta
nd m
ultid
imen
sion
al id
eas,
eve
n th
ough
they
may
not
be
able
to in
depe
nden
tly id
entif
Y s
uch
dim
ensi
ons.
For
exa
mpl
e, th
ey u
sual
ly h
ave
been
exp
osed
to d
eath
and
hav
e th
ough
ts a
bout
it, b
ut m
ay s
till t
hink
of i
t as
reve
rsib
le.
Dea
th m
ay b
e ex
tern
aliz
ed in
con
cret
e fe
ars
and
imag
es o
f mon
ster
s, s
cary
ani
mal
s or p
eopl
e, o
r ani
mat
ed in
anim
ate
obje
cts.
The
ir th
ough
ts a
lso
may
be
shap
ed b
y m
ispe
rcep
tions
and
myt
hs o
verh
eard
from
oth
ers
or
seen
in th
e m
edia
. • C
hild
ren
beco
me
less
ego
cent
ric
and
deve
lop
an a
bilit
y to
see
thin
gs fr
om a
noth
er
pers
on's
per
spec
tive.
How
ever
, thi
s ab
ility
may
incr
ease
con
flic
ted
feel
ings
abo
ut a
noth
er p
erso
n's
deat
h. T
he d
eath
of a
sib
ling
may
cau
se a
chi
ld to
fear
his
or h
er o
wn
mor
talit
y, fe
el b
ad b
ecau
se th
e si
blin
g is
gone
, fee
l ang
ry w
ith p
aren
ts fo
r the
ir p
reoc
cupa
tion
with
gri
evin
g to
the
excl
usio
n of
the
surv
ivin
g ch
ild, o
r fee
l gui
lty a
bout
wis
hing
the
sibl
ing
dead
at s
ome
time.
.,>
23
• Sc
hool
-age
chi
ldre
n re
late
muc
h be
tter t
o tim
e an
d sp
ace.
In
par
t thi
s oc
curs
be
caus
e th
ey b
egin
to d
evel
op re
latio
nshi
ps w
ith o
ther
peo
ple
and
thin
gs o
utsi
de o
fthe
ir o
wn
hom
e.
The
fact
that
they
mus
t be
at s
choo
l at c
erta
in ti
mes
and
day
s gi
ves
them
a m
ore
prec
ise
fram
e o
f re
fere
nce.
Wee
kday
s no
w b
ecom
e di
stin
guis
habl
e fr
om w
eeke
nds.
• C
hild
ren
beco
me
incr
easi
ngly
abl
e to
sus
tain
em
otio
nal a
ffec
t but
may
find
it d
iffic
ult
to to
lera
te th
e pa
in o
f gri
effo
r any
leng
th o
ftim
e. A
dults
may
vie
w c
hild
ren'
s nat
ural
nee
d to
spo
radi
ca
lly d
ista
nce
them
selv
es fr
om s
adne
ss a
s an
abs
ence
of g
rief
Chi
ldre
n ra
rely
for
get t
heir
sorr
ow b
ut
visi
t and
revi
sit i
n sh
ort,
inte
nse
peri
ods
of t
ime
punc
tuat
ed b
y a
dete
rmin
atio
n to
dis
trac
t the
mse
lves
w
ith o
ther
thin
gs. •
As
child
ren
grow
old
er th
ey o
ften
bec
ome
mor
e co
nsci
ous
of r
ight
and
wro
ng.
Thi
ngs
seem
to b
e bl
ack
or w
hite
. T
here
is li
ttle
room
in th
eir t
houg
hts
for t
he g
rays
. If
they
thin
k th
at
they
did
som
ethi
ng w
rong
, gui
lt m
ay b
e ov
erw
helm
ing.
I ft
hey
thin
k th
at o
ther
s ha
ve d
one
som
ethi
ng
wro
ng, a
nger
and
bla
me
char
acte
rize
thei
r atti
tude
s to
war
d th
ose
pers
ons.
• Pl
ay is
an
impo
rtan
t par
t of c
omm
unic
atio
n fo
r sch
ool-
age
child
ren;
how
ever
, the
y ne
ed to
be
able
to e
xpla
in th
e pu
rpos
e of
thei
r pla
yas
they
bec
ome
mor
e ve
rbal
. Sc
hool
-age
chi
ldre
n of
ten
crea
te "
savi
or"
endi
ngs
whe
n th
ey re
tell
stor
ies
of t
raum
a in
an
effo
rt to
ree
stab
lish
a se
nse
of
safe
ty a
nd m
aste
ry o
ver a
n ev
ent.
As
they
gro
w o
lder
, the
y m
ay b
ecom
e m
ore
inte
rest
ed in
gam
es o
r pl
ay th
at is
gov
erne
d by
rule
s an
d co
nven
tions
. T
his
is a
par
t oft
heir
dev
elop
men
tal e
ffor
ts to
inte
rnal
ize
cont
rol a
nd b
ecom
e in
crea
sing
ly in
depe
nden
t fro
m a
dults
.
4. E
arly
Ado
lesc
ence
(10
-13
for
girl
s, 1
2-15
for
boy
s)
• T
his
stag
e o
f dev
elop
men
t may
wel
l be
one
ofth
e m
ost a
wkw
ard
and
diff
icul
t for
m
ost c
hild
ren.
The
abr
uptn
ess o
f phy
sica
l cha
nge
alon
g w
ith th
e re
late
d em
otio
nal u
phea
vals
that
ac
com
pany
incr
easi
ng n
eeds
for
inde
pend
ence
and
gre
ater
feel
ings
of i
nsec
urity
are
maj
or so
urce
s o
f st
ress
to c
hild
ren.
Mor
e ch
ildre
n in
this
age
gro
up ta
lk a
bout
str
ess-
rela
ted
sym
ptom
s: n
ause
a, h
ead
ache
s, s
leep
dis
turb
ance
s, fr
eque
nt c
ryin
g sp
ells
, and
so
on.
• Pr
eado
lesc
ence
and
ado
lesc
ence
bri
ngs
with
it a
sol
id c
once
pt o
f dea
th. B
ut su
dden
de
ath
may
und
erm
ine
an e
mer
ging
sens
e o
f aut
onom
y at
the
sam
e tim
e as
it m
ay p
rope
l chi
ldre
n in
to
earl
y ad
ulth
ood.
Dea
th is
not
equ
ated
with
imag
inar
y m
onst
ers
or in
carn
atio
ns b
ut ra
ther
is p
erce
ived
as
a bi
olog
ical
pro
cess
. Fe
ars
abou
t dea
th m
ay f
ocus
on
the
dyin
g pr
oces
s an
d th
e co
nseq
uenc
es o
fthe
de
ath
for t
he li
ving
.
• T
he e
mot
iona
l rol
ler-
coas
ter t
hat a
chi
ld d
eals
with
at t
his
age
is m
anif
este
d in
wid
e m
ood
swin
gs.
The
ir o
wn
iden
tity
is n
ot c
lear
ly e
stab
lishe
d an
d th
eir s
elf-
este
em is
sha
ky.
Bra
vado
and
ag
gres
sive
beh
avio
rs m
ay b
e us
ed to
dis
guis
e th
eir v
ulne
rabi
litie
s.
• In
ear
ly a
dole
scen
ce, c
hild
ren
beco
me
mor
e pr
eocc
upie
d w
ith p
eer r
elat
ions
hips
an
d be
gin
to d
istr
ust a
dult
inte
rpre
tatio
ns o
fthe
wor
ld.
• T
here
is a
tend
ency
to in
vest
em
otio
nal i
nten
sity
in a
ll ph
ases
oft
heir
live
s. E
vent
s ar
e of
ten
perc
eive
d sy
mbo
lical
ly.
Incr
ease
d ab
ilitie
s to
und
erst
and
abst
ract
ions
may
resu
lt in
intr
ospe
ctiv
e se
arch
es fo
r the
mea
ning
ofl
ife
and
deat
h.
24
• •
• Id
eals
and
com
mitm
ents
are
vie
wed
as
a sa
cred
trus
t. B
etra
yal o
f pro
mis
es, v
ows,
or
rela
tions
hips
is ra
rely
tole
rate
d ev
en w
hen
bein
g fa
ithfu
l to
them
may
be
hann
ful t
o th
e ch
ildre
n w
ho
hold
them
.
• W
ords
mea
n a
grea
t dea
l to
the
prea
dole
scen
t and
the
adol
esce
nt c
hild
. St
orie
s,
play
s, p
oetr
y, a
nd m
usic
lyri
cs o
ften
ser
ve a
s a
basi
s fo
r ex
pre
ssio
n-b
oth
thos
e w
ritte
n by
oth
ers
and
thos
e cr
eate
d by
the
child
.
5. A
dole
scen
ce (
13-1
8)
• N
orm
ally
, ado
lesc
ence
tend
s to
incr
ease
the
emot
iona
l uph
eava
l of p
read
oles
cenc
e.
Thi
s adj
ustm
ent p
erio
d se
ems
desi
gned
bio
logi
cally
to h
elp
us m
ove
to a
dulth
ood;
how
ever
, the
wor
ld is
so
com
plex
that
suc
h gr
owth
stil
l may
see
m to
com
e to
o fa
st.
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
wan
t ind
epen
denc
e bu
t in
real
ity a
re u
nabl
e to
wor
k w
ithin
suc
h in
depe
nden
ce a
nd h
ence
may
sim
ulta
neou
sly
wan
t mor
e gu
idan
ce
and
stru
ctur
e in
thei
r liv
es.
Thi
s m
ay b
e pa
rtic
ular
ly tr
ue i
f the
chi
ld h
as b
een
abus
ed a
nd fe
els
out o
f co
ntro
l.
• T
heir
beh
avio
r ten
ds to
see
m in
cons
iste
nt.
Ado
lesc
ents
oft
en lo
ve a
nd h
ate
the
sam
e pe
rson
at t
he s
ame
mom
ent.
Ang
er m
ay m
anif
est i
tsel
f as
rage
, and
sor
row
may
bec
ome
suic
idal
. A
s a
coro
llary
to th
eir n
eed
for
inde
pend
ence
they
oft
en h
ave
a gr
eat n
eed
for p
riva
cy a
nd h
ence
be
com
e ve
ry s
ecre
tive.
Con
fide
nces
may
be
offe
red
spor
adic
ally
and
may
be
pepp
ered
with
unt
ruth
ful
ness
whe
n sh
ared
with
adu
lts.
• T
he im
med
iacy
of d
eath
whe
n it
affe
cts
teen
ager
s is
in s
tark
con
tras
t to
thei
r des
ire
to s
ee d
eath
as
a pa
rt o
f a fa
r dis
tant
futu
re.
Som
etim
es th
eir a
ctiv
ities
cen
ter a
roun
d pr
ovin
g th
em
selv
es m
ore
pow
erfu
l tha
n de
ath.
Inv
olve
men
t in
risk
-tak
ing
activ
ities
may
be
exac
erba
ted
by th
e lo
ss
of r
isk-
inhi
bitio
ns d
ue to
trau
mat
izat
ion.
• T
hey
ofte
n ex
pres
s th
emse
lves
by
actin
g ou
t and
thro
ugh
expe
rim
entin
g w
ith n
ew
beha
vior
s. V
iole
nce
may
be
used
as
an e
xpre
ssio
n o
f man
hood
by
som
e yo
ung
mal
es.
Subs
tanc
e us
e an
d vi
olat
ion
ofth
e la
w m
ay b
e pe
rcei
ved
as a
stat
emen
t aga
inst
adu
lt st
anda
rds
or a
s ad
mis
sion
to th
e ad
ult w
orld
.
• M
ost a
dole
scen
ts a
re c
reat
ive
and
ener
getic
and
wan
t con
trol
ove
r how
thos
e en
ergi
es a
re c
hann
eled
. T
hey
are
likel
y to
que
stio
n ad
ult a
utho
rity
and
dec
isio
n-m
akin
g in
whi
ch th
ey
are
not a
ctiv
e pa
rtic
ipan
ts.
• T
heir
cre
ativ
ity in
crea
sing
ly is
man
ifes
ted
thro
ugh
thec
reat
ion
of t
heir
ow
n sy
mbo
ls,
activ
ities
and
wor
ds to
exp
ress
them
selv
es.
Slan
g, fa
shio
n fa
ds, d
ance
fads
and
alte
rnat
ive
mus
ic s
tyle
s ar
e al
l exa
mpl
es o
fthi
s ne
ed fo
r cre
ativ
e ex
pres
sion
.
25
C. C
hil
dre
n's
Rea
ctio
ns t
o T
raum
a at
An
y D
evel
opm
ent
Stag
e ar
e A
ffec
ted
by
the
Imp
act
of "
Par
ent L
oss"
1. A
ctu
al L
oss
ofP
aren
t(s)
A v
iole
nt, t
raum
atic
eve
nt m
ay c
ause
the
deat
h o
f a p
aren
t. C
hild
ren
then
mus
t cop
e w
ith th
e sh
ocko
fthe
eve
nt b
ut a
lso
with
the
sudd
en lo
ss o
f one
of t
he m
ost i
mpo
rtan
t peo
ple
in th
e w
orld
to th
em.
Pare
nts
are
norm
ally
the
sour
ce o
f nur
turi
ng, c
are,
and
sta
bilit
y. T
hey
are
the
focu
s o
f a
chil
d's
sens
e o
f sec
urity
and
pro
tect
thei
r chi
ldre
n fr
om h
arm
. If
a pa
rent
sud
denl
y di
es, t
he c
hild
is le
ft
feel
ing
scar
ed a
nd v
ulne
rabl
e. I
nfan
ts a
nd to
ddle
rs m
ay o
nly
rem
embe
r fle
etin
g im
ages
or f
eelin
gs
asso
ciat
ed w
ith th
e pa
rent
, but
they
may
exp
erie
nce
the
abse
nce
of a
fath
er o
r mot
her a
s a
loss
thro
ugh
adul
thoo
d. S
ome
olde
r chi
ldre
n m
ay re
gres
s to
infa
nt b
ehav
iors
in a
n ef
fort
to r
ecap
ture
the
time
whe
n th
ey fe
lt sa
fe.
How
ever
, man
y ol
der c
hild
ren
seem
to a
ccel
erat
e th
eir m
atur
atio
n pr
oces
s, ta
king
on
adul
t rol
es a
nd b
ehav
iors
.
Som
etim
es tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
sepa
rate
par
ents
from
thei
r chi
ldre
n or
cau
se th
em to
aba
ndon
a
child
. If
child
ren
can'
t und
erst
and
why
or h
ow th
e se
para
tion
occu
rred
, the
loss
of a
par
ent u
nder
suc
h ci
rcum
stan
ces
harm
s chi
ldre
n's a
bilit
ies
to tr
ust o
ther
s, a
nd a
lso
thei
r sel
f-es
teem
.
If a
pare
nt is
the
caus
e of
the
trau
ma,
thro
ugh
acci
dent
al o
r cri
min
al b
ehav
ior,
the
loss
of t
he
pare
nt m
ay b
e co
mpl
icat
ed b
y fe
elin
gs o
f alie
natio
n, b
etra
yal,
and
even
hat
e. R
age
may
bec
ome
a do
min
ant r
eact
ion
tow
ard
the
pare
nt a
s w
ell a
s ot
hers
that
the
child
vie
ws
as c
onsp
irat
ors
with
the
pare
nt.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay b
lam
e th
emse
lves
for t
heir
par
ent's
act
ions
and
car
ry a
bur
den
of g
uilt
into
ad
ulth
ood.
2. P
erce
ived
Los
s o
f Par
ent(
s)
Chi
ldre
n te
nd to
look
to s
igni
fica
nt a
dult
figur
es in
thei
r liv
es fo
r rea
ssur
ance
abo
ut th
eir
own
reac
tions
and
to le
arn
how
to g
riev
e. P
aren
ts a
nd te
ache
rs a
re n
atur
al m
odel
s o
f beh
avio
r. H
ow
ever
, oft
en p
aren
ts a
nd o
ther
sig
nifi
cant
adu
lts in
a c
hild
's li
fe a
re u
nava
ilabl
e to
the
child
aft
er a
trau
m
atic
eve
nt b
ecau
se p
aren
ts a
re s
o in
volv
ed w
ith o
ther
con
cern
s. T
hey
may
als
o be
per
ceiv
ed to
be
unav
aila
ble
beca
use
they
don
't un
ders
tand
chi
ldre
n's
reac
tions
, avo
id o
r den
y th
at s
uch
reac
tions
are
of
ten
inte
nse
and
com
plex
, or s
impl
y do
n't o
bser
ve th
e re
actio
ns.
Pare
nt lo
ss m
ay b
e ex
peri
ence
d w
hen
pare
nts
beco
me
cons
umed
with
thei
r ow
n lo
sses
or
reac
tions
to a
trau
ma.
It i
s of
ten
diff
icul
t to
cope
with
the
impa
ct o
f vio
lenc
e an
d to
off
er c
omfo
rt to
ch
ildre
n at
the
sam
e tim
e. S
ome
pare
nts m
ay e
ven
fall
into
beh
avio
rs in
whi
ch th
ey a
ssum
e a
child
like
role
whi
le th
eir c
hild
ren
take
on
adul
t rol
es in
thei
r rel
atio
nshi
ps.
3. A
ctu
al o
r P
erce
ived
Par
ent
Los
s C
an b
e M
ore
Tra
umat
ic T
han
the
Tra
uma
Eve
nt I
tsel
f
Pare
nt lo
ss c
an a
ffec
t how
chi
ldre
n la
ter c
ope
with
adu
lthoo
d. S
ince
chi
ldre
n te
nd to
m
odel
thei
r ow
n be
havi
ors
on p
aren
t beh
avio
rs, p
aren
t los
s m
ay h
ave
an im
pact
on
a ch
ild'
s ow
n
26
•
•
pare
ntin
g sk
ills.
It m
ay h
ave
an im
pact
on
how
the
child
dea
ls w
ith o
ther
adv
ersi
ties
and
how
chi
ldre
n co
pe w
ith tr
aum
a w
hen
they
are
adu
lts.
D. C
hil
d a
nd A
du
lt G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns a
re E
xace
rbat
ed
by V
iole
nt T
raum
atic
Los
s
1. I
nte
nsi
ty o
f Em
otio
n In
crea
ses
Sinc
e m
ost g
rief
reac
tions
are
sim
ilar t
o tr
aum
a re
actio
ns, t
raum
a an
d gr
ief h
ave
a m
ultip
lier e
ffec
t on
emot
iona
l res
pons
es.
Ang
er a
t the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
or t
he p
erpe
trat
ors
ofth
e ev
ent
are
mad
e m
ore
com
plex
by
grie
ving
pro
test
ove
r los
s. F
ear o
r ter
ror a
bout
the
vuln
erab
ility
of o
ne's
ow
n lif
e is
com
plic
ated
by
the
real
kno
wle
dge
ofth
e de
ath
of o
ther
s. C
onfu
sion
abo
ut w
hat h
appe
ned,
ho
w it
hap
pene
d, o
r why
it h
appe
ned,
mir
rors
con
fusi
on a
bout
the
mea
ning
ofl
ife
and
the
mea
ning
of
deat
h. T
here
is a
lso
grie
f ove
r the
trau
ma,
com
poun
ded
by th
e gr
ief o
ver t
he c
onse
quen
t dea
th.
2. D
ura
tion
of G
rief
May
be
Ext
end
ed f
or Y
ears
Gri
evin
g re
actio
ns fo
llow
ing
expe
cted
dea
th m
ay la
st fo
r a y
ear o
r tw
o. G
rief
spas
ms
-w
hen
peop
le a
re r
emin
ded
ofth
e de
ath
of s
omeo
ne w
hom
they
love
d -
ofte
n ar
e fe
lt fo
r a Ii
fetim
e.
Gri
evin
g re
actio
ns fo
llow
ing
an u
nexp
ecte
d de
ath
may
be
unre
solv
ed fo
r fiv
e or
ten
year
s.
The
trau
ma
of t
he lo
ss m
ust b
e de
alt w
ith b
efor
e no
rmal
gri
evin
g m
ay b
egin
. T
his
mea
ns a
n in
divi
dual
end
ures
the
cris
is re
actio
n o
f sho
ck, d
isbe
lief,
ange
r, fe
ar, f
rust
ratio
n, s
ham
e, g
uilt
or g
rief
in re
spon
se to
the
trau
ma
and
may
suf
fer l
ong-
term
str
ess
reac
tions
due
to th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a. O
ften
, in
the
proc
ess
of
copi
ng w
ith th
e tr
aum
a, p
eopl
e ha
ve li
ttle
abili
ty to
face
the
fina
lity
and
impa
ct o
f dea
th.
The
ir a
bilit
ies
may
be
impe
ded
beca
use
trau
ma
issu
es a
re f
orce
d to
be
reex
peri
ence
d re
peat
edly
bec
ause
of i
nvol
ve
men
t in
the
crim
inal
just
ice
syst
em, c
ivil
litig
atio
n, o
r ref
lect
ions
by
the
med
ia.
Gri
ef m
ay a
lso
be c
onfu
sin
g be
caus
e of
the
exte
nt o
flos
ses.
Som
eone
love
d ha
s di
ed, b
ut th
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt m
ay a
lso
have
ca
used
the
surv
ivor
to s
uffe
r a lo
ss o
f fai
th o
r tru
st in
the
wor
ld, a
loss
of i
nnoc
ence
or b
elie
fin
cert
ain
valu
es, a
loss
oft
heir
ow
n se
nse
of i
dent
ity o
r pur
pose
, a lo
ss o
f mea
ning
ofl
ife.
Eac
h o
f the
se lo
sses
ne
ed to
mou
rned
and
mar
ked
by c
onsc
ious
rem
embr
ance
of w
hat e
xist
ed a
nd n
ow is
gon
e. T
his
grie
ving
pro
cess
is s
epar
ate
and
diff
eren
t fro
m th
e gr
ief t
hat w
ill b
e ex
peri
ence
d as
one
real
izes
the
full
impa
ct o
fthe
loss
of a
love
d on
e.
E. T
raum
a an
d G
rief
Pat
tern
s o
f Chi
ldre
n ar
e S
imil
ar
to A
du
lts
Bu
t Are
Man
ifes
ted
Dif
fere
ntly
1. L
engt
h o
f Gri
evin
g, A
lon
g W
ith
Act
s o
f Mou
rnin
g an
d R
emem
bra
nce
, Ext
end
Th
rou
ghou
t th
e D
evel
opm
enta
l Sta
ges
As
child
ren
mat
ure,
they
sho
uld
repr
oces
s th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a an
d lo
ss in
the
cont
ext o
f the
ir d
evel
opm
ent.
The
loss
of a
fath
er fo
r a y
oung
todd
ler m
ay b
e gr
ieve
d ov
er in
term
s o
f
27
the
loss
of a
lovi
ng c
aret
aker
. T
he lo
ss o
f tha
t fat
her f
or th
e sc
hool
-age
chi
ld m
ust b
e gr
ieve
d ov
er in
te
rms
of t
he a
bsen
ce o
f a te
ache
r, an
aut
hori
ty fi
gure
, as
wel
l as
how
the
fath
er w
ould
hav
e be
en p
er
ceiv
ed b
y ne
w fr
iend
s an
d pe
ers.
The
loss
of t
he f
athe
r for
the
prea
dole
scen
t may
take
on
new
mea
ning
in
the
abse
nce
of a
mod
el fo
r sex
role
s or
in th
e co
nstr
uctio
n o
f the
chi
ld's
gro
win
g se
nse
of i
dent
ity.
The
loss
oft
he fa
ther
for t
he a
dole
scen
t can
aff
ect h
is o
r her
und
erst
andi
ng o
f sta
bilit
y an
d th
e gr
owth
of
inde
pend
ence
. A
you
ng a
dult
may
gri
eve
over
the
loss
of t
he fa
ther
in te
rms
of a
lovi
ng c
ompa
nion
and
so
urce
of f
riend
ship
. T
he m
eani
ng o
fthe
trau
mat
ic e
vent
may
cha
nge
as w
ell t
hrou
gh d
evel
opm
ent.
Mem
orie
s o
f a su
dden
trau
ma
are
repr
oces
sed
in a
ctiv
ities
and
atti
tude
s.
2. G
riev
ing
is I
nter
rupt
ed b
y C
urr
ent N
eed
s or
Eve
nts
Chi
ldre
n m
ust t
ake
time
out f
rom
gri
evin
g to
mee
t new
cha
lleng
es in
life
, cop
e w
ith
ongo
ing
chan
ges,
est
ablis
h ne
w re
latio
nshi
ps, p
artic
ipat
e in
sch
ool a
nd to
pla
y.
3. C
hil
dre
n's
Com
mu
nic
atio
n S
tyle
s D
iffe
r fr
om
the
Com
mu
nic
atio
n S
tyle
s o
f Adu
lts
Chi
ldre
n en
gage
in a
ctiv
ities
to d
eal w
ith tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
With
you
ng c
hild
ren,
thes
e ac
tiviti
es in
volv
e sp
onta
neou
s pla
y, u
sual
ly w
ith o
bjec
ts o
r oth
er c
hild
ren
who
are
read
ily a
vaila
ble.
O
lder
chi
ldre
n an
d ad
oles
cent
s al
so e
ngag
e in
act
iviti
es to
exp
ress
thei
r rea
ctio
ns.
The
se a
ctiv
ities
may
in
clud
e sp
orts
, dra
ma,
dan
ce o
r son
g. T
raum
a or
gri
ef-r
elat
ed a
ctiv
ities
may
be
spor
adic
and
repe
titiv
e.
4. S
ome
Adu
lts
Hav
e Sp
irit
ual B
elie
fs T
hat
Hel
p
Th
em to
Cop
e W
ith
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef
Chi
ldre
n ha
ve n
ot fu
lly d
evel
oped
suc
h be
liefs
, and
trau
ma
or g
rief
intr
ude
upon
thei
r co
ncep
tions
ofl
ife
and
deat
h.
F. T
raum
atic
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
1. L
oss
and
Dea
th
The
exp
erie
nces
and
con
cept
s of
loss
and
dea
th a
re c
lose
ly in
tert
win
ed.
Dea
th is
oft
en
expr
esse
d as
the
loss
ofl
ife.
Som
eone
who
has
die
d ha
s be
en "
lost
" to
his
or h
er s
urvi
vors
. T
he e
nd o
f re
latio
nshi
ps o
r cer
tain
tim
es in
life
are
oft
en ta
lked
abo
ut th
roug
h de
ath
imag
ery:
div
orce
may
be
expe
rien
ced
as th
e de
ath
of a
mar
riag
e; m
emor
ies
ofth
e pa
st m
ay b
e th
ough
t of a
s ol
d, f
aded
or d
ead.
G
rief
reac
tions
are
nor
mal
whe
n an
ythi
ng h
as b
een
lost
. W
hen
som
eone
or s
omet
hing
is g
one
fore
ver,
the
grie
f may
see
m o
verp
ower
ing.
The
con
cept
of d
eath
for c
hild
ren
may
be
mor
e di
ffic
ult t
o un
der
stan
d w
hen
ther
e is
no
tang
ible
or p
hysi
cal e
vide
nce
of f
inal
ity.
It is
als
o di
ffic
ult f
or c
hild
ren
to c
ompr
ehe
nd o
r acc
ept t
he p
erm
anen
ce o
f dea
th.
28
2. D
enia
l
Adu
lts
ofte
n re
act t
o no
tifi
cati
on o
f tra
umat
ic d
eath
wit
h de
nial
. T
hey
can
't b
elie
ve th
at
som
eone
they
love
is d
ead
or t
hat t
hey
died
due
to v
iole
nce
or t
raum
a. D
enia
l occ
urs
beca
use
the
deat
h do
es n
ot fi
t int
o th
e ad
ult's
per
spec
tive
of n
orm
al e
very
day
life.
Tra
uma
may
not
be
extr
aord
inar
y
viol
ence
and
dea
th h
appe
n ro
utin
ely
in to
day'
s w
orld
-b
ut
trau
mat
ic d
eath
in a
par
ticu
lar i
ndiv
idua
l's
life
is e
xtra
ordi
nary
to th
at p
erso
n.
Chi
ldre
n la
ck th
e ab
ilit
y to
den
y tr
aum
a an
d de
ath
beca
use
they
do
n't
hav
e a
full
y fo
rmed
pe
rspe
ctiv
e o
f nor
mal
life
. T
hey
live
in a
tem
pora
l wor
ld th
at is
the
pres
ent.
Wha
t occ
urs
toda
y is
re
alit
y ev
en if
it is
an
awfu
l rea
lity.
Ift
hey
have
had
littl
e ex
peri
ence
wit
h lo
ss o
r dea
th, t
hey
have
litt
le
expe
rien
ce in
dea
ling
wit
h th
e em
otio
ns th
at a
ccom
pany
loss
or d
eath
. T
hey
do
n't
den
y it,
but
they
may
be
una
ble
to s
usta
in th
e sa
dnes
s o
r the
fea
rs t
hat t
hey
face
.
Fan
tasy
may
be
used
to c
ope
wit
h th
ose
reac
tion
s an
d to
esc
ape
from
thei
r int
ensi
ty.
Imag
inar
y o
r mag
ical
thin
king
is a
key
sou
rce
of e
mot
iona
l and
men
tal p
roce
ssin
g. C
hild
ren
tend
to r
epla
y th
e tr
aum
a o
r dea
th th
roug
h da
ydre
ams
as w
ell a
s ni
ghtd
ream
s. T
hey
may
not
be
as li
kely
to e
xper
ienc
e in
trus
ive
thou
ghts
or f
lash
back
s ab
out t
he e
vent
as
adul
ts.
Rat
her,
they
let t
heir
min
ds w
ande
r int
o th
ough
ts o
fth
e ev
ents
and
imag
ine
way
s to
rest
ore
the
past
or t
o tr
y to
rec
reat
e re
lati
onsh
ips
that
mig
ht
no
w e
xist
but
for t
he e
vent
. S
omet
imes
fant
asie
s ar
e sc
arie
r tha
n re
ality
. Im
ages
of a
lov
ed o
ne b
urie
d al
ive
in a
cof
fin,
con
fusi
on o
ver t
he s
tate
of s
leep
wit
h de
ath,
con
cern
ove
r whe
re th
e lo
ved
one
is n
ow
are
exam
ples
of s
ourc
es o
f sca
ry fa
ntas
ies.
On
the
othe
r han
d, y
oung
er c
hild
ren
may
cre
ate
imag
inar
y pl
aym
ates
or s
ubst
itut
e pa
rent
figu
res
in t
heir
dre
ams
to h
elp
cope
wit
h th
eir l
onel
ines
s. O
lder
chi
ldre
n m
ay id
eali
ze m
emor
ies
oft
he
pers
on w
ho h
as d
ied.
Oft
en d
ream
s an
d fa
ntas
ies
focu
s on
pos
sibl
e re
unio
ns. S
ome
chil
dren
may
exp
erie
nce
"vis
itat
ions
" by
gho
sts
or sp
irit
s o
fth
e de
ad.
Oth
ers
may
de
velo
p a
beli
efin
rei
ncar
nati
on o
fth
e de
ceas
ed.
Som
etim
es fa
ntas
y is
use
d to
exp
lore
alt
erna
tive
rol
es
that
they
mig
ht h
ave
play
ed in
res
pond
ing
to th
e tr
aum
a o
r in
prev
enti
ng a
dea
th.
Fan
tasy
may
als
o be
us
ed to
imag
ine
diff
eren
t end
ings
to th
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt th
at c
ould
hav
e ha
ppen
ed a
nd w
ould
hav
e ha
d m
ore
posi
tive
con
sequ
ence
s.
3. L
osse
s C
ause
d b
y D
eath
are
Con
cret
ely
Iden
tifi
ed
in a
Ch
ild
's L
ife;
Exp
lana
tion
s A
bou
t Dea
th a
nd
Los
s ar
e O
ften
Int
erpr
eted
Lit
eral
ly
Som
eone
has
die
d. I
f a c
hild
see
s th
e pe
rson
who
is d
ead,
they
not
ice
the
abse
nce
of
acti
vity
. H
owev
er, t
he d
iffe
renc
e be
twee
n li
fe a
nd d
eath
may
not
be
othe
rwis
e ob
viou
s. T
heir
con
cern
ab
out t
he p
hysi
cal a
spec
t of d
eath
may
be
man
ifes
ted
thro
ugh
ques
tion
s ab
out h
ow s
omeo
ne e
ats,
br
eath
es, o
r goe
s to
the
bath
room
whe
n s/
he is
dea
d. S
ince
they
do
n't
com
preh
end
deat
h's
perm
ane
nce,
they
may
wor
ry a
bout
wha
t wil
l hap
pen
to th
e pe
rson
whe
n th
ey li
ve a
gain
. C
areg
iver
s ne
ed to
be
ale
rt to
beh
avio
rs o
r cas
ual c
omm
ents
that
mig
ht in
dica
te c
hild
ren
have
uns
poke
n qu
esti
ons.
Sim
ple,
st
raig
htfo
rwar
d an
swer
s o
r ack
now
ledg
men
ts th
at th
e ca
regi
ver h
as s
imil
ar q
uest
ions
is h
elpf
ul to
ch
ildre
n. Bec
ause
chi
ldre
n's
pers
pect
ives
are
tied
to c
oncr
ete,
fact
ual o
bser
vati
ons,
it is
par
ticu
larl
y im
port
ant t
o in
volv
e th
em in
act
ivit
ies
that
ack
now
ledg
e th
e m
ourn
ing
proc
ess
and
prov
ide
them
wit
h
29
ritu
als ~n
d sy
mbo
ls th
at h
elp
to m
emor
iali
ze w
hat h
as h
appe
ned.
Chi
ldre
n so
met
imes
thin
k th
at a
dult
s d
on
't c
are
wha
t hap
pene
d to
the
dece
ased
bec
ause
adu
lts
do n
ot in
volv
e th
e ch
ildr
en in
fune
ral a
rran
ge
men
ts o
r mem
oria
ls a
nd m
ay b
e un
com
fort
able
wit
h de
mon
stra
ting
thei
r ow
n gr
ief i
n fr
ont o
f chi
ldre
n.
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
rese
nt w
hat t
hey
perc
eive
as
atte
mpt
s to
rep
lace
love
d on
es o
r to
forg
et th
em.
Whe
n th
e de
ceas
ed's
clo
thes
or p
rope
rty
are
rem
oved
qui
ckly
, chi
ldre
n m
ay s
ee th
at a
s a
betr
ayal
of t
he d
ecea
sed.
As
chil
dren
bec
ome
mor
e aw
are
of t
he fa
ct th
at th
e de
ceas
ed w
ill n
ot re
turn
to th
eir l
ife,
they
als
o be
com
e m
ore
awar
e o
fth
e co
nseq
uenc
es o
f the
dea
th.
The
y m
iss
the
beha
vior
of t
he d
ecease
d
habi
ts, r
outi
nes,
act
ivit
ies
that
they
had
lear
ned
to e
xpec
t in
thei
r liv
es.
The
y m
ay m
iss
phys
ical
rem
inde
rs
of t
he d
ecea
sed,
par
ticu
larl
y if
adul
ts h
ave
rem
oved
clo
thes
, per
sona
l pro
pert
y, o
r pho
togr
aphs
from
the
chil
d's
hom
e o
r sch
ool.
The
y al
so m
iss
the
dece
ased
whe
n th
ey a
re n
ot a
par
t of t
heir
life
. If
a ch
ild'
s fa
ther
has
die
d, d
inne
r tim
e m
ay b
e pa
rtic
ular
ly tr
aum
atic
bec
ause
the
fath
er d
oesn
't si
t in
his
usua
l pla
ce.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay lo
ng fo
r opp
ortu
niti
es to
dis
cuss
ong
oing
life
eve
nts
wit
h a
pers
on w
ho
has
die
d bu
t who
se
rved
as
an a
dvis
or o
r cou
nsel
or fo
r chi
ldre
n du
ring
thei
r lif
e.
Los
s m
ay a
lso
be
mar
ked
by in
crea
sed
expe
ctat
ions
in a
chi
ld's
life
, suc
h as
rol
e ch
ange
s o
r the
ne
ed to
bec
ome
mor
e m
atur
e. S
omet
imes
thes
e ex
pect
atio
ns a
re d
rive
n by
chi
ldre
n's
own
inte
rpre
tati
on
oft
he
deat
h an
d th
eir n
eed
to a
ct o
r beh
ave
diff
eren
tly
in o
rder
to b
ecom
e sa
fer o
r to
subs
titu
te th
eir o
wn
life
for
the
one
that
has
bee
n lo
st.
Som
etim
es th
e ex
pect
atio
ns a
re d
efin
ed b
y fa
mil
y o
r soc
ial c
onne
cti
ons.
A g
riev
ing
mot
her m
ay tu
m to
her
son
aft
er th
e de
ath
of h
er h
usba
nd a
nd w
ant h
im to
ass
ume
the
role
oft
he
"man
in th
e fa
mily
."
4. T
raum
a R
eact
ions
are
Rel
ated
to
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
Tra
umat
ic d
eath
com
poun
ds g
rief
but r
eact
ions
to th
e tr
aum
a of
ten
take
pre
cede
nce
over
gr
ief.
T
here
is s
hock
and
dis
beli
ef ab
out t
he n
atur
e o
fth
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nt.
Em
otio
nal r
eact
ions
suc
h as
an
ger,
fear
, fru
stra
tion
, gui
lt, s
ham
e an
d gr
ief o
ver t
he tr
aum
atic
eve
nt p
rolo
ng e
ffor
ts to
beg
in li
fe a
gain
. G
rief
may
be
post
pone
d ov
er a
nd o
ver a
gain
, but
it is
als
o a
part
of t
he tr
aum
atic
rea
ctio
n. W
hile
ther
e ar
e co
mm
on e
lem
ents
of g
rief-
just
as
ther
e ar
e co
mm
ent e
lem
ents
oft
rau
ma
reac
tio
ns-
ever
y c
hild
is
dif
fere
nt.
Som
e re
acti
ons
may
be
illu
stra
ted
in th
e fo
llow
ing.
a. P
rote
st o
r A
nger
Ove
r th
e L
oss
or D
eath
Ang
er m
ay b
e di
rect
ed a
t the
per
son
wh
o d
ied
-Ho
w c
ould
he
do t
his
to m
e? H
ow
coul
d he
leav
e m
e? I
t may
be
dire
cted
at p
aren
ts o
r adu
lt c
aret
aker
s w
ho f
aile
d to
pro
tect
them
selv
es
or
the
chil
d. I
t may
be
addr
esse
d to
Go
d o
r th
e su
pem
atu
ral-
Why
did
he
have
to d
ie a
nd
som
eone
el
se is
sti
ll a
live
? S
omet
imes
it is
dir
ecte
d in
tern
ally
by
chil
dren
them
selv
es a
s th
ey w
orry
abo
ut w
hat
they
mig
ht h
ave
done
to c
ause
the
deat
h.
b. S
orro
w a
nd S
adne
ss A
bout
the
Los
s or
Dea
th
Chi
ldre
n ne
ed to
kno
w th
at c
ryin
g is
a n
orm
al w
ay to
exp
ress
sad
ness
. T
hey
need
to
know
that
feel
ing
leth
argi
c o
r uni
nter
este
d in
thin
gs a
roun
d th
em is
als
o a
sign
of t
heir
gri
ef.
Som
e ch
ildr
en m
isbe
have
or w
ithd
raw
from
ord
inar
y ac
tivi
ties
. It
is o
ften
impo
rtan
t to
reas
sure
chi
ldre
n th
at it
is
oka
y to
laug
h an
d pl
ay, a
nd th
at it
do
esn
't m
ean
they
did
n't l
ove
the
pers
on w
ho
die
d.
30
•
•
c. G
uilt
or
Self
-bla
me
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
belie
ve th
at th
eir t
houg
hts
or fe
elin
gs c
an c
ause
thin
gs to
hap
pen.
If
they
wis
h th
at s
omeo
ne w
as d
ead
and
then
that
per
son
dies
, the
y m
ay fe
el t
heir
thou
ghts
mad
e de
ath
happ
en.
The
y m
ay fe
el th
at i
f the
y ha
d be
en b
ette
r peo
ple,
God
wou
ldn'
t hav
e le
t thi
s ha
ppen
to th
em.
The
y m
ay h
ave
deep
regr
ets
and
guilt
ove
r tim
es w
hen
they
wer
e an
gry
or b
ehav
ed b
adly
tow
ards
the
dece
ased
.
5. C
hild
ren
Fac
e A
ddit
iona
l Ris
ks W
hich
Inc
reas
e th
e T
raum
atic
Gri
ef R
eact
ion
The
y m
ay e
xper
ienc
e ch
ange
s in
the
prim
ary
adul
t or a
dults
who
are
res
pons
ible
for
thei
r car
etak
ing.
The
y m
ay b
e fo
rced
to r
eloc
ate
thei
r hom
e or
to a
ttend
a d
iffe
rent
sch
ool b
ecau
se o
f th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a.
Som
etim
es th
ey a
re s
ent a
way
to h
omes
of r
elat
ives
or f
rien
ds f
or a
tem
po
rary
tim
e to
giv
e pa
rent
s or
sign
ific
ant a
dults
a c
hanc
e to
org
aniz
e th
eir l
ives
. E
xclu
ding
chi
ldre
n fr
om
tran
sitio
n ac
tiviti
es a
nd e
vent
s ad
ds to
thei
r sen
se o
f aba
ndon
men
t and
isol
atio
n. P
artic
ular
act
iviti
es
whi
ch c
hild
ren
had
enjo
yed
befo
re th
e tr
aum
a m
ay n
ow c
ease
bec
ause
the
pers
on w
ho d
ied
was
the
one
resp
onsi
ble
for p
rom
otin
g th
ose
activ
ities
or i
nvol
ving
the
child
ren
in th
ose
activ
ities
.
31
•
V.
Inte
rven
tion
s fo
r G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
A. C
areg
iver
Com
mu
nic
atio
n
Initi
al e
ffor
ts a
t int
erve
ntio
n sh
ould
focu
s on
com
mun
icat
ion
tech
niqu
es th
at a
re a
ge-a
ppro
pr
iate
. C
hild
ren
shou
ld b
e en
cour
aged
to e
xpre
ss th
emse
lves
in p
lay,
art
wor
k, m
usic
, dan
ce o
r dra
ma.
V
erba
l com
mun
icat
ion
thro
ugh
whi
ch c
hild
ren
expl
ain
thei
r act
iviti
es sh
ould
als
o be
sou
ght.
• A
ttent
ion
shou
ld b
e pa
id to
hel
ping
chi
ldre
n de
velo
p a
narr
ativ
e or
a st
ory
of t
he tr
au
mat
ic d
eath
. K
ey c
ompo
nent
s o
f suc
h a
stor
y in
cl u
de p
laci
ng th
e de
ath
in th
e co
ntex
t of t
ime,
spa
ce,
unde
rsta
ndin
g cl
earl
y w
hat t
hey
obse
rved
and
cla
rifY
ing
any
part
icul
arm
ispe
rcep
tions
, and
ass
istin
g ch
ildre
n as
they
see
k to
find
a m
eani
ng o
r pur
pose
in w
hat h
appe
ned.
• C
areg
iver
s sh
ould
rem
embe
r tha
t chi
ldre
n ne
ed to
take
the
lead
in d
efin
ing
the
para
m
eter
s o
f dis
cuss
ion
or e
xpre
ssio
n. A
chi
ld's
ques
tions
sho
uld
be a
nsw
ered
fact
ually
and
sim
ply
whe
n po
ssib
le.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld li
sten
car
eful
ly to
que
stio
ns s
o th
at th
ey d
on't
mak
e as
sum
ptio
ns a
bout
w
hat t
he c
hild
kno
ws
or w
hat h
e w
ants
to k
now
. O
ften
care
give
rs fa
ll in
to th
e tr
ap o
f pro
vidi
ng to
o m
uch
info
rmat
ion
in re
spon
se to
a q
uest
ion.
• B
ehav
iors
sho
uld
be n
on-j
udgm
enta
l with
rega
rd to
the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
, the
trau
mat
ic
grie
f rea
ctio
n, a
nd th
e ch
ild's
age
-rel
ated
beh
avio
rs.
B. G
oals
of A
ssis
tanc
e
1. E
stab
lish
Saf
ety
and
Secu
rity
<:)..
Res
pond
to a
nd p
rovi
de o
ppor
tuni
ties
for c
hild
ren
to re
ceiv
e po
sitiv
e hu
man
ph
ysic
al c
onta
ct to
reaf
firm
nee
ds fo
r sen
sory
com
fort
and
car
e.
b.
Hel
p ch
ildre
n ge
t eno
ugh
slee
p. T
his m
ay in
volv
e re
spon
ding
to a
chi
ld's
con
cern
ab
out t
he s
afet
y o
f his
bed
room
or h
ome,
ens
urin
g th
at s
omeo
ne is
read
ily a
vaila
ble
to p
rovi
de a
ssur
an
ce a
fter
nig
htm
ares
or s
leep
dis
turb
ance
s, o
r pro
vidi
ng a
soot
hing
and
cal
min
g en
viro
nmen
t bef
ore
bedt
ime.
c.
Hel
p ch
ildre
n de
velo
p pr
otec
tive
plan
s of
actio
n if
anot
her t
raum
atic
eve
nt w
ere
to
occu
r. T
his
may
incl
ude
educ
atin
g th
em o
n w
hat t
hey
mig
ht d
o if
som
ethi
ng h
appe
ned
agai
n an
d pr
ovid
in
g th
em o
ppor
tuni
ties
to p
ract
ice
thei
r tra
uma
resp
onse
.
d.
Prov
ide
them
with
phy
sica
l sym
bols
of n
urtu
ring,
love
or r
emem
bran
ce.
Ted
dy
bear
s or
stuf
fed
anim
als
are
ofte
n a
sour
ce o
f gre
at c
omfo
rt to
chi
ldre
n o
f all
ages
. R
eest
ablis
hing
ro
utin
es a
nd h
abitu
al a
ctiv
ities
giv
es c
hild
ren
reas
sura
nce
that
life
has
retu
rned
to a
kin
d o
f ord
er.
Ritu
als
such
as
pray
ers,
a re
gula
r "m
emor
y tim
e", o
r spe
cial
cer
emon
ies
may
als
o be
a so
urce
of s
ecur
ity.
33
2. A
llow
Chi
ldre
n to
Tel
l Wh
at H
app
ened
and
to
Tal
k A
bou
t Dea
th
a.
Enc
oura
ge th
em to
tell
or d
evel
op s
torie
s th
at h
elp
them
exp
lore
inte
nse
reac
tions
su
ch a
s an
ger o
r fea
r.
b.
Ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n un
ders
tand
dif
fere
nces
bet
wee
n lif
e an
d de
ath.
c.
Rea
ssur
e th
em th
at s
adne
ss a
nd g
rief
are
a ne
cess
ary
part
of s
urvi
ving
the
deat
h o
f so
meo
ne th
ey lo
ved.
Hel
p th
em to
des
crib
e an
d un
ders
tand
reac
tions
to tr
aum
a an
d re
actio
ns to
the
deat
h.
d.
Tal
k w
ith th
em a
bout
wha
t the
y ob
serv
ed in
the
reac
tions
of p
aren
ts, p
eers
, or o
ther
si
gnifi
cant
adul
ts.
3. P
red
ict
Wh
at W
ill H
app
en a
nd P
rep
are
Ch
ild
ren
for
th
e F
utu
re
a.
Enc
oura
ge th
e re
esta
blis
hmen
t of c
omfo
rting
rout
ines
.
b.
Edu
cate
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
raum
a, d
eath
, and
loss
.
c.
Hel
p th
em d
evel
op re
ason
s fo
r liv
ing.
d.
Hel
p th
em ta
ke ti
me
to th
ink
abou
t the
ir fu
ture
.
e.
Supp
ort a
dult
care
give
rs in
thei
r eff
orts
to re
act a
ppro
pria
tely
.
f W
ork
to h
elp
child
ren
solv
e pr
oble
ms t
hey
face
bec
ause
of t
he tr
aum
a.
• A
ddre
ss w
hat c
an a
nd c
an't
be d
one.
• H
elp
miti
gate
oth
er c
hang
es in
thei
r liv
es.
• A
ddre
ss e
stra
ngem
ent f
rom
pee
rs.
• H
elp
child
ren
fram
e th
eir l
oss
in th
e co
ntex
t of a
ll o
f the
ir re
latio
nshi
ps
and
thei
r life
as
a w
hole
.
• H
elp
child
ren
focu
s on
the
futu
re.
g.
Giv
e co
ncre
te a
id a
nd fa
ctua
l inf
orm
atio
n.
34
•
c. M
etho
ds o
f Int
erve
ntio
n
Muc
h o
f wha
t car
egiv
ers
do w
hen
inte
rven
ing
is to
try
to h
elp
chil
dren
tell
the
stor
y o
f wh
at
happ
ened
and
how
they
feel
abo
ut it
. T
he fo
llow
ing
met
hods
can
hel
p ch
ildr
en fe
el c
omfo
rtab
le te
llin
g ab
out t
heir
thou
ghts
, em
otio
ns a
nd c
once
rns.
1. O
ral
Stor
ytel
ling
Car
egiv
ers
enco
urag
e ch
ildr
en to
tell
a sh
ort s
tory
abo
ut th
e tr
aum
atic
dea
th, t
he p
erso
n w
ho
die
d or
abo
ut th
emse
lves
. C
areg
iver
s ca
n su
gges
t the
fol
low
ing
type
s o
f int
rodu
ctor
y se
nten
ces
or
phra
ses:
• "O
nce
upon
a ti
me
ther
e w
as a
litt
le g
irl n
amed
Mar
y w
ho
was
ver
y,
very
sad
bec
ause
... ";
• "A
few
day
s ag
o I w
oke
up a
nd it
was
bri
ght a
nd s
unny
and
I w
as
very
hap
py, b
ut th
en ...
";
• "I
'd li
ke to
tell
you
a st
ory
abou
t my
mot
her w
ho
was
kil
led
in a
n au
tom
obil
e cr
ash.
"
With
you
nger
chi
ldre
n, c
areg
iver
s m
ay n
eed
to m
odel
tell
ing
a sh
ort s
tory
. It
may
be
usef
ul f
or
care
give
rs to
con
side
r tel
ling
a s
tory
abo
ut th
eir o
wn
life
whe
n so
meo
ne th
ey lo
ved
died
. W
hile
this
te
chni
que
is n
ot u
sual
ly s
ugge
sted
for u
se w
ith
adul
ts, c
hild
ren
are
ofte
n ex
ceed
ingl
y cu
riou
s ab
out a
dult
s w
ho
hav
e su
ffer
ed tr
aum
as s
imil
ar to
thei
r ow
n.
2. G
uide
d F
ree
Pla
y
Tra
umat
ized
chi
ldre
n w
ill o
ften
aut
omat
ical
ly u
se to
ys to
ree
nact
thei
r tra
uma
and
thei
r co
ncer
ns.
If ca
regi
vers
hav
e a
rang
e o
fto
ys
avai
labl
e in
a s
peci
al b
ox, s
helf
, or a
bag
, chi
ldre
n ca
n p
ick
and
cho
ose
thei
r fav
orit
e m
od
e o
f exp
ress
ion.
You
ng c
hild
ren
wil
l run
to th
e to
ys o
r im
med
iate
ly a
sk
wh
at is
in t
he b
ag s
o th
ey c
an s
tart
to p
lay
as s
oon
as p
ossi
ble.
Car
egiv
ers
can
obse
rve
chil
dren
beg
in
to p
lay
wit
hout
pro
mpt
ing
whi
le d
oing
pre
para
tory
thin
gs s
uch
as p
utti
ng o
ut re
fres
hmen
ts, o
r han
ging
up
coat
s. T
hey
can
join
the
chil
dren
wit
h ne
utra
l que
stio
ns s
uch
as, "
Tha
t loo
ks in
tere
stin
g. W
hat a
re y
ou
pl
ayin
g?"
Toy
s th
at a
re o
ften
hel
pful
sto
ry te
ller
s ar
e: b
uild
ing
bloc
ks, c
ars,
truc
ks, a
irpl
anes
, hum
an
figu
res,
dol
ls, s
tuff
ed a
nim
als,
sim
ple
puzz
les
of p
eopl
e or
peo
ple'
s fa
ces.
3. S
tim
ulat
ing
Dis
cuss
ion
For
chi
ldre
n w
ho a
re a
rtic
ulat
e an
d ve
rbal
, dis
cuss
ions
can
hav
e a
heal
ing
effe
ct s
imil
ar
to th
at e
xper
ienc
ed b
y m
any
adul
ts w
ho "
talk
out
" th
eir c
once
rns
and
reac
tion
s. C
areg
iver
s ca
n he
lp
chil
dren
beg
in to
dis
cuss
the
trau
mat
ic d
eath
by
show
ing
phot
ogra
phs
oft
he
dece
ased
, sho
win
g a
vide
o st
ory
abo
ut d
eath
and
trau
ma,
rea
ding
a s
hort
sto
ry, p
oem
or p
arab
le re
lati
ng to
dea
th a
nd tr
aum
a, o
r pr
esen
ting
a n
ews
stor
y o
r med
ia a
rtic
le a
bout
the
even
t for
cri
tiqu
e.
35
The
vid
eota
pe th
at a
ccom
pani
es th
is g
uide
book
is d
esig
ned
to s
timul
ate
disc
ussi
on a
bout
ch
ildr
en's
reac
tions
, but
oth
er v
ideo
s co
uld
be u
sed
as w
ell.
4. C
reat
ive
Wri
ting
Scho
ol a
ge c
hild
ren
and
adol
esce
nts
ofte
n fin
d it
help
ful t
o w
rite
abo
ut w
hat c
once
rns
them
. O
utle
ts fo
r cre
ativ
e w
ritin
g in
clud
e jo
urna
ls, l
ette
rs to
love
d on
es, p
rose
, poe
try,
art
icle
s, o
r m
emor
y bo
oks.
Car
egiv
ers
can
help
sug
gest
title
s fo
r pag
es in
mem
ory
book
s th
at m
ay h
elp
child
ren
expr
ess
pote
nt fe
elin
gs.
Som
e id
eas
are:
• "M
ary'
s N
ame"
[the
chi
ld sp
ells
Mar
y ve
rtic
ally
dow
n th
e pa
ge a
nd a
ttach
es
a w
ord
to e
ach
lette
r tha
t ref
lect
s w
hat M
ary
mea
nt to
the
child
].
1
• "T
he th
ing
I lov
ed m
ost a
bout
Mar
y is
... "
• "M
y sa
ddes
t mem
ory
of M
ary
is .. .
'''
• "M
y ha
ppie
st m
emor
y o
f Mar
y is
... "
• "M
y fu
nnie
st m
emor
y o
f Mar
y is
... "
• "M
ary'
s fa
vori
te h
obby
, col
or, b
ird,
mus
ic, f
ood,
spo
rt w
as ...
"
• "I
f you
had
bee
n ab
le to
say
goo
d by
e to
Mar
y, w
hat w
ould
you
hav
e sa
id?"
5. C
reat
ive
Art
Chi
ldre
n lo
ve to
dra
w, p
aint
, pla
y w
ith c
lay,
and
do
craf
ts.
All
can
serv
e as
use
ful m
edia
fo
r exp
ress
ing
the
mes
sage
of g
rief
and
trau
ma.
Fin
ger p
aint
ing
and
wor
king
with
cla
y ar
e bo
th m
essy
ar
ts b
ut c
an b
e pa
rtic
ular
ly h
elpf
ul b
ecau
se th
ey s
eem
to o
ffer
chi
ldre
n a
mor
e in
tera
ctiv
e, v
isce
ral s
ense
o
f exp
ress
ion.
Cla
y is
oft
en s
ooth
ing
to th
e to
uch
alth
ough
som
e ch
ildre
n lik
e to
pou
nd o
r sta
b it
in
ange
r. O
ne im
agin
ativ
e ca
regi
ver o
ffer
ed c
hild
ren
the
oppo
rtun
ity to
fin
ger p
aint
sho
wer
sta
lls in
the
scho
ol lo
cker
room
s. T
hey
had
plen
ty o
f roo
m a
nd th
e fi
nish
ed p
rodu
ct c
ould
be
was
hed
away
eas
ily.
The
neg
ativ
e si
de o
f usi
ng im
perm
anen
t art
is th
at s
ome
child
ren
wan
t to
keep
thei
r cre
atio
ns b
ecau
se
the
expr
essi
on o
fthe
ir fe
elin
gs is
so
mea
ning
ful t
o th
em.
Whe
n w
orki
ng w
ith g
roup
s, c
areg
iver
s mig
ht
sugg
est t
hat t
he g
roup
cre
ate
a co
mm
unity
mur
al.
6. D
ram
atic
Ena
ctm
ents
Mos
t chi
ldre
n lik
e to
pla
y-ac
t, pa
rtic
ular
ly i
f pro
ps, c
ostu
me
or m
akeu
p ar
e av
aila
ble
to
enab
le th
em to
bec
ome
tota
lly in
volv
ed in
bei
ng a
noth
er p
erso
n. P
uppe
ts c
an a
lso
be u
sed.
You
ng
child
ren
may
sim
ply
use
the
oppo
rtun
ity to
reen
act f
uner
als
or p
ortio
ns o
f the
trau
ma
stor
ies.
Old
er
child
ren
and
adol
esce
nts
may
wan
t to
crea
te th
eir o
wn
"min
i" p
lays
. A
dole
scen
ts m
ay a
lso
find
play
ing
part
s or r
eadi
ng s
crip
ts fr
om c
lass
ic a
nd m
odem
trag
edie
s he
lpfu
l in
expr
essi
ng th
eir c
once
rns
over
de
ath.
36
7. M
usi
c
Lis
teni
ng to
, pla
ying
or s
ingi
ng m
usic
can
be
a w
onde
rful
rel
ease
for c
hild
ren.
It p
ro
vide
s a
reco
nnec
tion
to th
e se
nse
of r
hyth
m a
s w
ell a
s th
e fa
ct th
at c
erta
in m
usic
al in
stru
men
ts m
ay e
cho
soun
ds o
f gri
ef re
actio
ns: a
nger
mig
ht b
e ex
pres
sed
thro
ugh
the
soun
d o
f dru
ms
or a
bla
ring
trum
pet;
reed
and
str
ing
inst
rum
ents
mig
ht re
min
d ch
ildre
n o
f wee
ping
or f
eelin
gs o
flon
elin
ess;
dru
m ro
lls a
nd
cym
bals
may
refl
ect t
ensi
ons,
anx
ietie
s an
d fe
ars;
har
ps, f
lute
s, a
nd p
icco
los
ofte
n so
und
like
spir
its
talk
ing,
and
so
forth
. D
eath
-rel
ated
lyri
cs a
re f
ound
in m
usic
as
dive
rse
as c
ount
ry-w
este
rn, r
ap, o
pera
, or
hym
ns.
8. P
raye
r, R
epet
itiv
e M
edit
atio
ns, a
nd C
han
ts
The
pow
er o
f pra
yers
for m
any
child
ren
rest
s in
the
affi
rmat
ion
of s
piri
tual
bel
iefs
, but
al
so in
ass
ocia
ted
rela
xatio
n re
spon
ses
trig
gere
d by
the
repe
titio
n of
fam
ilia
r and
com
fort
ing
wor
ds.
The
y ad
d an
air
of s
olem
nity
and
gra
vity
to ri
tual
s an
d m
emor
ial a
ctiv
ities
.
D. S
ampl
e Q
uest
ion
s, E
xerc
ises
and
Act
ivit
ies
Use
ful
in W
orki
ng W
ith
Chi
ldre
n
The
follo
win
g qu
estio
ns, e
xerc
ises
and
act
iviti
es h
ave
been
use
d w
ith in
divi
dual
chi
ldre
n an
d w
ith g
roup
s o
f chi
ldre
n w
ho a
re g
riev
ing
afte
r vio
lent
dea
th.
The
y dr
aw u
pon
the
met
hods
ofi
nter
ven
tion
desc
ribe
d ab
ove
and
illus
trat
e ho
w th
ese
inte
rven
tions
can
be
used
to a
ddre
ss c
omm
on c
once
rns
chil
dren
may
hav
e. T
o th
e ex
tent
pos
sibl
e, c
hild
ren
shou
ld b
e al
low
ed to
cho
ose
exer
cise
s an
d ac
tiviti
es
they
wan
t to
do o
r to
sugg
est a
ltern
ativ
es.
It is
use
ful f
or c
areg
iver
s w
ho w
ork
with
gri
evin
g ch
ildre
n to
ke
ep to
ys, a
rt s
uppl
ies
and
light
refr
eshm
ents
read
ily a
vaila
ble.
If c
areg
iver
s are
res
pond
ing
imm
edia
tely
af
ter a
vio
lent
dea
th, t
hey
shou
ld ta
ke p
aper
and
col
ored
mar
kers
or c
rayo
ns w
ith th
em to
use
in ta
lkin
g to
sur
vivi
ng c
hild
ren.
Mos
t chi
ldre
n ta
lk m
ore
read
ily w
hen
thei
r han
ds a
re b
usy.
Whe
n w
atch
ing
a vi
deot
ape
or li
sten
ing
to a
stor
y, m
any
child
ren
also
wan
t to
have
som
ethi
ng to
do
with
thei
r han
ds.
Whi
le c
areg
iver
s w
ant t
o lis
ten
to c
hild
ren'
s st
orie
s an
d as
sist
them
to u
nder
stan
d th
at s
omeo
ne th
ey
love
d di
ed in
the
imm
edia
te a
fter
mat
h o
f vio
lent
dea
th, m
ost q
uest
ions
and
act
iviti
es w
ill b
e ad
dres
sed
or
used
in th
e da
ys o
r wee
ks fo
llow
ing
viol
ent d
eath
.
37
1. F
indi
ng O
ut th
e C
hild
's V
ersi
on o
f Wha
t H
appe
ned
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
ns:
How
did
[pe
rson
(s) n
ame(
s)]
die?
Wha
t hap
pene
d w
hen
s/he
die
d?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss t
he Q
uest
ions
:
• D
raw
ing
or p
aint
ing
imag
es o
f wha
t ha
ppen
ed.
Hin
t:
If ch
ildre
n ar
e re
luct
ant t
o be
gin
draw
ing
or p
aint
ing,
car
egiv
ers
may
beg
in to
dra
w
and
enco
urag
e th
e ch
ildre
n to
add
to th
eir d
raw
ings
. U
sefu
l sta
rtin
g po
ints
incl
ude
draw
ing
a fa
ce o
r a
pers
on, a
hou
se, o
r the
wea
ther
for t
he d
ay.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
enco
urag
ed to
des
crib
e th
eir d
raw
ings
as
they
tell
wha
t hap
pe
ned.
Oft
en, c
hild
ren
will
add
wri
tten
wor
ds to
thei
r dra
win
gs th
at h
elp
them
to a
rtic
ulat
e th
eir f
ears
.
• G
uide
d fr
ee p
lay:
in
wor
king
wit
h gr
ievi
ng c
hild
ren
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed o
r w
itne
ssed
vio
lent
dea
th,
toys
tha
t giv
e th
em a
n op
port
unit
y to
pla
y or
act
ou
t the
eve
nt m
ay
be
help
ful.
Hin
t:
Toy
s m
ight
incl
ude
child
and
adu
lt fig
ures
, pol
icem
en, f
irem
en, d
octo
rs, a
mbu
lanc
es,
fire
truc
ks, c
ars,
bui
ldin
gs, p
ets.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld a
sk th
e ch
ildre
n ho
w th
ey m
ight
pla
y w
ith th
em.
Oft
en c
hild
ren
have
car
egiv
ers
play
the
"bad
guy
" or
som
eone
with
who
m th
ey a
re u
pset
so th
ey c
an e
xpre
ss th
eir
dist
ress
at a
real
per
son.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n of
ten
have
an
acut
e m
emor
y o
f the
trau
mat
ic e
vent
and
can
repl
ay v
ivid
ly
the
mos
t fri
ghte
ning
par
t oft
hat e
vent
. It
may
invo
lve
loud
sou
nds,
ang
ry re
spon
ses,
or s
pora
dic
activ
ity.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
cop
e w
ith s
uch
reac
tions
and
pro
vide
imm
edia
te n
urtu
ring
to
child
ren
to h
elp
them
feel
saf
e ag
ain.
• D
ram
atic
ree
nact
men
ts:
olde
r ch
ildr
en m
ay
wan
t to
deve
lop
a pl
ay to
des
crib
e w
hat
happ
ened
, par
ticu
larl
y in
the
wee
ks o
r m
onth
s fo
llow
ing
the
deat
h.
Hin
t:
With
old
er c
hild
ren,
car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
cla
rify
any
mis
conc
eptio
ns th
e ch
ildre
n m
ay h
ave
abou
t wha
t hap
pene
d w
hen
the
viol
ent d
eath
was
a su
icid
e, h
omic
ide
or a
n ac
cide
nt.
Hin
t:
Dra
mat
ic re
enac
tmen
ts m
ay b
e tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
for c
hild
ren
and
care
give
rs s
houl
d be
pre
pare
d to
pro
vide
cri
sis
assi
stan
ce i
f the
dra
ma
is o
verw
helm
ing.
39
2.
Exp
lori
ng t
he D
iffe
renc
e B
etw
een
Lif
e an
d D
eath
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: H
ow d
o y
ou k
now
that
som
eone
or s
omet
hing
is d
ead?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• T
ouch
ing
a de
ad p
erso
n o
r a
nim
al m
ay
help
chi
ldre
n co
mpa
re b
ody
war
mth
an
d
iden
tifY
a d
iffe
renc
e in
th
e fe
el o
f th
e sk
in o
f som
eone
livi
ng.
• L
iste
nin
g fo
r th
e he
artb
eat o
f a d
ead
pers
on o
r a
nim
al m
ay
help
chi
ldre
n to
com
p
are
th
e he
artb
eat o
f so
meo
ne
livi
ng.
Hin
t: L
ooki
ng a
t wha
t hap
pens
whe
n ey
egla
sses
or a
mir
ror a
re p
lace
d cl
ose
to th
e m
outh
o
f a d
ead
pers
on o
r ani
mal
and
com
pare
the
resu
lts
to w
hat h
appe
ns w
hen
the
sam
e th
ings
are
pla
ced
clos
e to
som
eone
livi
ng.
Bre
ath
cont
ains
moi
stur
e th
at w
ill c
ause
a f
og w
hen
it co
mes
into
con
tact
wit
h a
cool
pan
e o
f gla
ss.
Hin
t: S
ome
chil
dren
nev
er h
ave
the
oppo
rtun
ity
to s
ee th
e de
ad b
ody
of a
lov
ed o
ne o
r ac
quai
ntan
ce b
ecau
se th
ey a
re n
ot p
enni
tted
to a
tten
d th
e w
ake
or g
o to
the
fune
ral
hom
e o
r fun
eral
se
rvic
e. H
owev
er, i
t is
not u
ncom
mon
for c
hild
ren
to s
ee a
dea
d an
imal
, eit
her a
pet
or a
n an
imal
who
ha
s di
ed o
utsi
de (
baby
bir
ds th
at h
ave
fall
en o
ut o
ftre
es, f
or e
xam
ple)
.
Hin
t: I
t may
be
extr
emel
y di
ffic
ult f
or th
e pa
rent
or o
ther
car
egiv
er to
ass
ist a
chi
ld to
ex
plor
e th
e m
eani
ng o
f dea
th b
y vi
ewin
g th
e bo
dy o
f a d
ead
love
d on
e. I
t mig
ht b
e ea
sier
for
som
eone
w
ho
wor
ks in
the
fun
eral
hom
e to
hel
p th
e ch
ild
see
and
touc
h th
e bo
dy.
• U
se a
n i
llus
trat
ive
anal
ogy
thro
ugh
a gl
ove
exer
cise
.
Hin
t: H
ave
the
chil
dren
put
on
a gl
ove
and
then
mov
e th
eir h
an
d-p
ick
up
an o
bjec
t,
shak
e ha
nds
wit
h an
othe
r per
son,
or p
lay
wit
h a
toy.
The
glo
ve m
oves
wit
h th
e ha
nd b
ecau
se th
e ha
nd
is th
e li
fe f
orce
wit
hin
the
glov
e. H
ave
the
chil
dren
take
off
the
glov
e an
d la
y it
on
the
tabl
e. E
xpla
in th
at
whe
n th
e li
fe f
orce
is r
emov
ed, t
he g
love
is s
imil
ar to
a d
ead
body
whi
ch h
as n
o Ii
fe i
n it.
It c
an n
o lo
nger
mov
e, f
eel,
touc
h, o
r pla
y.
• S
om
e ch
ildr
en m
ay
wan
t to
see
the
body
of t
he
love
d o
ne
wh
o d
ied.
Hin
t: I
fth
e de
ath
was
vio
lent
, thi
s m
ay n
ot b
e po
ssib
le d
ue to
law
enf
orce
men
t pol
icy
or
pare
ntal
obj
ecti
on.
A v
iew
ing
of t
he b
ody
is u
sefu
l, if
chil
dren
are
pro
perl
y pr
epar
ed fo
r w
hat t
hey
wil
l se
e. l
fth
ey c
anno
t see
the
body
, it m
ay b
e im
port
ant t
o le
t par
ents
kno
w th
at it
may
take
som
e ti
me
for
chil
dren
to a
bsor
b th
e co
ncep
t tha
t the
per
son
is d
ead
and
wil
l not
retu
rn.
40
3. E
xplo
ring
Wha
t H
appe
ns t
o a
Per
son
Aft
er H
e D
ies
Und
erZy
ing
Que
stio
n: W
hat h
appe
ns to
a p
erso
n af
ter h
e di
es?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• R
ead
a po
em o
r st
ory,
or
show
a v
ideo
tape
abo
ut s
omeo
ne o
r so
met
hing
dyi
ng.
Ask
th
e ch
ildr
en t
o co
mm
ent o
n th
e en
ding
. W
hat
are
thei
r be
lief
s or
thou
ghts
abo
ut w
hat
hap
pene
d?
Hin
t:
Exa
mpl
es o
f sho
rt s
tori
es in
clud
e: A
ny A
ardv
arkf
inds
Hop
e, a
bo
ok
by
Do
nn
a 0
' Too
le.
Mor
e ex
cell
ent s
tori
es w
ill b
e in
the
loca
l lib
rary
.
Hin
t:
Che
ck th
e lo
cal l
ibra
ry o
r vid
eo s
tore
s fo
r vi
deos
that
add
ress
dea
th th
at w
ould
be
appr
opri
ate
for c
hild
ren
of v
aryi
ng a
ges.
Hin
t:
If ch
ildr
en a
re s
choo
l-ag
e o
r abo
ve, t
he c
areg
iver
may
ask
them
to h
elp
read
the
stor
y.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld e
ncou
rage
chi
ldre
n to
wri
te th
eir o
wn
stor
ies
abou
t wha
t hap
pe
ned
to th
e bo
dy o
f the
ir lo
ved
one
and
wha
t the
y be
liev
e ha
ppen
s to
the
spir
it o
f the
ir lo
ved
one.
• D
raw
ing
or p
aint
ing
imag
es o
f wha
t ha
ppen
s.
Com
mon
pic
ture
them
es i
nclu
de:
-D
epic
tion
of b
uria
l or f
uner
al p
roce
edin
gs.
-Sp
irit
ual
conc
epts
suc
h as
a p
erso
n go
ing
to h
eave
n or
bei
ng in
hea
ven,
gh
osts
, go
od o
r ev
il s
piri
ts.
-T
houg
hts
on w
here
the
per
son
is o
r w
hat h
e lo
oks
like
aft
er d
eath
.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e al
ert t
o fr
ight
enin
g im
ages
, sel
f-de
pict
ions
oft
he
chil
d w
here
th
e ch
ild
mig
ht b
e sh
own
in h
idin
g o
r wit
hout
impo
rtan
t bod
y pa
rts,
dep
icti
ons
oft
he
dece
ased
that
are
di
stor
ted
or p
arti
ally
dra
wn,
etc
.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld e
ncou
rage
chi
ldre
n to
des
crib
e th
e pi
ctur
es a
nd a
sk q
uest
ions
ab
out a
ny im
ager
y th
at is
dis
turb
ing.
41
4. E
xplo
ring
Why
a S
udde
n D
eath
has
Occ
urre
d
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: W
hy d
o yo
u th
ink
[per
son(
s) n
ame(
s)]
died
?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• L
ife
Cyc
les
Dis
cuss
ion
Tak
e ch
ildre
n on
a fi
eld
trip
to o
bser
ve li
fe a
nd d
eath
in th
e na
tura
l wor
ld.
In a
par
k,
child
ren
mig
ht b
e ab
le to
look
at a
livi
ng tr
ee, a
dyi
ng tr
ee, a
nd a
tree
kill
ed b
y a
stor
m o
r fire
. In
sect
s m
ay b
e ob
serv
ed li
ving
and
dea
d-s
om
e su
dden
ly b
ecau
se a
chi
ld s
tepp
ed o
n th
em.
A y
oung
ani
mal
m
ay b
e vi
ewed
and
con
tras
ted
with
a v
ery
old
anim
al.
Hin
t:
Thi
s di
scus
sion
is m
ost h
elpf
ul a
s an
edu
catio
nal t
ool i
n pr
epar
atio
n fo
r dea
th;
how
ever
, it c
an b
e us
ed in
the
afte
rmat
h o
f sud
den
deat
h to
try
to p
lace
all
deat
h in
per
spec
tive.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed fo
r que
stio
ns a
bout
the
diff
eren
ces
betw
een
vari
ous
kind
s of
life
, how
it is
dec
ided
whe
n lif
e sh
ould
end
, why
doe
s so
meo
ne I
love
die
, etc
.
• "F
indi
ng A
nsw
ers"
Gam
e W
ith D
iscu
ssio
n
Inst
ruct
ions
: Pr
ovid
e a
larg
e sh
eet o
f con
stru
ctio
n pa
per t
hat i
s di
vide
d in
to a
mat
rix
of
thre
e la
rge
squa
res
by s
ix la
rge
squa
res.
Chi
ldre
n ar
e as
ked
to w
rite
or d
raw
six
reas
ons
they
bel
ieve
he
lped
to c
ause
the
deat
h of
the
pers
on th
ey lo
ved
in th
e fi
rst s
et o
f ver
tical
squ
ares
. C
areg
iver
s th
en
verif
Y o
r cor
rect
eac
h o
f tho
se re
ason
s in
the
seco
nd s
et o
f ver
tical
squ
ares
. In
the
thir
d se
t of v
ertic
al
squa
res,
car
egiv
ers a
nd c
hild
ren
toge
ther
agr
ee o
n th
e as
sess
men
t tha
t it w
as n
ot th
e ch
ild'
s fa
ult.
Hin
t:
Thi
s exe
rcis
e ex
plor
es m
agic
al th
inki
ng a
nd th
e po
ssib
ility
that
chi
ldre
n bl
ame
them
selv
es fo
r thi
ngs
they
do,
thin
k or
feel
pri
or to
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ved
one.
Car
egiv
ers
can
reas
sure
ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir j
ob in
life
is to
be
a ch
ild a
nd th
at li
fe a
nd d
eath
dec
isio
ns a
re n
ot u
nder
thei
r con
trol
.
Hin
t:
Thi
s ex
erci
se a
lso
help
s ch
ildre
n to
lear
n ab
out t
he f
acts
that
sur
roun
d th
e de
ath
of a
lo
ved
one
and
to c
larif
Y m
isco
ncep
tions
and
rum
ors.
• "I
f I C
ould
Say
Goo
d-by
e" E
xerc
ise
With
Dis
cuss
ion
Inst
ruct
ions
: A
sk c
hi ld
ren
to w
rite
or t
o de
pict
wha
t the
y th
ink
thei
r lov
ed o
ne w
ould
wan
t th
em to
kno
w i
f tha
t per
son
wou
ld h
ave
had
an o
ppor
tuni
ty to
tell
them
they
wer
e go
ing
to d
ie s
udde
nly.
A
fter
chi
ldre
n ex
pres
s th
is id
ea, t
hey
are
then
ask
ed to
wri
te o
r dep
ict w
hat t
hey
wou
ld h
ave
wan
ted
thei
r lov
ed o
ne to
kno
w.
Hin
t:
Thi
s exe
rcis
e he
lps
child
ren
expl
ore
issu
es o
f aba
ndon
men
t, an
ger o
r gri
ef ov
er th
e su
dden
loss
of a
love
d on
e. I
t als
o he
lps
child
ren
to e
xpre
ss th
eir c
onfu
sion
ove
r why
dea
th h
appe
ns.
Hin
t:
The
sec
ond
part
oft
he e
xerc
ise
help
s ch
ildre
n th
ink
thro
ugh
how
they
mig
ht re
solv
e th
ese
issu
es a
nd g
o on
livi
ng.
42
•
•
5. I
dent
ifyi
ng T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: W
hat d
o yo
u re
mem
ber f
eelin
g af
ter y
ou k
new
or f
ound
out
that
[per
son(
s)
nam
e( s)
] was
dea
d?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• "C
olor
Me
Blu
e" E
xerc
ise
and
Dis
cuss
ion
Inst
ruct
ions
: D
istr
ibut
e pa
per a
nd c
olor
ed m
arke
rs a
nd a
sk c
hild
ren
to m
ake
a se
ries
of
self
-por
trai
ts id
entif
Yin
g ho
w th
ey fe
el w
hen
they
are
ang
ry, a
frai
d, c
onfu
sed,
ash
amed
, gui
lty, l
onel
y,
sad,
exc
ited,
hap
py, f
eelin
g lo
ved.
The
se c
an b
e do
ne o
n on
e pa
ge o
r a s
erie
s o
f sep
arat
e p
ag
es
one
for e
ach
type
of f
eelin
g. A
sk c
hild
ren
to u
se a
spec
ial c
olor
for e
ach
feel
ing.
Aft
er th
ey h
ave
draw
n th
ose
pict
ures
, chi
ldre
n ar
e as
ked
to id
entif
Y w
hich
feel
ing
they
rem
embe
r hav
ing
first
aft
er le
arni
ng o
f th
eir l
oved
one
's d
eath
. T
hen
they
are
ask
ed to
iden
tifY
oth
er p
ictu
res t
hat i
llust
rate
add
ition
al fe
elin
gs.
Hin
t:
In th
e in
itial
sta
ges
ofth
is e
xerc
ise,
car
egiv
ers
shou
ld u
se s
impl
e, n
onth
reat
enin
g ill
ustr
atio
ns w
ith y
oung
er c
hild
ren
of w
hat t
he v
ario
us e
mot
ions
mig
ht m
ean.
Fo
r exa
mpl
e, g
uilt
mig
ht
be d
escr
ibed
as
"dra
win
g ho
w y
ou m
ight
look
if yo
u fe
lt ba
d be
caus
e yo
u di
d so
met
hing
wro
ng b
ut
didn
't w
ant t
o te
ll an
yone
."
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
and
child
ren
may
wan
t to
keep
thes
e ill
ustr
atio
ns to
use
as
they
con
tinue
to
mee
t and
talk
abo
ut tr
aum
atic
gri
ef.
The
y ca
n be
com
e a
usef
ul r
efer
ence
poi
nt.
How
ever
, car
egiv
ers
shou
ld n
ote
that
chi
ldre
n m
ay w
ant t
o ch
ange
the
colo
r of d
iffe
rent
em
otio
ns a
s th
eir f
eelin
gs c
hang
e.
Hin
t:
Old
er c
hild
ren
may
not
wan
t to
take
the
time
to d
raw
pic
ture
s; h
owev
er, m
any
may
be
abl
e to
thin
k in
term
s o
f col
ors
that
cor
resp
ond
to th
eir r
eact
ions
mor
e ea
sily
than
nam
ing
thei
r re
actio
ns.
The
y m
ight
be
aske
d if
they
can
thin
k o
f a c
olor
that
fits
how
they
felt.
Som
etim
es a
vid
eo
proj
ectio
n of
the
colo
r whe
el m
ight
ass
ist t
hem
in id
entif
Yin
g th
e nu
ance
s o
f the
ir fe
elin
gs.
• R
oadm
ap o
f Tra
uma
Exe
rcis
e an
d D
iscu
ssio
n
Inst
ruct
ions
: A
sk c
hild
ren
to d
raw
a li
ne fr
om th
e tim
e th
at th
eir l
oved
one
die
d un
til th
e pr
esen
t. H
ave
them
mar
k im
port
ant e
vent
s th
at h
ave
happ
ened
dur
ing
that
tim
e on
the
line
and
indi
cate
w
heth
er th
ey w
ere
thin
gs th
at fe
lt sa
d, b
ad, m
ad, o
r gla
d.
Hin
t:
Eve
nts
may
incl
ude
the
first
tim
e th
ey re
turn
ed to
sch
ool,
the
fune
ral,
an in
terv
iew
by
the
polic
e, a
life
cha
nge
such
as
a di
vorc
e o
f par
ents
or t
he b
irth
of a
new
sib
ling,
and
so
forth
.
Hin
t:
Mos
t eve
nts
will
rela
te d
irec
tly to
the
trau
mat
ic d
eath
or b
e in
terp
rete
d in
ligh
t of
that
trau
ma.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
talk
abo
ut th
e on
goin
g im
pact
of t
he tr
aum
a,
clar
ifY a
ny m
isco
ncep
tions
, and
hel
p w
ith c
hild
ren'
s und
erst
andi
ng o
f ord
inar
y lif
e ch
ange
s tha
t tak
e pl
ace
and
thos
e th
at m
ight
hav
e be
en p
reci
pita
ted
by th
e im
pact
oft
he tr
aum
a.
Hin
t:
Man
y th
ings
in a
chi
ld's
life
will
cha
nge
as a
resu
lt o
f tra
umat
ic d
eath
. T
he c
areg
iver
m
ay s
eek
to fi
nd p
ositi
ve re
solu
tions
in th
ose
chan
ges,
but
som
e ne
gativ
e ch
ange
s may
take
pla
ce.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
hel
p ch
ildre
n co
pe w
ith c
onse
quen
t and
suc
ceed
ing
trau
mas
.
43
6.
Cop
ing
Wit
h T
raum
a or
Gri
ef R
eact
ions
Und
erly
ing
Que
stio
n: H
ow c
an y
ou li
ve w
ith y
our f
eelin
gs?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• C
lay-
thro
win
g -
to A
ddre
ss A
ng
er
Ang
er a
nd ra
ge a
re th
e m
ost v
olat
ile a
nd p
oten
tially
vio
lent
em
otio
nal r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
Old
er c
hild
ren
may
be
able
to e
xpre
ss a
nger
in w
ritin
g, v
erba
lly o
r thr
ough
con
stru
ctiv
e so
cial
ac
tion.
You
nger
chi
ldre
n m
ay fi
nd it
mor
e di
ffic
ult t
o fin
d w
ays
to a
dequ
atel
y al
levi
ate
thei
r fur
y. C
lay
thro
win
g ha
s be
en u
sed
by s
ome
care
give
rs to
ass
ist t
hem
. A
larg
e pl
astic
she
et o
r gar
bage
bag
is
plac
ed o
n th
e gr
ound
or f
loor
. U
nmol
ded
soft
cla
y is
giv
en to
chi
ldre
n. T
hey
may
sha
pe it
or s
impl
y ro
ll it
in a
bal
l. T
hey
are
then
allo
wed
to th
row
the
clay
on
the
shee
t as
hard
as
they
can
. E
ach
time
they
th
row
it d
own,
they
are
enc
oura
ged
to e
xpre
ss w
hat t
hey
are
thro
win
g it
for.
Hin
t:
If do
ne in
gro
ups,
this
act
ivity
nee
ds to
be
clos
ely
mon
itore
d so
that
chi
ldre
n do
not
th
row
the
clay
at e
ach
othe
r.
Hin
t:
A m
odif
icat
ion
ofth
is e
xerc
ise
invo
lves
usi
ng d
iffe
rent
col
ors
of c
lay
and
havi
ng
child
ren
iden
tity
diff
eren
t fee
lings
with
eac
h co
lor a
nd th
row
ing
the
colo
rs a
s th
ey e
xpre
ss d
iffe
rent
fe
elin
gs.
Hin
t:
Ven
tilat
ion
of a
nger
is a
use
ful e
xerc
ise
so lo
ng a
s it
is fo
llow
ed b
y re
laxa
tion
and
defu
sing
exe
rcis
es so
that
the
ange
r doe
s no
t esc
alat
e in
em
otio
nal i
nten
sity
.
• P
repa
ring
Sa
fety
Pla
ns -
to A
ddre
ss F
ear
Chi
ldre
n w
ho h
ave
been
trau
mat
ized
by
viol
ent d
eath
nee
d to
hav
e id
eas
abou
t how
they
ca
n pr
otec
t the
mse
lves
in th
e fu
ture
. Pr
actic
al s
afet
y pl
ans
may
not
be
fool
proo
f but
they
can
pro
vide
ch
ildre
n w
ith a
mea
sure
of r
eass
uran
ce.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld ta
lk to
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
heir
fear
s an
d tr
y to
pr
ovid
e th
em w
ith s
kills
to a
ddre
ss b
asic
pro
blem
s. F
or in
stan
ce, a
chi
ld m
ay h
ave
hear
d th
at th
ey
shou
ld c
all t
he p
olic
e in
an
emer
genc
y, b
ut th
ey d
o no
t kno
w w
hat t
he n
umbe
r is
or h
ow to
dia
l it.
Tha
t is
a s
impl
e le
sson
. T
he d
isas
ter e
duca
tion
prov
ided
to c
hild
ren
in e
arth
quak
e an
d hu
rric
ane
zone
s ar
e ex
ampl
es o
f edu
catio
n pr
ogra
ms
that
hel
p ch
ildre
n fe
el m
ore
com
pete
nt w
hen
thre
aten
ed w
ith th
ose
disa
ster
s. C
rim
e pr
even
tion
and
educ
atio
n pr
ogra
ms
can
help
chi
ldre
n fe
el m
ore
com
pete
nt w
hen
thre
aten
ed w
ith v
iole
nce.
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld a
lso
wor
k w
ith si
61J1i f
ican
t adu
lts to
ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n kn
ow w
hat w
ill h
appe
n to
them
if a
noth
er tr
aum
atic
dea
th o
ccur
s in
thei
r I iv
es.
Whe
re w
i 11 t
hey
go?
Who
will
they
live
with
? H
ow m
ight
they
con
tinue
to b
e in
con
tact
with
thei
r fri
ends
if t
hey
mus
t mov
e to
ano
ther
nei
ghbo
rhoo
d?
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
allo
wed
to p
ract
ice
safe
ty s
kills
ove
r and
ove
r aga
in u
ntil
they
re
spon
d au
tom
atic
ally
to p
erce
ptio
ns o
fthr
eats
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
44
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
allo
wed
to d
evel
op th
eir o
wn
safe
ty te
chni
ques
and
try
them
out
to
see
if t
hey
wor
k. [
fthe
ir su
gges
tions
or a
ttem
pts
refl
ect g
ood
thin
king
but
nee
d re
fine
men
t, ca
regi
vers
sh
ould
rein
forc
e th
eir e
ffor
ts.
[fth
eir s
ugge
stio
ns a
re d
ange
rous
or w
ould
be
futil
e, th
ey s
houl
d be
en
cour
aged
to c
onsi
der a
ltern
ativ
es.
Hin
t:
Safe
ty p
lans
sho
uld
have
rea
listic
cha
nces
of s
ucce
ss.
Car
ryin
g a
good
luck
cha
rm
may
pro
vide
reas
sura
nce,
but
will
not
pro
vide
a c
hild
with
safe
ty.
• Jo
urna
l-w
riti
ng -
to A
ddre
ss C
onfu
sion
Kee
ping
a re
gula
r jou
rnal
is s
omet
hing
that
all
scho
ol a
ge c
hild
ren
can
do.
For y
oung
ch
ildre
n th
is m
ay in
volv
e ke
epin
g a
scra
pboo
k of
thin
gs w
ith a
few
pri
nted
wor
ds th
at d
escr
ibe
feel
ings
an
d th
ough
ts.
Old
er c
hild
ren
can
expa
nd th
eir i
deas
and
reac
tions
. T
he v
alue
ofj
oum
al-w
riti
ng is
that
it
give
s ch
ildre
n a
chan
ce to
nar
rate
thei
r sto
ry o
ver a
nd o
ver a
gain
as
wel
l as
to e
xpre
ss th
eir r
eact
ions
. E
ach
narr
atio
n m
ay h
elp
them
sor
t thr
ough
fact
s an
d em
otio
ns th
at c
onfu
se th
em.
Hin
t:
Car
egiv
ers
shou
ld a
ssur
e ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir j
ourn
als c
an b
e ke
pt p
riva
te b
ut e
ncou
rag
e th
em to
sha
re th
em v
olun
taril
y.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n m
ay fi
nd it
eas
ier t
o sh
are
the
cont
ents
of t
heir
jour
nals
ifth
ey th
ink
that
th
eir e
xper
ienc
es w
ill h
elp
othe
rs w
ho fa
ce s
imila
r tra
uma
or g
rief.
• I'
m O
K A
ffir
mat
ions
-to
Add
ress
Sh
am
e
Car
egiv
ers
can
talk
to c
hild
ren
who
feel
ash
amed
of w
hat t
hey
did
duri
ng a
trau
mat
ic e
vent
, ha
ving
sur
vive
d a
trau
ma,
or h
ow th
eir l
oved
one
die
d to
thin
k ab
out t
he g
ood
thin
gs th
ey d
o an
d th
e go
od th
ings
thei
r lov
ed o
nes
have
don
e. C
hild
ren
may
be
aske
d to
list
the
thin
gs th
at th
ey a
re p
roud
est
of-
in th
emse
lves
or t
heir
love
d on
es -
and
to k
eep
a ch
art o
f eac
h tim
e th
ey d
o so
met
hing
or
rem
embe
r som
ethi
ng th
at re
affi
rms
that
qua
lity
or a
ttrib
ute.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay a
lso
feel
ash
amed
of t
hing
s th
at h
appe
n to
them
aft
er a
trau
ma.
Som
etim
es c
hild
ren
who
hav
e be
en p
erce
ived
by
adul
ts to
hav
e be
en "
hero
es"
duri
ng a
trau
ma
feel
par
ticul
arly
ash
amed
bec
ause
they
"kn
ow"
insi
de th
at th
ey w
ere
scar
ed a
nd fe
lt he
lple
ss.
Car
egiv
ers
can
talk
to c
hild
ren
and
deve
lop
plan
s fo
r ho
w to
res
pond
to
emba
rras
sing
que
stio
ns, c
omm
ents
or s
ituat
ions
. W
ritin
g ou
t "cu
e ca
rds"
that
chi
ldre
n ca
n ca
rry
with
th
em to
rem
ind
them
of h
ow th
ey p
lan
to r
espo
nd c
an p
rovi
de e
xtra
sec
urity
.
• W
orry
Bea
ds -
to A
ddre
ss G
uilt
an
d A
nxi
ety
Wor
ry b
eads
are
com
mon
obj
ects
use
d in
pra
yer a
nd m
edita
tion
in m
any
part
s of
the
wor
ld.
In a
n ad
apta
tion
of t
his
use,
car
egiv
ers
may
ask
chi
ldre
n to
mak
e a
set o
f bea
ds o
ut o
f pap
ier-
mac
he,
oldj
ewel
ry, g
lue
and
pape
r or o
ther
mat
eria
ls.
Eac
h be
ad c
an b
e us
ed to
sym
boliz
e sp
ecif
ic w
orri
es,
guilt
feel
ings
or a
nxie
ties
a ch
ild m
ay h
ave.
The
y st
ring
and
kee
p th
em to
touc
h an
d fe
el w
hene
ver t
hey
are
thin
king
anx
ious
thou
ghts
. T
hey
sym
boliz
e th
at th
ese
thou
ghts
are
with
in th
eir c
ontr
ol a
nd c
an b
e so
othe
d an
d ca
lmed
by
thei
r fin
gers
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
45
• R
itua
l: T
he B
urde
n B
aske
t
Thi
s ri
tual
, dra
wn
from
Nat
ive
Am
eric
an T
ribe
s, w
here
bur
den
bask
ets
wer
e co
nstr
ucte
d ou
t of c
edar
to a
bsor
b an
ger a
nd te
ars
to c
arry
eve
ryda
y bu
rden
s, in
volv
es c
reat
ing
a ba
sket
out
of t
he
child
's c
hoic
e o
f mat
eria
l. T
he c
hild
then
wri
tes
or d
epic
ts fe
elin
gs th
at a
re o
verw
helm
ing
and
depo
sits
th
em in
the
bask
et.
The
bas
ket t
hen
is b
urne
d an
d th
e as
hes
scat
tere
d to
hel
p de
fuse
the
inte
nsity
oft
he
imm
edia
te fe
elin
gs.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
supe
rvis
ed c
lose
ly if
the
bask
et is
bur
ned.
Hin
t:
Som
etim
es c
hild
ren
wan
t to
disp
ose
of t
he b
aske
t in
a di
ffer
ent w
ay
-su
ch
as
thro
win
g it
in a
bod
y o
f wat
er.
Hin
t:
Som
etim
es c
hild
ren
mig
ht w
ant t
o ke
ep th
e ba
sket
and
its
cont
ents
and
pic
k a
spec
ific
tim
e ea
ch d
ay o
r wee
k to
look
at t
heir
bur
dens
and
ree
xam
ine
the
issu
es in
a n
ew c
onte
xt.
• R
itua
l: T
he H
eali
ng C
ircl
e
The
sha
man
i (na
tura
l med
icin
e) tr
aditi
on th
roug
hout
the
wor
ld s
ugge
sts
that
a h
ealin
g ci
rcle
ca
n he
lp u
s co
nnec
t with
spi
rit a
nd a
ffir
m o
ur p
lace
in th
e un
iver
se.
The
Hea
ling
Cir
cle
uses
eac
h o
f the
fo
ur d
irec
tions
in n
atu
re-S
ou
th, W
est,
Nor
th a
nd E
ast t
o id
entif
y sp
ecif
ic ta
sks
and
proc
esse
s o
f de
velo
pmen
t for
indi
vidu
als a
nd c
omm
uniti
es to
atte
nd to
in th
eir l
ives
. C
hild
ren
may
par
ticip
ate
in a
rit
ual a
dapt
ed fr
om th
e sh
aman
i tra
ditio
n th
at u
ses
thes
e di
rect
ions
to a
ddre
ss th
eir n
eeds
. Mus
ic a
nd
rhyt
hm c
an b
e us
ed to
acc
ompa
ny th
is ri
tual
.
A c
ircl
e is
dra
wn
on th
e gr
ound
and
the
child
sta
nds
faci
ng S
outh
. T
his
is th
e di
rect
ion
of t
he
heal
er.
The
chi
ld a
sks
the
win
ds o
f the
Sou
th to
hel
p hi
m d
eal w
ith h
is tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief.
The
chi
ld te
lls
the
sout
h w
inds
of h
is s
orro
w a
nd lo
ss a
s w
ell a
s an
y se
nse
of a
band
onm
ent b
y th
e on
e he
love
d. A
rh
ythm
ic d
rum
beat
acc
ompa
nies
the
stor
y.
The
chi
ld th
en fa
ces
Wes
t. It
is in
this
dir
ectio
n th
at th
e ch
ild is
ask
ed to
talk
abo
ut h
is f
ears
and
hi
s lo
nelin
ess.
Thi
s is
the
dire
ctio
n o
f cou
rage
. H
e ca
lls u
pon
the
spir
its o
fthe
Wes
t to
help
him
fac
e th
ose
fear
s. A
tim
e o
f sile
nce
is u
sed
to h
elp
the
child
gat
her h
is c
oura
ge.
The
chi
ld th
en f
aces
Nor
th to
ask
for
the
abili
ty to
cop
e w
ith h
is a
nger
, fea
r, an
d sa
dnes
s. H
e as
ks th
e sp
irits
oft
he N
orth
to h
elp
him
rec
onne
ct w
ith f
amily
and
co
mm
un
ity
-to
bre
ach
the
gap
the
trau
ma
has
caus
ed.
A d
ance
of r
emem
bran
ce a
nd o
utre
ach
to o
ther
s is
use
d to
beg
in th
is p
roce
ss.
The
chi
ld fi
nally
fac
es E
ast t
o fin
d a
visi
on to
gui
de h
im in
the
futu
re.
The
task
of d
ecid
ing
how
to
go
on in
volv
es fr
eein
g on
esel
ffro
m th
e pa
st s
o th
at o
ne c
an b
e fu
lly c
omm
itted
to th
e pr
esen
t and
the
futu
re v
isio
n. S
ongs
of h
ope
acco
mpa
ny th
e ch
ild a
s he
face
s th
is d
irec
tion.
Hin
t:
Thi
s rit
ual s
houl
d be
pla
nned
in a
dvan
ce a
nd in
volv
e pa
rtic
ipat
ion
and
assi
stan
ce o
f ca
regi
vers
. It
may
be
mos
t app
ropr
iate
for o
lder
chi
ldre
n be
caus
e o
f the
com
plex
ity o
fthe
sym
bolis
m.
Ado
lesc
ents
may
wan
t to
crea
te th
eir o
wn
rhyt
hm a
nd m
usic
al a
ccom
pani
men
t.
Hin
t:
Thi
s rit
ual m
ay b
e us
ed in
four
dif
fere
nt d
iscu
ssio
n se
ssio
ns w
ith th
e ch
ildre
n in
-vo
lved
.
46
•
7. M
emor
ials
and
Rem
embr
ance
Unde
r~vi
ng Q
uest
ion:
How
can
you
rem
embe
r the
one
you
love
d an
d ex
pres
s yo
ur lo
ss?
Act
ivit
ies
that
Hel
p A
ddre
ss th
e Q
uest
ion:
• F
uner
als
an
d F
orm
al M
emor
ial S
ervi
ces
Con
sist
ent w
ith th
e sp
iritu
al b
elie
fs o
fthe
fam
ily, c
areg
iver
s sh
ould
enc
oura
ge p
aren
ts to
in
clud
e ch
ildre
n in
fune
rals
and
mem
oria
l ser
vice
s so
they
can
exp
ress
thei
r ow
n gr
ief,
say
good
-bye
to
thei
r lov
ed o
ne a
nd b
e m
ore
conn
ecte
d w
ith th
e gr
ief o
f the
ir pe
ers
and
sign
ific
ant a
dults
. C
hild
ren
may
w
ant t
o br
ing
"gif
ts"
to s
uch
serv
ices
or d
epos
it le
tters
or m
emen
tos
in th
e co
ffin
or a
t the
bur
ial s
ite.
Ofte
n tr
aditi
onal
spi
ritu
al a
nd m
ourn
ing
ritua
ls h
elp
to a
ccom
plis
h th
e ac
know
ledg
men
t of d
eath
and
the
reaf
firm
atio
n of
life.
• C
hild
-cen
tere
d M
emor
ial S
ervi
ces
Man
y tim
es c
hild
ren
need
to h
ave
thei
r ow
n m
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
in a
dditi
on to
the
ones
pl
anne
d by
and
for a
dult
grie
vers
. Su
ch p
lans
sho
uld
be e
ncou
rage
d an
d su
ppor
ted.
• C
ultu
rall
y-sa
ncti
oned
Rit
ual:
All
Sai
nts
Day
In M
exic
o, A
ll Sa
ints
Day
is a
tim
e to
hon
or th
e de
ad.
It ce
nter
s ar
ound
feas
ting
and
offe
ling
food
to th
e de
ad a
s w
ell a
s gi
ft e
xcha
nges
and
fam
ily r
euni
ons.
Car
egiv
ers
coul
d su
gges
t tha
t ch
ildre
n an
d th
eir f
amili
es a
dopt
a si
mila
r rit
ual-
perh
aps
on th
e bi
rthd
ay o
fthe
dec
ease
d lo
ved
one
or
on a
day
with
spe
cial
mea
ning
for t
he fa
mily
.
• C
ultu
rall
y-sa
ncti
oned
Rit
ual:
Bud
dhis
t a
nd
Shi
nto
Tra
diti
ons
Man
y ho
mes
hav
e an
alta
r hon
orin
g de
ceas
ed a
nces
tors
. Pi
ctur
es m
ight
be
plac
ed th
ere
and
even
an
urn
cont
aini
ng c
rem
atio
n as
hes.
Fam
ily m
embe
rs m
ay m
ake
offe
ring
s to
thei
r lov
ed o
nes,
as
k ad
vice
, or s
tate
opi
nion
s. T
he c
onne
ctio
n w
ith th
e pa
st li
ves
in th
e pr
esen
t. C
hild
ren
may
wan
t to
choo
se a
spec
ial p
lace
in th
eir o
wn
hom
e w
here
they
feel
esp
ecia
lly c
lose
to a
dec
ease
d fa
mily
mem
ber
and
mak
e a
habi
t of c
omm
unic
atin
g th
eir i
deas
and
feel
ings
to th
at p
erso
n.
Bec
ause
chi
ldre
n te
nd to
grie
ve a
nd m
ourn
spo
radi
cally
ove
r lon
g pe
riod
s of t
ime,
indi
vidu
aliz
ed
mem
oria
l act
iviti
es s
houl
d al
so b
e su
ppor
ted.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
47
• Tr
easu
re M
ap
Car
egiv
ers
can
supp
ly c
hild
ren
wit
h a
larg
e st
ack
of o
ld m
agaz
ines
, sci
ssor
s, g
lue
and
a la
rge
piec
e o
f con
stru
ctio
n pa
per.
Ins
truc
t chi
ldre
n to
go
thro
ugh
the
mag
azin
es q
uick
ly a
nd f
ind
pic
ture
s, w
ords
, or c
apti
ons
that
rem
ind
them
of t
heir
love
d on
e. A
sk th
em to
cut
out
thos
e th
at c
atch
thei
r ey
es.
Aft
er th
ey h
ave
asse
mbl
ed a
pil
e o
f cut
outs
, tel
l the
m to
wri
te th
e na
me
or d
raw
a p
ictu
re o
f the
ir
love
d on
e in
the
mid
dle
of t
he c
onst
ruct
ion
pape
r and
then
glu
e th
e ot
her i
tem
s ar
ound
in w
hate
ver o
rder
th
ey w
ant.
The
y m
ay w
ant t
o dr
aw li
nes
from
eac
h it
em to
the
pict
ure
or n
ame
in t
he c
ente
r. O
r the
y m
ay w
ant t
o d
raw
line
s th
at c
onne
ct a
ll th
e it
ems
to e
ach
othe
r and
then
en
d in
the
cen
ter.
Wha
teve
r the
or
der,
the
chil
dren
hav
e cr
eate
d a
trea
sure
map
oft
hei
r tho
ught
s an
d fe
elin
gs o
f the
love
d on
e.
Hin
t:
A v
aria
tion
oft
his
exe
rcis
e fo
r old
er c
hild
ren
is to
take
a p
iece
of p
aper
, and
in th
e m
iddl
e o
f the
pap
er p
ut th
e na
me
oft
he
pers
on.
The
n, th
ey s
houl
d be
inst
ruct
ed to
wri
te w
ords
aro
und
that
per
son'
s na
me
that
they
ass
ocia
te w
ith
them
.
Hin
t:
Chi
ldre
n m
ay u
se th
is a
s a
way
to m
emor
iali
ze a
lov
ed o
ne.
It m
ay a
lso
be u
sed
to
expl
ore
unre
solv
ed fe
elin
gs o
fth
e ch
ild
abou
t the
dec
ease
d.
• A
Mem
ory
Bo
x
Chi
ldre
n m
ay w
ant t
o sa
ve it
ems
that
rem
ind
them
oft
hei
r lo
ved
one
in a
spe
cial
box
that
ca
n b
e lo
oked
at w
hen
they
feel
sad
or w
hen
they
wan
t to
feel
the
pre
senc
e o
fth
eir
love
d on
e. C
on
stru
ctin
g an
d de
cora
ting
an
old
ciga
r box
or s
hoe
box
for
this
pur
pose
can
be
crea
tive
and
com
fort
ing
wor
k.
• V
isits
to
Cem
eter
y
Car
egiv
ers
mig
ht s
ugge
st r
egul
ar m
onth
ly v
isit
s to
the
cem
eter
y w
here
the
love
d on
es o
f ch
ildr
en a
re.
Chi
ldre
n ca
n w
rite
lett
ers
abou
t the
ir c
urre
nt a
ctiv
itie
s in
life
, poe
ms
of r
emem
bran
ce, o
r ch
oose
son
gs to
sin
g. T
his
acti
vity
hel
ps c
hild
ren
keep
a s
ense
of c
omm
unio
n an
d co
nnec
tion
wit
h th
e sp
irit
oft
he
love
d on
e.
48
E. S
up
por
t Gro
up
Act
ivit
ies
The
fol
low
ing
page
s co
ntai
n sa
mpl
e su
ppor
t gro
up s
essi
on to
pics
that
can
be
used
wit
h gr
ievi
ng c
hild
ren,
bro
ken
dow
n in
to a
ge b
YfO
UP
S b
y de
velo
pmen
tal l
evel
s. W
hile
som
e ca
regi
vers
may
fe
el m
ore
com
fort
able
if g
roup
s ar
e li
mit
ed to
chi
ldre
n o
f sim
ilar
dev
elop
men
tal l
evel
s, o
ther
car
egiv
ers
have
fou
nd m
ixed
age
s m
anag
eabl
e in
one
gro
up.
Gro
ups
shou
ld b
e li
mit
ed to
no
mor
e th
an 2
0 ch
ildr
en
to f
acil
itat
e co
mm
unic
atio
n. I
t is
best
to h
ave
at le
ast t
wo
trai
ned
care
give
rs in
att
enda
nce.
Sup
port
gr
oups
wit
h ol
der c
hild
ren
can
be f
acil
itat
ed b
y pe
ers
or g
roup
mem
bers
but
sho
uld
have
adu
lts
avai
lab
le f
or re
sour
ce a
nd c
ouns
el.
You
nger
gro
ups
may
be
faci
lita
ted
by a
dole
scen
ts in
par
tner
ship
wit
h ad
ults
.
Gro
up s
essi
ons
shou
ld u
sual
ly la
st n
o lo
nger
than
112
to I
hou
r wit
h gr
oups
age
s 2-
6; I
hou
r fo
r gr
oups
age
s 7-
11; a
nd
1 1
/2 h
ours
to 2
hou
rs f
or g
roup
s ov
er th
e ag
e o
f 12
. R
efre
shm
ents
sho
uld
be
prov
ided
, ifp
ossi
ble.
It i
s pr
efer
able
if g
roup
s m
eet w
eekl
y fo
r 6 w
eeks
and
then
take
a b
reak
bef
ore
star
ting
aga
in, i
f nee
ded.
Thi
s al
low
s ti
me
for
the
grou
p m
embe
rs to
get
to k
now
and
trus
t eac
h ot
her,
bu
t als
o al
low
s gr
oup
mem
bers
an
opp
ortu
nity
to d
rop
out a
fter
the
firs
t cyc
le, i
f the
ses
sion
s ar
e no
lo
nger
nee
ded
or d
o no
t fit
into
thei
r sch
edul
e.
Sup
port
gro
ups
may
cen
ter a
roun
d on
e pa
rtic
ular
trau
mat
ic e
vent
that
aff
ecte
d a
sign
ific
ant
popu
lati
on o
f chi
ldre
n su
ch a
s a
sudd
en d
eath
in a
sch
ool s
etti
ng o
r on
the
gri
ef o
f chi
ldre
n w
ho h
ave
surv
ived
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ved
one
in a
var
iety
of t
raum
atic
eve
nts.
The
pur
pose
oft
he
grou
p is
:
• T
o he
lp th
e ch
ildr
en p
roce
ss th
e tr
aum
atic
exp
erie
nce,
its
afte
nnat
h an
d th
eir r
eact
ions
.
• T
o id
enti
i)r t
roub
ling
thou
ghts
or e
mot
ions
sur
roun
ding
the
expe
rien
ce a
nd th
e de
ath.
• T
o pr
ovid
e ed
ucat
ion
for c
hild
ren
on tr
aum
a, g
rief
, and
hea
lthy
cop
ing
stra
tegi
es.
• T
o pr
ovid
e to
ols
and
skil
ls f
or c
hild
ren
to u
se in
eve
ryda
y li
fe a
s th
ey c
ope
wit
h tr
aum
atic
gr
ief.
49
1. A
ges
2-6
Sett
ing:
Whe
n yo
ung
chil
dren
mee
t in
a gr
oup
it is
bes
t ift
he
faci
lita
tors
arr
ange
for
a c
omfo
rt
able
env
iron
men
t whe
re th
ey c
an s
it o
n th
e fl
oor
in a
cir
cle.
Chi
ldre
n m
ay b
e en
cour
aged
to b
ring
a
favo
rite
stu
ffed
ani
mal
to th
e gr
oup.
Alt
erna
tive
ly, f
acil
itat
ors
mig
ht p
rovi
de th
e ch
ildr
en w
ith
such
a
stuf
fed
toy
to h
old
on to
whi
le th
ey p
arti
cipa
te in
the
gro
up.
Par
ents
may
be
pres
ent b
ut s
houl
d no
t pa
rtic
ipat
e in
the
sess
ions
. P
aren
ts s
houl
d be
kep
t inf
orm
ed o
f the
sub
ject
mat
ter o
f eac
h gr
oup
and
any
re
ques
ts fo
r chi
ldre
n to
do
acti
viti
es a
t hom
e o
r bri
ng th
ings
from
hom
e. R
efre
shm
ents
suc
h as
coo
kies
an
d ju
ice
shou
ld b
e pr
ovid
ed a
t the
end
of t
he s
essi
on.
Tool
s: P
aper
, cra
yons
, glu
e st
icks
, pic
ture
s cu
t fro
m m
agaz
ines
, hou
sepl
ants
or f
low
ers,
a
pitc
her a
nd
pap
er c
ups,
rib
bon,
and
a b
all.
50
Sess
ion
On
e (2
-6):
Int
rodu
ctio
n; D
iscu
ssio
n of
Vio
lent
Dea
th
A.
Fac
ilit
ator
s In
trod
uce
The
mse
lves
an
d E
xpla
in t
he
Pur
pose
of t
he
Gro
up s
essi
ons.
"Goo
d af
tern
oon.
I
am S
uzie
Wils
on a
nd th
is i
s Ju
dy M
artin
. W
e ar
e lo
okin
gfor
war
d to
tal
king
and
pla
ying
wit
h yo
u to
day.
D
id e
very
one
brin
g a
toy
wit
h th
em?
[Alt
erna
tive
: D
id
ever
yone
get
a t
oy a
s th
ey a
rriv
ed?}
C
an y
ou a
ll h
old
your
toy
up fo
r us
to
see?
T
hank
you
. Ju
dy a
nd
I ar
e go
ing
to p
lay
wit
h yo
u ev
ery
wee
k un
til
Than
k'lg
ivin
g.
[Fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
id
entif
j; a
hol
iday
or
seas
on t
hat c
orre
spon
ds to
whe
n th
e si
x w
eek'
! w
ill e
nd
} E
very
one
here
has
kn
own
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
who
die
d re
cent
ly.
That
is
wha
t w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t -w
hat y
ou
thin
k ab
out
that
an
d h
ow y
ou
feel
. W
e al
so w
ant
to g
et to
kno
w y
ou a
ll a
lit
tle
bette
r.
So w
e w
ant y
ou
to t
ell
us y
ou
r na
me
an
d a
lit
tle
bit a
bout
the
per
son
you
know
who
die
d
To h
elp
us d
o th
at,
we
are
goin
g to
pla
ya b
all g
ame.
B.
Lis
t B
asic
Rul
es;
Tape
The
m t
o th
e W
all
to R
efer
to T
hrou
ghou
t th
e Se
ssio
n.
Rul
es f
or G
rou
p P
arti
cip
atio
n
• O
nly
one
pers
on ta
lks
at a
tim
e.
• E
very
one
has
a ch
ance
to ta
lk b
ut n
o on
e ha
s to
. •
No
one
shou
ld m
ake
fun
of a
nyon
e el
se in
the
grou
p.
• It
's o
kay
to b
e up
set a
nd fe
el f
eeli
ngs.
•
It's
not
oka
y to
hit
or s
hove
som
eone
els
e.
• A
ny q
uest
ion
can
be a
sked
, not
all
que
stio
ns c
an b
e an
swer
ed.
C.
Ba
ll G
ame
Fac
ilit
ator
s ho
ld a
bal
l in
thei
r han
ds a
nd g
ive
the
foll
owin
g in
stru
ctio
ns.
"We
are
goin
g to
rol
l th
is b
all t
o on
e o
f you
. Yo
u w
ill c
atch
it.
Whe
n yo
u c
atch
it,
we
wan
t you
to
tell
eve
rybo
dy y
ou
r na
me,
the
nam
e o
f you
r st
ufle
d an
imal
, an
d th
e na
me
of t
he
pers
on w
ho d
ied
Th
en,
we
wan
t you
to t
ell
us w
hen
the
pers
on d
ied
and
how
she
or
he d
ied
W
hen
you
aref
inis
hed
talk
ing,
you
get
to r
oll
the
ball
bac
k to
us
and
we
wil
l rol
l it
to s
omeo
ne
else
. W
hen
you
hav
e th
e ba
l!,
you
get
to t
alk;
whe
n so
meo
ne e
lse
has
the
ball,
you
get
to l
iste
n. "
Mod
el th
is a
ctiv
ity
by ro
llin
g th
e ba
ll to
ano
ther
faci
lita
tor a
nd te
llin
g yo
ur n
ame,
the
nam
e o
f yo
ur s
tuff
ed a
nim
al, a
nd th
e na
mes
of p
erso
ns w
hom
you
hav
e kn
own
who
hav
e di
ed.
Whe
n th
e ba
ll is
ro
lled
to th
e ch
ildr
en, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld b
e pr
epar
ed to
hel
p th
e ch
ildr
en re
mem
ber t
he q
uest
ions
by
as
king
aga
in,
"Wha
t:'!
you
r na
me?
W
ho i
s yo
ur fr
iend
[in
dica
te t
he s
tuff
ed a
nim
al}?
W
ho d
id y
ou
kn
ow w
ho d
ied?
Can
you
tell
me
whe
n or
how
it h
appe
ned?
" F
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld r
espo
nd b
y
sayi
ng th
ey a
re s
orry
the
pers
on d
ied
and
reas
sure
chi
ldre
n th
at b
eing
sad
is o
kay.
D.
Th
inki
ng
Ab
ou
t L
ife
an
d D
eath
• B
egin
this
exe
rcis
e by
say
ing,
-C
on
tin
ued
-
51
.. Whe
n so
meo
ne d
ies,
the
y ar
e de
ad.
They
don
i m
ove,
eat
, sl
eep,
or
brea
the.
Th
eir
hear
t doe
sn i
bea
t. W
hen
they
die
, th
ey c
an t
com
e ba
ck to
life
. W
hat
do y
ou t
hink
bei
ng d
ead
mea
ns?"
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
cho
ose
a pi
ece
of p
aper
and
som
e cr
ayon
s.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of d
eath
on
one
side
of t
he p
aper
.
• A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
ofl
ife
on th
e ot
her s
ide.
• A
sk e
ach
oft
he
chil
dren
to e
xpla
in th
eir p
ictu
res.
• C
lari
fy m
isco
ncep
tion
s an
d be
pre
pare
d to
ans
wer
que
stio
ns.
E.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
em fo
r be
ing
a pa
rt o
f the
gro
up a
nd fo
r pl
ayin
g to
geth
er.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• E
nco
ura
ge th
e ch
ildr
en to
take
thei
r pic
ture
s ho
me.
• R
emin
d th
em th
at th
ey m
ight
thin
k ab
out d
eath
or t
he p
erso
n th
ey lo
ved
duri
ng th
e ne
xt
wee
k an
d if
they
wan
t to
draw
mor
e pi
ctur
es a
bout
wha
t the
y th
ink
or fe
el, t
he f
acil
itat
ors
wou
ld li
ke to
se
e th
ose
pict
ures
at t
he n
ext g
roup
ses
sion
.
52
Sess
ion
Tw
o (2
-6):
Fee
ling
s
A.
Illt
rodu
ctio
lls
alld
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
siol
l
Faci
litat
ors
shou
ld b
egin
by
revi
ewin
g th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
r.f;
·iend
s (t
he s
tufT
ed
anim
als)
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to s
hare
? D
oes
anyo
ne
have
a s
tory
q[s
omet
hing
that
hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
tell
?" [
If th
e ch
ildr
en a
nsw
er y
es, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld a
sk e
ach
one
who
wan
ts to
sho
w s
omet
hing
or
tell
som
eth
ing
to d
o so
.}
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
lea
rn m
ore
abou
t th
e pe
ople
you
kno
w w
ho d
ied
-w
hat
they
w
ere
like
an
d h
ow y
ou
feel
now
that
the
y ar
e go
ne. "
B.
Mem
ory
Pic
ture
s
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w p
ictu
res
of t
hing
s th
eir l
oved
one
like
d or
that
rem
ind
them
of
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
• S
ugge
st th
at th
e ch
ildre
n se
lect
som
e pi
ctur
es fr
om m
agaz
ines
or o
ther
pub
licat
ions
of
com
mon
item
s su
ch a
s ca
ndy,
flow
ers,
hou
seho
ld a
pplia
nces
, car
s, a
nim
als
or fu
rnitu
re th
at re
min
d th
em
of t
heir
love
d on
e an
d gl
ue th
em o
n th
e pi
ctur
e pa
per.
[Pre
-cut
pic
ture
s ca
n sa
ve ti
me.
]
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to ta
lk a
littl
e bi
t abo
ut th
e m
emor
y pi
ctur
e.
C.
Fee
lill
g P
ictu
rebo
ok
Ask
the
child
ren
to d
raw
one
pic
ture
eac
h o
f how
they
look
whe
n th
ey e
xper
ienc
e th
e fo
llow
ing
feel
ings
.
"How
do
you
loo
k w
hen
you
feel
hap
py?"
"H
ow d
o yo
u l
ook
whe
n yo
u fe
el m
ad
?"
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el a
frai
d?"
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el li
ke y
ou d
id s
omet
hing
wro
ng?
" "H
ow d
o yo
u l
ook
whe
n yo
u fe
el s
ad?
"
• H
elp
the
child
ren
stap
le o
r tap
e th
em to
geth
er in
a b
ook
with
a c
over
on
it th
at s
ays"
[C
hild
's N
ame]
's Fe
elin
gs B
ook"
.
• E
xpla
in th
at:
"Fee
ling
s ar
en ~
wro
ng o
r ri
ght
but t
hey
can
mak
e u
sfee
l goo
d or
bad
. "
"Eve
ryon
e ha
s di
ffer
entf
eeli
ngs
at d
!fTer
ent
tim
es b
ut m
ost
qfu
s ha
ve s
imil
ar
feel
ings
to
each
oth
er a
t som
e tim
e. "
-
Co
nti
nu
ed-
53
"Som
etim
es i
t is
har
d to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t w
e ar
efee
ling
bec
ause
we
don'
t th
ink
othe
r pe
ople
can
und
erst
and.
but
it o
fien
hel
ps to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t w
e ar
efee
ling
bec
ause
it
mak
es u
sfee
lles
s lo
nely
. ..
• E
xp
lain
that
thes
e bo
oks
can
be u
sed
ever
y ti
me
the
grou
p m
eets
to s
how
eac
h ot
her
how
eac
h ch
ild
feel
s th
at d
ay.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
whi
ch fe
elin
g th
ey h
ave
righ
t now
whe
n th
ey th
ink
abou
t the
ir lo
ved
one.
• U
se th
e ba
ll g
ame
to h
elp
chil
dren
take
turn
s ta
lkin
g an
d li
sten
ing.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k
so th
at th
ey c
an b
ring
them
to th
e ne
xt s
essi
on.
54
Sess
ion
Thr
ee (
2-6)
: F
ear
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
Faci
litat
ors s
houl
d be
gin
by re
view
ing
thou
ghts
the
child
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. 1
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
rfri
ends
(th
e st
uffe
d an
imal
s).
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
ha
ve a
sto
ry o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
aft
he
chil
dren
ans
wer
yes
, fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
ask
eac
h on
e w
ho w
ants
to s
how
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
ome
thin
g to
do
so.}
R
emem
ber
ourf
eeli
ng b
ooks
tha
t you
mad
e la
st w
eek
[dis
trib
ute
thef
eeli
ng
book
s}?
Can
eac
h o
f you
pic
k ou
t the
pic
ture
tha
t sho
ws
how
you
are
feel
ing
righ
t now
? [A
s th
e ch
ildr
en p
ick
out t
heir
pic
ture
s, a
sk th
em t
o te
ll w
hy t
hey
aref
eeli
ng th
at w
ay.}
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
talk
abo
ut t
hing
s th
at w
e ar
e af
,-aid
of
Lots
o.l
tim
es w
hen
som
eone
we
love
die
s, w
e ge
t sca
red
abou
t th
e w
ay th
ey d
ied,
how
oth
er p
eopl
e tr
eat
us,
or
may
be w
heth
er w
e're
goi
ng to
die
soo
n, t
oo.
Eve
ryon
e is
saf
e he
re r
ight
now
, bu
t 1 k
now
whe
n 1
get s
care
d o.
fsom
ethi
ng s
omet
imes
I w
ant t
o cu
rl u
p in
to a
lit
tle
teen
y ba
ll a
nd h
ide.
"
B.
Scar
y P
ictu
res
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of a
sca
ry th
ing.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to e
xpla
in w
hat i
t is
that
is s
cary
in th
e pi
ctur
e.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
try
to c
hang
e th
e pi
ctur
e to
mak
e it
less
sca
ry.
Thi
s ac
tivity
allo
ws
child
ren
to re
aliz
e th
at th
ey h
ave
som
e po
wer
ove
r sca
ry th
ings
.
C.
Stu
ffed
An
ima
l Pla
y
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
pre
tend
that
thei
r stu
ffed
ani
mal
s are
ver
y fr
ight
ened
of s
omet
hing
.
• A
llow
each
chi
ld to
des
crib
e w
hat t
heir
ani
mal
is a
frai
d of
.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to s
how
the
grou
p w
hat t
heir
ani
mal
mig
ht d
o if
it w
ere
afra
id o
r how
th
ey m
ight
mak
e th
e an
imal
fee
l saf
e ag
ain.
D.
Hou
sepl
ant
Act
ivit
y
• F
ill a
larg
e pi
tche
r with
wat
er a
nd la
bel t
he p
itche
r with
a m
arke
r as
"Fea
rs".
• G
ive
each
chi
ld a
pap
er c
up.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to n
ame
som
ethi
ng th
ey a
re a
frai
d of
. W
hile
the
child
is ta
lkin
g ab
out i
t, th
e fa
cilit
ator
s sh
ould
:
• P
ou
r the
ir "
fear
s" fr
om th
e pi
tche
r int
o th
eir p
aper
cup
s. W
hen
each
chi
ld h
as a
cup
full
of f
ears
: -
Co
nti
nu
ed-
55
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
pou
r the
ir fe
ars
into
a h
ouse
plan
t.
• E
xpla
in th
at w
hen
we
keep
ou
r fea
rs to
our
selv
es, t
hey
ofte
n m
ake
us m
ore
afra
id.
Whe
n w
e ar
e ab
le to
po
ur t
hem
out
, we
can
feel
str
onge
r and
they
can
hel
p us
gro
w -ju
st
like
the
wat
er w
ill h
elp
the
plan
t to
grow
.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
56
•
Sess
ion
Fou
r (2
-6):
Ang
er
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
Faci
litat
ors
shou
ld b
egin
by
revi
ewin
g th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
rfri
ends
(th
e st
uffe
d an
imal
s).
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
ha
ve a
sto
ry o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng th
e w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
[I
f the
ch
ildr
en a
nsw
er y
es, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld a
sk e
ach
one
who
wan
ts to
sho
w s
omet
hing
or
tell
som
eth
ing
to d
o so
.]
Rem
embe
r ou
r fee
ling
boo
k'!
[dis
trib
ute
thef
eeli
ng b
ooks
]?
Can
eac
h o
f you
pi
ck o
ut th
e pi
ctur
e th
at s
how
s ho
w y
ou a
refe
elin
g ri
ght n
ow?
[As
the
chil
dren
pic
k ou
t the
ir
pict
ures
, as
k th
em t
o te
ll w
hy th
ey a
refe
elin
g th
at w
ay.]
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
times
whe
n w
e ar
e an
g'y.
L
ots
qf t
imes
whe
n so
meo
ne w
e lo
ve i
s ki
lled,
we
get
mad
at
the
pers
on w
ho k
ille
d th
em,
at p
eopl
e w
ho s
houl
d ha
ve
help
ed th
em,
at o
ther
peo
ple
who
don
i u
nder
stan
d.
Som
etim
es p
eopl
e te
ll u
s w
e sh
ould
n i b
e an
gly,
but
no
one
can
help
it (
[the
y fe
el a
ngry
som
etim
es w
hen
som
eone
die
s su
dden
ly. ,
.
B.
Wor
king
With
Cla
y
• P
lace
pla
stic
gar
bage
bag
s in
fron
t of e
ach
child
and
giv
e th
e ch
ildre
n ba
lls o
f cla
y.
• A
sk th
em to
mak
e so
met
hing
that
mak
es th
em a
ngry
.
• M
ake
som
ethi
ng th
at a
nger
s yo
u as
wel
l. It
help
s sm
all c
hild
ren
to s
ee f
acili
tato
rs d
o th
e sa
me
thin
gs th
at th
ey d
o.
• A
sk e
ach
child
to d
escr
ibe
wha
t the
y ha
ve m
ade
and
why
.
• A
sk th
em w
hat t
hey
wou
ld li
ke to
do
with
thei
r cla
y-s
om
e m
ay s
mas
h it,
oth
ers
may
th
row
it o
n th
e pl
astic
as
hard
as
they
can
, or o
ther
s m
ay ju
st ro
ll it
up.
C.
Phy
sica
l A
ctiv
ity
• G
uide
angr
y ac
tivity
and
teac
h ch
ildre
n to
con
nect
thei
r fee
lings
with
saf
e ph
ysic
al
expr
eSSI
on.
• A
dapt
the
chil
dren
's so
ng, "
If Y
ou 'r
e H
appy
and
You
Kno
w It
Cla
p Y
our H
ands
" to
pr
ovid
e a
safe
out
let f
or a
nger
. T
each
the
child
ren
the
song
usi
ng "
If Y
ou 'r
eAng
ry a
nd Y
ou K
now
It"
as
a s
ubst
itute
for
"Hap
py".
Enc
oura
ge c
hild
ren
to c
lap
thei
r han
ds, s
tom
p th
eir f
eet,
and
sing
loud
ly in
an
ger.
D.
Stu
ffed
An
ima
l Pla
y
• E
xpla
in to
chi
ldre
n th
at it
is o
kay
to b
e an
gry
at s
omeo
ne, b
ut it
is n
ot o
kay
to h
urt o
r hi
t som
eone
with
who
m w
e ar
e an
gry.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
57
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
pre
tend
they
are
ver
y an
gry
at th
eir s
tuff
ed a
nim
al a
nd th
en to
de
mon
stra
te w
hat t
hey
mig
ht d
o to
sho
w th
eir p
et th
ey a
re a
ngry
.
• E
xpla
in th
at h
ittin
g or
thro
win
g is
not
a g
ood
way
to b
e an
gry.
• E
nco
ura
ge th
em to
alte
rnat
ivel
y de
al w
ith a
nger
by
not p
layi
ng w
ith th
e an
imal
, dra
win
g a
pict
ure
ofth
eir a
nger
and
sho
win
g it
to th
e an
imal
, or b
y pi
ckin
g up
thei
r cla
y, m
akin
g an
ani
mal
lik
enes
s and
sm
ashi
ng it
.
E.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildre
n fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
58
•
• •
Sess
ion
Fiv
e (2
-6):
Gri
ef a
nd M
ourn
ing
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
Faci
litat
ors s
houl
d be
gin
by re
view
ing
thou
ghts
the
child
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:')
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
you
rfri
ends
(th
e st
ufTe
d an
imal
s).
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
ha
ve a
sto
ry o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
a
lth
e
chil
dren
ans
wer
yes
, fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
ask
eac
h on
e w
ho w
ants
to
show
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
ome
thin
g to
do
so.}
R
emem
ber
ourf
eeli
ng b
ook<
> [d
istr
ibut
e th
efee
ling
boo
ks}?
C
an e
ach
of y
ou
pick
out
the
pict
ure
that
sho
ws
how
you
are
feel
ing
righ
t now
? [A
s th
e ch
ildr
en p
ick
out
thei
r pi
ctur
es,
ask
them
to
tell
why
the
y ar
efee
ling
that
way
.]
"We'
ve t
alke
d a
lot
abou
t th
e w
ay w
efee
l a.ft
er s
omeo
ne w
e lo
ve i
s ki
lled
, bu
t of
ten
the
mai
n th
ing
wef
eel
is s
adne
ss.
Ther
e ar
e a
lot o
lrea
sons
to b
e sa
d an
d m
ost o
f the
m h
ave
to
do w
ith m
issi
ng th
e pe
rson
who
is
gone
. To
day
we
are
goin
g to
tal
k ab
out h
ow w
e ca
n re
mem
ber
the
pers
on w
e lo
ve s
o th
at t
heir
mem
Ol:Y
can
be
with
us
alw
ays.
"
B.
Fun
eral
Act
ivit
y
• E
xpla
in to
chi
ldre
n th
at m
any
adul
ts p
artic
ipat
e in
mem
oria
l ser
vice
s and
fun
eral
s to
re
mem
ber t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
ied.
• F
ind
out f
rom
the
child
ren
if th
ey a
ttend
ed s
uch
a se
rvic
e or
fune
ral
for t
heir
love
d on
e .
• A
sk th
em i
fthe
y ha
ve a
ny q
uest
ions
abo
ut th
e fu
nera
l and
try
to c
lari
fy a
ny m
isco
ncep
tio
ns o
r con
cern
s.
• A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
oft
hing
s th
ey r
emem
ber a
t the
fun
eral
or m
emor
ial.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
the
stor
y o
f the
pic
ture
.
C.
Mem
ory
Stor
ies
• E
xpla
in to
the
child
ren
that
one
way
of r
emem
beri
ng s
omeo
ne th
ey lo
ve is
to te
ll st
orie
s ab
out t
hem
to p
eopl
e th
ey m
eet.
• E
ncou
rage
them
to p
ract
ice
telli
ng s
tori
es a
bout
the
pers
on th
ey lo
ve b
y te
lling
a st
ory
to th
eir s
tuff
ed a
nim
al f
or th
e gr
oup.
D.
Col
or M
emor
ies
• E
xpla
in to
the
child
ren
that
oft
en c
erta
in c
olor
s re
min
d us
of o
ther
peo
ple.
Som
etim
es
the
colo
r was
the
favo
rite
col
or o
f the
per
son
who
die
d. S
omet
imes
the
colo
r is
a co
lor t
hat y
ou s
aw o
n th
e da
y of
the
fune
ral.
• S
how
the
child
ren
a co
lor c
hart
or b
ox o
f col
ored
mar
kers
and
ask
them
to p
ick
the
colo
r tha
t rem
inds
them
of t
he p
erso
n w
ho h
as d
ied.
59
-C
on
tin
ued
-•
Ask
the
chil
dren
to e
xpla
in w
hy th
e co
lor r
emin
ds th
em o
fth
e de
ceas
ed.
Ifth
e co
lor i
s as
soci
ated
wit
h go
od m
emor
ies,
the
chil
d sh
ould
be
enco
urag
ed to
do
an e
ntir
e pi
ctur
e in
mem
ory
oft
he
love
d on
e in
that
col
or.
Ifth
e co
lor i
s as
soci
ated
wit
h ba
d m
emor
ies,
the
faci
lita
tor
shou
ld ta
lk to
the
chil
d ab
out h
ow th
e co
lor m
ight
be
chan
ged
and
the
mem
ory
mig
ht b
e sh
aded
in f
avor
of a
goo
d m
emor
y. E
xam
ple:
A c
hild
may
pic
k a
red
mar
ker b
ecau
se h
e sa
w h
is m
othe
r kil
led
and
rem
embe
rs
the
bloo
d. T
he fa
cili
tato
r may
be
able
to e
ncou
rage
the
chil
d to
thin
k ab
out a
goo
d m
emor
y o
f his
m
othe
r suc
h as
whe
n th
ey p
laye
d in
the
sun
. T
he fa
cili
tato
r can
then
take
a y
ello
w m
arke
r and
sho
w th
e ch
ild
ho
w to
cha
nge
red
to o
rang
e to
rep
rese
nt th
e su
n ra
ther
than
the
bloo
d.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
. S
ince
the
next
ses
sion
wil
l be
the
last
ses
sion
, ask
the
chil
dren
to lo
ok a
roun
d du
ring
the
wee
k fo
r so
meth
ing
-a m
emor
y o
bje
ct-
that t
hey
can
brin
g to
the
grou
p th
at re
min
ds th
em o
f the
ir lo
ved
one.
60
•
Sess
ion
Six
(2-6
): G
oing
on
Wit
h L
ife
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
Faci
litat
ors s
houl
d be
gin
by re
view
ing
thou
ghts
the
child
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:\,
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. I
hope
you
all
bro
ught
yourFiend~· (
the
stuf
Ted
anim
als)
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to s
hare
? D
oes
anyo
ne
have
a s
tory
o.f
som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o te
ll?"
af t
he
chil
dren
ans
wer
yes
, fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
ask
eac
h on
e w
ho w
ants
to s
how
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
ome
thin
g to
do
so.}
R
emem
ber
ourf
eeli
ng b
ook\
' [di
stri
bute
the
feel
ing
book
s}?
Can
eac
h o.
fyou
pi
ck o
ut th
e pi
ctur
e th
at s
how
s ho
w y
ou a
refe
elin
g ri
ght n
ow?
[As
the
chil
dren
pic
k ou
t th
eir
pict
ures
, as
k th
em t
o te
ll w
hy t
hey
are
feel
ing
that
way
.}
"Tod
ay is
the
las
t ti
me
that
we
wil
l mee
t bef
ore
Than
ksgi
ving
. It
: ... b
een ve
~v s
peci
al
gett
ing
to k
now
eac
h o.
fyou
. B
ut it
:\, t
ime
to s
ay g
ood-
bye
for
a w
hile
. So
tod
ay w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t w
hat e
ach
o.fu
s is
goi
ng to
do
as y
ou c
onti
nue
to g
row
up
and
get o
lder
. F
irst
, I
wan
t to
se
e w
hat
mem
ory
obje
ct y
ou b
roug
ht to
sho
w u
s. "
B.
Mem
ory
Obj
ects
• B
ring
to th
e gr
oup
a ro
ll o
f ri
bbon
and
pre
-cut
hea
rts
at le
ast t
wo
inch
es in
siz
e.
(Hea
rt d
oilie
s ca
n al
so b
e us
ed.)
• A
llow
eac
h ch
ild to
sho
w th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
, des
crib
e it
and
tell
why
it is
impo
rtan
t.
• C
ut a
pie
ce o
f rib
bon
and
atta
ch it
to a
hea
rt.
As
the
child
say
s th
e na
me
of t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
ied:
• W
rite
the
nam
e in
blo
ck le
tters
on
the
hear
t. (A
llow
the
child
to d
o th
is i
fhe
or s
he
know
s ho
w to
pri
nt.)
• A
tta
ch th
e he
art t
o th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
.
• T
ell t
he c
hild
ren
that
in m
any
cultu
res,
peo
ple
keep
mem
ory
obje
cts
in th
eir h
ome
or
carr
y th
em w
ith th
em to
con
tinue
to fe
el t
hat t
hey
can
talk
to th
eir l
oved
one
s.
C.
Loo
king
Int
o th
e F
utur
e
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of w
hat t
hey
wan
t to
be w
hen
they
gro
w u
p.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
the
stor
y o
f the
pic
ture
.
• P
rovi
de th
em w
ith e
ncou
rage
men
t and
val
idat
ion
of p
ositi
ve p
erso
nalit
y at
trib
utes
that
ar
e re
flec
ted
in th
eir d
ream
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
61
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildre
n fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
ns.
• G
ive
each
chi
ld a
spec
ial m
emen
to to
take
hom
e fr
om th
e gr
oup
(Exa
mpl
es: a
larg
e go
ld s
tar w
ith th
e gr
oup'
s na
me
and
the
chil
d's
nam
e, a
cer
tific
ate,
a se
t of c
olor
cra
yons
and
pap
er, a
sm
all t
oy, a
nd s
o fo
rth).
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
62
2.
Age
s 7-
11
Sett
ing:
Chi
ldre
n sh
ould
be
seat
ed in
cha
irs
arou
nd a
tabl
e in
a c
omfo
rtab
le e
nvir
onm
ent w
ith
the
faci
lita
tors
. P
aper
, cra
yons
, and
mar
kers
sho
uld
be a
vail
able
on
the
tabl
e.
Ref
resh
men
ts s
uch
as
chip
s, c
ooki
es, f
ruit
and
juic
e o
r sod
a sh
ould
be
prov
ided
at t
he e
nd o
fth
e se
ssio
n.
Tool
s: P
aper
, cra
yons
, mar
kers
, nam
e ba
dge
mak
er w
ith
colo
red
pape
r, a
nd a
ssem
bly
mat
eri
als
(alt
erna
tive
ly: n
ame
tags
wit
h pl
asti
c ho
lder
s), s
tick
ers,
old
mag
azin
es. p
aper
bag
s, g
lue
stic
ks, f
lip
char
t.
Sess
ion
One
(7-
11):
Int
rodu
ctio
n;
63
Dis
cuss
ion
of V
iole
nt D
eath
A.
Intr
oduc
e Yo
urse
lves
to
the
Chi
ldre
n a
nd
Exp
lain
Pur
pose
of t
he G
roup
Ses
sion
s.
"Goo
d af
tern
oon.
I
am S
uzie
Wils
on a
nd th
is i
s Ju
dy M
artin
. W
e ar
e lo
okin
gfor
war
d to
tal
king
with
you
toda
y.
Judy
and
I ar
e go
ing
to b
e he
re o
n T
hurs
day
afte
rnoo
n ev
e/~V
wee
kfo
r th
e ne
xt s
ix w
eeks
. E
very
one
here
has
kno
wn
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
who
was
kil
led
rece
ntly
. V
iole
nt d
eath
is
a te
rrib
le t
hing
and
we'
re s
on
y th
at it
has
hap
pene
d in
you
r liv
es.
That
is
wha
t w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t -w
hat y
ou t
hink
abo
ut h
omic
ide
and
mur
der
and
how
yo
u'v
e be
en
feel
ing.
D
urin
g th
ese
sess
ions
ther
e ar
e so
me
basi
c ru
les
tofo
llow
so
that
eve
(von
e.le
e!s
com
-fo
rtab
le a
nd h
as a
n op
port
uni~
y to
tal
k !l
they
wis
h. "
B.
Lis
t Bas
ic R
ules
; Ta
pe T
hem
to
the
Wal
l to
Ref
er to
Thr
ough
out
the
Sess
ion.
Rul
es f
or G
roup
Par
tici
pati
on
• O
nly
on
e pe
rson
talk
s at
a ti
me.
•
Eve
ryon
e ha
s a
chan
ce to
talk
but
no
one
has
to.
• N
o o
ne s
houl
d m
ake
fun
of a
nyon
e el
se in
the
gro
up.
• It
's o
kay
to b
e up
set a
nd fe
el f
eeli
ngs.
•
It's
no
t ok
ay to
hit
or s
hove
som
eone
els
e.
• A
ny
que
stio
n ca
n be
ask
ed, n
ot a
ll q
uest
ions
can
be
answ
ered
.
C.
Nam
e G
ame
"We
also
wan
t to
get
to k
now
you
all
a l
ittl
e he
tte/:
So
we
wan
t you
to t
ell
us y
our
nam
e, s
omet
hing
abo
ut th
e pe
ople
who
die
d an
d ho
w th
ey d
ied.
To
hel
p us
get
acq
uain
ted,
we
have
han
ded
out t
wo
nam
e si
gns
-on
e is
a h
adge
for
you
to w
ear
and
the
othe
r is
a s
ign
to
plac
e in
fro
nt o
f you
at
the
tabl
e.
We
wan
t you
to w
rite
you
r na
me
on e
ach.
but
we
also
wan
t you
to
thi
nk a
bout
a p
ictu
re o
r sy
mbo
l tha
t you
thi
nk d
escr
ibes
you
or
your
love
d on
e an
d to
dra
w i
t or
cho
ose
a st
icke
r or
cut
out
a p
ictu
re t
hat
repr
esen
ts i
t and
put
that
on
the
badg
e an
d si
gn a
s w
ell .
..
Aft
er th
e ch
ildr
en d
o th
is, g
o a
roun
d th
e ci
rcle
and
ask
eac
h ch
ild
to s
ay th
eir n
ame,
an
d d
esc
ribe
the
sym
bol o
r pic
ture
.
D.
Vid
eota
pe
• T
ell t
he c
hild
ren:
"Man
y ch
ildr
en h
ave
had
pare
nts.
sib
ling
s o
rfh
end
s w
ho w
ere
kille
d.
The
sefa
cts
don'
t mak
e it
any
eas
ier
to l
ive
with
a p
erso
nal l
oss
but i
t m
ay h
elp
to h
ear
how
oth
er c
hild
ren
have
tho
ught
abo
ut v
iole
nt d
eath
. Th
e vi
deot
ape
was
pre
pare
d to
hel
p ch
ildr
en t
ell o
ther
chi
ldr
en w
hat
they
ha
vefe
lt a
fter
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
had
been
kill
ed.
"
-C
on
tin
ued
-
65
• Sh
ow
the
vide
otap
e.
"You
hav
e se
en s
ome
of t
he r
eact
ions
of k
ids
who
hav
e su
ffer
ed a
vio
lent
dea
th a
mon
g th
eirf
amil
ies
orfr
iend
s.
Eve
rybo
dy r
eact
s d(
ffere
ntly
. E
ach
of y
ou h
ave
your
ow
n st
orie
s.
We
wan
t to
hea
r th
ose
stor
ies
to l
earn
mor
e ab
out h
ow w
e ar
e d(
ffer
ent
and
how
muc
h w
e ar
e th
e sa
me.
E.
Tel
ling
the
Stor
y o
f V
iole
nt D
eath
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
take
a p
iece
of p
aper
and
som
e co
lore
d m
arke
rs.
Ask
them
to
thin
k ab
out t
he d
ay th
eir l
oved
one
was
kil
led,
and
wha
t the
y re
mem
ber.
Fac
ilit
ator
s ca
n pr
ompt
thei
r th
inki
ng b
y as
king
som
e o
f the
foll
owin
g qu
esti
ons
depe
ndin
g up
on th
e ev
ent(
s) g
roup
mem
bers
hav
e ex
peri
ence
d.
-W
here
wer
e yo
u w
hen
it h
appe
ned?
-
How
did
you
fin
d o
ut w
hat h
appe
ned?
-
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r se
eing
? -
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r he
arin
g?
-W
hat
do y
ou r
emem
ber
smel
ling
? -
Wha
t di
d yo
u do
?
As
they
are
thin
king
abo
ut th
e da
y, a
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
oft
he
wor
st m
emor
y th
ey h
ave
abou
t tha
t day
. A
fter
they
hav
e co
mpl
eted
thei
r dra
win
gs, a
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to s
how
thei
r pic
ture
s o
r to
tell
the
stor
y o
fth
ose
bad
mem
orie
s.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
try
to r
emem
ber i
fth
ere
was
any
goo
d pa
rt o
f the
day
.
• A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of t
he b
est m
emor
y th
ey h
ave
abou
t the
day
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to s
how
or t
ell t
hose
sto
ries
.
F.
Thi
nkin
g A
bo
ut L
ife
an
d D
eath
Fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
beg
in th
is e
xerc
ise
by
say
ing,
"W
hat d
oes
it m
ean
to b
e de
ad?"
The
n as
k th
e ch
ildr
en to
cho
ose
a pi
ece
of p
aper
and
som
e cr
ayon
s. A
sk th
em to
dra
w a
pic
ture
of d
eath
on
on
e si
de o
fth
e pa
per.
Aft
er th
ey a
re f
inis
hed,
ask
them
to d
raw
a p
ictu
re o
flif
e on
the
othe
r sid
e.
Whe
n th
ey a
re th
roug
h dr
awin
g, a
sk e
ach
of t
he c
hild
ren
to e
xpla
in th
eir p
ictu
res.
Fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
he
lp to
cla
rify
mis
conc
epti
ons
and
be p
repa
red
to a
nsw
er q
uest
ions
.
G.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
em fo
r be
ing
a pa
rt o
fth
e gr
oup.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• E
nco
ura
ge
chil
dren
to ta
ke th
eir p
ictu
res
hom
e.
• R
emin
d th
em th
at th
ey m
ight
thin
k ab
out d
eath
or t
he p
erso
n th
ey lo
ved
duri
ng th
e ne
xt
wee
k an
d if
they
wan
t to
draw
mor
e pi
ctur
es a
bout
wha
t the
y th
ink
or fe
el, t
he f
acil
itat
ors
wou
ld li
ke to
se
e th
ose
pict
ures
at t
he n
ext g
roup
ses
sion
.
66
•
Sess
ion
Tw
o (7
-11)
: F
eeli
ngs
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
Doe
s an
yone
hav
e a
stm
y o.
fsom
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng t
he w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
tel
l?"
[{lt
he c
hild
ren
answ
er y
es, f
acil
itat
ors
shou
ld a
sk e
ach
one
who
w
ants
to
show
som
ethi
ng o
r te
ll s
omet
hing
to d
o so
.}
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
lea
rn m
ore
abou
t th
e pe
ople
you
kno
w w
ho d
ied
-w
hat
they
wer
e li
ke a
nd
how
yo
u fe
el n
ow th
at t
hey
are
gone
. "
B.
Mem
ory
Pic
ture
s
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
cre
ate
pict
ures
of t
hing
s th
eir l
oved
one
like
d or
that
rem
ind
them
of
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
• S
ugge
stth
at ch
ildre
n lo
ok th
roug
h th
e m
agaz
ines
and
cut
out
pic
ture
s of
thin
gs th
at
rem
ind
them
oft
heir
love
d on
e an
d gl
ue th
em o
n th
e pi
ctur
e pa
per.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to ta
lk a
bout
the
mem
ory
pict
ure.
C.
Fee
ling
Pic
ture
Boo
k
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
dra
w o
ne p
ictu
re e
ach
of ho
w th
ey lo
ok w
hen
they
exp
erie
nce
the
follo
win
g fe
elin
gs. "H
ow d
o yo
u l
ook
whe
n yo
u fe
el h
appy
? "
"How
do
you
loo
k w
hen
you
feel
mad
? "
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el a
frai
d? "
"H
ow d
o yo
u lo
ok w
hen
you
feel
like
you
did
som
ethi
ng w
rong
? "
"How
do
you
look
whe
n yo
u fe
el s
ad?
"
• H
elp
the
child
ren
stap
le o
r tap
e th
e fe
elin
g pi
ctur
es to
geth
er in
a b
ook
with
a c
over
on
it th
at s
ays
"[C
hild
's N
ame]
's F
eelin
gs B
ook"
.
• E
xpla
in th
at:
-F
eeli
ngs
aren
't w
rong
or
righ
t but
the
y ca
n m
ake
usf
eel g
ood
or b
ad.
-E
very
one
has
d(ff
eren
tfee
ling
s at
d(f
fere
nt t
imes
but
mos
t o.f
us h
ave
sim
ilar
fe
elin
gs t
o ea
ch o
ther
at s
ome
time.
-
Som
etim
es i
t is
har
d to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t w
e ar
e fe
elin
g be
caus
e w
e do
n't
thin
k ot
her
peop
le c
an u
nder
stan
d, b
ut it
oft
en h
elps
to t
alk
abou
t w
hat
we
are
feel
ing
beca
use
it
mak
es u
s fee
l le
ss l
onel
y.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
67
• E
xpla
in th
at th
ese
book
s ca
n be
use
d ev
ery
tim
e th
e gr
oup
mee
ts to
sho
w e
ach
othe
r ho
w e
ach
chil
d fe
els
that
day
.
• A
sk ea
ch c
hild
to d
emon
stra
te a
fee
ling
that
they
hav
e n
ow
whe
n th
ey th
ink
abou
t the
ir
love
d on
e.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
ugg
est t
hat t
hey
take
thei
r mem
ory
pict
ures
hom
e.
• K
eep
the
"Fee
ling
Boo
ks"
until
the
next
sess
ion.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k
so th
at th
ey c
an b
ring
them
to th
e ne
xt s
essi
on.
68
Sess
ion
Thr
ee (
7-11
): F
ear
A.
Intr
oduc
tions
an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildr
en m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It:~
gre
at to
see
you
all
aga
in.
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
yo
u w
ould
like
to s
hare
? D
oes
anyo
ne h
ave
a st
ory
o/so
met
hing
that
hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to t
ell?
"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
who
wan
t to
show
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• D
istr
ibu
te th
e F
eeli
ng B
ooks
.
• A
sk ch
ildr
en to
pic
k ou
t a p
ictu
re th
at s
how
s ho
w th
ey fe
el r
ight
now
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to te
ll a
bout
the
pict
ure
they
cho
se.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r th
e da
y.
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
thin
gs t
hat
we
are
a/ra
id o
f L
ots
o/t
imes
w
hen
som
eone
we
love
die
s, w
e ge
t sca
red
abou
t the
way
the
y di
ed,
how
oth
er p
eopl
e tr
eat
us,
or
may
be w
heth
er w
e're
goi
ng to
die
soo
n, t
oo.
Eve
ryon
e is
saf
e he
re r
ight
now
, bu
t I k
now
whe
n I
get s
care
d o/
som
ethi
ng s
omet
imes
I w
ant t
o cu
rl u
p in
to a
lit
tle
teen
y ba
ll a
nd h
ide.
"
B.
Wha
t Mak
es Y
ou S
care
d?
• A
sk e
ach
chil
d to
nam
e so
met
hing
that
sca
res
them
and
to te
ll w
hy
it s
care
s th
em.
C.
Let
ter
Wri
ting
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wri
te a
let
ter t
o so
meo
ne w
ho
m th
ey th
ink
is v
ery
impo
rtan
t or
pow
erfu
l and
tell
them
in th
e le
tter
wha
t the
y sh
ould
do
abou
t the
sca
ry th
ing.
(E
xam
ples
of p
eopl
e to
w
rite
to in
clud
e: T
he P
resi
dent
, God
, a p
olic
eman
, a te
ache
r, th
eir p
aren
ts.)
D.
Act
ion
Pla
nn
ing
• D
ivid
e th
e ch
ildr
en in
to s
mal
l gro
ups
of3-
5.
• T
ell t
hem
to ta
lk a
nd th
ink
abou
t thr
ee th
ings
they
wan
t to
know
ho
w to
do
that
wou
ld
mak
e th
em fe
el s
afer
.
• A
sk e
ach
grou
p to
list
thos
e th
ree
thin
gs o
n a
piec
e o
f pap
er.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to r
epor
t the
ir li
st to
the
full
grou
p.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
69
• Id
enti
fy th
ings
that
chi
ldre
n ca
n le
arn
in o
rder
to f
eel s
afer
.
• D
emon
stra
te h
ow to
do
sim
ple
thin
gs.
Exa
mpl
es in
clud
e:
-Ho
w to
use
afi
re e
xtin
guis
her.
-H
ow
to c
all t
he p
olic
e or
em
erge
ncy
serv
ices
. -
Wha
t to
do
(lth
ere
is a
n ea
rthq
uake
(or
tor
nado
or
hurr
ican
e or
floo
d. e
tc.)
.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildre
n fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
70
Sess
ion
Fou
r (7
-11)
: A
nge
r
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts c
hild
ren
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all
aga
in.
Did
any
one
draw
any
pic
ture
s la
st w
eek
that
yo
u w
ould
like
to
shar
e? D
oes
anyo
ne h
ave
a st
ory
of s
ome t
hing
tha
t hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
tell
? "
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• D
istr
ibut
e th
e Fe
elin
g B
ooks
.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to c
hoos
e a
pict
ure
to s
how
how
they
feel
rig
ht n
ow.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"Thi
s w
eek.
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
tim
es w
hen
we
are
angl
y.
Lot
s o
f tim
es w
hen
som
eone
we
love
is
kille
d. w
e ge
t m
ad a
t th
e pe
rson
who
kil
led
them
. at
peo
ple
who
sho
uld
have
he
lped
them
. at
oth
er p
eopl
e w
ho d
on't
unde
rsta
nd.
Som
etim
es p
eopl
e te
ll u
s w
e sh
ould
n't b
e an
gry.
but
no
one
can
help
it ~r t
heyf
eel a
ngly
som
etim
es w
hen
som
eone
die
s su
dden
ly.
..
B.
Pup
pet
Pla
y
• D
istr
ibut
e pa
per b
ags,
mar
kers
, col
ored
pap
er, s
ciss
ors
and
glue
to th
e ch
ildre
n.
• A
sk th
em to
mak
e a
pape
r bag
pup
pet o
f the
ir fa
vorit
e an
imal
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n to
nam
e th
e pu
ppet
.
• M
ake
a pa
per b
ag p
uppe
t of y
ours
elf o
r an
anim
al.
• U
se y
our p
aper
bag
pup
pet t
o as
k th
e qu
estio
n o
f eac
h ch
ild'
s p
up
pet
"Wha
t mak
es y
ou r
eally
, re
ally
mad
? ! "
• A
sk th
e pu
ppet
s: "
Wha
t do
you
do w
hen
you
get m
ad?"
• L
ist a
ll th
e w
ays
that
the
pupp
ets
resp
ond
on th
e fli
p ch
art.
• D
istr
ibu
te h
ando
ut o
n go
od w
ays
to b
e m
ad a
nd b
ad w
ays
to b
e m
ad.
• T
alk
to th
e ch
ildre
n ab
out g
ood
way
s to
be
mad
and
bad
way
s to
be
mad
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
71
C.
Ph
ysic
al A
ctiv
ity
Ang
er c
reat
es e
nerg
y th
at n
eeds
to b
e re
leas
ed.
Fac
ilit
ator
s ca
n gu
ide
that
act
ivit
y an
d te
ach
chil
dren
to c
onne
ct th
eir f
eeli
ngs
wit
h sa
fe p
hysi
cal e
xpre
ssio
n.
• G
ive
the
chil
dren
a p
iece
of p
aper
and
a p
enci
l or m
arke
r.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wri
te o
r dra
w a
bout
the
thin
g th
at m
akes
them
ang
ry.
• T
ape
a la
rge
piec
e o
f pap
er w
ith
a bi
g re
d ci
rcle
on
the
wal
l.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wad
thei
r ang
er [p
aper
] in
to a
bal
l.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
thro
w th
eir a
nger
at t
he c
ircl
e on
the
wal
l.
• A
llow
them
to p
ick
up th
e pa
per b
alls
and
thro
w th
em a
gain
and
aga
in.
D.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• Se
rve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
.
72
Sess
ion
Fiv
e (7
-11)
: G
rief
and
Mou
rnin
g
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildre
n m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o sh
are?
Doe
s an
yone
hav
e a
stor
y o
f som
ethi
ng th
at h
appe
ned
duri
ng th
e w
eek
that
you
wou
ld li
ke to
tel
l?"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• D
istr
ibut
e Fe
elin
g B
ooks
.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to c
hoos
e a
pict
ure
to s
how
how
they
are
fee
ling
righ
t now
.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"We'
ve t
alke
d a
lot
abou
t th
e w
ay w
efee
l af
ter
som
eone
we
love
is
kille
d, b
ut
ofte
n th
e m
ain
thin
g w
efee
l is
sadn
ess.
Th
ere
are
a lo
t of r
easo
ns t
o be
sad
and
mos
t of t
hem
ha
ve to
do
wit
h m
issi
ng th
e pe
rson
who
is
gone
. To
day
we
are
goin
g to
tal
k ab
out
how
we
can
rem
embe
r th
e pe
rson
we
love
so
that
the
ir m
emor
y ca
n be
with
us
alw
ays.
"
B.
Fun
eral
Act
ivit
y
• E
xpla
in to
chi
ldre
n th
at m
any
adul
ts p
artic
ipat
e in
mem
oria
l ser
vice
s an
d fu
nera
ls to
re
mem
ber t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
ied.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildre
n if
they
atte
nded
suc
h a
serv
ice
or fu
nera
l for
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
• A
sk th
em if
they
hav
e an
y qu
estio
ns a
bout
fune
rals
.
• C
lari
fy an
y m
isco
ncep
tions
or c
once
rns.
• D
ivid
e th
e ch
ildre
n in
to s
mal
l gro
ups.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to p
lan
a fu
nera
l or m
emor
ial.
• R
econ
vene
the
child
ren
as a
larg
e gr
oup
and
ask
each
gro
up to
tell
or d
emon
stra
te th
e fu
nera
l or m
emor
ial t
hey
plan
ned.
C.
Mem
ory
Stor
ies
• E
xpla
in to
the
child
ren
that
one
way
to re
mem
ber s
omeo
ne th
ey lo
ve is
to te
ll st
orie
s ab
out t
hem
to p
eopl
e th
ey m
eet.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
73
• R
ead
a sh
ort s
tory
abo
ut s
omeo
ne w
ho h
as d
ied.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
wri
te a
sho
rt s
tory
abo
ut th
e pe
rson
they
love
d.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to re
ad th
eir s
tori
es w
hen
they
are
fin
ishe
d.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
n.
• Se
rve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
rem
embe
r to
draw
pic
ture
s o
f wha
t the
y m
ight
feel
dur
ing
the
wee
k so
that
they
can
bri
ng th
em to
the
next
ses
sion
. S
ince
the
next
ses
sion
wil
l be
the
last
ses
sion
, ask
the
chil
dren
to l
ook
arou
nd d
urin
g th
e w
eek
for so
meth
ing
-a m
emor
y o
bje
ct-
that t
hey
can
brin
g to
the
grou
p th
at re
min
ds th
em o
fth
eir l
oved
one
.
74
Sess
ion
Six
(7-1
1):
Goi
ng o
n W
ith
Lif
e
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e ch
ildr
en m
ight
hav
e ha
d du
ring
the
wee
k.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke t
o sh
are?
Doe
s an
yone
hav
e a
stD
ly o
.[so
met
hing
that
hap
pene
d du
ring
the
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
tell
? "
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
that
hap
pene
d.
• D
istr
ibut
e th
e F
eeli
ng B
ooks
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to c
hoos
e a
pict
ure
and
desc
ribe
thei
r fee
ling
s ri
ght n
ow.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r th
e da
y.
"Tod
ay is
the
las
t tim
e th
at w
e w
ill
mee
t bef
ore
Tha
nksg
ivin
g.
It s
been
ver
y .\p
ecia
l get
ting
to k
now
eac
h o.
[you
. B
ut it
:5 t
ime
to s
ay g
ood-
bye
for
a w
hile
. So
tod
ay w
e w
ant
to t
alk
abou
t w
hat
each
o.[
us i
s go
ing
to d
o as
you
con
tinu
e to
gro
w u
p an
d ge
t ol
der.
F
irst
, I
wan
t to
see
wha
t m
emor
y ob
ject
you
bro
ught
to s
how
us.
"
B.
Mem
ory
Obj
ects
• H
ave
a ro
ll o
f ri
bbon
and
pre
-cut
hea
rts
at le
ast t
wo
inch
es in
siz
e. (
Hea
rt d
oili
es c
an
also
be
used
.)
• A
llow
eac
h ch
ild
to s
how
the
mem
ory
obje
ct, d
escr
ibe
it an
d te
ll w
hy it
is i
mpo
rtan
t.
• A
fter
eac
h ch
ild
tell
s ab
out t
he m
emor
y ob
ject
, the
fac
ilit
ator
s sh
ould
cu
t a p
iece
of
ribb
on a
nd
att
ach
it to
a h
eart
.
• A
llow
eac
h ch
ild
to w
rite
the
nam
e o
f the
love
d on
e on
the
hear
t.
• T
ie o
r gl
ue th
e ri
bbon
and
hea
rt to
the
mem
ory
obje
ct.
• E
xpla
in th
at in
man
y cu
ltur
es, p
eopl
e ke
ep m
emor
y ob
ject
s in
thei
r hom
e o
r car
ry th
em
wit
h th
em to
con
tinu
e to
feel
tha
t the
y ca
n ta
lk to
thei
r lov
ed o
nes.
C.
Loo
king
Int
o th
e F
utur
e
• A
sk th
e ch
ildr
en to
thin
k ab
out w
hat t
hey
wan
t to
be w
hen
they
gro
w u
p.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
75
• D
ivid
e th
e ch
ildr
en in
to s
mal
l gro
ups
and
ask
them
to ta
lk w
ith
each
oth
er a
bout
wha
t th
ey w
ant t
o be
and
pla
n ho
w to
"ac
t out
" th
eir f
utur
e fo
r th
e w
hole
gro
up.
• R
econ
ven
e th
e ch
ildr
en a
s a
larg
e gr
oup.
Ask
eac
h sm
all g
roup
to "
act o
ut th
e dr
eam
s" o
f eac
h gr
oup
mem
ber.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e ch
ildr
en fo
r com
ing
to th
e se
ssio
ns.
• G
ive
each
chi
ld a
spe
cial
mem
ento
to ta
ke h
ome
from
the
grou
p (e
xam
ples
: a
phot
ogr
aph
of t
he g
roup
toge
ther
, a c
ard
wit
h au
togr
aphs
fro
m e
ach
grou
p m
embe
r, a
poe
m o
r quo
tati
on.)
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
76
• •
3. A
ges
12-1
8
Sett
ing:
You
th s
houl
d be
sea
ted
in c
hair
s ar
ound
a ta
ble
in a
com
fort
able
env
iron
men
t wit
h th
e fa
cili
tato
rs.
Pap
er a
nd p
enci
ls s
houl
d be
ava
ilab
le o
n th
e ta
ble.
R
efre
shm
ents
suc
h as
chi
ps, c
ooki
es,
frui
t and
juic
e o
r sod
a sh
ould
be
prov
ided
at t
he e
nd o
f the
ses
sion
.
Tool
s: P
aper
, cra
yons
, mar
kers
, nam
e ba
dge
mak
er w
ith
colo
red
pape
r, a
nd a
ssem
bly
mat
eri
als
(alt
erna
tive
ly: n
ame
tags
wit
h pl
asti
c ho
lder
s), s
tick
ers,
old
mag
azin
es, s
mal
l not
eboo
ks, g
lue
stic
ks,
fiip
char
t.
77
•
Sess
ion
One
(12
-18)
: In
trod
ucti
on;
Dis
cuss
ion
of V
iole
nt D
eath
A.
Intr
odu
ce Y
ours
elve
s an
d E
xpla
in P
urpo
se o
f the
Gro
up S
essi
ons.
"Goo
d af
tern
oon.
I
am S
uzie
Wils
on a
nd th
is i
s Ju
dy M
artin
. W
e ar
e lo
okin
gfor
war
d to
tal
king
wit
h yo
u to
day.
Ju
dy a
nd I
are
goin
g to
be
here
on
Thu
rsda
y aj
iern
oon
ever
y w
eekf
or
the
next
six
wee
ks.
Eve
ryon
e he
re h
as k
now
n so
meo
ne t
hey
love
d w
ho w
as k
ille
d re
cent
ly.
Vio
lent
dea
th i
s a
terr
ible
thi
ng a
nd w
e're
so
ny
that
it h
as h
appe
ned
in y
our
lives
. Th
at i
s w
hat
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out -
wha
t you
thi
nk a
bout
hom
icid
e an
d m
urde
r an
d ho
w y
ou
've
been
fe
elin
g.
Dur
ing
thes
e se
ssio
ns th
ere
are
som
e ba
sic
rule
s to
/all
ow s
o th
at e
very
onef
eels
com
-fo
rtab
le a
nd
has
an
oppo
rtun
ity
to t
alk
([ th
ey w
ish.
'.'
B.
Lis
t B
asic
Rul
es;
Tap
e to
th
e W
all
to R
efer
to T
hrou
ghou
t th
e Se
ssio
n.
Rul
es fo
r G
roup
Par
ticip
atio
n
• O
nly
one
pers
on ta
lks
at a
tim
e.
• E
very
one
has
a ch
ance
to ta
lk b
ut n
o on
e ha
s to
. •
No
one
shou
ld m
ake
fun
of a
nyon
e el
se in
the
grou
p.
• It
's o
kay
to b
e up
set.
•
It's
not
oka
y to
hur
t som
eone
els
e.
• A
ny q
uest
ion
can
be a
sked
, not
all
que
stio
ns c
an b
e an
swer
ed.
• N
othi
ng s
aid
in th
e gr
oup
shou
ld b
e re
peat
ed to
oth
ers
exce
pt fo
r ge
nera
l ide
as.
C.
Nam
eGam
e
"We
also
wan
t to
get
to k
now
you
all
a l
ittl
e be
tter.
So
we
wan
t you
to t
ell
us y
ou
r na
me,
som
ethi
ng a
bout
the
peop
le w
ho d
ied
and
how
they
die
d.
To h
elp
us g
et a
cqua
inte
d, w
e ha
ve h
ande
d ou
t tw
o na
me
sign
s -
one
is a
ba
dg
e/o
r yo
u to
wea
r an
d th
e ot
her
is a
sig
n to
pl
ace
infr
on
t o
f yo
u a
t th
e ta
ble.
W
e w
ant y
ou to
wri
te y
our
nam
e on
eac
h, b
ut w
e al
so w
ant y
ou
to t
hink
abo
ut a
pic
ture
or
,\ym
bol t
hat y
ou t
hink
des
crib
es y
ou o
r yo
ur l
oved
one
an
d to
dra
w i
t or
cho
ose
a st
icke
r o
r cu
t ou
t a p
ictu
re t
hat
repr
esen
ts i
t and
put
that
on
the
badg
e an
d si
gn a
s w
ell.
"
Aft
er th
e yo
uth
do th
is, g
o ar
ound
the
circ
le a
nd a
sk e
ach
pers
on to
say
thei
r nam
e, d
escr
ibe
the
sym
bol o
r pic
ture
.
D.
Vid
eota
pe
• T
ell t
he y
outh
:
"Man
y ki
ds h
ave
had
pare
nts,
sib
ling
s or
.fi-i
ends
who
wer
e ki
lled.
T
hese
fact
s do
n i m
ake
it a
ny e
asie
r to
liv
e w
ith a
per
sona
l lo
ss b
ut it
may
hel
p to
hea
r ho
w o
ther
s ha
ve
thou
ght
abou
t vi
olen
t de
ath.
Th
e vi
deot
ape
was
pre
pare
d to
hel
p ki
ds t
ell
othe
r ki
ds w
hat
they
ha
ve fe
lt a
.fier
som
eone
the
y lo
ved
had
been
kill
ed.
"
-C
on
tin
ued
-
79
• S
ho
w th
e vi
deot
ape.
"You
hav
e se
en s
ome
of t
he r
eact
ions
of p
eopl
e w
ho h
ave
suff
ered
a v
iole
nt d
eath
am
ong
thei
rfam
ilie
s or
/rie
nds.
E
very
body
rea
cts
d(fJ
eren
tly.
Eac
h o
f you
hav
e yo
ur
own
stor
ies.
W
e w
ant
to h
ear
thos
e st
orie
s to
lea
rn m
ore
abou
t how
we
are
d(ff
eren
t an
d ho
w m
uch
we
are
the
sam
e. "
E.
Tel
ling
the
Stor
y o
f V
iole
nt D
eath
• A
sk th
e yo
uth
to c
lose
thei
r eye
s an
d th
ink
abou
t the
per
son
who
has
die
d an
d w
hen
th
ey fi
rst l
earn
ed a
bout
the
deat
h.
• A
sk th
em to
thin
k ab
out t
he f
ollo
win
g qu
esti
ons:
-W
here
wer
e yo
u w
hen
it h
appe
ned?
-
How
did
you
fin
d o
ut w
hat h
appe
ned?
-
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r se
eing
? -
Wha
t do
you
rem
embe
r he
arin
g?
-W
hat
do y
ou r
emem
ber
smel
ling
? -
Wha
t di
d yo
u do
?
• A
sk th
em to
ope
n th
eir e
yes
and
ask
for
volu
ntee
rs to
tell
wha
t the
y th
ough
t abo
ut.
• R
ecor
d co
rnm
on c
risi
s re
acti
ons
on th
e fl
ip c
hart
.
• E
xp
lain
the
patt
ern
oftr
aum
a an
d gr
ief r
eact
ion.
• D
istr
ibut
e ha
ndou
ts o
n tr
aum
a an
d gr
ief r
eact
ions
(see
App
endi
x I)
.
• A
sk th
e yo
uth
to ta
ke a
pie
ce o
f pap
er a
nd d
raw
a s
trai
ght h
oriz
onta
l lin
e ac
ross
it.
Tel
l th
em to
mar
k th
e st
art o
fth
e li
ne a
nd in
dica
te th
at th
e st
art o
fth
e li
ne w
ill s
ymbo
lize
whe
n th
e de
ath
happ
ened
. T
he e
nd o
fth
e li
ne w
ill s
ymbo
lize
toda
y. N
ow a
sk th
em to
mar
k on
the
line
any
sig
nifi
cant
ev
ents
that
hav
e ta
ken
plac
e si
nce
the
death
-in
dica
te th
ose
thin
gs th
at w
ere
unha
ppy
even
ts o
r sad
ti
mes
und
erne
ath
the
line
and
thos
e th
at w
ere
posi
tive
or g
ood
even
ts a
bove
the
line
.
• S
ho
w th
e yo
uth
an e
xam
ple
of s
uch
a li
ne o
n th
e fl
ip c
hart
.
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to d
escr
ibe
wha
t the
y ha
ve d
raw
n on
thei
r pap
er.
F.
Thi
nkin
g A
bo
ut
Lif
e a
nd
Dea
th
• B
egin
this
exe
rcis
e by
ask
ing
-"W
hat d
oes
it m
ean
to b
e de
ad?
" "W
hat h
appe
ns w
hen
you
die?
"
-C
on
tin
ued
-
80
•
•
• D
istr
ibu
te p
oem
, "D
irge
wit
hout
Mus
ic"
by E
dna
St. V
ince
nt M
illa
y (s
ee A
ppen
dix
II).
• R
ead
the
po
em a
nd a
sk th
e gr
oup
for c
omm
ents
and
thou
ghts
on
thei
r ow
n pe
rspe
cti
ves o
f dea
th. •
Ask
the
grou
p to
hel
p yo
u li
st th
e m
ost c
omm
on c
once
ptio
ns o
f dea
th.
Incl
ude:
-D
eath
as
an u
ltim
ate
fina
lity
-w
ith
no a
fter
lfle
. -B
iolo
gic
al d
ecay
of t
he b
ody.
-D
ea
th a
s a
rele
ase
o.lt
he s
piri
t. -
Dea
th w
ith
an a
fter
/ffe
in w
hich
the
re i
s a
heav
en,
purg
ator
y a
nd
hel
l. -
Dea
th w
ith
an a
fier
l(fe
thr
ough
rei
ncar
nati
on.
-D
eath
wit
h an
aft
erl(
fe i
n he
aven
.
G.
Rec
ordi
ng Y
our
Tho
ught
s a
nd
Rea
ctio
ns
• D
istr
ibu
te sm
all n
oteb
ooks
to e
ach
pers
on.
• A
sk th
em to
wri
te o
r dra
w a
bout
thou
ghts
or r
eact
ions
they
hav
e ab
out t
he p
erso
n w
ho
w
as k
ille
d du
ring
the
next
wee
k. T
ell t
hem
that
the
note
book
s ar
e to
be
conf
iden
tial
but
eve
ryon
e w
ill
be g
iven
an
oppo
rtun
ity
to r
ead
or s
how
wha
t the
y ha
ve r
ecor
ded
if th
ey c
hoos
e to
do
so.
F.
Con
clus
ion
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to e
ach
brin
g a
phot
ogra
ph o
r pic
ture
of t
he p
erso
n w
ho
was
kil
led
to
the
next
gro
up s
essi
on.
• T
han
k th
em fo
r bei
ng a
par
t of t
he g
roup
.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
81
Ses
sion
Tw
o (1
2-18
): T
raum
a an
d G
rief
Rea
ctio
ns
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e yo
uth
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:\,
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e m
ake
any
jour
nal e
ntri
es l
ast
wee
k th
at y
ou w
ould
like
to
shar
e? "
• In
tro
du
ce to
pic
for
the
wee
k.
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
lear
n m
ore
abou
t th
e pe
ople
you
kno
w w
ho w
ere
kil
led
w
hat t
hey
wer
e li
ke a
nd h
ow y
ou h
ave
been
rea
ctin
g si
nce
thei
r de
ath.
"
B.
Pic
tllr
e C
ol/a
ge
• A
sk th
e yo
uth
to c
reat
e a
coll
age
ofth
ings
thei
r lov
ed o
ne li
ked
or t
hat r
emin
d th
em o
f th
eir l
oved
one
.
• H
ave
grou
p m
embe
rs s
elec
t a p
iece
of c
olor
ed c
onst
ruct
ion
pape
r.
• G
lue
the
phot
ogra
ph o
r pic
ture
of t
he l
oved
one
on
the
pape
r.
• S
ug
ges
tth
at g
roup
mem
bers
look
thro
ugh
the
mag
azin
es a
nd c
ut o
ut p
ictu
res
ofth
ings
th
at re
min
d th
em o
fth
eir l
oved
one
and
glu
e th
em a
roun
d th
e pi
ctur
e.
• A
sk e
ach
youn
g pe
rson
to ta
lk a
bout
the
pict
ure
coll
age
and
desc
ribe
thei
r lov
ed o
ne.
C.
Rea
ctio
n E
xerc
ise
• T
ape
six
shee
ts o
f col
ored
con
stru
ctio
n pa
per w
ith
di ff
eren
t rea
ctio
ns w
ritt
en o
n th
em in
di
ffer
ent l
ocat
ions
aro
und
the
room
. T
he s
ix r
eact
ions
sho
uld
be:
Red
-An
ger
Y
ello
w -
Fea
r G
reen
-G
uilt
O
rang
e -
Sha
me
Blu
e -
Sad
ness
P
ink
-Hap
py
• E
xp
lain
that
:
-N
one
of t
hese
rea
ctio
ns a
re w
rong
or
righ
t but
d~f
rere
nt r
eact
ions
can
mak
e us
fe
el g
ood
or b
ad.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
83
-E
vel:
vone
has
d(f
fere
nt r
eact
ions
at d
(ffe
rent
tim
es t
o d(
ffer
ent
thin
gs b
ut m
ost
~lus h
ave
sim
ilar
rea
ctio
ns to
oth
ers
at s
ome
time.
-So
met
imes
it
is h
ard
to t
alk
abou
t ho
w w
e re
act
or w
hat
we
are
thin
king
be
caus
e w
e do
n't
thin
k ot
her
peop
le c
an u
nder
stan
d, b
ut it
~/i
en h
elps
to t
alk
abou
t ou
r re
acti
ons
beca
use
it m
akes
usf
eell
ess
lone
ly.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to c
hoos
e on
e o
f the
se r
eact
ions
to th
ink
abou
t and
then
to g
o to
the
loca
tion
mar
ked
by th
e ap
prop
riat
e pa
per.
• A
sk g
roup
mem
bers
to te
ll th
e re
st o
f the
gro
up:
-w
hat
they
tho
ught
abo
ut w
hen
they
pic
ked
the
part
icul
ar r
eact
ion.
-
how
the
y re
act
whe
n th
e.v.
/eel
angry,fea~/ul,
guil~v,
asha
med
, sa
d, o
r ha
ppy.
-
wha
t th
ey u
sual
ly d
o or
wha
t th
ey w
ould
like
to
do w
hen
the,
yfee
l ang
~v,
few
ful,
gui
lty,
asha
med
, sa
d o
r ha
ppy.
• A
fter
eac
h pe
rson
has
res
pond
ed, a
sk th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to s
elec
t ano
ther
col
or a
nd
reac
tion
-and
mov
e to
it.
• R
epea
t the
exe
rcis
e un
til e
ach
grou
p m
embe
r has
com
men
ted
on e
ach
reac
tion
.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to s
it d
own.
D.
Cop
ing
With
Rea
ctio
ns
• E
xp
lain
that
reac
tion
s ca
n be
exp
ress
ed in
pos
itiv
e or
neg
ativ
e w
ays.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to h
elp
you
crea
te a
list
of p
osit
ive
and
nega
tive
way
s o
f dea
ling
wit
h an
ger,
fea
r, g
uilt
, sha
me,
sad
ness
and
hap
pine
ss.
• L
istt
hei
r res
pons
es o
n th
e fl
ip c
hart
.
E.
Con
clus
ion
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
ug
ges
t tha
t the
y ta
ke th
eir p
ictu
re c
olla
ge h
ome.
• R
emin
d th
em to
con
tinu
e to
wri
te o
r dra
w in
the
ir jo
urna
ls o
ver t
he n
ext w
eek.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
84
•
Sess
ion
Thr
ee (
12-1
8):
Fea
r
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s a
nd
Pur
pose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e yo
uth
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:~
gre
at to
see
you
all
aga
in.
Did
any
one
reco
rd s
omet
hing
in y
our j
our
nals
tha
t you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
..
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to r
espo
nd.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r th
e da
y.
"Thi
s w
eek.
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
thin
gs t
hat
we
are
afra
id o
f L
ots
0/ tim
es
whe
n so
meo
ne is
kill
ed.
peop
le b
ecom
e sc
ared
abo
ut th
e w
ay th
ey d
ied.
how
oth
er p
eopl
e re
act.
wha
t is
expe
cted
o/u
s, o
r m
aybe
whe
ther
we
wil
l be
kill
ed o
r di
e so
on.
too.
M
any
peop
le a
re
afra
id 0
/ lot
s 0/
thin
gs a
bout
dea
th ..
.
B.
Fea
rs A
bo
ut D
eath
• D
istr
ibut
e w
orks
heet
s o
n fe
ars
abou
t dea
th (s
ee A
ppen
dix
III)
.
• A
sk e
ach
grou
p m
embe
r to
spen
d te
n m
inut
es th
inki
ng a
bout
var
ious
fear
s an
d co
m
plet
e th
e w
orks
heet
s.
• In
stru
ct th
em n
ot to
put
thei
r nam
es o
n th
e w
orks
heet
.
• C
olle
ct th
e w
orks
heet
s, m
ix th
em u
p, a
nd d
istr
ibut
e th
em b
ack
to th
e gr
oup
mak
ing
sure
that
no
one
gets
thei
r ow
n w
orks
heet
bac
k.
• T
akin
g ea
ch fe
ar, o
ne a
t a ti
me,
ask
eac
h gr
oup
mem
ber t
o re
ad w
hat i
s w
ritt
en o
n th
e w
orks
heet
he
or s
he n
ow
has
.
• D
iscu
ss th
e di
ffer
ence
bet
wee
n pr
acti
cal,
real
isti
c fe
ars
and
impr
obab
le fe
ars.
C.
Act
ion
Pla
nnin
g
• D
ivid
e th
e yo
uth
into
sm
all g
roup
s of
3-5.
• D
istr
ibut
e fe
ar a
ctio
n pl
anni
ng w
orks
heet
s (s
ee A
ppen
dix
IV).
• T
ell t
hem
to id
entif
Y th
ree
prac
tica
l thi
ngs
that
they
wor
ry a
bout
or a
re a
frai
d o
f in
thei
r ev
eryd
ay li
fe.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
85
• A
sk th
em to
wor
k to
geth
er to
dev
elop
a p
lan
for
wha
t the
y ca
n do
to m
ake
them
selv
es
feel
saf
er.
• E
mph
asiz
e th
at th
e pl
an s
houl
d in
clud
e pr
actic
al a
ctio
n st
eps
that
they
can
impl
emen
t by
them
selv
es o
r with
the
help
of o
ther
mem
bers
in th
e co
mm
unity
.
• A
sk th
em to
iden
tify
wha
t act
ion
that
they
will
take
dur
ing
the
next
wee
k to
beg
in to
im
plem
ent t
heir
pla
n.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to r
epor
t the
ir g
roup
pla
n to
the
full
grou
p.
D.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• R
emin
d th
e gr
oup
to c
ontin
ue to
rec
ord
thou
ghts
and
rea
ctio
ns in
thei
r jou
rnal
s.
86
Sess
ion
Fou
r (1
2-18
): A
nger
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
at g
roup
mem
bers
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e re
cord
any
thin
g in
yo
ur j
ourn
al
duri
ng t
he l
ast
wee
k?"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• A
sk fo
r sm
all g
roup
repo
rts
on w
hat t
hey
acco
mpl
ishe
d on
thei
r act
ion
plan
s de
velo
ped
last
wee
k.
• In
trod
uce
the
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"Thi
s w
eek,
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
tim
es w
hen
we
are
ang,
:v.
Lot
s o
f tim
es w
hen
som
eone
we
love
is
kille
d, w
e ge
t mad
at
the
pers
on w
ho k
ille
d th
em,
at p
eopl
e w
ho s
houl
d ha
ve
help
ed th
em,
at o
ther
peo
ple
who
don
't un
ders
tand
. So
met
imes
peo
ple
tell
us
we
shou
ldn'
t be
angr
y, b
ut n
o on
e ca
n he
lp i
t ([t
hey/
eel a
ngry
som
etim
es w
hen
som
eone
die
s su
dden
ly. "
B.
Dis
cuss
ion
of t
he P
hysi
olog
y o
f An
ger
• R
ead
and
dist
ribu
te ex
cerp
t fro
m A
nger
: Th
e M
isun
ders
tood
Em
otio
n, b
y C
arol
T
avris
(see
App
endi
x V
).
• D
istr
ibut
e ang
er w
orks
heet
s (s
ee A
ppen
dix
VI)
.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to fi
ll ou
t the
wor
kshe
ets.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to r
ead
the
com
men
ts th
ey m
ade
on th
e w
orks
heet
s to
the
grou
p.
C.
Bur
ning
up
Your
An
ger
• G
ive
the
grou
p m
embe
rs a
pie
ce o
f pap
er a
nd a
pen
cil o
r mar
ker.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
to li
st th
e th
ings
that
mak
e th
em m
ost a
ngry
abo
ut th
e de
ath
ofth
eir
love
d on
e.
• In
stru
ct th
em to
che
ck o
ff th
ings
that
they
can
do
som
ethi
ng a
bout
.
• D
ivid
e th
e gr
oup
into
sm
all g
roup
s of
3-5.
• D
istr
ibut
e an
ger a
ctio
n pl
anni
ng w
orks
heet
s (s
ee A
ppen
dix
VII
).
-C
on
tin
ued
-
87
• T
ell t
hem
to w
ork
toge
ther
to c
reat
e a
pers
onal
act
ion
plan
for e
ach
mem
ber t
o ad
dres
s th
e is
sues
ove
r whi
ch th
ey h
ave
som
e co
ntro
l.
• E
mph
asiz
e th
at th
e pl
an s
houl
d in
clud
e pr
actic
al a
ctio
n st
eps
that
they
can
impl
emen
t by
them
selv
es o
r with
the
help
of o
ther
mem
bers
in th
e co
mm
unity
.
• A
sk th
em to
iden
tifY
wha
t act
ion
that
they
will
take
dur
ing
the
next
wee
k to
beg
in to
im
plem
ent t
heir
plan
.
• P
ass a
met
al w
aste
can
or b
ucke
t aro
und
the
room
and
ask
the
grou
p m
embe
rs to
th
row
the
rem
aini
ng li
st o
f ang
ry th
ings
that
they
can
't co
ntro
l int
o th
e ca
n or
buc
ket.
• S
et fi
re to
the
pape
r to
sym
bolic
ally
bum
aw
ay th
e an
ger.
D.
Phy
sica
l A
ctiv
ity
Ang
er c
an a
lso
be "
burn
ed u
p" o
r def
used
thro
ugh
phys
ical
act
ivity
.
• A
sk ea
ch m
embe
r oft
he g
roup
to th
ink
of a
spec
ific
type
of p
hysi
cal a
ctiv
ity w
hich
they
en
joy
that
they
can
use
to b
um u
p an
ger w
hen
they
bec
ome
upse
t. So
me
exam
ples
mig
ht b
e:
-ru
nnin
g or
jogg
ing
-pla
yin
gfo
otb
all
-p
layin
g a
mus
ical
inst
rum
ent
-da
ncin
g
-ro
win
g a
boat
E.
Con
clus
ion
• G
ive t
he g
roup
the
read
ing
assi
gnm
ent o
f "Fu
nera
l and
Mou
rnin
g C
usto
ms"
, fro
m
Giv
ing
Sorr
ow W
ords
by
Can
dy L
ight
ner a
nd N
ancy
Hat
haw
ay, a
nd d
istr
ibut
e co
pies
of t
he c
hapt
er
(see
App
endi
x V
III)
.
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
erve
refr
eshm
ents
.
• R
emin
d th
e gr
oup
to c
ontin
ue to
rec
ord
entr
ies
in th
eir j
ourn
als a
nd to
impl
emen
t the
ir
fear
and
ang
er a
ctio
n pl
ans.
88
•
Sess
ion
Fiv
e (1
2-18
): G
rief
and
Mou
rnin
g
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urpo
se o
f Gro
up S
essi
on
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e yo
uth
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It:S'
grea
t to
see
you
all a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?
"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
.
• A
sk fo
r gro
up re
port
s on
wha
t peo
ple
have
don
e to
impl
emen
t the
ir fe
ar o
r ang
er
actio
n pl
ans.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
.. We'
ve t
alke
d a
lot
abou
t th
e w
ay w
efee
l aft
er s
omeo
ne w
e lo
ve i
s ki
lled,
but
of
ten
the
mai
n th
ing
wef
eel
is s
adne
ss.
Ther
e ar
e a
lot o
f rea
sons
to
be s
ad
an
d m
ost o
f the
m
have
to d
o w
ith m
issi
ng th
e pe
rson
who
is
gone
. To
day
we
are
goin
g to
tal
k ab
out
how
we
can
rem
embe
r th
e pe
rson
we
love
so
that
the
ir m
emO
lY c
an b
e w
ith u
s al
way
s. "
B.
Fun
eral
s an
d M
emor
ials
Act
ivit
y
• E
xpla
in to
the
grou
p th
at fu
nera
ls a
nd m
emor
ials
are
a w
ay o
f say
ing
good
-bye
to
peop
le w
ho h
ave
died
and
oft
en h
elp
peop
le to
gri
eve
thei
r los
s. F
uner
als
and
mem
oria
ls c
an b
e pa
infu
l an
d gr
im f
or s
ome
surv
ivor
s.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
how
man
y at
tend
ed s
uch
a se
rvic
e or
fune
ral f
or th
eir l
oved
one
.
• A
sk th
em i
f the
y ha
ve a
ny q
uest
ions
abo
ut w
hat t
hey
saw
or h
eard
.
• C
lari
fy an
y m
isco
ncep
tions
or c
once
rns.
• A
sk th
em to
hel
p yo
u lis
t exa
mpl
es o
f fun
eral
or m
emor
ial c
usto
ms
that
are
use
d in
di
ffer
ent c
ultu
ral g
roup
s or d
iffe
rent
par
ts o
f the
cou
ntry
.
• D
ivid
e th
e yo
uth
into
sm
all g
roup
s.
• A
sk ea
ch g
roup
to p
lan
a fu
nera
l or
mem
oria
l the
way
they
wou
ld li
ke to
see
one
hel
d.
• R
econ
vene
the
yout
h as
a la
rge
grou
p an
d as
k ea
ch g
roup
to r
epor
t on
the
fune
ral
or
mem
oria
l the
y pl
anne
d.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
89
C.
Vid
eo a
nd
Mem
ory
Stor
ies
• E
xp
lain
to th
e gr
oup
that
one
way
to r
emem
ber s
omeo
ne th
ey lo
ve is
to te
ll s
tori
es
abou
t the
m to
peo
ple
they
mee
t.
• S
ho
w th
e vi
deo,
"S
hado
w o
fth
e D
ream
". (
Con
tact
NO
VA
for
inf
orm
atio
n on
how
to
obta
in a
cop
y o
f thi
s vi
deo.
)
• E
xp
lain
that
Bet
ty J
ane
Spe
ncer
agr
eed
to d
o th
e vi
deo
as a
mem
oria
l to
her b
oys.
• A
sk th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to w
rite
a s
hort
sto
ry a
bout
the
pers
on th
ey lo
ved.
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to re
ad th
eir s
tori
es w
hen
they
are
fin
ishe
d.
D.
Con
clus
ion
• A
ssig
n th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to b
ring
a m
emor
y ob
ject
to th
e ne
xt a
nd la
st s
essi
on.
• A
ssig
n th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
to w
rite
a le
tter
to th
e pe
rson
who
was
kil
led
tell
ing
them
an
ythi
ng th
ey w
ould
esp
ecia
lly
like
them
to k
now
.
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ion.
• S
erv
e re
fres
hmen
ts.
• R
emin
d th
e gr
oup
to c
onti
nue
to r
ecor
d en
trie
s in
the
ir jo
umal
s.
90
Sess
ion
Six
(12-
18):
Goi
ng o
n W
ith
Lif
e
A.
Intr
oduc
tion
s an
d P
urp
ose
of G
roup
Ses
sion
• R
evie
w th
ough
ts th
e gr
oup
mig
ht h
ave
had
duri
ng th
e w
eek.
"Hi.
It s g
reat
to s
ee y
ou a
ll a
gain
. D
id a
nyon
e dr
aw a
ny p
ictu
res
last
wee
k th
at
you
wou
ld li
ke to
sha
re?"
• A
sk fo
r vol
unte
ers
to s
how
or t
ell s
omet
hing
from
thei
r jou
rnal
s.
• A
sk fo
r gr
oup
repo
rts
on th
e pr
ogre
ss o
fth
eir f
ear
or a
nger
act
ion
plan
s.
• In
trod
uce
topi
c fo
r the
day
.
"Tod
ay is
the
las
t tim
e th
at w
e w
ill
mee
t bef
ore
Tha
nksg
ivin
g.
It ~'1
bee
n ve
ry
spec
ial g
etti
ng to
kno
w e
ach
q[ y
ou.
But
it:"
tim
e to
say
goo
d-by
e fo
r a
whi
le.
So t
oday
we
wan
t to
tal
k ab
out
wha
t eac
h q
[us
is g
oing
to d
o as
you
con
tinu
e to
gro
w u
p an
d ge
t ol
del:
Fir
st,
I w
ant
to s
ee w
hat
mem
ory
obje
ct y
ou b
roug
ht to
sho
w u
s. "
B.
Mem
ory
Obj
ects
• H
ave
a ro
ll o
f ri
bbon
and
pre
-cut
hea
rts
at le
ast t
wo
inch
es in
siz
e. (
Hea
I1 d
oili
es c
an
also
be
used
.)
• A
llow
eac
h gr
oup
mem
ber t
o sh
ow th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
, des
crib
e it
and
tell
wh
y it
is
impo
rtan
t.
• A
fter
eac
h yo
ung
pers
on te
lls
abou
t the
mem
ory
obje
ct, c
ut a
pie
ce o
f rib
bon
and
atta
ch it
to a
hea
rt.
• A
llow
eac
h pe
rson
to w
rite
the
nam
e o
fth
e lo
ved
one
on th
e he
art.
• T
ie o
r gl
ue
the
ribb
on a
nd h
eart
to th
e m
emor
y ob
ject
.
• E
xpla
in th
at in
man
y cu
ltur
es, p
eopl
e ke
ep m
emor
y ob
ject
s in
thei
r hom
e o
r car
ry th
em
wit
h th
em to
con
tinu
e to
fee
l tha
t the
y ca
n ta
lk to
the
ir lo
ved
ones
.
C.
Let
ters
to L
oved
One
s
• A
sk fo
r vo
lunt
eers
to r
ead
the
lett
ers
they
wro
te to
the
pers
on w
ho w
as k
ille
d.
• O
ffer
to c
olle
ct th
e le
tter
s fr
om t
he g
roup
and
mak
e a
book
of a
ll th
e le
tter
s to
be
dist
libu
ted
to a
ll th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
.
-C
on
tin
ued
-
91
• A
sk if
ther
e is
any
thin
g el
se th
ey w
ould
like
to d
o w
ith th
e le
tters
.
D.
Thi
nkin
g A
bou
t th
e F
utu
re
• B
reak
the
grou
p in
to p
airs
of y
oung
peo
ple.
• A
sk ea
ch p
air t
o ta
ke tu
rns
inte
rvie
win
g ea
ch o
ther
abo
ut w
hat t
hey
wan
t to
do w
hen
they
gro
w u
p an
d ho
w th
ey p
lan
to a
ccom
plis
h th
eir g
oals
.
• T
ell t
hem
to b
e sp
ecif
ic b
ecau
se a
fter
they
hav
e ta
lked
for f
ifte
en o
r tw
enty
min
utes
, ea
ch p
erso
n w
ill b
e as
ked
to "
intr
oduc
e" th
eir p
artn
er to
the
grou
p as
i fth
ey w
ere
now
thir
ty-f
ive
year
s ol
d.
• H
ave
the
grou
p m
embe
rs m
ake
thei
r pre
sent
atio
n.
E.
Con
clu
sion
• T
han
k th
e gr
oup
mem
bers
for c
omin
g to
the
sess
ions
.
• G
ive
each
you
ng p
erso
n a
cert
ific
ate
of c
ompl
etio
n of
the
grou
p pr
oces
s.
• T
ake
a pi
ctur
e o
f the
gro
up to
geth
er a
s a
"gra
duat
ion"
pic
ture
.
92
F. T
he
Nee
d f
or P
rofe
ssio
nal H
elp
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
Whi
le th
is g
uide
book
can
be
used
by
vict
im a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ofes
sion
als
and
othe
r car
egiv
ers
to
help
gri
evin
g ch
ildr
en, m
any
chil
dren
who
sur
vive
the
trau
mat
ic, v
iole
nt d
eath
of s
omeo
ne w
hom
they
lo
ve m
ay n
eed
prof
essi
onal
men
tal h
ealt
h he
lp.
The
foll
owin
g m
ay b
e sy
mpt
oms o
f the
nee
d fo
r add
itio
nal h
elp:
1.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en d
on
't ta
lk a
bout
the
dece
ased
, do
n't
men
tion
his
or h
er n
ame,
and
avo
id
hear
ing
any
conv
ersa
tion
s ab
out t
he d
ecea
sed.
2.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en b
ecom
e de
stru
ctiv
e to
pro
pert
y, o
ther
peo
ple,
pet
s o
r the
mse
lves
.
3.
Whe
n sc
hool
per
form
ance
goe
s do
wn
and
rem
ains
low
.
4.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en b
ecom
e ov
erly
con
cern
ed w
ith
doin
g an
ythi
ng w
rong
.
5.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en s
how
a p
reoc
cupa
tion
wit
h de
ath.
6.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en re
enac
t the
dea
th e
xper
ienc
e ov
er a
nd o
ver.
(S
ome
reen
actm
ent i
s a
part
o
f ven
tila
tion
, but
obs
essi
ve r
eena
ctm
ent o
ver t
ime
may
indi
cate
ext
raor
dina
ry d
istr
ess.
)
7.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en u
se th
e de
ath
expe
rien
ce a
s an
exc
use
for
unde
sira
ble
beha
vior
.
8.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en o
veri
dent
ifY
wit
h th
e de
ceas
ed a
nd b
egin
to ta
ke o
n a
sim
ilar
per
sona
lity
.
9.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en s
how
sign
s o
f hav
ing
trou
ble
eati
ng o
r sle
epin
g.
10.
Whe
n ch
ildr
en c
ompl
ain
of n
ot fe
elin
g go
od w
itho
ut a
ny e
vide
nt p
hysi
cal s
ympt
oms
for
a lo
ng p
erio
d o
f tim
e.
93
VI.
P
roto
cols
for
Wor
king
wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n
A. B
ackg
roun
d C
onsi
dera
tion
s
1.
Vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s ar
e of
ten
call
ed u
pon
to r
espo
nd to
chi
ldre
n w
ho h
ave
surv
ived
the
viol
ent d
eath
of s
omeo
ne th
ey k
now
or l
ove,
or w
ho h
ave
wit
ness
ed v
iole
nt d
eath
. S
ome
prof
essi
onal
s ar
e ca
lled
to th
e sc
enes
of v
iole
nce
and
mus
t ass
ist c
hild
ren
in t
he im
med
iate
aft
erm
ath
of a
cr
ime.
Oth
ers
may
be
aske
d to
wor
k w
ith
chil
dren
in th
e pr
oces
s o
f hel
ping
oth
er fa
mil
y m
embe
rs d
eal
wit
h th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
. St
ill o
ther
s be
com
e in
volv
ed w
ith
aidi
ng c
omm
unit
ies
or sc
hool
sys
tem
s de
velo
p an
d im
plem
ent p
lans
for
help
ing
chil
dren
cop
e w
ith
the
impa
ct o
f dea
th o
n th
eir d
aily
live
s.
The
se g
uide
line
s de
scri
be a
ppro
pria
te s
teps
for
suc
h as
sist
ance
, and
age
-app
ropr
iate
res
pons
es a
nd
prov
ide
a va
riet
y o
f ski
lls,
tool
s an
d te
chni
ques
.
2.
The
goa
l of v
icti
m a
ssis
tanc
e w
ith g
riev
ing
chil
dren
is:
To h
elp
chil
dren
und
erst
and
and
live
with
the
ir g
rief
in a
he
alth
y a
nd
con
stru
ctiv
e w
ay.
3.
Mos
t chi
ldre
n fe
el a
frai
d an
d is
olat
ed a
fter
exp
osur
e to
vio
lent
dea
th.
Suc
cess
ful
inte
rven
tion
s ar
e pr
edic
ated
on
deve
lopi
ng s
ocia
l net
wor
ks o
f sup
port
for
them
invo
lvin
g fa
mil
y m
em
bers
, sch
ool p
erso
nnel
, pee
rs, a
nd c
omm
unit
y m
embe
rs.
4.
The
impa
ct o
f dea
th o
n ch
ildr
en a
nd th
eir a
bili
ty to
cop
e w
ith
grie
f in
its a
fter
mat
h is
de
pend
ent u
pon:
a.
The
ir a
ge o
f dev
elop
men
t.
b.
The
att
ribu
tes
of t
he d
eath
-ho
w th
e pe
rson
die
d.
c.
The
rela
tion
ship
of t
he c
hild
to th
e pe
rson
who
die
d.
d.
The
nat
ure
of t
he d
eath
not
ific
atio
n.
e.
Chi
ldre
n's
prev
ious
exp
elie
nce
and
expo
sure
to d
eath
and
loss
.
f T
heir
exis
ting
cop
ing
skill
s.
g.
The
nat
ure
oft
hei
r sup
port
net
wor
k.
h.
The
info
rmat
ion
rece
ived
from
and
the
beha
vior
s an
d at
titu
des
of c
areg
iver
s ar
ound
them
.
5.
The
re a
re fi
ve c
riti
cal a
ctiv
itie
s th
at m
ust b
e ac
com
plis
hed
in o
rder
to li
ve w
ith
grie
f:
a.
Und
erst
andi
ng w
hat h
appe
ned.
95
b.
Exp
erie
ncin
g th
e pa
in o
f the
loss
.
c.
Mou
rnin
g th
e lo
ss.
d.
Com
mem
orat
ing
the
loss
.
e.
Adj
usti
ng to
and
inte
grat
ing
the
loss
into
a n
ew li
fe.
6.
Vio
lent
dea
th c
ompo
unds
gri
ef.
The
re a
re fi
ve is
sues
to b
e ad
dres
sed
in c
opin
g w
ith
the
trau
ma
of v
iole
nce:
a.
Ree
stab
lish
ing
orde
r and
saf
ety.
b.
Add
ress
ing
the
impa
ct o
f the
trau
ma
even
t.
c.
Ack
now
ledg
ing
the
dist
ress
cau
sed
by th
e tr
aum
a.
d.
Ref
ram
ing
the
trau
ma
thro
ugh
mea
ning
, pur
pose
or h
ope.
e.
Rec
onci
ling
trau
ma
and
loss
in a
new
life
.
7.
It is
ess
enti
al to
add
ress
bot
h tr
aum
a is
sues
and
gri
ef o
ver d
eath
whe
n w
orki
ng w
ith
chil
dren
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed v
iole
nt d
eath
.
8.
Mos
t vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
prof
essi
onal
s ha
ve s
urvi
ved
the
deat
h o
f a lo
ved
one
them
selv
es
and
mus
t add
ress
thei
r ow
n is
sues
pri
or to
tryi
ng to
hel
p o
ther
s-p
arti
cula
rly
chi
ldre
n.
B. D
efin
itio
ns
Ch
ild
-Fo
r th
e pu
rpos
es o
f thi
s pr
otoc
ol, a
chi
ld is
def
ined
as
an i
ndiv
idua
l bet
wee
n th
e ag
es o
f 0-1
8. T
hree
dev
elop
men
tal
stag
es a
re a
ddre
ssed
wit
hin
that
def
init
ion:
0-6
, 7-1
1, a
nd 1
2-18
. It
is r
ecog
nize
d th
at s
uch
defi
niti
on a
nd th
e de
velo
pmen
t sta
ges
are
arbi
trar
y; th
at a
per
son
may
be
deve
lopm
enta
lly
a ch
ild
past
the
age
of
18; a
nd th
at a
per
son
who
is u
nder
6 o
r 12
may
be
in a
hig
her
deve
lopm
enta
l sta
ge.
Gri
ef-
Th
e fe
elin
gs a
nd th
ough
ts th
at re
flec
t em
otio
ns in
the
afte
rmat
h of
loss
. F
or th
e pu
rpos
es o
f thi
s pr
otoc
ol, g
rief
wou
ld b
e ca
used
by
viol
ent d
eath
.
Mo
urn
ing
-Th
e b
ehav
iors
and
act
ions
that
an
indi
vidu
al u
ses
to c
ope
wit
h gr
ief.
Gri
evin
g C
hil
d-T
he g
riev
ing
chil
d m
ay b
e a
surv
ivor
of o
r wit
ness
to th
e de
ath
of a
lo
ved
one,
acq
uain
tanc
e, o
r pet
.
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
gra
m-A
pro
gram
that
pro
vide
s on
e or
mor
e o
f the
fol
low
ing
serv
ic~s
to v
icti
ms
of c
rim
e: c
risi
s in
terv
enti
on, s
uppo
rtiv
e co
unse
ling
and
adv
ocac
y, in
form
atio
n an
d re
ferr
al, a
ssis
tanc
e du
ring
cri
me
inve
stig
atio
n, a
ssis
tanc
e du
ring
any
sta
ge o
f pro
secu
tion
, and
ass
ista
nce
afte
r cas
e di
spos
itio
n. A
pro
gram
may
ser
ve o
ne o
r mor
e ty
pes
of c
rim
e vi
ctim
s su
ch a
s se
xual
ass
ault
96
vict
ims,
vic
tims o
f dom
estic
vio
lenc
e, s
urvi
vors
of h
omic
ide
vict
ims,
chi
ld v
ictim
s, e
lder
ly v
ictim
s or
vict
ims o
f bia
s crim
es.
Vic
tim
Ass
ista
nce
Pro
fess
ion
al-
A p
erso
n w
ho p
rovi
des
any
of t
he s
ervi
ces
liste
d ab
ove
as a
pai
d or
unp
aid
staf
f per
son.
The
per
son
may
be
empl
oyed
by
a vi
ctim
ass
ista
nce
prog
ram
or
be
a te
ache
r or c
ouns
elor
in a
scho
ol, a
law
enf
orce
men
t pro
fess
iona
l, a
law
yer o
r pro
secu
tor,
a ju
dge,
a m
embe
r of t
he c
lerg
y, a
men
tal h
ealth
pro
fess
iona
l, or
any
oth
er in
divi
dual
who
bec
omes
a
care
give
r to
grie
ving
chi
ldre
n.
c. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
Whe
n w
orki
ng w
ith
grie
ving
chi
ldre
n, th
e vi
ctim
ass
ista
nce
prov
ider
shal
l:
1.
Wor
k w
ith th
e si
gnif
ican
t adu
lts a
nd p
eers
in th
eir l
ives
to c
reat
e a
safe
, com
pass
iona
te,
carin
g en
viro
nmen
t tha
t fos
ters
com
mun
icat
ion
and
ackn
owle
dgm
ent o
f the
gri
ef an
d lo
ss.
2.
Stri
ve to
pro
vide
con
cret
e an
d tim
ely
info
rmat
ion
abou
t the
trau
ma,
the
deat
h, a
nd w
hat
may
hap
pen
to th
e ch
ild o
r aro
und
the
child
in th
e af
term
ath.
3.
Rec
ogni
ze th
at g
rief
and
mou
rnin
g is
a lo
ng-te
rm p
roce
ss a
nd re
quire
s gu
idan
ce
thro
ugho
ut d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ges.
4.
Util
ize
a ra
nge
of te
chni
ques
and
skill
s in
ord
er to
acc
omm
odat
e di
ffer
ent d
evel
opm
enta
l st
ages
as
wel
l as
to a
ddre
ss d
iffe
rent
lear
ning
cap
aciti
es o
f the
chi
ld.
In o
rder
to a
ccom
pli
sh t
he a
bov
e, a
t the
sce
ne
of a
cri
me,
the
vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
pr
ovid
er sh
all:
I. Ta
lk w
ith a
n ad
ult w
ho h
as a
sign
ifica
nt re
latio
nshi
p w
ith th
e ch
ild, p
rior t
o in
form
ing
the
child
of t
he d
eath
, if p
ossi
ble.
2.
Wor
k w
ith la
w e
nfor
cem
ent t
o fin
d ou
t wha
t inf
orm
atio
n th
e po
lice
may
nee
d fr
om th
e ch
ild.
3.
Est
ablis
h a
safe
pla
ce to
tell
the
child
abo
ut th
e de
ath
or ta
lk w
ith th
e ch
ild in
the
afte
rm
ath
of n
otifi
catio
n.
4.
Mak
e a
prel
imin
ary
asse
ssm
ent o
fthe
chi
ld th
roug
h:
a. Id
entif
Yin
g an
y po
ssib
le p
hysi
cal i
njur
ies o
r rea
ctio
ns th
at m
ight
nee
d m
edic
al
atte
ntio
n.
b.
Iden
tifY
ing
the
nam
es, a
ges,
gen
ders
, add
ress
es, s
choo
ls, o
r gra
des
of c
hild
ren
witn
essi
ng o
r sur
vivi
ng th
e de
ath.
c.
Iden
tifY
ing
the
rela
tions
hip
of t
he d
ecea
sed
to th
e ch
ild.
97
d.
Obt
aini
ng a
s muc
h in
form
atio
n as
pos
sibl
e ab
out t
he n
atur
e of
the
deat
h.
e.
Obt
aini
ng a
s m
uch
info
rmat
ion
as p
ossi
ble
abou
t the
chi
ld a
nd h
is o
r her
pre
viou
s ex
peri
ence
s w
ith d
eath
.
5.
Ens
ure
that
the
child
is w
arm
and
com
fort
able
, and
off
er p
hysi
cal c
omfo
rt, i
fthe
chi
ld
resp
onds
to it
.
6.
Be
calm
and
reas
suri
ng w
hen
telli
ng th
e ch
ild a
bout
the
deat
h or
talk
ing
abou
t his
or h
er
initi
al re
actio
ns.
7.
Con
vey
sym
path
y to
the
child
abo
ut th
e de
ath.
8.
Ask
the
child
ifhe
or s
he h
as a
ny q
uest
ions
abo
ut th
e de
ath.
9.
Be
prep
ared
to a
nsw
er q
uest
ions
hon
estly
, fac
tual
ly a
nd b
riefly
.
10. W
ork
with
sig
nifi
cant
adu
lts to
arr
ange
for a
safe
and
reas
suri
ng p
lace
for t
he c
hild
to
stay
for
the
next
24-
48 h
ours
.
11.
Spen
d tim
e w
ith s
igni
fica
nt a
dults
pre
pari
ng th
em to
wor
k w
ith th
e ch
ild d
urin
g th
e ne
xt
24-4
8 ho
urs.
12.
Arr
ange
for o
r pla
n to
pro
vide
add
ition
al s
uppo
rt fo
r the
chi
ld w
ithin
the
next
24-
48
hour
s.
Ifvi
ctim
ass
ista
nce
prov
ider
s ar
e re
ques
ted
to p
rovi
de d
eath
not
ific
atio
n to
chi
ldr
en, t
hey
shal
l:
1.
Tak
e th
em to
a sa
fe p
lace
to d
o so
. If
a tr
uste
d ad
ult i
s av
aila
ble
to b
e th
ere,
enc
oura
ge
parti
cipa
tion.
a.
Eve
n w
hen
a ch
ild h
as w
itnes
sed
a vi
olen
t dea
th, a
not
ific
atio
n is
nec
essa
ry s
ince
de
ath
is n
ot re
adily
com
preh
ende
d.
b.
A sa
fe p
lace
is o
ne w
hich
is c
omfo
rtab
le, s
ecur
e an
d re
mov
ed fr
om o
ther
maj
or
activ
ity.
Whi
le it
may
be
with
in th
eir o
wn
hom
e, it
sho
uld
not b
e th
eir b
edro
om o
r kitc
hen
beca
use
they
m
ay a
ssoc
iate
the
deat
h an
d th
eir a
ccom
pany
ing
reac
tions
with
thes
e pl
aces
and
that
ass
ocia
tion
may
in
terf
ere
with
sle
epin
g or
eat
ing
habi
ts in
the
afte
rmat
h.
2.
Prov
ide
them
, if a
ge-a
ppro
pria
te, w
ith a
bla
nket
, toy
or s
tuff
ed a
nim
al (a
favo
rite
item
, if
avai
labl
e) to
hol
d on
to w
hile
you
tell
them
wha
t hap
pene
d.
3.
Ifth
ey a
re c
ryin
g or
agi
tate
d, h
old
or so
othe
them
unt
il th
ey c
an c
once
ntra
te o
n w
hat
you
have
to s
ay.
98
•
4.
Sit d
own
with
th
em
-on
the
floor
ifa
ppro
pria
te-a
nd te
ll th
em y
ou h
ave
som
ethi
ng
sad
to ta
lk w
ith th
em a
bout
.
5.
TeJl
them
in s
hort,
fact
ual s
tate
men
ts w
hat h
appe
ned.
"You
r fat
her
was
kil
led
toni
ght.
He
is d
ead.
So
meo
ne s
hot h
im w
ith
a gu
n.
It is
ve
ry s
ad
an
dyo
ur
mot
her i
s ve
ry sa
d. "
If t
he p
erso
n w
ho d
id th
e sh
ootin
g is
alr
eady
iden
tifie
d, n
ame
him
. "M
r. Sm
ith
sho
t him
. "
6.
Ask
them
ifth
ey h
ave
any
ques
tions
, and
list
en c
aref
ully
to th
eir c
once
rns.
It i
s im
por
tant
to tr
y to
find
out
wha
t is
happ
enin
g in
side
thei
r min
ds.
7.
If ch
ildre
n ha
ve w
itnes
sed
the
viol
ent d
eath
, enc
oura
ge th
em to
rela
te a
ll th
e de
tails
they
sa
w s
o yo
u ca
n fin
d ou
t wha
t the
y th
ink
happ
ened
. T
ry to
rec
onci
le th
eir p
erce
ptio
ns w
ith w
hat y
ou
know
hap
pene
d an
d im
med
iate
ly b
egin
to d
ispe
l any
dis
torti
ons
or fe
elin
gs o
f gui
lt or
self-
blam
e.
Vic
tim a
ssis
tanc
e pr
ovid
ers w
orki
ng w
ith c
hild
ren
in th
e af
term
ath
of a
crim
e sh
all:
I. M
ake
an a
sses
smen
t of t
he g
rievi
ng c
hild
ren'
s nee
ds th
roug
h:
a.
Wor
king
with
adu
lts in
thei
r soc
ial s
uppo
rt ne
twor
k to
iden
tifY
info
nnat
ion
on:
(I)
Eac
h ch
ild in
clud
ing:
nam
es, a
ddre
sses
, gen
ders
, age
s, s
choo
ls, g
rade
s, a
nd
resp
onsi
ble
and
sign
ific
ant a
dults
or p
eers
in th
eir l
ives
.
(2)
The
nat
ure
ofth
e de
ath
and
the
rela
tions
hips
of c
hild
ren
to th
e de
ceas
ed.
(3)
The
soc
ial,
econ
omic
, rel
igio
us, a
nd c
ultu
ral b
ackg
roun
d of
the
child
ren'
s fa
mili
es.
(4)
The
chi
ldre
n's
scho
ol h
isto
ries.
(5)
Oth
er c
ritic
al e
vent
s in
the
child
ren'
s liv
es s
uch
as th
e ex
peri
ence
of p
revi
ous
deat
hs, d
ivor
ce, s
erio
us il
lnes
s or
inju
ry, l
oss
of h
ome,
exp
osur
e to
sub
stan
ce a
buse
, or s
igni
fica
nt
scho
ol o
r com
mun
ity c
hang
es.
b.
Wor
king
with
the
child
ren
to s
olic
it in
fonn
atio
n on
:
(I)
The
mea
ning
oft
he d
eath
to th
em.
(2)
The
ir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he re
latio
nshi
p o
f the
dec
ease
d to
them
.
(3)
The
ir u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he n
atur
e of
the
deat
h.
(4)
Inte
rest
s and
spec
ial a
bilit
ies
that
may
be
help
ful i
n in
volv
ing
the
child
ren
in
mea
ning
ful a
ctiv
ities
. (5)
Sign
ific
ant a
dults
or p
eers
who
may
be
help
ful t
o th
em.
99
(6)
Atti
tude
s to
war
ds th
emse
lves
and
oth
ers
in th
e pa
st a
nd p
rese
nt.
2.
Ens
ure
that
the
child
ren
have
a sa
fe a
nd re
assu
ring
env
iron
men
t with
in w
hich
to c
ontin
ue
thei
r liv
es.
a.
A sa
fe p
hysi
cal e
nvir
onm
ent i
s one
cha
ract
eriz
ed b
y:
(l)
A la
ck o
f vio
lenc
e.
(2)
A la
ck o
f sub
stan
ce a
buse
.
(3)
Ade
quat
e nu
triti
on, o
ppor
tuni
ties
for r
est o
r sle
ep, a
nd a
dequ
ate
phys
ical
ex
erci
se.
b.
A re
assu
ring
env
iron
men
t is o
ne c
hara
cter
ized
by:
(I)
The
pre
senc
e o
f a c
arin
g ad
ult.
(2)
The
opp
ortu
nity
for e
xpre
ssio
ns o
f grie
f.
(3)
The
pre
senc
e o
f adu
lts w
ho a
re a
cqua
inte
d an
d sy
mpa
thet
ic w
ith th
e gr
ievi
ng
proc
esse
s fo
und
in c
hild
ren.
3.
Dev
elop
a lo
ng-t
erm
pla
n fo
r hel
ping
chi
ldre
n co
pe w
ith g
rief.
It sh
ould
incl
ude:
a.
A co
oper
ativ
e pa
rtne
rshi
p be
twee
n ad
ults
in th
e fa
mily
, sch
ool,
relig
ious
inst
itutio
ns,
crim
inal
just
ice
agen
cies
, and
med
ical
inst
itutio
ns.
b.
Part
icip
atio
n in
fune
ral o
r mem
oria
l pla
ns a
nd e
vent
s.
c.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r dea
th e
duca
tion.
d.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r the
exp
lora
tion
and
expr
essi
on o
f gri
ef.
e.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r edu
catio
n on
trau
ma
and
trau
ma
reac
tions
.
f. O
ppor
tuni
ties
for t
he e
xplo
ratio
n an
d ex
pres
sion
oft
raum
a re
actio
ns.
g.
Opp
ortu
nitie
s fo
r the
dev
elop
men
t of p
eer s
uppo
rt.
h.
Min
imiz
atio
n of
enco
unte
rs w
ith th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
1. Su
ppor
t dur
ing
the
crim
inal
just
ice
proc
ess.
J. M
onito
ring
for h
ealth
and
men
tal h
ealth
cha
nges
in th
e ch
ild.
k.
Lon
g-te
rm a
ttent
ion
to c
hang
es in
chi
ldre
n's
reac
tions
to d
eath
as
they
gro
w o
lder
.
100
D. P
roto
col f
or W
orki
ng w
ith
Chi
ldre
n 0-
6
1. B
ack
grou
nd
Inf
orm
atio
n
a.
Infa
nts
have
a li
mit
ed u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he w
orld
aro
und
them
. T
hey
do
reac
t to
the
loss
of s
tabi
lity
in th
eir e
nvir
onm
ent a
nd th
e ab
senc
e o
f car
egiv
ers
to w
hom
they
hav
e be
com
e at
tach
ed.
The
y al
so re
act t
o tr
aum
atic
eve
nts
to w
hich
they
hav
e be
en p
hysi
call
y ex
pose
d. S
uch
reac
tion
s us
uall
y in
volv
e m
anif
esta
tion
of h
igh
anxi
ety
thro
ugh
cryi
ng, b
iting
, thr
owin
g ob
ject
s, th
umb
suck
ing
and
othe
r ag
itat
ed b
ehav
iors
. S
ome
may
refu
se to
eat
or b
ecom
e un
able
to s
leep
com
fort
ably
. T
he g
reat
est n
eed
of i
nfan
ts is
for
nurt
urin
g, a
tten
tive
, phy
sica
l con
tact
. A
ris
k in
the
afte
rmat
h o
f a tr
aum
atic
dea
th is
that
in
fant
s re
ceiv
e le
ss p
hysi
cal a
tten
tion
and
car
e be
caus
e th
eir p
rim
ary
care
give
rs a
re tr
aum
atiz
ed.
b.
Chi
ldre
n un
der t
he a
ge o
f six
are
in a
n ag
e o
f exp
lora
tion
. M
ost e
xper
ienc
es a
re n
ew.
The
one
s w
hich
are
bes
t und
erst
ood
are
conc
rete
day
-to-
day
situ
atio
ns.
Con
cept
ual t
hink
ing
is n
ot y
et
deve
lope
d so
that
idea
s ab
out t
ime,
spa
ce, l
ife
and
deat
h ar
e on
ly v
ague
ly u
nder
stoo
d. C
hild
ren
deve
lop
idea
s b
y im
itat
ion,
ass
ocia
tion
, and
obs
erva
tion
. T
heir
imag
inat
ions
pro
vide
fert
ile
grou
nd fo
r dr
awin
g co
nclu
sion
s. T
his
resu
lts
in w
hat s
ome
have
term
ed "
mag
ical
thin
king
".
In t
his
age
grou
p th
ere
is le
ss d
enia
l of t
rage
dy th
an w
ith
olde
r chi
ldre
n o
r adu
lts.
Ift
rau
mat
ic d
eath
occ
urs
in c
hild
ren'
s li
ves,
it b
ecom
es a
par
t of t
heir
dev
elop
ing
sens
e o
f reali
ty-a
sta
nda
rd f
or m
easu
ring
futu
re e
xper
ienc
es.
Dea
th is
usu
ally
vie
wed
as
reve
rsib
le, i
mpe
rman
ent,
and
an
exte
nsio
n of
life
. T
he a
bsen
ce o
f som
eone
who
is lo
ved
is g
riev
ed b
ut u
sual
ly in
sho
rt, c
once
ntra
ted
peri
ods
punc
tuat
ed b
y o
ther
inte
rest
s an
d ac
tivi
ties
. If
deat
h an
d lo
ss a
re n
ot e
xpla
ined
or r
espo
nded
to
, chi
ldre
n de
velo
p th
eir o
wn
expl
anat
ions
that
are
oft
en a
com
bina
tion
of m
agic
al th
inki
ng a
nd th
eir
obse
rvat
ions
. Des
pite
thes
e co
gnit
ive
diff
eren
ces
betw
een
a yo
ung
chil
d an
d ol
der c
hild
ren
and
adul
ts, t
he
com
mon
pat
tern
of r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a an
d lo
ss a
re s
imil
ar: a
nger
, fea
r, c
onfu
sion
, sel
f-bl
ame,
sha
me,
an
d gr
ief.
2. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nals
Res
pons
ibil
itie
s
a.
Wor
k w
ith
supp
orti
ve a
dult
s to
pro
vide
them
wit
h ed
ucat
ion
and
unde
rsta
ndin
g co
nce
rnin
g th
e ch
ildr
en's
nee
ds.
b.
Com
mun
icat
e w
ith
chil
dren
thro
ugh
age-
appr
opri
ate
exp
ress
ion
-pla
y, a
rt, d
ram
a,
wor
ds, a
nd s
o fo
rth.
c.
At t
he s
cene
of a
vio
lent
dea
th:
(I)
Ens
ure
that
any
infa
nts
invo
lved
are
kep
t war
m, p
icke
d up
, hel
d an
d co
mfo
rted
. E
nsur
e th
at re
!:,ru
lar r
outi
nes
for
infa
nts
such
as
feed
ing,
bat
hing
, and
sle
ep a
re m
aint
aine
d to
the
exte
nt
poss
ible
.
(2)
Hel
p ch
ildr
en b
e re
conn
ecte
d w
ith
supp
orti
ve, c
arin
g ad
ults
as
soon
as
poss
ible
. E
ncou
rage
phy
sica
l, lo
ving
con
tact
.
101
(30
Ifre
ques
ted
or n
eces
sary
, pro
vide
a d
eath
not
ific
atio
n to
chi
ldre
n.
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
nex
t-w
ho
will
take
car
e of
them
ove
r the
nex
t few
da
ys, i
f cha
nges
will
occ
ur in
thei
r im
med
iate
live
s (d
isru
ptio
n of
vaca
tion,
abs
ence
s fr
om d
ay c
are
or
pre-
scho
ol, t
rave
l to
a fr
iend
or r
elat
ive'
s ho
me
for s
ever
al d
ays)
.
(5)
Ens
ure
thei
r saf
ety
and
care
and
reas
sure
them
of i
t.
d.
In th
e af
term
ath
of v
iole
nt d
eath
:
(I)
Ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n ha
ve a
safe
and
a se
cure
env
ironm
ent.
(2)
Tal
k to
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
he d
eath
and
thei
r und
erst
andi
ng o
f it.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t hap
pene
d.
• R
econ
cile
any
dif
fere
nces
bet
wee
n th
eir s
tory
and
wha
t you
kno
w h
appe
ned.
• L
et c
hild
ren
know
that
sho
win
g em
otio
n is
oka
y.
• E
ncou
rage
and
be
prep
ared
for q
uest
ions
abo
ut d
eath
.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t the
y th
ink
is h
appe
ning
to th
e de
ceas
ed a
fter
dea
th.
• B
e pr
epar
ed to
dis
tingu
ish
betw
een
"mag
ical
thin
king
" an
d ot
her b
elie
fs.
(3)
Be
prep
ared
to e
xpla
in d
isru
ptio
ns in
rout
ine.
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
at fu
nera
ls, i
nves
tigat
ions
, and
in th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
(5)
Prov
ide
com
fort
whe
n ch
ildre
n se
em s
ad a
nd d
epre
ssed
.
(6)
Hel
p ch
ildre
n th
ink
abou
t the
futu
re a
nd d
evel
op p
ositi
ve th
ough
ts o
f a n
ew a
nd
diff
eren
t life
.
(7)
Rea
ssur
e ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir l
oved
one
will
not
be
forg
otte
n an
d th
at th
ey c
an a
nd
shou
ld re
mem
ber t
hem
.
3. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s Sk
ills
a.
Ass
essm
ent o
f chi
ldre
n's v
ulne
rabi
litie
s.
b.
Kno
wle
dge
of a
nd a
bilit
y to
hel
p ch
ildre
n ac
cess
di f
fere
nt s
ervi
ces
and
reso
urce
s.
c.
Abi
lity
to ta
lk a
nd c
omm
unic
ate
wi t
h ch
ildre
n.
102
•
d.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f chi
ldre
n's d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ges.
e.
U
nder
stan
ding
of c
hild
ren'
s re
actio
n to
trau
ma.
f. K
now
ledg
e an
d sk
ill to
use
chi
ld-o
rien
ted
tech
niqu
es to
resp
ond
to tr
aum
a an
d be
-re
avem
ent.
g.
Abi
lity
to c
omm
unic
ate
effe
ctiv
ely
with
sup
porti
ve a
dults
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de a
dequ
ate
educ
atio
n on
chi
ld b
erea
vem
ent.
103
•
E. P
roto
col f
or W
orki
ng w
ith
Chi
ldre
n 7-
11
1. B
ackg
roun
d In
form
atio
n
a.
Scho
ol-a
ge c
hild
ren
expa
nd th
eir h
oriz
ons
to in
clud
e di
ffer
ent s
patia
l env
iron
men
ts.
The
y ac
com
mod
ate
soci
al d
efin
ition
s oft
ime,
incr
ease
soci
al r
elat
ions
hips
, and
beg
in to
sol
idifY
con
cep
tual
idea
s. T
hey
deve
lop
idea
s by
imita
tion,
ass
ocia
tion,
and
obs
erva
tion,
but
they
exa
min
e su
ch id
eas
in th
e co
ntex
t of t
heir
ow
n pa
st e
xper
ienc
es a
s w
ell.
Mem
orie
s ha
ve in
crea
sing
mea
ning
for i
nter
pret
ing
the
pres
ent,
but t
his
incr
ease
d ca
paci
ty fo
r und
erst
andi
ng o
ften
cre
ates
con
fusi
on.
It is
not
unu
sual
for
a
child
of t
his
age
to c
onfu
se w
ords
and
thei
r mea
ning
s.
b.
As
they
gro
w m
ore
inde
pend
ent,
child
ren
in th
is a
ge ra
nge
lear
n to
use
thei
r re
sour
ces
to a
naly
ze p
robl
ems
or si
tuat
ions
and
mak
e ch
oice
s in
how
to re
spon
d. I
f thi
s de
velo
pmen
t oc
curs
in a
stab
le e
nvir
onm
ent,
child
ren
lear
n to
trus
t the
ir re
actio
ns a
nd ju
dgm
ent a
s w
ell a
s th
e re
sp
onse
s of t
hose
aro
und
them
. V
iole
nce
or su
dden
dea
th d
isru
pts
that
sta
bilit
y an
d ch
ildre
n of
ten
beco
me
tent
ativ
e, r
adic
ally
cha
nge
beha
vior
s an
d w
ithdr
aw fr
om r
elat
ions
hips
. T
he c
once
pt o
f dea
th a
t th
is a
ge is
oft
en p
erso
nifi
ed.
A d
esir
e to
str
ike
out a
t a "
kille
r" is
oft
en a
des
ire
to o
verc
ome
deat
h its
elf.
c.
Pre-
adol
esce
nts
are
pron
e to
ext
rem
e re
actio
ns p
hysi
cally
and
em
otio
nally
. Su
ch
reac
tions
are
oft
en c
onfl
ictin
g an
d co
nfus
ing.
The
y m
ay e
xhib
it su
dden
moo
d sw
ings
or f
eel b
oth
exhi
lara
ted
and
depr
esse
d by
a tr
aged
y.
The
y ar
e se
lf-o
rien
ted
but t
end
to s
uffe
r low
sel
f-es
teem
as
a re
sult
of t
he p
hysi
cal c
hang
es o
f pub
erty
. T
his,
aug
men
ted
by e
goce
ntri
sm, m
ay re
sult
in s
elf-
criti
cism
. Pr
e-ad
oles
cent
s ten
d to
hav
e an
acu
te s
ense
of m
oral
ity.
Cer
emon
y an
d ri
tual
is v
ery
impo
rtan
t in
man
ifes
ting
this
sen
se o
f rig
ht a
nd w
rong
. R
elat
ions
hips
bec
ome
cent
ral t
o th
eir e
xist
ence
, so
ques
tions
ab
out d
eath
may
shif
t fro
m w
hat d
eath
is to
how
they
will
sur
vive
with
out t
heir
love
d on
e.
2. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
a.
Wor
k w
ith s
uppo
rtiv
e ad
ults
to p
rovi
de th
em w
ith e
duca
tion
and
unde
rsta
ndin
g co
ncer
ning
the
child
ren'
s nee
ds.
b.
Com
mun
icat
e w
ith c
hild
ren
thro
ugh
age-
appr
opri
ate
expr
essi
on-p
lay,
art,
dram
a,
wor
ds, a
nd s
o fo
rth.
c.
At t
he s
cene
of a
vio
lent
dea
th:
(I)
Hel
p ch
ildre
n be
reco
nnec
ted
with
sup
port
ive,
car
ing
adul
ts a
s so
on a
s po
ssib
le,
but a
llow
them
to r
emai
n in
con
tact
with
thei
r pee
r gro
ups,
if t
hey
are
pres
ent.
Enc
oura
ge p
hysi
cal,
lovi
ng c
onta
ct.
(2)
Ifre
ques
ted
or n
eces
sary
to p
rovi
de a
dea
th n
otif
icat
ion
to c
hild
ren,
take
them
to
a s
afe
plac
e to
do
so.
If a
trus
ted
adul
t is
avai
labl
e to
be
ther
e, e
ncou
rage
par
ticip
atio
n.
(3)
Ask
them
to te
ll yo
u w
hat h
app
ened
-wh
at d
o th
ey re
mem
ber?
105
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
nex
t-w
ho
will
take
car
e o
f the
m o
ver t
he n
ext f
ew
days
, if c
hang
es w
ill o
ccur
in th
eir i
mm
edia
te li
ves
(dis
rupt
ion
of va
catio
n, a
bsen
ces
from
day
car
e or
pr
e-sc
hool
, tra
vel t
o a
frie
nd o
r rel
ativ
e's
hom
e fo
r sev
eral
day
s), o
r wha
t will
be
expe
cted
oft
hem
. D
escr
ibe
in d
etai
l wha
t the
nex
t 24-
48 h
ours
will
hol
d fo
r the
m.
(5)
Ens
ure
thei
r saf
ety
and
care
and
reas
sure
them
of i
t.
d.
In th
e af
term
ath
of v
iole
nt d
eath
:
(1)
Ens
ure
that
chi
ldre
n ha
ve a
safe
and
a se
cure
env
iron
men
t.
(2)
Tal
k to
chi
ldre
n ab
out t
he d
eath
and
thei
r und
erst
andi
ng o
f it.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t hap
pene
d. B
e al
ert f
or a
ny c
onfu
sing
con
cept
s or
wor
ds u
sed
in th
e de
scri
ptio
n.
• H
elp
them
cla
rify
thei
r sto
ries
and
reco
ncile
any
dif
fere
nces
bet
wee
n w
hat
they
say
and
wha
t you
kno
w h
appe
ned.
• L
et c
hild
ren
know
that
sho
win
g em
otio
n is
oka
y.
• E
ncou
rage
and
be
prep
ared
for q
uest
ions
abo
ut d
eath
.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t the
y th
ink
is h
appe
ning
to th
e de
ceas
ed a
fter
de
ath.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e an
y pr
oble
ms t
hat t
hey
mig
ht b
e ha
ving
sin
ce th
e de
ath.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e w
hat t
he n
ext m
onth
, the
tim
e be
fore
an
upco
min
g ho
liday
, or t
he n
ext f
ew m
onth
s w
ill b
e lik
e w
ithou
t the
per
son
who
die
d.
• B
e pr
epar
ed to
dis
tingu
ish
fact
from
fant
asy
and
addr
ess j
udgm
enta
l sel
f-re
flect
ion.
(3)
Arr
ange
for p
eer g
roup
dis
cuss
ions
with
oth
ers
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed a
vio
lent
de
ath.
(4)
Be
prep
ared
to e
xpla
in d
isru
ptio
ns in
rout
ine.
(5)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
at fu
nera
ls, i
nves
tigat
ions
, and
in th
e cr
imin
al ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
(6)
Prov
ide
com
fort
whe
n ch
ildre
n se
em s
ad a
nd d
epre
ssed
.
(7)
Hel
p ch
ildre
n th
ink
abou
t the
futu
re a
nd d
evel
op p
ositi
ve th
ough
ts o
fa n
ew a
nd
diff
eren
t life
.
106
(8)
Rea
ssur
e ch
ildre
n th
at th
eir l
oved
one
will
not
be
forg
otte
n an
d th
at th
ey c
an
and
shou
ld re
mem
ber t
hem
.
3. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s Sk
ills
a.
Ass
essm
ent o
f chi
ldre
n's v
ulne
rabi
litie
s.
b.
Kno
wle
dge
of a
nd a
bilit
y to
hel
p ch
ildre
n ac
cess
dif
fere
nt s
ervi
ces a
nd re
sour
ces.
c.
Abi
lity
to ta
lk a
nd c
omm
unic
ate
with
chi
ldre
n.
d.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f chi
ldre
n's d
evel
opm
enta
l sta
ges.
e.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f chi
ldre
n's r
eact
ion
to tr
aum
a.
f. K
now
ledg
e an
d sk
ill to
use
chi
ld-o
rien
ted
tech
niqu
es to
resp
ond
to tr
aum
a an
d be
reav
emen
t.
g.
Abi
lity
to c
omm
unic
ate
effe
ctiv
ely
with
sup
port
ive
adul
ts in
ord
er to
pro
vide
ad
equa
te e
duca
tion
on c
hild
ber
eave
men
t.
107
F. P
roto
col
for
Wor
king
wit
h C
hild
ren
12-1
8
1. B
ack
grou
nd
Inf
orm
atio
n
a.
Ado
lesc
ents
resp
ond
to th
e w
orld
and
to tr
aum
a in
way
s th
at a
re s
imila
r to
adul
ts;
how
ever
, the
y sh
ould
stil
l be
trea
ted
with
the
kind
of c
are
that
is p
rovi
ded
to y
oung
er c
hild
ren.
b.
For a
dole
scen
ts, t
he w
orld
is c
onst
antly
fluc
tuat
ing.
The
y sh
ift b
ack
and
forth
fro
m
bein
g de
pend
ent a
nd c
hild
like
to b
eing
inde
pend
ent a
nd a
ctin
g as
adu
lts.
As
they
sha
pe th
eir w
orld
s,
they
que
stio
n, c
ritic
ize
and
seek
info
rmat
ion.
The
y un
ders
tand
the
perm
anen
cy o
f dea
th, t
he fa
ct th
at it
is
uni
vers
al, a
nd th
at it
see
ms t
o oc
cur r
ando
mly
. I f
they
hav
e pr
evio
usly
exp
erie
nced
vio
lent
dea
th, t
hey
may
als
o vi
ew d
eath
as
inev
itabl
e an
d as
par
t of t
heir
imm
edia
te fu
ture
. D
eath
, for
som
e, m
ay e
ven
be
rom
antic
ized
as
an a
ltern
ativ
e to
thei
r pai
n in
life
. T
hey
expe
rim
ent w
ith v
alue
s and
beh
avio
rs to
try
to
deve
lop
thei
r ow
n se
nse
of a
n in
depe
nden
t life
sty
le.
The
ir p
rim
ary
rela
tions
hips
are
with
thei
r pee
rs.
The
adu
lt w
orld
may
see
m fo
reig
n an
d ad
ults
may
be
perc
eive
d as
unt
rust
wor
thy.
2. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s R
espo
nsib
ilit
ies
a.
Wor
k w
ith s
uppo
rtiv
e ad
ults
to p
rovi
de th
em w
ith e
duca
tion
and
unde
rsta
ndin
g co
ncer
ning
the
adol
esce
nts'
need
s.
b.
Com
mun
icat
e w
ith a
dole
scen
ts in
adu
lt la
ngua
ge b
ut u
se d
ram
a, a
rt, a
nd p
hysi
cal
activ
ity to
stim
ulat
e th
eir t
houg
hts
and
help
them
to e
xpre
ss th
eir f
eelin
gs.
c.
At t
he s
cene
of a
vio
lent
dea
th:
(1)
Hel
p ad
oles
cent
s re
conn
ect w
ith p
eopl
e th
ey tm
st a
nd fe
el s
afe
with
.
(2)
If re
ques
ted
or n
eces
sary
, pro
vide
a d
eath
not
i fic
atio
n to
ado
lesc
ents
.
(3)
Ask
them
to te
ll yo
u w
hat h
app
ened
-wh
at d
o th
ey re
mem
ber?
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
next
. E
xpla
in w
hy ro
utin
es m
ay v
ary
and
why
thin
gs
will
hap
pen.
(5)
Ens
ure
thei
r saf
ety
and
care
. R
eass
ure
them
that
som
eone
car
es a
bout
them
an
d th
eir l
ives
.
d.
In th
e af
term
ath
of v
iole
nt d
eath
:
(1)
Ens
ure
that
ado
lesc
ents
are
livi
ng in
an
envi
ronm
ent i
n w
hich
they
can
sle
ep, e
at
and
func
tion
com
forta
bly.
(2)
Ask
ado
lesc
ents
abo
ut th
e de
ath
and
how
it a
ffec
ts th
eir l
ives
.
109
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t hap
pene
d. B
e al
ert f
or a
ny c
onfu
sing
con
cept
s or
wor
ds u
sed
in th
e de
scri
ptio
n.
• H
elp
them
cla
rifY
thei
r sto
ries a
nd re
conc
ile a
ny d
iffe
renc
es b
etw
een
wha
t th
ey s
ay a
nd w
hat y
ou k
now
hap
pene
d.
• L
et a
dole
scen
ts k
now
that
reac
tions
suc
h as
ang
er, f
ear,
frus
trat
ion,
sel
fbl
ame,
sha
me,
and
gri
ef ar
e co
mm
on a
nd u
nder
stan
dabl
e.
• E
ncou
rage
and
be
prep
ared
for q
uest
ions
abo
ut d
eath
.
• A
sk th
em to
tell
you
wha
t the
y th
ink
will
hap
pen
to th
em in
thei
r fut
ure.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e an
y pr
oble
ms
that
they
mig
ht b
e ha
ving
sin
ce th
e de
ath.
• A
sk th
em to
des
crib
e w
hat t
he n
ext m
onth
, the
tim
e be
fore
an
upco
min
g ho
liday
, or t
he n
ext f
ew m
onth
s w
ill b
e lik
e w
ithou
t the
per
son
who
die
d.
• B
e pr
epar
ed to
cop
e w
ith e
xpre
ssio
ns o
f ang
er a
nd f
rust
ratio
n di
rect
ed a
t yo
u, in
stitu
tiona
l aut
horit
ies,
or o
ther
s.
(3)
Arr
ange
for p
eer g
roup
dis
cuss
ions
with
oth
ers
who
hav
e su
rviv
ed a
vio
lent
de
ath.
(4)
Exp
lain
wha
t will
hap
pen
and
why
at f
uner
als,
inve
stig
atio
ns, a
nd in
the
crim
inal
ju
stic
e sy
stem
.
(5)
Prov
ide
com
fort
ifth
ey a
re s
ad o
r dep
ress
ed.
(6)
Prov
ide
them
with
tool
s to
deal
with
intru
sive
thou
ghts
and
ove
rwhe
lmin
g em
otio
ns.
(7)
Wor
k w
ith o
ther
adu
lts to
dev
elop
pro
gram
s o
f act
iviti
es th
at d
iver
t ado
lesc
ent
ener
gies
into
con
stru
ctiv
e be
havi
ors a
nd a
llow
for t
he e
xpre
ssio
n o
f grie
f.
(8)
Hel
p ad
oles
cent
s th
ink
abou
t the
futu
re a
nd d
evel
op p
ositi
ve th
ough
ts o
f a n
ew
and
diff
eren
t life
.
(9)
Rea
ssur
e ad
oles
cent
s th
at th
eir l
oved
one
will
not
be
forg
otte
n an
d th
at th
ey c
an
and
shou
ld re
mem
ber t
hem
.
3. V
icti
m A
ssis
tanc
e P
rofe
ssio
nal'
s Sk
ills
a.
Ass
essm
ent o
f ado
lesc
ents
, vul
nera
bilit
ies.
110
b.
Kno
wle
dge
of a
nd a
bili
ty to
hel
p ad
oles
cent
s ac
cess
dif
fere
nt s
ervi
ces
and
re-
sour
ces.
c.
Abi
lity
to ta
lk a
nd c
omm
unic
ate
wit
h ad
oles
cent
s.
d.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f ado
lesc
ent d
evel
opm
enta
l iss
ues.
e.
Und
erst
andi
ng o
f ado
lesc
ent r
eact
ions
to tr
aum
a.
F.
Kno
wle
dge
and
skil
l to
use
adol
esce
nt-o
rien
ted
tech
niqu
es to
res
pond
to tr
aum
a an
d be
reav
emen
t.
g.
Abi
lity
to c
omm
unic
ate
effe
ctiv
ely
wit
h su
ppor
tive
adu
lts
in o
rder
to p
rovi
de a
deq
uate
edu
cati
on o
n ad
oles
cent
ber
eave
men
t.
111
Ap
pen
dix
I -
Tra
uma
and
Gri
ef
Tra
uma
Sho
ck,
disb
elie
f, d
enia
l
Ang
er
Fea
r C
onfu
sion
S
ham
e G
uilt
Gri
ef
113
Gri
ef
Sho
ck,
deni
al
Pro
test
A
nger
G
uilt
B
arga
inin
g
Des
pair
D
etac
hmen
t R
esol
utio
n
Ap
pen
dix
II,
Dir
ge W
ith
out
Mus
ic,
by
Ed
na
St. V
ince
nt M
illa
y
Dir
ge W
ithou
t Mus
ic
I am
not
res
igne
d to
the
shu
ttin
g aw
ay o
f lov
ing
hear
ts in
the
har
d gr
ound
. So
it i
s, a
nd
so
it w
ill b
e, f
or
so i
t has
bee
n, t
ime
out o
f min
d:
Into
the
dar
knes
s th
ey g
o, t
he w
ise
and
the
love
(y.
Cro
wne
d W
ith l
ilie
s a
nd
with
lau
rel t
hey
go;
but I
am
not
res
igne
d.
Lov
ers
an
d th
inke
rs,
into
the
ear
th w
ith
you.
B
e on
e w
ith t
he d
ull,
the
indi
scri
min
ate
dust
. A
frag
men
t o
f wha
t you
felt
, o
f wha
t you
kne
w,
Afo
rmul
a, a
phr
ase
rem
ains
, -
but t
he b
est i
s lo
st.
The
answ
ers
quic
k &
kee
n, t
he h
ones
t loo
k, t
he l
augh
ter.
the
lov
e,
The
y ar
e go
ne.
The
y ha
ve g
one
tofe
ed th
e ro
ses.
E
lega
nt a
nd
cur
led
b th
e bl
osso
m.
Fra
gran
t is
the
blo
ssom
. I
know
. B
ut I
do
not a
ppro
ve.
Mor
e pr
ecio
us w
as t
he l
ight
in y
our
eyes
tha
n al
l the
ros
es in
the
wor
ld.
Dow
n, d
own,
dow
n in
to t
he d
arkn
ess
C?l
the
grav
e G
entl
y th
ey g
o, t
he b
eaut
(lul
, th
e te
nder
. th
e ki
nd;
Qui
etly
they
go,
the
int
elli
gent
, th
e w
itty,
the
bra
ve.
I kn
ow.
But
I d
o no
t app
rove
. A
nd
I am
not
res
igne
d.
-E
dna
St.
Vin
cent
Mil
lay
115
App
endi
x II
I. W
orks
heet
F
ears
Ab
out
Dea
th
Fea
rs a
bou
t Dea
th
The
follo
win
g fe
ars
of d
eath
are
pla
ced
in o
rder
of/
owes
t pri
ority
to h
ighe
st p
rior
ity in
thei
r em
otio
nal c
onte
nt fo
r mos
t peo
ple.
Und
er e
ach
head
ing,
writ
e a
sent
ence
or t
wo
expr
essi
ng
your
reac
tion
or th
ough
ts a
bout
suc
h a
fear
. A
dd o
ther
fear
s if
you
can
thin
k o
f the
m.
1.
Pra
ctic
al F
ears
• Fe
ar fo
r wha
t may
hap
pen
to th
e pe
rson
who
has
die
d
• Fe
ar o
f cha
nges
in ro
les
or e
xpec
tatio
ns
• Fe
ar o
flos
s o
f fam
ily a
nd f
riend
s
• Fea
r of d
ying
pro
cess
2.
Fea
rs o
f Unk
now
n
• Fe
ar o
f God
or s
piri
ts
• Fea
r of j
udgm
ent a
nd fi
nalit
y
• Fea
r of b
eing
alo
ne
3. F
ears
of L
oss
of C
onne
ctio
n w
ith L
ife
• Fe
ar o
flos
s or
des
truc
tion
of b
ody
• F
earo
ffor
gett
ing
or b
eing
forg
otte
n
4. O
ther
Fea
rs?
117
App
endi
x IV
. W
orks
heet
F
ear
Act
ion
Pla
n T
hree
Fea
rs I
Hav
e S
ince
My
Lov
ed O
ne
Die
d:
1.
2.
3.
Thi
ngs
I C
an D
o To
Be
Les
s A
frai
d:
Fea
r#l:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Fea
r #2
: W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Fea
r #3
: W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Wha
t W
e C
an D
o To
Mak
e O
ur
Liv
es S
afer
?
1. G
oal:
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
_ _
Act
ion
Ste
ps
to A
ccom
pli
sh G
oal:
a.
__
__
__
__
__
_ b.
__
__
__
__
__
_ c.
__
__
__
__
__
_ d.
__
__
__
__
__
_ e.
__
__
__
__
__
_ 2.
Goa
l: _
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
_
Act
ion
Ste
ps
to A
ccom
pli
sh G
oal:
a.
__
__
__
__
__
_ b.
__
__
__
__
__
_ c.
__
__
__
~ _
__
_ d.
__
__
__
__
__
_ e.
__
__
__
__
__
_ 3.
Goa
l: _
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
__
_
Act
ion
Ste
ps
to A
ccom
pli
sh G
oal:
a.
__
__
__
__
__
_ b.
__
__
__
__
__
_ _
c. _
__
__
__
__
_ _
d. _
__
__
__
__
__
_ e.
__
__
__
__
__
_ _
119
App
endi
x V
. E
xcer
pt
An
ger:
The
Mis
un
ders
tood
Em
otio
n
by C
arol
Tav
ris
Sim
on a
nd S
chus
ter,
New
Yor
k, 1
982
The
follo
win
g ex
cerp
t, fr
om th
e be
ginn
ing
of C
hapt
er 3
of D
r. T
arvi
s's b
ook,
is in
clud
ed fo
r edu
ca
tiona
l pur
pose
s on
ly, a
s an
exa
mpl
e of
the
kind
s o
f mat
eria
ls th
at c
an b
e us
ed to
dis
cuss
this
topi
c.
Add
ition
al c
opie
s m
ay b
e re
prin
ted
only
for e
duca
tiona
l use
and
are
not
to b
e du
plic
ated
for p
rofi
t.
121
3. T
he
An
atom
y o
f An
ger
"0,
prep
oste
rous
and
fran
tic
outr
age,
end
thy
dam
ned
sple
en!"
-R
ICH
AR
D II
I, II
, iv
Whe
n yo
u ge
t ang
ry, w
hat h
appe
ns to
you
r bod
y? H
ow d
o yo
u fe
el?
Try
to
reca
ll a
rece
nt in
cide
nt
of a
nger
and
com
pare
you
r rea
ctio
ns to
the
follo
win
g lis
t of s
ympt
oms:
--ch
ange
s of m
uscl
e te
nsio
n --
;sco
wlin
g -g
rin
din
g o
f tee
th
-gla
ring
--
clen
chin
g yo
ur fi
sts
--ch
ange
s of a
rn1S
and
pos
ition
of b
ody
-flu
shin
g (g
ettin
g re
d in
face
or b
ody)
-p
alin
g (l
osin
g co
lor)
--
goos
e bu
mps
--
chil
ls an
d sh
udde
rs
-pri
ckly
sens
atio
ns
--nu
mbn
ess
--ch
okin
g -t
wit
chin
g --
swea
ting
--
losi
ng se
lf-co
ntro
l -f
eeli
ng
hot
-f
eeli
ng
cold
The
se a
re a
few
of t
he it
ems
from
the
first
mod
em, s
cien
tific
eff
ort t
o st
udy
ange
r. In
189
4, p
sy
chol
ogis
t G. S
tanl
ey H
all c
olle
cted
218
4 qu
estio
nnai
res
from
peo
ple
who
ans
wer
ed h
is c
ompl
icat
ed
quer
ies
in re
veal
ing
deta
il, a
nd H
all c
erta
inly
wan
ted
deta
il. H
e as
ked
peop
le to
pro
vide
exa
mpl
es o
f th
eir a
ngri
est e
piso
des-
--w
hat p
rovo
ked
them
, wha
t the
y di
d, h
ow th
ey te
lt la
ter,
any
phys
ical
and
m
enta
l cha
nges
. By
toda
y's
stan
dard
s, H
all's
surv
ey w
as to
o de
man
ding
, uns
yste
mat
ic, a
nd im
prec
ise.
It
was
als
o lo
ts o
ffun
, and
its
findi
ngs
entir
ely
cont
empo
rary
. O
ne o
f Hal
l's m
ost c
urio
us re
sults
was
the p
hysi
cal v
aria
tion
in p
eopl
e's
expe
rien
ces
of an
ger.
Som
e sa
id th
at a
nger
mad
e th
em fe
el g
ood,
and
oth
ers
that
it m
ade
them
feel
sic
k. "
I hav
e fo
und
it a
not
alto
geth
er u
nple
asan
t sen
satio
n to
be
in a
gre
at ra
ge,"
wro
te o
ne in
form
ant;
"It w
akes
me
up a
nd m
akes
m
e fe
el v
ery
muc
h al
ive.
" B
ut a
noth
er sa
id, "
I am
ofte
n fr
ight
ened
that
I ca
n ge
t so
angr
y, a
nd o
ften
hav
e a
nerv
ous
head
ache
late
r." A
nd s
ome
repo
rted
they
had
bot
h re
actio
ns, d
epen
ding
on
circ
umst
ance
:
Whe
n an
gry
I fee
l all
of a
sudd
en b
urni
ng h
ot, s
tifle
d an
d co
mpe
lled
to m
ake
a no
ise.
So
met
imes
1 gr
ow ic
y co
ld a
nd fe
el a
s if
! w
as a
ll bl
ancm
ange
insi
de. T
his
feel
ing
is w
orse
th
an th
e he
at, f
or 1
seem
to b
e a
ston
e.
Hal
l's re
spon
dent
s to
ld h
im th
at a
nger
pro
duce
d "c
ardi
ac s
ensa
tions
, hea
dach
es, n
oseb
leed
, mot
tli
ng o
f fac
e, d
izzi
ness
," te
ars,
sna
rls, o
r "a
com
plet
e in
abili
ty to
voc
aliz
e."
Thi
s ar
ray
of p
hysi
cal r
eact
ions
to a
nger
was
mat
ched
by
the
arra
y o
f cau
ses
of a
nger
. One
cat
egor
y o
f pro
voca
tion
was
wha
t we
mig
ht c
all t
he S
tupi
d In
anim
ate
Obj
ect,
the
idio
t thi
ng th
at p
rodu
ces
123
imm
edia
te (u
sual
Iy b
rief
) fur
y. "
Our
retu
rns
abou
nd,"
wro
te H
alI c
alm
ly, "
in c
ases
of p
ens a
ngri
ly b
roke
n be
caus
e th
ey w
ould
not
wri
te, b
rush
es a
nd p
enci
ls th
row
n th
at d
id n
ot w
ork
we 1
1 , b
utto
nhol
es a
nd
clot
hes
tom
, mir
rors
sm
ashe
d, s
late
s br
oken
, pap
er c
rush
ed, t
oys
dest
roye
d, k
nive
s, s
hoes
, boo
ks
thro
wn
or in
jure
d, e
tc. "
Whe
n in
anim
ate
obje
cts
don'
t beh
ave
as th
ey "
ough
t,"
said
Hal
l-T
her
e is
th
at m
oral
izin
g ou
ght a
gain
--w
e la
pse
mom
enta
rily
into
the
child
's c
onfu
sion
bet
wee
n ob
ject
s tha
t are
al
ive
and
thos
e th
at a
re n
ot, a
nd a
ct a
s if
the
offe
ndin
g br
ick,
pen
, or t
ool w
ere
capa
ble
offe
elin
g ou
r re
sent
men
t. B
y so
doi
ng, n
atur
ally
, we
com
poun
d th
e injury~s w
hen
you
kick
the
vend
ing
mac
hine
th
at h
as s
wal
low
ed y
our q
uart
er, t
here
by b
reak
ing
your
toe.
You
are
not
alo
ne.
But
ano
ther
cat
egor
y o
f ang
er w
as m
ore
cere
bral
, and
con
sist
ed o
f the
idi
osyn
cras
ies,
the
"spe
cial
av
ersi
ons"
that
irri
tate
us.
The
se a
re th
e ha
bits
and
aff
ecta
tions
that
som
e pe
ople
hav
e, n
o m
atte
r how
ni
ce o
r kin
d th
ey a
re o
ther
wis
e, y
ou w
ant t
o th
rottl
e th
em fo
r. O
ne h
undr
ed a
nd th
irty
wom
en s
pont
ane
ousl
y to
ld H
alI
that
ear
ring
s on
men
wer
e ab
horr
ent t
o th
em. (
I w
as s
urpr
ised
that
eno
ugh
men
wer
e w
eari
ng e
arri
ngs
in 1
894
for
this
to b
e o
f suc
h co
ncer
n.)
Men
and
wom
en a
like
repo
rted
irri
tatio
n at
"t
hum
b ri
ngs,
ban
gs, f
rizz
es, s
hort
hai
r in
wom
en, h
at o
n on
e si
de, b
aldn
ess,
too
muc
h st
yle
or je
wel
ry,
sing
le e
ye g
lass
, fla
shy
ties,
hea
vy w
atch
cha
ins,
man
y ri
ngs,
" an
d th
e lik
e.
But
it w
as th
e th
ird
cate
gory
of a
ngry
inci
dent
s, a
nger
cau
sed
by o
ne p
erso
n's
trea
tmen
t of a
noth
er,
that
dre
w th
e gr
eate
st n
umbe
rs a
nd th
e gr
eate
st p
assi
on:
Inju
stic
e. S
tupi
dity
(one
's o
wn
or a
noth
er's
).
Che
ater
s. B
ootli
cker
s (th
e m
odem
equ
ival
ent s
tilI
infu
riat
es, a
lthou
gh th
e te
rm h
as a
dvan
ced
up th
e an
atom
y). I
nsul
ts. C
onde
scen
sion
: "T
o be
trea
ted
as if
! w
ere
of n
o ac
coun
t." O
ne w
oman
sum
mar
ized
th
e lo
t: T
he c
hief
caus
es a
re c
ontr
adic
tion,
esp
ecia
lly if
l am
righ
t; sl
ight
s, e
spec
ialI
y to
my
pare
nts
or fr
iend
s, e
ven
mor
e th
an m
ysel
f; to
hav
e m
y ve
raci
ty q
uest
ione
d; th
e si
ght o
f my
olde
r br
othe
r sm
okin
g w
hen
we
are
poor
; inj
ustic
e, d
islik
e or
hat
e fr
om th
ose
who
fear
to s
peak
ri
ght o
ut; b
eing
tire
d an
d ou
t of s
orts
, etc
. In
the
latte
r moo
d th
e le
ast t
hing
[will
mak
e m
e an
gry]
like
find
ing
book
s ou
t of p
lace
... s
tupi
dity
in p
eopl
e w
ho w
ill n
ot u
nder
stan
d--t
hese
m
ake
me
feel
as
a ca
t mus
t whe
n st
roke
d th
e w
rong
way
. T
he a
nger
s th
at fe
ll in
this
cat
egor
y se
emed
to c
ombi
ne b
oth
phys
ical
reac
tions
, in
all t
heir
star
tling
va
riety
, and
men
tal p
erce
ptio
ns o
f ins
ult,
cond
esce
nsio
n, a
nd th
e lik
e, in
all
of t
heir
star
tling
var
iety
.
124
•
Ap
pen
dix
VI.
Wor
kshe
et
Ang
er
Wha
t si
gns
do y
ou
hav
e w
hen
you
get
ang
ry?
Che
ck t
hose
tha
t app
ly.
_ ch
ange
s of m
uscl
e te
nsio
n _
sco
wli
ng
_
gri
nd
ing
oft
eeth
_
gla
rin
g
_ cl
ench
ing
your
fist
s _
ch
an
ges
ofan
ns a
nd p
ositi
on o
f bod
y _
flus
hing
(ge
tting
red
in f
ace
or b
ody)
_
pali
ng
(los
ing
colo
r)
_g
oo
se b
umps
ch
ills
and
shud
ders
_
pri
ck
ly se
nsat
ions
nu
mbn
ess
_ch
ok
ing
_
twit
chin
g
_sw
eati
ng
_
losi
ng
self
-con
trol
_
feeli
ng
hot
_
feeli
ng
cold
Wha
t kin
ds o
f sit
uati
ons
caus
e yo
u to
bec
ome
angr
y?
Wri
te o
ne o
r tw
o ex
ampl
es.
"Stu
pid
Inan
imat
e O
bjec
ts"
"Spe
cial
Ave
rsio
ns"
"I nj
ust
ice"
Oth
er E
xam
ples
125
App
endi
x V
II.
Wor
kshe
et
Ang
er A
ctio
n P
lan
Wha
t mak
es m
e an
gry?
Lis
t the
top
ten
thin
gs.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Pla
ce a
che
ck a
fter
thos
e th
ings
on
the
list
that
you
can
do
som
ethi
ng a
bout
.
Thi
ngs
I ca
n do
to
redu
ce m
y an
ger:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#1:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#2:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#3:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#4:
W
hat I
Can
Do:
Ang
ry S
itua
tion
#5:
W
hat
I C
an D
o:
127
App
endi
x V
III.
Exc
erpt
G
ivin
g S
orro
w W
ords
b
y C
and
y L
ight
ner
and
Nan
cy H
atha
way
W
arne
r B
ooks
, New
Yor
k, 1
990
The
foll
owin
g ex
cerp
t, c
hapt
er 4
of t
he L
ight
ner-
Hat
haw
ay b
ook,
is in
clud
ed f
or e
duca
tion
al
purp
oses
onl
y, a
s an
exa
mpl
e o
fth
e ki
nds
of m
ater
ials
that
can
be
used
to d
iscu
ss th
is to
pic.
Add
itio
nal
copi
es m
ay b
e re
prin
ted
only
for e
duca
tion
al u
se a
nd a
re n
ot to
be
dupl
icat
ed fo
r pr
ofit
.
129
Ch
apte
r 4.
Fun
eral
s an
d M
ourn
ing
Cu
stom
s
I w
ante
d to
dig
my
son
:\' gr
ave,
The
y w
ould
n't l
et m
e. T
hey
used
mac
hine
s to
do
it.
I w
ould
hav
e h
ad
gre
at sati,~faction i
ll co
uld
have
dug
the
gra
ve.
-RA
Y T
AN
GU
AY
Our
atti
tude
s to
war
d de
ath
and
mou
rnin
g ha
ve c
hang
ed d
ram
atic
ally
in th
e la
st tw
o ce
ntur
ies.
In th
e ni
nete
enth
cen
tury
, peo
ple
thre
w th
emse
lves
into
dra
mat
ic, i
mpa
ssio
ned
mou
rnin
g. T
hey
used
par
asol
s,
hand
kerc
hief
s, s
tatio
nery
, and
eve
n te
a se
ts d
esig
ned
excl
usiv
ely
for m
ourn
ing;
they
wor
e m
ourn
ing
ring
s an
d pe
ndan
ts w
hich
mig
ht e
ncas
e a
lock
of h
air o
fthe
dec
ease
d. T
he e
xces
ses
of t
he a
ge c
an b
e se
en
mos
t viv
idly
in Q
ueen
Vic
toria
, who
mou
rned
for h
er h
usba
nd, A
lber
t, no
nsto
p fr
om h
is d
eath
in 1
861
to h
er o
wn
in 1
901.
For
forty
yea
rs, s
he p
ut o
ut h
is s
havi
ng s
uppl
ies
ever
y m
orni
ng a
nd k
ept a
pic
ture
o
f him
pro
pped
up
on h
is s
ide
of t
he b
ed. N
or w
as h
er e
xten
ded
mou
rnin
g fo
r A
lber
t the
onl
y ex
ampl
e o
f her
sen
se o
f pro
prie
ty a
bout
suc
h m
atte
rs. I
n 18
59, w
hen
her g
reat
-gra
ndm
othe
r die
d, V
icto
ria
was
ou
trag
ed to
lear
n th
at o
ne o
f her
gre
at-g
rand
mot
her's
des
cend
ants
in th
e Pr
ussi
an c
ourt
was
not
dr
esse
d in
mou
rnin
g--d
espi
te th
e fa
ct th
at th
e ch
ild w
as o
nly
five
mon
ths
old.
Lila
c an
d w
hite
, she
sug
ge
sted
, wer
e pr
oper
mou
rnin
g co
lors
for b
abie
s.
Bla
ck, o
f cou
rse,
was
the
pref
erre
d co
lor f
or a
dults
, and
esp
ecia
lly fo
r wom
en, w
ho u
nlik
e m
en
wer
e ex
pect
ed to
be
clad
ent
irel
y in
that
col
or. D
urin
g th
e fir
st y
ear,
wid
ow's
wee
ds w
ere
mad
e o
f dul
l bl
ack
and
acce
ssor
ized
with
vei
ls, h
ats,
and
"w
eepe
r cuf
fs."
Dur
ing
the
seco
nd y
ear,
shin
y bl
ack,
suc
h as
silk
, was
per
mitt
ed. A
fter
war
d, o
ne m
ight
gra
dual
ly lo
ok to
war
d ot
her c
olor
s--b
egin
ning
with
whi
te,
also
a c
olor
ass
ocia
ted
with
mou
rnin
g.
Dur
ing
this
per
iod,
alth
ough
ther
e w
as m
uch
over
t mou
rnin
g, d
eath
was
rom
antic
ized
. Nin
ete
enth
-cen
tury
nov
els
are
fille
d w
ith te
ar-j
erke
r sce
nes
such
as
the
deat
hs o
f Bet
h in
Lit
tle
Wom
en a
nd
of L
ittle
Nel
l in
Dic
kens
' ser
ializ
ed n
ovel
The
Old
Cur
iosi
ty S
hop-
-an
even
t whi
ch c
ause
d w
eepi
ng
crow
ds to
gat
her i
n th
e po
rt o
f New
Yor
k av
idly
aw
aitin
g th
e ne
xt in
stal
lmen
t in
the
futil
e ho
pe th
at
Dic
kens
wou
ldn'
t let
her
die
. In
the
twen
tieth
cen
tury
, the
re w
as a
rebe
llion
aga
inst
the
mau
dlin
ext
rem
e o
f the
Vic
tori
ans.
In
its
plac
e, p
eopl
e em
brac
ed tw
entie
th-c
entu
ry re
pres
sion
. In
an e
ssay
ori
gina
lly p
ublis
hed
in 1
955
and
title
d "T
he P
orno
grap
hy o
f Dea
th,"
Bri
tish
anth
ropo
logi
st G
eoff
rey
Cor
er e
xpla
ined
that
, dur
ing
the
Vic
tori
an
era,
se~
was
unm
entio
nabl
e bu
t "de
ath
was
no
mys
tery
, exc
ept i
n th
e se
nse
that
dea
th is
alw
ays
a m
ys
tery
." B
y th
e m
iddl
e o
f the
twen
tieth
cen
tury
, it w
as th
e ot
her w
ay a
roun
d. "
Whe
reas
cop
ulat
ion
has
be
com
e m
ore
and
mor
e 'm
entio
nabl
e, ' p
artic
ular
ly in
the
Ang
lo-S
axon
soc
ietie
s, d
eath
had
bec
ome
mor
e an
d m
ore
'unm
enti
onab
le,'
" he
wro
te. M
ourn
ing
cost
umes
dis
appe
ared
; hou
ses
wer
e no
long
er d
rape
d in
bla
ck; b
lack
mou
rnin
g w
reat
hs w
ere
no lo
nger
in fa
shio
n (in
par
t bec
ause
, on
the
day
of t
he f
uner
al,
they
pro
vide
d an
eas
y m
ark
for b
urgl
ars)
; dea
th b
ecam
e a
priv
ate
affa
ir.
Tod
ay, a
lthou
gh a
con
side
rabl
e m
ovem
ent i
s con
cern
ed w
ith th
e pr
oces
s of
cons
ciou
s dy
ing
as a
si
gnif
ican
t life
exp
erie
nce,
the
proh
ibiti
on a
gain
st m
ourn
ing
rem
ains
. But
turn
ing
away
from
mou
rnin
g is
ultim
atel
y as
sel
f-de
feat
ing
as d
row
ning
in g
rief.
The
bal
ance
d w
ay to
trav
el th
roug
h gr
ief i
s to
ack
now
led
ge it
s va
ried
em
otio
ns. I
n m
any
way
s, th
at jo
urne
y be
gins
with
the
fune
ral.
The
fune
ral
is th
e fir
st m
ajor
eve
nt o
f the
mou
rner
's li
fe w
ithou
t the
dec
ease
d. M
ore
than
an
un
happ
y ga
ther
ing,
mor
e th
an a
form
aliz
ed f
arew
ell,
the
fune
ral
is th
e pi
vot b
etw
een
befo
re a
nd a
fter.
Lik
e ot
her r
itual
s, it
is a
rite
of p
assa
ge th
at p
rovi
des
a fr
amew
ork
for c
hang
e. A
t the
fun
eral
, if a
t no
othe
r tim
e, th
e aw
esom
e pa
ssag
e fr
om li
fe to
dea
th is
ser
ious
ly a
ddre
ssed
. The
fune
ral
is a
cer
emon
y o
f sep
ara
tion
that
pro
vide
s an
opp
ortu
nity
to e
xpre
ss s
tron
g fe
elin
gs, t
o be
rec
ogni
zed
and
com
fort
ed a
s a
mou
rner
, to
say
fare
wel
l with
str
uctu
re, s
olem
nity
, and
sup
port
, and
to re
alig
n ou
rsel
ves
with
the
com
m
unity
of m
ourn
ers-
the
livin
g. F
or al
l tho
se re
ason
s, th
e fu
nera
l or m
emor
ial s
ervi
ce c
an h
elp
enor
-
131
mou
sly
in th
e pr
oces
s o
f gri
evin
g.
Thi
s is
true
eve
n un
der t
he w
orst
of c
ircu
mst
ance
s, w
hen
deat
h ha
s co
me
in a
n un
timel
y an
d br
utal
fa
shio
n. E
lizab
eth
Pear
son
is a
Sha
kesp
eare
an a
ctre
ss w
hose
bro
ther
Bill
y di
ed in
197
1 w
hen
he w
as in
th
e ar
med
forc
es.
He
was
sho
t in
the
head
at a
mili
tary
bas
e, a
nd th
e de
tails
of h
is d
eath
wer
e ne
ver e
ntir
ely
clea
r: M
y br
othe
r was
a b
uddi
ng h
ippi
e,ju
st g
ettin
g in
to h
is o
wn
thou
ghts
abo
ut th
e w
ar. H
e sh
ould
hav
e be
en a
con
scie
ntio
us o
bjec
tor.
He
was
sho
t in
the
head
, and
they
sai
d it
was
su
icid
e. B
ut w
ere
his
fing
erpr
ints
on
the
gun?
I d
on't
even
kno
w. P
eopl
e I'v
e sp
oken
to
sinc
e ha
ve s
aid,
"Y
our b
roth
er w
as fr
agge
d, s
hot b
y on
e o
f his
ow
n m
en. W
ithou
t a d
oubt
. Y
our b
roth
er g
ot w
aste
d."
It w
as m
y m
othe
r's c
hoic
e to
hav
e a
mili
tary
fune
ral
and
it as
to
unde
d m
e be
caus
e I f
elt i
t was
the
mili
tary
that
kill
ed h
im. I
was
ang
ry a
t the
dec
isio
n.
But
in re
tros
pect
, I fe
el d
iffe
rent
ly. T
here
was
pro
toco
l and
that
com
fort
ed m
e. F
amily
an
d cl
ose
frie
nds
sat i
n ro
ws
unde
r a c
anop
y an
d fa
ced
a br
and-
new
alu
min
um c
offi
n w
ith a
fla
g dr
aped
ove
r it.
The
re w
as a
thir
teen
-gun
sal
ute.
It w
as o
utra
geou
sly
dram
atic
-whi
ch I
thin
k he
lped
, fir
st b
ecau
se th
ere
was
no
deny
ing
that
this
boy
was
dea
d, a
nd s
econ
d be
ca
use
I kne
w h
e w
as g
oing
to b
e pr
oper
ly la
id to
res
t. T
here
's n
o w
ay to
kno
w w
hat e
lem
ents
of a
fune
ral w
ill m
ake
an e
mot
iona
l im
pact
. The
mos
t rea
ssu
ring
asp
ect o
f a fu
nera
l may
be
the
num
ber o
fpeo
ple
who
app
ear;
it m
ay b
e w
ords
sai
d by
the
min
is
ter o
r rab
bi o
r a e
ulog
y sp
oken
by
a fr
iend
; or i
t may
be
a sm
all,
sym
bolic
ges
ture
that
pro
vide
s em
otio
nal r
elea
se. T
hat's
som
ethi
ng L
ee S
helto
n no
ted
afte
r his
eig
hty-
year
-old
fath
er w
as k
illed
in a
n au
to
mob
ile c
rash
: I don
't pl
ace
a lo
t of c
rede
nce
in ri
tual
. But
at m
y fa
ther
's fu
nera
l, on
e pa
rt o
fthe
cer
em
ony
did
affe
ct m
e. I
wen
t out
of m
y w
ay to
toss
the
first
bit
ofso
il o
nto
his
coff
in. T
ossi
ng
that
han
dful
of s
oil o
nto
the
coff
in w
as li
ke th
e fin
al g
ood-
bye.
It b
roug
ht e
very
thin
g in
to
such
focu
s at
that
mom
ent b
ut it
was
free
ing
ther
eafte
r. A
t Car
i's fu
nera
l, I w
as e
spec
ially
touc
hed
whe
n he
r cla
ssm
ates
file
d pa
st th
e ca
sket
and
one
by
one
plac
ed a
sin
gle
rose
on
top.
Tha
t ges
ture
told
me
that
her
dea
th w
ould
be
mou
rned
by
man
y. O
ver
thre
e hu
ndre
d pe
ople
wer
e th
ere;
my
sorr
ow w
as s
hare
d. T
his
is o
ne o
f the
gre
at b
enef
its o
ffun
eral
s:
they
pla
ce th
e de
ath
in a
soci
al c
onte
xt b
y gi
ving
us
an o
ppor
tuni
ty to
mou
rn to
geth
er, a
nd in
so
doin
g,
they
hel
p us
to fe
el l
ess
alon
e.
CU
LT
UR
AL
AN
D R
EL
IGIO
US
TR
AD
ITIO
NS
Whi
le d
eath
is u
nive
rsal
, way
s o
f dea
ling
with
it a
re a
s va
ried
as
the
lang
uage
s pe
ople
spe
ak a
nd th
e w
ays
they
thin
k. S
ome
cultu
res,
suc
h as
thos
e o
f the
Med
iterr
anea
n, e
ncou
rage
str
ong
emot
iona
l rea
cti
onsa
t fun
eral
s; o
ther
s fa
vor t
he s
tiff
uppe
r lip
. The
Bal
ines
e, w
ho a
re n
ot k
now
n to
cry
at a
ll, a
t lea
st in
pu
blic
, act
ually
enc
oura
ge la
ught
er a
t fun
eral
s by
dro
ppin
g th
e co
ffin
into
a cr
eek-
--1>
omet
imes
mor
e th
an o
nce.
The
Sam
oans
hav
e an
ext
rem
ely
brie
f per
iod
of m
ourn
ing,
whe
reas
in G
reec
e, w
idow
s ar
e ex
pect
ed to
wea
r bla
ck fo
r the
rest
of t
heir
live
s. I
n So
uthe
ast A
sia,
em
otio
nal r
eact
ions
are
con
side
red
perf
ectly
acc
epta
ble
in p
ublic
but
in p
riva
te g
riev
ers
are
expe
cted
to m
aint
ain
som
e co
ntro
l. T
he E
nglis
h ge
nera
lly ta
ke th
e op
posi
te a
ppro
ach.
Wha
t fee
ls n
atur
al to
one
gro
up m
ay s
eem
dee
ply
unna
tura
l to
anot
her;
wha
t is
mea
nt to
be
com
fort
ing
in o
ne tr
aditi
on m
ay, i
n th
e co
ntex
t of a
noth
er, a
ppea
r dis
re
spec
tful.
In th
e U
nite
d St
ates
, sty
les o
f mou
rnin
g va
ry w
idel
y. T
he fu
nera
l of a
jazz
mus
icia
n in
New
Orl
eans
w
ith it
s sy
ncop
ated
par
ade
rese
mbl
es v
ery
little
the
subd
ued
fare
wel
l giv
en th
eir l
oved
one
s by
the
Qua
kers
of P
enns
ylva
nia.
At t
he fu
nera
l and
dur
ing
the
peri
od o
f mou
rnin
g th
at fo
llow
s, a
beh
avio
r con
si
dere
d ut
terl
y na
tura
l and
impo
rtan
t by
one
grou
p, s
uch
as w
eari
ng b
lack
or v
isiti
ng th
e gr
ave,
may
st
rike
ano
ther
gro
up a
s un
nece
ssar
y. A
mon
g A
fro-
Am
eric
ans,
fune
rals
are
occ
asio
ns fo
r lar
ge f
amily
132
• •
and
com
mun
ity g
athe
ring
s, a
nd a
ttend
ance
is g
iven
eno
nnou
s em
phas
is, e
ven
for d
ista
nt re
latio
ns. B
ut
afte
r the
fun
eral
, acc
ordi
ng to
res
earc
h co
nduc
ted
in 1
974
by D
avid
K. R
eyno
lds
and
Ric
hard
A.
Kal
ish
com
pari
ng e
thni
c gr
oups
in th
e U
nite
d St
ates
, Afr
o-A
mer
ican
s pu
t the
leas
t em
phas
is o
n vi
sitin
g th
e gr
ave
of a
dec
ease
d sp
ouse
. Am
eric
ans
of J
apan
ese
and
Mex
ican
des
cent
, on
the
othe
r han
d, o
ver
whe
lmin
gly
thO
Ugh
t it w
as im
porta
nt to
vis
it fr
eque
ntly
. E
ven
with
in th
e co
ntex
t ofa
sing
le e
thni
c he
rita
ge, p
atte
rns
can
vary
mar
kedl
y as
fam
ilies
dev
elop
th
eir o
wn
styl
es. L
isa
Cur
ran
cont
rast
ed th
e w
ays
the
two
side
s o
f her
fam
ily--
-bot
h Ir
ish
Cat
ho
lic
cope
with
dea
th:
I've
hear
d w
ild s
tori
es a
bout
wak
es fr
om o
ne s
ide
of m
y fa
mily
. My
grea
t-gr
andf
athe
r ow
ned
a ho
tel t
hat h
ad a
salo
on a
nd m
y U
ncle
Tim
my
told
a s
tory
in w
hich
a d
ead
body
so
meh
ow e
nded
up
prop
ped
up in
the
salo
on. Y
ou h
ear s
tori
es li
ke th
at. A
s fa
r as
I kno
w
they
nev
er a
ctua
lly h
appe
ned.
But
eve
ryon
e dr
inks
a lo
t and
it b
ecom
es a
par
ty.
On
the
othe
r sid
e of
the
fam
ily, t
he w
akes
are
mor
bid,
dow
ntro
dden
, and
dep
ress
ing,
fil
led
with
gui
lt an
d re
mor
se. W
hen
my
gran
dpar
ents
on
that
sid
e of
the
fam
ily d
ied,
we
stay
ed a
t the
fun
eral
hom
e fo
r sev
eral
day
s. S
ince
my
Unc
le D
enny
was
a p
ries
t, ev
eryb
ody
up to
the
bish
op s
aid
the
fune
ral m
ass.
The
re w
ere
may
be fi
ftee
n pe
ople
-def
inat
ely
holie
r th
an th
ou.
The
goa
l in
ever
y er
a an
d in
eve
ry c
ultu
re is
the
sam
e: to
pro
vide
a p
rope
r con
clus
ion
to a
life
and
to
begi
n th
e pr
oces
s of
livi
ng w
ithou
t the
dec
ease
d. T
hose
task
s ar
e ge
nera
lly c
onsi
dere
d to
fall
into
the
real
m o
f rel
igio
n. W
heth
er th
e se
rvic
e ta
kes
plac
e in
a c
hurc
h, s
ynag
ogue
, or f
uner
al h
ome
(as
is in
cr
easi
ngly
the
case
), th
e so
lem
nity
of t
he p
roce
edin
gs, t
he re
ligio
us tr
appi
ngs,
and
the
pres
ence
of c
lerg
y un
ders
core
the
grav
ity o
fthe
even
t. Pr
otes
tant
cus
tom
s va
ry, d
epen
ding
on
the
deno
min
atio
n. G
ener
ally
, the
re is
a b
rief
serv
ice
at th
e ch
urch
or f
uner
al h
ome
that
incl
udes
a re
adin
g fr
om th
e B
ible
, pra
yers
, org
an m
usic
, pos
sibl
y th
e si
ngin
g o
f hym
ns, a
nd a
fune
ral s
enno
n or
med
itatio
n. S
elec
tions
of p
oetr
y or
pro
se a
re s
omet
imes
read
. The
ca
sket
may
be
open
or c
lose
d, d
epen
ding
on
the
deno
min
atio
n, a
nd th
ere
may
or m
ay n
ot b
e a
eulo
gy.
At t
he g
rave
, the
re is
a b
rief
com
mitt
al s
ervi
ce. A
fter
war
d, a
s in
oth
er g
roup
s, p
eopl
e us
ually
gat
her t
oge
ther
for a
mea
l. In
Cat
holic
ism
, the
rite
s id
eally
beg
in p
rior
to d
eath
, whe
n th
e dy
ing
pers
on re
ceiv
es th
e fin
al s
acra
m
ents
. (W
hen
deat
h is
sud
den,
the
prie
st is
pen
nitt
ed to
giv
e pe
nanc
e an
d ex
trem
e un
ctio
n up
to s
ever
al
hour
s af
ter d
eath
.) T
he fu
nera
l its
elf i
s co
mpr
ised
of t
hree
par
ts: t
he w
ake,
the
fune
ral m
ass,
and
the
grav
esid
e se
rvic
e. T
he w
ake,
whi
ch o
ccur
s th
e ni
ght b
efor
e th
e fu
nera
l, is
cond
ucte
d in
the
pres
ence
of
the
body
, whi
ch is
in a
n op
en c
aske
t. H
eld
eith
er in
the
fune
ral p
arlo
r or i
n th
e m
ourn
er's
hom
e, th
e w
ake
serv
ice
may
incl
ude
psal
ms,
pra
yers
, a ro
sary
, and
a sh
ort h
omily
on
the
mea
ning
ofl
ife,
dea
th,
and
resu
rrec
tion.
For
man
y ho
urs,
fri
ends
and
rel
ativ
es c
ome
to o
ffer
con
dole
nces
, to
pray
, and
to v
iew
th
e bo
dy; i
ndee
d, th
e te
nn "
view
ing"
is s
omet
imes
use
d in
stea
d o
f "w
ake.
" T
he n
ext d
ay, t
here
is a
fu
nera
l or r
equi
em m
ass.
The
cof
fin
is c
lose
d an
d co
vere
d w
ith a
whi
te p
all u
pon
whi
ch a
cro
ss m
ight
be
plac
ed. H
oly
wat
er, i
ncen
se, a
nd c
andl
es a
ccen
t the
sol
emni
ty o
fthe
hig
hly
stru
ctur
ed s
ervi
ce, w
hich
em
phas
izes
the
conc
ept o
fthe
new
life
the
dece
ased
has
fou
nd w
ith G
od.
Aft
er th
e fu
nera
l mas
s, th
e "f
inal
com
men
datio
n an
d fa
rew
ell"
take
s pl
ace
eith
er in
chu
rch
or a
t the
gr
ave
site
, whi
ch is
ble
ssed
in a
dvan
ce. I
t use
d to
be
that
the
fam
ily w
ould
avo
id w
atch
ing
the
cask
et
bein
g lo
wer
ed in
to th
e ea
rth.
Tod
ay, t
he te
nden
cy is
to s
tay,
so
that
the
real
ity o
fthe
dea
th c
anno
t be
deni
ed.
In J
udai
sm, b
uria
l tak
es p
lace
imm
edia
tely
-wit
hin
twen
ty-f
our h
ours
, ifp
ossi
ble.
The
sim
ple,
w
oode
n co
ffin
is c
lose
d, a
nd th
ere
are
few
flo
wer
s. A
t the
fun
eral
, whi
ch is
a sh
ort o
ne in
clud
ing
pray
ers
and
a eu
logy
, mem
bers
oft
he im
med
iate
fam
ily a
re g
iven
a b
lack
ribb
on w
hich
is th
en c
ut to
indi
cate
th
eir g
rief
l33
Aft
er th
e fu
nera
l, th
ere
is a
bri
ef se
rvic
e at
the
cem
eter
y du
ring
whi
ch th
e ca
sket
is lo
wer
ed in
to th
e gr
ound
and
the
mou
rner
s sh
ovel
dir
t on
it. "
Shov
elin
g th
e di
rt is
an
incr
edib
ly h
ealin
g th
ing
to d
o. A
lth
ough
I w
ould
nev
er re
quir
e it,
I e
ncou
rage
it v
ery
stro
ngly
bec
ause
I fin
d th
at th
e ac
tual
act
of b
uryi
ng
is th
e be
ginn
ing
ofth
e ac
know
ledg
men
t tha
t thi
s ho
rrib
le th
ing
has
happ
ened
and
the
wor
ld is
for
ever
di
ffer
ent,"
sta
tes
Rab
bi L
aura
Gel
ler,
dire
ctor
of H
illel
at t
he U
nive
rsity
of S
outh
ern
Cal
ifor
nia.
Fol
low
ing
the
buri
al, f
rien
ds a
nd re
lativ
es g
athe
r for
a tr
aditi
onal
"m
eal o
f con
dole
nce.
" Pe
rhap
s the
mos
t dis
tinct
ive
aspe
ct o
f the
Jew
ish
trad
ition
is n
ot th
e fu
nera
l but
the
mou
rnin
g pe
riod
th
at fo
llow
s, w
hen
mou
rner
s re
turn
hom
e fo
r sev
en d
ays
of "
sitti
ng sh
iva"
(shi
vam
eans
"se
ven"
). T
radi
tio
nally
, the
y lig
ht a
can
dle
that
bum
s fo
r sev
en d
ays,
sit
on w
oode
n st
ools
or b
ench
es, a
nd re
ceiv
e vi
si
tors
. All
activ
ities
cea
se e
xcep
t for
one
: mou
rnin
g.
The
Isla
mic
relig
ion
spec
ifie
s fiv
e ri
tual
s co
ncem
ing
deat
h: w
ashi
ng th
e bo
dy in
a c
erem
onia
l man
ner;
w
rapp
ing
the
entir
e bo
dy in
cle
an, p
refe
rabl
y w
hite
, clo
th; p
raye
r; th
e fu
nera
l its
elf,
duri
ng w
hich
mus
ic
and
cryi
ng a
re f
orbi
dden
; and
bur
ial.
If po
ssib
le, t
he b
ody
is b
urie
d di
rect
ly in
the
grou
nd, w
ithou
t a c
as
ket,
and
with
the
face
tur
ned
tow
ard
Mec
ca. A
sto
ne, a
few
bri
cks,
or s
ome
soil
can
be p
ut u
nder
the
head
, but
not
hing
· els
e is
per
mitt
ed in
the
grav
e. A
fter
war
d, p
eopl
e br
ing
food
to th
e fa
mily
. A
ccor
ding
to I
slam
, the
re is
one
God
, kno
wn
as A
llah,
and
man
y pr
ophe
ts, o
f who
m M
oham
med
is
the
last
. "M
osle
ms b
elie
ve A
llah
is a
ll an
d H
e ca
n de
cide
whe
n m
an h
as to
live
and
whe
n ou
r life
sho
uld
be e
nded
," s
tate
s A
bdal
Mag
eed
Nas
ouef
, vic
e-co
ordi
nato
r oft
he Is
lam
ic C
ente
r in
Los
Ang
eles
. D
eath
is e
xpec
ted
to b
e m
et w
ith e
quan
imity
. Con
sequ
ently
, the
mou
rnin
g pe
riod
is s
hort
. For
a
thre
e-da
y pe
riod
aft
er th
e fu
nera
l, kn
own
as A
zah,
mou
rner
s ac
cept
con
dole
nces
. Aft
er th
at, t
alki
ng
abou
t the
dec
ease
d w
ith th
e m
ourn
ers
is n
ot e
ncou
rage
d. "
It is
rem
indi
ng h
im o
f his
sad
ness
," N
asou
ef
expl
ains
. "S
o af
ter t
hree
day
s w
e sh
ould
retu
rn to
nor
mal
life
." (T
he s
ole
exce
ptio
n oc
curs
whe
n a
hus
band
die
s, in
whi
ch c
ase
the
wif
e is
exp
ecte
d to
sta
y ho
me
for t
hree
mon
ths
and
ten
days
.) M
ourn
ers
are
not s
uppo
sed
to b
ecom
e so
imm
erse
d in
thei
r gri
efth
at it
dis
trac
ts th
em fr
om th
eir r
elat
ions
hip
with
G
od. B
uddh
ists
and
Hin
dus
belie
ve th
at li
fe, d
eath
, and
rebi
rth
are
part
oft
he sa
me
cont
inuu
m, w
aves
on
the
ocea
n o
f exi
sten
ce. T
he b
ody
dies
; con
scio
usne
ss re
mai
ns. T
he tr
aditi
onal
pur
pose
oft
he fu
nera
l, w
hich
incl
udes
cha
ntin
g, p
raye
rs, t
he r
eciti
ng o
f sac
red
text
s, a
nd e
ulog
ies,
is to
hel
p th
e de
ceas
ed a
dju
st to
the
afte
r-de
ath
stat
e an
d pr
epar
e fo
r re
birt
h. A
t Bud
dhis
t fun
eral
s, th
e pr
iest
spe
aks
dire
ctly
to
the
dece
ased
. The
fune
ral i
s fo
llow
ed b
y a
fort
y-ni
ne-d
ay p
erio
d du
ring
whi
ch th
e pe
rson
who
die
d th
eore
tical
ly c
ompl
etes
the
jour
ney
from
dea
th to
rebi
rth. D
urin
g th
at ti
me,
mou
rner
s re
peat
pra
yers
in
tend
ed to
eas
e th
e tr
ansi
tion.
T
he p
hilo
soph
y an
d pr
actic
es o
f Eas
tern
relig
ions
hav
e be
com
e in
crea
sing
ly a
ttrac
tive
to W
este
rner
s du
ring
the
last
seve
ral d
ecad
es. R
on H
amm
es, a
Pen
nsyl
vani
a ar
tist,
spen
t a m
onth
at a
Bud
dhis
t mon
as
tery
aft
er h
is w
ife,
edi
tor T
obi S
ande
rs, d
ied
in a
car
cra
sh. H
e to
ld u
s ab
out s
ome
of h
is e
xper
ienc
es
ther
e:
The
y of
fere
d a
serv
ice
for T
obi.
The
re w
as a
n al
tar w
ith a
Bud
dha,
flo
wer
s (w
hich
rep
rese
nt e
arth
), w
ater
, inc
ense
(rep
rese
ntin
g ai
r), a
nd fi
re. S
o it
was
qui
te b
eaut
iful
. The
y al
so
wro
te a
poe
m a
nd g
ave
it to
me
on a
scro
ll w
ith lo
vely
cal
ligra
phy
One
of t
he th
ings
I e
xper
ienc
ed a
t the
mon
aste
ry w
as, y
ou c
an g
et s
uppo
rt, b
ut th
ey
don'
t soo
the.
Ift
here
is s
uch
a th
ing
as th
e da
rk n
ight
of t
he s
oul,
I've
bee
n th
roug
h it.
I
coul
d ha
rdly
spe
ak. W
hen
I was
sitt
ing
Zaz
en, I
was
in p
hysi
cal a
gony
bec
ause
the
tend
ons
in m
y le
gs w
ere
not u
sed
to s
ittin
g fo
r tw
o-ho
ur st
retc
hes.
The
less
on w
as n
ot to
run
fro
m
pain
. It h
ad a
n im
pact
that
car
ried
me
over
. Not
to b
e a
born
-aga
in B
uddh
ist,
but i
t com
es
dow
n to
the
fact
that
with
eve
ry g
reat
relig
ious
mys
tic o
r sea
rche
r, w
heth
er it
was
the
Bud
dh
a or
whe
ther
it w
as C
hris
t, at
the
hear
t of t
heir
teac
hing
was
thei
r em
path
y fo
r the
suf
fer
ing
of m
anki
nd a
nd th
eir s
earc
h, n
ot fo
r an
esca
pe fr
om it
, bec
ause
ther
e is
n't a
n es
cape
134
•
•
from
it, b
ut fo
r a w
ay to
go
beyo
nd th
at. T
his
is w
hat s
ittin
g Z
azen
is a
ll ab
out i
n m
y lif
e: n
ot
calm
, not
rela
xatio
n, b
ut th
e is
sue
of d
eath
, life
, suf
feri
ng. B
enea
th s
ittin
g is
that
issu
e. I
n si
ttin
g is
the
reso
lutio
n.
BU
RIA
L C
UST
OM
S T
hrou
ghou
t his
tory
, peo
ple
have
bur
ied
thei
r dea
d in
vas
tly d
iffe
rent
way
s. F
ifty
thou
sand
yea
rs a
go,
the
Nea
nder
thal
s ru
bbed
the
bodi
es o
f the
ir d
ead
with
red
ochr
e an
d bu
ried
them
in th
e fe
tal p
ositi
on.
The
Egy
ptia
ns m
umm
ifie
d th
e de
ceas
ed (i
nclu
ding
thei
r dea
d ca
ts) a
nd, i
n th
e ca
se o
f the
pha
raoh
s,
erec
ted
the
mos
t ela
bora
te a
nd p
erm
anen
t tom
bs th
e w
orld
has
eve
r see
n. T
he S
cand
inav
ian
Vik
ings
pu
t the
ir d
ead
on b
oats
, set
them
afi
re, a
nd s
aile
d th
em o
ut to
sea
. The
Pla
ins
Indi
ans
plac
ed th
e co
rpse
on
a h
igh
woo
den
plat
form
or i
n th
e br
anch
es o
f a tr
ee a
nd o
nly
late
r bur
ied
the
skel
eton
in a
sac
red
buri
al g
roun
d. T
he im
puls
e to
trea
t the
bod
y in
a sp
ecia
l ritu
aliz
ed w
ay s
eem
s to
be
univ
ersa
l; bu
t not
hin
g el
se is
. In
som
e pl
aces
in E
urop
e w
here
land
is s
carc
e, fo
r in
stan
ce, b
uria
l plo
ts a
re n
ot y
ours
for
eter
nity
. The
y ar
e te
mpo
rary
resi
denc
es, a
nd a
fter
a w
hile
the
bone
s ar
e re
mov
ed a
nd th
e sp
ace
is f
reed
fo
r som
eone
els
e's
use.
I ft
his
soun
ds d
istu
rbin
g, it
mig
ht b
e be
caus
e w
e're
not
acc
usto
med
to th
e id
ea.
Nik
olas
Ste
fani
dis,
Ph.
D.,
a co
unse
lor a
t the
Cen
ter f
or L
ivin
g in
Wes
t Hol
lyw
ood,
Cal
ifor
nia,
de
scri
bed
his
expe
rien
ce w
hen
he r
etur
ned
to h
is n
ativ
e G
reec
e to
pay
his
res
pect
s to
his
dea
d gr
and
mot
her:
On
the
Gre
ek is
land
whe
re I
gre
w u
p, b
ecau
se o
f spa
ce li
mita
tions
, we
exhu
me
the
bone
s o
f the
dec
ease
d. T
here
's a
n in
tere
stin
g rit
ual t
hat g
oes
with
it. T
hey
clea
n th
e bo
nes
with
red
win
e an
d ro
sem
ary.
The
y co
unt e
very
bon
e an
d pu
t the
m in
a b
ox w
ith th
e pe
rson
's
nam
e, th
e da
te o
f bir
th, a
nd th
e da
te o
f dea
th. T
hen
they
hav
e a
mem
oria
l ser
vice
. And
then
yo
u pu
t the
bon
es to
res
t in
a co
mm
unal
mau
sole
um, a
big
bui
ldin
g w
here
all
the
bone
s ar
e st
ored
in b
oxes
. Som
e pe
ople
put
pic
ture
s o
f the
dec
ease
d on
the
boxe
s. W
hen
I wen
t ba
ck to
Gre
ece
I wen
t in
and
foun
d m
y gr
andm
othe
r's s
kull,
and
I fe
lt as
in
had
see
n he
r ag
ain.
It w
as a
goo
d ex
peri
ence
. Fo
r mos
t peo
ple
toda
y, th
e ch
oice
is b
etw
een
buri
al a
nd c
rem
atio
n. T
he c
hief
bene
fit o
f bur
ial,
and
it is
an
impo
rtan
t one
, is
that
it p
rovi
des
a sa
fe p
lace
to m
ourn
, a p
lace
that
bel
ongs
to th
e de
ceas
ed. "
I vi
sit m
y hu
sban
d's
grav
e ev
ery
year
on
his
birt
hday
," s
aid
New
Yor
ker A
nna
Shap
iro.
"I p
rune
the
shru
b I p
lant
ed th
ere,
and
I c
lear
aw
ay a
ny w
eeds
that
mig
ht b
e gr
owin
g, a
nd I
feel
as in
am
taki
ng
care
of h
im. I
t's a
con
nect
ion-
-a p
hysi
cal c
onne
ctio
n."
The
re c
an b
e gr
eat s
olac
e in
that
. C
rem
atio
n is
the
pref
erre
d m
ode
in m
any
cultu
res,
incl
udin
g In
dia,
Jap
an, a
nd E
ngla
nd, w
here
it h
as
beco
me
so p
opul
ar si
nce
the
tum
oft
he c
entu
ry th
at it
now
is th
e us
ual c
hoic
e. I
n 19
89, a
ccor
ding
to
Will
iam
Hoc
ker,
form
er p
resi
dent
oft
he N
atio
nal F
uner
al D
irec
tors
Ass
ocia
tion,
cre
mat
ion
was
cho
sen
appr
oxim
atel
y 15
per
cent
oft
he ti
me
in th
e U
nite
d S
tate
s--a
nd in
Sou
ther
n C
alif
orni
a, o
ne d
eath
in
thre
e re
sults
in c
rem
atio
n. W
hat o
nce
seem
ed a
n ex
otic
ritu
al is
bec
omin
g co
mm
onpl
ace.
A
lthou
gh c
rem
atio
n ca
n be
less
exp
ensi
ve th
an b
uria
l, m
ost p
eopl
e w
ho c
hoos
e cr
emat
ion
do s
o fo
r de
eply
per
sona
l rea
sons
that
hav
e lit
tle to
do
with
cos
t. So
me
peop
le, d
istu
rbed
by
the
idea
of t
he b
ody
grad
ually
dec
ompo
sing
, as
it do
es w
ith b
uria
l, fin
d cr
emat
ion
aest
hetic
ally
less
dis
tres
sing
. Cre
mat
ion
may
als
o be
app
ealin
g be
caus
e o
f the
man
y w
ays
of d
ispe
nsin
g th
e as
hes.
Alth
ough
they
may
be
kept
in
a ce
met
ery
vaul
t kno
wn
as a
col
umba
rium
, the
y m
ay a
lso
be s
catte
red
at s
ea o
r in
a ga
rden
. The
idea
of
the
body
bei
ng re
turn
ed to
the
eart
h in
this
man
ner-
-pos
sibl
y in
a sp
ot th
e de
ceas
ed p
erso
n lo
ved
-br
ings
com
fort
to m
any
peop
le.
Cre
mat
ion
has
draw
back
s to
o. P
eopl
e so
met
imes
hop
e th
at b
ecau
se c
rem
atio
n is
so
quic
k an
d fi
nal,
it w
ill s
hort
en th
e gr
ievi
ng p
roce
ss.lt
will
not
. Ano
ther
dif
ficu
lty c
an a
rise
whe
n th
e re
mai
ns a
re n
ot
kept
in a
spe
cial
spo
t. W
hen
they
are
sca
ttere
d ov
er a
larg
e ar
ea, t
here
is n
o m
arke
r, no
pla
que,
not
hm
g--n
ow o
r eve
r.
135
For t
hat r
easo
n, th
e fin
al r
estin
g pl
ace
shou
ld b
e ch
osen
with
car
e. T
here
's n
othi
ng w
rong
with
the
ocea
n, b
ut if
it do
esn'
t hav
e pe
rson
al a
ssoc
iatio
ns fo
r you
, the
situ
atio
n o
f "no
pla
ce to
go"
may
pro
ve
dist
urbi
ng. C
hoos
ing
an a
cces
sibl
e sp
ot c
an a
llevi
ate
that
pro
blem
. Sol
omon
Ber
g bu
ried
his
son
's a
shes
am
ong
the
tree
s an
d bu
shes
in h
is fr
ont y
ard
and
then
mar
ked
the
spot
with
a s
tatu
e tu
cked
in a
mon
g th
e fo
liage
. Mar
cy D
e Je
sus
buri
ed h
er h
usba
nd's
rem
ains
in th
e ba
ckya
rd, w
here
I h
elpe
d he
r pla
nt a
n ol
iv
e tr
ee. A
nd m
ore
peop
le th
an y
ou m
ight
exp
ect k
eep
the
ashe
s in
side
the
hous
e, a
t lea
st fo
r a w
hile
. Sa
ra a
nd P
aul G
risa
nti p
ut th
e tin
y bo
x co
ntai
ning
thei
r bab
y's
ashe
s in
the
larg
e cl
oset
that
thei
r old
er
child
ren
had
exci
tedl
y tr
ansf
orm
ed in
to a
bri
ghtly
col
ored
nur
sery
--a
room
the
baby
nev
er sa
w. J
oni
Scha
ap p
ut h
er so
n's
rem
ains
on
the
man
tel i
n th
e liv
ing
room
, whe
re it
is s
urro
unde
d by
ath
letic
trop
hies
an
d pi
ctur
es o
fthe
blo
nd te
enag
er. T
he u
rge
to c
reat
e a
spot
dev
oted
sol
ely
to th
e de
ceas
ed is
a d
eepl
y hu
man
one
. In
Japa
n, m
ourn
ers
ofth
e B
uddh
ist a
nd S
hint
o re
ligio
ns ty
pica
lly c
reat
e ho
useh
old
alta
rs
that
incl
ude
the
ashe
s an
d ph
otog
raph
s o
f the
dec
ease
d al
ong
with
oth
er o
bjec
ts s
uch
as ri
ce a
nd fl
ow
ers.
Cre
mat
ion
not o
nly
perm
its a
wid
e ch
oice
ofl
ocat
ion,
it a
lso
allo
ws
the
mou
rner
s to
cre
ate
that
spo
t in
a v
arie
ty o
f way
s w
hen
they
're re
ady.
With
a s
udde
n de
ath
in p
artic
ular
, tha
t can
be
a be
nefi
t. M
any
peop
le, i
nclu
ding
mys
elf,
like
the
idea
of d
onat
ing
orga
ns to
peo
ple
who
requ
ire
tran
spla
nts.
I
was
una
ble
to d
o so
with
Car
i bec
ause
her
bod
y ha
d be
en s
o se
riou
sly
inju
red
that
it w
as im
poss
ible
, an
d in
any
cas
e, it
did
n't o
ccur
to m
e to
ask
unt
il al
mos
t tw
elve
hou
rs a
fter
she
die
d. B
y th
en, i
t was
too
late
. Org
ans
need
to b
e ha
rves
ted
(yes
, tha
t's th
e w
ord
they
use
) im
med
iate
ly.
Fina
lly, t
here
is th
e op
tion
of d
onat
ing
the
body
to "
scie
nce.
" T
hat,
too,
is a
dec
isio
n th
at m
ust b
e m
ade
quic
kIy-
-and
gen
eral
ly w
ith th
e kn
owle
dge
that
it w
as w
hat t
he d
ecea
sed
wan
ted.
As
a ru
le,
whe
n th
e bo
dy is
don
ated
to a
scho
ol o
r res
earc
h fa
cilit
y, m
ourn
ers
hold
a m
emor
ial s
ervi
ce w
ithou
t the
bo
dy ra
ther
than
a fu
nera
l. B
ut it
is a
lso
poss
ible
to h
ave
a fu
nera
l in
the
pres
ence
oft
he b
ody
if th
e fu
ne
ral d
irec
tor i
s im
med
iate
ly n
otif
ied
the
body
has
bee
n do
nate
d. T
he u
nder
take
r can
then
pre
pare
the
body
in th
e m
anne
r spe
cifi
ed b
y th
e in
stitu
tion,
and
aft
er th
e fu
nera
l, it
will
be
sent
ther
e.
TH
E C
ASK
ET
: OPE
N O
R C
LO
SED
? A
noth
er q
uest
ion
that
may
ari
se is
whe
ther
to h
ave
an o
pen
or a
clo
sed
cask
et. E
xper
ts in
the
fiel
d o
f dea
th a
nd d
ying
alm
ost u
nive
rsal
ly fa
vor o
pen
cask
et. "
The
re's
a re
al c
atha
rsis
invo
lved
, a k
ind
of r
ele
ase,
" sa
id W
illia
m H
ocke
r. "A
fter
the
first
tim
e th
ey s
ee th
e bo
dy, t
he te
nsio
n is
bro
ken
and
it's
ver
y th
erap
eutic
. With
som
e pe
ople
, it's
not
hel
pful
. It h
as to
do
with
per
sona
lity
diff
eren
ces.
But
ove
rwhe
lm
ingl
y, I
wou
ld s
ay it
's b
ette
r for
a p
erso
n to
see
."
The
reas
on to
see
the
body
is n
ot th
at it
will
mak
e yo
u fe
el b
ette
r. It
cert
ainl
y di
d no
t mak
e m
e fe
el
bette
r to
see
my
daug
hter
in a
cas
ket.
But
it d
id h
elp
me
to a
ccep
t the
fin
ality
of h
er d
eath
. See
ing
the
body
will
not
sto
p m
ourn
ers
from
yea
rnin
g fo
r the
ir lo
ved
one
or d
ream
ing
that
the
dece
ased
is s
till a
live.
B
ut w
ith a
n op
en c
aske
t, gr
ieve
rs a
re le
ss li
kely
to h
arbo
r fan
tasi
es in
volv
ing
mis
take
n id
entit
y or
love
d on
es w
ande
ring
aro
und
with
am
nesi
a. S
eein
g th
e bo
dy d
ispe
ls a
ny li
nger
ing
doub
ts, f
or n
o m
atte
r how
sk
illed
the
unde
rtak
er is
with
mak
eup
and
wax
, whe
n yo
u se
e th
e bo
dy, y
ou k
now
. A p
erso
n yo
u lo
ve is
de
ad. T
hat's
the
real
ity.
Som
e pe
ople
wor
ry th
at s
eein
g th
e bo
dy w
ill b
e a
horr
ible
exp
erie
nce;
they
wan
t to
rem
embe
r the
de
ceas
ed a
s vi
bran
t and
hea
lthy
and
they
are
afr
aid
that
the
posi
tive
imag
es w
ill b
e ob
liter
ated
by
the
final
vis
ion.
But
oft
en, t
he w
ay th
e bo
dy lo
oks
in th
e ca
sket
can
act
ually
be
an im
prov
emen
t ove
r how
th
e pe
rson
look
ed w
hile
ill.
Nur
se th
anat
olog
ist S
herr
y G
ibso
n o
f Lou
isvi
lle, K
entu
cky,
des
crib
ed h
er
expe
rien
ce w
hen
her m
othe
r die
d:
Whe
n m
y m
othe
r die
d, s
he w
as fo
rty-
two
year
s ol
d an
d I w
as tw
enty
-six
. I to
ok c
are
of h
er th
roug
h he
r illn
ess.
She
was
a v
ery
beau
tiful
wom
an, a
ver
y pr
oud
wom
an, a
nd w
hen
she
was
in th
e ho
spita
l, sh
e ha
d tu
bes
ever
ywhe
re. S
he lo
st a
ll di
gnity
and
she
lost
so m
uch
wei
ght a
nd lo
oked
terr
ible
. I w
as in
the
med
ical
pro
fess
ion
and
knew
all
abou
t tha
t kin
d o
f
136
•
stuf
f, bu
t it w
as a
wfu
l for
that
to b
e th
e la
st im
age
of m
y m
othe
r in
my
min
d.
I cou
ldn'
t bel
ieve
it w
hen
I wen
t to
the
fune
ral
hom
e. S
he lo
oked
so g
ood.
Tha
t was
the
wom
an I
rem
embe
r. N
o, it
was
n't t
he s
ame.
Dea
d is
dea
d an
d th
ere
is n
o w
ay th
at a
dea
d bo
dy lo
oks
like
it is
aliv
e. B
ut s
he c
erta
inly
look
ed b
ette
r tha
n sh
e lo
oked
whe
n I l
eft h
er a
t th
e ho
spita
l the
nig
ht sh
e di
ed. A
nd th
at w
as s
o co
mfo
rtin
g to
me.
Se
eing
the
body
pro
vide
s a
final
opp
ortu
nity
to g
aze
at th
e fa
ce o
fthe
per
son
you
love
, to
touc
h th
em, t
o sa
y go
od-b
ye in
thei
r pre
senc
e. I
t can
als
o br
ing
a gr
eat s
ense
of r
elie
fbec
ause
at l
ast t
he p
er
son
look
s at
pea
ce. B
ooks
elle
r Dia
ne 1
. Will
iam
s o
f Ven
ice,
Cal
ifor
nia,
spe
nt m
any
nigh
ts in
the
hosp
ital
with
her
eig
ht-y
ear-
old
cous
in w
ho w
as d
ying
of c
ance
r. Sh
e de
scri
bes
her r
egre
t at n
ot s
eein
g he
r co
usin
's b
ody
afte
r dea
th:
Lau
ren
had
been
puf
fy a
nd s
he h
ad n
o ha
ir a
nd s
he lo
oked
aw
ful,
but a
s sh
e ap
pr
oach
ed d
eath
, she
got
her
eye
lash
es b
ack
and
then
she
got
thin
aga
in a
nd h
er h
air g
rew
ba
ck j e
t-bl
ack
and
curl
y-a
dif
fere
nt c
olor
, a d
iffe
rent
text
ure.
She
look
ed lu
min
ous,
bea
utif
ul, a
nd p
erfe
ct. B
ut s
he w
as fu
ll o
f rag
e an
d yo
u co
uld
read
her
pai
n in
her
face
. Aft
er sh
e di
ed, m
y au
nt s
aid
it w
as th
e m
ost e
xtra
ordi
nary
thin
g: h
er w
hole
bod
y re
laxe
d an
d th
ere
was
no
pain
and
her
face
was
cle
ar. I
'm so
sor
ry I
didn
't se
e he
r. Se
eing
the
body
doe
sn't
have
to o
ccur
at t
he fu
nera
l. In
deed
, man
y re
ligio
ns o
ppos
e op
en-c
aske
t fu
nera
ls. M
any
peop
le to
day
are
terr
ifie
d by
the
thou
ght o
f see
ing,
no
less
touc
hing
, a d
ead
body
. But
ke
ep in
min
d th
at th
roug
hout
mos
t of h
isto
ry, p
eopl
e di
ed a
t hom
e, a
nd fa
mily
mem
bers
wou
ld h
ave
natu
rally
see
n th
e pe
rson
aft
er d
eath
. See
ing
the
body
, whe
ther
it's
in a
cas
ket o
r on
the
deat
hbed
, can
pr
ovid
e bo
th a
jolt
of r
ealit
y an
d a
degr
ee o
f acc
epta
nce.
It w
on't
be a
won
derf
ul m
omen
t, bu
t in
the
mon
ths
and
year
s to
com
e, it
usu
ally
pro
ves
to b
e be
nefi
cial
. It
also
use
d to
be
cust
omar
y fo
r mou
rner
s to
dre
ss th
e bo
dy. A
lthou
gh th
is is
muc
h le
ss c
omm
on
toda
y, it
doe
s oc
cur.
Whe
n m
y m
othe
r die
d, h
er fr
iend
Dot
ty W
ard,
who
is a
nur
se (a
nd h
ence
was
not
af
raid
of t
he b
ody)
, wan
ted
to d
ress
her
and
bru
sh h
er h
air.
Man
y pa
rent
s w
hose
infa
nts
have
die
d ha
ve
foun
d so
lace
in d
ress
ing
thei
r dea
d ch
ild fo
r the
bur
ial.
And
with
in tr
aditi
onal
Jud
aism
, the
re is
a sp
ecia
l gr
oup
calle
d th
e H
evra
Kad
isha
who
se fu
nctio
n is
to p
repa
re th
e bo
dy fo
r bur
ial.
Rab
bi G
elle
r exp
lain
s,
"The
not
ion
of a
mor
tuar
y th
at y
ou ju
st se
nd th
e bo
dy to
is n
ot a
n es
sent
ial p
art o
f Jew
ish
trad
ition
. You
w
ould
vol
unte
er to
be
a m
embe
r oft
he H
evra
Kad
isha
soc
iety
, and
you
r job
wou
ld b
e to
was
h th
e bo
dy o
f dea
d pe
ople
in a
ritu
aliz
ed w
ay. T
he b
ody
is c
over
ed s
o th
at o
nly
the
part
that
's b
eing
was
hed
is u
ncov
ered
. It
's v
ery
resp
ectf
ul o
f the
bod
y. I
read
an
artic
le in
a m
agaz
ine
calle
d L
ilit
h by
a n
ontr
adi
tiona
l wom
an w
ho jo
ined
the
Hev
ra K
adis
ha o
f her
non
trad
ition
al s
ynag
ogue
, and
she
talk
s ab
out w
hat
an in
cred
ibly
impo
rtan
t exp
erie
nce
and
priv
ilege
it is
to p
repa
re a
bod
y to
be
buri
ed."
TH
E C
ON
TE
MPO
RA
RY
FU
NE
RA
L
The
pri
mar
y tr
end
in f
uner
als
toda
y is
tow
ard
pers
onal
izat
ion.
Peo
ple
wan
t fun
eral
s th
at re
flec
t the
lif
e of
the
depa
rted
. In
the
past
, tha
t has
n't a
lway
s ha
ppen
ed. I
n a
surv
ey c
ondu
cted
in th
e 19
60s
amon
g 16
9 Pr
otes
tant
min
iste
rs o
f var
ious
den
omin
atio
ns, o
nly
39 p
erce
nt a
ctua
lly re
ferr
ed to
the
de
ceas
ed b
y na
me
duri
ng th
e fu
nera
l ser
vice
s, a
ccor
ding
to P
aul I
rion
, aut
hor o
f Fun
eral
: V
estig
e o
r V
alue
? In
man
y fu
nera
ls, t
he lo
fty
ques
tions
ofl
ife
and
deat
h an
d lif
e af
ter d
eath
may
hav
e be
en a
ddr
esse
d, b
ut th
e pe
rson
lyin
g th
ere
in th
e ca
sket
was
bar
ely
men
tione
d. T
he fu
nera
l may
hav
e su
ccee
ded
as a
sta
ged
ritu
al, b
ut a
s a
cere
mon
y m
eant
to c
omfo
rt th
e m
ourn
ers
and
to p
ut th
e lif
e o
f the
dec
ease
d in
to a
con
text
, it f
aile
d m
iser
ably
. (T
he s
ame
mig
ht b
e sa
id fo
r a b
izar
re re
cent
inve
ntio
n: th
e dr
ive-
in fu
ne
ral.
You
pay
you
r res
pect
s to
the
dece
ased
with
out h
avin
g to
unb
uckl
e yo
ur sa
fety
bel
t.)
Dep
erso
naliz
ing
deat
h m
akes
it e
asie
r for
eve
ryon
e ex
cept
the
mou
rner
s to
bea
r. E
ven
the
cle
rgy
w
ho m
ay n
ever
hav
e m
et th
e de
ceas
ed o
r the
fam
ily o
fthe
dec
ease
d--m
ay fi
nd it
far e
asie
r to
prea
ch
abou
t dea
th in
som
e gr
and
theo
retic
al s
ense
than
to th
ink
abou
t an
actu
al h
uman
bei
ng w
hose
life
is
137
over
. "T
he fi
rst t
ime
I dea
lt w
ith a
per
son
who
was
gri
evin
g, I
was
a d
eaco
n fr
esh
out o
f sch
ool a
nd I
fe
lt un
prep
ared
," s
aid
the
vene
rabl
e H
arts
horn
Mur
phy,
Jr.,
oft
he E
pisc
opal
Arc
hdio
cese
of L
os A
nge
les.
"M
any
of u
s co
pe w
ith th
at s
ituat
ion
by h
idin
g be
hind
pra
yers
. In
one
resp
ect,
it's
hea
lthy,
in th
at it
tr
ies
to p
ut d
eath
in a
larg
er p
ictu
re. I
n an
othe
r way
, it's
hid
ing.
I w
ould
put
on
this
aur
a o
f the
pri
est a
nd
so w
as u
ntou
ched
by
the
pain
."
For m
ourn
ers,
that
pai
n is
unav
oida
bly
pres
ent.
Pers
onal
izin
g th
e fu
nera
l or b
eing
invo
lved
in it
s pl
anni
ng c
an o
ffer
a w
ay to
ass
uage
som
e o
f tha
t pai
n by
doi
ng s
omet
hing
for t
he d
ecea
sed.
Bei
ng in
vo
lved
faci
litat
es m
ourn
ing
by tu
rnin
g th
e gr
ievi
ng in
to a
n ac
tive
rath
er th
an a
pas
sive
pro
cess
. H
owev
er, m
any
mou
rner
s ar
e fa
r too
gri
ef-s
tric
ken
at th
e tim
e of
the
fune
ral t
o do
any
thin
g at
all.
G
ettin
g dr
esse
d is
har
d; w
alki
ng to
the
fron
t doo
r is
hard
; say
ing
"hel
lo"
is h
ard.
For
tuna
tely
, the
re a
re
man
y sm
all w
ays
of p
erso
naliz
ing
the
serv
ice.
Cho
osin
g yo
ur o
wn
mus
ic h
as th
at e
ffec
t. M
y fa
ther
love
d th
e bi
g-ba
nd m
usic
of t
he f
ortie
s an
d fif
ties,
and
that
's w
hat w
e pl
ayed
at h
is f
uner
al. R
eadi
ng fr
om a
fa
vori
te b
ook
can
also
turn
a st
anda
rd s
ervi
ce in
to s
omet
hing
intim
ate
and
mov
ing.
At C
ari's
fune
ral,
we
read
from
The
Lit
tle
Pri
nce.
Oth
er m
ourn
ers
have
cho
sen
sele
ctio
ns ra
ngin
g fr
om T
.S. E
liot
's F
our
Qua
rtet
s to
poe
try
wri
tten
by th
e de
ceas
ed.
Hav
ing
a eu
logy
is a
n ex
celle
nt w
ay to
mak
e su
re th
e de
ceas
ed is
ref
lect
ed in
the
serv
ice.
"It
's im
po
rtan
t to
talk
abo
ut th
e pe
rson
," s
tate
s A
rchd
eaco
n M
urph
y. "
We
didn
't us
ed to
do
eulo
gies
. Tha
t's
chan
ging
. Peo
ple
wan
t to
mar
k th
e lif
e th
at h
as p
asse
d."
Mou
rner
s of
ten
feel
inc
apab
le o
f giv
ing
a eu
logy
them
selv
es, w
hich
is o
ne re
ason
why
mos
t of t
he
time,
the
cler
gy d
oes
it. B
ut y
ou m
ight
ask
a fr
iend
or r
elat
ive,
som
eone
who
had
a re
al r
elat
ions
hip
with
th
e de
ceas
ed, t
o sp
eak
a fe
w w
ords
. Tho
se p
erso
nal r
emin
isce
nces
are
goo
d to
hea
r at t
hat t
ime.
Ifi
t's
poss
ible
, you
mig
ht s
peak
a fe
w w
ords
you
rsel
f, as
Dia
ne 1
. Will
iam
s di
d at
her
cou
sin'
s fu
nera
l: O
n th
e da
y sh
e di
ed, L
aure
n's
pare
nts
aske
d m
e to
spe
ak. I
t sca
red
me-
-I'v
e ne
ver
spok
en li
ke th
at b
efor
e. I
talk
ed a
bout
how
Lau
ren
and
I bec
ame
frie
nds
over
a b
ox o
f cr
ayon
s an
d ho
w s
he li
ked
grue
som
e m
ovie
s, a
nd e
very
one
laug
hed.
I ta
lked
abo
ut th
e th
ree
days
Lau
ren
and
I spe
nt to
geth
er w
hen
my
brot
her g
ot m
arri
ed.
I was
gla
d I s
poke
bec
ause
mos
t of t
he ti
me,
nob
ody
wan
ts to
hea
r you
talk
abo
ut
som
eone
who
's d
ead.
It w
as a
reli
efto
say,
this
is w
hy I
love
d he
r, th
is is
why
I'm
goi
ng to
m
iss
her s
o m
uch.
Aft
erw
ard,
ther
e w
as a
n aw
kwar
d sp
ace
and
then
peo
ple
star
ted
com
ing
up a
nd in
trod
ucin
g th
emse
lves
to m
e an
d th
anki
ng m
e. I
t mad
e m
e fe
el g
ood.
A
t man
y fu
nera
ls to
day,
fri
ends
and
fam
ily m
embe
rs a
re in
vite
d to
sha
re a
necd
otes
abo
ut th
e de
ce
ased
. The
pic
ture
that
em
erge
s ca
n be
trem
endo
usly
mov
ing.
A
noth
er w
ay to
per
sona
lize
the
serv
ice
is to
inco
rpor
ate
phot
ogra
phs
into
the
surr
ound
ings
, pos
sibl
y by
pla
cing
them
aro
und
the
fune
ral c
hape
l or a
t the
gra
ve s
ite d
urin
g th
e bu
rial
ser
vice
. Or s
et u
p a
mem
orab
ilia
tabl
e fil
led
with
pho
togr
aphs
and
obj
ects
rem
inis
cent
oft
he d
ecea
sed-
thin
gs th
at c
an h
elp
the
livin
g fin
d w
ays
to ta
lk a
bout
the
dead
. T
echn
olog
y ha
s al
so a
ffec
ted
the
fune
ral
indu
stry
, and
som
e m
ay b
e su
rpri
sed
that
its
impa
ct h
as
been
bot
h po
sitiv
e an
d pe
rson
al. W
hen
my
frie
nd C
arol
Sha
mha
rt's
hus
band
, Val
Hum
phre
ys, d
ied
of
canc
er, s
he p
laye
d a
cass
ette
tape
in w
hich
he
talk
ed a
bout
his
impe
ndin
g de
ath.
I h
ardl
y kn
ew th
e m
an,
but I
sob
bed,
as
did
ever
yone
els
e.
Vid
eo d
ispl
ays
are
anot
her r
ecen
t inn
ovat
ion.
"A
vid
eo s
cree
n is
plac
ed in
fro
nt o
fthe
fune
ral
chap
el,"
stat
es W
illia
m H
ocke
r. "P
ictu
res o
f the
per
son
who
die
d, b
egin
ning
with
thei
r you
th a
nd c
on
tinui
ng th
roug
h th
eir m
arri
age
and
into
thei
r old
age
, are
fla
shed
on
the
scre
en in
ters
pers
ed w
ith s
cene
s fr
om th
e pe
rson
's a
rea
or h
is s
tate
. Not
hing
is s
aid
but m
usic
is p
laye
d. I
t can
be
terr
ibly
touc
hing
and
be
autif
ul. "
Pr
obab
ly th
e m
ost c
reat
ive
fune
rals
are
thos
e he
ld fo
r peo
ple
who
se d
eath
s w
ere
antic
ipat
ed, a
llow
in
g th
e dy
ing
pers
on to
mak
e sp
ecia
l req
uest
s an
d th
e m
ourn
ers
to p
lan
a pe
rson
aliz
ed fu
nera
l. In
som
e
138
• •
case
s, th
e re
ques
ts a
re v
ery
smal
l. Fo
r ins
tanc
e, H
arry
Ros
enzw
eig,
who
was
cha
irm
an o
fthe
Rep
ubli
can
Part
y in
Ari
zona
for o
ver f
ifte
en y
ears
, was
sur
pris
ed w
hen
he re
ad h
is w
ife
Sand
y's
will
aft
er sh
e di
ed. "
She
had
pic
ked
out e
ight
ver
y cl
ose
wom
en f
rien
ds to
be
her p
allb
eare
rs,"
he
said
. "T
he m
orti
cian
sai
d he
's n
ever
see
n th
at."
O
ccas
iona
lly, p
eopl
e ar
e ex
trao
rdin
arily
inve
ntiv
e. S
hort
ly b
efor
e hi
s ow
n de
ath,
Los
Ang
eles
art
ist
Ben
jam
in C
ole
atte
nded
the
fune
ral o
f a c
lose
frie
nd in
New
Orl
eans
who
die
d o
f AID
S: "
He
was
cre
m
ated
. His
frie
nd E
mily
mix
ed h
is a
shes
with
glit
ter a
nd c
onfe
tti a
nd e
very
one
got a
smal
l box
. The
n th
ey
had
a pa
rade
to th
e M
issi
ssip
pi R
iver
and
they
thre
w h
im in
." I
t's c
erta
inly
not
a tr
aditi
onal
ser
vice
; but
be
caus
e it
refl
ects
so
muc
h ab
out t
he d
ecea
sed,
it m
ust h
ave
been
incr
edib
ly m
ovin
g. A
nd s
urel
y th
ose
who
par
ticip
ated
mus
t hav
e fe
lt bo
th c
onne
cted
to th
e de
ceas
ed a
nd b
ound
to e
ach
othe
r.
ME
MO
RIA
L S
ER
VIC
ES
Man
y cu
lture
s, r
ecog
nizi
ng h
ow a
goni
zing
the
first
few
wee
ks o
f mou
rnin
g ar
e al
so h
old
anot
her c
er
emon
y a
few
wee
ks a
fter
the
fune
ral.
Tra
ditio
nally
, for
exa
mpl
e, th
e G
reek
Ort
hodo
x ha
ve a
fort
y-da
y ce
rem
ony,
as
do m
any
Mus
lims.
Cat
holic
ism
mar
ks th
e fir
st th
irty
day
s w
ith a
"M
onth
's M
ind
Mas
s,"
alth
ough
thos
e ar
e no
t as
prev
alen
t as
they
onc
e w
ere.
Our
dis
com
fort
with
dea
th h
as c
ause
d us
to tu
m
away
from
man
y o
f the
rel
igio
us o
bser
vanc
es th
at tr
aditi
onal
ly p
rovi
ded
a st
ruct
ure
for g
riev
ing
and
a w
ay o
f rel
easi
ng s
ome
of t
hose
feel
ings
. Se
cula
r mem
oria
l ser
vice
s, h
owev
er, o
ften
acc
ompl
ish
the
sam
e go
al o
f rec
ogni
zing
that
initi
al p
erio
d. W
eeks
or e
ven
mon
ths
afte
r the
fun
eral
, the
se s
ervi
ces
prov
ide
addi
tiona
l opp
ortu
nitie
s to
mak
e pe
rson
al g
estu
res,
to a
ckno
wle
dge
the
loss
, and
to c
onne
ct w
ith o
ther
mou
rner
s. "
I wen
t to
a m
emor
ial
serv
ice
for
Sam
Pec
kinp
ah,"
sta
tes
actr
ess
Mar
iette
Har
tley.
"Ja
son
Rob
ards
and
I h
ad n
ever
met
be
fore
, and
we
sobb
ed in
eac
h ot
her's
arm
s. I
t was
an
exte
nsio
n o
f our
live
s. M
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
are
vita
lly
impo
rtan
t bec
ause
you
're
surr
ound
ed b
y fr
iend
s, a
nd w
ords
are
spo
ken,
and
you
can
say
goo
d-by
e w
ith w
itnes
ses.
" B
ecau
se m
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
are
less
rigi
dly
stru
ctur
ed th
an fu
nera
ls, t
hey
can
be c
reat
ed in
a fo
rm th
e de
ceas
ed m
ight
hav
e ap
prec
iate
d. W
hen
twen
ty-n
ine-
year
-old
Ben
jam
in C
ole
died
of A
IDS,
his
be
reav
ed fr
iend
s he
ld a
mem
oria
l for
him
. One
oft
hem
told
us
abou
t tha
t eve
nt:
I atte
nded
a p
arty
for
Ben
jam
in. I
t was
dif
ficu
lt be
caus
e pe
ople
wer
e dr
unk
and
emo
tiona
l and
wee
ping
. The
bes
t par
t was
that
a fr
iend
of h
is m
ade
an in
cred
ible
alta
r, co
vere
d w
ith m
irro
rs a
nd c
andl
es a
nd, i
n th
e m
iddl
e, B
en's
han
d-pa
inte
d je
ans j
acke
t. Pe
ople
wer
e as
ked
to b
ring
pho
togr
aphs
and
item
s th
at b
elon
ged
to h
im a
nd to
pla
ce th
em o
n th
e al
tar.
Whe
n w
e le
ft, w
e w
ere
each
invi
ted
to ta
ke s
omet
hing
as
a m
emen
to.
Mem
oria
l ser
vice
s ca
n be
sm
all g
athe
ring
s at
whi
ch p
eopl
e si
mpl
y sh
are
mem
orie
s. "
I atte
nded
a
mem
oria
l ser
vice
for a
n ar
t tea
cher
who
had
ver
y de
vote
d st
uden
ts,"
a L
os A
ngel
es b
iogr
aphe
r sai
d. "
A
form
er s
tude
nt, a
col
leag
ue, a
chi
ldho
od f
rien
d-a
n o
ld m
an h
e gr
ew u
p w
ith-
-and
his
wif
e al
l spo
ke.
His
rec
ent a
rtw
ork
had
been
hun
g on
the
wal
ls, a
nd th
ere
was
a s
tron
g se
nse
of c
ompl
etio
n an
d w
hole
ne
ss a
bout
them
. The
ser
vice
real
ly w
as a
cel
ebra
tion
of h
is li
fe."
Hea
ring
that
stor
y re
min
ded
me
of t
he
one
regr
et w
e ha
d at
my
fath
er's
fune
ral,
whi
ch w
as th
at w
e ha
dn't
disp
laye
d hi
s ph
otog
raph
s. H
e w
as
a w
onde
rful
pho
togr
aphe
r. It
wou
ld h
ave
been
nic
e to
see
his
pic
ture
s at
the
fune
ral,
and
I bel
ieve
he
wou
ld h
ave
liked
the
gest
ure.
W
hen
the
dece
ased
had
a v
ery
wid
e ne
twor
k o
f fri
ends
and
acq
uain
tanc
es, m
emor
ial s
ervi
ces
can
prov
ide
a m
ore
publ
ic k
ind
of m
ourn
ing.
A fe
w m
onth
s af
ter h
is w
ife d
ied,
Ron
Ham
mes
rece
ived
a c
all
from
the
publ
ishi
ng h
ouse
whe
re s
he h
ad w
orke
d, a
skin
g hi
m to
take
par
t in
plan
ning
a m
emor
ial s
er
VIce
: I a
rran
ged
for a
ser
vice
to b
e he
ld a
t Bar
nard
Col
lege
, whe
re T
obi w
ent t
o sc
hool
. She
w
as v
ery
fond
of B
arna
rd. T
ryin
g to
do
it in
the
styl
e sh
e w
ould
hav
e lik
ed, I
had
it c
ater
ed
139
with
lots
of h
er fa
vori
te f
oods
. I o
rder
ed c
ham
pagn
e an
d ca
viar
. I g
ot in
touc
h w
ith a
you
ng
wom
an fr
om th
e M
anha
ttan
Scho
ol o
f Mus
ic w
ho c
ame
and
play
ed a
ll th
e w
onde
rful
son
gs
from
the
sixt
ies t
hat T
obi l
oved
so m
uch.
The
re w
ere
a fe
w s
peak
ers,
incl
udin
g re
pres
enta
tiv
es fr
om B
arna
rd a
nd B
anta
m, a
frie
nd o
fTob
i's w
ho h
as s
ince
die
d o
f AID
S, a
nd T
obi's
w
ritin
g te
ache
r, Jo
y C
hu, w
ho d
ied
only
a m
onth
or t
wo
late
r, an
d T
obi '
s si
ster
. I m
ade
a to
ast t
o T
obi '
s lif
e. O
ver t
hree
hun
dred
peo
ple
wer
e th
ere,
whi
ch I
felt
was
a w
onde
rful
tr
ibut
e to
Tob
i. Pe
ople
wan
ted
to k
now
wha
t to
do, a
nd I
ask
ed th
at c
ontr
ibut
ions
be
mad
e to
the
Am
eric
an F
ound
atio
n fo
r A
IDS
Res
earc
h. T
hat w
as th
e w
ay s
he w
ould
hav
e w
ante
d it.
AN
NIV
ER
SAR
Y R
ITU
AL
S T
he fi
rst a
nniv
ersa
ry o
fthe
dea
th is
reco
gniz
ed a
s im
port
ant i
n m
any
cultu
res.
The
loss
is s
till s
o fr
esh,
the
grie
f so
stro
ng. Y
et th
e de
sire
to m
ove
away
from
gri
evin
g an
d in
to th
e en
joym
ent o
flif
e is
als
o pr
esen
t. F
or th
at re
ason
, the
end
of t
he f
irst
yea
r is
ofte
n m
arke
d by
a ri
tual
obs
erva
nce
of s
ome
kind
. A
mon
g W
este
rn re
ligio
ns, J
udai
sm is
mos
t spe
cific
in it
s gu
idel
ines
for m
ourn
ing.
Eac
h da
y du
ring
th
e fi
rst y
ears
, mou
rner
s re
cite
the
Kad
dish
, a p
raye
r in
prai
se o
flif
e. O
n th
e an
nive
rsar
y, k
now
n as
Y
ahrz
eit,
a ca
ndle
is li
t and
the
Kad
dish
is s
aid.
Aft
erw
ard,
it is
no
long
er sp
oken
dai
ly. "
The
folk
trad
itio
n is
that
the
soul
now
find
s pe
ace,
" R
abbi
Lau
ra G
elle
r exp
lain
s. "
Ano
ther
way
to s
ee it
is th
at th
e so
ul n
eeds
you
to le
t go
of i
t. It
's n
ot ju
st fo
r the
mou
rner
s th
at th
ere
need
s to
be
a tim
e w
hen
mou
rnin
g is
less
inte
nse,
but
for t
he d
ead
pers
on a
s w
ell."
Fro
m th
en o
n, K
addi
sh is
spo
ken
only
on
cert
ain
high
ho
ly d
ays
and
on th
e an
nive
rsar
y-fo
r the
res
t of y
our l
ife. "
As
long
as
you'
re a
live
to s
ay K
addi
sh,
you'
re e
ffec
tivel
y sa
ying
in a
ritu
al w
ay th
at th
is re
latio
nshi
p co
ntin
ues,
" R
abbi
Gel
ler s
tate
s. "
It's
dif
fer
ent n
ow, b
ut it
nev
er e
nds.
" T
he fi
rst a
nniv
ersa
ry is
n't t
he o
nly
one
that
hur
ts. "
Gri
ef re
turn
s w
ith th
e re
volv
ing
year
," w
rote
the
poet
Per
cy B
yssh
e Sh
elle
y, a
nd h
e di
dn't
just
mea
n th
e fir
st y
ear;
it h
appe
ns e
very
yea
r for
a lo
ng, l
ong
time.
Tha
t's w
hy m
any
cultu
res
and
relig
ions
set
asi
de o
ne d
ay in
the
year
whe
n m
ourn
ers
can
take
spe
ci
al n
ote
ofth
e lo
sses
they
hav
e su
ffer
ed. I
n Ju
dais
m, s
peci
al s
ervi
ces
acco
mpa
ny Y
om K
ippu
r, th
e D
ay
of A
tone
men
t, th
e m
ost i
mpo
rtan
t day
in th
e Je
wis
h ye
ar. I
n C
atho
licis
m, o
n A
ll S
ouls
' Day
, Nov
embe
r 2,
the
nam
es o
ftho
se w
ho h
ave
died
are
read
alo
ud a
nd m
ourn
ers
light
can
dles
. Pos
sibl
y th
e m
ost e
xte
nsiv
e ye
arly
ritu
al is
a v
aria
tion
of A
ll S
ouls
' Day
: the
Mex
ican
Day
oft
he D
ead.
Pri
or to
the
actu
al
day,
peo
ple
crea
te a
ltars
at h
ome
feat
urin
g ph
otog
raph
s, fl
ower
s, c
akes
, can
dles
, and
the
favo
rite
foo
ds
of t
he d
ecea
sed.
Mem
ento
mor
i, in
clud
ing
little
toy
skel
eton
s doi
ng e
very
thin
g fr
om p
layi
ng in
mar
iach
i ba
nds
to g
ettin
g m
arri
ed, a
re U
biqu
itous
. On
the
Day
of t
he D
ead,
peo
ple
spen
d th
e ni
ght a
t the
cem
et
ery,
dan
cing
, eat
ing,
dri
nkin
g, a
nd o
ffer
ing
cand
y sk
ulls
and
cof
fins
to th
eir d
ead
rela
tives
and
frie
nds.
T
he id
ea is
not
to d
wel
l on
deat
h in
a m
orbi
d w
ay b
ut to
dem
ystif
y it,
to a
llow
mou
rner
s to
thin
k ab
out
deat
h in
a g
ener
al w
ay, t
o re
mem
ber t
he p
artic
ular
dea
ths
in th
eir o
wn
lives
, to
grie
ve, a
nd to
mov
e on
. T
hose
ritu
al a
ckno
wle
dgm
ents
ser
ve th
e ps
ycho
logi
cal p
urpo
se o
f rec
ogni
zing
the
cont
inue
d gr
ief
that
mou
rner
s m
ay fe
el. T
hose
feel
ings
are
mos
t lik
ely
to a
rise
on
the
anni
vers
ary:
the
anni
vers
ary
syn
drom
e ca
n ev
en a
ffec
t peo
ple
who
do
not c
onsc
ious
ly re
mem
ber t
he d
ate.
Som
e ye
ars
are
mor
e di
ffi
cult
than
oth
ers.
One
yea
r whe
n I w
as f
eelin
g pa
rtic
ular
ly s
ad a
bout
Car
i and
was
far f
rom
the
cem
eter
y w
here
she
is b
urie
d, m
y fr
iend
Mic
hael
Bis
sonn
ette
and
I b
ough
t a b
ouqu
et o
f ros
es, w
alke
d to
the
beac
h, a
nd to
ssed
them
into
the
ocea
n. S
ymbo
lic g
estu
res
like
that
can
pro
vide
pow
erfu
l rel
ease
and
a
grea
t dea
l of c
omfo
rt th
at g
oes
beyo
nd w
hat y
ou m
ight
gai
n fr
om c
ryin
g on
you
r bed
(alth
ough
that
's
also
som
ethi
ng y
ou s
houl
d al
low
you
rsel
fto
do).
By
actin
g on
you
r sor
row
, you
beg
in to
rel
ease
it.
140
Bib
liog
raph
y
Allo
di F
. T
he c
hild
ren
of v
ictim
s o
f pol
itica
l per
secu
tion
and
tort
ure:
A p
sych
olog
ical
stu
dy o
f a
Lat
in A
mer
ican
ref
ugee
com
mun
ity.
Inte
rnat
iona
l Jou
rnal
~rMental H
ealt
h 19
89,
18: 3
-15.
A
ltsh
uler
JL
, Rub
le O
N.
Dev
elop
men
tal
chan
ges
in c
hild
ren'
s aw
aren
ess
of s
trat
egie
s fo
r co
ping
wit
h un
cont
roll
able
str
ess.
C
hild
Dev
elop
men
t 19
89, 6
0: 1
337-
1349
. A
ntho
ny S
. Th
e C
hild
ren
s Dis
cove
ry ~fDeath.
New
Yor
k: H
arco
urt,
Bra
ce,
1940
. A
pple
baum
DR
, B
ums
GL
. U
nexp
ecte
d ch
ildh
ood
deat
h: P
ost-
trau
mat
ic s
tres
s di
sord
er in
su
rviv
ing
sibl
ings
and
par
ents
. Jo
urna
l ~r C
lini
cal
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ld P
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20.
Arm
swor
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W, H
olad
ay M
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he e
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chol
ogic
al tr
aum
a on
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ldre
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d ad
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rnal
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th o
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Jou
rnal
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l Hea
lth
1983
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18
Ban
d E
B,
Wei
sz J
R.
How
to f
eel
bett
er w
hen
it fe
els
bad:
C
hild
ren'
s pe
rspe
ctiv
es o
n co
ping
w
ith
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ess.
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evel
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enta
l Psy
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Chi
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mon
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ld v
icti
m o
f sex
ual
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nal ~
r
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19
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37.
__
-',
Con
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The
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icti
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he v
icti
m's
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reli
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on o
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or C
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ldre
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udy ~rth
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__
-,'
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know
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t you
are
not
sup
pose
d to
kno
w a
nd f
eelin
g w
hat y
ou a
re n
ot s
uppo
sed
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eel.
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n Jo
urna
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d-W
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fter
the
eart
h sh
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Chi
ldre
n's
stre
ss s
ympt
oms
6-8
mon
ths
afte
r a
disa
ster
. A
dvan
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ehav
ior
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earc
h an
d Th
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y 19
91,1
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Bra
ssar
d M
R,
Ger
mai
n R
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art
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Psy
chol
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al M
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ent ~r
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ums
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ills
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Cha
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ren'
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omen
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d T
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__
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' __
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Wit
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The
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view
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mm
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__
----
' __
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the
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__
---'
__
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Chi
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_
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' W
eb.
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Yor
k, N
Y:
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per
and
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, 19
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154
Wor
king
Wit
h G
riev
ing
Chi
ldre
n A
fter
V
iole
nt D
eath
: E
valu
atio
n o
f Gu
ideb
ook
Ple
ase
com
plet
e an
d m
ail t
o:
Nat
iona
l Org
aniz
atio
n fo
r V
ictim
Ass
ista
nce
1757
Par
k R
oad,
N.W
., W
ashi
ngto
n, D
.C.
2001
0 O
r fa
x to
: 20
2-46
2-22
55
Ple
ase
circ
le o
ne o
nly,
usi
ng a
rat
ing
of o
ne (
poor
) to
fiv
e (e
xcel
lent
).
Ov
eral
l E
valu
atio
n o
f Gui
debo
ok:
2 3
4
Sub
stan
tive
Co
nte
nt o
fth
e G
uide
book
: 2
3 4
Com
men
ts:
Org
aniz
atio
n o
fth
e G
uide
book
: 2
3 4
Com
men
ts:
Act
ivit
ies
Rec
omm
ende
d:
2 3
4 C
omm
ents
:
Use
fuln
ess
of G
uide
book
to Y
ou/Y
our J
ob
: 2
3 4
Com
men
ts:
My
expe
ctat
ion
for
this
Gui
debo
ok w
as:
fulf
ille
d un
fulf
ille
d
Wha
t di
d yo
u fi
nd m
ost
bene
fici
al?
Wha
t di
d yo
u fi
nd l
east
ben
efic
ial?
Wha
t im
prov
emen
ts w
ould
you
mak
e?
5 5 5 5 5
Wha
t ad
diti
onal
inf
orm
atio
n/tr
aini
ng r
elat
ed t
o w
orki
ng w
ith
grie
ving
chi
ldre
n w
ould
be
help
ful
to y
ou?
Wha
t el
se w
ould
you
lik
e us
to
know
? U
se r
ever
se i
fmo
re s
pace
is
need
ed.
Num
ber
of y
ears
of e
xper
ienc
e in
vic
tim
ass
ista
nce
or in
wor
king
with
gre
ivin
g ch
ildr
en f
ield
: 0-
3 3-
6 6-
9 9+
Th
ank
you
for
hel
ping
us!
155
·U.S
. G
over
nmen
t Prin
ting
Offi
ce:
1997
·417
·738
1743
13
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