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Search... MUST READ Stop Procrastinating HOME SECTIONS » OUR AUTHORS » WEBINARS » ECOURSES VIDEOS RESOURCES » KEY TOPICS » Home / Defenses / Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. They may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have dated relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom they’re truly compatible. The point of this article isn’t to stereotype all single women or men or to put anyone in a box. However, for people, particularly those over 30, who are looking for answers to the puzzling question “why am I still single?”, here are some unconventional answers that lie within. When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s hard not to feel that you are a victim. After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isn’t always your fault. But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think. To a great degree, we create the world we live in, although we are rarely conscious of this process. We can, in fact, make a choice whether to see our fate through a victimized lens or choose to be goaldirected and take power over our lives. We benefit from focusing on what we can control and not what we can’t. We can become aware of the myriad of ways we influence the reactions we get from others, even the negative reactions. So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal challenges I need to face? 1) Defenses Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and becoming defended. This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods, when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults. These adaptations can cause us to become increasingly selfprotective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily. If, for example, you were raised by parents or caretakers who were negligent or cold, you may grow up feeling distrusting of affection. You may feel suspicious of people who show “too much” interest in you and instead, you seek out relationships that recreate dynamics from your past. You may then choose a partner who is aloof or distant. It isn’t always easy to see when we have our defenses up. As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think. 2) Unhealthy Attractions When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose lessthanideal relationship partners. We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available. Because this process is largely unconscious, we often blame our partner for the relationship’s failed outcome. We tend to feel devastated or hurt by the repeated rejections without recognizing that we are actually seeking out this pattern. Why do we do this? The reasons are complex and often based on our own embedded fears of intimacy. Many people have an unconscious motivation to seek out relationships that reinforce critical thoughts they have long had toward themselves and replay negative aspects of their childhoods. These may be unpleasant, but breaking with old patterns can cause us a great deal of anxiety and discomfort and make us feel strangely alien and alone in a more loving environment. Our fears of parting with the image we developed of ourselves early on and starting to see ourselves in a more positive light paradoxically make us feel uneasy and may trigger selfattacking thoughts like, “Who do you think you are? You’re not that great.” These fears may cause us to hold on to relationships without 19,625 Followers 5,606 Fans 5,446 Subscribers FIND US ON FACEBOOK PsychAlive 5,606 people like PsychAlive. Like @PSYCHALIVE "Very often, we live out past prescriptions from parents and society without really questioning “what do I want?”" http://t.co/LyzNkvs9lD 10 hours ago "Try taking your friends’ advice on who you should date." http://t.co/UJKzSKfnP3 14 hours ago "It isn’t just what happens to us that matters, but how we think about it that shapes our psychological well being." http://t.co/d9u2r350Qq 16 hours ago ABOUT LISA FIRESTONE, PH.D. Dr. Firestone is the Director of Research and Education at The Glendon Association. An accomplished and much requested lecturer, Dr. Firestone speaks at national and international conferences in the areas of couple relations, parenting, and suicide and violence prevention. Dr. Firestone has... Read More BY LISA FIRESTONE, PH.D. Do You Have an Honest Relationship? 5 Things to Do Today to Save Your Relationship A Challenge to Mothers Everywhere Are You Single for the Right Reasons? 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  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 1/23

    Search...MUST READ StopProcrastinating

    HOME SECTIONS OUR AUTHORS WEBINARS ECOURSES VIDEOS RESOURCES KEY TOPICS

    Home/Defenses/WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often StaySingle

    Clearly,somepeoplearesinglebecausetheychoosetobe.Theyaresimplynotinterestedinbeinginaseriousrelationshipatthistimeintheirlife.Othersaresingleduetothecircumstancesoftheirlives.Theymayhavejustgottenoutofameaningfulrelationshiporhavedatedrelentlesslyandjusthaventfoundsomeonewithwhomtheyretrulycompatible.Thepointofthisarticleisnttostereotypeallsinglewomenormenortoputanyoneinabox.However,forpeople,particularlythoseover30,whoarelookingforanswerstothepuzzlingquestionwhyamIstillsingle?,hereare

    someunconventionalanswersthatliewithin.

    Whenitcomestodatingandrelationships,itshardnottofeelthatyouareavictim.Afterall,otherscanbecruelyouwillgethurt,andno,itisntalwaysyourfault.Buttherealityisthatweholdmorepoweroverourromanticdestinythanweoftenthink.Toagreatdegree,wecreatetheworldwelivein,althoughwearerarelyconsciousofthisprocess.Wecan,infact,makeachoicewhethertoseeourfatethroughavictimizedlensorchoosetobegoaldirectedandtakepoweroverourlives.Webenefitfromfocusingonwhatwecancontrolandnotwhatwecant.Wecanbecomeawareofthemyriadofwaysweinfluencethereactionswegetfromothers,eventhenegativereactions.So,thequestionforthesinglepersonlookingforloveis:whataretheinternalchallengesIneedtoface?

    1)Defenses

    Mostpeoplehavebeenhurtininterpersonalrelationships.Withtimeandpainfulexperiences,weallrisk

    buildingupvaryingdegreesofbitternessandbecomingdefended.Thisprocessbeginslongbeforewestartdating,inourchildhoods,whenhurtfulinteractionsanddynamicsleadustoputupwallsorperceivetheworldthroughafilterthatcannegativelyimpactusasadults.Theseadaptationscancauseustobecomeincreasinglyselfprotectiveandclosedoff.Inouradultrelationships,wemayresistbeingtoovulnerableorwritepeopleofftooeasily.

    If,forexample,youwereraisedbyparentsorcaretakerswhowerenegligentorcold,youmaygrowupfeelingdistrustingofaffection.Youmayfeelsuspiciousofpeoplewhoshowtoomuchinterestinyouandinstead,youseekoutrelationshipsthatrecreatedynamicsfromyourpast.Youmaythenchooseapartnerwhoisaloofordistant.Itisntalwayseasytoseewhenwehaveourdefensesup.Asaresult,wetendtoblameoursinglenessonexternalforcesandfailtorecognizethatwearentasopenaswethink.

    2)UnhealthyAttractions

    Whenweactonourdefenses,wetendtochooselessthanidealrelationshippartners.Wemayestablishanunsatisfyingrelationshipbyselectingapersonwhoisntemotionallyavailable.Becausethisprocessislargelyunconscious,weoftenblameourpartnerfortherelationshipsfailedoutcome.Wetendtofeeldevastatedorhurtbytherepeatedrejectionswithoutrecognizingthatweareactuallyseekingoutthispattern.

    Whydowedothis?Thereasonsarecomplexandoftenbasedonourownembeddedfearsofintimacy.

    Manypeoplehaveanunconsciousmotivationtoseekoutrelationshipsthatreinforcecriticalthoughtstheyhavelonghadtowardthemselvesandreplaynegativeaspectsoftheirchildhoods.Thesemaybeunpleasant,butbreakingwitholdpatternscancauseusagreatdealofanxietyanddiscomfortandmakeusfeelstrangelyalienandaloneinamorelovingenvironment.

    Ourfearsofpartingwiththeimagewedevelopedofourselvesearlyonandstartingtoseeourselvesinamorepositivelightparadoxicallymakeusfeeluneasyandmaytriggerselfattackingthoughtslike,Whodoyouthinkyouare?Yourenotthatgreat.Thesefearsmaycauseustoholdontorelationshipswithout

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  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 2/23

    potentialortofeelattractedtopeoplewhoarentreallyavailable,becausetheyreinforceournegativeimageofourselves,whichfeelsmorecomfortableandfamiliar,albeitpainful.

    3)FearofIntimacy

    Asmyfather,psychologistandauthorRobertFirestone,wroteinhisarticleYouDontWantWhatYouSayYouWant,Mostofusprofessthatwewanttofindalovingpartner,buttheexperienceofreallovedisruptsfantasiesoflovethathaveservedasasurvivalmechanismsinceearlychildhoodPushingawayandpunishingthebelovedactstopreserveonesnegativeselfimageandreducesanxiety.

    Ourfearssurroundingintimacymaymanifestasconcernsoversomeonelikingustoomuch,anunderstandablyirrationalreasonnottodateaperson.Orwemaypunishtheotherpersonbybeingcritical,evenengaginginnastybehavior,essentiallymakingsurewedontgetthelovingresponseswesaywewant.Therealityisthatmostpeoplecanonlytolerateacertainamountofcloseness.Wearedefendedaboutlettingsomeoneelsein.Ineffect,onadeeperlevel,wedontnecessarilywantthelovewesaywewant.

    4)Pickiness

    Ourowndefensesoftenleaveusfeelingpickierandmorejudgmental.Thisisparticularlytrueafterwevehadbadexperiences,whereweweredeceivedorrejectedbyapersonforwhomwehadstrongfeelings.Manywomenstarttohavethoughtslike,TherearenodecentmenoutthereorAllthegoodonesaretaken.Menmayhavethoughtslike,YoucanttrustawomenorWomenareallouttotakeadvantageofyou.Wemayhaveunrealisticexpectationsforapartnerorpinpointweaknessesfromthemomentwemeetsomeone.Whenviewingtheworldfromcriticalordistrustingeyes,wetendtowriteoffarangeofpotentialpartnersbeforeevengivingthemachance.Wethinkofdatingcertainpeopleassettlingwithouteverseeinghowthatpersoncouldmakeushappyinthelongterm.

    Afriendofminefeltclosedofftoamanwhopursuedherformorethanayear.Althoughshesawhimaskind,funnyandsmart,sheconvincedherselfthathewastoointoher.Shesaidhewastooneedyandwassurehewouldwindupgettinghurtbyher.Sheoftenstatedthatshejustwasntattractedtohim.Themenshewasdrawntoinsteadtendedtobeunreliableandemotionallydistant.Atherfriendsinsistence,shefinallyagreedtogoonadatewiththemanwhodbeenpursuingher.Whatshefound,tohersurprise,wasahighlevelrelationshipchoice,apartnerwithwhomshesharedagreatdealofmutualinterest,and,ultimately,genuinelove.

    Whathersandsomanysimilarstoriesshowusisthatwhenwethinkwearesettlingforsomeone,wemaynotbesettlingatall.Wemayactuallyfindourselvesinarelationshipthatissomuchmorerewardingthanthosewehaveexperienced.Ironically,initiallywetendnottotrustthepeoplewhoreallylikeus,butwhenwegivethemachance,wefindthatwevechosensomeonewhovaluesusforwhowereallyare,someonewhocanreallymakeushappy.

    5)LowSelfEsteem

    SomanypeopleIvespokentohaveexpressedthesamesentiment.Theybelievetheywantafulfillingrelationshipmorethananything,buttheybelieveevenmorefirmlythatnooneworthwhilewouldbeinterestedinthem.Weallpossesscriticalinnervoicesthattelluswearetoofat,toougly,toooldortoodifferent.Whenwelistentothesevoices,weengageinbehaviorsthatpushpeopleaway.Whenweremainsingle,itisnotforthereasonsthatweretellingourselves.Ourlackofconfidenceleavesusgivingoffsignalsofnotbeingopen,creatingacatch22intherealmofdating.Manypeopleevenhavetroubleleavingthehousewhentheyrereallydownonthemselves,letalonepursuingsituationswheretheyarelikelytomeetpotentialpartners.Somestruggletomakeeyecontactorarereluctanttoscantheroomforwhotheymightbeattractedto.Whentheyaredrawntosomeone,theymayfailtopursuetheirstrongestattractionsforlackofselfesteem.

    6)FearofCompetition

    Alackofselfesteemoftenleadstofearsofcompeting.Itseasytoputourselvesdowninrelationtoothers,especiallywhenitcomestodating.Whenwemeetsomeonewelike,itsalltooeasytothink,He/shecoulddobetter.Whenweseethatsomeoneelseisinterestedinthepersonwelike,wemaybequicktobackaway.Wemayfeelunwillingtocompete,particularlyaswegetolder,andwestarttohaveselfattackslikeYourtimehaspassed,youretoooldforthis.Ourfearsofcompetitioncanleadustoavoidputtingourselvesoutthere.Wemaybeafraidoflookinglikeafoolorofnotbeingchosen.Wemayevenhavefearsaboutwinningthecompetition,thinkingwewillhurttheotherpersonsfeelingsorthatoursuccesswillresultinaggressionfromtheloser.Thesimpletruthis:datingiscompetitive.Itisscarytotakeachanceandgoforwhatwewantandcompete,butwhenwedo,wemostoftenfinditiswellworthittofaceourfears.Weendupwithastrongersenseofself,andweincreaseourchancesofcreatingarelationshipwiththepartnerwereallydesire.

    7)IsolationandRoutine

    Withage,peopletendtoretreatfurtherandfurtherintotheircomfortzones.Modernwomenaremoreandmoresuccessful,accomplishedandselfsufficient,whichareallextremelypositivedevelopments.Yetasbothmenandwomengetmorecomfortable,beitfinanciallyorpractically,itisalsoeasierforthemtoformabubblefromwhichitisdifficulttoemerge.Itcanfeelhardertotakerisksorputthemselvesoutthere.Afteralongdayswork,manyofusmayfeelmorelikeputtingonpajamasandcrawlingintobedthangoingoutintotheuncertainandanxietyprovokingworldofmeetingpeople.

    Theencouragementwefeeltostayhomeorstaysafeoftencomesfromourcriticalinnervoice.Thisinnercoachoffersselfsoothingwords,Juststayintonightandrelax.Yourefineonyourown.Haveaglassofwine.Watchthatshowyoulike.Theproblemwiththisvoiceisthatitlaterturnsonyouwiththoughtslike,Whataloseryouare,homealoneagain.Youllbelonelytherestofyourlife.Yourenotgettinganyyounger!Noonewillbeattractedtoyou.Manyoftheactivitiesweusetocomfortourselvesactuallymakeusfeelbadintheend,astheyresultinusavoidingpursuingwhatwereallywantinlife.Itsimportanttoresistfallingintoacomfortzoneandtorepeatedlychallengetheinfluenceofourcriticalinnervoice.Weshouldtakeactionandmakeanefforttogetoutintotheworld,smile,makeeyecontactandletfriendsknowwearelookingforsomeone.Weshouldtrynewactivitiesandeventrydatingdiversepeopleasameanstodiscovernewpartsofourselvesandwhatmakesushappy.

    8)Rulemaking

    TheSpaceAroundThoughts

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 3/23

    DoYouHaveanHonestRelationship?

    5ThingstoDoTodaytoSaveYourRelationship

    AreYouSinglefortheRightReasons?

    8)Rulemaking

    Asyearspass,weoftendeveloprulebooksforourselvesregardingdating.Ineffect,weputwhatwehavelearneddownonpaper,butwhatlooksgoodonpaperdoesntalwaysworkinreallife.Whenweactonrulesbasedonourpast,wecancreateaperpetualcycleofdisappointingrelationships.AwomanIknowoncedatedsomeonewithwhomshehadamazingchemistry.Whenitdidntworkout,shedecidedtostoplookingforaguyshefeltastrongconnectionwithorattractionto.Instead,shemadereasonablechoices,andasaresult,shefoundfarlesssatisfyingrelationships.Itsimportantnottomakefixedrulesortobuyintootherpeoplesruleswhenitcomestodating.

    Stayingopenisoneofthemostimportantthingswecandowhenlookingforalovingpartner.Yes,wemightgethurtbutwhenwestoptakingrisks,wereduceourchancesofmeetingsomeonewecouldreallyhaveafuturewith.Relationshiprulestendtogohandinhandwithgameplaying.Theycanleadustoactwithlesssincerityandauthenticity,tocloseourselvesofffromhowwefeel.Ontheotherhand,stayingopenandhonestwillleadustofindamuchmoreauthenticandsubstantialrelationship.

    Seekingloveisntaneasyquest,butitsalwaysbesttotakethisjourneyonourownside.Itsimportanttofightthepatternsinsideusthatholdusbackfromgettingwhatwewant.Wecantshieldourselvesfromtheworldorkeepourselvesfromgettinghurt.Weallcarryflaws,andthesevulnerabilitiesareespeciallyapparentwhengettingclosetooneanother.Thus,achievingintimacyisabravebattle,butitisonewellworthfightingfor,eachandeveryday,bothwithinourselvesand,ultimately,withinourrelationships.

    Taggedwith: BEINGSINGLE DOWHATYOULOVE FEAROFINTIMACY INTIMACYISSUES LEARNTOLOVE

    LIVINGSINGLE MAKINGLOVELAST RELATIONSHIPADVICE RELATIONSHIPISSUES ROMANTICRELATIONSHIPS

    WRONGRELATIONSHIPCHOICES

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    114 COMMENTS

    Previous:StopProcrastinating Next:CEWebinarUnderstandingand

    EffectivelyTreatingViolence

    January8,2014at1:10pmThomas

    Youdorealizethatinthisarticle,earlyonyousaypeopleshouldnotworryaboutsettlingandshoulddatesomeonenicebutforwhomtheyfeelnoattraction,andthenyoulatersaythatpeopleshouldkeeptheirstandardsupandlookforarelationshiptheycanbepassionateabout,andbecarefulnottosettle.

    Canyouseehowthismightbeconfusing?

    Reply

    January30,2014at6:48pmErin

    Somepeoplestaysinglebecausetheywantto.Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthanarelationship.Somestaysinglebecasuetheyareforcedtocareforasickparent.Somestaysingletopursuehighereducationorjobsthatwillpreventthemfromfocusingonarelationship.SomestaysinglebecauseofdevotiontoGod.Theresnotreallyanythingonyourlistthatispositive.Andseeingasthoughthedivorceratekeepsclimbing,Ibelieveitscloseto56percent.Youarebetterofftakingyourtimeormakingsureitswhatyouwantratherthanjumpingintoarelationshipsoothersdontthinkyouareweird.

    Reply

    May8,2014at8:31amIsela

    Nicelyworded.Iagree.

    Reply

    65 1.78k 13

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 4/23

    December30,2014at1:31amGaryBrunecz

    themostimportantfactorinarelationshipismoney,afterallitisthenumberonereasonfordivorce,youcannotbuylovebutyoucanrentitforawhile.Peoplethatareattractiveareeasiertolove,butoncethatbeautyisgone,goodluck.Peoplehaveatendencytosettleforwhatevertheythinktheycanget.Ifthosepreconceivedfactorswerenotprevalent,thanthereislittlechanceofaloveconnection.Itisreallysadthatpeoplehavetohaveareasontoloveothers.Itiscalledego.Anyonecanloveabeautifulperson,butIdaresomeonetoloveauglypoorpersonwithalowIQ,thisworldisfakeandsoaremostofthepeopleinit.

    Reply

    January24,2015at11:03pmRichardWinfield

    Unfortunate,buttrue.

    Reply

    February25,2015at3:47amantoinette

    NoRichard,ittakesworkonbothsides.Whenonepersonresentsanotherpersontherelationshipfailsmoneyisonlyasymptomofwhattherealreasonisjustlikecheating,overspending,lyingandabuseBothpeoplehavetomakeacommittosomethinggreaterthanthemselvesandthatsthemarriage.Onepersoncantcarryit,ithastobeajointresponsibility.

    Reply

    March24,2015at3:46amCharles

    Sotruenicelysaid,Itotallyagree.

    Reply

    February13,2015at12:39pmsanjeev

    whypeacewhomaybemindedthroughgodasinsokindnesswaygodhasgivetousbelivinginourfamilysomanysmallkidswebornasperthesoleofgodgivethehappinesspeaceandsojoyfulllifeweliveeitherwethink,ourwife,kids,mother,fatherissostrongyoumaybedefinewhyyouarechangethelifeaspergodoraspernowyouthink?

    Reply

    June7,2015at6:23amdarthpilsner

    Yourcommentmakesnosenseatall.AlsoGoddoesntexist.

    Reply

    February13,2015at12:55pmsanjeev

    eitheryoudonttrusttruerelationsmaybesideofgodifyounotdidanydreamyouaredreamlesspersononlyyouthinkaboutyourselfabout

    Reply

    March9,2015at6:42pmvickiesuggaheddington

    WHAT?

    Reply

    February8,2014at3:24amValbonaHaxha

    Erin,

    IcouldntstayawayfromreplyingtoyoubecauseyoumadesomestatementsthatIhadthoughtson.

    (Somepeoplestaysinglebecausetheywantto.)ButwhydotheyWANTto?Thereisalwaysanunderlyingreason.

    (Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthanarelationship.)Likewhat,forexample?

    (Somestaysinglebecasuetheyareforcedtocareforasickparent.)Thatdependsonthecircumstances.Inmyculture(inanEuropeancountry),familiestakecareofeachotherevenwhenmarriedorinarelationship.TheydoitTOGETHERtopreserveandbringloveandunitytothefamilyandcommunity.Ifamandoesnotunderstandthat,thentherewouldbenomen.MypointthereAREmenouttherewhowouldbeunderstandingenoughthatyoucareforyoursickparent,andmay

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 5/23

    AREmenouttherewhowouldbeunderstandingenoughthatyoucareforyoursickparent,andmayloveandappreciateyouevenmorefordoingso.

    (Somestaysingletopursuehighereducationorjobsthatwillpreventthemfromfocusingonarelationship.)IcouldnthelpbutbringupAbrahamMaslowshiearchy.Ashenoted,youcantfulfillthetopofthepyramid(educationispartofit)withoutfulfillingthebottomofthepyramid(Love,selfesteem,effection,belonging,etc).Whathappenswhenyouhaveajobandthenfindoutyouremissingbeingloved?Itcouldmeanyourjobwillstillbethereandprobablyevenbetterperformedwhenyouhavesomeonetherewhogivesyoumuchneededsupport.

    (SomestaysinglebecauseofdevotiontoGod.)NotonesingleholybookofGodsworddoesitsayNOTtopursueapartnerandbuildalovingrelationshipand/orfamily.Notasingleone.BeingdevotedtoGodalsomeanssubmittingtohimandhisteachings.

    (Theresnotreallyanythingonyourlistthatispositive.)Youreentitledtoyouropinion.Ibelieveitspositive.

    (Youarebetterofftakingyourtimeormakingsureitswhatyouwantratherthanjumpingintoarelationshipsoothersdontthinkyouareweird.)Icouldnthavesaiditbetter! Takeyourtime,butdontbescared.Butnohavingalovingrelationshipmeansloving,butweird.Ifpeoplethinkthataboutyou,perhapstheyneedtoreadtheadvicecolumnshere.

    Reply

    April21,2014at12:02amturbotchuck

    (Somestaysinglebecausetheywanttheirundividedattentiononsomethingotherthanarelationship.)Likewhat,forexample?

    inmycase,mystudies.icanrelatemuchtothisstatementbecauseiexperiencedhavingarelationshipwhilestudying,theemotionalstresstookatollonmeandaffectedmystudies,imaveryemotionalandsensitiveperson,soendingthatrelationshipandandtakingcontrolovermypriorities,inmycase,finishingupmyarchitecturecoursehelpedmealot,andyeahimanarchitectnowandstillsingle,butwhyamistillsingle?thatwouldbeadifferentstorynow.

    Reply

    December30,2014at4:08amThnkr917

    Obviously,youveneverheardofcatholicpriests,Nuns,Monks,etc.Therearealotofpeoplewhostaysingleforreligiouschoices.Therearealotwhostaysingleforpersonalchoicesthatarevalid.Asforme,IstaysinglebecauseIsimplydontlikemyselfinarelationship.Idontlikemakingsillychoices.Idontlikestress.Idontlikegettingdistractedandlettingotherthingsgoinmylife.IresentallthemenIdatedthroughoutmysonschildhoodwhowastedmyprecioustimewithmychild,onlytonotbeveryseriousaboutmeintheendandyeaImaybepunishingafewgoodguysoutthereforthat,butIjustgottiredofthecontinuousinsincerityandbs.Idontlikeputtingmyselfoutthereforthethousandthtimetogetbodyslammedemotionally.MaybeIdohavebigissues,butifIdontgetintoromanticrelationshipsthenitsnotthatobvious.IfunctiononthejobandIcomehometomypetsandmylife.Ispendtimeonoccasionwithfriendsandacquaintances,butnotromanticones.IguessIsimplyusedupeverybitofmydatingenergywhenIwasyoungandstupidandnowIdonthavetheenergy.IalsofearthatifIdateagainImightslidebackintothatterribleunfulfillinglifeIhadwhenIwasyounger,theonewhereIspentallofmyenergyonromanticloveandnoneofitonmyfamilyandmycareerandmyself.OtherthanitbeingkindoflonelyIhaveagoodlifeandIdontwanttorocktheboat.Iromanticinterestwouldhavetostartbysomehowreassuringmethatthepersonwasgoingtomakemylifebettersomehownotupsetit.

    Reply

    February8,2014at3:27amValbonaHaxha

    Meanttowrite,*notweird,onthecoupleofsentences.

    Reply

    February16,2014at12:09amJulie

    Anexcellentarticle.Thankyouforyourinsight.Iwillmakeuseofit.

    Reply

    February18,2014at2:21amAl

    Ilookafteranagedparentmymum.Whatwomenwantsgooutwithaguywholooksafterandliveswithhismum?!Ilived14yearsawayfrommymumandwhencircumstancesforcedmetogobackandlookafterIintendeditwouldbeforabout2yearshowevercircumstancesforvariesreasonsmadefeelobligedtostay.Icertainlydidnotwantto!AlsomyparentsdivorcedwhenIwas24.Myfatherremarriedanddivorcedagainmybrothermarriedadivorceeanddivorced.AllthismademeapprehensivetowardswomenandbecamehighlyselectiveIntheprocesshavebecomeconvincedwouldratherbesinglethanlivewithsomeonewhodidnthavethesamevaluesinterestsoutlookonlifeletalonepersonalityandphysicalattraction.Mybestfemalefriendatthemomentismydog.Shesadventuresslovestoexplorecutefunnyanddoesntknowhowtoaccessmybankaccount.

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 6/23

    Shesadventuresslovestoexplorecutefunnyanddoesntknowhowtoaccessmybankaccount.

    Reply

    February21,2014at2:52amYvette

    Thisarticledescribesmesoperfectlyitsabitscary.Ididnotknowallthisaboutmyselfbutitmakessomuchsense,andIfeelempoweredwiththeknowledge.However,nowwhat?IneedpartII.Imcurrenltyintheisolationandroutinestage,thecomfortzone.AndIm50.Iwantadoover!Withthisknowledgeanda20,25oreven30yearoldpersonsoptions,Icouldhavereallychangedmylife,maybegottenmarriedandhadsomekids.Now,notmanyavailablemenmyage,intheseneckofthewoods,whoareinterestedinsomeonemyage,andthekidsarealonggonedream.Imokay.But,sigh,whatcouldhavebeen.(Ilearnedmoreaboutmyselffromthisonearticlethancountlesssessionsfromacoupleofunhelpfultherapists.)

    Reply

    February21,2014at6:[email protected]

    Imsogladyoufoundthisarticleempowering,Yvette!Nowwhat?isagoodquestionYoumightwanttoconsidertakingDr.FirestoneseCourseonCreatingYourIdealRelationship,whichbeginsinacoupleweeks.Dr.Firestoneisgoingtoexpandonalotoftheideasshementionsinthisarticle.

    Reply

    February22,2014at12:59pmMatt

    LoveisagelessYvette.Iknowatonofpeopleinrelationshipswhoarentevenhappyletalonefulfilled.Becarefulwhatyouwishforandpassionateaboutwhatyoualreadypossessandyouwillshineforalltowitness!Bewellandnevergiveup!

    Reply

    September27,2014at5:50amHema

    Im27andthisissome!!!Ihaveaguywhoispursuingmefrom6years!!!AndaguyIknowfromayearwhoIhaveahugecrush(love???Tooscaryeventoadmit)buthemightbedatingsomeone,wealsohaveelectrifyingchemistry!!!Ohandmybestfriendoftenyearsandmeareveryattachedtoeachotherinawaythatresultedinourbreakupswithourrespectivepartnersfewyearsago..wealsohadaflingafterthatforfewmonthsanddecidedwearebetterofffriends..

    Imustbeacasestudy.!!Sigh..afterallthismessallIwanttodoistostayhomeandrelax,focusonmyjob,travelandhangoutwithfriends..relationshipisacrazyscarything...

    Reply

    March19,2014at4:26ameloise

    Againabigheapofculturaldosanddonts.Norealoriginalthoughthereanditseemsmorelikepropagandaformonhogami!

    Reply

    April1,2014at7:56amBandara

    Ibecameapartofthatbunchtoo.Iam34maleandstillthinking

    Iliketosharemyexperienceswithotherreaderstoo.Forme,Itwas

    01.Fearforevenaslightcriticism.Ididmanydifferentjobsduetothesamereason.BecauseIwasnotabletobearit.Asingleword,Look,Reactionmakesmerunawayanditmakesadisasterformeandmyemployertoo.Iamveryinnovativeandyesverysmartemployeeandtheyallknewit.

    02.Demandingunlimitedloveandaffection.Thoughiknowitsverybadidea.Lovecannotbeearned.Iamveryaffectionateandtheresnolimits.Itdoesntmeanseverywomenhasthesamecapacitytolove.

    03.Beingromantic.Ofcauseromanticpeopletendtobreakeasilyoncetheyfeelandseeotherpersonisnotromanticasheis.Diplomacyworksbetterthanromance.Romanticmenareverysharpandsensitivefrominsidedespiteofhowtheylooklogicalandsmartwhentheywalkaloneinthestreet.

    04.Sex.Ifyouaretooenthusiasticandimaginative,becarefulasyourmindisfertile.Itmeanstheideasyouprocessinyourwetfertilemindmaycrazyforyourdrymindedpartnerwhodontunderstandany.Nomatterhowmuchyouloveher.

    Ifyouareaknowledgeseeker,youcanreadthebookKeyoflifebyPrashTrivedi.Forabeginner,itmaybetooadvanced.Butitsworthreading.

    Thanks!

    Reply

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 7/23

    Reply

    July19,2014at7:08pmDan

    Iam36andneverhadagirlfriend.(No.Iamnotgay)Justthethoughtoffindingsomeone,tosettledown,tohaveafamilynevercrossesmymind.

    Ivealwaysbeenaloner.IdontplaywithclassmateswhenIwasyoung.Idontkeepintouchwithfriends,colleaguesoutsidework.Ineverseeaneedto.

    Theworlddoesntgettodecidewhatmakemehappy.Idontneedtobewithsomeonetobehappy.

    IamasinglebecauseIchoosetobe.IamalonebutIamnotlonely.

    Reply

    May23,2015at12:02pmRosamundForbes

    IlikeyourcommentDanverytrue.Ithinkthetroublewithmanypeopletheywanteveryonetobethesameandsometimeswhenyoudontsubscribetotheiropinionstheythinkyouareanoutsider.Iwasmarriedforover40yearsandgotdivorcedlastyear.Inowmovedandstartedanewlifeinadifferentarea.JoinedlocalactivitiesandclubswhichIgotomostdays.MywellbeingandmentalhealthasimprovedandIfeel20yearsyounger.Youmustlifeyourlifethewayyouthinkfitnoteveryonewantstosubscribetomainstreamviewsandlifestyles.Goodluckwithyourlifegoodhealthandhappiness.

    Reply

    July21,2014at7:41amsourabhkashyap

    Iwanttoremainsinglebecauseihavebeencheatedplusiamareligiousguy..Andnowadaysnogirlisreligious,theyarejustimmaturewholovetoboozeandsleepingaroundbeforemarriage.Andiamvirginandcelibate.

    Reply

    April12,2015at4:16amIloovatar

    Yep,typicalIndianmalementalitymindset.Youjustwantaperfectgirl(naari)todropontoyourlapwithoutmovingamuscle.Datingisnotforinsecuremen.Dontworryyourmomwillchooseanicedaughterinlaw(bahu)forherself.

    Reply

    July21,2014at7:48pmaaqib

    iamsinglebecausemytoppriotityismycareer.

    Reply

    July31,2014at1:31amSnowdora

    Andforsomepeoplelovemeanssomethingelse,liketheircareer,andtilltheendtheyarejusthappythatway.Butthesepeoplereallydontwonderaboutsuchtopicsandprobablywontreadthisarticle.Lol.

    Reply

    August19,2014at11:49amutfull

    Isthiscontentcopiedfromhereortheycopiedfromyoursite?

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassionmatters/201311/8reasonsyoumightstillbesingle

    Reply

    August19,2014at9:41pmPsychAlive

    Dr.FirestonesarticlesareoftenpublishedonbothPsychologyTodayandPsychAlive.

    Reply

    August27,2014at3:57amJoAnna

    Imnumbers2,3,and4.Sowhatnow?Thisisntthefirsttimetoread/identifymyfearsandactions.ThequestioniswhatcanIdotochangeandhow?

    Reply

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 8/23

    August30,2014at8:26pmTheRealAnswer

    WellicertainlydoblameGodformysingleness,andineveraskedforGodtoputmeonthisrottenearthtobeginwith.Lonelinessisnofunatall,andwhenyourfriendsaresettleddownwiththeirownlifewhichmakesitworseforus.Iwasmarriedatonetimewhichiwasaverygoodlovingandcaringhusband,anditwasntgoodenoughforher.Hardtomeetagoodwomanagainformanyofusmenthatreallyhatebeingaloneandsingle,especiallysincetherearentthatmanygoodwomenouttherenowadays.

    Reply

    October25,2014at5:59pmlilla

    Ihavethesameviewbutaboutmen.Myexhusbandalcoholicgambler.Myfirstexpartnerdumpedmeforayoungeroneandleftmewithhisdebtstopay.Thatonetrulybrokemyheart.Mysecondandlastexpartnerabusedmeverballyandphysically.Hestolethingsfrommewhenleaving.ImtiredTherearenodecentmensoIstoppedlooking.Feelinglonely?..very.Riskagain?No.

    Reply

    December30,2014at2:01amGaryBrunecz

    themostimportantfactorinarelationshipismoney,afterallitisthenumberonereasonfordivorce,youcannotbuylovebutyoucanrentitforawhile.Peoplethatareattractiveareeasiertolove,butoncethatbeautyisgone,goodluck.Peoplehaveatendencytosettleforwhatevertheythinktheycanget.Ifthosepreconceivedfactorswerenotprevalent,thanthereislittlechanceofaloveconnection.Itisreallysadthatpeoplehavetohaveareasontoloveothers.Itiscalledego.Anyonecanloveabeautifulperson,butIdaresomeonetoloveauglypoorpersonwithalowIQ,thisworldisfakeandsoaremostofthepeopleinit.

    Reply

    December30,2014at2:14amGaryBrunecz

    Iunderstandhowyoufeel,Justrememberlooksarethenumberonereasonpeoplebecomeattractedtoeachother,nextofcourseismoney,soifyouhaveacollegedegreeandagreatpayingjobyouwillneverbelonelyagain,mostwomenarelookingforthesefactors,inadditiongotothegymandgetingreatshape,allthesethingswillincreaseyourchancesofsomewomanlikingyou,Itisconsideredatradeoff,yougetwhatyouwantandtheygetwhattheywant.Hanginthere,lifeisnotfairanditisnotourfaultthatgodallowssomepeopletobeblessedwithlooksandotherstobeugly.

    Reply

    March3,2015at5:13ammikedelisi

    buddyiunderstand,iminmy50slook10yearsyoungerandcantmeetwomen,itslikeiminvisibleimverylonelyverydepressedandverysad,icryallthetime.womanclosetomyagedontevenrespondtome,ijustdontwanttobealone.

    Reply

    March11,2015at2:45amlucy

    Itotallyunderstandhowufeel.Ivebeenthere.Myvicewasbingeeating.Thatshowicopedwithallmyanxietyanddepression.Ivebeenseeongatherapistfor3years,andshehashelpedmefromhellandbacktwice.Imnowmakinganefforttoliveahealthylifestylementally,andphysically.1struleistobekindtoyourself.Weareourworstenemy.Startjournalingtoletyourangerout.Nowihavelessangerdyetojournalingand2milewalkseveryday.Ifeelatpeacewithmyselfandfinallyvaluemylife.Hanginthereyouwillgetit,justtalktoyourdoctorandbehonesttowardsyourself.Ihadtoletsomepeopleknowhowifelt,itwasnteasybutyouwillgetthecouragetoeliminatewhatstoxicinyourlife

    Reply

    April15,2015at8:02pmSeysha

    Therearegoodwomenoutthere.Iamone.ItsarealshameIvenotmetamanyet.

    Reply

    May24,2015at8:39pmRoy

    Iminthesameboatasyouok.

    Reply

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 9/23

    September27,2014at9:22amanon

    myageistoooldforbeinginarelationship,ibelieveyoucaneasilydateonlywhenyouagegrouphaveabigdatingpool,anditdependsthecountrywhereyoucomefrom.Whereilivepeoplearoundtheirlatethirtiesandtheirearlyfortiesarealreadysettledormarried,separatedordivorced,(idontlikeseperatedordivorcedforarelationshipsorry,ithinkyouhavetobeafooltoacceptthemimo),soitsalsonoteasytogetagoodfriendbecausetheyarealltakenbyhusbands,letaloneahusband.youcangivemeanadvicetotravel,butihavenofriendstotravelwith,itsnotgoodtogooutalone,mostpeopleonlygiveyouattentioniftheyseeyouinapeergrouporwithtwoormorefriends.howevermyparentsarealsoagainsttravelling.theygetmadifitellthemimgoingsomewhere.alsoidontgooutmuhandifyoudontgooutagainyourchancesofmeetingsomeoneisfarmorerestrictedthananyonewhogoesoutduringeventsorwithfriends.Yesigooutbecauseihavetogoouttowork,imeetdifferentpeopleinthatareabecauseiworkasataxcollectorandacashier.stillibelieveitsnotenoughalthoughsomeofmycolleaguesmettheirsignificantotherat

    theirjob,justlikemyfriendT(onlyhernameinitial)shehastwosons.iamconstantlybotheredwhyiamchiildlessandisaidilikepets,andiamconstantlyinterviewedlikepaparazziaboutmys..lifeorwhyiamchildlessitmakesmesadotherscommentedbeingsadandlonelllyaboutsingles,andthatstheyarebeingaskedallthetimewhy?itslikehavingacancerinsocietyitmakesmesingledout,althoughimtheonlysinglethere..itellthemthattherightpersonhasntcomeyet,andigetanswersthenhowlongishegoingtotake..itssostupidhavingtoanswerallthatstuff,howeverthisisnotbeingaskedtomycolleagues.ifpeopledonotcometoaskyousomestupidquestionsyourlifewouldbegreatbutunfortunatelywwepeoplegetallthesequestionsan9hourshavingtolistentothemisnojokeitsnotmyfaultiamsingle,ithappenedtobelikethat,wheniwasateenagerandatschool/collegeihadfriends,andiusedtogooutwitmybestfriendandhangedoutwithherduringlateeveningsuntilshefoundherman,thenideciededtojoinayouthfellowship,foundfriendsdidthesame,butfoundtheirsignificantotherandyouknowwhentheyfindtheirmatetheyleaveyouthisisthecircleoflife,peopleseekfriendswhentheyhavefoundtheirhubbytheystopseeingfriends.andseeonlyfewatmyagearestillinthefriendsstage..iwouldbehappyalonebutiwouldliketohavefriendstogoouttopartywith.itshardtofindatmyagethatstheproblem.secondlythosecommentsigetfrompeoplewithfamilyeverydayareveryhurtful.

    Reply

    October8,2014at7:26pmCarolO

    Ihavenowbeenalonefor36years.Why?BecauseIwanttobe.IwasmarriedbeforeplusinrelationshipsbutImuchrathercookifIfeellikeit,eatwhatandwhenIwant,sitatthecomputeralldayifIwantandnothavetoprytheTVremotefromamansfingerstowatchaprogramthatIlike!Igetthereclinerorthecouch,IgettosleepinthemiddleofthebedandIcanleavemypajamasonalldayifIwant.Andthebestpartisnothavingtolistentoanyonesoultalkingaboutthemselvesalldaylong.

    Reply

    October12,2014at1:09pmNick

    Welltherearemanyofusmenouttherethatreallyhatebeingaloneandsinglewhichdoesmakeusthemuchweakersex,whereasmanywomenwillalwaysbethemuchstrongersexsinceitreallydoesntbotherthematall.Iwouldcertainlylovetomeetagoodwomanforacompanionshipwhichwouldbenice,andyoudonthavetogetmarriedsinceyoucanstillloveeachothertobetogether.

    Reply

    December30,2014at2:15amGaryBrunecz

    Iunderstandhowyoufeel,Justrememberlooksarethenumberonereasonpeoplebecomeattractedtoeachother,nextofcourseismoney,soifyouhaveacollegedegreeandagreatpayingjobyouwillneverbelonelyagain,mostwomenarelookingforthesefactors,inadditiongotothegymandgetingreatshape,allthesethingswillincreaseyourchancesofsomewomanlikingyou,Itisconsideredatradeoff,yougetwhatyouwantandtheygetwhattheywant.Hanginthere,lifeisnotfairanditisnotourfaultthatgodallowssomepeopletobeblessedwithlooksandotherstobeugly.

    Reply

    October14,2014at3:16amromantic_believer

    HiThere:

    Iama34yearoldsingleguy.IamEastIndian.IthinkmyculturehasalottodowithwhyIamsingle.Istilltalkwithanaccent,andImrathershort54,slightlyoverweight,slightlybaldingatthetopandwearglasses.Iam34butmanypeoplethinkIlooklikeIm40.Ithinkthesephysicalattributesarehugeturnoffsforwomenandthatswhytheyarejustnotattractedtome.

    Iamparticularlyattractedtowhitewomen(blondhair,blueeyes,orblackhair,browneyes).AlsolikeEastIndian/SouthAmerican(Hispanic)/EuropeanandAsianwomen.IamnotattractedtoblackwomenunlesstheyhavethatmulattolooklikeZoeSaldana.Sorry,nooffensetoblackwomen.Iguessbeautyisskindeep.

    Ialsoliveinasmalltownwheretherearefewsinglewomen.Manyofthesesinglewomenhavechildrenandtheirboyfriends/husbandshavedumpedthem.Tome,asinglewomanwhohaschildrenrepresentsextrabaggageinarelationship.ImnotsureIwouldwanttobeinarelationshipwithawomanwhoalreadyaschildrenbyanotherman.IlovechildrenbutIdratherthembemyown.IguessIamabitpickyonthetypeofpartnerIdesire.SinceIamwelleducated,Iwouldlikea

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 10/23

    guessIamabitpickyonthetypeofpartnerIdesire.SinceIamwelleducated,Iwouldlikeawomanwhoisalsowelleducated(universitymaterial).Tome,childrenbehaveandareraisedbetter,whenthemotheriswelleducatedandemphasizeslearninginthehome.

    IdontreallyletallthesenegativeattributesandcircumstancesgetmedownandItrytothinkofallthepositivethingsIhavedonewithmylifesofar.IhavethreeuniversitydegreesandIhaveawonderfuljobthatpaysmeverywell.WithwhatIearn,IhavebeenabletotraveltomanydifferentcountriesthatmanyofmycolleagueshavenotbeenabletoandIhavebeenthankfultoGodfor

    everythinghehasgivenme.Ihavealsotriedtobemoreproactiveandgetinvolvedwithdifferentthingsinmycommunity.IvejoinedToastmasters,IamamemberoftheKnightsofColumbus,Ihavealsojoinedthelocalbadmintonclub.IamalsoplanningtojoinkarateanddosomeboxingandsomeetmorepeopleinthecommunitythatIwouldnotnormallymeet.

    Ivealsotriedonlinedatingtonoavail.Ihavesentmanymessagestoatleast50womenandIgottwoemailsback.Itseemsthewomenjustlookatyourprofileanddontrespondback.Ithinkitisonlycommoncourtesyforthesewomentoreplybackafteryouhaveemailedthem.Iftheyarenotinterestedinyourprofile,theyshouldatleasttypeaonelinerandletyouknow.Sometimesthisreallygetsmedown,Ifeelfrustratedandneedtoventtosomeone.Icantventtocolleaguesatworkbecausetheyaremostlywomenandtheygossip,themalesIworkwithareallmarriedandtheyjustdontlisten.Alsoafraidtotalktomyparents,astheyareabitjudgemental.

    IhavelookedatthisarticleandrecognizethatperhapsImtoopicky,maybehavelowselfesteemandmaybemyculturalandpersonalbeliefsarereasonswhyIamstillsingle.LookingforanyfurthersuggestionsasIwouldreallyliketosettledownandbeahappilymarriedmaninalongtermrelationship.

    Reply

    November8,2014at6:15pmBill

    Youseemlikeagoodmanlikealotofthegoodmenouttherethatarestillsingle.Iamgoingtotellyousomethingthatmosthereoranywheredonotwanttoadmit.Thatis,somepeoplearejustnotmeanttohaveapartner.Itisliketheanimalkingdomwerethealphaanimalsgetthefemales.Womenaredrivenbyanaturaldesiretobewiththealphamales.

    Factofthematteristhisifyouarenotlookingforaplainlooking,chubbywoman,youarenotevergoingtogetmarried.Goodlookingwomenwantattractivemen.Iamnottryingtobemeanjuststatingthetruth.

    Itooameducated,financiallyset(oneblessingfromverylittledatingorwomeninmylife),pleasantpersonality,andeverygirlsbestfriendatwork.However,Ialwaysgetturneddownondatesfromsinglewoman(whethertheybefromwork,grocerystore,online,etc)becauseIamnotgoodlooking,somewhatchubby,andbalding.

    Iam35andhavejustaboutthrowninthetoweloneverfindinglove.IfindthatsinglewomanmyageareevenmoredisgruntledaboutbeingsinglethanIam.MostImeethavealsogivenupandprefertojustbesingleintheircomfortzone.Iamabouttheremyself.Also,IamlessmotivatedtofindsomeoneasIgetolderbecausejustasIamgettingmoreunattractivewithage,soareallthemiddleagedwomen.IamjustlessattractedtothemandrefusetobewithsomeoneIamnotattractedto.So,withthatsaid,Icannotbebitteraboutthefactthatwomenarenotattractedtome.Unfortunately,theprettyonesdontgivemeasecondlook.Thatislifemyfriend.

    IfindcomfortineverythingelseIhaveaccomplishedandtrulyfeelthatyouhavetomakepeacewiththesituationandfocusinsteadonthepositiveaspectsofyourlife.Ihavealottobehappyabout.Iamveryluckyinmanyotherways.IthankGodforthat.

    Irecentlygotaboxer(dog)andsheisagreatcompanion.Shelovesmeunconditionally,wantstohangoutwithme,waitsbythedoorformetocomehomewhenIamoutofthehouse,andcannotaccessmybankaccount.

    Iretirefromthemilitaryin4years,havesavedsincetheageof16andhavestartedconstructiononmydreamhome.Onceretired(@age40),Iwillspendtherestofmylifeindulginginmyhobbies.Itwouldbenicetohaveawomentoshareitallwith,butImoveforwardhappyregardless.Moveforward.Findyourhappiness.Focusonthepositives.

    Reply

    May4,2015at3:04pmIsabel

    Didyoueverfindyourlifebuddy?

    Reply

    December30,2014at4:35amThnkr917

    Itcouldalsobethatyousoundveryshallowandcontradictyourselfwithwhatyouwant.Ifyouwantprettyblondewhitewomenwithauniversitydegree,theyarenotgoingtowanttostayhomeandmakesurethechildrenarewelleducatedathomeasyouindicated.Thisisactually2014not1914.ThisisexactlywhyImsingle,toomuchofthis.

    Reply

    February3,2015at8:01pmRealityCheck

    ManyofyouwomennowadaysjustDontknowhowtoCommittojustOnemananymoreandlikedatingdifferentmenallthetime,soitishardformanyofusmenthatareveryseriouslylookingtosettledownsincemostwomenjustliketogooutandpartyallthetime.

    Reply

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 11/23

    Reply

    October14,2014at5:45amAnonymous

    Thisisaveryinterestingarticle.Ihaveneverbeenmarriedandmyparentsaredivorcedandnotthegreatestparentsever.HoweverIhavehadlovingexperienceswithotherrelativesandrelationshipsandIfeelawareenoughtorejecttheunfortunaterolemodelsandtrytoembracelove.MyexperienceasamiddleagedwomanisthatIamalittleburntoutaftertryingforsolong.Ihatetosaythis,butasabeautifulheterosexualfemaleIfeelthatmostofthemenmyagearesojadedthattheyareseriouslynotopentohavingarelationship.Period.Iamakind,lovingandenergeticwoman.ThemenaresofulloffearIamrejectedasaspinster,toooldandsoon.Ibelievethisistheirprojectionoftheirlastfailedrelationshipthattheyhavereallynotresolved.Mylastrelationshipwassodevastatingitisnotsurprisingthatanyonewouldbecutoffafterfailingsomanytimes.IneverthoughtIwouldfeelthiswaymyself,butIgetsomuchbadfeedback,Icantseethepointofputtingmyselfoutthere.YoucannotbelievetheunkindthingsIhaveheardfromgrownmen.Theseguyshaveissues.Ihavehadtoendmanyconversationsjusttoprotectmyself.Manyofushavebeenhurt,andsomehavenofeelingwhatsoeverthattheyshouldatleastbekindtooneanother.Theyreallydocontinuetoblametheirparents.AsIsaid,Ihave2difficultparents.IlearnedfromtheirconducthowIdonotwanttoact.Somepeopleseemtouseitasashieldoranexcusefortheirbadbehavior.Thereissuchastereotypeagainstsinglemiddleagedwomenthathaveeverbeenmarried.Theseguysreallyhavenointerestinclaimingtheirmanhood.Iamsofrightenedofgoingoutthesedaysinaccountofthecruelthingsmensay.Theyhaveseriousproblems.Hatetosayit,butIblamethemen.Stuckinthepastandhostilitytowardsmiddleagedwomenistheirunresolvedissueswithanothergirlorfailuretomovefromtheexcuseoftheirdysfunctionalfamily.Andiftheyareseriouslyinterestedinremainingsingle,whycouldtheynotatleastbecordialtothesingleladies.Thesemenhavenomanners.WhywouldIgoouttogetroughedupbyignorantmen.IwouldneversaytheunkindthingsIhaveheardoutofthemouthsofpeopleinsocialsettings.Whatevertheirissuesorpreference,theylacksocialgraces.Kindmannersgoaverylongwaytomakingthingsmoveinapositivedirection.Ihavemetaffluent,educatedpeoplewithoutashredofsocialgrace.Thesepeopleshouldreallystayathome.Really.

    Reply

    October15,2014at6:02amromantic_believer

    DearMs.Anonymous:

    IamsorrytohearaboutyoursituationwithmenandIfullyempathizewithyou.Itsgreatyouhaveasupportnetworkofrelativeswhoyoucantalkto,aswell,sinceyouhavealukewarmrelationshipwithyourparents.

    Donttakeittoopersonalwitheverymiddleagedmanyourage.Justbecausethemenyouhavemetarerudeandinconsiderate,itdoesnotmeanthatallmenarelikethat.Ibelievethatthereissomeoneoutthereforyou.Justasthereissomeoneoutthereforme.Justhope,prayandhavefaith.Neverevergiveup.

    Therearetwothingstoconsiderifyouwanttobeinarelationship,seriously:

    1)Peopleyoulovewhodonotloveyouback2)Peopleyouarenotcrazyaboutbutwholoveyou.

    Ratherthanfocusingtoomuchonpeoplewhodonotreturnyourlove,focusonthosepeoplewholoveyou,onesyouarenottoocrazyaboutandonesyouwouldnotnormallyconsider.Thatshowyouwillfindtruehappiness.Findingloveislikemarketingyourproductinabusiness.Ifamanwhostartedabusinesscharged100dollarsforhisproductandtherewere1or2customers,hewouldhavetolowerhispricefortheproduct,sohewouldhavemorecustomers.Likewise,youmayneedtoloweryourexpectationsoftheidealmanforyou.

    Inreality,thereisnoidealmanoutthere.Yes,therearementhatlookattractiveontheoutside,buttheyarerudeandobnoxiousinside.Theymarry,latergettiredofthewoman,thendivorceandlaterfindanotherwoman.Theyappearhappyontheoutsidebuttheyareneverreallysatisfiedinside.

    Then,thereistheoverweightmiddleaged,slightlybaldingguy.Hemightnotseemphysicallyattractivetoyou,buthemighthaveaheartofgold,beatruegentleman.Youbypasshim,yethemakesyoulaugh.Youcaneasilytalktohim.Heisnotjudgementalassomeofthoseattractiveguysandhesimplyadoresyou.Youneedtoconsiderhimseriouslyasyourfuturepartnerbecausewithhimyouwillfindhappinessforlife.

    Alsoyouneedtogetyourselfoutthere.Joinclubswhereyoumeetothermiddleagedpeople.Takeupahobby.If70and80yearoldscanfindlove,thensocanyou.Justnevergiveup.

    Hopethishelps.

    Reply

    October15,2014at2:56pmRon

    Welliwascertainlyraisedbyverygoodparents,andsomanywomentodaywereraisedbyverybadparents.Wellmostofthemwereiwouldsaysincetheirparentsdontgiveadamn

    whattheydonow.Thegoodolddayswerecertainlythebestsincemanymenandwomenhadtoreallystruggletomakeendsmeat,sowomenhadnochoicesincetheyhadtoaccepttheirmenforwhotheywerewhenbothmenandwomenhadnomoneytobeginwithwhichmanymenandwomenhadtolivewiththeirparents.Thatisagoodreasonwhymarriageslastedaverylongtime,andourparents,grandparents,auntsanduncleshadverylongmarriagesbackthen.Todaymanywomenareveryhighmaintenance,andveryspoiledtoosincetheyreveryindependentanddontneedamantosurvive.Womentodaywontsettleforlesssinceitisallaboutmoneyforthemwhichtheywillneveracceptamanforhimselfanymore.Sosincethetimeshavechanged,sohavethewomenwhichcertainlyexplainswhytherearesomanyofussinglementoday.

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 12/23

    explainswhytherearesomanyofussinglementoday.

    Reply

    December30,2014at4:58amThnkr917

    Youcontradictedyourself.Arewespoiledanddontneedamantosurviveorisitallaboutthemoney.Beingawoman,itisfarfromallaboutthemoneysinceImakemoremoneythanmostofthemenImeet.MysisterinlawmakesslightlymoremoneythanmybrotheranditsthebestrelationshipIveeverwitnessed.MostofthewomenIknowmakemoremoneythanthementheyareinrelationshipswith.Wemaybeguiltyofnotneedingamantosurvive,butwearentallaboutthemoney.Manyofusareaboutallthoseotherthingsagoodmancanprovidesuchassupport,companionship,physicalintimacy,love,loyalty,family.ThegoodoledaysyouspeakofdidntfacilitatehappymarriagesitjustfacilitatedpeoplestayinginmiserablesituationsforfinancialreasonslikemyabusedGrandmotherandherchildrenwhoonlyescapedthathellbecausemygrandfatherhadthedecencytodieearlyandthentheygothungryinsteadofabused.Shecouldhavemarriedthenextsuitorsoherkidscouldeat,butsherefusedtogodownthatroadagain.Itakegreatoffensetoanysuggestionthatwomenandtheirchildrenshouldbeputinthatsituationagainjustsosomemencanhavetheiregosrubbed.Thosegoodoledayswerentsogreatforthemeneitherwouldyoureallywanttobesaddledwithawomanwhohatesyouandonlysleepswithyouandstayswithyoubecauseshehasto?ItdoesntsoundlikeagreatlifeforanyoneacceptArielCastroorWarrenJeffs

    Reply

    February3,2015at3:01amSeriouslySpeaking

    Allihavetosayis,wherearetherealgoodoldfashionedwomenlikeweoncehad?

    Reply

    October19,2014at5:40amAaron

    thentherearepeoplelikemewhochoosenottobeinarelationship,becauseasihavesaidbeforerelationshipsarejuststressandidontdealwellwithstress.

    Reply

    December30,2014at5:00amThnkr917

    Exactly.

    Reply

    October31,2014at5:42pmMike

    VeryTrueStory.Mycousinwenttoasinglesdancewithhisfriendmanyyearsagoandsawthisgirlthathewasveryattractedtowhichhesaidtohisfriendthatsomedayiwillmarryher.Wellhereallydidandnowtheyrestartingtheir43rdyeartogetherwithtwogrownboyswhichtheoldestsonismarriedwithhisowndaughtertoo,andmycousinisnowagrandfather.AndGodpunishesmanyofusSinglemenandwomenthatwouldhadcertainlywantedthesamething.GoFigure.

    Reply

    November2,2014at6:44amDale

    Oneverygoodreasonmanymiddleagedmenarecynicalandjadedaboutrelationshipsisthefinancialruinthatmanygothroughaftertheirpartnerfilesfordivorce.Roughlythreequartersofdivorcesareinitiatedbywomen.Aftergoingthroughit,Ijustsayneveragainoverandovertomyself.Allthelonelinessintheworldisfarmorepreferabletomethanthewreck.Istillwearmyring,notasareminderofthepastrelationshipbutrather,asadeterrent.Muchtothedismayofmostofmyfriendsandfamily,Ihavedecidedthatstayingsingleisafarbetterchoiceforme.Totheanonymouswriterabove,divorcecourtiswhymanymenarerightfullycynicalandjaded.

    Reply

    November8,2014at6:21pmBill

    Dale,

    Mybrotherjustwentthroughanastydivorce.Asyoustated,youarenotalone.Storieslikeyoursandmybrothersmakemefeelabitbetteraboutnevergettingmarried.Goodluckgoingforward.

    Reply

    November16,2014at1:29amLee

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 13/23

    IwasdoingasearchwhyamIalone?Readingthisarticleandcommentsremindedmeofwhy.Ifindmyselfgoingthroughlongerandlongerphasesofloneliness,terribleloneliness.Ihavealotofwomenfriendsanddosocializewiththemduringtheweek,butnightsandweekendsarereservedfortheirfamilies(husbands,childrenandgrandchildren).Iamkindoftheirtouchstonetoanotherlife,thesinglemiddleagedwomanfriend.Ipassedupmarriageforacareerthatneverreallymaterialized.NochildrenalthoughIdidwanttohavechildren.Idontwantapitypartyformyselfandmychoices.Ijustwanttosaytoallofyouwhohavebeenbrokenorrejected,dontgiveup.Iwasengagedtobemarriedinmy30sanditwasntthebestmatch.Ishouldhavecutmylossesandmovedonbutwespentyearstryingtobefriends.WhyIaskmyself?Ishouldhavestarteddatinginaseriousway,butinsteadIcloseddownandreallygaveup.Iam53nowandIlookbackandseeclearlyhowIpasseduptryingandbeingopentofindingahusbandandfatherforthechildrenIwantedandthefamilylifeIwanted.Iamveryaloneandnooneinmylifereallyknowshowalone.Mymarriedfriendshavenocluehowdifficultitistodatenow.IwouldratherkeepmylonelinesstomyselfandfillmytimewhenIamnotworkingwithmyinterests.Justsaying,dontdowhatIdiddontgiveuponlove,marriage,family.

    Reply

    November16,2014at3:41pmSallysmith

    IamsinglebecausemenImeetanddatejustwantsexandarenotseriousaboutcommitment.NomatterwhereImeetmenthesedaysitseemsthatsalltheywant.hardtofindamanthatwantsonewomenandaseriouscommitment

    Reply

    November27,2014at6:06amBarb

    YesIthinkwehaveporntothankformensattitudethatitstheirgodgivenrighttohavesexandnotgiveanythingbacksotiredofmenaskingforsexallthetime.getalifeguys!Wearehumanbeingsfirstbuttheydontseemtogetthat

    Reply

    December12,2014at12:35pmJoey

    hmmmitsinterestingthatimamanandifeeltheexactsameway.althoughidontblamepornorgeneralizeagenderlikeyoudo.Iwatchpornonceinawhilebutistillwanttospoilsomonewithloveandaffection.Ievenconsidermyselfattractivetoobutseemsnobodywantscommitmentthesedays.Mylastpartnerimadeclearmyfeelings.itseemedinmyeyeswehadchemistryandmanythingsincommonthatweenjoyedtogether.andshecontinuallycouldntmakeuphermindifshewantedtobewithmeornot(wedidhavenightsofsexrandomly,whichneverledanywhere).Evenaftersexitriedmanysweetgesturestowinherovertonoavail,istayedwithherwhensheneededmeandtriedtomakeherlaughandhappy,alwaysrespectedherfeelings.Thenwhenifinallygaveupandstoppedtryingwemetupagain3monthslaterwhileshehadanewbfthatshedecidedtocomeoutandtellmeabout,ididntask.Isaidcongratsandcontinuedmywork.Samenightsheshowedupanhourlatertoaskifiwantedtomakeoutafterimoffwork.Ilookedatherwithmybrokenheartandjustwalkedawaysayingnothing.Sheclaimstomyoldfriendsshehadtoomanyboozethatnight.Ireallyreallydespisetheiwassodrunkexcuse.butyeaimveryyoungstillonly23butimscaredtoeveropenupagain.Everyrelationshipvebeeninwasverysimiliar.Justpeopletakingmyloveforgrantedandmegettingfedupwithitovertime.

    Reply

    December21,2014at7:11pmd

    Ihavebeeninaverysimilarsituation(mebeinginyourshoes)anditreallysucks!Iunderstandbeingscaredtoopenupagain.Itsnotacceptablehowpeoplecanusesomeoneelsesfeelings.

    Reply

    November16,2014at11:02pmadam

    Imstillsinglebecauseimnotgoodenoughforanythingbutheyatleastimgoodforsomethingbeingcalledrudenamestomakemyfriendslookgood

    Reply

    November26,2014at2:38amRacicot.net

    .Guys,ifyouarereadingthis.cutthecrap..onceyouloseyourcompetitiveedgeandmanhood,itsover.Youshouldntwanttosettleandbepassiveandsubmissivetoawomanitstheworldtoday,notyou!Keepdoingyourthing.Stickbehindyourbeliefsandwhatyoudoandbelieveinyourself.Oneday,awomanwillseethatandbeattractedtothequalitiesshesees.Ifyoudontlikeyourselfandyourposition,thandosomethingaboutit.Changeyourjob,workout,getmanicures,etc..heck,whatever.Butdontquitbeingaman.Havesomeba**sandstickyourchestout.Stopoveranalyzingwhyyouaresingleandwhyyouthinkwomendontlikeyou.Itsnottheydontlikeyou.theyjustdontlikewhattheysee,soCHANGEIT.

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 14/23

    you.theyjustdontlikewhattheysee,soCHANGEIT.

    Reply

    November28,2014at1:03pmJun

    Idontknowifyourebeingserioushere,buthaveyouatleastreadthearticletilltheend?Somereallyattractiveandnicemenstaysingleorfaileveryoneoftheirrelationshipsbecauseofthestuffthatwasexplainedhere.Sometimeslooksaretheissue,butnotalways.AsfarasIknow,Ieventhinkselfesteemismoreofanissue(workingoutandstuffasyousaidcanhelpimproveit,butpeople,meincluded,shouldabovealllearntoloveandaccemptthemselves).

    Nobodyshouldbepassiveandsubmissiveinarelationship,soIdontgetwhyyoureonlyaddressingmenhere.Nooffensebutyousoundedextremelymachoman.

    Reply

    December2,2014at11:21pmSeriouslySpeaking

    Manypeoplestaysinglebecausetheydontwanttheresponsibilityofbeinginacommittedrelationship,andjustwouldwantthegoodlifesinceitismuchCheaperthatway.

    Reply

    December3,2014at8:47pmAnonymous

    Icoulddoallofthethingsyousay(becauseIusedto)andendupwithasuperficial,stupidandannoyingwifethatIhavenolovefor.Thereasonpeoplearehereisnotbecausetheycouldnotfindaspouse,butbecausetheycouldntfindsomeonewholovedthemorlovedthembackwhentheymadeanefforttolovesomeone.

    Reply

    May24,2015at2:18pmISpeakTheTruth

    WellthentherearemanyofusGoodmenouttherethatarecertainlyNotsinglebychoiceandwishthatwecouldvemetaGoodwomantosettledownwithtohaveafamily,andyearsagothereweremuchEasiermethodsformenandwomentoConnectwithoneanotherwiththehelpofmanyfriendsandfamilythatwouldintroduceyoutosomeonethatwouldvebeenrightforyou.Todaythetimesarecertainlymuchdifferentthanitwasbackthen,anditdefinitelywassomuchmoreEasierfindingloveatthattime.TherearereallyNogoodplacestogoanymoresincetheyhadsingleclubsotherthanthebarscenewithoutdrinking,andtheyhadalotofchurchdanceforsinglestoo.Wellthatcertainlyexplainswhyourparents,grandparent,auntsanduncleshaditmucheasieratthetime,andmanyofthemarestilltogetherasispeak.

    Reply

    December6,2014at5:10amabbie

    Howsadaremanyoftheresponses.Ihadallthoseexcuses(andmore)whenIwassingle,andstubborn,andpickyand(Ithought)happilysingle.ThenImetmynowhusbandandcannowstudy,andwork,andcareformyfamilyandpetsandgoonholidaysandwithfriendsandstillhavealovingcomfortablehomelifetocomehometo.Myhusbandsharesallthatwithme,andmakeslife(andalloftheabove)infinitelyeasier.Sononeofthosearevalidreasons.Ifyourlifebecomesmoremiserablewithsomeoneinyourlifethenleavethembutdontwastetimesayingyoudonthavetimeforarelationshipbecauseyouarestudying!Someonewhotrulylovesyouwillwaitwhileyoudoyourhomeworkeachnight,surely?

    Reply

    December9,2014at11:28pmInsidious_Sid

    TheresanotherreasonIcanthinkof.WhenfacedwiththewholetoLTRornottoLTRthing,onemightlookatitobjectivelyandjustdoasimple*costbenefitanalysis*.Ifapersontrulybelievesthatarelationshiptakeswaymoretime,energyandresourcesthatitsultimatelyworth,theymightdecidetothrowinthetowel,dotheirownthing,andhaveotherkindsofrelationshipswithpeopleotherthanpairbond/committed/LTRtyperelationships.Otherpeoplethinktheywillvanishorselfcombustiftheyarenotinarelationship,andwilltrytobeinonenomatterwhatthecostis.Somepeoplemightactuallybedestinedtobesingle,butjustdontknowityet!

    Reply

    December11,2014at1:20amBryanMitchell

    ThiswasoneofthebestarticlesonthissubjectIhavereadinalongtime.Ifounditbrilliantlyinsightfulandilluminating.Then,afterhavingreadseveralofthecommentswrittenbymyfellowreaders,Iwasamazedbythenegativitysomanysingletonspossess.SeemstometheirDEFENSESareonstrong,anditremindedmehowsetinourways(comfortzones)somanyofusare.Peoplefeelthispeculiarneedtodefendtheirchoicesforbeingsingle,forstayingsingle,and,worseyet,theyactuallyseemaggravatedbecausetheirreasonsforbeingsinglewereeithernotmentioned

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 15/23

    theyactuallyseemaggravatedbecausetheirreasonsforbeingsinglewereeithernotmentionedhereornotemphasizedenoughtotheirliking.Ifindthisexceptionallyironicfortworeasons:1)Thisarticlewasnotmeanttobeallencompassingthatis,itofferedonlysomereasonseight(8)tobeexactwhypeopleOFTENstaysingle,makingitcrystalclearthatthesereasonsdoNOTnecessarilyapplytoEVERYONEand,2)Ifsomepeoplefeelsoauthenticallycomfortableandjustifiedandhappywiththeirchoicesforremainingsingle,thenwhydidtheytakethetimetoseekoutthisarticle,readit,andthencommentonit?Iguesssometimestakinourmedicinetastesprettybad,eh?Haha.:))

    Reply

    December14,2014at10:17amTysonS.

    OnethingthatmakesitimpossibleformetodateisthatIneverjumponthechancetohaveaninteractionwithawoman.Heresthething:nobodyneedsyou.Theyneedsomebody,butnobodyneedsyouspecifically.Youarenobodyinthesandsofdatingpossibilities.Ifyoudontact,somebodyelsewillcomealongforthatperson(probablybetterthanyoutoo).Sowhyact?IhavethiswallthatIfeellikeIneedtobeperfectinordertodatesomebody.Becauseofthis,IwonteverdateanyoneuntilIreachthatperfection.

    Reply

    June3,2015at2:40pmAnnette

    Tyson,

    Godcreatedyouandbecauseofthat,youhavevalue.ToGod,youarentonespeckinaseaofbillions.Heseesyou.Ourworldtodaylikestoteachusfromearlychildhoodthatwearearandomaccidentofevolution.ItisnottrueGodcreatedeverything.IbelieveyourmostcriticalneedistohaveapersonalrelationshipwithyourCreator,wholovesyou.IfyouknewhowlovedyouaretoGod,youwouldntseeyourselfasapieceofsandinthedesert,period.Theearthismessedup,yeah,butitsmansfaultwerebelledagainstGodandarethereasonthecreationweseetodayiscursed(althoughitstilltellsofaninfinitelycomplexbutorderlyCreator).IwouldencourageyoutofindaBibleonlineorinprintandreadGenesis111(historyoftheworld),Psalm139,andthebookofJohnthefourthbookoftheNewTestament.JohnwritesthattheWordistheCreatorwhomadeeverything(backinGenesis1)andthenthetheWordbecamefleshanddweltamongus(John1:14)andJohnwasaneyewitnesstohisearthlylife.Ratherthandestroyingouranscestors,AdamandEve,forgood,GodmadeapromisethatHewoulddestroycrushtheserpentshead.Hedidthiswhenhecameintheflesh,livedasinlesslife,diedforsinners,wasburied,androseagainonthethirdday,makingitpossibleformentobeforgivenfromAdamdowntoyouandmethroughJesus.Besttoyou.

    Reply

    December24,2014at8:30pmHumbled_Man

    Ijustgotoutofa12yearmarriage.Divorced,3kidsitsbeenatimeofsomeseriousintrospection.Nowintherapyasanadmittedcovertnarcissist,Icannowseehowmylifehasgonethewayithas,andwhymyrelationshipsstartoffsogoodbutjustliterallyevaporateastimegoeson,withtwopeopleendingupbeingfrustratedroommates.Ireallytriedtochangefromaserialmonogamist(withafewplayboyperiodsinbetweenLTRsofcourse)toahusband/fatherroleanditendedverybadly.Tryingtobeahusbandandparentatthesametimeputme(andespeciallyher)underahugeamountofstress.Mybesteffortstobeagoodhusbandandfatherfailedmybestaccomplishments(Ithought)werediminished,andmyfailingsandannoyanceswereapparentlyextremelyhuge.Myfriendsdontseemeasbeingthisdamaged,butthenagain,theyseemeonceamonth(!)orlessfrequentlyanddonthavetolivewithmedailyortrytoraisekidswithmeorplanfamilyactivities.SowhathaveIcometoconclude?FortheforeseeablefutureIdontplanonenteringintoANYromanticrelationship.Nofriendswithbenefits.Nocasualsex.Nofriendsandtakeitfromthere,noofficialgirlfriendsandABSOLUTELYnolivingwithsomeone.Why?ItsjusttootaxingonMEandevenmoresoonHER.Imnotaterribleperson,butIamacovertnarcissistandIavoidlivingintherealworldandhavethissortoffantasyworldIlivein,onewithlittleornoriskandlittleornochanceofrejectionorhumiliation.Assuch,Iamacontrolfreaktimesamillion.MylifeisSOshelteredandscripted,andwhenpeopletrytobespontaneousorchangethingsIpresentthemwithsuperhugeresistance.Footdragging,procrastinating,whining,complaining.Forgetit!Whyputpeoplethroughthat?!WhyputMYSELFthroughthat?!Sotoaddtothisotherwiseexceptionalarticle,Ithinksometimespeople(likeme)havementalillnessthatjustmakesarelationshiptooimpractical.Letsfaceit.Lookhowhardrelativelynormalpeoplestruggletoworkonandmaintaintheirrelationships.CanyouimaginehowharditisforsomeonewithNPDtopleasetheirpartners?CanyouimaginehowsomeonelivingwithanNPDmustfeel?Ireadtheiraccountsonlineanditjustmakesmesadhowmuchsadnessandemptinesspeoplewithmyillnesscauseothers.Imaybeunwellandobsessedwithmyselfandinwardlyfocused,butIdontwakeupeverymorningwiththedesiretogetoutofbedandhurtorfrustrateabunchofpeople!Imjustnotrelationshipmaterial.Thelastwomenwhoshowedinterestinmewaspolitelyrejected.IdidntgointogreatdetailIjustsaidthatIwasstillnot100%frommydivorceandneededtoworkonmyselfmorebeforeIcouldconsiderarelationship.ShewasdisappointedandIfounditverysweetthatsomeonecouldbeinterestedinaguyleftwithsolittlesolittletooffer.Littledidsheknow,Iwasdoingheramassivefavor!MaybeitssadtosomethatIamokaywiththislimitation(ofnotwantingromanticrelationships)butafterthewaymyrelationshipshavegone,itsprobablybetterthisway.IamjustsoentrenchedinthispersonalitydisorderthatImayneverchangeatall,orifIdochange,notenoughtomakeagoodcompanionforsomeone.Itsjusthowitgoessometimes.

    Iwanttomakeapositivedifferenceinmylifeandthelivesofothers.Ihavetocombatmymentalillness.Alone.Notwithinarelationship.Maybeonedayalongtimefromnow,butnotuntilImmorenormal.ItsjustnotfairtomywouldbepartnerifIsettleforanythingless.

    Reply

    December30,2014at5:22amThnkr917

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 16/23

    Ifoundyouranswertobeoneofthemostsincere,butselfdeprecating.AlthoughIdonthaveyourexactreasons,minekindofboilsdowntothesamething.Ijustdobettersingleandamnotthatgreatinrelationships.Ifeellikerelationshipsbringoutthecrazyinme.Notleaveyou400textsandclimbdownyourchimneystalkercrazybutjust,youknow,lessbalanced,losingyourfocus,notbeingyourselfcrazy.

    Reply

    March18,2015at6:30pmNorthern_Guy

    Wow,yeah.ImusthavebeeninarealheavymoodthedayIwrotethatpiece!But,theshoedoesfit.LifehasSOSOSOmuchlessstresswhenyoudonthavetotryandbalancelivingwithmentalhealthissues(read:tryingtostaysane)andallofthedemandsofarelationship.IfindrelationshipstobeveryverydemandingandIalwaysfeel/findthatIamneglectingsomething,somewhere,somehow.ThisisevenwhenItrytobemindful,andgivingandappreciative.MaybeIjustdontgetwomen.Emotionalconnectionsaretoughforme,andItendtohaveaverylowemotionalIQinthatdespitestudyinguponalotofthisstuff,IhavealmostZEROintuitionwhenitcomestopeoplesfeelingssometimes.Imean,ItrytocareanddocaringandthoughtfulthingsandBEagoodpersontoothers.ButsomehowIjustcantreadpeopleverywell.IamverycerebralIeventryto*wish*myselftofeelmore,butIdontknowwhatthat*feelslike*.

    Anyways,thanksforthereply.NormallywhenIcomeoutwiththatstuffpeoplecanberatherjudgmental.

    Itstruethough.Selfdepreciatingornot,somepeoplearejustinroughshapeandreallyshouldmaybeavoidromanticrelationships.IknowtheysaynobodyisbrokenandpeoplearenotdamagedgoodsbutIgottasay.Ijustdontbelievethatstrue.

    Reply

    January3,2015at6:46pmTheKnownTruth

    WelltherearemanyofusmenthatreallyhatebeingSingle,especiallywhenwehaveaveryhardtimemeetingaGoodWomantospendtherestofourlifewith,andLonelinessisverymuchaCurseforustoo.

    Reply

    January6,2015at4:20amMatt

    Ihavemyreasons,likemoretangiblebutIguesssubconsciouslythereisabitofthis.

    Yearsago,Imovedbackhomefromabroadwithmygirlfriendatthetime,Imeaninwithmyparents,Iwasaprettysuccessfuldudeinmyearlytwenties,wasinsales,andIwantedtostartmyownfirmsothatswhyIwasdoingit.Someonedecidedwewouldhaveacreditcrunchthoughabout9monthsbeforeIwasgonnahittherealbigtime.shestayedawhile,thatwasntentirelythereasonforourbreakup,asinshedidntleavemecosIwasntontopanymore,butthestrainoflivinghere,andallthatjustmesseditup.

    Then,IkindofprojectedallthatfeelingforherIsupposeontothisotherchickIusedtoknow,Ihadpreviouslyknownherfromschool

    (IwasntcoolatschoolandfeltIdchanged,butwhenyoudothatandtryandgobackandshoweveryonehowawesomeyouvebecome,andtheydontwannaseeit,youattachmeaningtoit,anditcandestroythenewyouaswell)

    Ireallystartedtocrushonherwhichisjustnotnormalforme,andIknowwhatImdoing,butwiththisgirlIjustcompletelywreckedit,ImeanifyoucanthinkofathingtodotoputawomanoffIdidit,Imeanreallyridiculousstupidstufflol,andeverythingIdidmadeitworse,IshouldntlaughcositwasactuallyaprettytoughtimerememberIhadlostallmyresources,lostallopportunitytogetthemback,anddidntreallyknowmanypeopleheremeanwhilethegirlIlikedwasoffatauniversitytownwithlotsofpeople,sheneverhadthethingsIhadtolose,andnotthatsheshouldcarebutshecouldntpossiblyunderstandthepsychologicalstateIwasinthatmademethatcrazy.

    Igotout,becameaholidayrep,andohboyifIwasntthebestbangerwhoeverwalked,ImeanreallyIwasputtingitroundlikeamaestro,helpedmetogetoverthings,soIthoughtHeyImstillcoolright,guessIgotitback,dontneedthisjob,Illjustgohomeandpullthesamestuff

    Wrong.

    AlltherealproblemsIhadwerestillwaitingforme,changethecircumstance,changetheman..itworksbothways

    ThebitternessalsobuiltabouthowthesepeopleIhadknownwrotemeoff.

    SoIgotoutagain(notbeforeIhadsatalonefor2wholeyears)

    Savedsomecashandwenttravelling,andboomIwasoffagain,bangingbackpackers,waitresses,receptionists,cleaners,saleswomen,1journalisteven,allsortsofchicks,left,right,centreIcouldtellyouhowtodoit,Icantellyouwhattosay,Iknowexactlywhatisrequiredtogetlaid,Ievenwroteablogonitforacoupleyears.

    SoIamdoingallthisbutincredibly,constantly,ImeanIcouldbeledinbednexttoawoman,butIalwaysthoughtaboutthegirlfromschool,youknowlikethecrazypersonIamHowcanIfixit?TheremustbeawayYoucanfixanythingbutduringallthoseyearsofthinkingabouther,itbecamemorethanahardcrush,IdfallenforherandyouknowshehadprobablyforgottenIwasalive,shewasprobablygladhahaha,Ihavetolaughbutitsnotfunny

    IthoughtandIdontknowwhatthepointofitwassupposedtobefromthousandsofmilesaway,IthoughtIwillwritetoheronfacebook.immediatelythegobshiterystartedtoflowthroughmytyping,whyIhitsendIwillneverknow.SheSkypedmethoughbecauseofit,duringthecallthischickIwasseeingregularlycamebyandIhadtosaygoodbye(IdontlietopeopleIamactuallyseeingsoItoldthegirlatmydoorwhoIhadskypedetc)itwasnothingbutaweirdcall,Ijustmade

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 17/23

    seeingsoItoldthegirlatmydoorwhoIhadskypedetc)itwasnothingbutaweirdcall,Ijustmadeitworseandmoredaft,IbetyousheprobablydoesntthinkIevergetanyone,Ijustcantgethertoseewhattheysee,anditbothersme.

    Anyway,mytravellingdayscametoanend,andIcamehome.Economicallytheworldhadimprovedbythen,andImanagedtosecuresomebridgingfinanceforsomepropertiesformyself,Icouldaffordtorentthemtopaythefinance,butIwasstillabsolutelytoobroketoliveawayfrommyparents,andIwasbrokepersonallyevenlivinghere,andImeanreally,thebusinesswasgrowing,Iwasbuyingmoreproperty,butcashflowwise,Icouldbereallybroke,soIdidntgooutordoanything,youknowbecausesometimesIcouldntaffordmydinner(literallynotfiguratively)

    Whenyoucanteat,whenyoulieawakeatnightworryingaboutyourbusiness,worryingabouteverything,youforgettocareaboutwomen,andhowyouusedtoadvisepeopleonthisstuff,andwhatanyonewillthink,youforgetthewholeworldandyoucloseyourblogdownwithoutwarningImproudandobviouslyIwouldneverexplainthisstufftoanyoneIknew

    IrealisedIcouldnthelpanyonewhosaywasinacircumstancewithoutcashorwiththeirparents,theyneedtochangecircumstanceasIdid,sometimeslifepresentsuswiththingsthatcannotbefixedwithconfidencealone.

    AnywayImstillhere,stillbuyinghouses,stillstayinghomeeverynight,doingalotbetterfinanciallynow,butIamstillatmyparents,andnowherenearinapositiontoliveacarefreelifestyle,andIgenuinelydontwanttomeetanyonenowuntilIamfullysorted.Afewtimesnow,acoupleofmyacquaintancesgirlfriendshave,wellonefullonpropositionedme,andanother2werejustlikedodgy,Ireallywanted/neededtobangem butIdontmesswithgirlsofguysIknow,andIdontcheatonpeopleIaminarelationshipwith(itstrueIdoubtanyonewouldbelieveitwhoknowsmeapartfromtherejectedgirlsinquestion,ImnotevenhandsomesoIdunnohowthishappenedwithoutmyencouragementlol)

    Youknownomatterwhatanyonethinksaboutme,Ivehadmorewomenthanallthemputtogetherandthatsafact(probablydependingwhothemare andIwillagainwhenIgetchance,tobehonestIdontseemyselfsettlingdownuntil40now,andImakenoapologies.Itdoesntmatterhowanyonedefinesme,IknowwhatIvedoneandwhyIvedoneit.

    Stupidly,incrediblythechickfromschoolcanstillcrossmymindfromtimetotime,shesactuallythe

    onewhocouldvesnaggedme,whichshedfindridiculouscosshewouldntwantto,InevercalledherwhenIcamehomeshehasarelativewhoworksinamarket,Ibumpedintohimatthemarketoneday,weneverspokeabouther,hesknownmesinceIwasalittlekid,knowsmyfamily,IcouldtellhenowthinksIamanidioticlunatic,soshemusthaveslaggedmetohim.

    Sonottoputtoofineapointonit,thatswhyIvebeenPROPERLYsingleforyears.ButIamgonnacomeback,bigger,betterandonedayIllbemarriedandloadedwith2.4kidsandwellseewontwe,whomadetherightchoices.

    Reply

    January8,2015at1:50pmSadlySingle

    Thanksforthearticle.Ithinkitsspoton.Givesmesomethingtothinkaboutandactupon.Readingsomeofthecomments,itseemslikemanyareindenial

    Reply

    January8,2015at2:06pmMarie

    ThisisthebestarticlesandallthecommentsareveryinterestingIamasinglemotherof17yrsoldboy.Raisingmysonisanadventureforme,andIguessthatswhyIamstillsingleMysonisnowinuniversityandafullscholarofourcitygovernment.andheresmysonlastXmasmsgIknowImaynotbeactiveonline,butIamalwaysactiveathearttosecureyourfuture.Yoursolitarydayswillbenomore,fortomorrowissafeinmyhands.MerryChristmasmommy,loveyousomuch.

    Reply

    January8,2015at3:40pmMarie

    BestarticlesandallcommentsareveryinterestingIamasinglemomof17yrsoldboy,raisingsonisanadventureformeIguessthatswhyIamstillsingle.Mysonisnowinuniversityandafullscholarofourcitygovernment manformeistherootofeveryprobleminrelationship.mostofthemarenotcontentedtoonewoman,smoker,alcoholics,gambleretc.

    Reply

    January11,2015at4:07pmsanthosh

    Itsreallygoodtoknowmyflawstoovercomeit.

    Reply

    January16,2015at2:16ambleatklty

    Icanidentifywithcertainofthepointsofthearticle:lowselfesteemandamixedsentimentofafearofintimacy.Startingwiththelatter,inmyearly20s,Ilivedmyfirst,whichhappenedtobealongdistancerelationship,withsomebody.Duringthattime,Iwasunawareoftheotherrelationshipsthatshewasengagedin.Uponreturningtothecity,IknewthatIcouldntkeepagrudgeandreinitiatedcontact.Tragically,Ilearntthatshehadbeensexuallyassaultedoverthecourseofthatyear.Iwasconfused,filledwithcontemptandcompassion.Imovedaway,wemetagainonotheroccasions,butasentimentofmistrusthasntbeenerased.Itisimportanttoforgive,buttonever

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 18/23

    occasions,butasentimentofmistrusthasntbeenerased.Itisimportanttoforgive,buttoneverforget.

    Aboutadecadelater,Igaveanothershotatbeinginarelationship.Welikedeachother,buttherewasnolove.Ithinkwasexpectingtoomuch.Infactshewastoointelligentformeonasocialandlogicallevel.Whenmyworkranout,Imovedagain,thinkingthatIlovedher.Sheaskednottobecontacted,butIwouldhavelikedtoattheleastkeepafriendshipgoing.

    Currentlyunemployed,Icantevenimaginebeinginarelationship.Idontevenwanttobewithmyself!

    Reply

    January21,2015at9:25amSophiaEva

    Verygoodarticle.Single,35yearsoldfemale,educatedandgoodjob.Lastboyfriendsaidheisonlygoingtodatestupidoverweightgirlssotheywouldnotleavehim.AsawomanIdonotunderstandthis.Iamnotsurewhatwomanwouldacceptamanbeingcontinuouslyunemployedanddoinglittleaboutit.Istilllookedpastitandstayedpositive.Iamshallowandadmitit.IfIcanmaketimetolookgoodforyou,thenIfeelyoucantrytolookgoodtoo.Forthemenwhorepliedsayingtheyaregoodguysbutthinktheyareunattractive,youcanchangethat.Idontmindmenbeingoverweight,guysshouldatleastshave,trimdownstairs,generallyhavegoodhygieneanddrinkwater.Onereaderpostedthatallthegoodonesaretaken,thisistruebecausethosemenhavelivesinorder

    andwanttomovetothenextphase.Theremainingonesdonothingtochange,looklikecavemen,orisawhore.

    Reply

    January26,2015at7:22amAnonymous

    IfIcanmaketimetolookgoodforyou,thenIfeelyoucantrytolookgoodtoo.Forthemenwhorepliedsayingtheyaregoodguysbutthinktheyareunattractive,youcanchangethat.Idontmindmenbeingoverweight,guysshouldatleastshave,trimdownstairs,generallyhavegoodhygieneanddrinkwater.Onereaderpostedthatallthegoodonesaretaken,thisistruebecausethosemenhavelivesinorderandwanttomovetothenextphase.Theremainingonesdonothingtochange,looklikecavemen,orisawhore.

    Nobodywantsadictator.Iam34.Myproblemisthatallthewomenwithinmyagerangeareeitherdivorcedwithchildren,orhavechildren.Itisonethingtohavepreferences,butnobodywantssomeonetellingsomeonewhattodo.Drinkwater?Comeon.

    OfcourseIgettheweirdosandthegardenvarietycreeps.Likepeoplewithstaringproblems.ThereisthisoldsayingIlearnedlongtimeago,steerclearfromtheladiesstaringatyouastheyarelookingforlust,andunclean.IdontknowifthatcomesfromtheQuranorwhat.

    Iamdestinedtobealone,period.Peopledosomuchtotickmeoffonadailybasis,infactmyheadwouldexplodeifItried.

    Addthesetothedonts

    1.Tellingthepersonwhoyoudontreallyknowtoowellthatyouaredivorcingsomeone(wemendontwanttohearthatcrap)

    2.Tellingthepersonabouthavingchildren.(Seriously,thatwouldmakeanyonerun)

    3.Bringingupmarriage.

    4.STARING

    5.Actingdesperate.

    6.Askingformoney

    7.Complainingaboutnonsense

    8.Makingarealstupidjoke.

    9.Actingstupidonpurpose.

    10.Followingsaidperson(hadthiscraphappenTWICE)

    Reply

    January22,2015at7:46pmrachid

    heyallsometimewedontknowwhatwewantandsometimewemisswhatwewantandwewantliketimelikeme*iwishifindmygirlimeanmyloveforevergoodluk4allciao

    Reply

    January26,2015at7:39amJermaine

    Imnotsingleforanyofthesereasons.Ikeeptryingandfailing.ImneveraloneandIvebeenwithhundredsofwomenbutwhatIwantdoesntwantmeandwhatwantsmeIdontwant.Lotsofsexandlotsofdatesbutnothingsolid.Ihavenoideawhy.IdontgiveupandIcontinuetotryanditsalwaysthesame...datesandsexbutnorelationship.AllmyfriendsthinkImastudanditsannoyingbecausetheyareallmarriedexceptme.IalwaysgotthegirlsandIstilldobutcantkeeponetosavemylife.IwishIcouldsecretlyinterviewallthesewomentofindoutwhyamIalwaysusedas

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 19/23

    savemylife.IwishIcouldsecretlyinterviewallthesewomentofindoutwhyamIalwaysusedastheboytoyandneverapotentialpartner.Iwillneverunderstandthisgiftthatisacurse

    Reply

    March18,2015at6:32pmNorthern_Guy

    Dude,thatswhytheycallthematingarenaanARENA!Itsroughoutthere!Andsometimesifwelookrealcloselywemightfindwehavehigherexpectationsforourpartnersthanwedoforourselves!(Notsayingyouinparticular,butalotofpeople,alotofthetime.)

    Reply

    January31,2015at5:25pmReally.

    therearetomanydateingsites.tomuchfreesexwaytomanySocialpaths.tomanyloveadditsanddruganddrinkingbarhoppingpeoplejustlookingforsomeonetousewaytomanylonelypeople..andtheirisnorealloveinthisdayandagewelivein.noonewantstotaketimetogettoknowanyonetheyjumpintellingyoutheirlifestoryanditsneveragoodone..orifyouhaveyourownplacecarjobtheywanttomoverightinwithyouveryfastandtakeoveryourworld..welltheyfellinlovewithyouveryfastandIknowfromithappeningtomemorethanonce.fastloveleadstofastHatesoifyoucanstaysingleandtakecareofyourselfandyourfamilythanplsdosoforyourownsake..donotthrowawaywhatyouhadtoworkveryhardforonLovewishIwouldofknownthesethingswhenIwasyounger)

    Reply

    February9,2015at1:53pmPaul

    ButwhataboutmanyofusSinglepeoplethatreallyhatetobeAlone?,especiallywhenallyourfriendsandfamilymembersareallmarriedwiththeirfamiliesandwerestillNot.Reallysucksdoesntit?Andiamsurealotoftheothermenandwomenouttherewouldcertainlyagreewithmetoo.ReallymeetingtherightpersonisveryhardnowadayssincetheDivorcerateissooutofcontrolnow,unlikeyearsagowhenmanymenandwomendidmaketheirmarriagework.

    Reply

    February14,2015at10:57pmRichter

    Nobodyinthissituationknowswhatyoumeanwhenyousayunrealisticexpectations.Itmeansnothingthatweknowof,butisprobablycodeforsomethingalongthelinesofyoumightnotreallyhaveallthatmuchgoingforyou.Ofcoursenoonewilltellyouthat,soyoudonteverKNOWthat.IthinkitssafetosayifyourgoalistodatethePresidentofBoliviaoraVictoriasSecretmodel,thatsunrealistic.Butotherwise,singlepeoplehavenoideawhatthatphrasemeans.

    Reply

    February16,2015at7:23amNatalie

    Havingspentmostofmyadultlifesingleiknowallthedifficultiesthatcomewithit.Butifirmlybelievesomepeoplearereallybetteroffremainingsinglefortheirsakeandthesakeofthosetheybecomeinvolvedwith.Ialwaysknewiwasselfcenteredbutthoughticouldchangewhenigotmarried.Iwaswrong.14yearswehavebeenmarriedandwehavegrownmoreapart,notclosertogether.Notlongagoduringafighthetoldmeiwasthemostselfishpersonhehadevermet.Thatwasquiteablow.Whileheisnopicnicbaskethedoesgivetoothersmorethanido.Iknowihavecompassionforthelessfortunatebutneverlearnedtobeaverygivingperson,oratleastitwouldseem.Inanyrelationshipyouhavetogivealot.Makesureyouareready.

    Reply

    March5,2015at6:39pmCheatedonexwife

    Youknow,itwasstatedthatabadroutineofworkandstayinginisalmostafaultofourownmaking.Myexlivesfourstatesawayandonlyseesourkidseveryotherweekend.IhavenointerestinbringingabunchofmenaroundmykidsandasasinglemotherIambarelyabletokeepupwithwork,ahouseholdandallthedemandsofmychildren.

    DoesthismeanIdontwantarelationshiporthatImakemyselfemotionallyunavailable?Absolutelynot.ItmeansthateveryotherFridaynight(ifIamnotworkinga6thor7thdayfortheweek),IamdyingtoputmyfeetupwiththatglassofwineandputtheTVon.NotbecauseIamavoidingintimacy,butmorebecauseinthosemoments,Ihavenodemandsputonme.Nohomeworktogoover,nodinnertomake,nolaundrytorotate,norunningtowhateversporting/school/socialeventIhavetobeMomsElCheapoTaxiforandnoworryingoverhowtopaythebillsonmymeagersalary.

    So,Iaskthisquestionwhereanddoesapersonthatisgenuinelyexhaustedmeetsomeoneelsethathasjustasmuchontheirplatetosharethisinsanitycalledlifewith?

    Reply

    March9,2015at9:37amHelen

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 20/23

    March9,2015at9:37am

    Iliketheideaofbeinginloveandhavingarelationship,butthetheoryisdifferentfromreality.Anyrelationshipwillgostaleinafewmonths/years.Plus,IdontthinkIcouldhandlethestressofsomeonecheatingonme,walkingoneggshellslestIupsetthem,havingtocook/cleanupaftersomeone,neglectingmyfitness,notbeingabletorelaxinmyownhome,andmany,manymorereasons.IthinkIamluckytobedivorced.EverytimeIhearamantalkabouthiswife/gf,Ithinktomyself,thankgodIamsingle!!!!

    Reply

    March18,2015at6:36pmNorthern_Guy

    EachdaythatgoesbyIamstrongerbeingsingle.IamnotaloneIhavekids,family,friendsevenmyexwifeisapartofmylifenow,justinadifferentandlimitedway.Butitsalmostbetter,becauseasahusbandIcouldnotmakeherhappynomatterhowhardItried.Wassheimpossibletoplease?SomesayshewasprettydemandingandunwillingtocompromiseOrwasIputtingtoomucheffortintothewrongthings?DidIjustmisstheboatentirely?Webothhavesignificantcommitmentandintimacyissueswhostosaywhostoblameforwhat?Iamgoingtoenjoythissummer,freefromwhatfeltlikeawholelotofworkandfrustrationonlytohaveanunappreciativeaudienceattheotherendofit.Itsucks,despiteyourbestefforts,tohaveanunhappyspousewhoonedaysaysenough.

    Reply

    March25,2015at6:01pmBryan

    WhydidIreadthis.

    Reply

    April6,2015at3:07pmPaul

    WellformanyofusthatarestillSingle,idofeelthatGodistoblamesincemanyofusDidntwanttobesinglewhichmanyofuswantedtobemarriedwithafamily.WereNotsinglebychoice,thatisforsure.AndconnectingwiththerightpersonforusisveryDifficultforusrightnow,especiallyforusGoodmenlookingforaGoodwomantosettledownwith.

    Reply

    April19,2015at4:46amMrezaHabibi

    Ithinkthatsomepeoplewanttohaveralationbutdontknowabouttruecontactandwhatsayandhowsayfirsttime

    Reply

    April20,2015at8:59amDeborahLindy

    Ithinkamjustugly.Myheighthasalsocontributed.Mencomemywayandcomplimentbutitdoesntgetanyfurther.Beinglonelyisntfunguy.Ifuraladyanduhavesomeonewhosserious,holdontothemandappreciate.Otherwisesomeofuswishwehadthem.

    Reply

    April22,2015at12:39pmexdater

    IusedtobeverysuccessfulatdatinguntilIwas26,andafterthat,everythingwentdownhillquickly.

    Todaywithalmost31yearsold,Ihavebeenyearswithoutdating,exceptfrommaybeadateevery9months,afterwhichthegirlusuallywantstoknownothingaboutmeanymore.Mylastdatewaslike6monthsagoitwasagirlIhadmetinabar,andwewentforadrinkduringtheweek,andsheabruptlyescapedthedatewithaIhavetomeetafriend,onlylike1hourafterthedatehadstarted.

    Imnotexactlysurewhathappened.SomepeoplesayitsbecauseImbalding,butIdontwanttothinkwomencanbesosuperficial.Maybetheyareright.Idontknow.

    Inanycase,Imstartingtogiveup,andlearningtobeonmyown.

    Reply

    April28,2015at2:05amRealityCheck

    Withsomanyveryhighmaintenancewomenouttherethesedaysitcertainlymakesitveryhardforusgoodsinglemenmeetingagooddecentonetoday.

    Reply

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 21/23

    April28,2015at3:47amjustapeson

    Ifoundthisreallyhelpful.Iamstilllostbutmostlybecauseicanttellwhichorhowmanyofthesearethetruecauseofmyproblem.Iamonly17andambynomeansdyingforarelationshipbutiwasbeginingtothinkthattheremaybesmothingwrongwithme.Ihavealwaysbeenalittlemoreobservantthanotherkidsandwheniwasinthefirstgradeandgirlswherealreadyfightingoverguystdateiwasdisgusted.icametohateitwhenpeopletrytoflirtwithmeandiwouldwaituntilhighschooltodate.butnowthatitsnotoktohaveaguyfriendiamjusttoscaredorindifferentforarelationship.Ibegantothinkiwasaromanticorasexualandthatmayeiwasbetteroffwithjustfriends.buticonstantlyremindedthatigaveuponafightthatineverstartedandiammorelostthanever.Atfirstireallyfeltlikeitdidntmatteriwasjsutahighshoolerandididntneedtoworry.butireallyfeellikethatsnottrue.imawkwardnowfromputtingthisoffforsomanyyearsandithinkitwillonlygetworsefromhereonout.andinaselfevaluationitseemstobemyonlyrealprolbemwithmyselfrightnow.iamconsernedandindifferentallatthesametime.

    Reply

    May4,2015at6:40pmJack

    Lol,allnottruethereisonlyonereasonnoequityorreturnoninvestment.

    ImwealthyinphenomenalshapebecauseallIdoisworkandworkout,IspendtimeenjoyingmylifedoingwhatIlike.

    Theproblemismostpeopleareselfishandselfentitled.Imakethingshappen,Idonttalk,Ido.ThatswhoIamandImnotgoingtosacrificingeverythingIworkedhardfortotakecareofalayaboutwithnoambitionforthenextfiftyyears,ImgoingtofightandpushandworkmywaytothetopandenjoywhatlittletimeIhavelivinglifetothemax.Inthislifeyoucanonlycountonyourself,startinvestinginyourself,youshouldntneedanyoneelsetobehappy.

    Reply

    May10,2015at12:49amAaron

    Hi,Mysituationisweird(Ireadsomecommentswhowouldagreewithme).Im29maleusuallywomanfindmeattractivebutIalsohavebabyface(cute)whichImtotallyafraidofnow.Imverycomfortablewithmostofthewomenandtheyalsofindmecomfortabletohavearound.But,nobodyshowsinterestinmethewayIwantedseriousrelationship!Imstillkindofapunchingbag/friendlytoy/boytomostofthem.Idontunderstand,IsitthatIneedtomanupandbehavedifferentlywiththeoneIlikeORIshouldjustwaittofindtherightone?

    Reply

    May15,2015at12:02amJen

    Thisarticledisgustsme.Letmetellthisyousadsaps.

    Tofindsomeonesuitableforyou,istofindsomeonewhosharesthesamethingsasyou(noteverything,canbeacoupleofthings),wantsthesamethingsinlifeaswell.Relationshipsisaboutwhatyoubothcangiveintotherelationship(dontgofor50/50,go100/100foreachother).Ifyouarelookingfor10thingsinapartner,dont,justfindthetop4or5thingsinafuturepartnerthataremoreimportant,andkeepyourstandardsnottoohighornottootoolow,remember,youwantabestfriend,apartner.Forthemostpartwhyrelationshipsbreak,islackofpropercommunication(naggingaddsstresstopartners),lackofcommoninterestsandalwaysgivingnegativeenergy.YouguyneverbothertolookinthemirrorandsaywhatcanIdobetternexttime?,butitsalwaysthepoormesyndrome,cutthatout,itsamassiveturnoff.WhenIfindguys,Iamlookingforcommoninterests,hobbies,viewsoncertainthings,somethingthatcomplementsmylifeandviseversa.Ifagreatguythatkeepschasingyouforawhile,justtakethatchance,youneverknowwhoheisunderallthatIfoundmyboyfriendononeoftwodatingsites,Ihadafewdatesononesiteaftertalkingtotheguysforawhile,buttheresnothingthereaftermeetingthem.Theotherdatingsiteiswaybetterandmoredetails,5categorieswithpercentmatchesetc.oneguyihavebeentalkingtoonthatsite,wasonlyinterestedinmeofhowmucheducationIhad,nothingelse,nevertalkedwithmeforaweekanddecidedtoplanadate.butduringourtextmessages,howhetalkedtome,therewassomebadwarningsigns,tryingtoimpressmejusttogetsex,soicanceledthedate.Thesecondguyonthatsamedatingsite,hewasanerdwhowasopenminded,smartandlikestogoonadventures(threethingsiamlookingforinaguy),afterafewdates,welearnedhowmuchmorewehaveincommonandwhatwewantinlife,itsalmostexact Andtodayisourthirdmonthanniversaryandwearealreadythinking/planningahead,anywaysYouguysshouldsmartenupandbetteryourselvestohelpgainthetypeofrelationshipyoutrulywanted,getahobby,learnsomeskillsetc.

    Onemorething,childrenneedsastayhomeparenttoteachandraisetheirkidsandnotstrangers,thatiswhysomefemalesarelookingforafinanciallystablemen!

    Reply

    May17,2015at3:08pmtess

    YeahIagreewithothercomments.ButIamsinglebecausenoguyapproachesme,Ithinkitsbecauseofmyskinproblems,maybetheythinkIhaveHIVorwhatIdontknow.yeahIwasnt

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 22/23

    becauseofmyskinproblems,maybetheythinkIhaveHIVorwhatIdontknow.yeahIwasntreadymaybe2yearsagobutnowIaminmy30sIamreadytohaveapartner,readytohavesexowyeahImcravingforit,IonlyhadittwiceinmylifewhenIwas27yearsold,readytohaveachild.SometimesIjustsitandthinkthatmaybeIwillneverhaveamanInmylifebecauseIamnotattractive,ormaybeGodwantsmetofocusonHim.

    Reply

    May17,2015at4:38pmJenniferAnne

    tomebeingsinglewasafreeingemotioninmy20sand30s.Ialwayswantedsomeonetocomplimentmygoalsandaspirations.Ifallintothecategoryofdatingadventagousmen.Nowinmy40samsoshockedatthestigmacouplesformtowardssinglesespeciallysinglewomeninour40s.Itisamazingthattheworkforcemakesyouintosomeonethatmustsucceedhigherthanthemomjustworkingtoputfoodonthetableorcomparedtotheothersinglewomanwhomholdsherselfasapowerhousewiththeboysclub.Formebeingsinglehasbeenmoreofacursethanablessing.Ohandfarfromuglyjustputintothesinglelabelformanydecadesofmylife.tiredofthestigma.

    Reply

    May20,2015at10:15amJourneyman2015

    Iam26yearsoldaboutto27nextmonthandIhavefoundthatspecialsomeoneIdoseemyselfwithfortherestofmylife.InthebeginningwedidhavesomethingspecialgoingbutnowithasdeterioratedduetomylyingmanipulationandotherdumbthingsIhavedonetoangerher.Imprettyaaverageguymakeasomewhatdecentlivingtopayformybillswhojusthappenstoenjoyvideogamesandanime.YeahitischildishonmyendbutIenjoybeingdifferentbutatsametimeImtryingtojustsimplystandoutandshowtheworldwhatIcanofferaswellasmygoodfriendbytryingtochangeeverythingaboutmyselfforthebetter.Imnotonlydoingthisformyselfbutforhertoo.Ineverreallywasconsideredamansmannortobeonetohavetheknowledgetomaintainagoodrelationship.Igrewupbeingbulliednotonlyatschoolbutathometoo.BytheImeanmyparentsabusedmementally,emotionally,andfinanciallytothepointtowhereIcantevengetarousedformypossiblesignificantotherduetomymotherbeinganexibitionist(ImnotevengoingtogointodetailwiththatbecauseImsurewhatmostofyouseewhereIamgoing.MyfriendgavemethestrengthtogetawayfromthemforgoodsoIcanfinallystartmyadultlife.TechnicallyIamsinglebecauseofthethingsIhavedonetohurtmyfriendandIhavetoprovetoherthatIcantreatherright.IamintheprocessofchangingmydemeanorhowIthinkactandeverythingsoIcanprovetoherIcanbethemanshealwaysdreamedof.Imalsodoingthisformyselftoosopeoplecantakemeseriously.ByallmeansIamnotlookingforanysympathyorpeopletocoddleme.SeriouslymyparentsdidenoughofthatshittomewhichmademewhatIamrightnowalittlepussy.PointthatImakingisthatnomatterwhatbackgroundyouhaveorwhatyouarenotyoustillhavetheopportunitytochangeeverythingsothatyoucanfindtheoneyouhavebeenseekingyourwholelifetoloveandforyoutocherishuntilyouredeadandgone.IhavefoundthatjustIneedtogetbetterandchange.

    Reply

    May20,2015at10:18amJourneyman2015

    abouttobe27nextmonth*

    Idoseemyseldbeingwithherfortherestofmylife*

    Lolthisiswhathappenswhenyouwakeupinthemiddleofthenightwithyourmindracingandonceyougettorolling,youtripoveryourself.

    Reply

    May21,2015at7:16pmBenReallyKnows

    ManyofusareNotsinglebychoice.

    Reply

    May23,2015at12:15pmCaroleHeath

    Ithinkrelationshipsaregiveandtakenothingiseasyinlife.Butamiserablerelationshipisnotgood

    oncepeoplefeeltakenforgrantedtheresentmentsetsinwhichisthebeginningofadownwardspiral.Thissituationcanbejustasbadforbothmenandwomen.

    Reply

    May26,2015at8:55pmmismatch

    Choosetodivorcebasedonamanwhodoesnotsupportmedoesnttreatmeasapriority,Idoeverythingforhimallthewaydowntocuttinghistoenails,Ipayallthebillsbuyallthefood.ThenIfindouthehasbeenpayingallhisadultsonbillsleavingmetodoitall,mysituationisIdontmindhelpingmanwhosdownbUTtotakewhatyouhaveandallowalazyadulttoremainthatwayisanenablerandIfindIwasallowinghimtodoittome,sohehasgottogo,IwouldlovetobeinarelationshipbutIrefusetocontinuetobeused.IbelieveinGodandIknowhehastherightpersonformenotaperfectmanbutaGodfearingone,soIllletGoddohisworkifhechosetokeepmesingleIprayheletsmeenjoyit.

    Reply

  • 10/06/2015 WhyAmIStillSingle?8ReasonsPeopleOftenStaySingle

    http://www.psychalive.org/whyamistillsingle/ 23/23

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