Within all of us

Embed Size (px)

Citation preview

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    1/155

    Within all of us

    Joshua Jay Herman

    This work is released under a Creative Commons

    Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License

    June 2, [email protected]

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    2/155

    2

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    3/155

    Contents

    I After Antephil 7I dont know . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

    Gutters . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10The revolution was never good . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Lunatic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12I wish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13Us humans . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14Clothe me with these white robes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15Grace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16Kiss upon the nerves . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17Sylvia . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19Clothe me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20Sleeping Upon . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

    Dead Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23White Queen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24Lets rise . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25Your breast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26Chalk Me up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

    II After La Belle Dame... 29Never leaving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31Orbital . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

    Bargain . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33Black Queen, Silver sword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34For all of you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35I? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36Let me lie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37White Queen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39Abstract nonsence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40Voile You . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

    3

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    4/155

    4 CONTENTS

    Psychosis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

    Lonelyness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44You are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46Wishing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47Life isnt simple . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48Schadenfreud . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50From The Waste Land (In responce to T.S.Elliot) . . . . . . . . . . 51Ones mind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52Notes from Zegota . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55libero dorma . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57From nothing emerges an angel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59You have my eyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61

    Of suicide women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63(Here) Be Girlish Sins (of jenny) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65Desires of a pastry maker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 67January Twenty-Second . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 68White Office Sestina . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69Thought Villanelle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71Piercing Ring . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72Perception . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73Walking Across the Shores . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75Rain Before . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 76

    Sitting on laurels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77Walking Across the Shores . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78Looking for a muse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79Dead Romantic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80A Finite Amount of Time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81The horse you never rode in on . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82La Belle Dame Avec eloigne pactole . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84Accepting Missions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 85Wondrous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87

    III Before La Dame... 89Free Radical . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91Listen to the sound of silence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92Rain only falls once . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93Fractures in the void . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95Realitys Reflections . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96Sweet Destiny . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97Lost sunshine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    5/155

    CONTENTS 5

    Mirror of quicksilver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99

    The knights tour . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100D i s o r d e r . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 1

    Mortal Melody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102

    The Tint of life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103

    F l ow n t he C oup . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104

    Echos from the ocean . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105

    Br ok e n flow e r . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106

    Ethernal blade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107

    Lavender Haze . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108

    What is weakness? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109False truth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110

    Forgotten Tune . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111

    Foreground, Backound . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112

    The scheme . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113

    The wind of change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 115

    An Discord To Eris . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117

    A speech of discord . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119

    Wishing for Forgetting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121

    Laurels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122Blue rose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 123

    Duality . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124

    E t he r al Bl ade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130

    F ur t i v e Danc e . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131

    Ki ngs Sw or d . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132

    Love white dreams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133

    Marble Orchid . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134

    New year . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135

    Purple Frog . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136Tenement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 137

    R e al i t y Lost . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 138

    Sak ur a R hapsody . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 139

    A Valentine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 140

    Valkrye Stopped . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141

    Vorpal Blade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    6/155

    6 CONTENTS

    IV Afterward 145

    V Thoughts 147

    VI acknowledgments 149

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    7/155

    Part I

    Escape

    7

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    8/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    9/155

    9

    Escape To be free Not bound Not owned

    We born with humanity know it?two faced people living in the worldCrying FREEDOM! But yearning for conformityCrying JUSTICE But just wanting a better dealWhen we all know we want to be rulerBut we seem to only get to be mediocre.And these are the things I think I have seen

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    10/155

    10

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    11/155

    Part II

    After Antephil

    11

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    12/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    13/155

    13

    I dont know

    I dont know whats goin on I wish, i could motivate you

    I wish I could be more motivated

    Im trapped in this cage

    And I dont know the out

    My heart beats And I cant let it free

    I cant seem to live

    But I almost see how to live

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    14/155

    14

    Gutters

    Drowing out the sorrows I feel sometimes I will live in flith anddie in it

    The gutters filled with blood

    I remember when I had an apex of desire

    And life was a mere rose to behold

    But remember the thorns are there

    And the petals are mere poison

    I watch as, people say

    That life is a mere utopia to behold

    And that cacaphony of voices

    Seems off key

    Destiny and fate Didnt condemn me to this

    I want out Cant you help me?

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    15/155

    15

    The revolution was never good

    The insurrection is occuring on youtube Its never going to giveyou up Yearning to break free of the net

    It wont be on facebook or myspace or cnn

    You need to lurk moar. For the players They have no name Nofaces to find

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    16/155

    16

    Lunatic

    Perhaps escape from the moon,

    With the abnormal (Musing upon normals) Lamenting, dazed,longing for Just some respect...

    Discharge, requires one to let go of that difference!

    And conform To the golden mean

    And instead Just do as one is told and stay average.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    17/155

    17

    I wish

    Sometimes, remembering holding you I feel warmth

    With that breath on my ear

    Hitting that hammer sounding my heart

    But you are there And this correspondance

    Is of truth?

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    18/155

    18

    Us humans

    Us humans, are fragile pathetic things.

    Wasting away, on a some cold, wet rock

    That circles some burning flame.

    A fission, burning a way over few million years.

    Choosing to bask in light; or sulk in sorrowful darkness.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    19/155

    19

    Clothe me with these white robes.

    Instead of nakedness of rulers On roads traveled Dont quietlysubmit, loudly reason

    On villainy and heroism On love and hate

    Let us try to go forward In to truth.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    20/155

    20

    Grace

    Let us find a grace, a place 1

    Those dead liars and living layers

    Lost is the living in tunnels

    Lets find a new one around death and our life

    Away from golden rivers and windswept allies

    Let us stop existing in reality

    And go away to our own

    1Response to Poes Take this kiss upon the brow

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    21/155

    21

    Kiss upon the nerves

    Take this, this kiss upon your nerves

    upon those curves, upon those words

    [Should we part or shall we stay?]

    This day this hour this year this life

    Mere flight of fancy ,Mere words of flight

    If hope beacons back let me ride!

    If hope beckons back let me fly!

    (If my weeping could be heard...)

    Would it give me a tighter grasp

    [On what we call reality, on this

    agreed upon dream all call existence?]

    If the hours and the days turned to dust

    [And the years spent and future years

    extinguished?!? Where would I find myself?]

    Somewhere outside of time , outside of all of reality.

    Everything is merely some fake

    figment of collective consciousness

    But wouldnt that extend reality?

    [Maybe a negation of reality

    doesnt make much sense?]

    Hope, flows away, of my vision

    Of reason, of choices, of existence!

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    22/155

    22

    (Is merely an imagination shared...)

    I stand amid all of this

    realizing that I know shit

    Absolute garbage, I have no wit.

    This illusionary existence

    This fatal game, this final hour

    In all of this illusionary existence

    You have been the one thing that is real

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    23/155

    23

    Sylvia

    Racing on a thought, a whim (The math said no? but The lovesaid yes!)

    Cherry trees in wondrous bloom A reigning trance of pink petals

    This is her forest! Full of all of her feelings

    Of her love, of her poles

    And her dances and her prose

    I see all of these things

    round this wood nymphs head

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    24/155

    24

    Clothe me

    Clothe me with the robes of innocence.

    Let me not dance naked in the lands of our fathers

    Let us not go quietly in to that far night

    Of villainy and pestilence

    Let us try to go forward

    In to truth, into our own order.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    25/155

    25

    Sleeping Upon

    Sleeping upon submarines

    and fighter planes

    In the brain of the borrowed

    In the mind of the weak

    Making tunnels upon tunnels

    Skin becoming thicker and thicker

    Infinite rawhide shells

    Snow as thicker

    than comprehension

    And yet for all of his troubles

    Foibles and faux pas

    Gaining nothing for

    his ventures

    Some have said

    better to have loved, instead to never.

    And yet still needing

    A pure brain

    Let him spread the recent ashes of old

    As his hand is taken

    As the worlds variables are taken down

    Tasked to record every slightest gesture

    Whispering to the Delphic oracles

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    26/155

    26

    For his reasoning

    Gave the truth

    About facts yet to occur

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    27/155

    27

    Dead Romantic

    In this mind beats the heart of a dead romantic

    Summer time wont bloom for him

    But his words still speak through time

    And I know what he thinks is true

    Rediscovering his thoughts I saw what I lacked

    How to judge what is beauty in the realm of the real

    Its not in the complexity of it all

    With lies that leave you empty

    But in the simplicity of what we hold dear

    That is where beauty lies

    To seek it is to love, and to deny it hate

    And single thought that truth is beauty

    And that is all you need to know

    To change reality into a extension of the imagination

    Using your heart to sow the seeds

    To see what dreams may come

    Maybe it was an old romantic ideal

    That made me realize what I was lacking

    And what I could become.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    28/155

    28

    White Queen

    White queen, golden mother

    Of love unspeakable

    Desire uncountable

    The unbounded love I hold

    Descriptions are meaningless

    Lor es of love dont comp air

    You reign oer me

    Like your unbounded grace

    May I me stop hiding

    My love for you

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    29/155

    29

    Lets rise

    Fallen angel

    Wont you let

    down you hair

    Let us find

    A new grace

    A new place

    Where the dead

    Stop lieing

    Where the living

    Can lose themselves

    Lets build

    tunnels

    Around the death

    Around the life

    A far cry

    from the golden river

    From the windswept vallies

    let us stop existing for a moment

    And exist in some type of reality

    of our own.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    30/155

    30

    Your breast

    Your breast

    isnt hiding

    a cold heart

    Not merely

    blood coursing through

    Yet it is cold to me

    If I could crack my chest open

    And remove my faults

    You, are that

    fire escape

    Out of my

    own hell

    It seems I can never

    warm your heart

    Or any heart ; at least

    the ones I have tried

    I have failed.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    31/155

    31

    Chalk Me up

    Chalk me up

    As an failure

    As an casualty of society

    Dont ask me as I bleed

    If I am in pain

    Dont ask me if I am okay

    As my pale face

    Shows I am knocking

    On deaths door

    Dont offer me help

    As I lay hanging there

    Now stop bothering me

    As I ready my noose

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    32/155

    32

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    33/155

    Part III

    After La Belle Dame...

    33

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    34/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    35/155

    35

    Never leaving

    I never want to leave you

    Holding onto the piece

    of you

    While you are near

    my heart increases

    in size, in speed

    Since you have picked

    my heart from its perch

    Your the kind of girl

    that I could hold onto

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    36/155

    36

    Orbital

    Come with me

    All of you

    To ask of friendship from

    the living, beating heart from

    Fools reconing in

    Purple etching

    on my mental slate

    Across my temporal lobe

    Let me sway

    your path, your orbit

    In my direction

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    37/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    38/155

    38

    Black Queen, Silver sword

    The free spirit

    The boundless lover

    Hookup, hookoff

    All is fair

    No sacrosanct actions

    In your domain

    Coloring you own reality

    Making symbols to sentances

    Analyzing the voice

    of humanity

    Grammars without context

    Vocal phonemes

    Using the silver sword

    To cut my engulfing darkness

    For it is in your touch

    In your warmth

    In your spirit

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    39/155

    39

    For all of you

    For all of you there exists an desire unbounded

    If you are around then my heart races

    If you are near then I become happier

    There exists an hope that love will be returned

    Which has uncountable cardinality

    My trust in you is greater than others

    and my trust is greater for you than anyone.

    Therefore I love you

    QED

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    40/155

    40

    I?

    What am I to you?

    A smiling bag of meat?

    A filthy animal begging

    for your own attention?

    Why do I exist?

    For your amusement?

    For your pleasure?

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    41/155

    41

    Let me lie

    Let me lie across

    poppy fields

    Crying with the sinners

    And laughing at the saints

    Doesnt death come

    for those who deserve it

    Doesnt death come

    for those who want out?

    Wont you let me die with honor

    Without pieces, without strife

    Let the end

    wash over me

    Let life start

    once again

    My decay is merely

    An passing state

    Let me reconstruct

    Myself again.

    End it all

    Maybe I am doomed

    to unrequited love

    I fear not rejection

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    42/155

    42

    Since it can be assumed

    Let me rid myself

    Of this thorny crown of love

    This unending torment

    The hell of my own design

    End my sickness

    For others are hell

    Let me instead

    Count the ways

    It hurts inside

    Burning ripples in my brain

    Like ants

    under an lens

    Hand me the key

    That lets out

    This caged mind

    This tortured soul

    Cure my sickness

    Let me end it all.

    Let me

    out

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    43/155

    43

    White Queen

    White queen, golden mother

    Of love unspeakable

    Desire uncountable

    The unbounded love I hold

    Descriptions are meaningless

    Lores of love dont compair

    You reign oer me

    Like your unbounded grace

    May I me stop hiding

    My love for you

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    44/155

    44

    Abstract nonsence

    Functors of natural transformations

    Using Yonedas lemma to prove

    My diagrams dont chase themselves.

    Invoking hilberts invariant theory

    Mere theology in mathematical clothing

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    45/155

    45

    Voile You

    She Lays, and has lied

    (near) Park ash L(n)

    (By) braze(n) oak

    Her hazel peaks

    (Washing across my consciousness)

    Her Rooks bites

    my able bets

    hitti(n) her zeal

    Bash O Ash

    Seize a sizeable

    Area (from an)

    Alpha Seers Sky

    (While) zealot hobbies

    On sizeable bale bozos

    (Merely take away

    the self)

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    46/155

    46

    Psychosis

    Mental death,

    (with grand

    delusions).

    Mere serpents

    (eating away

    at sanity)

    and sancity

    [Polymorphic swords

    Dichromatic beatitudes

    Dicdacictic monosylabic ERSTAZ]

    All mere trifles

    Compaired to the highs

    Of your own design

    merely a demon

    (festering in

    your own head)

    Yet it can

    inspire

    You to reach

    your farthest

    goals

    your deepest

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    47/155

    47

    thoughts

    Exploring

    edges of your

    brain

    Although eventually

    all you want

    is out

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    48/155

    48

    Lonelyness

    Lonelyness isnt

    next to happiness

    or godlyness...

    Just adjacent

    to sadness

    and sickness

    Shall I die

    alone

    Lamenting the past?

    [Leading a life

    without meaning]

    Without self?

    Let my demise

    wash over me

    And yet

    an beating

    heart

    Sounds for you

    Not yet woken,

    [(still silent])

    Having thrown

    down my love

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    49/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    50/155

    50

    You are

    You are

    the one

    Who is more

    beautiful

    Than my

    memory

    Since your

    beauty

    is impossible

    to be recalled

    Not one word

    describes you

    Not even a countable

    or a uncountable set

    Filled with words

    Your look

    your mind

    That something

    which is you

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    51/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    52/155

    52

    Life isnt simple

    Life just doesnt

    get simpler

    And there is no easy way out

    You shall always

    fear failure

    (And tend to forget

    your success)

    Darkness in our

    hearts

    comes and goes

    (But light

    may stay)

    Friends fade

    And enemys

    are always

    at your door

    When we long

    For an easy

    way out

    Are we not

    losing out

    on what

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    53/155

    53

    might be

    beyond

    dark times?

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    54/155

    54

    Schadenfreud

    I take pleasure in the most dreadful things

    The mashing of fingers

    The crys of pain

    No delight in my perfect world

    No crys of joy

    Only darkness to engulf them all

    If this is wrong

    I delight in this madness

    This pain without pleasure

    If this is sickness

    Then I wish for no cure

    For when the bombs fall

    And the last breath echos

    That would be true peace on earth

    And I could reside happy

    Knowing that the end isnt near

    But it has already begun

    And take one last breath

    To smell the death

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    55/155

    55

    From The Waste Land (In responce to T.S.Elliot)

    The third one is Azariel

    (Who burns my mind)

    Making my fleeting flights of sanity

    Turn into dust , guiding me

    (to the point of prophecy)

    Beckoning me back

    To where I desperately

    want (to be)

    And sending them back

    (to where they came)

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    56/155

    56

    Ones mind

    Ones mind

    shouldnt stray

    near stars

    For like feather

    wings

    Bound with wax

    It too can melt

    Degrading

    into a surreal

    mind

    With only

    ones will

    Keeping it from

    self digestion

    Only from truth

    will a new mind

    be born

    Falling from Grace

    Losing

    my innocence

    Wasting away

    my time

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    57/155

    57

    on myself

    Distracted by

    the grace

    of unrelenting

    unrequited love

    Then as I

    finally fell

    While hearing

    an angels

    voice

    call out

    to me

    The noise

    With evil

    overtones

    desiring

    a soul

    The choice

    I

    had to make

    Was either

    to atone

    for my sins

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    58/155

    58

    or remain

    in twisted

    logic

    Using false

    rationale

    I was put

    in a place

    to force

    the decision

    my own (personal)

    mirrored

    firing squad

    I chose

    truth

    over delusions

    Then

    everything

    wasnt lost

    And my

    angel

    was at

    my side

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    59/155

    59

    Notes from Zegota

    I (am)

    a sick man

    Devoid of hope

    Of passion

    An unattractive

    man

    I know

    my brain

    is diseased

    Let it degrade!

    Let it rot!

    I

    still respect

    modern medicine

    I rather

    reject it

    and stop embracing

    my struggles

    So long

    I have searched

    for the sublime

    and beautiful

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    60/155

    60

    So I shall flush

    my medicine

    Forget my

    therapies

    And lie

    sulking

    waiting for my

    insanity

    to take

    control

    And then

    I shall be

    truely lost

    Since my passion

    has died

    I will

    go along

    with it.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    61/155

    61

    libero dorma

    While I

    felt my mind

    burn

    As I was turning

    into dust

    You cooled me

    with memories

    of your kindness

    And that

    fixed me

    by giving me

    joy

    And now

    that I

    am still here

    I am too fond

    of you

    to not tell

    you

    how I feel

    As I

    put our

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    62/155

    62

    fate

    in your hands

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    63/155

    63

    From nothing emerges an angel

    When I

    was at lunch

    was sitting alone

    Looking into

    nothingness

    You

    came in

    floating like an angel

    that I

    was waiting for

    I see your

    subtle curves

    that are as smooth

    as silk

    I

    am imperfect

    Without a pure

    part inside

    of me

    In a place

    that I

    never belonged to

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    64/155

    64

    You

    gave me control

    To stop the pain

    of being alone

    I wish

    you would notice

    me a little more

    I wish

    I could give back

    to you

    what you

    have given me

    I hope

    that you will never

    feel alone

    And you are a lifesaver

    Now that I

    know you

    I

    can believe

    in anything.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    65/155

    65

    You have my eyes

    You

    have my eyes

    Looking at

    your perfect skin

    Or a body

    that I drown in

    So beautiful

    that words barely

    scratch the surface

    That flirts

    with my mind

    And takes me to

    foreign lands

    But it is truly

    that something I can tell

    That makes you

    what you are

    And that is

    Your kindness

    the warm touch

    that helps me realize

    What I am

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    66/155

    66

    And carves

    silky smooth

    ripples in my mind

    It is in these memories

    that I cherish

    And hope to revisit

    Like a wind

    at my back

    And a friend

    at my side

    That something

    (thoughts I hold of her)

    That no one sees

    that I desire

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    67/155

    67

    Of suicide women

    The age

    of eye aversion

    (At painted

    ladies)

    Has faded into

    absurity

    And the obscene

    Is merely things

    That is found

    In your local

    media

    And eden

    is all around

    For it is in

    these pictures

    That we find a beauty

    (not all acknowledge)

    better than blue

    rhapsodies

    Break out of your

    groupthinking shell

    Eating away at

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    68/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    69/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    70/155

    70

    the blessed parts

    And teach your children

    These sacred blessings

    As you watch your childrens

    children spread rich blessings

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    71/155

    71

    Desires of a pastry maker

    Today at my day job,

    Making pastries and rolls

    In the urban sprawl

    of this thin new city,

    I wished I was a member of the old money,

    My food liquefied by my butler;

    Noting the sybolism in my Renior painting

    And watching a private screening of Yes, Virginia

    Where I am currently dating the lead actress.

    Yet this daydream liquefies into nil

    And I am faced with the reality

    Of a hum drum existence

    ANd I am forced to exchange old money

    For a single cinnamon roll....

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    72/155

    72

    January Twenty-Second

    The streetlights flickered and fade

    with the steady beat of the city

    as we walked down Harlem Avenue.

    We had come for the theater;

    My mother, still frugal, paid our way.

    Our laughter echoes

    As the jazzy music still rattles

    In our step, in our minds

    We hum the syncopated beat

    On her giddy moment of play,

    A young passerby stood on a dirty street corner

    Twirling a balloon.

    As I watch I slowly realize

    The yearning within me

    And how I am torn between two ideals

    At eighteen, I am too old

    To enjoy a single balloon,

    Too young to enjoy drinks with my mother.

    I stood there watching the cars go by,

    The horns refusing to stay silent,

    Loud as a thunderstorm.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    73/155

    73

    White Office Sestina

    In the white office sits a chair

    Safe from the rain

    Some company if given by a mouse

    Who lives inside an old brown shoe

    With a table made from, and eraser

    A thimble as the mouses hat

    The mouse goes out looking for a new hat

    Beyond his boundaries marked by the chair

    Then he is startled by a falling eraser

    From the sky like the rain

    He wishes he was back in his shoe

    Then he meets another mouse

    This new friend a lost mouse

    Far away from his house (a hat)

    They both venture back to the shoe

    In the white office with the chair

    As you look outside the window there is rain

    When they reach the shoe they sit at a eraser

    They plan where they will go next, beside the eraser

    They will find the home of the other mouse

    Their pitter patter of their feet sounds like the rain

    As they both travel with thimbles on their heads used as hats

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    74/155

    74

    Moving past the various office chairs

    They can barely make out he shoe

    As they depart in the distance stands the old brown shoe

    They pass by an eraser

    And come up to a chair.

    Both of them rejoice like baby mouses

    They finally reach their destination, a fedora hat

    That has been barely touched by the rain

    This dreary office lets in the rain

    Unlike the white office with the shoe

    The office does protect the fedora hat

    That has many erasers

    Both of them wish each other well (like a good mouse)

    As the mouse departs for the old brown shoe near the chair

    As we end this tale of chairs and mice

    One lives in a shoe while the other a hat

    We should all wish to be safe from the rain and to stay free fromour erasures.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    75/155

    75

    Thought Villanelle

    I open my eyes and fight with my head

    As my thoughts attempt to destroy me

    Sometimes I wish that the world would end

    I know if I could just mend

    My wayward thoughts that twist and turn

    I could open my eyes and not figtht with my head

    But my thoughts go their on way instead

    Thoughts which make no sense, I cant agree

    Sometimes I wish that the wold would end

    I want to flee the thoughts that I dread

    To a time when life was full of glee

    But I must open my eyes and fight with my head

    At times I scream until my ears ring

    Or wish I was a lime tree

    Sometimes I wish that the world would end

    Is life just a means to an end?

    I need my mind true and free

    I open my eyes and still fight with my heads

    Always wishing that the world would end

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    76/155

    76

    Piercing Ring

    The piercing ring of the cell phone destroys the silence

    Nonstop chatter picks away at my peace

    As I yearn for a quieter time

    When I could read this battered book in peace

    A silent moment is something to cherish

    Like the echo of your own laughter

    It calms, it relives, and it can inspire

    Like a warm summer breeze

    I wish to grab the next phone I see

    And rip it apart pieced by piece

    As vicious as a pack of wolves

    There will be no more remains

    Then I will have my peace;

    (tranquility that is all my own)

    Enjoying the sound of silence

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    77/155

    77

    Perception

    Perception is a powerful thing

    It is in perception that we see ourselves,

    and what we see in the world.

    (it is in this that we base our lives)

    Like a feeling that we hold onto,

    when times arent as fair.

    Or the meaning of words on a page.

    (secrets that we shall never tell)

    Our perception reflects what we believe

    What we know and what we value.

    Truths that we hold dear to ourselves

    and outlooks on what life means.

    Experiences determine our perception

    (like picking flowers on a warm day)

    With the breeze carrying the petals away

    As you sit beneath a fern tree

    Our own unique personal look

    On how we should live our lives

    (what our dreams our made of

    and how we feel inside)

    Perception is a powerful thing

    (Either seeing the day like a bright open morning

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    78/155

    78

    or a gloomy day filled with washed out clouds)

    Composed of the interpretation from our sences,

    with the values that we hold dear.

    Perceptions is what makes us who we truely are,

    and what determines what we can become.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    79/155

    79

    Walking Across the Shores

    Have you walked across the shores?

    In the moonlight, while holding a gaze

    That no one could break

    Because you had that something

    The thoughts of a plan of a life you might lead

    And places you will go

    The things you will do

    Did you still remember them?

    When heartbreak comes

    And your judgment is clouded

    While you carry regret and anger

    Fury begotten from unbreakable feelings

    Because of things you couldn Aot control

    And the tempest rose and destroyed those shores.

    While time seemed to slow down

    For your life almost escaped you

    As you were washed away by the crashing waves

    But you survived it all

    And the storm was gone when a calm begot the new land

    And the only thing you had left

    The only thing you carried with you were your dreams.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    80/155

    80

    Rain Before

    It iss the rain that you have felt from a day long past

    Remembering the rhythm of a somber melody

    You hear as the droplets caress your face

    Blown by the cool autumn breeze

    That whispers of a sadness not seen

    For this is the day when love expressed itself in sacrifice

    And now you lament the fate that she now holds

    For the last bell has rung

    And her part in your life has closed

    Although her heart has stopped beating

    She still has yours

    And now with the flowers in hand

    Her favorite bouquet a dark rose...

    You use them to remember

    The only thing you can still love

    Its her memory in your heart

    Making you still go on

    While she still holds a part of your soul

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    81/155

    81

    Sitting on laurels

    Sitting on laurels

    Lamenting on my monotone days

    Where each one seems like the other

    I look back on the days I left behind

    And wish I had done more

    Instead of the bare minimum I did

    When I let the Hours waste away

    The broken dreams I left behind

    I try to revive them

    To give them life that they didnt have before

    And I look back on those days

    Not with sorrow but instead looking forward

    Trying to catch up with my dreams

    And stop wasting the days that may come

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    82/155

    82

    Walking Across the Shores

    Have you been walking upon shores?

    In the moonlight, while holding a gaze

    That no one could break

    Because you had that something

    The thoughts of a plan of a life you might lead

    And places you will go

    The things you will do

    Did you still remember them?

    When heartbreak comes

    And your judgment is clouded

    While you carry regret and anger

    Fury begotten from unbreakable feelings

    Because of things you couldn Aot control

    And the tempest rose and destroyed those shores.

    While time seemed to slow down

    For your life almost escaped you

    As you were washed away by the crashing waves

    But you survived it all

    And the storm was gone when a calm begot the new land

    And the only thing you had left

    The only thing you carried with you were your dreams.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    83/155

    83

    Looking for a muse

    Looking down a bygone time

    Remebering that sweet burgundy rose

    That beckoned me back to find my muse

    She is a calliope of wonderful places

    Stories to be told to the people I see

    Wherever I go I always will remain

    In her heart, in our gaze

    I thought in my bad memories

    My sight would be lost of her

    But that day has not come

    Since I have known her

    She stops the sorrowful days

    By letting me venture forward

    With the memories I keep

    And the imagination in her heart

    I ventured forth with her

    And I found I was in a dream

    Imagined and yet still known

    On a path I still walk down

    Searching for the long lost verse

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    84/155

    84

    Dead Romantic

    In this mind beats the heart of a dead romantic

    Summer time wont bloom for him

    But his words still speak through time

    And I know what he thinks is true

    Rediscovering his thoughts I saw what I lacked

    How to judge what is beauty in the realm of the real

    Its not in the complexity of it all

    With lies that leave you empty

    But in the simplicity of what we hold dear

    That is where beauty lies

    To seek it is to love, and to deny it hate

    And single thought that truth is beauty

    And that is all you need to know

    To change reality into a extension of the imagination

    Using your heart to sow the seeds

    To see what dreams may come

    Maybe it was an old romantic ideal

    That made me realize what I was lacking

    And what I could become.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    85/155

    85

    A Finite Amount of Time

    A Finite Amount of Time

    When our posessions break, our beauty fades,

    When our health is a fond memory,

    We realize money is meaningless.

    And the seconds tick by

    Like a testament to mortality,

    We realize what we really need and want is time -

    A moment to confess our love,

    Minutes to write the verse.

    Or a day to walk through the forest

    With the trees all fading into colors

    Waiting lazily for the end of the day

    To watch the stars dance in the sky.

    We realize the implicit beauty of creation:

    That we only have a finite time -

    But the things we can do

    Are infinite.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    86/155

    86

    The horse you never rode in on

    While you have been riding off in the distance

    Trying to find those golden cherubs

    Your gallop seems to echo

    Your pace tells of the sorrow that follows

    But hope is on your face

    And yet you still are lost

    You listen to the sound

    The wind always had

    That you have never heard

    It dissolves into a quiet forest

    And then you hear a blue birds song

    With blackbirds singing the bass line

    Where you stand seems to strike a chord

    That melts the tissues in your mind

    You stare at the oak where the gig was

    West the sun sets with red yellow dance

    With the white knights that drop slowly on the day

    It clears by its absence and the singers fly off

    Something Reminds of feelings that catch up

    Doves that fly away linger in your mind

    Remembering that sweet rhapsody that lingers still

    The melody made of that something inconcievable

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    87/155

    87

    You stopped when the chords went wrong

    And yet you still stand

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    88/155

    88

    La Belle Dame Avec eloigne pactole

    Black roses, upon black roses

    Cease of existence means nothing

    and cold is a mere friend

    Losing the game

    a mental game

    a childs game

    a mans game

    a womans game

    odds not faced

    times not written

    Leading into halls of mirrors

    Not knowing the self

    Held by daemons,

    held by sinners,

    And realizing that

    balance is everything

    But what we do

    in borrowed time

    isnt a finite number

    Just an uncountable one

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    89/155

    89

    Accepting Missions

    taking

    back

    orest

    f of

    you

    t

    h

    Remaking my

    m o

    e w

    of image b

    (me, through ld god

    [ x = o

    [ = c h

    ( Since an as t

    exile

    [Tearing

    myself

    apart]

    (to *find*

    what matters)

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    90/155

    90

    t

    o h

    T row

    away

    the c

    h

    a

    f

    f

    Let it begin V

    (For the

    r

    e b i

    r

    t

    h

    of this man)

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    91/155

    91

    Wondrous

    You wondrous creature,

    you kindred spirit,

    thriving in snow

    Feeling you close, holding you dear

    through the wireless

    Lets travel, lets take flight

    exploring places only imagined

    Hoping you can see the real me

    While I can see the real you

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    92/155

    92

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    93/155

    Part IV

    Before La Dame...

    93

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    94/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    95/155

    95

    Free Radical

    In the struggle we find ourselves in pain

    Being washed away by the tempest

    And we can never break its spell

    And then we find ourselves changed

    An adaptation made during the battle

    But we still are alone

    But then someone gives us

    Their hope from their heart

    A sweetness unseen a melody not heard

    Thats in your mind that I have seen

    Which took my heart away

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    96/155

    96

    Listen to the sound of silence

    Can you hear my heart that beats?

    Did it dissolve the void within?

    Listen to the oracles whim

    Its the destiny that shall come to pass

    But sometimes our lives have other paths

    Do your lingering feelings still stand?

    Something of you will always linger in my mind

    Dont feel sorrow for me

    When I almost let you slip threw

    My grasp that was longing

    And yet I found you

    To fix the hole inside me

    And my sorrow started to end

    For the pain just stopped

    When I saw what you had

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    97/155

    97

    Rain only falls once

    Its the rain that you have felt

    That you remember from a day long past

    The rhythm of a somber melody

    You hear as the droplets caress your face

    The cool autumn breeze

    Whispers of a sadness you hear

    For this is the day

    When love expressed itself in sacrifice

    And now you lament

    The fate she now holds

    Her last bell has rung

    And the song you shared has ended

    Although her heart has stopped beating

    She still has yours

    Now with the flowers in your hand

    Her favorite bouquet

    The rainbow of roses that shown of her

    Purity her beauty her grace

    You use them to remember

    The only thing you still can love

    Its that something

    That makes you go on

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    98/155

    98

    While she will always have a part of you

    She gave you her spirit in her final hour

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    99/155

    99

    Fractures in the void

    It seems a fractured life

    To walk it all alone

    To fly without a friend

    And cry without a shoulder

    A fear of most it seems

    But who asks us to change the song

    To change the minor key

    We think a knight in shimmering armor

    Shall come to save us

    But when we do find them

    We either fear them

    Or dont even persue them

    Even when we know we should

    Reach out to them

    And try to change our lives

    To make something out of

    The void that is

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    100/155

    100

    Realitys Reflections

    Sweet dreams child

    May you awaken to them

    The sights you shall see

    Where the poets dream the muses dance

    And the faerys kiss you in the distance

    Or those long walks with your lover

    That you would kiss in front of all

    Under a cherub tree of lavendar

    Or a fall tree of amber

    For it is the dreams inside

    That make the reality we see

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    101/155

    101

    Sweet Destiny

    Sometimes my broken heart

    Makes me feel like a lonely rose

    Out in an autumn rain

    Hoping that winter never comes

    For it is that season

    That breaks the rose

    I feel the wind howling

    And it seems like snow will fall

    But you have been kindness

    The sweet Indian summer

    Where the rose basks in the sunlight

    And prepairs for the next season

    You revive my hope

    To pull me out of sorrow

    And I will always see you

    As the rainbow after the storm

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    102/155

    102

    Lost sunshine

    We all have glass hearts

    With smooth curves that never lose the shine

    That can be stolen and shattered

    For who mends the pieces that cut

    That we can lose the heart

    And the shine is broken

    For it is love , that lavendar haze

    Which mends and breaks our hearts

    That binds us and seperates us

    For you can drive miles and miles

    And never find love that sits beside you

    It sometimes is beauty

    That you just cant see

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    103/155

    103

    Mirror of quicksilver

    Mercury rising when we see ourselves

    Impossible the choices we face

    When all trials seem to fail

    You look to the waters of life

    And try to find the flow

    It is then when you decide

    To smell the roses while you run

    And try paint your the sky

    Its never where we want to go

    Its where we truely are

    And the struggle that realizes

    That we must change our world

    To get anywhere in life

    And that is what makes up our lives

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    104/155

    104

    The knights tour

    And this was my tour

    On the board of life and death

    Bloodshed that you could smell

    For the sacrifices were equal

    But my forces were prime

    I pulled out a pin from my fair lady

    And sacrificed the knight for a tall tower

    For I have taken his options away

    And the day ended with mate in the last rank

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    105/155

    105

    Disorder

    No god of war it seems to me

    Only a goddess playing with Olives

    For we see in times gone by

    A waltz of leaders of those times

    Revolution the rebirth from ashes

    Peace a sublime lack of action

    For whom does the sorid bell toll

    Eriss delight With discord at hand

    While soldiers stand for their doctrines at hand

    One finds that without war no peace would come

    And that a clear conflict may never come

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    106/155

    106

    Mortal Melody

    Sometimes roses speak to me

    A sweet song never heard by mortals like me

    Crimson tells of matters inside

    Beauty that is merely free

    Velvets majesty leads to castles

    Floating in the clear blue sky

    Azures imagination in bloom

    Cultivating its own path into the day

    A mortal melody

    A thought they hold

    That lets them live

    That gives them soul

    For the emerald rose knows only

    The truth at hand

    Nothing ventured means nothing gained

    One must find the exit door

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    107/155

    107

    The Tint of life

    Maybe its that tinted skin

    That hints of foreign lands not seen

    Or a body you could drown in

    That you can plainly see

    Its that something I cant tell

    That makes her what she is

    For she carves ripples in my mind

    Smooth as silk and clear as the sky

    Her kindness like a warm touch

    Thats soothing to the soul

    Its this memory of her

    That is wind at my back

    And the friend at my side

    It is merely that something

    The thoughts I hold of her

    That no one sees, that I desire

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    108/155

    108

    Flown the Coup

    Her love has flown like the falcon

    Threw the trees and above the moon

    After those last pink petals fell

    You still didnt know what she was

    What she meant to you

    Now your left standing there

    You feel naked without her

    As night falls

    You weep a bed full of tears

    As just another isolated pawn

    Left there by a dominating queen

    Tomorrow will never occur

    At least that is what you believe

    And yet you still play the game

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    109/155

    109

    Echos from the ocean

    Eyes as blue as the ocean

    Hair of flaxen music past

    An echo of an atlantean dream

    Majestic as the night sky

    For she wants to learn the language of love

    A foreign tougue of the Sun King

    Their song still stands

    As beautys manifest destiny

    Its something in her eyes

    Looking at me like a fey

    Her stare is to me

    As windows looking out at a rainbow

    Eyes like the wildflower

    That line the path to where it stood

    Where mortals dare not tred

    A velvet paradise of Eden

    Not perfection I have sought

    For I would have found my goddess

    But a queen I found

    And I was seeking you

    (Model: Alex Polly)

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    110/155

    110

    Broken flower

    You see remnants of roses

    Their flutter sounds like whispers

    Of borrowed dreams that you have

    Or fondness not spoken of

    Their color reminds one of

    A furys heat once known

    Passions flowering into a muse

    With fires warm touch

    They rustle at your feet

    Like petals that you picked

    Falling remnants of love

    Attempting to find the one

    You wait at an imaginary place

    Somewhere between the den of the real

    And the garden of eden

    Where your heart runs free

    Searching with your soul

    It found exactly what it sought

    That something that just is

    The one you just cant leave

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    111/155

    111

    Ethernal blade

    Knight with ethernal blade

    Who was your Vally Hi

    Sight unseen can not redress

    The mystery at umpton grace

    For have you seen the sands there

    The bumglos drop their flowers

    Eternal on those journey men sands

    Calloo malay They shout at you

    As you find their star crossed women

    A greeting in verse

    From an archaic ancient tougue

    And yet you know what happened

    For you were there; it was revealed to you

    Now tell me now what you have seen

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    112/155

    112

    Lavender Haze

    When your lost in that lavender haze

    A phase that you might see opaque

    Do you see yourself in it?

    For you think you lost your muse

    Inside the glass onion

    Listen to your blue rose

    To find where the emerald crystal lies

    So your muse can be free

    You find yourself in a forest

    A autumn day of a yellow green wood

    St Jude shows you the path

    And you find yourself where you started

    Since you never really lost your muse

    You merely lost yourself

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    113/155

    113

    What is weakness?

    Is that pain weakness that makes us human?

    For we live for the struggle

    We die for the cause

    And yet sometimes

    Its not the pain that you feel

    The one inside hurts much more

    When it isnt weakness but merely lack of strength

    You must make it leave

    And find the strength within

    To fight it and to win

    Your friends can only show you the path

    But it is only you that will be saved by you

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    114/155

    114

    False truth

    And yet they said

    For the pieces of culture were pure

    Its faded glory still stood

    Once they said that its destruction

    Would bring us to eden

    Saving us from purgatories lingering spirit

    On their last breath

    When they belived replacement

    Would give salvation

    We knew their affliction

    Of the artifical utopia

    And the truth of the real

    That the converse satisifies

    But the utopia never does

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    115/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    116/155

    116

    Foreground, Backound

    We see the petals fall

    The breeze carrys wind around

    Petals of a pastel pink

    That foreground of a major key

    With a lucid flow of melody

    The scene reminds you

    Of dreams that may come

    And yet you still see

    Whats behind it all

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    117/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    118/155

    118

    And the beauty that lies

    In the scheme that is

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    119/155

    119

    The wind of change

    The storm has ended

    A sweet nothing fills your senses

    Yet I still smell the change

    Patterns you can find

    In the choices you make

    But not all patterns are true

    Some might be true others are dead ends

    But you can still hold onto one

    Sometimes you must let them go

    With information thats forced down our throats

    Patterns we must see

    But are there ones we may not recognize?

    But some you will never see

    Even though beauty may fade

    You still hold on to it

    For even a catepillar changes

    Into a butterfly and

    That is the power of change

    Can either cause a tempest

    Or quell a storm

    But it is the butterflies choice

    Even if it doesnt realize

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    120/155

    120

    Its true power

    Even if its broken

    It can be mended

    But it will never be like it was

    For it will find the path

    That will still save it even

    If its a fundamental fault

    You can still see your dreams

    And survive when your breath is almost gone

    Will you die with no means to an end

    Or create anew

    To live without fear

    And then you shall see

    That even the broken arrow

    Can stil hit the mark in the sky

    It just takes time

    It is when you see yourself

    The wonders that may pass

    You shall still see what is in front of you

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    121/155

    121

    An Discord To Eris

    She always knew where her towel was

    For has ridden with hells angels

    And sung better than any choir

    And her answer to all is written in the texts

    But she has saved me

    Giving me meaning where there was nothing

    I have seen her in the times of light

    Or in my darkess hour

    Telling me how to pull through

    She had the smell of fairy dust

    But I could never comprehend her

    For she is like the unknown aleph

    Her infinite nature that is undecidable

    When I looked into her eyes of amber

    There was a coolness unseen

    Like the grace she has

    When you see her afar

    You could hear her sing her sweet song

    As she strolled on by not even looking at me

    Her dress was provocative at best

    At worst it left nothing to the imagination

    All golden like the apple she had

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    122/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    123/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    124/155

    124

    But It had changed

    And I could use the blade of the delta

    To find where I stood

    My world of dreams had ended

    Instead the world of implementation awaited

    And all I had to do

    Was not be afraid

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    125/155

    125

    Wishing for Forgetting

    Being faced with

    the yearning to erase

    memories

    This pill

    holds the key

    Opening the brain

    Erasing thoughts

    As it took hold

    I wished to forget

    my forgetting

    To remember

    once more

    Eliminating this

    dark cloud

    And wish away

    my first wish

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    126/155

    126

    Laurels

    Lamenting dead days on laurels

    No uniqueness, no order, no chaos

    Just apathy, the opposite of love

    Just a bunch of dejected dreams

    I wish that more happened,

    I wish that love rung true

    Instead of looking towards

    an ill past, a dead one

    Lets begin anew,

    Reviving and rescuating

    replacing death with life, chaos with order

    And stop wasting and killing my time

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    127/155

    127

    Blue rose

    Life is like a blue rose

    Daedalian in its seamless impossibility

    But thorny with peril

    For the sound of silence permeates

    And rules begot the land

    Where Rigid and square is the norm

    But the wise have said it all in a day

    Or have they?

    Follow the road to the Strawberry Fields

    Where no drab cold winds grow

    Chase forever forward to dream

    And gorgeous landscapes are in your grasp for-ever

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    128/155

    128

    Duality

    An azure windswept passage I found that mycloset seemed to open up to

    I asked does it end or loop back on itself?

    For in darkness imagination does not treat meas a friend

    So I had to cut through half of my fears

    For curiosity could whisper in my ear

    Enticing me to venture forth

    But my fears had me in my grasp

    So I closed the door to where the shadows lay

    And said goodbye to curiosity

    I could sence a cold slience prevailed the winds

    of time

    But then a weeping pierces the silence like aknife in my back

    Eminating from my door to the passage of blue

    Open you dare to test my curiosity if it will full-fill its promise

    Only time will tell if crossing its fingers it has

    I followed where the passage went

    With blade at hand and fear in breath

    I walked in as a boy holding a ethereal hatchet

    And came out As a man wielding a vorpal katana

    With fear at bay and faith in hand

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    129/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    130/155

    130

    a kiss

    Took my hand with her soft touch

    Lead me the way out of darkness she did

    You saw her soul from her eyes

    She had what was too little of but lost it some-where

    Which is still in mind

    Of water doped with plenty weight

    Hemlock with water a dangerous bunch

    She was as kind as a flower but as deadly as abee

    You can hear her voice ring out above the rest

    She studied at the school of Etuprie at the topof her class

    Encompanced in her glance what men desribe ina lifetime

    For her speech eloquent filled with metaphoresof a different colour

    mares she was haunted in her sleep

    -welding a blade of velvet green light

    For her gig was gold until her elvish lover waslost by an electric fire

    His last words were his magnum opus

    Life is like a blue rose

    Daedalian in its seamless impossibility

    But thorny with peril

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    131/155

    131

    She didnt remember the rest because it was a

    enlightenment path

    That she wanted to follow but couldnt do alone

    What she had to remember him by was a ringof duality

    Of crypto dragons and blue rose butterflies

    So I took the first step in a mans journey

    And with her we rode to the tainted fields

    Where poppies grew and it was dantes hell

    Because no snow fell on the tarnished land

    A present we hoped to bring to there

    Representing the slaying of the beast of burden

    That was the true sorrow of the field.

    That said goodbye to blue skys

    Along the way there was a velvet road

    With scarred skys and painted dreams

    And she said to know the right path follow themaster

    That laied out the path to become one

    Since silence stayed with me

    As we walked to her house in the

    Drinking her wine talking till 4

    Talking about how I got here

    Space-time oragami it seems

    A few folded manifolds made it all possible

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    132/155

    132

    So I took out my sub-ethea-sence o matic to

    check this out

    To my surprise nothing was found.

    And then she told me a poem on purple frogs

    That she remembered as a child

    Venture forth to your own iris

    Where purple frogs and blue roses lament

    That is where the strawberry fields lay

    Enter with thy mithral touch

    To leave your fears behind

    For a sorrowful soul is one

    That doesnt see the beauty inside a forget-me-not

    That saved ones soul tonight

    By the intake of the pure air

    On the forever fields

    With the blue roses singing their truth

    She had a garden of the azure rose

    Arranged like the cup of a sunflower

    Then a staccato note ringed threw the air

    A knocking at the entrance of this abode

    The red queens forces seem to have come

    Men with looking glass ties that didnt have anyeyes

    I brought out my hatchet and my friend readied

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    133/155

    133

    herself for the fight

    The challengers said what have you knaves?....

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    134/155

    134

    Etheral Blade

    All I have is a ethereral dagger with an elvishtext in a obscure dialect engraved uponthe blade

    When it rings it sounds the song of a cagedflower

    Of which only the ones with the true ears cansee

    The colours of its ring

    For it helped me go to my destination

    Of opening the 10th door

    As a crypt needing an word to open

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    135/155

    135

    Furtive Dance

    to be or not to be?

    That is what my fears are.

    So I hid behind a mask of dance

    A game played by me and all

    To hide behind a mask

    To know thyself is really to win

    To lose is to not change

    An ultimate evil of our seeing minds eye,

    Contemplating our existance inside us?

    Now I say To be or let it be

    And instead try to face piles of trials with smiles

    SInce all you need is love to make the world goround.

    For its the one I love that I am looking for

    threw looking glass ties and lucys skys

    Even marshmellow bridge will eluded me

    I have been Across the universe

    But back home I still came

    Looking for a kindred spirit to walk with me

    To find the place where blue skys havent saidgoodbye

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    136/155

    136

    Kings Sword

    Inherited a sword of elvish antiquity I have

    It was one of my uncles keepsakes

    rumored to have slain a bandersnach

    A reprise of this lore my I set my eyes on

    For I loved the sword drove me to that (conclu-sion)

    Vorpal and ethereal it was

    So that it couldnt be touched by the gods

    Yet here I stood with it

    Upon the strawberry Fields

    To slay the dark dragon for its blood

    For the blood in my veins wasnt mine

    But of a velvet dragon

    For a curse lay upon me

    Not be able die but to live

    To posses a my soul into a freeze

    And to be entombed in a blue diamond

    And a blood sucker I would have to be

    Of only dragons I shall dine

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    137/155

    137

    Love white dreams

    You love white dreams

    I like pink truth

    We know how blue diamonds moan

    Please have her feel individal skys

    The ones that you cant go through

    If purple observations love you so

    It will let winters ache flood in

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    138/155

    138

    Marble Orchid

    Sister Deaths cold marble orchid

    Where flowers fall for her customers

    That never seem to leave

    Where griefs game helps when played as a team

    And Love is the eternal that only is

    For these fields are the last ones we wont see

    But we shall live eternal , in our childrens eyes

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    139/155

    139

    New year

    All hail the good grace of the new year!

    May your resolutions come true

    And your bad habits go stale

    For woe is the one that cant keep promises

    To themselves.

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    140/155

    140

    Purple Frog

    Venture forth to your own iris

    Where purple frogs and blue roses lament

    That is where the strawberry fields lay

    Enter with thy mithral touch

    To leave your fears behind

    For a sorrowful soul is one

    That doesnt see the beauty inside a forget-me-not

    That saved ones soul tonight

    By the intake of the pure air

    On the forever fields

    With the blue roses singing their truth

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    141/155

    141

    Tenement

    Telling the darkness my deepest fears

    My ears ring the sound that just isnt there

    Of the breaking of neon idols in the pure whitelight

    I started reading those tentament halls

    They cut me in my anger and my shame

    For a mere prophets script was upon those walls

    That led me to my fate of the sails of quicksilver

    To bleed without wound

    To absorb the tears but not shed any

    And on no ones side and everyones at the same

    To lay myself down against all odds

    To confort when the pain is all around

    When I lay my cards on the table

    After the flop comes down

    I shall be healed

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    142/155

    142

    Reality Lost

    Reality has turned me down

    because of my affair with seraphrim

    I have been listening to my fears too long

    So I lost the warmth love gave me

    And replaced it with a cold hard silence

    To find my way back I only needed one thing

    A truely kindred spirit that I could share

    Whats truely inside my heart

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    143/155

    143

    Sakura Rhapsody

    When the sakura flowers sing their sweet rhap-sody

    Of being in bloom and suicide

    For they commit both in their prime

    Instead of taking heed of the Lotus

    That is the true path to salvation

    For when white carnations dont line your path

    Dahlia has befriended you

    So when you try to choose your path

    Try to use the rose that you hold within

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    144/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    145/155

    145

    Valkrye Stopped

    When the valkrys stopped suddenly

    Their glorious song

    The magic was lost in a curious way

    Only reserved for the truthsayers it is said

    And to ride with backrwards talking white knights

    Playing like pawns to a queens game

    Until the great change of 42

    When some went roin to fight the woman

    To slay the beast that had she had begotten.

    So that red queen would have a rolling head

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    146/155

    146

    Vorpal Blade

    Inheriting a elvish sword

    (A realm sword ;A sword of kings)

    Wondrland wasnt the same, ever!

    Its name, the bandersnach slayer

    The vortex eater,

    Inherited a sword of elvish antiquity I have

    The sword of the king of the realm

    For wonderland was never the same without it

    rumored to have slain a bandersnach

    A reprise of this lore my I set my eyes on

    For I loved the sword drove me to that

    Vorpal and ethereal it was

    So that it couldnt be touched by the gods

    Yet here I stood with it

    Upon the strawberry Fields

    To slay the dark dragon for its blood

    For the blood in my veins wasnt mine

    But of a velvet dragon

    For a curse lay upon me

    Not be able die but to live

    To posses a my soul into a freeze

    And to be entombed in a blue diamond

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    147/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    148/155

    148

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    149/155

    Part V

    Afterward

    149

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    150/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    151/155

    Part VI

    Thoughts

    151

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    152/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    153/155

    Part VII

    acknowledgments

    153

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    154/155

  • 8/9/2019 Within all of us

    155/155

    155

    S pecial thanks to the latex2e project for providing a typesetting program.

    Also AucTex and emacs for providing a typesetting environment. Even morethanks to everyone that has actually read my poems and friends and family.