Communicating With Adolescents

Wolcott High SchoolSchool Counseling Department

What’s the line between friend and

disciplinarian? How can I engage and encourage my student

while I still have some concerns on my mind? Why do they shut me down every time I try to

talk about important things? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0ZpuA8_YYk

Parenting is tough

Every student is different Each student is facing unique challenges That we don’t know everything That you know your child best

We Know…

Please write down a concern you have for

communicating with your student We may not be able to speak specifically to your student, but we do have some data about students and communication in general.

Based on the National PTA suggestions, we have Ten Tips to possibly help open communication between you and your child

So how can we help you?

When your child actually does want to talk, try to stop

what your doing and give them your full attention. Try to avoid jumping in until they have completely

vented everything out…easier said than done, we know.

Sometimes they just want to talk and not have it fixed (they feel more empowered when they solve the problem themselves)

Try reflecting what they said so that they know you are listening and that they are being heard correctly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VOubVB4CTU

Tip 1: Listen

Let them know 2 or 3 options (and possibly

consequences) they can choose from Let them come up with different possibilities

to the problem This helps make the conversation a two way

street rather than a power struggle Often they are able to work out solutions for

themselves but just need to vocalize everything first

Tip 2: There is power in choice

Once again, easier said than done They are listening, even if you think its just a

small passing remark Try softening strong reactions or taking a time

out before addressing the problem

Tip 3: Avoid saying things out of anger

When a child confides in you, try to encourage

them with the fact that they did talk to you about an issue

Its difficult to admit mistakes and it’s even harder to tell it to a parent and feel like a disappointment

Validate their emotions, even if you disagree https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5yCOSHeYn4

Tip 4: Be a source of encouragement

Try putting yourself in your child’s shoes and

see the problem from their point of view Think about how difficult the conversation

may be for your child and take time to think before you react

Possibly have a safe place where they can tell you what’s happening that won’t embarrass or feel on the defensive The car Dinner

Tip 5: Make your conversations places of

comfort

Try not to take over the conversation and

allow your child to respond Adolescents may feel like they are

disappointing you and not open up if they don’t have the “right” answers to share

When needing to discuss a disciplinary issues, try addressing the behavior or action and not the child

Tip 6: Avoid the drill routine or 20?s

Randomly follow up on a previous

conversation or subject of interest This helps them to know that you listened and

care Try telling them something that has happened

in your day to start a conversation

Tip 7: Make a point of being an initiator

We all have busy schedules, but taking the time to

spend it with your child during the week is important too. Monthly game nights where they can even invite a

friend Watching a movie together Learning something new together Shopping Play a sport together Helping with homework http://

www.bing.com/videos/search?q=extranormal+parents+kids+spending+time&FORM=HDRSC3#view=detail&mid=F85E51295FA7B506EF53F85E51295FA7B506EF53

Tip 8: Take time to share

Sometimes admitting that you are human and

make mistakes goes a long way in building that relationship.

Tip 9: Apologize when you are wrong

Tell them that you love them Teens are still trying to figure out what love is

and what it looks like…sometimes if you don’t say it overtly they don’t think its there

Show your child that you love them for them, not just when things are going well

Tip 10: Love them

What you probably don’t enjoy talking about,

they probably like even less Students often model what they see

How you express yourself or start a conversation often affects how they will reply

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

Scenario from parent concerns

Discuss with your group possible solutions or ways to talk about it with you child

How can you help each other?