Word clutterand readability

Word clutter

Word clutter means using more words than necessary to convey a written message.Why is this bad?• It wastes space, of course.• But more than that, it makes a story harder to read, and more

tedious to get through.• Stories in the mass media that are hard to read don’t get read.

Word clutter• Usually word clutter litters the first drafts of articles.• When we go back to edit first drafts, often we can identify the

clutter.• Unfortunately, writers in a hurry sometimes don’t have time to

revise.• It’s up to editors to clear out the “deadwood.”

Word clutter• It takes many years of experience to do a really efficient job at

identifying word clutter.• For example, the sentence above could be more efficient. How

could we rewrite? Answer:

Word clutter

We might say this:It takes years of experience to identify word clutter efficiently.• It is possible, though, to catch word clutter offenders common

in mass-media style writing.• Below are some of the most common examples of word

clutter in mass media writing.

Word clutter• All of a sudden=suddenly.• the morning, the evening. Just use a.m. or p.m.• Located. This word is usually not necessary. Example: “It was located downtown.” Just say “It was downtown.”

More word clutter• Due to the fact that. Just say because.• A total of. Usually this is not necessary, as are the words “in

cash.” Example:“According to police, a total of $500 in cash was found in Hornbacher’s parking lot.Just say “According to police, $500 was found in Hornbacher’s parking lot.”

More word clutter• At the present time. Just say now.• Asked if he.... Usually this clause is redundant. For example:“Asked if he plans to run for re-election, the senator responded, “I’ll run for re-election as long as the voters want me.” Just use the quote.

Attributions• Note that you don’t have to keep repeating “he said, she said”

when it’s obvious who’s talking.• Attributions should be in the same tense throughout the story,

either present (“says”) or past (“said”).• Past tense in attributions is often used for hard news stories,

present tense for features.• You may sometimes vary “said” with words like “pointed out”

or “added.”• Avoid the clumsy attributions “commented” or “stated,” unless

it truly was a formal statement.

Nominalizations

This means taking a verb form and making a noun out of it.(What is a noun? A person, place or thing. What is a verb? An action word.)• Mass media writing emphasizes people doing things, and

favors active verbs. We want to avoid setting up nominalizations.

• Two common nominalizations: made a study of, made an investigation of.

• Just say studied or investigated.

More word clutter• Avoid using two words when one suggests the other.

Examples:Personal friend=friend.Blue in color=blue.Exact replica. A replica is exact, no need for the repetition.Qualified expert. Why would an expert not be qualified?New record. A record is always new.Completely destroy. Destroy is complete. Otherwise, say damaged.Or that favorite of flight attendants: “Be sure to take all of your personal belongings with you.”As opposed to your impersonal ones, apparently. Perhaps can leave those for the cleaning people.

Jargon• “Party, parties,” meaning people. This is law enforcement

jargon often picked up by mass media. “Facility” also is jargon, and usually can be substituted with a more specific word.

Example:“Police said two parties broke into the facility and stole six bottles of Captain Morgan rum.”• Be specific: “Police said two people broke into the liquor store

and stole six bottles of Captain Morgan rum.”

More extra words• At its regular meeting (not their, of course) is usually not

necessary when referring to committees or boards. Example:“The Fargo City Commission at its regular meeting Tuesday declared a moratorium on bike path construction.”Just say, “The Fargo City Commission Tuesday declared a moratorium on bike path construction.”Have a need for, in need of=need.

Time and date

At and on are often superfluous. Example:“The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet at 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room.”Just say, “The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet 7:30 p.m. Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room.”

Addresses• Usually we can delete the words “at the intersection of,”

because two crossing roads obviously intersect. Example:“Police found a stray dog at the intersection of University Drive and 12th Avenue South.”“Police found a lost dog at University Drive and 12th Avenue South.”

More common deadwood• Noon luncheon. Just say luncheon; all luncheons are at noon.• Detailed information is available upon request at.... Details are

available at....• General public. The public is general, so usually no need for

that word. • Spelling warning: Spell check won’t catch the commonly

misspelled phrase “publically-held.” It should be “publicly-held.”

• Held. Generally this word isn’t necessary. Example:“The rally will be held Friday.”“The rally will be Friday.”• Useful solution.If it’s not useful, it’s not a solution.

More common deadwood• The incident. Usually not needed. Example:“She investigated the incident.” (And avoid the nominalization “made an investigation of....”)“She investigated.”• Guest speaker. Just say speaker.• If that were the case=If so.• At this point in time=now.

Still more common deadwood• “Which” or “who” often are superfluous. Examples:“The book, which is a biography, includes descriptions of White House staff.”Just say, “The book, a biography….”“The students who are attending the class must bring pencils.”Just say, “The students attending the class….”“As a result of=“because.”

Does it matter?• “A small detail, you say—not worth

bothering about. It is worth bothering about. The game is won or lost on hundreds of small details.

• “Writing improves in the direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it that shouldn’t be there.”

--William Zinsser, On Writing Well.